We Tried Mel Robbins’ "Let Them" Theory. Here’s What Went Wrong.

You've seen all those. Let them Tik Toks, Let them this, let them that. But is Mel Robin secretly just selling us a bogus reason to ignore all of our problems? Hold up the rule works until it doesn't, like when you're the intern and your reputation is on the line or you're the only woman in the boardroom. If you don't apply the let them theory correctly, it can tank your love life or your career. I'm. Cherie, I'm Jean and.

We're the Tiger sisters. We are your Wall Street and Silicon Valley Big Sisters. And we're a top ten business podcast on Spotify where we talk about money, power and love.

In this episode, we're going to tell you exactly what the Let Them theory is and how to use it. We're going to define it and we're going to use case studies just like we did at Harvard Business School and Stanford Business School and some mini exercises. Then we're going to give you the upgraded version, which is let me. So it's Let them and let me. And then finally, we're going to do a takedown where we talk about all the places where Let Them doesn't work.

So if you've ever implemented the Let Them theory and then still felt screwed or unsure about yourself, stay for our playbook throughout this episode and we'll get into it right after this break. This episode of Tiger Sisters is

brought to you by. Read AI. Yes, and it's not just another note taker. It's like an AI copilot that can read, transcribe and summarize your meeting notes. It reads the energy and vibe of your meetings to give you the next smart steps. I'm obsessed because it's like having a chief staff that manages your inbox, your work meetings, basically your entire work life. Yeah, last week I missed a

meeting and I was able to type. What did I miss And read AI was able to give me the top takeaways, the key points, and also the sentiment. It was kind of like magic. And it works across Gmail, Teams, Notion, Salesforce, Zoom, basically wherever you do your work. And you know me, I never give apps access to my Gmail because that's super private. But I actually made an exception for Read AI because I personally know the founder, David Shim, because we used to work together at Snapchat.

And you guys might remember we actually interviewed David Shim on Season 3 of Tiger Sisters when he was talking about his new startup, which is actually Read AI. And now Reid has over 4 million users. Wow, wow. And they're giving Tiger Sisters listeners a 30 day enterprise trial, which is worth $30 and that does not require a credit card to sign up. We don't know how long this 30 day free offer is going to last, so if you're at all curious, try it right now.

Go to www.read.aislashtigersisters for a free 30 day extended trial and you don't need to put in your credit card. Sign up through our link because then they'll know that we sent you. We're obsessed with Read AI and we think you're going to love it too. And we're back. First, we're going to quickly define the Let Them theory.

So the Let Them theory states that you should let people do, believe, behave, think whatever they want instead of using your own energy to manage their decisions. Yeah, and this theory has gone totally viral. It is everywhere. There's so many like funny memes about it where people are like oh this dog like pooped in my yard or like this dog shit on my driveway. Like let them. Yeah, it's almost a meme at this point where like it's gone so far.

You're like how do I even apply the let them theory? Yeah, there's so many good jokes about it. So Mel Robbins made the Let Them theory popular and basically what it's stating is that it is the emotional labor tax. Studies show that monitoring other people's feelings raises your own stress and cortisol by almost 30%.

Oh damn, that's so me. So what the Let Them theory does is it interrupts this rumination loop where you're constantly like spiraling, thinking about the other person, how they're feeling and managing what they're feeling. And then it frees up your own time so that you take control of your own life. It's kind of like a radical sort of concept because it's like radically letting go in a way where you're just like, not my problem.

Like this thing that you've been thinking about for so long and is driving you crazy. It's like you just put it in this box and throw it away and you're like, let them. Yeah. I think that's why it's like been very so popular and so powerful, because it's dramatic, it's radical, it really. Is and there's examples of people doing this both in the workplace, in business, and we'll get into one of those examples shortly.

And also we're gonna bring in personal examples throughout this episode where we talk about where this theory has worked and also has not worked in our own lives.

So Gene, could you tell us a more business case study of where this has worked? Yeah. So one of the business case studies I like the most where this worked is about Satya Nadella. So he is the current CEO of Microsoft, and he's the third ever CEO of Microsoft. And he actually came in after the second CEO, who was named Steve Ballmer, who was like famously hard charging and had a very big, like, cult of personality around him and was like, very like hardcore.

Brash and loud, he like created a very like bro Y culture. Sure. There's a lot of memes around Steve Ballmer as well. There's a. Lot. He's part of the lore. And then Satya Nadella came in from like the totally opposite position where he had this very sort of like empathy first leadership approach. And he even sort of instilled that approach throughout the entire company and built it into

the culture. And a lot of analysts and employees were sort of like making fun of him for this because they were so used to the Ballmer approach. And they're like, he's not intense. He's not like the leader we're used to, you know, he's like kind of soft. So what Satya did was he said let them and he. Let them criticize. Let them criticize. He went with his mobile first cloud first strategy for the business and his empathy first

leadership. And he built the company from a $300 million company in 2014 to now over a $3 trillion market cap company, which is unheard of. And now Satya is constantly cited in Business School studies for his quiet confidence and his culture. Turn around at Microsoft. And briefly, you were an employee of Satya Nadella, weren't you? More than briefly girl I worked at, I worked at LinkedIn, which was owned by Microsoft for almost five years.

And what was the the lore? Were you one of these employees that criticized him for being soft? No, because I wasn't there. I didn't know Steve Ballmer like Steve Ballmer's way of running the show. I was, I was only knew Satya's way of doing it. But it was interesting because the company is very kind, compassionate and like prioritizes like the well-being of others, like employees and stuff. So like, it definitely was felt during my time there.

Yeah, and that's why I love of this example. It's because you see Satya saying let them doubt me, let them criticize me, and then let me build a $3 trillion company. Hell yeah. You go, Satya. You make that Microsoft stock price go up. We're so proud of you, baby. Keep going. Sheree has a vested, may or may not have a vested. Interest, Yeah. Do I need to disclose that? Obviously I don't think you miss you in Microsoft. So this is. Not We're not pitching the.

Stock. I don't know, just you know, know that I am a big fan of Microsoft for many reasons.

OK, so Cherie, why don't we talk about, do you have like a personal anecdote or your personal experience with let them? Yeah, I do. And this is pretty recent, so it's like very much on my mind. It's about a friendship that I had. And I'm using the past tense because let them, let them.

And it's actually like, we're kind of joking about it now, but it's like a very painful thing that's happened because Gina and I have talked about friendship breakups and how they're like potentially even worse than like, romantic breakups. But I had this very close girlfriend. And for the sake of anonymity, we will call her Sam. But we were very, very close. And I always felt that I had put more time in the relationship with her and effort in reaching

out. So like whenever like I would reach out to her for plans for brunch and like, you know, check up on her and whenever that would happen, like, and we actually met up in person, it was amazing. But she never really took the effort or reciprocated the effort to like, reach out to me in any way. And that's important to you and that's.

Like the reciprocal nature of a relationship and like the respect for each other in a relationship is super important to me. And I didn't feel like I was getting that from her. And she totally knows that too. Because whenever like I would bring it up to her, she'd be like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Even actually without me prompting, she would be like, it's been so long since we've talked. I know it's my fault. It's like I'm so busy. And it's not just with me.

She's with, she's like this with so many people in her life. And like, you know, we've talked like me and other people have talked about, like how she's not good at keeping up. Well, it's good you didn't take it personally. I mean, I kind of do take it personally when I see her in person, it feels great. But then like in the in between moments she's like kind of, she's like ghosts. Like I'll be like, hey, how are you? Check in on her? And like, I won't hear a

response. And I'll like text her again the next week and then like, you know, 3 texts and she'll be like, Oh my God, I'm so busy with work. It's like been like that for years. Yeah, so. It was really frustrating because I have so much love for this woman in my heart. Last year. What happened is like we got on the phone for after a long period of time and since like I'm usually the one scheduling like our phone catch UPS or like

Hangouts or whatever. Like we were on the phone and I was basically like, hey, like this relationship is super meaningful to me and I would love, like for you to be like more available and proactive in our friendship. So I, I arranged this call, like you can arrange the next call for us to catch up. And she's like, Oh my God, I

totally will. Like, yeah, I'll, I'm like so excited to hear you say that because like, I know I've been like so Mia and missing, but like, yes, I'll arrange the next call and I'm like, OK, that's perfect. You know, a month goes by and she like texts me. She's like, hey, let's catch up this week. And I'm like, great, what time are you free? And I text her back. Nothing. And that was a year ago, but. Sorry, but that was just like a dramatic That was a year ago. But like.

It was the dramatic reveal. I'm and that was a year ago, right? And so, so she I was just like, yeah, what time are you free? And she just never responded then. But then she. Hasn't been free. God forbid a girl have a busy schedule for one full year and not be able to schedule a catch up call with you. God forbid, God forbid for the last like decade we've known each other.

This type of behavior would frustrate me, but over the last year, I've really embrace the let them theory to be like, if she wanted to, she would. And she's A and like she's a very competent woman. She's like a boss in her own right with work and like her schedule and everything. Like she's not like a la Dee da person. She's like a very competent lady. And I have a lot of respect for her in that way.

But you know, it's just like, OK, I gave her this option and she could do it. I'm tired of doing it myself and it didn't happen. So like, let them. Your girl was tired. I'm exhausted for for being an emotional crutch for people who do not return that to me when I feel like I give so much to them. Yeah, yeah. So you've been using let them

for a while now? Specifically with this one instance, I was like, I feel like I've put in a lot of effort and here is one way you can show me to put in effort, Sam. And if you do, we can continue to have a relationship. But if not, like this is kind of where I draw the line. And if she next week was just like, hey, let's schedule a call, I'd be more than happy to be on the phone with her. But it just hasn't happened and she said she would do it.

Well, it's actually interesting. We're going to talk about this later in the episode where we talk about all the places where let them kind of fails. But you actually took an extra step. You didn't just say let them. You communicated to her like what your sort of needs and expectations were in order to continue the relationship in a healthy way. And you sort of like gave her this sort of opportunity on a silver platter, right? And she didn't take it. So you didn't just do let them.

Let them was like the beginning of. Your That's fair, but it. I think it helped you because it allowed you to like, let go of. Responsibility, Yeah, yeah. After I've been, like, holding the responsibility for the friendship on my own for like a decade, I felt like it actually is so freeing because I'm like, I didn't ask for her to do much. I'm just like, schedule the next call. And she almost got there. You know, she did reach out after a month and be like, hey, let's talk.

And then I'd be like, what times are you available? And then, like, nothing came. Like, nothing. Yeah. I mean, maybe she doesn't want to be friends. Anymore maybe I mean she's gotten her wish like we we haven't communicated yeah so yeah that's one way to ditch a friendship just ghost great that's very emotionally mature happy for. Her. Is that OK with you? I mean clearly not have a conversation.

Some people are avoidant. We'll talk about more of that in this episode of the problematic avoidance nature of the Let Them Theory. But yeah, some people are avoidant. And I honestly just feel sad for her. I'm a very good friend. Sometimes I'm avoidant. What are you avoiding? No, just in general. Sometimes I can have. I'm like conflict avoidant more so than you. Yeah, I'm pretty fiery nowadays. I bring things up.

I'm more likely to just do the first part of what you did, which is just the like, let them and kind of like let someone's actions speak for themselves without prompting them so explicitly and being like, well, if you wanna continue this friendship, like you can do this. It depends though she and I have been friends for a decade. I have to say something to her to be like. And it wasn't like a harsh conversation.

I was just like, I really love our friendship and really respect you as a person, but like, I like want to see more effort from you, like in our relationship because it means a lot to me. You know, it wasn't like me like yelling at her. Like I literally talked to her and she was very understanding on the phone. She's like, I completely understand. I'm so happy to hear you say that. Like I feel the exact same way. Like, let me, she's like, let me

schedule the next call. Like you're totally right. Hello. Am I being bamboozled? To me, that sounds like pandering. Maybe. I think she was just saying what you wanted to hear so that like, she didn't have to engage in conflict on the call. Probably. I mean, there was no conflict. No, because she said exactly what she knew you wanted to hear. Yeah. She didn't want to engage in conflict. I see.

As someone who can have avoidant tendencies, that's like me sort of assessing from an avoidant perspective. Yeah. If Sam isn't is indeed avoidant? Well, I think that's a great example because we see like. I mean, I haven't thought about her for the last like year because of that. Which is great. So let them work. Because it like freed up my mental space. I have another example but it gets a little bit more personal. Should we move on very quickly? It's with my ex. K.

So a lot in theory works. I did the exact same thing with my ex-boyfriend who wanted to get back together. And basically I was like pretty fed up after like being proposed to get back together with. But anyways, he wanted to get back together. I don't know if I'm gonna keep this in the final cut, but I like gave him kind of a plan. I'm like, if you wanna get back together, these are the things that need to happen. You're like, here's your. Performance improvement plan. Yeah, here.

Are the three pillars in which your behavior was. Unaccepting the bar yeah. And I'm like, and it wasn't like I was completely shut out of like, I don't want to get back together. I'm like, OK, I'm open to the idea, but let them like let them show you like what their true behavior is after. I was just like, I need these things from you to like know that you're committed after we broke up the first time. And I like literally laid out like these are the things you can do.

And you can brainstorm some things that you could do on your own to then like bring us together. And like let them. But he like wasn't willing to do those things and wasn't even willing to like brainstorm. So I was just like, you let them like show me who you are. Some people have no creativity. It's not that hard. I even was just like use ChatGPT. He he was like I did. You're like I. Use AII. Was like, brainstorm things that you could do. You're like to show me you're

committed your group chats. Yeah, anyways, let them. So that's yeah, that's three great examples. You got Satya Nadella, the CEO of Microsoft, Cherie's former friend Sam, and then Cherie's ex-boyfriend Sam too. But yeah, I mean, that's that's great. We're really showing that it can be, it can be applied across all different areas of career, friendship and love life. Yeah, and I love like you. You were so perceptive because

you're right. I did the let them theory plus some more because I gave people like an action item that's really not that friggin hard. Like I do these things all the time but like I gave people an action item to see if they can like meet me where I am. Well, you think it's not hard because it's something that you naturally do. It's not something that they naturally do, so it's hard for them. That is true and that is unacceptable to me in my friendship and my.

Relationship, I mean like you want to be friends with and interact with people and, and have like romantic relationships with people who are on your level, who are sort of like naturally doing the things that you're doing for them because you want some reciprocity in these exact areas. Exactly and. Sometimes for them, it's just really, really hard. Yeah. I feel like that's kind of was the case in the person I was most recently dating that you were.

Dating yeah, like. I could tell he was trying so hard, like I knew he really he. Was at his wit's end. He was at his limit. Like I knew he really, really, really liked me and like you saw like he was trying so hard all the time, but it wasn't sustainable for him.

He was perceptive enough and tried hard enough to like, figure out all the things that I wanted and like what my sort of needs and wands were, and he was able to do it, but he just couldn't do. He's just not really capable in this moment in time of like doing it for life. Yeah, let them. OK, well, OK, now on to let me, we'll, we'll try to run through this quickly. Quick pause, Tiger fam. This is Cherie and we just dropped a brand new listener survey.

It's different from the audience survey that you hopefully already filled out. It's 10 quick questions and two minutes Max. Your support keeps the episodes free and publishing weekly. Why? Because your answers tell future sponsors that Tiger Sisters is a show worth investing in. That means better partners, stronger episodes, and no random ads you don't care about. Tap the listener survey link in the description right after this

episode. Talk it out and help us keep building a podcast that feels made for you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being the best part of Tiger Sisters. Now back to the show.

OK, Now really quickly, we're going to run through Part 2, which is called Let me. And this is essentially the upgrade to Let them. This is the part of the let them theory that people don't talk about but is pretty important. Yeah, if not more important than the first part, honestly. I guess people need to do a step. One. Yeah, true. Step one. This is Step 2.

Yeah. So Step 2 let me is that after you've done the let them part of letting go and allowing people to take responsibility for their own actions instead of holding it in yourself, Let me is that now, once you have all that freed up space, both mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you want to actually proactively replace it with something that you're going to do. And the reason is, is because psychologically, our bodies are kind of and our minds are

neurologically looking for something to replace an empty space. And a lot of times, like in this day and age, the natural thing to do is to fill it with something mindless like scrolling on TikTok or, I don't know, Twitter, like, whatever your vice. And that's why you need to proactively pick something that you're going to be replacing all of that time that you were spending on the thing that you were obsessing over before you

use the Lethem theory. Yeah, and scientists say that your brain hates vacuums or your brain and your body, they don't like voids. So like, when you honestly like free up mental space from using the Lethem theory, it is so important that then you reassign that attention to something positive in your life so that you know, you're not just kind of like, you know, like you said, doom scrolling on TikTok or focusing on something else that's not productive.

Yeah, I feel like I actually naturally did this like by accident without even knowing the let them theory after I ended my engagement and my 8 year long relationship there was obviously. A big gap. A big gap, a huge void a. We don't talk about that though. The huge void we don't. Talk about the huge void. A missing roommate. Then I sort of like almost immediately thereafter, threw myself into Tiger Sisters and building this company. Wait, so Tiger Sisters saved

you? Is that what you're saying? So you mean me coming to live with you? Saved you? Well, it definitely was like a very productive way for me to focus my energy, Yeah. And to do something that I felt really like, passionate and positively about. And to do it with someone that I love and like, cares about me and like, wants the best for me. So I do think I kind of did that. People have said, actually, you know what? Tom has said that to me before. What did he say?

He said Cherie saved you. He said that like you, yeah, that like you like replaced this like huge thing. I mean person that was like in my life. Yeah, that was honestly kind of the point of me like 1 of the points of me like coming here after graduation, like, you know, that I love San Francisco and I like, really wanted to be there. Wait, what are you making that pay? I came to fucking save you, bitch. Or did I save you? Oh why? Because of my ex.

I don't know. But he was going to the East Coast. I saved you from. Tech Bros, yeah. OK, the bad fashion and awkward people who claim to be on the spectrum are you? Talking about like tech Bros, Yeah, OK, I can handle tech Bros. I mean, obviously. But yeah, actually, that's true. You know what? I was worried. I was worried that after I graduated that there was too big of a time gap because there were like a couple months in between, like the breakup and when I

would come and move down. Oh, me, yeah. So I was just like, is she going to be OK? That was fine. You ended up being fine, but yeah, it's good that I came and then we started a company together. Wow, this is little sister energy she loves to take credit for. It sounds like your friends also pointed this out too. I don't know what you mean. That's funny actually. Someone commented on like a TikTok video of you and me and was just like, you saved your sister.

Like they, they like watch her podcast or something so they know your story and they're like, you saved your sister from like unaliving herself. And I was like, God, I know. I was like what? I was like #1 no, not like that. Number 2, who are you? I've never seen that comment. I'll have to. I maybe I deleted it. I don't know. I was just like, you don't know what's going on, but like, yeah, the funny. OK, you know, let them. Let them. Let me. Let you.

Rebuild my entire life, yeah. And build this podcast to be top ten business podcast. Top ten business podcast on. Spotify with a sponsor? Read AI. We won't go to another break. We already had a break in the beginning. Thank you. Read AI. Yeah. But we're very proud of the sponsorship. We love our sponsorship. We love this brand partnership.

OK. And I think the perfect case study for the let them and let me theory is with Taylor Swift. Yeah, I love this one because it's very pop culture, but it's also business related. And it's also like a nice contrast to the whole Satya Nadella Microsoft one. True. So if you think back to when Taylor had her whole controversy with Scooter Braun and those PE companies coming to buy all her masters, and she had that like, big public fight with him, she couldn't do anything about it.

She ended up losing the rights to those masters. But then she said, OK, I let them have those masters that they paid all that money for. Let me now re record all these masters and make a whole new album of it. And that was, it was like her turning it, it was like. Her her turning point I. Feel like it was like a, a massive milestone in her very long and storied career where people started to look at her differently and we're like, oh shit. Like she is masterful.

She is strategic. She is a. Yeah, huge domino effect too of when she re recorded her masters, because then it timed nicely with the Eras Tour. So then in her re recording and re releasing her songs that were super popular like many many years ago, but like she gave it a new momentum, a new wave and then she could sing about them through the Eras Tour. Yeah, and she really did start a whole new era for herself. Yeah. And it, like actually made her all the more powerful.

Yeah. So that's a great example of how you can take all that energy of, like, letting go from let them and put it into something incredibly productive. Yeah. It's kind of empowering me. Yeah, yeah. It's so empowering to see what she's done because if that that like horrible, like Saga didn't happen, she wouldn't really be at the same place she is now. Yes, totally. Which is insane to say, you know, because like, it must have been horrible, a horrible feeling to be like going through that.

But now she's at a much better. Place yeah. And then also doing all that recording, re recording all of those original songs caused people to rediscover her music and like appreciate, appreciate it in a way that they never did. And then like compare the new songs to the old songs. And how she sang them. Her voice is matured now. Now that she has a different perspective, how does she say

this line? And it just like it built her fanbase even more, and it made her existing fans even more like fervent. Yeah, it. Reignited her fanbase, I think. Yeah. And just a couple of months ago I saw an article where Taylor Swift now made enough money through her Eris tour to buy the. To buy the masters. Yeah. Back for her Reputation album.

Yeah. I think it was like, you know, something of like 300 to $350 million, which is a lot of money, but that's also like she can do that and she did that with the money she earned. Yeah. Hell yeah, yeah. Let them like let me. Let them with the. But then let me do something about it. Yeah. And she, she, what a boss. Yeah, and I like it that the let me made her even stronger and even more powerful and even wealthier than ever. Before hell yeah. It's an amazing story to witness, yeah.

Is that like me? Yeah, it is. Let them now let me. Exactly. OK, so now moving on to the part that you guys have all been waiting for the roast of the Let Them theory.

Yeah. So we wanted to be a little bit controversial, but also these are 5 areas where theory really does fall down. It's not necessarily one-size-fits-all. And the first place where it really breaks down is can we please talk about the privilege? Yeah, so let them. Theory is inherently very privileged. You're coming from a very

privileged position. If you can actually say let them and not have to worry about the consequence because let them works if in this situation, you're the one with the power, you're the one with the money, you're the one with the decision making resources, the resources. But it doesn't work if you are the intern who is like, really desperate to get a return offer, or if you are the only woman in the boardroom and you feel like you have to be careful about what you say because it

represents all other women. And you could potentially put other women in jeopardy of not getting the position that you're in. Yeah. Just just two examples. Just two. Cat 2. Very. Light examples, yeah. Yeah. But I don't know, just saying, like, let them. It feels like it comes from a place of privilege or you have to have privilege in order to say it. Because if your circumstances are very fragile, just saying like, let them. Like oftentimes you can't.

You can't do that. You can't always pull it off in every situation. Yeah, The next place where it really breaks down is conflict avoidance excuses, because often times people can just use the let them theory and just like say let them because they don't want to confront something going

on in their lives. This was kind of an example that you used earlier, sorry, where you're just like, you know, if you are in a fight with your friend and you're just like, let them, but then you never have like a conversation with them about it, Then like, I don't know, you kind of take agency away from you or agency away from them and things kind of break down there. This one really called you out.

Yeah. And I think the extension of that is the third place where let them breaks down, which is that sometimes just saying let them can create sort of a an accountability vacuum if you're just saying let them and you're applying it to a situation where the other person is someone that

you come in contact with a lot. So like a really close friend or a Co worker or family member that you're in continual contact with, you're not really giving them an opportunity or tools to sort of like progress the relationship or resolve the situation. If you don't say anything to them. Exactly. You're just like let. Them. But then like nothing ever happens, right? Yeah. And you're using that to create like an accountability vacuum is what I would call it.

And the next place where the Let me theory actually breaks down is when we talked about, you know, that void after you apply the let them theory. If you aren't intentional about replacing that void with something productive, you might just like naturally slide into, I don't know, like replacing it with something that doesn't matter or like not being as productive as you were before. I feel like we touched on that a

little bit too. Yeah. OK, so then the last part where the let me theory falls down is what I kind of call the lone, the lone wolf approach. Because inherently the let me theory has 2 words. It's let and it's me. So it's very much like a focus on just me. And it's like looking inwards and seeing what you can do. But honestly, some of the best things in life I think are built with other people, right?

So like, unless you're sort of still opening yourself up to collaboration, to like building with other people, to working with other people, to welcoming help, it can put you in a very sort of like lone wolf situation. So I think let me but don't take let me so literally. It's like, let me and all of the people who want to help me and then like invite in help and resources.

OK, to wrap up this episode, we do have a mini exercise for you to do around the Let Them Theory. This is how you put the Let Them Theory into practice. So you should create a folder, whether it's on your phone in your notes or like a Google Drive folder and basically write a note to yourself whenever you feel the urge to jump into the drama. So we're going to call this like

the icebox or the parking lot. Because what this does is that instead of, you know, responding immediately to when someone kind of like annoys you, you have time to pause and not respond right away so that you can embrace the let them theory. I love this because firstly, it buys back like mental and emotional bandwidth. It's not something you have to deal with right away. Just write it down in the note.

And next, it gives you time to cool down your emotions because if you're not dealing with it right away, like you're not shooting back a quick text message, you have time to reflect and kind of see if it's something even worth responding to. You're putting it on ice, which is why I like calling it the ice box or you call it the parking lot or like a more techie way of calling it would be like the backlog, like, you know, things that you're probably never going

to get to, but you're just putting it in there so that there's like a note of it. Yeah. And this really helps you build the let them muscle because then you're resisting the urge to control the situation or resisting the urge to respond immediately. Yeah, I also like it because it's sort of like a record of all of the things that you wanted to do something about right away. And you look back on it in like a week's time, a month time and six months time.

And it's sort of like a graveyard of all the things that you, like, thought were so important and really bugged you, made you so angry, made you so like riled up at the time. And you can look back and be like, oh, who the F cares about this? Like, why was I so mad at the time? And it can kind of like train you subtly to in the future just not be so reactive or upset about things because you can like see all these instances, examples listed out from your own life of like where it didn't

really matter. And for me. I mean, whenever there's like a heated, you know, exchange back and forth over text message, which is absolutely the worst if that happens, like get on the phone usually. But if there's like a heated exchange, 9 times out of 10, it's so much better just to wait on what you're about to say back to someone rather than like, you know, just like typing something out. So that's why I like this

icebox. Like, I'm not saying you have to like, you know, go someone for a month if you're in the middle of a heat exchange. But like, it's good to take a pause. And just having this space that you've intentionally created for yourself forces you to take the pause. Yeah, I really like that, although I I'm not having that many heated exchanges to be honest. 'Cause you're conflict avoid in. Hey, you said it yourself. I said sometimes, but OK, so

guys do this right now. I'm gonna actually do this.

So take take out your phone, create a note if you have a an Apple or you know. An Apple, An iPhone if. You have an iPhone. I think you can also create. A note. In the Android on a Google. OK, create a note for yourself, call it icebox or backlog or parking lot or whatever, and then write in the comments done once you've actually done that, because that's just the first step. And then once you've done it, like you can see all the other people who have done it, and I

think that's cool. Yeah. And this is just a place to start. Obviously, there's the let them and the let me theory and I'm glad we talked through those things today. Yeah. So that, you know, it's like kind of a two-part approach. Yeah, and all the warning areas to like look out for where it doesn't really work. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Thank you guys so much for tuning in.

Please remember to like, comment and subscribe because when you subscribe to our podcast, you get notified every single time we drop a new episode. And it definitely helps as we see our subscribers grow. We feel like you guys are part of this community with us. And if you're listening to this podcast on Apple or Spotify, please take 3 seconds. It's literally so quick to just give us a five star review.

And also, if you can type in that you like, like this podcast, it really helps with distribution and with other people finding us. Yes, and sign up for the newsletter. The link is in the description. And also check out our sponsors. Thanks for being here. See you guys next time. Bye.