Lunchbox Snacks and Festive Cracks

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It's the Tired and Tested Podcast. Enjoy the safe place zone. Over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan. Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak. Things like saggy boobs and hangovers that last a freaking week. Happy listening to the podcast.

Hallo everybody! God, my voice sounds awful. Hallo! I don't know why I just went to default trying to do Scottish, because I went a bit husky. Hallo everybody! Ho, ho, ho, everybody! And welcome to episode 16 of the Tied and Tester podcast. With, yeah, quite a gruff sound in me, Sophie McCartney. But I'm also quite here for it because, again, kind of sounds a little bit sexy.

En ik heb Lucie met een andere kleurige fringes vandaag. All right, Lucie? Je hebt je haar gedaan, babe. Ik weet het wel. Het was niet planned. It was an impulse decision. My little glam squad were like, let's go a bit darker. And I was like, sure, let's go darker. But it's not like you've gone jet black, is it, with the hair? You've just got a slightly different shade of blonde. But it looks nice. Yeah, apparently, the kids today...

It's not Urban Dictionary, but apparently this is called brond, with a r, because it's brownie blonde. I think also Brond has been around for a few years. I love that you're like, I'm so down with the kids. I'm so innovative, guys. I've not been reading my hair magazines of late. But yeah, so I've gone a bit Brond.

Do you remember the days of hair magazines? I would go, before going for my hair cut, and I would go and I'd buy the hair magazine and I'd pick out what I wanted, take it with me to the hairdressers, I'd still leave for something completely different. not even resemble in the slightest way. Of course, this is once I'd moved past just going and asking for the Rachel cut. Did you do that? Did you ever get the Rachel cut? I didn't ask for the Rachel cut. Weirdly. So I remember...

When I was about, I must have been about 14, 15. You know how they need models sometimes when they're doing the hair exams? Oh my gosh, shut up, you were chosen. Were you chosen? Well, no, because they were struggling to find someone. So I went and I was somebody's hair model. And I remember them doing a really feathery cut. And it was a bit like a Rachel, but it was like feather, feather, feather, feather down the front, round the face. And then at the back...

het was cut short so it flicked out that way at the back. Oh god, it sounds horrendous, no offence. It was quite, quite the look. And back in the day, and there were no great hair tools to would have helped you unless you were a professional hairdresser and able to... blow dry it in a certain way. There was nothing. You'd have your babblis, wouldn't you? Your shit babblis. I used to have gas-fuelled babblis. Gas-fuelled. And I thought it was the future.

I was like oh my god gas feed had like a little canister of compressed gas possibly incredibly dangerous defo couldn't take it on an aeroplane that you had and it heated it so it was cordless and it was proper shit it didn't work it didn't work

Het was perfect for Christmas. En ik was just like, oh my god, dit is het, guys. Het is going to be... I'm going to have like the most poker straight hair ever. And it was just... It was gash. It was gash. Picked it off like the Argos catalogue for Christmas. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah. There was no good technology in our fingers. Did you ever have the Babelis straighteners that also you could turn into crimpers?

Surely you had those. I think I did actually. Like they were proper, proper old school. Everybody had them back in the day when crimping. When the desired look was to walk around looking like a McCoy's chip. Makoi's chip? Wat am I, American? Makoi's crisp. I'm Makoi's chip, guys.

I remember, like, I used to always, like, if I had my cousin round or whatever, I'd be like, let's do hair. And we'd start crimping. But you would have to literally take a tiniest bit of hair and start at the top and you'd have to hold the crimper. ...for about 30 seconds and then move. It would take six hours to crimp an entire hair. It was so funny. I used to have to ask my sister to iron my hair for me. Proper iron your hair. Like tea towel over it just so you didn't...

Oh no, we didn't tea towel over it. You didn't even tea towel? Fuckin' out, babe. Hardcore in the North East. And you was at the bridge, didn't you? Where you obviously couldn't iron the scalp so you'd have like a shelf, like you're about to step off a sea cliff. That's what it was like.

Also, well, because you had an old brother. I had an older sister. And, I mean, you probably wouldn't have entrusted your hair straight and ain'ty brother. It probably would have been a friendship circle thing, right? I mean, no offense to your brother. But I used to ask my sister and we'd fall out quite a lot. So again, it was quite risky that she wasn't going to take her ultimate revenge on ironing my scalp to the minky board.

It still makes me laugh that ironing boards are called minkies, because that's what... That's like a badge name, isn't it? I've never heard that before. What, the ironing board? Yeah, there's an ironing board brand called Minky. Stop. Sorry, my chair is really creaky. Can you hear that?

Ja, whatever. I know, I'm not farting, guys. I'm not farting. I've also got the dog in the room with me, unless she's managed to claw her way out. No, she hasn't. So if some god-awful noise and a gag follows, that's not me guffing. It's the dog.

Want she's taken to just barking at old people. Outside the front of the house. And that's quite socially unacceptable. Old people and very young people. So children and the elderly. Millie's just taken to barking at. I mean she likes them when she gets close enough. ... ... ... ... TV Gelderland 2021 Maar in order for the kids to have their Christmas... MUZIEK de school christmas dinner Dus ze zal altijd request de roast. Dus ze gaat in, ze gaat voor een roast. En omdat het een roast ham is...

Het is niet een roast chicken of anything. Het is een roast ham. En ze is like, wat de fuck is dit? No, no, no. Het is niet Boxing Day. We hebben een roast ham on een Tuesday in 1920s Britain. Oh, get to the roast ham, Barbara.

Dus ze hadden de vegetafels. Dus ze hebben een roost midweek. Ik denk dat ik niet meer nodig had. Ik moeilijk hadden de formen. Ik moeilijk de formen. Ik moeilijk de formen. Ik moeilijk de formen. Ik moeilijk de formen. Ik moeilijk de formen. En ik moeilijk was de wereldste. Jack was de wereldste. Ik moeilijk nog niet.

ZANG EN MUZIEK is new sweetheart he's like the farm has been there since i've been in reception true okay fine so i'm to kind of sugarcoat over this i was hoodwinked into making them really exciting lunch boxes now i don't do lunch

voor mijn kip, ik kan niet behoorst. Het is £2.50 per dag voor een schoolmeel, dus ze gewoon hebben een schoolmeel. Dus ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik zei zei, ik

... ... ... ... ZANG EN MUZIEK I hope I'm there at midnight. I've buttered to the people. I've put them in the lunchbox. Everyone's got a really exciting lunchbox. I've got a wagon wheel. Went to Tesco and they had some wagon wheels for £1.20 van leave.

A pack of six for £1.25. They were quite big as well. Not as big as I remembered. I remembered them to be as big as me had. But anyway, I've done everything. Put everything in the exciting lunchboxes. Off they've gone to school. I have one. I have one at parenting. Pick them up from school. Jack goes, it wasn't even Christmas dinner day today, it's tomorrow. Fuck! So they've just been... I said they are Pringles!

We're not meant to send in contraband. They're meant to have healthy lunches. They're just like, look at you fucking losers. With your ham. I'm sitting here. I'm sitting here, sitting prissy, eating my wagon wheel and my salt and vinegar Pringles that my mum's guilt packed for me. So there I am last night, having to make the same feckin' lunchboxes for them again. Steve!

Pass the gingerbread cutter. I even threw in a holly leaf this time. I've got a holly leaf biscuit cutter, right? This is what I did. This is what I did. Oh, I thought you made an actual holly leaf. Oh no, I wasn't like, I wasn't cutting it out, like stenciling it around it. Got a text. message from my friend Rian this morning at 9.25 which is a near solid hour after my children left to go to school going by the way babe Christmas dinner day is tomorrow stop it it's not

Do they keep saying it's tomorrow? It's tomorrow. They keep saying it's tomorrow. They're going to get in a funky lunchbox. But actually, you should have just looked at the newsletter. I should have just looked at the newsletter. I don't read the newsletter. They send it to you electronically.

You've got to log into an app to see it. I'm not going to do that. I can't be fanied. I'm not on the WhatsApp groups at school because I can't be arsed with them. I don't have, I don't, yeah. So they've gone again with mega lunchboxes. But then my other friend... ... ... ... ...

I had to do a Tesco wash yesterday because I'd used all my goods supplies for the lunchboxes the day before. So I had to put an emergency wash in at like six o'clock. By the way, Tesco wash, not sponsored by Tesco, but it is the best thing ever. It is the best thing ever. And I always talk about Tesco wash. en niet iedereen weet het, dus Tesco Woosh kan. Je kunt op Tesco, als je in je big...

Big shop. And then there's an option for your delivery slots. And it says like the click and collect. And then it says a whoosh. Click on the whoosh. And you pick what you want online. It's delivered to your door by an Uber driver in 20 to 30 minutes. It is. It's amazing. It is revolutionary. I don't. It's me.

het me misschien wel zo lazy, want waar ik vroeger hadden in de auto en vriven naar de Tesco, of in de Tesco, dat is half a mile away van mijn huis, is er een beetje een paar mijlijf voor €2.99 Do you know, I did see Deliveroo. I've started doing supermarket fast shops. And I think it might be an even cheaper delivery fee. Oh. Yeah. So they've got on, but it is...

Het is brilliant. Het is brilliant. I mean, very lazy. It is lazy, but I, at this time of year particularly, we've got in Newcastle a big Tesco Extra, and it is fucking massive. It's like the size of a shopping mall. I love just going and losing myself. This is a picky bit galore. Do you know what I haven't had yet this year? I haven't had a chocolate orange yet. Oh, neither have I. Surely it's time. Surely it's time. Don't tell Brad. Don't tell Brad.

I'm just going to switch Brad off. We're just going to suck Brad off. We're just going to delete Brad from my apps. Sorry Brad. We love you. We love Brad. Bye bye bye. See you in New Year. Ja, zie je in februari, want je kan niet die in januari. Dit is de ding. En ik ook voel dat...

Dieting in January I'm also opposed to. Because I feel like fuck you to the system. Because it's what they want you to do. They want you to get fat over Christmas. So I always feel like people want to get thin before Christmas. So they can get fat over Christmas. You get thin to get fat. Ja. ZANG EN MUZIEK De system. De system. I don't know who runs the system. Who is in charge of it. But they want you to get fat at Christmas. Is it just Marks and Spencers? It's Daily Mail Online. Is it?

Daily Mail Online. Fat shame everyone. Fuck you Daily Mail. Unless you want to write about my upcoming tour which is expanded into 2024 in which case I'm available for interview and a photo shoot in my own home. Can you bring the makeup artist? Thanks so much. So, I don't die in January because people want me to die in January. And also, you have all the good food, don't you? Because you get loads of good stuff.

So, er is no point, like, literally going on the 1st of December. I'm not doing, I'm not doing this. I'm going to eat lettuce. You may as well just kind of, just finish all the booze. Finish the booze. And then, and go for it. Yeah, what did I say? 1st of February. 1st of December.

Oh ja, don't do that. 1st January. And then just start. And I had to say maybe March. When you got rid of it. Because you've got all the booze haven't you? Oh my gosh, you know what? I discovered last year at Christmas time. And I'd never had it. And it is so good. Did I tell you about this? I know what you're going to say. Snowballs. Yeah, but not the kind that we discussed in Urban Dictionary last week.

Dat was niet... Dat kind of snowball maybe happened the year before last. When I got pregnant, it was in Christmas and New Year. Although, technically, with that kind of snowballing, that's not how you make the babies. No, it's not. And Steve ain't got it in him to go more than once. It's a certain age, isn't it, where it's just like, oh, it's just the ones. Fine. So, a snowball made with advocat. Advocat? Advocar. How do we say it? Advocar. Advocar. Alcoholic custard. Oh.

Have you had it? Have you ever had it? I have. And do you know what? Now you've just made me think, why do I not smash these in all the time? I think it's like a Christmas milkshake, isn't it? It's a Christmas, which I think maybe. I've never had eggnog either, apart from an eggnog Starbucks. I've not had a snowball. I've had an eggnog. I've had eggnog. Which I think is a similar vein. How do you make a snowball? Come on. So a snowball. This is going out. Okay everyone. Everyone.

We'll step back into 1982, everyone. Okay? Yeah. Nice. You need to go and get yourself a bottle of Advocat slash Advocat. We don't know how we say this. I don't know whether it is... It's fancy. It's fancy French pronunciers. You say tomato, I say tomato. It might not even be French. And you to this add some lemonade. ... ... ... ...

No, it's like custard. It's not as thick as custard, but it's viscous. There's a viscosity to it. It's not like a spirit. It's a bit more like a Baileys, like a thin Baileys, I would say. Thin babies. Is it a bit... It sounds very similar to the snowballing we were talking about last week in your mouth. Is it got the same consistency? Is it got the same consistency? It's got the same colour as well. Anyway... Kind of the same viscosity. But tastes a lot better. Tastes a lot better.

Dashalime. I was not saying a dashalime to anything makes anything days better. But honestly, my mother-in-law brought it up last Christmas and I was like, Amanda, what is this? What is this 1980s shite that you brought into my house? En ze was dat, vertel me, Mamie Snowball. En toen was ik, wow, we smashed a bottle in about 3 hr.

Stend Steve's dad down to co-op to go and get some more. He bought the only bottle of Advocar that they'd had in stock for about two years and then we smashed that and sent him to go and get more and he couldn't find it. Dus ik ga mijn advokat uitvoeren. Het is zo goed. All het was missing was een glace cherry.

And then Steve was drinking them. And he was like, oh, this takes me back to my childhood. I was like, sorry, what? And he was like, we were always allowed a snowball at Christmas. I mean, it is...

Full alcohol, by the way. Proper alcohol. And then I was talking to other people and they were like, oh yeah, we were always allowed a baby sham at Christmas. Yes, we had a baby sham at my grand. Yeah. Right, well, that's on my to-do list. My to-do list is already quite long, but I'm going to add on to there.

Try Snowball. Your giant Tesco Extra shop. I think there might be a new flavour. I think there might be a mint chocolate orange as well. I don't know if there always has been. Are you not a mint chocolate eater? What do you do about aftereats? Are we talking about chocolate oranges here? Yeah, but it's not orange. It's just a chocolate orange, but it's a chocolate mint, but isn't the shape of an orange. Don't mess with the chocolate orange.

Je weet hoe het met de white ones en de darken. Ik moet het als is gaan. Ik moet het als is gaan. Ik moet het als is shout at mijn dog. Omdat een beetje vanwee komt. Oké, in order to stop the dog from barking, this is the bargaining chip. I've allowed her to jump on the bed and have a snooze on the bed. Oh no, she's off. No, she's going to go and lick Steve's pillow. TV Gelderland 2021

Oh, she's... She's rubbing her ass on his pillow. She's just rubbing her ass on Steve's pillow. Because he never likes her on the bed. And she's like, screw you, Steve. She licks his pillow. Dus ik denk het is omdat ze hem zo genoeg is. Of ze gewoon genoeg is een beetje VO5 matte clay. as a food source. And so she goes to his pillow. She doesn't do it on my pillow. She just goes to his pillow. Dogs do that. Why do dogs have to spin round 12 times before they get into a comfy position? She spins.

Ja, daar is. She's down. She's down. She's down. So, do you know the question at the moment that's really annoying me the most? People ask me, are you ready for Christmas? Are you ready for Christmas? Ah, no, ik ben niet voor Christmas. Ik ben niet even voor mijn child's Christmas dinner. De dag, tomorrow, whenever het is. Ik ben niet voor mijn eigen Christmas dinner. Ik ben niet voor dat. No, of course ik niet. Het is me. Het is in de diary, maar ik heb niet gezegd.

I believe it's around about the 25th. So I'm not ready for Christmas. I'm not ready for Christmas. And I have also suddenly gone into weird Christmas nesting overdrive because of how not ready for Christmas that I am. And it's not anything to do with buying presents. It's not anything to do with excessive bauble buying and garland hanging. I tell you what I've got on my front door. We've still got the Halloween reef up on the front door. Oh, I didn't know there was such a thing.

Ja, wel, Evelyn made one, ze bought some shit from Amazon and just made one. But I tell you what, I nearly died yesterday because somebody knocked at the door and we had a curtain over the door because it's draughty, it's got a big draught in it, so we had a curtain over the door. And it had taken me a little while to get to the door.

And by the time I got there, the man obviously thought that I wasn't in. And I hadn't realised that somebody was still there. I thought they would have just left it. So I pulled back the curtain. And there was the man's head kind of just only half miserable through the reef.

I screamed. He jumped. And then we both had a little laugh at each other through the class. It was horrible for a minute. I was just like... Also, just speaking of being terrified, I also need to tell you about this. So, Steve was away.

En het was me en de kids. En Nate had cried. Maar ik had lefd hem voor een paar minuten. Dus ik dacht, hij zou kunnen gaan. Maar hij ging niet. Dus ik ging upstairs. Het is de dog snoring, niet me farting in de background. Ik ging upstairs. En alle de lights waren op upstairs. En ik... What the fuck? I screamed and went, FUCK! in said man's face. It was Jack.

En he, honestly, he was ginormous in this chair. And he was like, oh mum. And he's there just trying to like rock Nate back to sleep. And he's the sweetest thing. He was, yeah, God love him. But I screamed oh fuck in my child's face. En dan had to, en dan he was like money, because he knows all the swear words, he knows he's not allowed to use them. And we don't use them unless... Ja. Ja. Ja. TV Gelderland

apart from the Halloween one. And I am getting the house ready for Christmas in other ways. I am doing trivial things around the house that I've been putting up doing for three years slash making Steve do things just so that they're ready for Christmas. I'm going to give you an example of this. We haven't had a proper door hanging in our kitchen.

which leads to our downstairs toilet for about three years since we had our extension done. There has either been no door there, or what has actually been there is just a sheet of MDF that's blocking the doorway to stop Nate from falling to his death down the two stairs, right? I've decided, because my mum and dad are coming for Christmas, and my sister and her partner and her kids, that there needs to be a door.

Er needs to be a door there, Steve. Er hasn't been a door there for three years, but now, now there needs to be a door. So poor Steve, he's had to build a doorframe, hang a door, he's built all the arc of... ZANG EN MUZIEK

I don't have any coffee tables, right? Because I've bought about a million coffee tables and I've sent them back over the years. Don't like them. I've panic bought, I've been on John Lewis, I've panic bought two coffee tables. Steve's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm buying the coffee table, Steve. My mum and dad are coming.

voor christmas het was dat je mom kwam voor een koffie twee dagen ago je niet hebt een table en het bedrijf je was ik weet niet waar het is christmas het makes us cuckoo het does christmas makes us a bit cuckoo Het is worse dan nesting voor een baby. Er is een big hole in de wall downstairs. I'm going to have a go at polyfillering when I come off this. I don't know. It's been there for about six months. But now again is the time. In case the neighbours pop over. The neighbours always pop over.

en geven me parcels en dingen. Ze zien de hole in de wall. De house is always a shit tip. What is it that happens? It's almost like this pressure to be Brie van der Kamp from Desperate Housewives on Christmas Day, isn't it? MUZIEK TV Gelderland 2021 I'm the same.

I've got a feeling that Jez does this year as well, but Steve will order things, just orders like random shit from Toolshed. But he puts my name on the order because he knows that I'm at home during the day, so he just does everything. in my name. So I was like, oh, what Steve sent me? What has Steve sent me today? And it's a hammer that's come. I'm like, oh great. The ones that get me, it's...

It's one random little hinge, yeah. It's just like, what is this for? Like, really, really random. Yeah, oh my god, what are they like? What are they? Unhinge! En mensen denken, heb je een hele christmas shopping? Het is een rule of thumb. Als Amazon Prime kan't deliver het de day before, my kids don't get het voor christmas. Maar ik weet wat ik did doen yesterday.

I went to a shopping village. I went to Cheshire Oaks, which is quite close to us. It's like an out there village place. That sounds lovely. It does, doesn't it? I mean, it was alright. Steve had been like, oh, should we go? And I've always said I'm not going to Cheshire Oaks.

I hadn't been since I was a kid. And I was like, I think it's shit. I don't think you get anything good there. Like outlet stuff is all just, you know, like the sleeves been sewed onto the neck. It's like, it's the stuff that nobody wants. I was like, I'm not doing that. This dog is snoring so loudly by the way behind me. But we went. Oh my God.

Loads of really good stuff. I got a jacket. I got a leather jacket. They had an All Saints there. I got a leather jacket that should have been like 300 quid. And then they had extra. It had like 50% off extra from the actual price.

this leather jacket for like 150 quid. And it's really nice. And so that was my Christmas. So we went to Steve and was like well let's buy each other our Christmas presents. Oh that's a good idea. Yeah so we went and we did that. So he's bought me that for Christmas. But I've got loads of stuff for myself. I went mad.

Got loads of stuff. Didn't get any Christmas presents for the kids. Didn't get Christmas presents for anybody. I know. I just had a lovely day shopping. So I had a whole day out shopping to do Christmas shopping and came out with loads of clothes for myself.

Anyway, no, ik heb niet gedaan, ik heb niet gedaan. Ik kan niet, ik weet het, ik heb een keer gezegd, ik heb een beetje gezegd gezegd gezegd gezegd, het is een proper british small talk, dat je niet gaat over de weather, je vraagt dat je hebt gezegd. En deze man was zei, ik heb gedaan, eigenlijk.

I need to buy my wrapping paper. I was like, no, Susan. I can't stand the people who were so organised that started their Christmas shopping months ago and have got it all done. It's all in a cupboard. We wrap on Christmas Eve under panic.

Dat is me. Which is quite nice. There's something quite nice about that. I did do all of my Christmas shopping but a couple of presents at Black Friday sales. I was literally there and I just was like bam bam bam bam bam. I did it. I just blasted it. But then now the problem is like we're at the room where I'm in now. It's just full of boxes and I've got no idea what I bought. I don't even know if everything's arrived. I've got no track of it. And I don't even know what I bought now. So yeah.

Ja, dus er is upsides, er is downsides, babes. Ik weet het niet, maar ik ben benieuwd als de Amazon man komt op de front door en hij heeft een trolley met mijn dingen in, want het is Christmas Eve en hij is er met de trolley en presents. He's just ordered everything in one hit. Boom. Done. Done. I know where I am though. I know where I am. It's all good. It's all good. Alright Lucy.

Have we got maybe some more festive Urban Dictionary this week for Urban Dictionary Corner? Or have we gone mainstream? Have we gone festive or have we gone mainstream? I'm going festive, babe. I'm going festive. There she is. Right, so let's go. Sophie McCartney, what is a Christmas cracker? A Christmas cracker. Oké, is a Christmas cracker, you know when people eat sushi off people naked, which is not something I've ever done, but I believe it happens. Not like that.

Maar is het een platter van ars in de air en er is een treat nesteld in tussen de bum cheeks en dan twee mensen moeten... Just fight it out of the crack. And then whoever gets it. Oh, I was like, what has this got to do with a cracker because of an arse crack? Ja, dus het is als iemand lies met haar ars in de air, heeft een beetje kleed sticking uit het, en dan twee mensen hebben ze hun faces in het. Een beetje zoals Bob Apple, maar Bob Ars. Ja, het was me. En dan je hebt...

Ja, het is een christmas game, het is een fun christmas game en je hebt to wrestle. Ik ga het Hasbro aan het, ik ga het on to Dragon's Den, ik ga het coin het. Dat is wat een christmas cracker is en je hebt to get in er right amongst de crack en je gaat het uit. Is that what a Christmas cracker is? I don't know who I feel more sorry for. The person who's got the crack on show or the person who's got to go in somebody's crack. Motorboat the crack just for a shit joke and some screwdrivers.

Mini... Mini... Screwdrivers in the arse, though, probably is a thing. I don't know about the mini ones. Yeah. Dat is een heel... Ik was van, waar is ze gaan met dit? Maar ik get het. Het is niet, maar dat was een heel wonderful, wonderful attempt. Dit is eigenlijk echt heel erg strange. No way, no shit. For Urban Dictionary, this is quite strange. Okay, go on. A Christmas cracker is when... When?

It's when you burp and fart at the same time, emitting gas from both ends simultaneously. Oh, I've done that before. Yeah, everything goes. Right, a quick one. Quickie. What is a Christmas Adam? A Christmas Adam. A Christmas Adam. A Christmas Adam. Oh, oh, is he? Is it Christmas Adam? Like, I'm just, I've gone back biblical. I've gone to Adam and Eve, and Eve ate the apple from the tree, and Adam was probably like, fucking hell, Eve.

Can't believe you fucking ate the apple you fat bitch. Now look at us. Now we don't get to live in Eden. Now we've got to go and live out on the land. And fucking shag each other. And then our children shag each other. And their children shag each other. And we have to populate the whole fucking planet. Can't believe you ate.

de apple fat shaming her for eating the apple when she wasn't allowed to eat right and is maybe a christmas adam is that it a christmas adam is that what we said yeah okay maybe a christmas adam is just like a dickhead man who Fat James is with a half at eating something at Christmas. Can't believe you're eating seven chocolate oranges again. You're kind of on the right track. Am I on the right track? Is it biblical? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's biblical. It's biblical. So Adam...

Famously, Adam came before Eve, right? Oh, okay. So it's the day before Christmas Eve. So the 23rd is Christmas Adam because Adam came before Eve. Oh, I just thought that you were insinuating when you were talking about coming before that that was just like a special Christmas present to your husband. You get to come before me, but now that's every day, isn't it? So, you know.

Do you want a Christmas item today where you get to come first? Parenting fails. Parenting fails slash tails. Loose. What have we got this week? is it something good is it an anonymous source and that's when we know that they're awful before I go into it we've had a little email from Louise and she said I had to get in touch because the tune that you use on when you're when you use Room of the View. Ja, ja, ja.

She's nailed it. Do you know what that is, that tune? No, what? It's from The Big Breakfast. Remember The Big Breakfast? Egg on your face! Egg on your face! Er we go! Dat is waar het is. Dus dit week we hebben een nieuwe one hier. Waar het is eigenlijk een grandparenting fail. Oh. Ja. Het is een nieuwe element. Het is. Het is een nieuwe dimension. Oké.

Dear Sophie and Lucy, love the podcast, been listening from the beginning and have been deliberating whether to send this story to you ever since then. ... ... ... Correct thing to do. Absolutely. In the spirit of Christmas and whatnot. Absolutely. So, my lovely mum has always been really hands-on with my children and helped with childcare when they were little. She also liked to think that she was in touch with the youth.

So she had a tendency to pick up little snippets of lingo that she liked to drop into conversation to show that she was down with the kids. One day, I was over at my mum's house with my son. Alfonso. She says she's changed his name to protect his identity. Because you'll understand why. When we get to the end of the story. Also, I love that she went Alfonso. She went quite great on the name there, didn't she? Yeah, she did. Alfonso was about three at the time.

So we were having a nice cup of tea putting the world to rights. A very boring conversation for little Alfonso. So my mum took him upstairs to watch TV in her bedroom. He was living his best life lying in my parents' bed, watching Chuggington with some chocolate buttons and a fruit shoot. Lovely. After a while, my mum went to check on him.

So, while she was gone, I did the usual scrolling through Facebook, probably watching some tired and tested content. Probably. To find my mum had just updated her status. added a little picture of Alfonso looking smug as fuck reclining on her bed with the caption Alfonso chillaxing on Nanny's bed. Well that's what the caption was supposed to say. Due to the magic of autocorrect, what the caption actually said, alongside a picture of my son looking extraordinarily pleased with himself, was...

Alfonso. Climaxing on Nanny's bed. Oh my god. For all of the internet to see. Oh my god. Oh my god. And this is why over 65 should not be allowed on the internet. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I know, I know, and the fact that he was looking so smug and happy on the bed as well. With my fruit shoot. It's not the only thing that's shooting. Yeah. God. So she said, I obviously did what any self-respecting mother would do and immediately screenshot the poster. She'd be like, mail purposes.

Before telling my mum she better delete it before social services came calling, she was mortified and seems to be a little more careful about using slang these days. Although she did invite me round to Netflix and chill. So maybe she's not quite learned a lesson. No, no. Oh, that's very worthy of the mascara, that one is. I love that.

Keep up the great work with the pod. As a harassed, gin-drinking mother of four boys, I need all the laughs I can get. And that's from Kay. Thank you, Kay. And little Alfonso. And to little Alfonso. Who is not climaxing on his grandmother's bed. I mean, also the worst place to do it, right?

Thank you for listening to episode 16 of the 10 Tested Podcast. We hope that you enjoyed it. We hope that you have a wonderful festive period wherever you are, whatever you are celebrating. Enjoy the lovely special time with your children. Fingers crossed that nobody gets Norro or has to go to A&E because that'll be fucking awesome. ZANG EN MUZIEK ... ... ... ... We will be back

met een beetje snacket, wat meer piquie bits tussen Christmas en New Year en dan weer naar de normale posten schedule in de New Year. Ik denk dat dat alles. Luz, hit de jingle! It's the Tired and Tested Podcast. Enjoy the safe play zone. Over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan. Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak. Things like saggy boobs and hangovers that last a freaking week. Happy listening to the podcast.

Weet jij hoeveel geld je hebt als je later stopt met werken? En geef jezelf een extra pensioenpotje cadeau, waarmee je spaart of belegt voor later. En het mooie is, je kan daarbij ook nog heel wat belastingvoordeel krijgen. Iedereen een extra pensioenpotje. Brand new day. Beleggen kent risico's. Je kunt een deel van je inleg verliezen.