Finger Blast from the Past: Holiday Brochures

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I really read for the rave today, didn't I? I was really feeling it. Big rest! High energy. Sorry, for audio listeners, that's me just waving to... Fingers around on each hand. Very enthusiastically. As if I was. Blasting the past with my fingers. Welcome to another episode gang. How are we all doing? Luce, I had an idea because I'd found a little something the other day. I've been around my mum and dad's and I don't know about you but whenever you go around your mum and dad's because my...

parents still live in my family home do you all still live yeah so whenever I go around they still just try and siphon off bits of shit that I've been hoarding still in their house I don't want it in my house I don't want them to throw it away but I don't want it in my house I just I don't I've got like kids shit in my house I don't need this Maar je bent nu 40, mam, maar ik heb dit dit niet. Ik ben niet, ik ben niet. Ik ben 39. Ik ben 39. Twee days. Fuck off. Ik ben still in mijn 30s. Fuck off.

You're now nearly 40, 39 days and 363 days. But my mum, I went to university, came back two weeks later and she redecorated my bedroom. Do you know what I mean? Oh, it was redecorated, but we had quite big wardrobe, so she just shoved all the stuff in there. But she kept actually... stuff that I didn't need so she kept all my school books from when I was you know a really not particularly bright

of studious high schooler. And it was all very, very Sophie Must Try Harder vibes all over my school box. There was nothing really worth keeping. But she kept all of those. And she did give those back to me. And I just used them as kindling for the log burner in winter. Waste not, want not. Mine was always Lucy has great potential, just needs to stop talking. Yeah, I can see that. You were the disruptive one, weren't you? Just applied herself.

Dezelfde. Dezelfde. Dezelfde. Dezelfde. Dezelfde. Dezelfde.

Girls Holiday. After A Levels. Where I went to Faleraki. With the girls. Booked it with direct holidays. Rest in peace. For about £230 for two weeks. Two weeks. I remember... Because of mine, you got an absolute bargain there. Oh, did I? It was one star, I think, so I'm not too sure about that. Okay, fair enough. So mine was, I think I was 17 and I went with a friend who was a couple of years older and she split up with her.

boyfriend. She was like, do you want to come on holiday with me? And I was like, okay. So we went to Aya Napa. Aya Napa, Aya Napa, Aya Napa. £266 that was for a week. Oh, for a week! Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, I was living up in Baleraki. But it was that kind of time when I went to Baleraki, where Baleraki didn't have very good PR back then. It was a bit, you know, lads, lads, lads, lads.

I think there have been some stuff. I think Trevor McDonald did a special about it. I remember my dad offering to pay me out of my holiday. He would give me the money. dat ik zou kunnen gaan. En ik was, nee, Jan, ik heb een heel erg gekocht om te gaan hangen met de cockroaches, six-legged en twee-legged. Maar het maakt me denken, wat vind ik dit precies? of direct holidays. Do you remember back in the day? ... ... ... ...

See what the sun lounger cushions were like. Because I can actually. I have to say this is a super skill of mine. We've probably talked about this in the past. But I can determine how good a hotel is via the standards of their sun loungers. And it has never, never done me wrong. I've never had a bad pick. On the one time that I let Steve book a holiday. Because I was really busy. And he booked it. And we turned up. And it was.

En we got there. I looked at the sun loungers. I was like. Steve how could you not tell from the sun loungers. So this is never steered me wrong. With a white plastic with yellow cushions. Yes. And that's when you know innit. That's when you know. So.

The way that we used to book our holidays. Now, did you go and get brochures? Did you go and get a brochure for your holiday? My dad, to this day, his favourite thing in the world is booking a holiday. He loves a holiday. He loves the sun. I remember it was the half term before the summer holidays. Or maybe it was even the half term before the Easter holidays. Because we'd get it booked in well early.

He would go in to Lundpoly, I think there were three in Berwick, and he would go around and he'd go and sit and he'd go and speak to the travel agents and come back with all these brochures. And honestly... I think now the amount of money that you put in the face of that one sort of one tiny five centimeter square description and pictures. Wat in de world? Hoe could je? Hoe could je do dat? Hoe could je put je trust?

In dat, so much. My parents would come home, and again, they were the same, so it was such an ordeal booking the holiday. But the brochures, the Amazon rainforest just depleted by the glossy Thomas Cook. of whoever it was, direct holidays, the brochures that had been used for them to make their own decisions on this. First choice, remember them?

Package holidays, though. I think First Choice is still going. I think you can still get a good all-inclusive on First Choice. But I tell you what actually superseded that. Instead of a brochure loose, did you ever book a holiday via teletext?

I did once. Oh my god. I did. University. You could get some right steals, couldn't you? You could get some right steal. It blows my mind. Imagine explaining this to children nowadays, right? That there was a part of your telly that you went onto. All the pictures disappeared. All the day everything went back to being like really weird, analog-y BBC computers off of the 80s. And you had to use your remote to try and type things in. And there was a special page number that you went to.

En je kunt go en je kunt book a holiday. In de words of Peter Kaye, je kunt book it, pack it, fuck off. Just from teletext. From getting on there. And you could get loads of bargains on there. Does teletext still exist? Surely not.

It's just the internet now, isn't it? Internet is now. It's all smart TVs and apps, isn't it? I don't know anybody that's just got a straight-up TV that hasn't got some sort of smart element to it. pay for them how did you I don't remember then ring off right I love the way that you also did the PTK you put the you put your two fingers to your ears to international code for telephone yet to call off

Did you ever though, so speaking of teletext holidays, so I remember going with my friends Kim and Lars at uni. We were in the university library using teletext. We would do the teletext on the computer rather than a TV. I didn't know you could do that. And did you ever do this? So we went on a two week holiday to somewhere in Greece. I don't know where. Malia. It wasn't it? No, no. It was Balogia or Malia, wasn't it? Or Kavos. They were the three.

Maar no, wat het was, het was een potluck. Je was given... de island. Oh. And you didn't know you would rock up. You didn't know where you were going to go. Until you arrived and got to your tour operator who was waiting for you whether you were going to end up in Cabos or some beautiful place. Russian roulette with a fishbowl. That's basically what it was. And I remember when we did this and we were up there for two weeks and the first week...

We were slumming it to the point we got dropped off at the end of this dirt track. Got down, got to the room, checked in. Het was vile. Ik cried. De people before us had left a tip, obviously, voor de cleaner, voor de maid. We just took that and went to the bar. I went to the bar and just spent the cleanest tip, which wasn't very much money and ended up getting absolutely... shit-faced on either.

Hortent. But yeah, remember the first week was dire, dire, dire. I honestly wanted to go home. Second week... We landed in this place. I remember it was called Cassiopeia. And it was almost like the Saint-Tropez of Corfu. Was it in Corfu? We nailed it. We were like, oh my god. We'd gone from hell to heaven.

It was insane. Look at you, by the way, on your twin centre holiday at the age of 18 or whatever it was. This is what you did. You would pay 150 quid for two weeks because you didn't know where you were going. I didn't know where you were going.

Even you wouldn't have known where you were going when you were going to Faleraki, because it would have been one little square. One little square. It could have been anywhere. Oh my gosh, that holiday. So again, it's the kind of place now where if the kids said...

This is where we're going and show me a picture. I mean, absolutely not. I'd be getting the credit card out and I'd be getting a five-star luxury hotel in that place that you went to in Corfu. Because I couldn't cope with them having to be there. We didn't have any air conditioning in there. It was Falaraki in August, I think it must have been, or July, August. It was after we'd done our A-levels. We finished school, so it must have been July, August. Absolutely.

stifling hot and what we used to have to do after we'd been out in the evenings was we used to have to come in run up the stairs We had to run through the apartment, because the apartment was so hot. I say apartment very, very loosely, by the way. It was three single beds, like a prison set up with a sink in the corner. And run through and just open balcony doors and all sit there.

On the balcony just hyperventilating. Because it was so hot in the room. But you couldn't leave the doors open while you went out. In case you got robbed. So it was just this kind of zest pit of fire. That we slept in. There were cockroaches. It was awful. Oh I remember it. It was awful.

We had the best time. The best time. We thought we were really sophisticated and really fancy. Because during the day when we weren't drinking. We went out to a restaurant or a bar. And again I positioned this like it was some kind of classy. Really cosmopolitan affair. Het was on de dirty, dodgy strip van Valaraki. We would go and get a drink of lemonade. We'd been given for a couple of weeks this lovely, lovely lemonade. On our last trip, we were given a sprite. We were like, no, sorry.

This isn't the Greek lemonade that we have been having for the past two weeks. We want the cloudy lemonade, the authentic Greek lemonade. This woman looked at us with a cocked eyebrow and said, fucking stupid British people. We went out to the back and brought us a can of Fanta Limon. And that's what we've been drinking. And we tasted it and we were like, yeah, that's it. So we just, it was a bit, but you know.

It was like one of our first times abroad, you know. We had never experienced a Fanta Limon before. And it was such a classy taste sensation for us. We thought there was a, you know, a Greek granny out in the back with their lemons. SodaStream, just carbonating it up for us and serving it to us. We're so Greek right now with our Greek lemonade. I remember on my first holiday when I went to Aya Napa, because I was working, I think I was working in a hairdresser's.

I think I was earning £15 a day on a Saturday for working like all day knowledge break. It was like slave labour guys. Anyway, but I remember saving for like six months and then I could only afford, I think my sort of daily... was about £15 a day. So when we used to go... I used to always have to have a kid's meal, which was like €2 instead of €20. And then I used to drink before we went out, like pre-drinks. My friend who was a bit older and had a proper job, she was drinking.

haar peach schnapps and lemonade. I would go and buy a carton of wine for like 70 cents. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's when you know it's good. Although that said, a carton of sangria, I still find quite palatable. Don Simone. Ja, don't say that. When you went to Phala Rapids, did you have the luxury of a swimming pool?

Oh yeah, I dreaded to think what was inside of that swimming pool though. For the one star luxury that we pay for, it was just, you know, brimming with Johnny's and Listeria, wasn't it really? Oh my god. Delightful. It does make me think now, like when Kit and Bowie are old enough to go on holiday, I will either be following them. Oh, 100%. With my little...

I'll have eyeholes in my newspaper. Just say from behind. Or I'll just say no. You're not going. I'm going to change you to a radiator. And that'll be fine. God, the stage. Something to look forward to, babe. You know, I tell you what we'll be doing. We'll be like, I tell you what you lot, go to Ibiza and then they'll go and then you and I will just go on a separate flight and we'll be shitfaced rolling around in bushes. Fancy seeing you!

Pretend we're down with the kids hitting on their mates. Young man! When you were saying about the swimming pool there, I triggered another memory when I was a nine-upper, but there was actually a nightclub that had a swimming pool in and everyone was like, oh my god, we need to go. So this was like your 4am opener, right? You get pregnant in there, you get pregnant if you went in. I remember going and actually ended up in the swimming pool. And it almost had this film of...

Het was absoluut. Het was absoluut. Ik was worried. When I got back from that holiday. That I might have somehow been pregnant. From that swimming pool. I was like. In de swimmerpool, er was definitely sperms in het. I thought that about a hot tub. I've had to Google, can you get pregnant from being a hot tub? You can't, guys. It's too hot for them. The spermies don't like it. But it was a worry. Imagine that.