Burger Nips and Car Boot Trips

We leven in turbulente tijden. De beste houvast die wij jou kunnen bieden is Japke de Bauma. Koningin van de kantoorjungle, maar ook een allesweter over het dagelijks leven. In de nieuwe podcast van NRC, Japke D. Denkt mee, helpen Japke D. Bouma en ik, Peter Leijten, je om te gaan met het kantoorbestaan. Ik vergelijk die kantoortuin altijd een beetje met school. Boemers op het werk. Twee dingen, negeren en misbruiken. Of met het krijgen van kinderen.

It's the Tired and Tested Podcast. Enjoy the safe play zone over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan. Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak. Things like saggy boobs and handgovers that last a freaking week. From perky tits to kill and nits to snack bitch when I'm dead. I'm realising that parenting is just living in bumworm dread. Happy listening. To the podcast.

Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of the Dad and Tessa podcast with me, a slightly grotty, still sounding Sophie McCartney. And hi Lucy with the Fringe. Can I just say, I love you dearly. You look like you've been found in a hedge. What's going on? What's going on today? No, I did a little workout this morning and then I just went, I just didn't have time to dry my hair because I had stuff to do. So I've just, I've just gone on natural.

I don't know why I'm saying that. Like, you know, people who live in glass houses and all that. Do you know what? I said that to Jack the other day and he didn't understand it. And I went, well, actually, darling, it's really easy. And then I tried to explain that people in glass houses, like that life metaphor.

En dan was het eigenlijk heel moeilijk om te explainen. Omdat je in een huis hebt thrown een stone en dan je huis brengt. En hij was, wat heeft dat te doen met de original pointen? En ik was, ik heb geen idee. Omdat je zelf dat met de kids had. Omdat je de dingen die je eigenlijk denkt je weet de meaning van.

And then you realise that actually you don't, you just, you've just been using this expression for ages. And do you know what? Speaking of that, this is not relevant, but I saw something on Instagram because, you know, I am a prolific Instagram scroller. And it was, I think it was like a Hunsnet thing.

en ik zal je waar ik ben op hunsnet in een minuut. Maar ik heb een hunsnet gehad gehad. En het is toen Alexandra Burke was aan de interviewer. Ik denk het was om dit morning. En ze was over de spraak, de elephant in de room. En ze was zeer, oh je weet, het is een heel americanized... ZANG EN MUZIEK

I love, what an absolute hun. I love Hunsnet. Maybe one day, this is my career goals, that one day that maybe I might make it onto Hunsnet. I might be an absolute hun. You know you could potentially already be on there. Maybe. No, I haven't. Me and Denise Welsh are on there somewhere. But I was on Hunsnet. I'll tell you why I was on Hunsnet. Because...

I've got a fancy dress party coming up, Luce. I've got a fancy dress party coming up. And I like a fancy dress party, but I also love the fancy dress party, because it's a lot of life admin, don't you find? It's a lot of effort. Het is een lot of effort. En ik vind, in mijn circle van vrienden ook, ik voel de pressure om de funny te zijn en te hebben een oudfeet dat is hilaire, niet zoals sluttie-vampire of wat de theme is.

dat is de manier die manier die manier die manier die manier die manier die manier Ja, so de theme voor dit, het is mijn vriend, het is haar 40th birthday. Dit is waar we're at nu in het leven. Dus we go to 40th birthday parties en ze tende to be in very dubious working men's club function rooms. TV Gelderland 2021

So if we had some good times with the red hat, let's not knock the red hat. Yeah, but in the working men's clubs, babe, it isn't the red cap, it isn't even that. It's like a little old flat man's cap that sits on the top of a tequila bottle. Not even the good stuff. It's like the grandad tequila. Anyway. But the theme for her 40th birthday party is just iconic. It's iconic.

Dat is wat het is. Het is heel erg belangrijk. Het is open to interpretation. Dus mijn vriend is gaan als een Oscar. Dus ze is gewoon een Nadine Murabi. Beautiful gold dress. So I've been trying to think of iconic things. Now, shall I tell you the outfit that I was going to go as? I've had a couple of ideas. So what I'd initially settled on... I love JLo. We've talked about JLo. JLo is the shiz, isn't she? She's who we aspire to be to. Like, I've always, throughout my life...

We always do this. Is she 55 yet? She's got to be 55 soon. She's been 54 for a long time. I don't know. She just stays young by drinking the tears of Ben Affleck. I don't know. I don't know. En zo was ik, ik wilde de Palmele. Ik wilde big. Ik wilde de Versace. Palm Leaf. Ja. Maar ik couldn't get one on Amazon. Dus ik had to. Omdat ik heel last minute. Met all my party planning. Everything in life. So I wanted to do that. And then I reined myself in again.

I've reined myself in. So I thought, do you know what? That outfit. Do you remember it was the VMAs? I think it was like 2000s. She went with Puff Daddy. And she had that white top on. The white flirt jeans. Yes. The bandana. Boob tube. Boob tube. Ja. So I had the white trousers, I had the white top already.

Of course I did. Of course I did. A three quid bandana from Amazon. And then drapes myself in diamantes. That are going to bring me out in a rash. Because I'm allergic to non-precious vettels. What a hun. So dat was de plan. En ik was completely stuck on dit. En ik was van, het is niet funny, maar ik heb het en ik niet nodig. Dus dit was het up until yesterday dat dit was de plan.

...for the fancy dress party. It was fine. It was all going to go ahead as normal. Until Aunt Flo turned up. Fuck! Fuck! The heaviest period in all the land has arrived. ...in my uterus. ...I have periopants, they're very good. ...but I would not... ...there's nothing on this earth that I would trust. Dat ik me all night piste. Ja. Niet op het op mijn vaj admin. Dat ik me vertrouwt. All white outfit. Just een side note. Have you ever leaked? Like, not, like, publicly.

Not publicly, I have in the house. I once have. It was actually, I think it might have been, no, did we work together? No, we didn't work together, it was after that. Has this not happened recently? I feel that this has happened recently to you. Het happened toen I was in New York als wel. Oh, ik zie het. Hier is Lucy in haar leeky vagina. Go on.

was working for a company and we were in a meeting at this really fancy PR agency and it was a fancy one in the boardroom and they had these like white covers on the seats and I stood up and I was like oh shit because we ended up being in that meeting a lot longer than I expected and I was prepared for so I stood up and I was like oh shit So I just pushed it in. Pushed the sharing. I'm horrified for you. I'm horrified. I know, I know. Hang on, but what colour were you wearing?

Ik ben wel, ik always just wear black, don't I? So obviously I was in black, so you couldn't see it on me. But I was thinking, oh God, there's going to be a message going around the office saying... If you're on your period... You're not allowed to sit on the white chairs.

Het was me, het was me. Oh, no. Ja, ik was, ik wasn't prepared to be sat in dat meeting voor zo lang. So, you know. No, and this is right, so there's too much risk. And I said to Steve, I said last night, I was like, right, well, my only option... is that you're going to have to be on period watch all night. And he's like, no. He's like, I don't want that in my life as a job.

No, thank you. You need to go with something else. So now, now I need a plan B. So the period could be over by the time the party arrives. We could have dried up. Yeah. Yeah. But I have only now got like 48 hours to dry up or buy up a day. different outfit dry up or buy up is where I'm at I'm and so now I'm just like panic searching iconic people Zoolander en Hansel.

Zoolander. Je bent niet een Zoolander fan, maar ik hou van Zoolander. Ik heb niet gezien het voor een goede 18 jaar. I think Steve's got Zoolander vibes. He has got Zoolander vibes. He has. Even though I'd go with Zoolander, I was going to go with Hansel. Hansel, so hot right now. That's what I was thinking. We could do this. We could do this.

You've got your weird little thumbs up thing again. This happened to me last night when I was on FaceTime to my mum and I'm really scared that I'm being hacked. Do you know what? Sorry listeners. If you were listening to our blast from the past, this also happened to Lucy. And then all these fireworks started going off. And I thought, well we both thought it was our producers doing it randomly to you.

En het was niet. Dus ik weet niet waarom dit is gebeurd. Ik denk dat hij misschien is. Kun je imagine. Als er iemand hackt in dit feed. En ze denken, wat de f*** is dit? Wat zijn die twee jongens doen? Probeer om hun periode te maken. Ja, move on guys! There's nothing for you here. There's nothing for you here. Okay? There's nothing juicy.

Okay, so Zoolander, dat was een option. En dan ik bleefendig got dead cocky van mijn nieuwe exercise regime. En ik was van, oh my god, misschien kan ik als Kylie in de spinning around gaan, get de gold hot pants op. En dan was ik... What the fuck are you thinking? Also, not ideal for period, is it really? A tiny, tiny little pair of gold hot pants? Also, I feel like that's just not funny.

No offence Kylie's not funny But it's a great way to show off your hot board And that is the tricky That is the conundrum The balance of being a little bit slutty en dan ik ook wilde doen Sharon Stone en Basic Instinct, maar de white outfit, maar het is white, alle de iconic moments zijn white, en ik was gegaan een toy beaver en put het in tussen mijn legs, dus every time ik open en open en open mijn legs, de beaver would fall out.

I still like that. I still like that as a concept. You would have to take the beaver. That makes it. The beaver would come everywhere with me. And maybe the period would play into the beaver. It's tying in a theme. Zang in a DM. Well, you know, if you dry up, there's an option. But if you buy up, what are we going for? So I'm currently thinking about Katy Perry. right katie perry in um her california girls video she's got like the ice ice bun boobs yeah and she she's got some low slung

Houtpants op, maar ik heb een denim op. Ja. Ik heb een high-waisted mum shorts. Ja. Ik heb een bra. En ik denk ik ga naar Morrison's Bakery. En ik heb een echte buns. En ik zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei zei. En dan... En dan dat is goed. En dan ook, want ik had een paar grandad sambookers en ik ben pekish, ik kan gewoon nibble mijn tits. En Steve zouden zijn blijven, zouden hij? Ja, ik weet het. Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding de boy.

Het is een treat voor de eyes en de taste buds. I've not got long. And if I need to get this sorted, I need to, I need to, I need to order a blue wig. So who knows? So it very much depends on the period situation, but that's why I'd fallen down a hole on Hunsnet because I've just been Googling some iconic moments, but it was great because.

I did find so, so many iconic moments in history. I mean, you've got Madonna and you have got Christina and Britney at the VMAs. I was thinking of maybe going as Britney and putting the, again, white. Always, always with the weight. With the weight and then maybe just carrying around a cardboard cutout of Madonna and just snogging her constantly. That was another option. That's a good one. I think that you should consider going to Kim Kardashian at the Met Gala 2021 when she went in her fool.

full embodied Balenciaga all black. And then you don't have to worry about your hair and your make-up. No hair and make-up. It would be a very quick get ready. I'm just quite concerned as to how I change my tampon with ease. I also was thinking, I'm also thinking like, well, the way you could do it is by putting tights over your head. But then you just look like you were going to rob a bank, wouldn't you? I'd look like I was going to rob somebody. With a little biggie nose.

Well, okay, I digress from the initial conversation. But at university, I used to share a house with like six of my friends and somebody always had to have the downstairs bedroom, didn't they? They got the short straw and they had to have what would have once upon a time been a living room or something.

de downstairs bedroom. Ja. Dus het was mijn vriend Helen had de downstairs room. En wanneer ze had een lad in haar room, me en mijn vriend Amy, we'd go round de back into de garden en we put tights over. Ja, ik weet niet, ik weet niet waar mijn vriendin was hebben gezegd, en haar vriendin was net bij mij, omdat ze had een sexy song die ze put op had.

Ja, er was een song. Do you want to know what it was? Go on, go on, go on. Blackstreet, no diggity. No diggity. I like the way you beg. Is it bag it up like a condom? I like the way you work it. No diggity. About to beg. Is it bag it up? I'm about to bag it up. Bag it up. Back it up. Either way. Either way. And did she have this song for whenever. I love the fact she had that song. Regardless who it was. En er waren een paar female callers. No judgement, goed voor haar. Goed on her, yeah!

I'm really, really worried about that. I'm really, really worried about this particular tape coming out. Because in... In deze video. Als een van mijn manager, je zou misschien wel eens beinigd om dit als wel. Dus ik was in Leeds. En we had... We were in Kirkstall Abbey. They're basically in old ruins of an abbey that was really close to a horse of residence. And so me and my friend Amy because we were just absolute...

dicks that didn't have boyfriends. And we were just like geeky and stupid. Me! Titting about and filming it. Can you imagine? I don't know how I ended up getting into the career that I'm in. Just a shame there wasn't anywhere to post it. Well, do you know what? Thank fucking God that Instagram was not a thing when I was at university because this probably would have been on my feed. So we went to the ruins and just reenacted Harry Potter scenes.

Hang on, we did this when we were, you did this when we were in Ibiza. But my, but the character, the character, the character that I would play would be Dobby the Hellself. Ik weet het niet. in the ruins of a castle reenacting Harry Potter I know, oh my god and there was a lad that I really fancied at university and he didn't fancy me back and I don't know why his name was Will and I was absolutely absurd

Ossessed with him at the time. In my first. In my first. Before I'd met Steve. Before Steve came along. And I was absolutely obsessed with him. And he used to live. In the building. Kind of just opposite. Overlooking. Overlooking the abbey. No. There was a guy called Sam that I used to really fancy. And I was in my friend Amy's room. With their big floor to ceiling window. And it was the middle of the day. And Sam walked across.

Oh God. And saw us. I was awful. And I panicked. I panicked. I panicked because he could see me looking at him. En zo in mijn head, mijn knee-jerk reaction was to drop to the floor. Hij couldn't see me. Maar het was een floor-to-ceiling window, dus hij kon gewoon zien me. Er was geen idee. ... ... ... ...

Never went on a date with him either. Never went on a date with him either. Oh my god. So now I would like to introduce a new segment. Go on. Which I'm going to call... Sophie is the biggest procrastinator in the world. We've worked together. We've known each other for a really long time. We've worked together for about three years. 3 years now, it's been quite a while. And I feel... I'm going to... I'm putting it out there. I spend my life chasing you for stuff, right? So, this week, I...

Actually, I would say it's been for over a week now. I have been chasing you for a specific thing and it probably takes you 20 seconds to send me. I think I've chased you for that. ...em, about 15 times, okay? Have I done it yet? Well, yesterday... I can't remember. So yesterday, I sent you something in the morning. As a reminder, can you send me this? Before you start faffing around, can you send me this thing?

You were like yeah. And then you just crack on. And then you send me something from Instagram. And it makes me go. Right. So then this carries on. Then at lunchtime I gave you a reminder. As in your Hunsnet from Instagram. Yeah. This is it. So then I send you a reminder.

before lunchtime. I then send you a reminder after lunchtime. I then send you another reminder mid-afternoon. Do you want to know what I was... I was like, oh yay, you sent it because I saw that you'd sent me something to me. Do you want to know what you sent me? A picture of what was some sort of turdy looking sourdough pile of... Sorry, I've been making bath bombs with Evelyn. And I'm like, oh my god. It was my mum's day. She was at school yesterday.

She was, but I did have an eight. In my defence, I did have an eight yesterday. I know, but the wind changes. The wind changes and I forget. Can you imagine what it's like being married to me? I honestly think that at one point Steve's going to leave me because he has to chase me a million times since and it's his biggest bugbear. The fact that he thinks that.

I'm a bit of a messy bitch. And he has to chase me a million things. So he's been after documents for me. For something. And he has to message me about ten times a day. Asking for the documents. They're on my phone somewhere. I'm just like. And then the wind changes. ZANG EN MUZIEK

Two days, come on, come on Soph. And I said to you at nine o'clock, don't go on Instagram, you're an Instagram band this morning. Ten past nine, I went, I'm going to go and check. Instagram, there she is, green light. Boom! And I'm like, get off Instagram. *** as well oh my god yeah and my wallet's too small for her 50s fuck off so what I'm doing is I'm just gonna I'm just I'm raising awareness of this um

just so nice. I know. It is my personality. It's one of my biggest personality flaws. I am a massive procrastinator. And you know that saying, don't put off... Tot morgen is something you can get done today. I put it off until two weeks. I'm like fuck that. When I was book writing. Somebody told me. Somebody worked in my publishing house. Who was aware of my procrastination issues.

She said, right, you need to get this book. I can't even remember who it's by. But it's a book written by a woman who specialises in procrastination. And yeah, so I got this book. And apparently it's something Bible. I can't think what it is. But anyway, it's like... ... ... ... ... ZANG EN MUZIEK.

3 a 4 pages. Or you have to write for 20 minutes. It's something like that. Whatever happens first. And you cannot break. Even if you can't think of something to write. You're like I have nothing to write. Blah blah blah blah. And just keep going. So I was like right. Okay I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this and then I shall do my writing. So I would sit down and I would do my morning pages of just writing absolute shit. And then I'd do that and I'd go, well, I've done my work. Exactly. Oh my God. de book to stop me from procrastinating was actually just a tool to procrastinate to stop me from doing my work. I'm awful.

Do you know, because I'm really looking, because I will be writing book number three soon. I will be sitting down and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm also dreading it because I know how awful I am. And what I said to myself was before I actually sit down to start writing, I'm going to start doing bits of writing. months in advance so that I don't actually have to just sit there and write thousands of words in one day. I've not done it. But the best one is...

When you're meant to be doing something. And I'll be like. I'm just going to leave her alone. She knows she's got to do it right. And then it'll get to like four o'clock. And the deadline will be. 3 days earlier. But it'll get to 4 o'clock and I'll be like, right, let's see if I can get this over by end of play. And I'll be like, hiya, how are you getting on? And you'll just send me some picture to make me feel like a really awful humour for asking you. So you'll send me a picture.

...of Nate crying his eyes out. And I'll be like, oh my god! Alright then, Luce.

Here we are, let's be having it What's in your Urban Dictionary Corner this week? Oh I've got a couple of good ones So What do you think I don't know how to say it *** Ja, afafanugen. Afafanugen. Afafanugen. Is het? Like an ugly fanny. Like a little troll fanny that lives under a bridge. At the end of a rainbow. At the end of it. Instead of a leprechaun. It's a just big fucking scary vagina. With a little hat on.

A Fufanugun. Dat heeft veel geld uit de geld uit de slot machine. Is dat wat het is? Nope. Fufanugun. No. Het is niet een ugly fanny dat lives onder een bridge. Farfanugan is it a ok I'm still going to go with something Fanny related here is it the noise that maybe your Vagina emits if you... You know, like, you can queef, can't you? Yeah. Is it a queef? Is it, like... Is it a fancy queef? Oh, so I've just... In my boyfriend's face.

Het sounds like het should be something, doesn't it? A Papa Nugent. Je lukewarm. Also sounds like it could be a children's book character, like the Gruffalo. I know it does, doesn't it? It's a good word. Papa Nugent. I'm having lunch with a far fanugan. Yeah, do you like that? And I dread now to think what a far fanugan is. Yeah, it'll be Kevin. Right, I'll give you a clue. It's a person that does something.

Falfa Nugent is a person that does something. This is quite vague, this one. I feel like there's not much... Ik hoop dat het niet spunk is. Ik hoop dat het niet spunk is. Het is niet. Het is niet spunk. We waren spunk-heavy voor een while. Het was Christmas. Het is de season. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

It's just some creature, isn't it? It's just a person, a dirty person that does something dirty. This is what it's going to boil down to, isn't it? So a bit like the vagina troll that lives under a bridge. A bit like that, but not. Ja. Maar een persoon. Het is een persoon. En het is een persoon. Maar het is een persoon. Het is een dierty persoon. Het is een dierty persoon. Het is een dierty. Het is een dierty. Het is een dierty. Ik weet het niet. Ik weet het niet. Het is Tom Thumb.

has coined this in 2006. Tom Thumb. Tom Thumb. Oh God. Okay, right, go on. Go on Tom Thumb, hit me with your Fafanugen. A Fafanugen is... A person who farts in the bath and then bites the bubble. No. Oh my god. I have a horrified face, but it also sounds like something like one of my children might do. That's exactly where my head went. I'm like, I bet listeners are listening to this going, I gave birth to Paul Finnegan. Afafanugan.

Fafanugin. Also though, whenever I have maybe emitted some gas in water, I don't think it's ever bubbled to the surface. I'm unconscious. I have done it in a swimming pool and I have had to quickly rip my head behind me to make sure that there wasn't a bubble.

en dan gewoon kicken mijn feet away in case het was. Maar ik denk ik heb nog even gezien een bubble dat komt op de top. Heb je? Nou, ik denk dat je hard niet genoeg is. Nou, ik denk dat je hard niet genoeg is. Ik denk dat je hard niet genoeg is. Wat is de log flume on holiday? Fafanuganen en loganuganen. Ja. Maar ik ben pretty sure mijn kids doen. Ik denk Kit does. Ja. So daar we go. Kit's had a few poos in de bath, hasn't he?

Mijn have never done that. I've never had a poo in the bath. I've never had a full log. I've never had that. You know like that bit on Kevin and Perry. You know Kevin and Perry go large. I've never had one of those. But I have had a few incidents where I'm like... I'll pop out, he'll be in the bath and I'll pop back in and I'll be like, why does the bath look a weird colour? And then I'll just see little bits.

Oh no. Not one that's disintegrated. Disintegrated on impact. They're the worst ones. Weetabix poo. Weetabix poos are the worst. Well, the thing is, I think what it is, is he's trying to be a Farfanugan. He's trying to be a Farfanugan. He's trying... But then what's happened is he's done the fart bit and then didn't realise that he's followed through. So that's what I'm kind of thinking. He was a follow-through-ing Farfanugan.

Ja, een paar keer. Het is niet goed, niet goed. Dus er we go, Parfenugin. Dat is Parfenugin, dat is eigenlijk welke clean bij comparisering. Ja, het is. Wat een familie-friendly Urban Dictionary Corner vandaag, Luz. Excellent, well done. Right, ik heb nog een meer, een quick one. Ja, oké, ik feel dat dit is going to be horrendous, because dat one was quite nice. Do you like the balance? I know I do like the balance. Oh, is it not? It's not, it's just a brilliant word. I've gone for... Ja, oké.

Oh, pumperoons. Pumperoon. Oh, oké. Now, your little hand signal has just given it... Oh, I'm thinking it... Breasticle. Oh, I'm really angry at myself for giving you a clue. Oh, hairy nips. Heer nips. Heer nips. Heer nips. Heer nips. Have I got it? No, but close.

Shaking your pomperoons at someone. I like just the word pomperoons for boobs to be honest. Yeah, can we coin that? Can we make it not a dirty thing from Urban Dictionary and just be like pomperoons? Because also they sound a bit like... Icy pomparoons. Ja, ze sound delicious. Ja, ik denk dat ik pommaroons had. Ja, pommaroons. Dat is dat niet. Ja. Het is niet leuk. Ik wil het zien op Bake Off. Het is niet. Het is niet. Het is niet. Het is niet. Het is. Ik ga je vertellen.

It's just overly large areola region of a breast. Oh. That is pomperoon. So basically like pregnancy tits. Yeah, bergenaids. Big burger nips, ja. I actually think a pomperoon is a much nicer way of saying a burger nip. Yeah, exactly. Own your pomperoons, girls. Own them. Absolutely. And maybe put icing sugar on them.

All righty then, should we crack straight into a parenting tale? ... ... ... Brilliant. So, I'm going to call this one the car boot sale. I'm really hoping it ends with her accidentally selling her child in a car boot. I've got high expectations. 50p for this one. There we go. I might win the Parenting Fail Award of 2021. No returns. Thanks. Yeah, no backsies. Right. So, hi both. I love...

listening to your podcast. It's so hilarious and very true. Anyway, me, my now husband and my daughter who was six at the time were at a car boot sale and my daughter picked up a bag of Barbie dolls. So, I asked the man how much for the bag of Barbies. Het is een beetje strange en niet de kind of persoon I would expect to be selling Barbies. Oh, hell no. Maar als een parent, je weet wat het is. Dus ja, £3 voor een bag of Barbies, brilliant.

We got in the car to go back to Nan and Grandad's And my daughter started playing with the Barbies She said Mummy Why is this Barbie got a shaved head Mummy MUZIEK We had in fact bought a bag of bondage barbies. S&M barbies. Oh my god. But her daughter was insistent on playing with them. So, ze carried on playing with them anyway. Maar ja, bondage.

Barbies. Bondage barbies. Do you know what though? That might be 5% better than where I thought it was going. Oh, oh. I thought it was either going to be like butt plug barbies. Why is this Barbie's head the shape of a doorknob? I thought you were going to say Why is there something in this Barbie's bum? Or I thought that...

I thought it might have been stuffed with drugs or something was the other thing. But then I thought three quid's a bargain. I mean, to be honest, I don't know. I don't know the street value of drugs nowadays. I don't know what the current going price is.

for a bag of blow. But your £3 might have been a little cheap. But that's what I thought that was going on. So I mean, bondage barbies then, retrospectively. What would you say if that was Evelyn? And Evelyn was like, Mummy, look at all these amazing... TV Gelderland 2021 Dat is modern futuristic Barbie. Future Barbie. Dat is wat dat is. To be fair, not too dissimilar from some of the LOL dolls that she currently has. That all just look like they've been through stripper school.

She's like, do you like my new LOL mummy? This is like slutty baby owl. Owl? LOL. It's like got knee-eye boots on. And just like come to bed with me eyes. But it's an owl. I'm like, I don't know what this is. I don't know what this is. Yeah. Ja, het is weird. LOL dolls are weird. Evelyn's got a collection of grey dolls. I think they're also LOL dolls, but they are full on grey. Full on grey. Is that a thing? With their tiny little pleated skirts on. Is it like heroin chic?

Ja, of Vampire Chic, ik ben niet entirely sure wel, maar het is heel erg. Het is heel erg. Oeh, ze houden ze niet zoals ze used to zijn, maar ze zijn kleine waaste en grote tits en we allemaal groeien op te voelen echt inferiore. Now kids today just growing up wishing they were grey. Moo, grey. Moo. Just growing up mare. So there we go, thank you.

We're done, Abby. Oh, and your bondage. Did she keep the bondage barbies? Are they now personal collection or did they have to go? I mean, I would have disinfected them. Support small businesses, guys. Go to your local book-op. I think car boot sale. There's got to be some good car boot sale stories out there. So let us know. But thank you Abby. Let us know. Well done Abby. Enjoy your new super long eyelashes.

So there we go, another episode done. Oh, they fly by, don't they, Lise? They fly by. We were talking about gist on Barbies and... Weird Urban Dictionary Corner sayings. Lovely. Okay. So there will be more of the same next week. Hopefully without Lucy hacking like she smokes 60 a day in the background. It's alright babe. I've got a wheeze. I've got like a...

An old man wheeze. So hopefully next week we'll be bouncing. We'll be back to our finest. And next week we might be able to reveal our first mystery guest. Oh we do have a guest! Do we have a guest? I'm really... I'm quite scared about this guest. I'm not going to lie. I'm so excited. But yeah, we have a new guest.

het is either going to be brilliant or it is going to be so awkward but then I think because it might be really awkward it might be brilliant also regardless it is just going to be brilliant so yes we will reveal next week our special mystery game But in the meanwhile, we have our little extra that comes out now on a Thursday. So if you've enjoyed us on a Monday and you get to Thursday and you're like, where is Sophie and Lucy in my life? You can have us again on a Thursday.

ready and waiting for you to be downloaded and if you have any parenting tales or fails please do send them in and you can get your iconic london mascara if we choose to read them out it is tied and tested at acas.com pop them over and we'll see you for the big version next monday I think that's everything. Hit the jingle. Oh god, Liz, there's your freaky fireworks again. Why does this keep happening to you? Baby, I'm a fire.

To our hackers that have joined us for this week's episode. Thanks for that. Bye. Hit the jingle. It's the Tired Intested Podcast. Enjoy the safe play zone. Over half an hour of laughs and the occasional little moan. Normal life and all this strife is what we like to speak. Things like saggy boobs and hangovers that last a freaking week. From perky tits to kill and it's a snack bitch when I'm dead I'm realising that parenting is just living in bumworm dread Happy listening to the podcast