Lip Flip Sips and Minging Dips

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Well, hello. everybody long time no speak welcome back to another episode of the tired and tested podcast with me sophie mccartney and she's back back again lucy's back with their fringe Hi, babe. Oh, I've missed you. Well, not really, because we speak to each other every day, but it's not in a podcasting vicinity. It's nice to be back. I've been pining.

I feel like I've missed everyone as well. I've been missing the lols. I've been missing the listeners, even though I don't know who they are. And all their brilliant parenting tale slash fail. And run-ins with the police and social services and whatnot. So much time has passed. August was our last episode, wasn't it? And a lot has gone on since August. I feel probably about 50 years older. You are actually... A decade older. Well, I mean, it hasn't been that long.

I can still smell the fresh paint.

Lucy's turned 40. Welcome to the club, motherfucker. I'm delighted, to be honest. Absolutely delighted that you're now 40 with me. I feel that you took it better than I took it, though, to be fair, because you took yours with a shot of Ibiza. I did. I really did. Well, you always talked about when you turned 40, how you were going to do it. You weren't going to go quietly, were you? No, I'm still not. And you're still not. So then I thought, yeah.

fuck it, let's really go for this. And if I'm going to go, I have to say, we did three nights in Ibiza.

don't think i could do three nights on the bounce again in ibiza i think i might have to retire my three night in the bounce you were slightly ruined and also a little bit fuming with me because i did not go with you to ibiza we still need to go back to ibiza you and i collectively because and the loss of our listeners will know that the time that you and I have been to Ibiza together was post lockdown and it's the only time in Ibiza history that you weren't allowed to dance.

Like, I tell people this story now and they're like, what the fuck? I'm like, I know. And they're like, what did you do? Like, we sat on a little table and we did, to be fair, as a mum, it was a great night out. We just sat, we did like a shoulder dance, didn't we? Like, ooh. My bunions hurt, but it doesn't matter.

because I'm sat down. We actually had a great time. And it meant that we could wear really hard heels. Yes. We didn't have to worry about having sore feet. No, exactly. Although I think we probably still did. I've got a great video of you falling down a hill in your Burberry heels. But, babe, right.

Do you know what I discovered the other day? You know that I'm an avid fan of a Craig David. And in fact, I was messaging you from my last Craig David debauchery, which you were not present for, but I basically, I'd whitened my teeth and... I was in a world of pain. I'm not joking. You know that. I've never tried it. It hurts so much. They look great.

awful they do look nice thanks I've only done it twice I've spent a fortune on the stuff and I can only do I'm not doing it again now that's it that's it I'm just gonna I'm just going to have to, I don't know what, intravenously take my coffee maybe now because that's what's doing it so much. Yeah, well, I can't do it through a straw. For other reasons. Other reasons that we'll come back to shortly. But when I was doing my Craig David.

And it didn't end well for me because I couldn't have my face in so much pain. I basically drank to numb the pain to the point that I couldn't feel my face. Good work though. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. But I love you. And then I spew. It was about times. But it was brought to my attention by one of my friends that I was doing a Craig David incorrectly. So how would you do the Craig David? I shot a tequila. I shot a pineapple. Wrong. Pineapple juice.

Right. Thanks, Street Lucy. Hang on a minute. So I have now seen an Instagram video from the main man himself, Craig David. And it's not how you do it. It's an incorrect format. So you're meant to do a little bit of tequila. Okay. And then a little bit of pineapple. Yeah. And then you knock it back.

Right, wait a minute. Tell you what, let's do one. I did not come empty handed. So what you're saying is... You put it all in your mouth at the same time. It's like a tequila pineapple party in your mouth. I'm sorry, what? It's a tequila pineapple party in your mouth. All right, well, let's get, we've got a nice bottle of Patron here. Oh, you know, perfectly planned by Lucy here. Just so, she always carries a thing of...

tequila around. Always rattling. Always clinking around. You just never know. It's even got the little... Plastic. Oh, it has. Right, hang on. All right, here we go. Oh my God, the pressure. Audience, just talk amongst yourself while Lucy cracks open. Should I do the pineapple? You do the pineapple. Oh yeah, that's good. I'll do that. I've got to give it a shake. And Lucy bought this pineapple in what? In Soho. So how much do you reckon this pineapple cost?

£12.50 for my partner of Dolmonte. You're going to charge that back to me. Oh, by the way, we need to address who Lucy actually is because Lucy gets a little bit upset for herself because when we are together, which is quite a lot, or when I'm talking about her or she's talking about me, people think that she's the controlling one in a row.

relationship between us and they're like sorry who is Lucy and Lucy why are you always with her making her do things that she doesn't want to do which we'll circle back to in a minute because she's recently made me do something that I did not want to do it was not a Craig David

Always up for that. But Lucy officially is my marmager, as well as being one of my best friends. We go way, way back. But she looks after me. She's actually in official capacity. She's in charge of me, really. She makes me do shit.

And I think this is actually her on a power trip from back in the day, which is how we know each other originally, is that we used to work in a PR agency to get that. And I made her dress as a six foot foam finger. And that bitch has never let that shit go. And so from now on.

I am now Lucy's work, bitch, and she makes me do things that I don't want to do in a work capacity. So that's who Lucy is. Right, rack them up. Right, okay, here we go. Ready? Ready for the noise? Oh, no, I'm scared I'm going to spill it. Ready? Oh! That was a good one. Ready? Ready? Tap on the mic. Hang on. That does sound good. But we don't need the toilet.

I've got pleather pants on. I can just do mine inside my trance. There's no one I'll know. Okay. Oh, I'll do that. Hang on. You did the pineapple ASMR. Oh. That sounds like you're having a dehydration of wee, doesn't it? Looks like it as well, actually. Is that about it? when you're really squeezing a wee out you know when your mum makes you get in the car and forces you to have a wee and you're like I don't need one just try I do that with the kids right there you go is that enough yeah

All right. All right. You go first then. Oh. As the professional Craig Davider. Come on then. I'm worried about this because I've recently done something to my mouth. I've done something to my mouth. Sorry, what was that? Sounds like you're a dentist and you can't swallow. It's a bit like... It's a bit like... Sorry, can we just explain what you've had done in your mouth? Because you're coming across like batshit crazy right now.

She hasn't even had tequila yet. OK, so, you know, I enjoy a bit of a bit of the Botox in the face. And last time I was getting my Botox done, my friend who does it and she just looked at me really lovingly. What are we going to do about these bits around here?

Slippery slope, guys. And pointed to the side of my face. And I was like, oh, okay. So she's like, when are you on tour next? I was like, February. And she's like, okay, let's play with some lower face Botox. So I had some Botox. I'm still so confused as to what this is meant to do. because I'm not saying this is the first thing. Fuck off.

I'm not saying this in a bad way. I can't tell what... Well, that's not good Bosox. That's good Bosox, as long as you can't tell. So I've had a little bit in my platysmal bands, which if you do this... Like you'd strain into other poo. You mean like that? Yeah, clench your teeth together. Like you're fucking shouting at your kids in a supermarket.

I've got it, Ruth. You haven't got it. That's because I've had Botox in my politism. I know that's because I've had Botox in my politismal band, so I don't have that. I know, it feels like a recently shaved vagina. It does! A recently shaved flap. It does. It's what it feels like. Not a flap. Oh, yeah. No, I'd say more over the vaginal bone. Like the front, the front bum. You know, like the front bit. The front bit. Your front bum. Yeah.

That's what it feels like. It doesn't feel like... Can you stop suggestively stroking me at the same time? It doesn't feel like a flap. You don't want it to feel like flap? No, a smooth flap. I'd ask for your mini pack. I think that... Well, I think that flap skin is a lot... Mine's smoother than front...

bottom skin yeah yours you look like a Wallace and Gromit character right now I don't look like that that's because of the Botox but what it's done is it's kind of done so it's kind of pulling certain areas of my mouth in a different way which would be fine apart from the fact I've also had a little bit of Botox above my top lip I've had a lip flip I've had a lip flip so this is because when I smile my top lip goes underneath and so I don't have a top lip

I know, right? I'll show you a picture afterwards and you go, oh, I see. So I've had some Botox in the top lip. Now, the problem with the Botox in the top lip is that it affects the way that you close your mouth. Blowjobs are tricky. So Steve.

Is that the new excuse? Yeah, I'm not allowed for medical reasons. Also makes drinking out of a straw particularly difficult. Pass me that water bottle, let me just demonstrate. Drinking out of a straw of what this now looks like. Hang on, right. I feel like this has got to be a social clip. Hang on, right.

this is an air up bottle but other other brands actually i don't think there is another brand to rival air up but they are available right hang on okay right and what happens is when i start laughing oh wait oh oh god what the fuck What happened? Did you just walk into it? Are you okay? I'm sorry. Are you okay? Yeah, yeah. Did you just walk into it? I've never done that before in my life. I just heard I just heard this like ricochet

It's Joe's first day on the job, guys. You can see there's an infinite look. Joe was, yeah. It's honestly, it's disgusting. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Sophie's crying. She can't cry probably because of the Botox. Okay. Okay. So back to where you were. Oh, God. You were just about to...

All right, Sophie's just about to demonstrate a lip flip. I've lost it even more because the problem with the lip flip is that once you start laughing or smiling, you can't control your face. I've lost control. I can tell. I've lost full control of the lower section of my face. Okay. Right. Okay. for serious podcasting business.

I haven't even had tequila yet. I've just snotted everywhere because I'm sort of a bit of a cold. Don't use my jammer. No, I wasn't. Oh, my God. I'm using an Itzu napkin. Right. It's abrasive. Okay. Okay, so if I were to drink out of a bottle or a straw, it looks a little bit like this. Okay, hang on. Are you ready? Okay, okay.

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Starring Harriet Dyer and Tim Meadows, DMV is here to serve you laughs. Watch October 13th at 8.30, 7.30 Central on CBS and streaming on Paramount+. it's the closing of the mouth afterwards to secure the liquid hang on again problematic for a blowjob hang on what so you can't just go You can't, no, you can't do that motion with your mouth. It's the same like if you have something off a spoon as well. You can't, you just can't, like, hang on. Okay.

Excellent. So, how much did you pay for this privilege? Quite a lot. Quite a lot. Obviously, when I told Steve, I reduced it heavily. So, 50% of that was Stephen's bargain. Black Friday. Anyway.

I don't even know why I was telling you that now. I don't know either. But now... Now it's time for a tequila shot anyway. I think, Jo, do you need a tequila? Yeah. Jo, you go for a tequila too. Feel like you need drugs. Much like when I had to do them when I whitened my teeth to take the vein away. Do you need something? Yeah, do you need something to do? You need something for your concussion. Swelling. Right. Okay. Right. Okay. Looking for a drink.

Tuesday? Make a home drink on Tuesday. We were making a... Yeah, right, okay. Tequila first, right? So down the hatch. Oh, am I doing it first? You're going first. Wait a minute. I don't think it's down the hatch. I think it's half and half. Half, hatch, half. Half hatch half. I think so. Say pineapple first. Half. Okay, great. Come on. Come on. I'm going to die doing this. Okay, hang on. Oh, God, she's going to double. Are you double? Oh, go on. Come on.

No. Right, I'm going to show you how to do it like a pro. Oh, my God. Fuck me. Oh, my God, right, I can't do that. Right, hang on. My flip won't allow it. I'm going to do it properly. Oh, my God. Right, half shot half, yeah? Yeah. Shall we do it in Newcastle? I can't do that. Yeah, well done you. Thanks. Oh, my God. I burnt. No. Okay, so... Okay, great!

We did our decree, David. I still haven't finished mine. Hang on. Just mix it together. Tequila and pineapple. Oh, yeah, that's probably... Well, do you know what? That'd be really nice with a bit of soda. Wouldn't it? Might be when you drink. Okay. Right. Oh, I'll tell you what, Greg David would not be making love to me by Wednesday. Also, I wouldn't be able to give him a blowjob and it would be tragic. Okay, right. Moving swiftly on.

Oh, just steal myself. Do you think we're going to get nominated for any podcasting awards this season? You think they're going to be lining up for us? I think so, yeah. Podcast Awards 2025. I think so. We're going to be there. Just remember where it's next to the Ramses. All right, Chris. All right, Rosie. When was the last time you... A major podcast producer running to a police bus window full of holes. This episode is brought to you by The Lego Group. As parents and caregivers.

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Okay, so let's backtrack. What's been happening in our lives then? Right, so let's go back to August. Okay. The reason that we took a little hiatus is because you were doing Fringe. I was doing Fringe. Oh my God, that seems so long ago. It was sunny.

It was sunny. It was sunny back there. Oh, mind you, no, it wasn't. That's a lie. It wasn't in Edinburgh. Was it now? No, it wasn't in Edinburgh. It was absolutely fucking freezing in Edinburgh. Standard. I got off the train. Is it Waverley station? I got off and I walked.

out and I thought what's going on in the archways I thought there must be some kind of interpretive dance thing that was going on and people stopped to watch as I go it's so fringe right now and it wasn't it was because the rain was blowing horizontally down the road

I was like, oh, hi, Edinburgh. I had such a laugh at Fringe. We did, didn't we? Oh, it was a hoot. And I was a bit worried about Fringe, but it was really good fun. And I was only whipping, so I was doing work in progress. Oh, because I've just launched a new show. Oh, I'm going on tour again.

Can I tell you my favourite thing about Fringe though? Go on. Was the fact that... Because you were doing a work in progress, you took your little spinner, didn't you? So you had like the wheel of fortune. Oh, I did. My wheel of misfortune. It certainly was, wasn't it? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Was it two shows or three? No, it was three shows. It was three shows on the bench. Back to back. So what? happened was Sophie had like various different

Talking points, like topics that I wanted to explore for the show. Yeah, exactly. But then you also had a few sort of wild cards in there, didn't you? So, like, mystery gift. Mystery gift that I forgot. And shot. And shot. And I kept getting the mystery gift and the shot confused.

as well so that was problematic wasn't it wasn't going to end well for me but honestly you could not have made this up three three nights and three shows back to back you ask somebody to come and spin it and they span and they span shots three times in a row each. So you were doing each show off the bat of three tequila shots. Yeah.

It was hilarious. It was a hoot. Oh, yeah. It wasn't. And remember, that's how you made a friend with a 65-year-old man, didn't you? Oh, my gosh, John. He didn't really like you. So I did 10 o'clock. So all my other shows were about 5 o'clock. So I was with the stand and the stand split.

kind of all the venues off. So there's the original stand, which is this really cool little underground, like typical comedy club. It's great. It's dead small. It's brilliant. And then they take over different venues. So we were in this hotel for one of them and it was lovely. It was dead swanks. I've been doing it.

all my shows there the five o'clock ones and then we went to the 10 o'clock show and it was slightly different the vibe was slightly different because people had been out all day drinking and so they were quite tired it was the only one that I hadn't quite sold out and so we had somebody outside saying oh do you want to come and see see this girl and so these this group of men these oldish no offense john blokes had come and sat on the front as well and the stand is very because it's so small

The stage is basically a step, a glorified step. And the people, the punters, are just sat on these little stalls, crotch level. And I walked out and there were these four blokes and they were in their like Stone Island tops, skinheads, just like not, not. the target market, I would say, and they were eyeballing me and I found it really, really distracting. So I had to stop the show.

and just address the situation that was happening in the room. And I made friends with them in the end, and I don't think they realised how hard their stares were until I pointed it out to them. I got him up on stage, and he spun my wheel, and we ended up doing tequila slams together, and then they loved me. Because they were shit-faced. That was very funny. So it was good fun. And we also got a black card. And we did. What was the bar called? Abattoir. Abattoir. Not Albatross. Not Albatross.

Yeah, I know. It was the card, you know, in Baby Reindeer that he finds on the floor. We got very excited. We did get very excited when we found that. So yeah, it was a real...

It was a good laugh. I very much enjoyed Fringe. Very much enjoyed. So we did Fringe and then came back from there and then Jack started high school. Oh my God. I don't. It's just, it's awful. It's awful. Also, he has to leave the house at 7.25 every morning, which means he has to get up before 7. And that's very...

Inconsiderate of the school. It really is. It really is. Because he has to get the bus. He has to get public transport. Because that means you have to get up. Because I have to get up. Because in his first week, he was very conscientious and he set his alarm and it was going off and he was getting up straight away because he was excited. Just independent. Yeah. And then, of course, then obviously wore off.

very, very quickly. So now there I am every morning. He can sleep. He's honestly gets this from me. You'll know this. His alarm goes off and he'll just, he just sleeps through it, but it wakes me up. And so I have to go in, drag him out of bed and then off he goes in the dark. And it's, do you know what I found really weird about sending?

him to school on a bus and I had a big thing in my head. Do you remember what the school bus was like? Oh, you went to a private school, didn't you? I still had a school bus. Yeah, but it was full of hush twats. Half and half. I'm going to school mama on the bus in my boater. It's not the same. Get like, get like, I went to a, an all girls home. Yeah. See you. Hang on. You went to an all girls school.

bitches be cray oh right okay like i would say real intentions no it's more like um prisoner cell block cake is what I would say to that. Oh my God, if you haven't been, like, I think this is possibly why I'm as thick-skinned as I am. When I think of all girls school, I think of Mallory Towers. Is that a lesbian porno? No, Enid Lighting. It's like Gordon's school and they're all like jolly hockey sticks. Yeah, I think that's innuendo from Enid about lesbian.

Is it? No, there was no mingling on that part because it was Church of England. That was frowned upon back in the 90s, wasn't it? But no, we went to All Girls Church of England High School, got the school bus and there was a hierarchy.

on the school bus and this is what i was worried about jack's so naive god love him and he just thinks that you know the world's lovely and he doesn't know anything bad happens and you know and then he's had to get the bus and the hierarchy of the bus is that you have almost like the um

You have like the mafia, don't you? That are like, you know, year five, six. Back of the bus. Yeah, not like year five, six. What do they call them? Like twelves, whatever they are. I don't know. I don't know the system. I don't know how it works. I did not prepare him well. I don't know. Bigger kids with taches that sit at the back of the bus.

bus yeah they've got eight pubes now fucking don julio sat at the back of the side yeah and it's like oh my god he's just gonna get on the bus and he's not gonna know the hierarchy and he's just gonna sit in the wrong seat and he's gonna get his kneecaps taken away from it he's gonna get killed on the bus So that was my word. And, of course, I've never sent him on public transport on his own ever. Why would I? Okay? Danger. Everywhere. Unagi. Okay? Danger.

And then just on his first day of school, I just opened the door at 7.25 and kicked him out and went, bye. Did you go back to bed? I hope you get back to bed. No, I'm gone. Two-year-old, haven't I? All right for some. So, yeah, so we started at school. But hey, I tell you what, it's...

It's a great school he's gone to. And I think probably listeners will remember the debacle of him not getting in first time. He had to go on the wait list. So I'm very happy he's gone to this school. But it's a little bit draconian. They mark them for every lesson that they're in. We have an app. And so they get behavior points that come through. So if he's messed around a little bit, then he gets a negative behavior point. If he's done something good, he gets a positive. But it's all like live.

streaming time. It's just supposed to be such a ball ache for the teachers. I could not be asking you. But also for the kids. For the kids. What a ball ache for the kids knowing that they are being monitored by their parents 24-7. That's it and I know if he's got attention before he even steps in through the door so I'm standing there you know like wait till I get you home.

by the door with a rolling pin. Like, you little fucker. What have you done? And then I give him an opportunity to tell the truth or not. But I was thinking about this. I can't, it's really difficult because I can't be too mad at him for some of the things that he's had negative behaviour points for at school because it's things like, you know, not concentrating properly in a lesson or not finishing his work in time or having a chat to his mate. If this sort of tech had been available...

when I was in high school some of the shit that I got up to was I feel like such a hypocrite lecturing him I locked my music teacher not me I was not the ringleader but I was part of it sorry Mr Sharples I locked him in a music

with all the keyboards there was a window so we had oxygen but we just we like we locked him in just for a laugh and he spent the whole of our lesson banging to get out and then someone undid the key and then we all ran away so we didn't know which one of us it was so like Imagine if I got to give you points in our day and age working together. If you got marks, negative or positive, when I'm asking you to do something. How do you think you'd fare, babes? Positive? Absolutely not.

So you know what? I know, people in glass houses and whatnot. It's just been a difficult time. And I'm just upset about him going to high school. Not the fact that he's got older. It's because I've got older. Anyway, what else has happened? What else has happened?

Oh, do you remember that time you made me go on a cruise? Right, hang on. Despite, despite knowing. Oh my God, I got so spitty then. Despite knowing. Despite knowing. that I dislike boats I get seasick and I'm not 82

Right, okay, can we just take it? Right, that is what you thought it was going to be. To be fair, yes, I did. I did think this. These were my ill-judged misconceptions of Cruise slash swinging life. But then we went and we had a... jolly old time at sea to be fair we did have a great time on the high seas and i wasn't sick which i was very happy about because i just generally speaking have to look at a boat and it's enough just to set my gag reflex but we had a beautiful suite we really did

And we've got a bottle of champagne and Sophie doesn't drink champagne. So guess who got two bottles of champagne, actually? Yeah, you did. Your luck was in. Your luck was in. But yeah, do you want to talk about the cruise? I've got really mixed feelings about the cruise because I had a lovely time like cruising and I had a special t-shirt.

for the cruise so i was actually performing i was doing like a bit of a whip for the new show and i thought it was a great opportunity to try out some new material yeah um and you know apparently a lot of kind of people our age cruise and there were lots of people

our age and lots of children and lots of children I was very surprised about this actually when we set foot on side the ship because I was like wow there's actually there are people our age did not think that I thought it was just the elderly um and so I had my Jane McDonald t-shirt gotta love a bit of Jane and then

I was doing a Q&A first before I was promised. This is the first night on ship. First night on ship. And we're doing a Q&A. And I turned up to do the Q&A. And I think this here... lay the slight issue because what happened with the Q&A was that I had to walk out on stage and get first look of the audience before coming back half an hour later to then do the full set. And the problem with this happening was that for the 30 people that turned up in a 250 capacity seater venue...

Well, you hadn't been promoting it, had you? I hadn't been promoting it. I didn't think that I needed to, and that was the issue. Were they all over the age of 65, Lucy?

But how many messages did you get from people on that cruise saying, oh my God, I can't believe you're on this cruise. I would have come to see you. Yeah. So we probably should have said that. We should have said that was probably a schoolgirl error. We didn't do that because I was terrified that you weren't going to actually get on the booth. That's true. There was a high probability that I was.

just gonna turn around and leave so um so so yeah I had a slight inkling from the Q&A that maybe things weren't going to go great For me, bearing in mind, my new show is essentially about all of my weird, heightened anxieties about getting old and dying. And a lot of the audience were like... 85% there do you know what I mean so but but we had what was it we had 45 minutes from

the Q&A to your performance. And honestly, I have never had the wrath of Sophie McCartney so much in my entire life. I don't often pull a diva strap, to be fair. I don't. I don't. I'm generally quite chill. This is what I say for Steve all the time. I'm so lucky to be married to me.

because I'm so low maintenance. And then I go, when I go, I go. And I just, oh God, because there was nothing worse than I went out and I did this Q&A and I was pulling out all the funnies, nothing. And I was like, oh my God, oh my. god this is just not going to go well and then knowing what I had coming up in the set and in my head I'm like okay adjust adjust the material adjust the material what am I but if I'd adjusted the material I'd have had two minutes and I had to kill an hour

So I was like, fuck it, I'm just going to have to go out with the full set and hope for the best. And I think probably a professional low point was me giving a 78-year-old man tips on how he could best contour his penis in case he ever wanted to send a dick pic. I tell you what, though.

that he's going to have some lucky ladies in his life. Well, I'll tell you what, his wife was sat right next to him and she didn't look highly impressed whatsoever. And, oh, yeah, it was just, oh, God. It was so awkward, but I can actually laugh about it now. I kept saying this. I'm like, this is good. to be hilarious when and I kept saying think about this time tomorrow and you were like how do you think it's gonna feel this time tomorrow when you haven't got a job anymore I did say that

But I did just keep saying, just think about how funny this is going to be. So now I'm out the other side of it. I can see the hilarity of it. But Jesus wept at the actual time. And it was just because I knew what I was walking into.

if I hadn't done the Q&A and I'd just walked out and seen all the old people and I'd just gone oh fuck I'm just gonna have to get on with this but because it was like waiting to be executed backstage it was yeah it was bad times so yeah Lucy made me do a cruise it was fun it was fun It took a lifetime to find the person you wanna marry. Finding the perfect engagement ring is a lot easier.

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on our little breakaway we had a little reassessment didn't we of some of the features structural changes guys and we are not doing away with some of our firm favorites like urban dictionary corner but we thought we would mix things up a little bit and so maybe do it like

other week or a couple of weeks and we'll throw in some different features so this is a new feature that we are going to be running um and this one i'm not sure how often to be fair because we are currently together in the middle of the day without our children so this might actually be like every every month maybe this feature because this because it means Sophie actually has to prep for the podcast

Slash we have to be in the room at the same time and not have to look after our children also, by the way. With natural ad-libbing talent like this, Lucy, I don't need to for no broadcast. Okay, right. So this feature. is called Boozy Newsy, which is where Lucy and I have a couple of alcoholic beverages and then we have a look at some of the hard-hitting news stories that have happened around the world.

This week. So I have another tequila, babe. Right. Are we just doing it? Just do a normal Cray David because I don't want to choke to death on the podcast. Okay. Ready? Go. Okay. Boozy Newsy. So loose.

Are you ready for this week's Boozy Newsy? Go on, are you going to depress me with the news? I know, but I need you to put your face on your phone so I can open it up first. Okay, now I don't think this is depressing, but I thought that this was actually really interesting. So I'm just going to read you out the headline. Okay. Swedish ministers' staff insist on banana-free rooms due to the weirdest phobia. Now, this sparked my interest because we all know how I feel about a banana.

I love a banana. Okay. A Swedish minister's phobia of bananas has led officials to insist rooms are free of the fruit ahead of any meeting or visit, according to the reports. Now, what's piqued my interest about this story is... the minister's job within the government and i just felt that it's like a prime is he like the prime minister or is it like an mp no one i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna tell you now don't jump ahead

So this particular minister has a job that I feel is just, you know, I feel maybe has a reason as to why they don't want bananas in their room. That's what it could be. The instructions from gender equality minister. Paulina Brunberg. Doesn't like a penis. She does not like a cock. No fucking bananas. in this room. Okay? I don't want none of that phallic shit anywhere near me. And that goes for you too, George. Yeah, but we're all equals here. We're all equals.

I was like, in what world can the gender equality minister send out an email saying that she won't have any bananas anywhere near her? Do you know what? Just the inside thoughts, babe. The inside thoughts. Don't put them into an outside voice, okay?

Do you know what I love about this? That Sweden is so fucking chill. And they're so liberal. This is their heartache news. We're dealing with flipping new... government we're dealing with like all these massive issues yeah we've got we've got british made rockets being fired into russia the the swedes Fucking bananas. Get bananas out of the room. Get bananas out of this room. I'm a gender equality minister, don't you know?

It just made me think because you know how much of a firm banana favourite I am. And I don't think officially allowed to go back to Australia because of my diva-ish behaviour of my tour rider, of my standards of banana. We were talking about your banana rider the other day. Bananagate. we had a meeting about you as I often do talking about you and we were talking about your rider and I was like because it was Jez my husband that put this

It was his fault. So I was like, I think we need to take that off because it is ridiculous. And it became a bit of a running joke when she was in Australia. And then we all agreed, no, we're going to keep it on because it actually is quite comical. And if it means that the general manager of these big theatres is running around trying to get a perfectly ripe banana, then it's pre-ripened, isn't it? Yeah, so to clarify, if anybody ever wants to send me a banana... Send them in too. Yeah.

PO bars. If Sweden need to get rid of their glotted bananas that are no longer allowed in any of their public areas, they can send them to me. But they have to be more on the green side of life. So they can't really be fully ripe yet. So that's just that perfect term.

turning point between green and yellow so still more of a green hue if they are fully if they're a deep yellow if they resemble a minion i cannot eat them they're just i think they're like fuzzy yeah i need a minion who's got a hangover that is what i that is the perfect like

I love her minions. A green flush. A green flush. And not one bruise on it anywhere. Can I just ask what the actual purpose of removing bananas from Maureen was then? Because she would absolutely lose her shit. Because she has a phobia. Yeah, but you know what? Yeah, so she has a phobia. but she went around telling everyone she was allergic to them, which is what I do with mayonnaise. She does.

Because I am phobic of mayonnaise. Steve asked me to make him a sandwich and he's like, can I have some mayo on it? And I'm like, I'm not fucking touching the jar, Steve. So no, you'll have it. You'll have it as dry as my post-cycle vagina. You're not having any.

kind of more yeast on your on your bread absolutely not um yeah it's yeah it's it's an issue for me so i do when i'm in restaurants i tell people that i'm allergic but of course if you look at the allergens of what mayonnaise is it's eggs So I've been in a situation where I have said I can't have mayonnaise because if you just tell people you don't like it.

They sneak it into everything. Do you know what I mean? I think most sandwiches, if you go to any service station, like M&S, they love to bloody sneak a bit of mayo in. I wrote a letter to Marks and Spencers.

Steve, I'm not high maintenance. I'm not high maintenance. You're so lucky to be married to me because I'm actually very chill. I wrote a letter to Marks and Spencers complaining because the only... fast food like you know like on the go sandwich slash wrap that I can have from Marks and Spencers is the hoisin and duck without mayonnaise because it's the only thing and I'm not exaggerating it's the only thing that doesn't have mayonnaise in and the sandwiches

that don't have mayonnaise in, they put a weird yogurt in. Like, why would you have a ham and yogurt sandwich? All right, each their own. Like a thrushy sandwich. Like, it's just like it was all sort of wrong, right? So this is my only thing that I could eat, M&S. And then M&S started putting... mayonnaise in their duck and hoisin wrap and I was like sorry I was like the Chinese

slash just me. I don't care. But the Chinese aren't doing their duck and hoisin pancakes with a dollop of Hellman's in it. I was like, what is this? Like, in what way is this okay? Anyway, these M&S are British. So they're trying to make it more British. And also, I'm just saying that apparently the reason that people add mayonnaise is just to be cheap.

But certainly in cheap, isn't it? Anyway, I wrote my letter. Yeah, exactly. I wrote my letter. And then a few weeks later, they reverted back to the original recipe. Now, I'm not saying it was me, guys. You're welcome. I'm not saying it was me. But, okay, so that is how strongly that I feel. I really like the mayonnaise version. No, it's rank, why would you? Oh, right. Anyway, I'm not even talking to anyone about that. Each to their own. But, okay.

this is how strongly that i feel about the mayonnaise subject so when i've been out previously because they do just like to sneak it in mayonnaise and burgers who the fuck puts a dollop of mayonnaise it's like you open your burger and like the devil's just jizzed on top of your meat that's what it is like that is honest and i get so

offended by it and they don't a lot of time they don't put it on the menu they just think oh well she'll just like some devil jizz on the side of her when was the last time you had some mayonnaise i've never had it in my life oh my god are you a three-year-old I don't like it. Mummy, I don't like mayonnaise. Can you just try it? No.

Because I know I won't like it. You little shit. You will try. That's it tonight. I'm getting a fucking tub of mayonnaise. I will not. I'll get you a prawn cocktail. There are many reasons why I would never do Amazon to get me out of here. Oh my God. Because you don't eat mayonnaise. Oh, because I'm not a celebrity. Shit!

But one of the overriding reasons is, as I'm not, I'm not fucking eating a witchetty grub if I can't eat a bit of Hellman's, can I? And I am so phobic of it. It's the way that when it dries, it goes a little bit translucent. Like, I just, it's, and it's, why? would you put vinegar and eggs and whisk it together and go eat it why would you and why is it white why is it white listen you don't eat mayonnaise when it's gone a little bit dry and gone a little bit translucent

Why are you doing that with your hands? Because that's what it looks like. You're doing the wanking off thing with your hands. I can't believe that you've just said you've never eaten mayonnaise. No, not knowingly. Not knowingly.

And this is why I also don't trust my dad. So my dad is, when I was little, my dad told me that cheesecake didn't have cheese in because I don't like cheese either, by the way. I just put it out there. I don't like cheese. But he told me that cheesecake didn't have cheese in just to try and get me to eat it. So I also don't trust whenever my dad cooks anything for me and he tells me things on it.

it. I don't trust him. He set me off with all sorts of weird food phobias. But you'll eat pizza. Yeah, because it's mozzarella. It's different. So you'll eat melon cheese. You'll eat mozzarella. Yeah, but I won't eat a ball of mozzarella. Right. Yeah, just like a wet testicle jiggling about on a load of fluid. Thank you. Wow. Okay. But I've been out in a restaurant and told them that I'm allergic.

I told them I'm allergic to mayonnaise. So they're like... oh my god okay like just making sure that there's no eggs anywhere near anything that's been prepared for me and then they've come around and gone dessert and I've gone oh I'll have the ice cream sundae please I'll have the custard tart and they're like wait what is that okay and I'm like It's the way that it's prepared. I'm just giving them my bullshit reasons. So I kind of get that.

i get the banana thing i do get it oh babe you know what i've thoroughly enjoyed our return back to podcast interview oh it's been a riot i can't feel my face again much like the teeth whitening incident but i've had a lovely time that much i know um if you

have enjoyed today please feel free to leave us a cheeky little review if you want if you don't then fuck off I don't want to know and if you want to send us any of your parenting tales slash fails then you can do so Lucy tied and tested at acast.com

If you do send them and we decide to read out your parent details slash file, you will get an iconic triple threat mascara, which we all know is the best fucking mascara that ever lived. Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. Okay, well, I think that concludes all official business, Lise. Hit the jingle. Bye.

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The LEGO Group's free LEGO Build and Talk activities help families navigate important online safety and well-being topics, such as cyberbullying and screen time, through the universal language of play. Search LEGO Build and Talk to find out more. and help your child thrive online.