Frozen Bits and Car-Door Hits

It's the Tired and Tested Podcast, enjoy the safe play zone, over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan. Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak, things like saggy boobs and hangovers that last a freaking week. From perky tits to kill and it's a snack, bitch, when I'm dead, I'm realising that parenting is just living in bumworm dread. Happy listening to the podcast.

Hello everybody and welcome to the Tired and Tester podcast with me Sophie McCartney and this week I have got the spectacular, the beautiful looking... little bit on front day today, babes, in your little navy white stripy ensemble. It's Lucy with the French. Bonjour, Lucy. Oh la la. Bien. Et vous? Muy bien, which I think is Spanish. Si, si. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much, GCSEC in French, with absolutely not my French teacher just mouthing me the answers over the top of the...

radio they had to record it into. What were they called? Radio? It was not radio. What was it? The little tape recorder. The little tape recorder thing, didn't they? Yeah. It wouldn't be like that now, would it? It wouldn't.

trust that teachers have back then because if it was my if i was a french teacher this is why i'm not a teacher if i was a french teacher and i had to send it off for like gcse or whatever i'd do it all myself and then send them all off my class would all get eight stars eight stars eight stars well you probably wouldn't make it too obvious would you so you would have to just like make one look thick as fuck and then the rest of them really so that'd be me being like done mantras

that would be it everyone and all the rest of them no i would if i was the teacher right i would let them do it in their own accent so i wouldn't want to have to be pretending to be 30 kids just doing like really weird really weird like geordie accent speaking french and then you know

go into all the different ones so i would let them do it but i would be like stopping it every 30 seconds going you fucked up let's go again let's just rewind the tape stick stick the old pencil inside the tape rewind it if that's the beginning

I'm going to pop that in and we're going to go again. Yeah, that's why we're not teachers. This is exactly why we're not teachers. Speaking of which, well, I was at my mother's house and she used to be a teacher, but I was having a little rifle through some of my old...

bedroom table drawers I thought I wonder whether anything of mine is actually still in them it's not that it's just my dad's socks I was really hoping that I wasn't going to find something untoward in any of those drawers but I didn't what I did find was some VHS tapes that had really weird recordings scribbled onto the side of them and then in capital letters do not tape over do you remember the days about do not tape over this this is me recording episode

32 of B-Watch. And if you record over this, I'm going to fucking have you. I'm going to whack you around there with one of my turkey drummers that I'm having for my tea. I showed the kids and they were like, what is that? I was like, oh, we'll gather around children. Let me take you back to a moment in time where we used to have VHS cassettes.

And then I fell down a hole of explaining Blockbuster Video to them as well. Now, it was actually only until very, very recently that I actually got rid of my Blockbuster Video card, my laminated Blockbuster Video card that was inside of my face. I think Blockbuster at this point had been closed maybe for 10 years or something. I don't even remember. And it was for the one when I used to live in Liverpool. No, I haven't lived in Liverpool since I was actually...

I still had it just in case. That needs to be held back. You could probably sell that on eBay in years to come. It's like a piece of memorabilia from your youth. Maybe. I also used to, so we used to have a camcorder, but we didn't have a camcorder until we were, well, I was probably about 13 or so. And what I used to do was I used to black a day off sick from school.

can't possibly go in i'm awful awful um it's actually a miracle that i managed to get that c in gcsc french if i'm leveling with you um and that takes it day off sick and we had kittens when i was about that age and so all i used to do was just film the kittens all day and then my mom would be like what have you done all day i bet oh i'm so i'm so so sick and then my mom would wind back the camcorder there i'd be like hi guys like i think i was the original youtuber hey guys just hang in here

With Sooty Esplodge. Love it. My parents were teachers as well. We've discussed this. My parents were both teachers. And I... really hardly ever had a sick day because that would have meant they would have had to stay they wouldn't have been able to go to uh school to teach so my grand sometimes looks after me that's when I learned

all about the wisdom of you've fallen out and stuff. Dirty grand, dirty grand strike. You're not in actual school getting you an education so let me give you the only education that matters in life. exactly to be fair what's more useful now learning french or knowing that actually your pubes are going to fall out i know which one i'd rather know unless you know you happen to go on a trip to paris

And all you can say to somebody in France is, did you know that when you get to 80, your pubes fall out anyway? Your croissant ain't going to be that hairy in later life.

And speaking of education, babes, I believe today you got some good news. Share with the listeners. Share with the listeners. It was a squeaky bum morning, babes. I'm not going to lie. But yeah, we had our, what's it called? Is it your school allocation?

Yeah, school offer day, primary offer day. Yeah. So I think, I don't know if I've discussed this on here before, but where we live, we moved from London. I was... very i was only just pregnant when we found this house so when we were moving we were not thinking about schools we don't do it's not not thought i was like it's years away 10 seconds later here we are

Here we are, two kids, waiting to find out what school we can't get into. But I kind of played the system a little bit and didn't think it would work and it's worked in my favour. So, where we are, the closest school to us is a Catholic school. Obviously... And we know how very, very deeply religious that you are. We were told to not even bother. Sister Lucy.

So then their next closest school, I would say it's quite saturated in that area with lots of... It's very oversubscribed. So... we put that as our first because we were like well that's the closest of all of the other schools that we want to get into but then our favorite school we actually put a second choice because didn't didn't expect to ever get in and we got into our second choice which is our favorite

Obviously, you did play the system there because you think, oh, well, they don't ever really like to get as far down as allocating you, your third choice. So, you know, I remember with them, with Jack's primary school, we did that. We put our favourite school first. And then we put our second school as one that we knew was going to be oversubscribed and he had no chance of getting into whatsoever. And then we put the third one, I think, in Scotland.

So there's advice for anybody who's thinking about applying when it's September, isn't it? Is it September you have to be there? I have no idea. I think it's September you have to put your application in. So anybody who's got a three-year-old. that's that's what to do listen to Sophie this is Monday we're in the future but for people who didn't get their first choice they don't have to worry right

No, to know what it is, it's horrible. It is stressful. And there I was bleating my lies out about this about a month ago for Jack at the secondary school place. But things have a funny way of kind of working out for the best. So if you didn't get your first choice, well, first off, don't give up because...

you can go on a wait list. So Jack got into a secondary school just by being on the wait list. So generally in schools that are oversubscribed and they know they're going to be oversubscribed, you'll automatically go onto a waiting list for that. school yeah so if you then don't make it in on the waiting list so also I mean I think it's probably a little bit different for primary because secondary school I think lots of people I know especially where we are

people had put down the high school that we wanted Jack to go as their first choice whilst waiting on places in private schools and I don't know if many people do private primaries I'm not sure but I know with secondary schools, there's always a bit of a drop off because people are waiting on.

private school for that option but if you don't get through on your weight in this then you have got an appeal process as well and i do know so when i was talking on instagram the other day about well the other week one month because it was um about the fact that jack hadn't got into his first choice so many people have said oh this happens to us with our primary schools

And we went through the appeals process and then we finally got in. I think you just have to stick it out. Don't give up faith in the fact that you're going to get in because some people were getting the places a week before their kids were meant to start in primary school. It's upsetting and it is really, really stressful. But also I will come in here with a little bout of wisdom that I wasn't prepared to listen to of my own about a month or so ago. That actually, wherever you kid.

ends up going to school if they're going to do well in school they're going to do well in school regardless of where they go and you want them to be with their friends and that was my big thing I was like I want him to be with his friends none of his friends are going but

even though now he is going to a school where his friends are going to go, I guarantee in about a month that he'd made a new batch of friends and you just naturally move away from your existing primary school friends, don't you? I mean, I went to a secondary school where I didn't go with any of my... fellow primary school goers and it didn't bother me and as soon as i was there i made a whole new load of friends so your kids are going to be absolutely fine wherever they end up going and

probably it's more our emotion that we attach to it and kids are so adaptable that they just you know just they won't care eventually give them a couple of weeks and it'll all be fine yeah i mean you were devastated when you got the email but Jack perhaps didn't want to get into that school, but you were so upset, you were adamant that he was going to get it.

No, he did want to go. He did very much want to go to this particular score. But, you know, we positioned it to him very much as, if not, not, got in. You're on a waiting list, like a VIP wait list. So it's like a red rope outside of the school. You just get to stand outside of it for a little bit until one person leaves and you can go in. And we said, you know, you've got a place in the other school. You can 100% go to that school. And it's a great school. You'll make loads of breaks there.

um all good but you are on the wait list for the other one so we'll just see what happens and so we kind of very much pr spinned it as a nothing's fine in life you know we just we'll just see what happens and then thank god that it did work out because he just went around telling everyone oh yeah I'm on the wait list for the other scores all right then my mum's gonna sort it and I was like oh fuck she'll do it and then you're like Lucy can you do me a solid

Can you find out some dirt on some local councillors? Hold my drink. We're going for their kneecaps.

I got a message actually on Instagram for people who didn't get their first choice. I got a message on Instagram from someone who said, we got our first choice. But now I've looked into the schools, I wish I'd got my second choice. Well, no. Well, it's been late in the day, isn't it? We probably should have researched. I mean, that said, when I picked Jack's primary school and the first kid is basically the one who sets the scene, isn't it?

following kids so i now don't have to worry about evelyn getting into senior school because jack is in and sibling priority and all that kind of stuff nate is going to be a completely different ball game because they're both going to be out of

the booth school evelyn won't be in the primary school anymore she'd have started her first day of high school and um and by the time then chops goes through to cv school evelyn would have gone as well so i'm like i could have to go through all of this again in a few years so yeah so the the older fiddling

kind of sets the precedent so that they set the scene of where the younger one is then going to go and with Jack the only reason that he ended up going to the primary school that he went to and I didn't research the primary school at all and it was because it was a two minute walk from my house that'll do that'll do yeah didn't really look into it any further than that i thought well i can i can get up at

8.20 and have him there for 8.30. Thank God. Because you lot in your house sleeping in three alarms. I would still go probably getting there at 8.50. Signing the iPad of shame. That just reminded me of that video that you sent me of myself the other week and that you'd taken of me. A sleeping hotel room. Some people get quite cross about that at least. Some kind of weird voyeurism. But it was just me snoozing through. I could not believe this. We were sharing a room. We had our own beds.

And this alarm that was going off, I swear to God, it was like a falcon. And Sophie's just sleeping with it right next to her head. And I had to film it. And I was just like, is she alive? Like you literally, you weren't moving. I was like, how is she sleeping? I thought you were dead.

What can I just say, babe? Well, first off, thanks for sticking your finger up my nose to make sure that I was breathing. Right. I had to get my phone out first. Yeah, priorities. I actually think I'd set that along for you because I didn't have to be up and I am. I think you had been leaving.

to get the train early and I do this for Steve as well right because I cannot trust anybody else to get up of their own accord so I go to bed and I don't have to be up at a specific time unless I'm away doing anything and he takes the kids in the morning so if I've got chops up just chops generally speaking is my alarm but i'll go to bed and steve will just fall asleep my man

falls asleep like i don't know what i've never seen anything like it in my life the narcolepsy that comes across him from absolutely nowhere so he'll just get into bed and he'll put his head on his pillow and he's gone

absolutely gone and he won't have set his alarm he won't do anything so my fear is that he'll sleep in and he'll get into trouble at work and then get fired and i'll have to go out and get a proper job i'm sorry there is no chance that your baby is louder than the alarm that was going off

10 centimeters from your head but I think because when I know that I am not with my children I think I sleep like the dead because I don't need to be on high alert I think that's what it is I think that's what it is And also because I think I know that it wasn't for me.

I'd set that alarm going, that's Felicity. I don't have to be out of this hotel room till 11 and there's no way I'm going to sleep till 11. So I think it was all for you. It was all for you. When it worked, I was up and mainly because I was like checking you were alive.

I'm like, no, I'll as well go get my train. I need to know. I just told me to chat the other day and I think I may have just given him just real nightmares for a while from doing this. Because I like to go in and check on the kids. and I do this quite regularly throughout the evening and I'll go in make sure I've been breathing and now that I've got three of them it's quite a process I've got to go in and I have a hover for a little bit and if I can't

If I can't see their chest movements under the duvet, I've then got to kind of put a finger underneath the nose. But Jack had gone to bed and he'd gone to sleep quite quickly because he likes to prank me. So he likes to get me to come into the room.

to see if he's okay and he pretends to be asleep and so I thought this is what he'd done so I'd come into his room and I'd done the finger under his nose and I was like I don't believe this kid's asleep so I have um I have a code word that I use that I get him to laugh like instantly right so i'll go really close to his face this is my desk because he can't hold himself he can't hold himself and i go into it i go into his ears and i go squirrel bum farts right

Squirrel bum farts. Hilarious, right? And I know he can't. He can't. My mum's a comedian, guys. She's so funny. It's going to be the name of the new show coming in 2025, guys. Squirrel bum farts. And so he cracks up. So I'd gone into his room and I'd done squirrel bum farts and he hadn't flinched. But I still didn't believe him. I didn't believe him. I thought, oh, no, he's becoming impervious.

to the charms of a squirrel bonfire. So then I decided to add a scary voice onto it where I got a little bit closer to his face and I just went, squirrel bonfire! His face to which he woke up he had for the sleep. you absolute dickhead and Bobby hovering over him like just hey the poor kid like what are you doing I was like oh sorry darling but you were asleep he was like Love you. Can you get me a glass of water? No. Bye. Go back to sleep. Absolute prick. Oh, dear. Very good.

So on Saturday, just go on, Sophie, you are going to be so proud of me. I started drinking at quarter past 12 lunchtime and I didn't stop until 1am. Now, I have seen you when you have been drinking for probably less time than that and you're an absolute nightmare. So I'm proud that you live to tell the tale, but I'm also...

I couldn't, I don't think, have been in your company. I think you would have been doing my tits in too much that I'd have left you for dead somewhere. I have got a theory. Slow and steady wins the race. Because, do you know what? Quarter to one. I've been to bongos and everything, got really excited, like buzzing. Don't actually drink that much in bongos, bongos bingo, because I'm dancing so much. Too busy dancing. Too busy dancing. But then...

We went somewhere after bongos and I was actually saying to my pals, I was like, I'm so scared of how hungover I'm going to be tomorrow. I have not drank this much since I think my hen do. I was absolutely fine the next day and I think it's because I was going slow and steady. Or you're just a functional alcoholic. I don't drink that much these days. I was so scared. I was so scared that I was going to be like in bed before bongos. But no, I was really proud of myself.

we went for a bottomless brunch right and it said on the top of the menu you got like a it was like a package deal right so you get something from the food menu and then you can either have three cocktails Or half a bottle of Prosecco? Okay. Do you think that that would be half a bottle of Prosecco or three half bottles of Prosecco? Half a bottle of Prosecco? I thought it was three half bottles of Prosecco. Why would you think?

Because that's one and a half bottles of Prosecco versus three cocktails. Sweet.

I sat there and we had we'd had we had brunch at one or whatever and then we had to be somewhere else at three and it gets to quarter to three and my friend's like right we've got drunk we've got to get going and I'm like I'm still on my first I'm still on my first half bottle a percent killed i'm gonna be here till about six and she was like sorry please tell me that you didn't kick off with the waiter and be excuse me

Excuse me, piss-ed Sarah. Where's my other full bottle of Prosecco now? Well, I was actually quite relieved because I thought... I think this is quite irresponsible of this bar to be offering one and a half bottles of Prosecco and a hamburger. So yeah, I had my mum's night out. thoroughly enjoyed it and you know I've got another 40th this weekend tis the year of the 40th and then after this weekend it's yours oh god I can't I'm so excited

I am not as much. And also, I'm a little bit worried because I'm going to do this in our garden because I couldn't face the horror of having to hire a dodgy working men's club. in my local area and just standing there in the depressingness of a sticky carpet and a magnolia painted wall. It smells like smoke and regardless of fact that nobody's been able to smoke indoors now in about 20 years.

so i decided to do it in the garden but the weather has been so abysmal and it is freezing now normally i would say by this time of year it's perked up a little bit but it's perked down If anything else, I woke up in the morning, four o'clock in the morning by hail so ferocious that I thought it was coming through the roof at one point.

Did you used to say when you were little, we used to say if it was raining, we'd be like, oh, God's crying. No. And then if it was snowing, it would be, it was something about bird shit. It was something like all the birds.

all the boats in heaven all the dogs are having a shit right now no i've never really attributed much to god in that sense i remember going on a i had to go to sunday school for a while and then youth club associated with that because my mom and dad were trying to get me into the church from in high school so i had to go and do the god squad bit for a little bit just to get in and we went on a weekend away to wales and i remember the leader his name was

Andy, and him looking at a U-shaped valley in the distance and you said, wow, you know, how marvellous those mountains are. Does anybody know? how those mountains were created and a few people kind of put their hands up and she said well actually it was god and i was like it wasn't actually andy it was a glacier So no, I've never really attributed rain to God crying. Probably not. I hate to ruin your entire existence, Andy, but it's not. That was a glacier.

What do you say? Do you know what you say about the weather? But yeah, it will be all right, you know. It has to be quite good because it is going to be based on the White Isle, isn't it? Yeah, not the Isle of Wight, but I think if the weather is pissing it down, that might be a little bit more truthful than Ibiza. Yeah, my Ibiza party, despite the fact I've only been to Ibiza once with you, I've decided to hinge a whole party.

You just had the time of your life. The time of my freaking life in Ibiza with you for three days post-COVID where we couldn't do anything because we weren't allowed to move without a face mask on. We couldn't. We went to Ibiza. You and I went to Ibiza. and the only time in Ibiza history where you have not been allowed to dance. It was a curfew, a 12 o'clock curfew and nobody was allowed to dance.

So I feel that you and I, we need to go back and we need to do Ibiza properly. We do. And in the meanwhile, we'll be doing it in my garden in the pissing down rain in May. Yay!

So now it is time for a little bit of Urban Dictionary Corner, Urban Dictionary Corner. What, fade on the end of the corner, what's she saying? It's... Remix.

the ibiza edition thanks so much all right then what mannerisms of filth do we have lurking in the corner today I think you could like this one I like all of them to be honest apart from the jet heavy ones that make me gag a little bit okay so Sophie what do you think a dirty Elsa is a dirty Elsa well I know for a start Disney are going to be fuming about this who's that then put that on there we'll copyright for that all right dirty

Elsa. Surely that's just when your kid has a shit somewhere in public, right? She's had it go. She's had a dirty Elsa all over her leg. She didn't know she's carried on, but I know she's had a dirty Elsa down the leg. Well, you know, when your kid has an HEA. Your kid's had an HEA. And that's quite cute, isn't it? When your kid's like, oh, go and have an HEA behind that tree. Tell you what's not as cute.

a nature shift or as it's now going to be called in my house a dirty Elsa where you just got to let it go and you're there and you've got nothing to pick it up with got nothing got nothing that's the dog at home that's the dog at home because you haven't been able to find a lead

So you've just come out without any forms of anything to pick it up. So then you're thinking, can I just leave it? Can I leave the dirty Elsa out in the public? And maybe people are going to think that it's a badger's poo, maybe.

I don't know how similar a child's poo to a badger's poo is. To be honest, I've never really got close enough to one or the other to investigate it further. But I imagine maybe within the badger's poo, you're probably not going to find a random piece of Lego that it swallowed.

And so you've got nothing to pick up your dirty Elsa. And so you are left with either your kid's sock or a leaf to pick it up. Not as much fun as the nature way, is it? And if you don't pick it up, someone's going to think that your dog has done it and they're going to chase after you and be like, excuse me. your dogs had a shit and left it you'd be like no I haven't it was just that fucking Elsa let it go let it go can't hold it back anymore no

All right, let me have another stab. Okay, so Elsa liked to make things cold. Is a dirty... Oh, I know what a dirty Elsa is. Go on. When you freeze your shit and you shove it up someone's bum. And that was not, no, it wasn't a hot Richard. It was a frosty, frosty gym.

No, a frosty gym, I believe, was when somebody throws either the urine or the seminal fluid. Yes, I don't think we've had a frozen poo yet. So I think that's what made me a dirty elf. It doesn't have to be shoved up or vomit can be shoved anywhere. to be honest or it can just be taken out of the freezer to defrost and be enjoyed at room temperature i don't know i think that's an exceptionally strong effort there he's a good contender

Yes, I think that's actually better than what it actually is. But maybe not actually. Okay, I'll tell you what it is. So a dirty Elsa is when a lady sticks ice cubes in her Nunu. Right. So it's soft and cold and reminiscent of the ice queen herself whilst having sex. So it's basically having a frozen, like making your vagina, ice, ice cold, baby, so that it's cool on the willy.

Not that he's ever mentioned out loud, but I just don't think in the moment that my husband's ever really thought to himself, or I'll probably do with being a few degrees colder in here.

Do you know what I like? Does it not make you really small when you get the shrivels? Like if you're a bit, oh, are you a bit cold? Because it does not make you really shrivel. So yeah, or maybe you don't want to kind of get into a situation where you've made it so chilly in there that might be in danger of things sticking together.

Oh. You know, like getting stuck inside of one another, like a randy dog who can't get out of the back of your partner because you're stuck in there because of the temperature. No, I don't think I'd be partial to that, to be honest. I mean, to be... Truth be told, there's no urban dictionary as yet that I think that I would be partial to. I don't like to be cold. I think I'd always prefer, given the preference, to be a few degrees warmer.

Internally and externally. I think it's going to be like a nice, cozy, safe place, right? Yeah. Rather than an icy, cold, painful... Ice sounds painful. And also, right, if it's a penis inside of there, I'm going to feel quite sorry for it because they've already lost their turtleneck, haven't they, when they're erect? So it's already, their jumper's off. There's no knitwear protecting him. He's fucking freezing.

Parenting Fails slash Parenting Tales. Parenting Fails slash Parenting Tales. On France A. Le C. Avec La Frange. What have you got for us this week? Oh, well, this week we have got a little email that came in this morning, actually, and it's been bumped right to the top because it's a good one. Oh, a late contender. Yeah, and she's called Claire.

I don't think she's no she's not asked to be anonymous oh well too late now yeah too late now and she lives in South Wales so I'm sure there are a few Claire's in South Wales aren't there so she's Probably not too bad. So, going to call this one the Dummy Fairy. Hi, ladies. Love the podcast. Currently listening to the one with... George, lovely George Lewis, as I'm typing this. I've learned a lot more about sperm than I think I ever needed to know. There you go. Like a public service, aren't we?

My daughter is almost 12, but back when she was three, she had a dummy. She was due to start school nursery, so I thought I'd better win her off them. The dentist had told her about the dummy fairy. I did the dummy fairy and it worked an absolute treat because I was terrified of that. It was so attached to his dummies and Bowie has one.

i'm definitely doing the dummy fairy again if anybody is in this position i highly recommend that dummy fairy takes them away yeah we used father christmas he came and um because all the baby elves needed a dummy Traumatised Evelyn for Christmas for all the perceables. Crying on Christmas Day morning. I've changed my mind! So...

The Dennis had told her about the dummy fairy, so we got her dummies and we left them by her fairy door. Aw, that's cute. Yeah. Because I didn't trust myself, when she went to bed, I put them all in the outside bin. Pushed them right down to the bottom to make sure I wouldn't give in. They say to do that, don't they? They're like, put him in a bin. Yeah, put him next to the bag of dog shit they picked up from the garden. Shove him in. We had a dog.

So they were mixed in with all the poo bags. There we go. There we go. The following day, the fairies had left her a teddy. She was really happy with it. And she took it out with us that day. When we got home, I got her out of the car and she was stood while I got the dog out. I then shut the car door but wasn't looking. And I basically twatted her in the head with the car door.

We've all been there. We've all been there. They're just at the right height. They're just at the right height. I often, when I, do you ever do this with me? Whenever I'm, I used to do it with Kit all the time. Walk, smack the bed on the door. Like, whoops, sorry. You're all right. You're all right. So she was screaming. And she eventually said that because she was so upset, surely the fairies would let her have a dummy back.

And she kept going to the fairy door to check. Oh, no. Obviously, there wasn't one there and they were all covered in dog shit in the bin. I felt terrible. And she still reminds me of this almost nine years later. I mean... To time the dummy fairy. hours before you twight your kid in the head with a car door i mean not great not great i mean but to be i did think that this story was going to go that she had to go in the bin and get a dog shit dummy out and give it to her oh

12 hour rule. Get the kettle out, it'll be alright. Especially if it happens to me. I mean, third kid, I probably wouldn't even get the kettle out. Oh, the immune system can take it. He's fine. Brilliant. He's fine. What would you do if that was you? Would there be part of you that would be like...

It's not a two-way exchange thing. Once it's gone, it's gone, kid. You've agreed to it. You've signed the contract. You've handed it over. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Regardless of run-ins with... car doors off. Here's a cold compress in the form of a bit of wet kitchen towel. Get it on your head. Here's some hey doggy. And your brand new teddy bear. I'll make it better. And a brioche. A chocolate brioche generally seems to solve everything, does it not?

It's another episode of the Tired and Tested podcast dropped like a dummy in a dog shit bin. If you have enjoyed this week's episode, there'll be more of the same next week. If you two have a parenting fan or tale that you would like to send in to us, please, please keep them coming.

them in to tiredandtested.acast.com and of course if we choose to read out your monumentally awful parenting tale then you will get an iconic London triple threat mascara to reward you for your terrible terrible parenting um as always if you have enjoyed what you have listened then you can go on and leave us a review that is always appreciated and we have a little finger blast that will be coming to you on thursday as well which is our little spin-off

snackette so i think that's all life admin bases covered how's that we hit the jingle and i'll see you next time it's the tired and tested podcast enjoy the safe place zone over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak. Things like saggy boobs and hangovers that last a freaking week. From perky tits to kill and nits to snack, bitch, when I'm dead. I'm realising that parenting is just living in bumworm dread. Happy listening!

To the podcast.