The Pleasure Principles of Love

the family of Trayvon Martin. It was ten years this weekend since trayvonn was killed, you know, And I had no idea that he was killed around his birthday. That somehow escaped me for the last ten years. It just occurred to me or I just figured that out this weekend because it was a birthday celebration and also the

commemoration of ten years since since he was murdered. And I was just like wow, I mean, I already I knew from being with Sabrina and Tracy and Javaris for so for these last ten years, and I'm you know, as you know, we're very close to them, and you know, I've worked with Sabrina for a long time. I knew that there was pain. Of course there's pain. I've watched

them go through excruciating pain. But to know that it was also Trayvon's birthday in the same time period just intensifies, you know, even more the struggle that they've been through, that they can't even celebrate his birthday without also having to consider what happened to him, um, you know that night. So it's just that made it even worse for me. Yeah, that's you know, like you said, I didn't even realize that.

Actually I didn't realize that to just now, like you know, I literally when you said that, I'm like, damn, it is been you know I was. I was really just focused on the celebration of his birthday and then realizing it's been ten years since he's been going Oldso you know, excuse me, that's like that has to be traumatic. You know.

I've seen as we were at the um the dinner, you know, seeing them on stage, and Javarus got a little choked up, you know, just so, and I watched Sabrina just hold it together and at times I see how you know, wiping back tears and holding back tears, you know, and just to try to imagine that, you know, having you know, having three sons and just just I

can't even imagine that feeling. So I just want to send out my love as always to the you know, the Martin and the and the Fulton family, you know, and just tell him that we're here with you, man, and ten years and they still standing. That was one of the things they still standing still is handling herself with such grace and honor, and she's still fighting for justice for a son, and still giving refuge to other mothers who've lost their children and giving them strength and

lending her strength. You know, I just I have to commend to man I've just never seen. Also have to come in you know, Tracy, just him being a father and me being a father knowing how much it hurts is.

You know, he was telling a story you know, about the you know, days before Trey Vonnes was born, and it was kind of hilarious just looking at the different personalities and him just giving that story and just knowing that that was that was something for him, you know, in the way that he grieves, in the way he expresses itself. You know, it's like a proud father. I just want to yeah, this is I'm proud of my kids,

and I'm always there for my kids, you know. And he's one of those those black men that dispel that matter their narratives. You know about the absentee father and the single mother even though they're not together, but you can tell that he was very present and prevalent. Oh yeah, yeah, well you know, and I think I'm just gonna call it out because um, I think it needs to be said that excuse me. Over time. You know, mothers, we always are going to celebrate mothers. And Sabrina works really

hard to keep Trayvon's name alive. Tracy has to work, he has, you know, his job, he has his family, he has things that he also has to do every day as a man, right and so sometimes he's out of sight because he's at work. He can't travel around the country speaking different places and showing up for all the mothers. Sabrina shows up for all the mothers all the time. Anyone that every time I'm work in with the family and I called Sabrina and asked her can

she come? She shows up all the time, and she builds her own relationship with these mothers. We go to her Circle of Mothers event every year where she hosts up Now it's growing beyond a hundred mothers around the country who've lost their children either to gun violence, senseless senseless violence, and uh certainly police um trauma. And so

people are you know, attracted to Sabrina. I mean she she Sabrina, Sabrina strong, you know she is and and I guess we keep saying she's strong, and she probably feels like she doesn't want to be strong all the time, but she is. And she's really a star wars in this movement. UM. And so what happens is that Tracy is often sort of missing from the conversation where people will talk about oh, you know, and and Sabrina this

and the mom and the mom. And I think that Tracy speaking in the way that he did, even though he told old the story that Sabrina probably kicked his butt for later, but nonetheless the fact that he spoke about how much he loved his son, how he kissed his boy, he kisses his boys, and encouraging men to

be closer to their sons. Now that he's coming out of his shell and he's speaking I think that's important because people need to know that, while, like you said, they may not have been in the same household, there was a mother and father who deeply loved Trayvonne, and in fact, Trey vonn was with his father at his father's house at the time that he was murdered. Um And so you know, I'm I'm committed to that. I

always have had great respect to Tracy. But I think that when we talk about these families and these situations that happened, we cannot forget the father's you know, you think about uh Ahmad Augury. While yes, every day, of course we're gonna celebrate and make sure that we uplift Wanda Cooper because that is a mod's mom who was there and shepherding him through life, but his father was also in court. He was in court all the time.

You know, he was he and he wasn't a man of many words, but he did at times say, you know, I want justice for my son. And so you know, we have to make sure that we we don't erase the narrative or erase the fathers of these folks who have been lost to violence from this situation. Now, there are other stories where fathers weren't present, and then all of a sudden, when there's either money on the table and or fame, they show up. And I think the

truth just has to be told. Um. But but but how we make sure that we focus our attention on um, the truth of what is good rather than always looking at what is negative. Um, I think it is really important. So that's what for black his three months. I think we need to highlight black fathers. High father we were matter,

Black father's, mack fathers mattered, daddish. Shout out to all of the fathers that you know organizations and so many organizations where they have you know, fathers that are doing big things. Shout out to my brother Marcus, who is part of an organization with fathers. Another black father, James Bond, to our resident brand experts. Husband James Bond started his organization Dadis, which focused on black fathers. So just salute to all all of us black fathers out there that

represent properly. Yes, you know the dads. It's the dad's for me, So let me see what else is going on there. So much I wrote a bunch of notes. I mean, I don't think we can um even go forward in a show without talking about a mere lock. Um, you know, this is a situation where, yet again, no not warrants have are proven to be extremely dangerous, especially when in the hands of and institution, because policing in America is an institution, but it is an institution that

unfortunately access terrorists in our communities at times. Um, the way in which no knock warrants are executed in the black community is extremely dangerous. And the reason why we want to see the George Floyd Justice and Policing Act past is because one of the pieces within the legislative bill is to ban no knock warrants. So when people argue with us, oh, you know, who cares about voting, who cares about this administration? Who cares about this? That?

And the third the reason why we're going so hard is because we know that there are pieces of legislation out there that it passed. Not to say that it will stop them from killing us, but it will at

least make it a crime. Right now, it's not even a crime to kick down somebody's door in a state where they can have a firearm, where they actually can have where it is legal to get a firearm, that actually it is legal in every state to have a firearm, but there are certain states where the protection of your home um right. But I think, I think, I think a mere lock was licensed to carry. I believe he

was licensed to carry. Um if he's not. If he wasn't, I'm sure our our viewers and listeners will correct me. But I believe I heard somewhere that he was licensed to carry. So the reason why we want to get rid of no knock warrants, such as what happened the work that happened in Kentucky where our sister Coulture Iran was instrumental in getting no knock warrants banned there. The reason why that's important is because ultimately the ways in

which the laws currently exist, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't mean for either side. It just doesn't benefit either. If you if you if you are officer and you're doing your job and you're going there with a known knock warrant, you put yourself at risk because someone has can legally protect themselves. If they don't know who you are and you run into a home, somebody can legally shoot you because they trying to protect themselves. It doesn't make sense for the individual who has a gun in

their house and they can legally shoot. And then you a police officer and you walk in and you see the gun and thinking you have to protect yourself, you can of them. So it's it pretty much what it does end in bandon On like Lawrence pretty much protects everybody and it makes a clear this decisive situation. If I if I knock and say open the door, boom, we are the police. We acknowledge you acknowledge that the

police are at the door. We've given you the amount of time to let us in, and we have a warrant for your arrest, and we've done all of that. At that point when the firearm is shown, we've done our due diligence. If you still decide that you're gonna shoot at the police, no one nat the police. Then it's on the opposite siety. The police shoot you after you say listen, I got my hands in the air. You just have a firearm, this and that. Then they held out. It shows clear liability to who and what

the situation is. Anything else is too much confusion. It's messy. It's messy. It's messy. You have people being shot too quick. First of all, a mirror was the wrong person. So that's a whole other set of circumstances that policing is not one hundred percent bulletproof. It's not like sometimes you're at the wrong address, sometimes you have the wrong information that when when there is a margin of error, it can't be coupled with a no knock warrant. It can't

be you have to get rid of no knock warrant. So, as you said, it is very clear and decisive what happened, why it happened, and who's responsible if someone dies, and so this is common sense. We're not even talking about some big theoretical bubble that needs to be broke down, and it has to be This is very very clear, and this is why we fight for things like the George Floyd Justice and Police and Act, which is very very bare minimal, very bare minimal legislation that can help

with this. And of course there are cities around the country who have started to introduce no knock warrant bands, but that does not work because what happens is that we're depending on a local government to make those decisions that will be based upon you know, when when when one government is in they may stick with it. Then a new government comes in in two years four years, then they change the rules. That is not what we want. We want federal legislation that across the board would protect

someone like a me a lot. I sat and listened to his family speak today on CNN, they did an interview these people. It's like it's like groundhog Day. It's almost like I'm watching for the last almost thirty years of my life, the same ship, the parents sitting down telling their story. So, you know, God blessing and a mere Lock, his family and his memory. Um, what I will say, I bang with the people of Minneapolis because

they the street. Those people winter spring, summer, fall. They are no joke in terms of how they approach getting out there and making sure that their voices are heard. Shout out to our sister Leslie Redman who is on the ground, other sister Tikima. I mean they are out

there and again once again Minneapolis is showing up. They're showing up for a mere Lock, and um, you know, we just want to send them my love and make sure they know that the people of all around the country are with them and with the mere Locks family. Definitely we're with them and you know, very very tragic situation man. And again we we just want to make legislation clear so that we can avoid these situations. You know, it's it's it's it's so tiring that we keep losing

lives the same way. And you know, we have a government that for some reason does not want to do the right thing, to just save lives and just do the right thing. Like what's so hard about doing the right thing? They want power? And you see, when you are that's what I mean by terrorism, right there are people who will hear me say that word and they'll be like, oh, you know, how could you say that when when you know police office? I know police, So

they're not terrorists. We think about terrorists. We think about people overseas or people domestic terrorists that come here. But terrorism, when you just think about what is in that word, has a lot to do with people who want power and they're willing to take it by any means necessary. They don't care who gets hurt in the process. And that's what too many police departments, and also people who

work within police departments, that's what they fight for. They fight for the right to basically dominate communities and not have checks and balances that will also keep them accountable. Uh and and and and and and to speak about that, we can go right to the next situation. Tunisia Chappelle here, this young woman is now, I'm gonna go with their theory. I'm gonna go with their theory. And I'm saying this as a as a what is the word that I'm

want to use? It is as it's basically, I'm just making sure that people know that I don't know that this theory is correct because Tinisia Chappelle never made it to court to be tried for the crime that they say she committed. Right she was detained in the city

jail waiting for her to go to court. So she would have gone to court and been found guilty of something, and then she would have been probably sent to a state facility or whatever if she was found guilty, or maybe released, and you know, and and have to deal with her situation from in a different perspective. But the story they tell is that she was a shoplift or that she shoplifted this particular day, and that when she

left the store, a police officer was chasing her. So now as she's being chased, I think she went into Indiana or something like that, and they say they apprehended her and they arrested her. Okay, fine, right, So now she's in jail. And again the terrorism is that even if you are you are you could have killed somebody,

which is the worst thing you could do, take someone's life. Right, But if you're in prison, there are still rules that apply to a person needing medical attention, to how the jail should be kept clean, the food being you know, humane conditions. That is what it is supposed to be. If you watch the footage of what happened to Tunisia Chappelle, there is no way on God's green earth that they can sit back and say they found no wrongdoing and that there would be no charges brought against anybody in

That's that reason. Now, that's just from the first footage that everyone has seen, and we should make sure that we play that today. That's the first set of footage. But now we move on to the new footage that has come out that shows her for hours and hours and hours vomiting, begging, begging for help, laying on the ground naked the inmates. The inmates were calling saying she

needs help, some of them huhms. Prison, the no, the incarcerated individuals, the other incarcerated individuals, You are right, let me correct that they were calling saying she needs help. Now, there was some of them that you could hear that they were down with with the police. Right in terms of the way that they were speaking of her, they were mocking her. She went through the most horrible situation

and over forty eight hours, this woman died. Again. People who want their power and dominion over another individual and they and they actually they get off on watching us die. And it's so sad, it's and it's a two pronged situation,

right is that? And then there's this belief that because you're incarcerated, that you're no longer human, right that whatever comes with incarceration, if you die in jail, you shouldn't be attended to, you shouldn't get fooled, you should be you should be given the worst possible everything, no matter what it is. And this is an ideology that people have that you know, when you go to jail, if you're incarcerated, that you pretty much have lost your humanity,

you know, and and and it's so crazy. People see you as not even a person, as something you know, and that's what happens, especially in those facilities, you know, those those holding facilities, these are holding facilities. Like you said, she she didn't even get her day at court for something for you know, a petty crime that she was being like she she was she was treated like someone who had did the most the most worst things in

the world and she wasn't even attended to. And then there are other you know, prisoners and there who who have been dealing with this Stockholm syndrome and and they've embraced this lifestyle. You know, there's certain people who were like, well you and jail what you think, you know, and it's like, no, in jail, I think that I should be able to get medical attention. I think I should eat food that's not spoiling that I think I should have officers told to me like a human being and

not like trash. And absolutely I'm with you. Um. You know, there's new footage of Tunisia coming out, and in fact, her family is going to be on our show, um and we'll be you know, talking to them about her. She has a daughter, her sisters fighting for her. They're so tired, they burnt out because it's been going on for a while now, and they're just starting to get

the type of attention that they deserve. So that's another issue. UM. And then you know, one of things that I think is sort of like the last thing that I have on my agenda of news to share today is um and maybe I'll make it my thought of the day. I had a different thought of the day today, and

I think we got to talk about it later. And the thought of the day that I originally wanted to talk about is asking the question when it's okay to keep your children away from their parents, mother or father, right. I really wanted to get into that in light of what's been happening with him and Kanye right, which I'm not sure that people are trying to keep him from

seeing the children, or maybe they are. I don't know the facts, but it just brings up in me this idea that at some point people may feel like they're child's parents is dealing with a mental health issue and therefore they feel like they shouldn't have the child around the parents. But then there are people who say, hey, you already knew that, And it's always I remember my mother used to say, it doesn't matter if your daddy's on drugs. He could be on the street corner, doesn't matter.

I'm gonna always make sure, even if it's just a few minutes, you see your parents, you know, because that's just that that parent needs to or that that child needs to see and understand the truth about their parents, and they need to have the influence and the love that it might only be for a second, right, especially if there's some positivity there. But I'm gonna leave that

for another later in the conversation. On another time. My thought of the day today, how do we help people understand how serious things are with what is happening across this country, because I feel like folks ain't really paying attention. It's like our movement, you know, there's always laws, right, movements are not gonna be all the same way all the time where every day people are in the street,

and that's not the way movements work. They have laws, they have moments that go up and down, and we're in not so much a law, but we are in a moment where I think folks are so frustrated that they've checked out. And then there's another set of individuals that as long as they got Trump out of office, they've kind of moved on, and so I saw that

Alabana in Alabama. Just yesterday, the Supreme Court has allowed Alabama to go forward with redrawing their congressional masks, which will ultimately be a voter suppression method against black folks in the state of Alabama. So the Supreme Court has agreed that it is okay for them to redraw the mass. And I'm just wondering if maybe people are not hearing about it, maybe we're not doing good at enough of

a job telling folks what's happening. But I don't think people know that if they keep doing this around the country, along with the abortion laws and so many other things that's happening in New York, bringing back stopping frisk, we're gonna be living. I don't even know what kind of country this is going to be. It's already bad, but we're quickly headed towards this country being a place that is unlivable literally, And I'm I just I don't know

what people are focused on. But sometimes I feel like, wake up, wake up. I think I think there's I think there's a level of jaded nous. I think there's a level of misdirection yeah, misinformation, misinformation. There's so many different elements that we deal with. Right we were in a pandemic to where people are so focused on COVID or what it is, what it's not. You know that that has geared, you know, the energy in the mind state away from things. And then there are people who

just don't even believe in government. Right. I think people have lost faith in the system in general, and people are trying to figure out, how do I navigate outside of that and you know and do different things because this system right here is just not for me. So it's not really something I want to focus on. Right there. People are saying, I'm not voting anyway, so how our cave if they suppress my votes? Right, And so there's so many different elements that there's not one thing. There's

so many different things that's putting us to sleep. People are becoming numb to seeing us get killed, numb to seeing injustice that happened with us. It's just like another another body that's for them. It's another situation. You know, we have an influx and the overflux of violence in our communities right now where people are just killing. So it's so many different things like that's why you look

at suicide at a high rate. Like every day we're seeing people who we think have beautiful lives, who are you know, wealthy or well to do, are just taking their life because there's so much pain and trauma that people are dealing. I pride myself on my strength, right, I pride myself on I've been incarcerated setting seals who crimes I didn't do. I've been through poverty, I've been through drugs, I've been through just about everything, and I believe that I have a level of resilience and strength

that the average person doesn't have. So when I when I realized that it's times that in these times that I feel overwhelmed. You know, I never think I've never thought about taking my life. I never thought of But there are times where I feel overwhelmed, like it's just so many different elements in things, and I don't even know what to attack. I don't know if this one

is worth it, I don't know all these things. If I know that I feel like that, I know that the average person is so overwhelmed, right, so that they can't even see how to focus on that. Right, So it's I think that's What our job is to do is to understand that people don't even know how to

attack it. They don't They they're immediate issues and their home that they're dealing with at that time, and their minds supersedes those things, even though we know in the next five or ten years that those things are gonna come to your house. They're gonna knock on the door. They're gonna affect their job, They're gonna everything that you have. You're like, what, how much you gotta pay? I can't even afford to live here? No more? What you can't

do this? That's a legal now here. We come talking about Alabama voting this and that. They're like, man, I don't have time but those things. But those things are going to affect them. It's gonna affect them so much that the checks is gonna be cut. You know, where they where they could go, it's gonna be cut. Travel is gonna be cut. The way they are, it's all beta testing, right like they're they're passing it here, then

they're gonna work on here. I saw that forty black Republicans are running for office in different places around the country, and I started saying, okay, so white maybe one of these black Republicans. I started looking in there, like, what what are they? What is their ideology? Right? How would they govern? Everything? Weird for there again, Yeah, that's the strategy. You you you you painted a certain way. You know, you don't change the ideology, don't change what you believe.

You just color it away so that they we have identity politics and we deal with it. But the difference is that and you know, and it's not this is that's not new because they've done that, they did that last cycle. Right. The differences is that white supremacy and racism is so prevalent in America that the white people ain't voting for you over their people. They're just not

gonna do it. You know what I'm saying. They vote for you over if it's too if it's a white person running against the black person for the seat, the white person going in, they're just not more more more often than not, less there's a lineage and you connected to somebody that's within that space, they're just not voting. It's more. It's more Daniel, camera's we gotta go do

our interview because I think our guests have joined. There'll be more Daniel Cameron's in office around the nation, So listen, it's the love time. Everybody's in love for Valentine's UM Day, and last year, Realmy and Pat Poo's were one of the like highest rated episodes that we had. And it's funny. What I appreciate about Street Politician listeners and viewers is that they really care more so about topics than they

do celebrities. We always said, yes, we have celebrity friends, We're gonna have them on, but we want to focus on everybody, our regular friends, people whoever, whoever we have that we know it's out there doing good work. And in this particular episode, our people really were struck by

Remy and papoos the story. Of course, they are celebrities, but in addition to that, I think it is the way in which people know Pappoo's has struggled with and worked with and been there for Remy and vice versa and so um people everybody loved the episode, they watched it, and I think today we want to replay it because when we look at them, in many ways, they are sort of like a traditional marriage, traditional relationship, traditional love and um and I love, I Love, I Love Remy

and Papoos is love. They've been through a lot, so that may not be traditional, but in terms of the the the idea of them being married and what they're doing, Um, you know, I think that most of us, especially us girls, who have the dream of what it would look like to be in a strong marriage. They are two individuals that, um,

you know that that we want to model. And so I think we should go back and replay it and and and let folks be reminded of this great talk that we had with Remy and Pat Poo's for Balantine's. Black love means so many, so many different things. It tastes on so many meanings, but um, it's about first and foremost. I'm gonna just say, black out old negativity and show love. Um. They write this narrative that we can't have a strong family foundation, and that's not really true.

You know, a lot of the pictures that are painted through movies and do music, do different things. They talk about the hardships of the ghetto, but there are also some good times growing up and you know, being very family orientated and just showing that strong family foundation, that unity, you know, being loyal to your family. And black love

it really does exist. So to me, black love just means loyalty, you know, being faithful and um, showing and love to your to your love most is a major part of it to me, because you know, it's easy to love somebody and to be there for them and being part of it when everything is great and everything is fine, and you know, unfortunately, you know when it comes to the black family dynamic, that there seems to be way more hardships and our structure than than other

um and other households. And we are able to endure that, whether incarceration, UM, death, unemployment, you know, poverty, UM, single family homes. All of these things that we've been has been pretty much thrown at us and we've been born into and we're still here and and just to to thrive and and and love and be happy and have good times like all the stuff we've been through. We think we as a people who just walk around oppressed all day. I'm here, what's going on, Queen queens? You're

feeling good today? Yes, man, thank you for coming. You know, Derek has been you know, one of my inspirations. You know, for a while. Man, your couple, your relationship is dope, you know, it's not traditional, but it's just definitely dope, man. You know, it's definitely not traditional. So we we're doing this this um Valentine's Day episode, and we last year we did Remy and pet Poods was a condition, you know,

conventional relationship and everybody loves it. But I liked y'all done there, you know, and I wanted y'all to give us, you know, some ideologies of how y'all move forward, what you're thinking, the pros, the cons, the benefits, all the things in your relationship. So you know, we get everybody gets to see different relationships because we live in an era which there's so many different types and cons of relationships.

You know. You know, one of the things for me, Um is that, you know, I was, first of all, I was watching the shy Um over the weekend, just trying to catch up. And there's this part where I don't I forget his name because I don't really know all the character's names, but it's like he owns the restaurant. Now his uncle left the restaurant, and he's married to another young lady, and you know, he keeps on getting into trouble cheating. Here this happened. He messed around with

this girl. This that in the third and so the woman is upset about the situation and how he keeps messing up, and she says to him, so she's talking to a friend. She's telling actually a gay couple that are her friends, about the issues with fidelity infidelity that they're having in their marriage. And the couple says to her, well, the only way we've been able to maintain being together is that we have sort of like an open relationship where we know who the other individuals maybe that are,

you know, being introduced into our life. And she she looked at him and she said, she said, oh, is that really? Like does that work for you? And to see us? So she decides that she's gonna have an open relationship with her husband, and so she and says this to him, and he's like, really, you know, okay, cool. So they agreed that they're going to do this, and then of course he at that point starts having sex

with another woman and doesn't want to do it. He doesn't feel comfortable because now he's like he just exactly you see, Chelsea's already laughing because she already know he's he's He's all, he's uncomfortable, he ain't feeling it. But this is what you wanted the other day when you was out with Trixie behind the scenes. Now that I'm telling you that, I'm open to us having this relationship if you don't want it. So I'm trying to figure out because I'm a single woman who's trying to figure

out what I'm doing here. Okay, so I'm trying to figure out what happened. You was with it, now you're not. Chelsea looked like she got something to say. Just from experience. I really think it's a psychological thing. I honestly do because us I know me and Derek have that same situation. I wouldn't necessarily say we have an open relationship, but I am what you call too cool sort of speak. So I like transparency. I like honestly I genuinely accept him for who he is. I know he's a man

who has, you know, a high stage drive. So it's like day, as long as you tell me, let me know what's going on. Like, I'm cool, and I genuinely am attracted to women myself, So of course, if I you know, I think she looked good, then you know we could tag team or do our broth thing and you know, just let that be another experience that we have to talk about at a later date. But I noticed him he does the same thing. He's not interested. I mean, he has his moments, but it's it's usually

when I bring it to the table. He's never had a situation to where it's like they I want to go out. And I'll still tell him like, day, you know, if you ever want to, cause like we're going through a whole I v of journey and so our sex been kind of on the you know, on the shelf lately, and so I'll be telling him like they let me know if you ever want me to bring a bitch in and get you right, you know, I got you to stay the word and it's done, and he's like,

I want you. And it's just like, let me know from a male perspective, and I think it is psych a logical uh. I think men do have needs that they often step outside of the relationship forward after a while. Either it's like it becomes greed and once you get agreed and you can acknowledge that, I think you could tailor it way better when you know, like all right, bro, you don't. It's not really like it's not like you're

lacking something at home. You just like the chase. You like the the suspense of doing something you know you ain't got no business doing. So for me, like, I'm not, Yeah, it don't interest me, Like what like I mean, we've had two girlfriends, well one of them don't count but us, so basically one don't count. But we've had a real living girlfriend. And yeah, I don't know if it wasn't like the sexiness that social media and the world el gives. Not really that. And I know for me, like I've

always been vocal at I'm not. I don't even want to make myself emotionally available for another woman. I'm just to be honest, I'm here for the fun. I'll teach them, I'll build with him, I'll invest in them at it. But I'm not Like the way I worked on myself for her, I'm not doing that for nobody else in this lifetime. Just it took a long time and I'm still working on style. I go to therapy and off this stuff. I'm not doing that for another woman. So yeah, like we can have fun, but for me, to me

like being emotionally responsible. No, So for me, it just served me best, like to just kind of sit at home and like do my home thing because I'm a busy man anyway, and I don't have time to be juggling all those responsibilities, personalities and whatnot. Mm hmmm. So basically, based on what you're saying, it seems like she pretty much invites and you just get the benefits of the situation. That's like just being real because most people look at

it opposite. She she introduced that element to our relationship because she likes women. She felt like it would be unfair for her to be able to step out and have a ball with a young lady and I just like, I gotta sit in the other room. But yeah, bro, I've had my stant with you know, three songs and all that good stuff years ago, and it's it's still didn't incite me. Back then. It was just like, oh, like this look cool on on the internet and what

people say, but it really ain't all that. So the emotional side, see, that's where the problem comes in for me. The reason why all of this is even of interest to me is because I have a lot of male friends that I'm around all the time and there and the conversation because that none of them are dating me. They're honest. They're very brutally honest with me, and I'm like,

you know, the cool sister and you're laughing. But they tell me everything, and I don't really want to hear it, you know, because I take it real personal when I hear them saying certain things. But one of the common threads is that a lot of our a lot of my brothers, kind of feel like we as women don't really understand men's needs and why they do things that they do. And then you know, I'm always on them about the lies, like why do you lie? Why do you?

And they and they always say because we as women were not really open to the truth. So as I try to navigate how I'm going to land in a relationship, I'm trying to figure out how do I be my best me to make sure that my husband doesn't feel he has to go out and you know, lie and sneak and do whatever. But then what if I also don't want to share? Mhm. So yeah, I'm I'm sure

I beg got to answer. I got one too, So I would say, from a man's perspective, The biggest thing that made me feel secure with her is we overcommunicated, like in the very begating our relationship, so like I was able to disclose, like this is a real thing, and I dare anybody to try. But we we came up with a game in Philly one day and we was like, let's tell each other stuff that we said

we was gonna take it to the grave. And that was like one of the most biggest build trust building conversations I've ever had in my life because she disclosed things to me that I know, like I know she won't tell anybody. I know her character, she wouldn't even want people to know these things I did too, So that built the trust off top, Like alright, cool, I got somebody that I can actually like beat myself because I feel like most men lie to avoid isolation, to

avoid ridicule, and to avoid disappointing their partner. But when you're dealing with somebody who like they're like, the biggest mistake I think women make is they project their version of happiness on what a man's happiness should be. Like it's like he'll say what he wants, but then she'll debate it and be like with Noll instead of just being like, oh, I respect that, that's you, that's your thing, that's your world. Let me see if our words can intertwine.

Most people want to tell you what your version of

happiness should be in their opinion. So I know that's what made me trust her off the up more than I ever trusted anybody in life, any woman in life, because I was just like, damn, like I really told her something that I know anybody else would ran from anybody else with a judge that isolated, a ridicule, or I'm able to say, I'm able to share like my true desires and things that I'm into, things that piqued my interests, and like, I remember one thing I shared

with her that I like never share with anybody else in life, and then she took me probably like a couple of months later to actually like live out that thing in which I shared. So I knew then like I had somebody that not only would hear me out, but would like hold my hand and be like, we're partners in this ship. So if you win, if you're in it, and that's what you win, I'm with it too, and we're gonna take your head on. So a lot of people don't walk into their relationships as friends, and

they don't be their true self. They're not able to have real conversation with their partners, like out of fear, you know. So people are mainly first beginning of relationships are dating everybody's representative, saying y'all want this, I want you, and I just want this and that, and I'm gonna be the best version. I'm trying to be this person you need me to be. And then after a while you start realizing, who don't that's not really who I am. You know, I want you, I'm trying to be that

for you, but that's not really who I am. So when you start sharing away those pieces, then you start realizing what you don't even really like me, and you just like what you think I could be or you thought I was, but you don't even really like me, you know. So we've even had that phase where we had to like hit reset because we fell so in love with the perfectionists of one another that one the false head. We was like, ah, but I remember him saying that, like you love the parts of me that

like you love basically like you love the highs. But then I came to the realization like if I'm rocking with you and we're really on something to the end of time ship, i may not love those other parts, but I'm gonna learn how to pivot with them. I'm gonna learn how to adjust, and I'm gonna learn how to adjust myself to deal with you when you and your lord extremely and not just love you for the hiring. And one of the thing I want to ask you

before she goes. When people sign on for relationships, they generally got to ask themselves, can you wear twelve different hats? Because people want you to be in a monogamous and the committed relationship, but they're really not. They really they really don't even have it in them to evolve or move on a fly because your mind'swit or your mood change, or you're on something new. So I know, like for her life, she really and sometimes it's good and bad,

but she really do have like seven personalities. So like some days she's gonna be my nurturer, She's gonna be in the garden. The other day I want to like beat up my employees for me because she's like, oh, they tried you. I don't like that. Other days she coaching me on being a better dad. Other days it's threesomes. She she used to dance, so she's stripping from me

running around the room dancing. And then some days we're just on our old people stuff and we're watching We've been watching old Ozark and I'm rubbing her belly, you know, in preparation for this baby that's coming. So people really got to ask themselves when you want somebody to stick with just you, do you even have it in you to adjust to their movements and their pivots through our life? Because who you were to them in December may not be what they need in February to live their best

life and be a great partner. And I think a lot of times to be selfish or people be unrealistic life. Oh yeah, baby, just just count on me. I'm everything you need, alright. Cool. I might go through a mid life crisis at thirty eight. Are you willing to take that on and hold my hand through that and adjust to who I need you to be for the age of thirty eight? Go ahead? Yeah, No, I was just

gonna stay At the end of the day. It just boils down to being realistic and being willing to accept somebody for who they genuinely are instead of who you want them to be. Yeah, because I feel like a lot of people go in relationships with their own perception of how they want things to be, which is cool, but that's not realistic because you're human, you're one way and you're growing. This person that you're gonna share your life with is a human their their own way, and

they're grown as well. We're all humans having a human experience. It's for the first time. We're gonna make mistakes, we're gonna learn new things about ourselves. We're gonna grow, we're gonna change. And it's like if you're not growing or changing with them or willing to accept the fact that they're human, they're gonna make mistakes, they're gonna grow, they might wake up one day and want something totally different. You're not being realistic and you're doing yourself a disservice.

And then it's like you're trying to force this narrative of I don't know if it's based off of society or movies or while we create this perfect image of what a relationship to be, or like we come up with like our own perception of like what we want, you know, and then it's like when this person we put, we put, and I feel like it's selfish to put our perception of what we want from a relationship on

somebody that didn't even know you. When you came up with this, they had a whole plan and any found a partners. We talked about it. We talked about that because I'm the guys. They keep telling me when I say the guys, you know, my son and Angelo are the two co founders of Until Free Him, and so the four of us, Linda, who was my Muslim Palestinian sister, um and all four of us. We travel everywhere together, so we're always talking. And our drivers are generally men

who come from a perspective as well. So we're in the car and we go almost we're at the point of almost blows, like fighting because I don't want to hear ship. She's married and she's got her perspective. My son is married, he's got his perspective. Andrew, it's just crazy. But they keep telling me that My problem is that

I am in love with a fantasy world. And also I have in my mind a thing that I want, and I'm looking for a person to fulfill the thing rather than me looking for a person that I actually can fall in love with and figure it out. And I'm like, okay, maybe my parents said, you know, first of all, he's got to marry too, you know, so you need his last name. Also, we're supposed to have a why house with a picket fence, and I'm supposed to have a dog, two children, a boy and a girl,

two cars in our lives. Right, of course we're not. We there's variations of that because I'm not even that that's not even who I am, and I'm way cooler than what I'm expressing, but there are there is a certain construct that I believe it's supposed to be my life, and every day that's being like torn not torn down. I don't want to be negative, you know what I'm saying. I would say this, I don't want to cut you off, but I would definitely advise you to be and do

all of that for yourself. So even when you do find someone else, if they don't amount to that, it don't even matter because you you do it for yourself as is. So it's not even like you're gonna miss out on that part, you know what I'm saying, and so whenever, when whenever you do find your significant other, whatever they bring to the table is completely extra, even down to the way they make you feel to the

sex likes. It's all extra because you do it for yourself as is, and you're not putting what you generally want in the hands of somebody else, which is doing yourself a disservice, because it's like, if they can't rise to that occasion, you're gonna be disappointed. But if you're doing it for yourself, it wouldn't even matter if they

rose that occasion or not because you're already content. That makes sense, Yeah, But so can we talk about honesty for a minute and that communication process, right, because I don't for me in past relationships when people try to be honest, I did get upset about, you know, whatever it is. I'm getting much better in life beginning to understand truth is truth and you just kind of gotta deal with it. But what does that process look like for y'all outside of the game in Philly? But other

things like how do you express when you're having urges? Right? You know, man, I want to do these things today, or when you're feeling certain things that need to be communicated and have you either one of you ever found the other person to not be honest, which is made you know, the relationship more difficult. Absolutely, when we first got together, I had a daughter on the way and at that I was I didn't disclose that and like I still didn't like fully give clarity and come clean

till last summer. So them there two years went by, like and my daughter was around and all, like she had her mom and I split with my daughter had I got well, I got a bunch of daughters body, I got five dollars on something. But this particular daughter she was she had like she's around and all, but I still was just moving like well, I ain't know

she was pregnant. It just happened. It happened. But I definitely knew because my mom made me aware, Like literally, as I'm courting her full blown relationship because she from Georgia, I'm convincing her to come to town and come live with me, like my mom break the news to me, you know, at the same time. So yeah, we definitely have had She's had lives, but it's been like white lives, like Hetty, I'm gonna be really there, so white I can't even remember him. I remember one of them, but

it was just like petty stuff. But I know for me, that was like one of the the most defining lives. And that's why I said a lot of times men lie, you know, afraid of isolation, like my son is saying

the fear. So like my whole thing when I when I stole across, I was like, damn, I really want to be with her, like like it was something that drew me to her immediately, and I'm like, damn, I got this whole like I got this whole world in Tampa, which I did really well with all the other women, like I like, I don't know if you'll remember, um uh, I can't then between love and hate. When Martin started breaking up all his women and he was getting slapped it all, like I had a whole face like that.

Like because I had women all over the nation I would deal with in different states, I had to tell everybody like hey, this that in the third but that one detail I left out completely, So yeah, I had to live with that one. Any caught up to me, well,

I just finally like came clean. This past summer was like so look, that's why I did it blah blah blah, and we went from that, but it definitely had a black cloud old the relationship for a great deal of time because she's not crazy and the baby is walking around the house and I'm just like, yeah, I did that, Lord, yeah, I think I don't know. Okay, are you gonna go now?

I was just gonna say I felt like it was unfair because we were so transparent and I've shared like a situation like that happening before, and how I dealt with it and what I thought and like he saw firstand how I would move in a situation like that because I've dealt with it before. I didn't um, I

wasn't upset in the previous situation when it happened. I just didn't like the fact that you're forcing me into a situation without giving me a choice to even say, like, oh, that happened before me, Like I get that ship happens, Like I'm extremely realistic. So I just felt like it was completely unfair and like I have trust issues as this, So him doing that after like I'm under the impression

that we're being completely transparent. We honest, I got a man that tell me everything and to kind to find out like he lying about something that's like completely unfair to even lie about. And it's like, yeah, so it definitely took a toll, But like I said, like you have to because I'm realistic, I understood. The reason why I wasn't even upset as I probably should have been because he lied is because I was realistic and I knew,

like it happened before me, you know. And I know it looks one way on Instagram and everybody's like, oh, he had a baby on you, how can we take advice, blahlah blah, But it's like he didn't have a baby on me. That was before we even became a thing. It just you know, it happens like when you're having sex, you know, and protected sex with that you're either gonna catch STD or you're gonna have a baby, or you dodge the bullet, you know what I'm saying. And that's

just that's just what it is. So because I'm realistic and I understand that, and it was before we even made anything official, I can't be too upset. Yeah, I'm upset because you felt the need to a lot of me about it when we've been so transparent. You know

what I'm saying. So that was, like she said about five times, like because you know, but I think what it is like when I'm listening to Derek, like, men have a fear of disappointing, especially when you when you care about somebody, right, you don't want to disappoint them, And I would and I would neate nature just trying to protect you from ship that can harm you or disappoint you. And we and we don't want to disappoint you.

And sometimes when we when we were weak and we do ship that's against us, we think, like them, let me just not say this. I'm I'm never doing it again. I'm gonna move past it. But I just don't want to let me just not say this. And that's a mistake that we make, right. And I think, I think what y'all established as a level of unconditional love and

friendship that supersedes that. I think at some point when he's seen that at his worst, you know that he could tell you the ship that was at his worst, and you still embrace him and you still loved him and you didn't make him feel like damn. I should have never told her because I knew this was gonna happen. I knew she was gonna act like that. When you gave him that energy to continue to speak to you, then it gives you more. It makes you want to

be more transparent, It makes you want a communication. I think in relationships was lacking. Is that grace? Right? It's like when you say, all right, you want the truth, and you tell somebody the truth and they react exactly

how you thought they was gonna react. So that's why you didn't want to tell them in the first place, right when you when when you're here, so when you see somebody do the opposite of what you thought and they're like, all right, I'm really not happy with it, but I love you and we're gonna move past this and this and that and you and we're moving past that. It's it's like, you know what, I could tell this person,

I could be honest. I want and I want to be better for this person because I know that they love me in a different manner. It's a level of unconditional love that I think that a lot of traditional relationships don't believe it exists. They believe, no, I'm not gonna stay if you're doing this and that or not after and if that, there has to be some level I think as as men, I think, and I think

Derek agreed. There has to be something that you showed me that I need to be better for you, right because we were dealing with so many were dealing with so many different women, so many different things, and there has to be some point that you show me that you you trust me, you get over some ship, you ride for me a certain way that I look at you and say, you know what, the way I've been, this woman loves me so much that I have to do better for her. I gotta be a better version

of me for her because she deserves that. I gotta disagree. Bro, I'm sorry, Sorry, Yes, I understand, I can understand you. Let me tell you how men think. Why exhibit a that we go through, why we I have to put Chelsea Well, let us say explanation I want to hear. I am go ahead, Yeah, No, I just I feel like, um, nobody, um, both men or women should be put in a situation so where they have to show you multiple times why you should be honest or why you should be comfortable.

I feel like, if you're gonna be in a relationship or the moment you decide to be with somebody, even though it's hard because like we all got shaped. Like I told you, I have trust issues, right, but I still like went out and went out of my way, stepped beyond my comfort level, and was transparent with this man about something that I would have never told nobody else, just because I was dead as serious about being in a relationship with him. You know what I'm saying. So

I feel like you just answered the question. What I'm not saying what it is that you have to do. I'm not saying that you gotta take him cheating with a hundred thousand girls. I'm saying there was something that you did. Whatever you told him, the way you was transparent with him that day, it made him feel like, you know what, I know she wouldn't have told nobody else that I know just the fact that she told

me that, I feel that she loved me awake. So he went around the world and his toy and said, listen, babe, you know I ain't gonna be able to come back to you. I'm moving on it. You made him feel like he had to do that there was something that didn't just do that because she was cute when you identify somebody who worked it, you, you know you're gonna play the game totally different. And I know that's I agree, bro, so it He's not necessarily saying like you gotta be

a punching bag. He's saying like, when there's things about you where somebody can identify like this is a worthy situation, they're gonna go all out because I mean, it's no different than me going to therapy, like anybody would have. Bro. David Benner was telling me to go to therapist in the two thousand seventeen and I blew him my every time, like, Bro, I'm not going to see therapy. But I got with her and we had no conversation. I was like, Okay,

I'm gonna go to therapy to figure my ship. Now know, somebody who worked it, A man gonna like he el, he's gonna butterfly, He's gonna turn into a whole new human around here trying to make sure like he's the best version of himself. So he could have bet he could be the best version of himself for you ASO. And I think it's the reason why I in in some ways kind of reject that whole theory and I know, Chelsea, the same thing that happens for me when I hear

them saying it. It's saw it come up in you, and you you pinpointed it correctly. We should not have to be a punching bag or have to be hurt in order to prove that we are the right person for someone to love. We should not. It should be the goal of every person in every relationship to goal. We don't always succeed to try their best to never

hurt someone that you love. Of course you might, but you you're supposed to be trying that that person doesn't have to experience pain as proof to prove to you that you should do the right thing. And the other thing that you said, Chelsea, that I always say, and I think we all agree with this because we've discussed it. Being honest should not be contingent upon whether or not you're gonna be mad, sad, or whatever. Being honest is something that should be a part of your moral compass period.

So because regardless of what we still gonna have, we might have that fight tomorrow or we might have it tonight. You can't change how someone else is going to respond. The only thing you can do is control that you did the right thing right and so and I get and I understand. I understand that we as women and we as people, because you know, whatever, we as people have to be careful that we don't create a situation where people don't feel comfortable talking to us that agree

with a thousand percent. And I don't actually I've done that like issues yet well not even that, just because I, um, I mean, I'm still human. You know. I have my moments where I don't like being told about myself, you know, especially depending on the time. You know, if you get my time wrong, it's like hold on, I get defensive and then it will come off it's like, oh, well, I shouldn't have said anything. And we had a conversation.

Was it the day before yesterday? It was yesterday yesterday morning. Um, I was having a conversation with someone and I see him the springshot of the message, and because I'll genuinely value his OPI and I asked him, I was like, do you feel like I was wrong? And so he told me how he felt, and I disagreed with how he felt because he was basically said it was true

what he said, but I didn't like it. At the moment, and I was like, this is where it was something that came over me, where the self awareness was just on a thousand. I was like, I wanted to my first response is to defend what he said. And it's like that's not fair. You can't ask somebody how they feel or what you think about something. Then when they tell you what you think, you want to defend their thoughts.

And it's like that's that's the issue, and so right right exactly, And so I I peeped right in and there what he's always complained to me about, like he feels comfortable talking to me about things, but he don't feel comfortable talking to me about me because I'll get defensive and it's like I want to justify every little thing. And I noticed that yesterday I started to do that, and I was like, no, I agree, I agree, and I respect exactly what you're saying. So instead of like

defending it, I was like, I totally understand. So give me some insight on like how you would move you know, what I'm saying, or how to like rectify the situation, because I do understand his point of view, even though that's not what I was doing or that wasn't my intention, but that's how it looks. And once I took my feelings out of the situation, I was able to really

see exactly where he was coming from. And it was easy for us to have a disagreeing conversation without us bumping as usually we like because I I have like this outphar terrior so does heat and like we're both like, just we can go and it's like we didn't do that. We both had a gamuine conversation. Um, it was a disagreeing one. Um, but at the end of the day, it was it was peace. At the end, it was still love. No weird energy, no bad blood, no none

of that. So, um, it's a process. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure up And because yeah, you know, and it's like when this stuff when it's when we accidentally scarred each other, which is gonna happen, because like I said, we both have to realize that we're humans having in a human experience for the first time, We're gonna accidentally hurt one another. It's there's no way around that. We'll be trying to like steer away from the pain, but it's inevitable. So it's gross, you know what I'm saying.

So it's changed. A lot of people don't like change, but change is inevitable. Nothing said. Everything is temporary and nothing stays the same all the time. You understand what I'm saying. So, like with that being the case, change hurt. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, you know what I'm saying. We don't like it, but once we get through that, it's a you know, it's a it's a broader world. It's a better version of how we wore was before the change. So to sit there and try to like avoid the pain,

you're doing yourself a disservice because it's gonna happen. What you can do is embrace it, learn from it, and figure out how to you're a better person. So we gotta flip to another side of this conversation, which is the business aspect, like you know, having a busy man and all the things, and you know how you how

you intertwined with that, Chelsea. But the one thing I want to ask just flat out because I think there is a misconception that open and you said it's not really open, but the fact that you invite other partners, women into your marriage, um, and whatever other things you do Does that make it easier? Does that make it perfect? Is it just you know everything is perfect now because you Derek feel like, Okay, you know she's perfect because I get to have sex with other women from time

to time. Or would you say it's still a struggle because some people try to sell you that, oh all you gotta do is give your man some you know, another woman, and then he's good etiquette to it for sure, Like just some ones, I thought that anybody that's interested in that type of lifestyle communicate with those women in the group chat feel me, so it's always clarity on

the conversation to the best of their abilities. I know, for me, I always let her lead, so I'm not She's never gonna be put uh times out of ten, she's never gonna be put in an uncomfortable spot because she's gonna be the hint they hints me. Anyway, I'm just gonna sit back and when she bringing homes then we go. We go what we do, what we do. But I would say for me, it definitely has made

it better. And I'm gonna say the biggest thing that I checked from our experiences with other women is the bonding, uh She She mentioned that we first got on him. But we like have bro moments. So that's why I say, when people say they want you to be committed to them, can they really wear those hats? Because like we we we be bros sometimes and we function like bros. So we'll go out and we'll like, well, she do because

I've never had that a woman in my life. But she'll bag women like bros do, and then we literally bring them home man like in the midst of a whole recently, looking up at each other, laughing and just clowning like bros do when they when they got them or you know whatever whatever. So for me, Um, for me, it's it's the bonding, Like that's my favorite part about it, is just the bonding and having those stories and us getting like pound fist and clown how we's being honest? Yeah, yeah,

how we dog somebody. Now. It's not perfect though, Like it's putting your man in a situation to where he could have another woman does not stop him from lying. It does not stop him from feeling like, you know, he doesn't have to be transparent or you know, like that he's gonna just magically have like this emotional telligence or no when and wood or how not or anything. So I just want to say, um, no, that's not

the answer to a relationship. I generally feel like what I've learned, everybody has to do their own self work. You know, like you can give a man and a woman. You can give a woman don't moon the stars, the world, the other world, the universe. If she's not happy within herself or secure within herself, it's never gonna be enough. You know, it's still you. You're still gonna find some ship. So I just feel like, um, it's all about self

work at the end of the day. And that's why I was telling you, like if when you do it for self, do work on self. Everything else is extra. So like the the extra women when we do you know, parts participating that it's extra. It's not like that's the answer to our relationship as a whole, because it's not. We've been in a situation where we, like I said, we've had a girlfriend that ship did not go how

we thought it was gonna go. It was definitely moments where I was like, Nigga, you got me sucked up? What is this? You know what I'm saying. And it's like, you know, but I mean, we're just gonna be honest. Like but like I said, it's like a learning curve. Like we all human, we don't know what we're doing until we do. And it's like okay, yeah, no, we gotta take this a little bit because that ain't there.

I do like this. This is cool, This is fun, but it has boundaries limitations, you know what I'm saying. Knowing when you're like at your I don't even know like when you've reached your your limit, you know what I'm saying, And so you're not gonna know that though you're not gonna know your boundaries. You're not gonna know your limits if you haven't done that self work, you know. And even if you I don't know it like I like I said, I feel like it boils down to self.

You have to work on self. I have to work on self. He has to work on self. And like when we're both whole, we meet up and then you know, it's easier to fight the both things together, you know what I'm saying. Versus me having my bullshit, he having his bullshit. We come together. Now we got bullshit together on top of our personal bullshit. And it's just like

shit everywhere. Yeah, I think. I think just listening to you, Chelsea's like a lot and not saying, oh, there are a lot of women that don't put any emphasis on them. Right when I have conversations a lot of women like, well, men doing this, and y'all need to do this better, and now I need to do this, and i's you, and it's so dope because you have your own self reflection, like you're not sitting there just pointing out the things you do wrong, like you really say, I got my

own bullshit. I've been doing this and I needed to do this and I realized I was wrong, Like you bring in that right. There is a communication method that is effective because when people see that you're willing to take on something to be like, okay, you know what, now now let me do my self assessment. Let me see how I can be sure a better because she's willing to do this, you know. So I want to just commend you on that because I have a lot

of conversation with women, and I have been attacked. I've been a tables with four or five women was telling me, don't tell me about me, don't tell me about what women do. Y'all need to do, and I'll be like, I'm not really telling you about you. I'm just telling you how we receive what you're doing. It's not about you or anything. So I think that you've become reception

receptive to a message. I think yet the way that you'll communicate is dope because you're both keeping on eye, you're both self reflective, and y'all understand that you're old human, that everything is a learning process. That you don't expect him to be perfect. You don't expect you to be perfect. Y'all, y'all understand that you're both got your own bullshit, And y'all figure out how do we meet? You know, how do we grow together? You know it's because as humans,

we are constantly evolving. Like the ship that you wanted five years ago, you ain't gonna one five years later. The ship that you think right now, you ain't gonna think tomorrow. We we all, you know, we're human beings. So people hold you to who you was ten years ago. Well, you told me this, and you were supposed to be that. Well, I didn't even know I was gonna think what I'm thinking right now ten years ago. So how do you think that I'm gonna be that same person, so you know,

I applaud you know. I just want to ask this question, though, business, how do you how do y'all work as business? Do you feel like you know the way that you'll communicating your relationship helps your business or y'all do y'all do good business together? Do your side like y'all I can't do business well? Like we're gonna separate that, Like, how do how do you think that works? Uh? Real quick?

So perfect example of this situation right here. I'm pregnant and I'm sleepy and I'm thirsty, and he was like, I didn't even know about this interview. Um, And I've been telling him, like day, I don't like when you tell me stuff at the last minute, But like I said, how to its up somebody for who they are. He's been doing it, and I'm gonna drop myself crazy. And I understand that, you know, And I'm gonna drop myself crazy by continuing to try to beat something his head

Like days, I'm telling me stuff at the last minute. Anyway, So he tells me, He's like, Bay, I need a huge favor. We got this interview, blah blah blah. When I was just talking about I'm gonna lay down and take me another nap. Girls Jazz, they's gonna go, you know. So it's like, alright, cool, I'm you know, we're gonna do this interview, but when I get done, I'm taking my nap. Um. He we actually have to go some we have to go to our other house because we're

like turning in some production studio. That's the whole other thing. But he works over there. So I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna go with you over there, um if you need anything for me and between you know, by the time we get over there, asked me. Because when I get there, I'm going to sleep and I want my sleep until you know, the girls get home and that's that. So I think we jugglate pretty well for the most part.

I'm the type of person it's easy for me to like roll with the countries, um, and I feel like he um, you know, he he'd be throwing them puncious not of stuff happening all the time. But you feel like, do you feel, Derek like a helpmate is important in order for you to be Do you feel like you could do it just by yourself? You know, A lot of men. They do their work and then they go home, but it seems like you have your home intertwined. Yeah, I mean I did it. I did it by myself

for like seven years. But I will say having a helpmate is an absolute added of the way I conduct business has evolved. The amount of money I make has evolved, even the way that our view money has involved. Like I'm actually in the process right now or putting all my businesses on auto college and as an April fifteen, Uh, we're going on like a nomadic journey where I bought an RV, so we're just gonna travel for the duration

of her pregnancy. And really just like because we're big on like living off the land, we draw a lot of fruit veggies, but I really want to do it on another level. So like having that helpmate helped me to go from Remember like my best money business prior to her was like two. The month she came around, best month of business went other like, and shout out the tip too for putting me on the Expedition podcast

because that definitely changed my career. But I went from to nineties something at one point six to five in the month. Then I just kept evolving, whether it be fatherhood, business blah blah. Then I even evolved to the place current day where it's like money isn't my priority, or being a good dad, being a better partner blas blows

my party. So absolutely having a helpmate, having having that, having that extra set of eyes when you're moving around, having a woman's intuition when you grinding and handling business, it's absolutely helpful. That's for me, Like I focused on big in big game when I'm doing business, so I miss a lot of the small things because I'm trying to see like how we get that bad, how we get that house so, how we get that built, and how we launched this and launched that, and then too

we practice inclusion. So I'm really big from her down to my children. I try to keep them in the

loop business wise on every scale. I'm very very much aware that, like everybody, life has an exploration day and the last thing I want to do is just like leave them a bunch of businesses to inherit with money, but they have no idea on financial literacy, how to run the business to ends and out chain to command this that the third So for me, like I love my winds, my lessons, the acquisitions, the down months, the good months. I love that had a family front and

in our family oriented anyway. Like my payroll, it's predominantly family. And only people don't ever see me with is my children or her. Seldom it would be another adult in my frame. But inclusion to me is the biggest thing. Finally gives talents and purpose within your family and then monetizing them so we can have like a family full of people who get money, not just a family lying on this one individual that get us some money. M

M wow. It's and it's hard because I feel I guess you know, when you talk about all the relationships stuff and how people are feeling emotionally and then it comes time to do business together, sometimes if you don't have emotional intelligence, Chelsea, you'll be like, I'm not doing ship for your ass today. You know. You know we've had that. She didn't be like, and I had to put it to the side and be like, listen, when you do stuff like that, it makes me not feel

like I could trust you on business. Like I get it. We could bump heirs personally, but the family still has to financially progress and cover ground because America is against us. We can't we can't allow our internal battles to throw to divert the whole fucking plan. And she like took her accountability. Was like, you're right, I'm gonna start making shot.

I come through regardless because that is a And she know like I don't have friends, I don't have a big circule, Like she really the only person I count on in my pops outside of my children. So she know like she played a large role and she didn't ask for it, but I have given her a lot of responsibility, Like it's gonna be her job if I leave before her, Like you gotta giving out my estate, you gotta make sure the trust is handled in this manner,

this and that. So it's important to try to get But you know, the thing is that oftentimes we as women or the person because I've also experienced this being the busier person with more resources. I have experienced being in a relationship where a man felt like he was doing it for me. This is not for me, bro, this is for you, me, our kids, our family legacy

or whatever. And people often have in their mind like, oh, you know, I'm not gonna be I'm not you're not gonna tell me, you know, to do this stuff for you while you also you know, didn't speak to me well last night or you ain't screw me in two days or whatever. And I think we have to own the fact that when we're talking about people who are in a relationship with business, also you are equally valuable because this is about your life. You're not just working

for another individual and people. It's hard though, because you'd be like you could kiss my ask like I'm not even talking to you, so why would I sit down and do whatever else with you? So, you know, emotional intelligence, I think is probably key to all relationships, but we

don't always have it right now. That's just I got a partner who got a business and he's going through some things with his partner, and she took it upon herself to like smear his name and situations and I had I mean, he was talking to his like bro ship. Aware of that that affects your children. You can't take y'all disagreement in the bedroom, smear his business name in the streets and then be like the babies ain't eating ship. You're sucking up his name like it's a it's a

domino effect. So yeah, something she's always told me. It's just like her focus be the bigger pictures. And I've always been away too, Like I have, I have a great deal of wisdom and foresight. So like why most people are gonna have a breakdown that caused him into fallout. Next month, I'm going to start thinking, like above all, we don't want our grand children to work for their oppressive So despite this ship, we beef him by right now, like what we're gonna do tomorrow to make sure there's

business is still intent. That's that's that's a dope perspective. And I say that all the time, and it comes from friendship, right, And I said that all the time. If when you when you when you value somebody and you're your friend, even when you're not on the right page, you don't want to see him loose, right, You're not gonna try to do something harm him. All right, we're

not in the right page. But if I got a situation, I know it's gonna benefit you cool because you're somebody that I care about you, somebody I understand that you have a level of value and I have a level of value to you. Despite I would disagreement. I never want to see you at your worst, you know. And

I think that's what a lot of relationships lack. People get into relationships without having friendship, without having real unconditional love, you know, and they and the emotional intelligence starts to supersede their minds, you know, it starts to the emotions start to supersede their intelligence. I that down to just

give you a quick example. I remember, I know, the biggest amount of money I've ever given her at one time was a hundred K. And that hundred k what's for her to go by her own plot of land?

Plots of land during an actual breakup for me in a break because like I do on her to win, like whether I'm dead or alive, like I care about her that I still want her to be on her big dogship whether she win the next man woman whatever or even like most recently, I had a business that we had joint but I stepped out of the business and just solely sent it her way so she can keep the revenue. And just you know, she she wanted to be in a certain position on her own, and

I totally respect that. I get it. Like I'm a businessman. I understand business. So no, bro, I agree with that, Like down to the mothers of my children. One is on my payroll, one I do really well for in terms of like making sure she cool every month, like she's more than cool. And then the other one not so much. She she's in a who relationship and on the other side of the country. We still got a relationship. But the point is, like whether they with me or not,

it's a trigger gun. In fact, I have children with these women. Why they funk when I watch I not want them to ball and live their best life because if they depressed or financially oppressed, whatever the case is, my children are gonna fail that. So yeah, bro, I agree. A hunter for thing. That's right. Well, listen, I know you've got a lot to do. You know, this has

been a dope interview. You know. It sounds like people can learn a lot from just the way that you're communicate, the way that you're identify, the way that you're self reflect you know, and and it's not a conventional relationship, but it's definitely working. It's benefits you, beneficial for your financially, mentally, emotionally, you're learning about yourself. You've got somebody that makes you want to learn more about yourself and makes you get

in tune with yourself. And I think for me, that's that's what a relationship is, you know. So I just want to commend y'all. Continue, continue to do the great work, Derek. You know, I'm always watching. I'm always here for you, you know, just watching you continue to just be one of the dopest business people in the dopest business minds of our error and our culture. Man, it's just phenomenal, man,

So keep doing Chelsea. I remember when Devid brought me to his birthday and the first time I've seen you and just watching you move and navigate the room, and and I was like he got him a ride, you know what I'm saying. And that was like about five or six years ago. And just to see how continue to just grow. Man, it's just dope. Man. Appreciate appreciate it. Love to y'all so much. Listen, I can do this all day, but I'm coming to visit so I could

really understand the mechanics of how this thing works. Because I think I'm definitely not a conventional person. And I and but but you know, but I'm but I'm also I've been I've learned, I've been taught certain things. So I have to figure out how to make how to balance what I've been taught with who I really am and allowing you know, my true self to shine through, because maybe that's what has been in the way of me being able to find the person that is for me,

my person. So can I ask one question? Yeah, I got one for you. How hard is it too actually figure out who's bullish it and who's not with the position that you're in, because I'm sure like these well as stupent men quote unquote probably slotting your DM every chance they get. You know what, It's funny, my son did I talked about this whole time. I was just

telling him and Angelo the other day, I'm cute. I know, I'm cute, and yeah, and still it's very rare that men come on to me like, you know, it's very very cheats intimidate And I said, it's two reasons for you or they realize you ain't gonna bullshit and they can't give you what you want. Yeah, No, they're intimidated. She's not intimidating, they're just intimidated. And I do and I and sometimes I'd be like damn, and then like, okay,

if I post a picture. I posted a picture this weekend, and you know, and my and my breast are out, you know, because I'm like, I'm all the way sexy. I'm not letting anybody tell me that at forty one years old, that I have to cover up or live my life a certain type of way to please them, because I know that I'm only gonna be forty one at one time, and after I'm never gonna be able

to go back and get my sexy back. And and and you know, feel the way that I feel about myself in this moment, I'm actually at the sexiest point that I've ever been at in my life because it's not just on the outside. I feel it shining from within it, you know what I'm saying. And so I had my breast out. And then all of a sudden, you know, you started getting text messages from people who

are contacting you about business or other things. But you know, like you didn't call me last week, so I get what's happening, which means that it's it's it's sexual and I'm not interested in that. So I'm trying I'm like, I'm trying to figure out where we're trying to say. That's what they know. They know you're not really interested in that. Every now and then they're gonna try to hand and then when they don't get the response back,

they're like, it ain't really interested in that. I know I gotta go out not so much find my man, but I have to make sure people know I'm available. And because I have trust issues, because I have other things going on, I'm I am I'm anti getting hurt, like I don't want to deal with that. You know what I'm saying Right now, I'm peaceful. I wake up in the morning, I worried about whether or not I'm a call back, didn't call text this that I ain't

worrying about it. If he's saying he coming, if he ain't saying he's coming, I wake up and I'm good all day. I'm traveling. I'm not I can go by myself, and I know that once I let go and become more vulnerable, then I gotta deal with all the ship that goes along with that. No, I just want to say, I want you when you do attract your man, I want you to keep that same mentality that same or or that same. I don't care. I'm not gonna be worried. Keep that piece. I'm not gonna be worried. If you

call me back, it don't even matter. You good, stay good, even when you get your man, stay good, stay at peace, stay comfortable withself. Don't know I'm talking to your house. I'm coming to your house. I will be calling back so I could coachee your house. Funny one, you look damn good. Thank you, and listen. I just want to close this one thing that you said, because I hope

people did not miss it. Derek. If you're gonna have multiple women and friends communicate on the group text, that it does so everybody is going to say thing, look like like he felt that out the hardway. He felt up the hardway. No, no, no, no, Brook, I'm passive, bro like I'm the I'm the yeah she she she do all sit in the room way the comfortable though, I'm chilling. Thank you black black love. Man. It a little different, but it's definitely love and we appreciate you'all. Man,

thank you, super super super cool. I mean man, there. I met Derek about on his thirtieth birthday. Man um Derek flew me out to Atlanta to um speak at his birthday party. Was me, Derek Banner. That's when I met nineteen Keys, I mean David Benn. I'm sorry, David Bend. The nineteen Keys um Nipsey Hustles um Man was there and he presented us with awards. He did it big. He came into his birthday on a on an elephant. He had a keen thing. He had an elephant that

Chelsea was in the navigating. And at that time, you know, I don't know how deep the relationship was with his other baby mothers was dead and everybody was just moving in the union while it was there me and while it was like this dude, I don't know what he's doing, but he worked, you know what I'm saying. And he's been always. If you if you look up Derrik grace Man, he's a serial entrepreneur, you know he and he empowers

his kids. I meant, the first time I've seen him, he had his daughter loading the gun blind phoned it loading and telling you what what bullet it was, putting it in, what's the name of the bullet, what's the name of the gun. Like he was educating his kids and he's he basically broke down, and I remember his theme was, I looked like everything they taught you was wrong. You know, everything they told you about me. I had a gun, I got tattoos on my favor I got dreads,

I got big jewelry on. But I'm one of the most educating. He was educating you, and he was telling you about wealth, and he was telling you all these different things, you know, and he continued to just continue to evolve. So just watching them evolved together and just being able to talk to him, somebody that I can call whenever I need advice or information is just dope. And so shout out to him and her and now I I appreciate you know, we may not No, no

relationship is gonna look a hundred present the same. So there may be things that they've said that I'm like, Okay, that's a hundred percent something I agreeve, and and there other things that maybe not. And I'm sure it would be vice versa if we had the time to examine

all of our personal lives. But what I will say is I appreciate that they're willing to be honest before the world about the ups, downs and in between, because there is a fetish, if you will, that I think people are dealing with right now with this idea that just because we have either polyamorous relationship and or open marriage or open relationship, that that's going to get rid of all the ills and the problems and now everybody's

gonna be on the same page. But they they talked a lot about the honesty that that takes, the commitment that it takes, the work that they are putting in to make their relationship, you know, go. And I think those things are are just so important. I feel like I learned and I also experience them through Chelsea versus

through him. Um, I like I think I think one of the things that probably works for them is his mindset that he is being more of the cool one, right and you know, and and and that puts not so much pressure. But the responsibility. She knows what a man likes, she knows what he wants, and the responsibility is therefore on her. But in something in a lot of ways, but I'm sure that she feels comfortable doing the different things, whatever it is, working in the business,

taking care of him. Um. The women, whatever it is that that they do to make it work. She feels comfortable because she feels like she can trust him. At the point that that trust breaks down, it stops people from functioning in their best self. So I am, you know, And that doesn't mean it's perfect, because like they said, we we accidentally hurt one another all the time. That's just the way life goes. So I think I learned.

I feel like it's people are going to be really you know, tomorrow when folks get to actually hear this episode, Um, they're gonna be enlightened and probably want to know more from miss Chelsea about how she's making the great Derek a great name. That's right, man. So and that brings me to my I don't get it. You know, we talked about relationships, you know, and you you pretty much tested on a little bit, so I didn't really bring

it in. And we're talking about Kanye and Kim mm hmmm, and I and you know and Derek and um, and Chelsea said something that that pretty much touched on. You know, when we do these things publicly and you're trying to defame, it hurts your children, you know it like you you hurt your children, right, And and I don't know who's at fault. You know, I don't know who's at fault,

but I want to know. I don't get why people think disrespecting talking bad about someone that you once said that you had loved, for someone that you will embrace with publicly, it's even acceptable. I don't even know why you would want to do that. You know. I watched men a lot of times or women who feel like there's going publicly come out and say negative things that your children gotta see, you know what I'm saying. I've watched Kanye say things about Kim publicly that the children

has to see. And there was a dispute that they was having about her being on TikTok or whatever, and he had an issue with it. And you know, and I'm not like the biggest Kim Kardashi. I'm not the biggest Kardashian fans. You know. There's a lot of things that I can say that I take issue with the way they've conducted themselves, and you know, just the way that they you know, done with the culture a lot of different things. And there's the good things they've done.

But when she responded, you know, and said, you know, things that you said about me publicly and the way that you you do humiliate me publicly is doing way more harm than any TikTok could do. And and and that was real for me, you know. And so I just don't get why as adults, you know, we we utilize these platforms and we utilize our voices to try to dismantle, discredit the fame and break down people that we once lived our lives for, you know. And I

just don't get that. I think, for me, if there's a Morald thing for me, there's a moral compass that I have that I don't care how much we beef. If I want if you were somebody I loved and I called a friend and and I'm racing you was in my house and you know, my mother, and and I slept with whatever it is, I don't want to harm you in front of publicly. We beefing behind I don't want to publicly. I don't understand how people get to that level. I just don't get. Well, I think

that there are levels to the situation. Number One, just because something that you've done isn't in front of the world, that does not mean that it does not hurt another individual, right, So it might be private pain but it hurts just this bad. And sometimes people feel their only power is in being able to tell the world what you're doing to them. So I think in Kanye situation, while you know, I am not a Kardashian fan, I you know, I think I do appreciate what Kim has been trying to do,

and I support it. I don't give ship. If you got fifty people working on a case, if she's able to come in and help to bring it to that final stage, that's her job. You're a closer, do that job. So I'm you know, I'm all for that, but I still feel she has a responsibility to acknowledge those who were involved before she got there and make sure that they are part of the process. So I had to

say that. But I I understand though, that every single black man that goes through that Kardashian family, in the end, there is some real significant trauma, significant trauma, and the man does not They always come out super scaped, right. That's that's that's on the exterior. Now we can't you know, you start going down the list looking at Chloe and how she has tried her best to be with Tristan and he's not you one of y'all said, I think

it might have been I don't know. Somebody said, there's a young guy who's probably not ready for the relationship that is being sort of like he's being pushed into. Right, But at the end of the day, the way in which Tristan has conducted himself is not cool. It's not cool, And I don't see Chloe doing anything to try to hurt.

So I'm saying that they're you know, one one hand, we can feel like all the black men are scathed, but on the other hand, we see situations where people are able to walk away and and and I guess I forget the guy's name that was married to Kim or he was with Kim, not not necessarily, and then the other the other than it was the other. I forgot that the basketball players to play for the nets, right,

So I'm just saying it's been Chris Humphreys. It's been a mixture of things that we have seen, and I think because they're such megastars, everything plays out publicly. However, Kanye, I don't give a damn what anybody says. You can fight me, and I get it, well, he knows the machine they had and he's gotta What Kanye is doing is wrong to me. It's wrong because at the end of the day, Kanye has as much power and money and resources or whatever, as though as that Emily and

Kim is not. Seemingly I don't see where she's doing anything to him that is so publicly awful. I just see a person, a woman who tried her best to be in a relationship with this man, that followed him with his dreams, promoted him, and was all about him. And then when she decided enough is enough and I'm done, he lost it. He was cool with her when she was crying and chasing behind him, when he moved to Wyoming and she couldn't find him and she was stressing.

He was cool with all of that. But when she decided that she was done, now, all of a sudden, he here. She is a public spectacle. And I also can see how which which at the end of the day, I don't agree with keeping people's kids away from them

because you're mad at them, doesn't matter. You cannot do that all everybody you have kids with somebody, no matter what it is that they are doing, unless they are harmful hard mean the child, like physically harming the child or doing something that you definitely absolutely don't agree with or don't think it's right or helpy for the child.

I don't believe that people should be keeping their kids because if the person is crazy, they was crazy when you laid down with them and had a child, so you just now the kids just got a crazy parent.

That's it. You gotta let these kids be with their fathers, and it has to be some level of supervision and protection because if you if you my my baby mother and you was a little crazy, and then you start saying and doing ship, that makes me feel like my kid is not safe around you, right, And I hear what you're saying, but I'm not We don't know because I want to say that I don't know. I'm just I don't know about anything. But I'm just I'm and

I'm just saying this in full transparency, right and in love. Right. I think that there's a level of genius that Kanye has that nobody can even deny. But I do see a level of mental breakdown that he's supposed right, and I think and I think if we're able to see that publicly, right, and we just get able to see that through tweets or an occasional um camera that he's quote on. Somebody who's living with him every day is

seeing it in do a different spectrum. Right, they have to be seeing him more because we if we if we're able to detect that, because he wrote four or five tweets and somebody quote him on the Cameron, we're like, yo, this thing, it's literally breaking down. We have to say that there might be other people who know more that have been with him every day. So I'm not saying this right, I'm not saying this wrong. I'm just saying

we don't know. The only the reason why I'm saying that is because I'm just drawing a very hard line on us as women, particularly who use children as the only defense mechanism we have to try to fight back against somebody that is doing us wrong or heard us

or whatever. That's it's not cool. It's not cool. But to circle back to my original point and your whole thing about the the public destruction of another person's name, indoor image, or whatever the case may be, I think that Kanye and the way in which he is approaching this situation with Kim is all about narcissism and ego, and oftentimes that is why people run to the public, because their ego tells them that because a person either doesn't want them or has turned them down, or has

harmed them or hurt them. Now, I need to go make sure that I have people on my bandwagon that's with me about whatever this is. And it's problematic, is deeply problematic. But I've been there, so I know, I know what it feels like. What I wanted to make sure that the world knew knew that I have been done wrong. And I'm not talking about justin relationships and talking about in general. I wanted people to know that this person that I worked with hurt me or this.

I wanted that. And now as I'm now beginning to get old and understanding the world, the thing that I've realized is that nobody gives a ship about your issues and what's going All they want is gossip and something that they can use, and in the end they'll be they'll toss you to the side, they'll be onto the next person story, and then you have to pick up the pieces of whatever fallout exists as a result of you bringing your public life, you know, your private life

into the world. That's my opinion. And with that said, ain't nothing else to say, man, you know, ain't really much else to say. Man, we had a dope show. Shoutout to demon Grade, Shout out to Chelsea, you know, for their perspectives, their honesty, just being open so it's open and explaining their polyamor polyamorous. I didn't hear them, you know, but we've never asked them straight up and down if they have a polyamorous relationship, if they saying

they had a girlfriend. They yeah, yeah, okay, okay, alright. Well, shout out to them, Yeah, shout out to them for the bring being open and just giving us a little bit of insight, you know, the pros, the cons, the benefits, you know, the work that needs to go into and it sounds like just pretty much any relationship, you know, there has to be trust, has to be communication, has to be self reflection, has to be friendship, you know. So thank them for coming on and have a wonderful,

wonderful Valentine's Day. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself though, that's what Chelsea said, pretty much, you got to love yourself. With that said, I'm not gonna always be right. Tamika mattery is not gonna always be wrong to both always and I mean always, be authentic