Oldest vs. Youngest (how childhood still shapes us today) - podcast episode cover

Oldest vs. Youngest (how childhood still shapes us today)

Dec 02, 202438 minSeason 2Ep. 6
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Episode description

Ever wondered what it’s really like being the eldest daughter in an immigrant family? Jean and Cherie are back with Part 2 of their deep dive into the first-gen experience. From the pressures of being a cultural bridge to navigating friendships with parents, this episode has it all—the laughs, the tears, and the unfiltered honesty.

Join us as we tackle "eldest daughter syndrome," the burden of parental expectations, and the unique struggles that come with being first-gen. Plus, get our takes on how to balance being a parent and a friend, our favorite book picks in Book Club (including a spicy romance and a chef's wild ride), and how our upbringing still shapes our lives today.

Expect humor, realness, and lots of sisterly love. If you're first-gen, the child of immigrants, or just curious about the intersectional journey of two sisters making their way through life, this episode is for you. Like, comment, and share with someone who could use a little Tiger Sister energy in their day! 🐯❤️✨

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🐯👯‍♀️ Tiger Sisters Podcast | Career, Entrepreneurship, and Life

Welcome to Tiger Sisters, your go-to podcast for career mentorship and life guidance! Hosted by Cherie Brooke Luo and Jean Luo, we’re your internet big sisters here to demystify the ups and downs of navigating careers, tech, and entrepreneurship— all while staying healthy, stylish, and joyful along the way.

Cherie is an influencer who has broken down the complexities of big tech, finance, and MBA programs for millions of viewers, with over 100M+ views across platforms. Jean is a tech product executive and investor, holding over 50 AI patents, who has built an impressive career in product management and institutional investment at companies like Goldman Sachs and Snapchat.

Between the two of us, we’ve survived stints at top investment banks and big tech firms, founded startups, and earned four Ivy League degrees—if we’re counting Stanford! Yet, we still find time to focus on wellness, friendships, fashion, and skincare, always sharing the lessons we've learned along the way.

Whether you’re here for career advice, stories about balancing life’s challenges, or just to hear our honest takes on what it means to pursue fun, wealth, and joy in all areas of life, we’ve got you covered.


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~ JEAN ~

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🛍️ Items Referenced:

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♠️ Everything else: https://amzn.to/3z0dx5b


⏰ Timestamps:

00:05 - Part 2! Diving deeper into the first-gen experience 📚  

01:14 - Book Club is back! 📖 Our fave reads  

01:30 - Cherie’s book rec: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain 🧑‍🍳🍲  

05:32 - Jean’s pick: Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff 💖✨  

09:10 - Should you be friends with your parents? 🤔👀  

13:00 - Filling out FAFSA —the universal first-gen struggle ✍️  

13:34 - Customer Service phone calls as a 9 year old 📞  

14:28 - Billion dollar CEO’s hot take on friendship with kids 🤝👨‍👧  

20:40 - “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is real 💭  

29:05 - Eldest Immigrant Daughter Syndrome, a next-level challenge 🥇🌎

33:30 - The perks and quirks of being the youngest child 👶✨    

35:30 - Reflecting on how our upbringing shapes us even now 🥹

Transcript

Intro / Opening

Hi, I'm Jean. And I'm Cherie and we're the Tiger sisters. Hey guys, welcome back.

Part 2! Diving deeper into the first-gen experience 📚

This is Part 2 of our video where we talk about the first Gen. experience. In our previous episode, Jean and I really drove into our background kind of how we grew up and how that's impacted how we see the world. And if you're a first generation American or if you're the child of immigrants, hopefully you'll be able to resonate with this episode. Our childhood traumas, yes.

Definitely, and some of the things that we talk about and even if you're not, I think this will give you a glimpse or like a lens into some of the, you know, intersectional or, you know, bicultural straddling, which we talked about last episode that some of us first Gen. experiences. Yeah, you probably know a lot of first Gen. people. Cool. Let's dive in. Before we get started, Please remember to like, comment and

subscribe. And if you like this episode, we would so appreciate it if you could share it with a friend so.

Book Club is back! 📖 Our fave reads

We're going to start with bringing back a segment that a lot of people loved. It's book club book. Club. Here we have two new books to talk about and to recommend. So, Cherie, why don't you kick us off on what is a book that you've been reading and loving?

Cherie's book rec: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain 🧑‍🍳🍲

Yes. So technically I haven't been reading this book. I've been listening to it on audiobook, on Spotify. I love doing it whenever I'm in the car. I can turn it on, I can drive somewhere and make progress on this. Book minus points. No plus aura points because we're reading technically and we're multitasking, so the book. So when you listen to this podcast, you're reading.

Yeah, So the book that I'm reading right now is Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain, the late Anthony Bourdain. It's an iconic book. It's been out for I think almost 20 years now. But really, it feels like you're in the moment with him. So for those of you who don't know, Anthony Bourdain is of like a world renowned chef. He passed away in 2016, I

believe. But he talks about his life and his career, especially as he started up as like a chef in New York City and honestly all around the United States. And it just follows his adventure in the 90s and basically, what is it like to be a chef in the 90s? What does it mean? And he, like, you know, warning, this book has a lot of cursing. It's quite vulgar and exciting in that way. What did you say? I said oh. And it's quite vulgar and

definitely very colorful. So there's your warning there. But I think it's also just like a really beautiful piece that talks about food, the culinary world, and also like how food can bring people together and really shape things outside of the industry as well. Yeah. Can I chime in? Yeah, sure. OK. So I have also been like reading parts of this book because Cherie was playing it. In the car. In the car while we were doing

like a road trip. And I almost think this is like one of those books that is better. Listened to because. Actually, yes, he reads it. He has such a, he has such a beautiful, distinctive voice. I love his voice and the way that he reads it is at an incredible pace. Like you feel like when you're listening to it, you're like, you feel like you're jogging, like you feel your body feels like you're like rushing along with him. You feel the adrenaline like you

feel. Because the book is very fast-paced in and of itself and then he's reading it the way that he was writing it. Or it was meant intended to be like. Listen to. It's almost like stream of consciousness. I feel like the way that he writes. It is, it is very beautiful writing and it's a memoir. And I love biographies. I love memoirs. And you just hear about his life and, you know, the trials and tribulations and what happened and kitchens.

Yeah. And if you're even like a little bit of a foodie, I think you will love this book. Yeah, and also just like his voice is so strong. I don't mean his like listened voice, I mean his writing voice, yeah, is so distinctive. And also he's an excellent writer. Like very, I don't know if he's like classically excellent, but like the way that he writes and the way that you experience the book is so visceral.

Like you like, feel like you're in the kitchen, like you feel like the steam is like rising up and like hitting you in the face and like you feel like that you smell that, like it's, it's good actually. Also the book is like super descriptive too so like it feels like you're in the kitchen with. Him OK, and also he has an incredible vocabulary.

He yes, like I feel like this book somehow has like it has like 4 * 4 X the the like vocabulary of like a typical book like we would read from day-to-day. Yeah, it's it's artfully, it's masterfully done. Yeah, great recommendation. Yeah, thanks for letting me chime in Totally. Because you read the book as well. It's also funny because Jean would be like in my car and she would come in at like different points in the book. I think like come in and out.

And like, it's almost as if like you didn't really miss a beat or you didn't mind that. Like you kind of jumped in and out of this book because like, you don't really need to know or hear about it like sequentially in that way. You don't because it's just like he just keeps like telling his life story. It just like keeps going. It's like going and going. Yeah, so Kitchen Confidential would recommend. All right, Jean, what is your

Jean's pick: Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff 💖✨

book recommendation for book club? OK, my book recommendation is Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff. It's so good. OK, so this is actually a book. It's the inaugural publication of of this company called 831 Stories. So I don't know, some of you might know that I am a investor and I'm also an advisor to startups. So 831 stories is a modern romantic fiction startup started by these two women who are. They're like, they're brilliant. They actually, they have their

own podcasts too. They've had a very long running podcast. They're brilliant. They're so smart and it is really reflected in this book. So it's a romance. It's a romance novel. It's it's pretty smutty, but I'll just read the tagline. It goes a political strategist to her former boy band crush and what happens when teenage yearnings take a very adult and very sexy turn. It's just like a really, it's

like a fun book to read. It has a great back story because it's about this political strategist. So you have a lot of that like DC, Washington, like intrigue that it's always fun to like, learn about, like. Scandal. Sort of exactly. It's like scandal. So it's like fun to like learn about a world you're not in. And I feel like it's actually very well researched, very accurate.

And it's also it's a little bit of like it's a little bit of like kind of like, you know, fantasy, like it takes you outside of your own world, but it's not so far fetched. And also the main character is a little bit older, so she's like in her like late 30s, I think. So for me, for me, I was like, oh, like this could happen to me if I were a political strategist. But then also it's just it's really smart the way it's written like.

A smart smutty. Book. Yes, there you go. Smart smutty book. I've actually never read smut before. Are you sure? Yeah, well, outside of Gossip Girl in like middle school. Yeah, well, it's like totally having a renaissance. It really. Is like romantic. See, and you know that is. Romance. Fantasy. Yes, exactly. Actually, my friend Nicole was telling me about this book that a lot of girls are the girls and guys are Reading is about like fairies.

Yes, But yeah, that was like my book club, like ripped through all those books, really. That was like the book that my book club was like the series that my book club was most excited to talk about. Really. Everyone showed up. It was like people were like getting riled up. OK, well, I need to read it, I feel like, to be part of the zeitgeist. Yes, because I never read one of those books. I think it'd be fun to do it in, like, also. Yeah. You know, a setting where people

want to talk about it, too. Yeah. And so, yeah, I would really recommend this book. It's just like fun. It's short. It's it's like sexy and smart. I kind of like sexy and smart. That's like a really, Yeah. Good tagline. Yeah, and it's like the way that she, like, speaks and the way that the character is written. You're like, oh, I see. Like that could be me like it, or she could be one of my friends, right? Cool, I'm gonna borrow that after you're done. I'm done.

OK, I will borrow it now. Hey guys, quick break to let you know that we now have merch on Sisters matcha.com. We have sweatshirts and T-shirts that we designed ourselves. Go check it out and please rate US five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. These ratings are so important for the distribution and survival of Tiger Sisters podcast. Thank you for your support.

Should you be friends with your parents? 🤔👀

All right, hope you guys like this edition of Book club. Now moving on to the main topic, which is the First Gen. Experience Part 2. The first Gen. experience, it's a pretty heavy topic. We really got into it last time, and there is, like, so much more to say here. And so we want to dedicate a whole nother episode of the Tiger Sisters to really dig in here. And specifically, we're going to start off talking about are you friends with your parents? Should you be friends with your

parents? And like, where does that line cross? Does it ever cross? And, you know, as a first Gen. like, child of immigrants, like, what is the mindset on this? So, Jean, I know you have some thoughts on this. Yeah. I would say until I like started going to my friends houses in like elementary, like middle school, I didn't know you could be friends with your parents. Yeah. And like, it's actually, oh, my God, there's so much. I have like 50 million thoughts about it.

Like, you know how the people, there's this credence of like, the most important thing for a child growing up is not their immediate family necessarily, but the neighborhood that they live in and then all the other families that they're exposed to through their friends. Yeah. That's like, actually a really good example of it. Yeah. Because there's so many things that I learned from my friend group, my girlfriends and my friend group and like, observing them and their families.

Yeah. That I was like, oh, wow. Like you're like there is a different way to live. Especially if it's culturally different from your family. Exactly. Yeah. And like, there's a different way to, like, interact with your friends. I mean, there's a different way to interact with your parents. How the other half lives. Kind of and I like saw them like making jokes with their parents and like making fun of their parents and. Calling their parents by their first name.

Yeah, or just being like literally even saying like shut up mom or something like that, like we would. Yeah. No, no, you can't say. That you can't. Say that that's. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely cultural. I think yeah, there's like a very clear difference of being like a child from the ages of like, I don't know, born until like 18 and having a

relationship with your parent. And then when you're an adult and you actually leave the house, how does your relationship evolve then if it does? Because like in I think many parents eyes, I'm not a parent and you're not a parent yet. But like we hear that like you'll always be there like kid and like seem like a kid to

them. But I think it's really interesting when like 18 plus you move out of the house and you start to gain knowledge and experiences that your parents, especially immigrant parents haven't had, like haven't had exposure to even. And then you become like the knowledge bearer in so many ways of like knowing things that they don't know in like professional personal life, romance, like all those things they haven't experienced.

And that becomes a very weird like turning point as well when you're like, you see your parent in a different way. I would say for a lot of immigrant children or children of immigrants, yeah, that happens way earlier than 18. Do you think so? Oh, I mean, for me, that's my experience way earlier than before I moved out because like, for us, our parents are moving to the country for the first time. They're having a whole new experience. They have to relearn an entirely

new way of life. Versus for the child. Yeah. It's like you get to have many more years of like, back story of experiencing it and having the new culture be the new culture, but the American culture be second nature to you. Yeah. It's your first culture. Yeah. Right. So like there's just so many like norms and like cultural, there's just so many cultural norms that as the first Gen. child, you're used.

To yeah, there's this really funny TikTok that I saw a while ago, but it's like it just came into my head. It's like when you're a child and like you're literally like,

Filling out FAFSA -the universal first-gen struggle ✍️

I don't know, like 15 trying to fill out the FAFSA, like the financial aid form for college and, you know, you're 5th. Like, I don't know, it was like, you're 15 to like, you know, 17 years old, like trying to fill it out or something when the parent is like, supposed to fill out all that information. But like, when you have more context and like, you understand more stuff, like, it forces you, I think in a lot of ways to grow up faster, to have more of that responsibility.

But like, yeah, it was a context. Like not even in an Asian context. It was like a different, like, culture completely. But I think a lot of people can like, relate to that.

Customer Service phone calls as a 9 year old 📞

I think another like really small way that people across all different cultures who are children of immigrants have experienced this is that like many times your parents have an accent. And so like when you're talking on the phone, the way that they're perceived or the level of customer service that they received is markedly lower than someone who doesn't have an accent. It's horrible. Like I know like you and I grew

up a lot. Like we often times we're the ones that had to like call in to do like customer service thing. Like call AT&T because like we don't have, we, we have a very American accent and so like completely wrong, but like we are taking more seriously in our opinion. I could have a British accent. That's when it's really important, really important. There's something that's really important. Urgent. It's critical. It's. Critical. It's mission critical.

Billion dollar CEO's hot take on friendship with kids 🤝👨‍👧

I mean, but also tying it back, like can you be friends with your parent and would you want to be friends with your kid? Because I recently interviewed ACEO of like a multi billion dollar company. And I was kind of surprised to also just like we talked about like family life, career, children. And he was also pretty adamant that like parent and child is a a special relationship, but like they're not friends. And I was kind of surprised to

hear that. I feel like people who are like younger than our parents would have a different view. But I do think it might be kind of cultural. I don't know. I think it depends on the child. Honestly. It's going to depend on the personality of the child. You. Think so. Not totally, not the personality of the parent. No, no, the I think the parent will need to adjust their approach depending on the child

because like even for like. Obviously, I'm not a parent, but I feel like I have been a parental figure for you at many points in our life and like you have always been like extremely receptive to my feedback and to my direction and my guidance, even when like it's something that you didn't want to do, like for example. I swear to God if you say study

computer science as the example. That, OK, that's an example, but I just, I mean like if you were not generally receptive to my feedbacks then like I don't know, I would have to like tailor my approach like then we would have had a different sort of relationship. Yeah. I, I will say, I do think there are some downsides to being friends with your parents because I think that in some ways there is less of that parent child relationship that

you talked about. And so a lot of times as the child, like you don't feel like you have to take into account what your parents says, like you have a lot more autonomy, which can be good, but then also can be bad depending on your age. And then I think also depending on the level of judgement of the

child, right? So I do think that, like, there are people I know who were much friendlier with their parents and then they ended up making, I think, I don't know, we're like suboptimal choices for themselves because they were allowed to just do whatever they wanted to do. And they were children, you know.

Well, I do think there's a way like I, yeah, I think that's like a very, like we're talking about the extremes, you know, in like both examples, like I wonder what are like a more moderate relationship might look like where like you are that you are the, you straddle, like you are the parent in the times that it really matters and you are the friend also in times that it really matters. Because I do think there is a

time and place for both. Like when you're the parent and you're like, yeah, I think I do know better because I've lived on this earth for like 20-30 more years than you. And so I can kind of see things clearly. But then as a friend, like sometimes you need a friend and not a parent and sometimes you need a parent and not a friend. Yeah. So I don't, since I'm not a parent yet, I don't know quite where that is. But I think as a child I I would appreciate both.

But I think. It's having that, well, it's like having that level of like, you can have some dialogue, yeah, about it. And not being afraid as a child to like still voice your opinion, ask questions, like have a conversation about it as opposed to feeling like everything your parent says is like an edict. Yeah, you know, totally. Or like, I think, I mean, honestly, you kind of straddle both for me in in a lot of ways.

Like you are parent like less parent like, but like, but you do kind of like go on that border. But I'm like, I can tell you anything and everything and I feel so comfortable doing so. And like that's the friend. But I also know that you come in with the parent lens because like you want the best for me, not that a friend wouldn't, but like you also come in with that like very strong judgement as well, in a good way. You know what I mean? I am very judgement. That's not what I meant.

Yeah, you mean I have like good judgement because I have a little more life experience? Yeah, yeah. But I also know what you're saying isn't an edict. Yeah, even if it is a really strong opinion. Like I do feel autonomy in my life to, like, make my own decisions. But also that's all. We're adults. Like if it were ten years ago, it might not feel that way, but now, like we, we're adults. Yeah, make me a sandwich, bitch. Make me a sandwich, yeah.

I think like in conclusion. You still don't always get me water when I ask for it. Yeah, I do 98% of the time. Just kidding. That's my love language. Yeah. You get me a water. It's it started out when we were kids and she's like, get me a glass of orange juice. Really. Literally, you're obsessed with orange juice. Yeah, that was your drink of choice. We don't even have orange juice. We never drink orange juice anywhere. Now I'm craving orange juice.

Well, we don't anymore, but we were a Tropicana family growing up because we never had any soda in our house. That's true for sugary drinks except for orange juice. Like we never had like juice like any other like fruit punch or like apple juice or anything. It was just orange juice, I guess I. Do freaking love orange juice. I love fresh squeezed. Orange. You love orange juice with a pulp? Oh my God, I love it. I would always request no pulp, but then our family would get pulp.

Not even some pulp, but it would be like. Heavy pulp, Heavy pulp. Heavy, but most pulp. Yeah, from Tropicana. That was, you know. It's good for you. You know it's good for you. Drink the pulp fiber. Insane. Just to close out this section, I would like to be friends with my kid in the future. Obviously trying to straddle the parent thing as well but we'll see how that goes. Hey everyone, quick break to share something special.

Sisters Matcha. We've launched limited batches of ceremonial grade single estate single cultivar matcha straight from the family farm Sheree worked on in Japan. It's pure, authentic, and crafted with intention. Head to Sisters matcha.com to grab yours before it sells out. Make Matcha your daily ritual for lasting energy and focus. OK, the next topic that we're gonna talk about is eldest

"Eldest Daughter Syndrome" is real 💭

daughter syndrome, so I will kick it off with a viral tweet on X that says are you happy or are you the oldest sibling and also a girl? Mic drops. That hits, that hits for me. You good? Bro. Barely. Just barely Just. Barely holding on. Barely. Holding on after that tweet, but you guys, you might have seen I don't know if you're on this side of TikTok, but earlier, but this year there was a TikTok that popped off that was all about this.

I think she's a therapist or like a mental health advocate who made a TikTok about eldest daughter syndrome, which is not an actual medical syndrome. She was just coining it. But basically it's Katie Morton, who is a marriage and family therapist. This TikTok is totally taken off and it is like taken over the cultural zeitgeist. And there are articles, so many articles about it. There's like a Times article, There's the Guardian article. Even Vogue wrote an article recently about it.

So, you know, they're even like, they're like one step behind the time. Like, you know, the joke of like when something's in the New York Times, it's like over the hill. So jump the shark. Wow. It's it's kind of like a stupid, like people who like think they're highbrow type of joke. I see. If it's in the Times, it's already too late. Yeah, if it's in my Forbes article, you know. It's too late. No, it's not. If it's in your Forbes, you're like on the cutting edge of all

this. I kind of am in the cutting edge, but I don't know, it takes me a long time to write my articles. You scooped the cucumber. I did I. Did like yes, yes. My cucumber article if you guys don't know what we're talking. About You Got the scoop? Go to my Forbes page and read my articles because I wrote one on cucumbers. Yeah, Sheree is a Forbes contributor. Isn't that crazy? I'm a writer. Literally, she's a journalist. I'm a journalist. In many ways, you're a published journalist.

You're a Forbes journalist. Yeah, it's like. What the heck? Yeah. What the hell? And my beat is the creator economy. She has a. Beat. I have a beat, guys. I have purview. She has purview. Anyway, so here I'll quote from this Vogue article, but it says the term describes an all too common situation in which the eldest daughter and her family is tasked without size and often developmentally inappropriate responsibilities as a result of her position. Developmentally responsible.

Developmentally. See, she can't even say it developmental. Responsibilities. Wait, what was? That developmentally inappropriate responsibility. Not the development. Developmentally inappropriate responsibilities.

As a result of her position in the family's birth order, people dealing with the effects of Elder Daughter syndrome might find themselves struggling to uphold boundaries, devoting too much of their energy to people pleasing, or finding it hard to shake a Type A or overachieve her mentality in their day-to-day lives. Red metafilth. Yeah, Red metafilth. So I'm not an eldest daughter,

you are an eldest daughter. But from what I understand about this is that just being birth order supposedly means something. I think it does. And being the oldest child, you have to forge a path like for your younger siblings in many ways. And then I think just like adding a layer on top of that, being the oldest daughter, especially in a first Gen. slash immigrant like HAMP family household is like a whole new experience, a whole nother level of like developmentally

inappropriate responsibilities. I will say to your not like to your credit, but I would venture to say that you also have some of these syndromes because you are so much younger than me. Yeah, because you are 7 years younger than me. Like I left and went to college when you were. Going into middle school, yeah. When you were, oh, when you were, oh, shoot, you were 10. So then like from the age of 10 onwards, like I wasn't really around.

Yeah. So then you were kind of like the eldest daughter in some ways. So it's kind of interesting. Like you got to experience the 1st 10 years of your life like very fully as like the youngest child. And I think that has had like a really large effect on your personality. And that's why you're so like confident, outgoing and like self assured naturally. And kind of like not like attention seeking, but like like the same. Family comedian of the family. The glue that holds this family

together. I actually think I'm funnier, but you are more outwardly funny. I don't agree with that. But OK, just wait till I glow up. Yeah, we're still waiting. Just. Wait till I glow still. Waiting, but yeah, no, I it's interesting because I do, I hear you. Like I kind of have a little bit. Of both, yes, but you're also highly, incredibly responsible. Super conscientious. Yeah. And like type A and like overachieving as well. Yeah. Oh, that's so interesting. I just thought of that.

That was a, that was a, that was a novel thought. Her new thought she's forming her first thought. My. First thought she. Formed her first. Thought sometimes I surprise myself. Sometimes she has thoughts. Sometimes I even surprise myself. Yeah, that's interesting, right? Yeah, I just diagnosed you. Well, I guess there's no middle child between us like you know, so the middle child, or maybe there is no. I feel like we both had to be the middle child right Because.

Well, so then before we go into that, like middle children are like. The Peacekeepers. The peacekeepers, the ones who need to help with compromise because they're usually between an older and younger one, and they're the ones who are, like, often times overlooked by the parents because they're not neither the oldest nor the youngest. That's usually the diagnosis for middle children. Yeah, but we do have to be peacekeepers, too, in our family. Totally. The art of negotiation.

It was learned through divorce. Yeah. As children of divorce, Yeah, yeah. Truly, and also like I think we are or I'll speak for myself, but I think probably true of you too. Like, I think I'm like, hyper aware of, like, other people's emotions. Yeah. Because when you're a child and you grow up in a sort of like chaotic environment like that where you need to be hyper aware of like your situation, that's something to like, it's really

hard to shake. Well, I would say, I mean, I've talked about it honestly with a lot of friends. They say it's one of my superpowers, actually. I've talked about it with friends, with mentors, with therapists. It's like being able to reach. Talks a lot. Yeah, well, I talk about my problems a lot. Being able to like read the room and like diagnose it. It's like a it's a burden but also a gift because you're able to be like so adept and see and feel what other people are feeling.

And so many people are not able to recognize that. I think it's helps me in a professional setting I think. You're the more evolved version of me because I think that my problem is that I do that, but I also instantly like default change myself and like like one I like take on the emotions of what's going on and then I'll like automatically adjust myself to fit that versus like I feel you're more involved in that.

You can like clock everything and you're super aware, but you don't have to like you don't react to that naturally. You like decide how you wanna react to that. Yeah, you don't have to take on what in fact it's. So, I mean, I don't know if it's not a choice, it's definitely not a choice. But like, taking on how other people are feeling is just like a huge burden. Yeah. Like emotional burden.

Oh, totally. I was just like, don't burden me. Like I'm like, this is not for me to take on. Yeah, yeah. So that's why I'm like, you're more evolved in it. Yeah, you're the Charizard my. Charizard, Charizard Char Well, also I feel like I've talked about it a lot too. Like I've gone to like years of therapy, like consistently and weekly to talk about all, all sort of things, you know, in my life. And I think it's good. But like, I think I've thought a lot about it and I'm like, OK,

thinking about these things now. And I talk about it with friends a lot. Like I have friends who also feel this way too. So it's like a conversation that we have often. So it doesn't feel as charged, you know? But yeah, so eldest daughter syndrome, we both. Have it in some ways.

Eldest Immigrant Daughter Syndrome, a next-level challenge 🥇🌎

And then to take the topic even one level deeper, there's eldest daughter and then there's eldest immigrant daughter. Which is a whole nother phenomenon. So eldest daughters in any family are easy to spot. They're labeled bossy people pleasers, the mom of the friend group, and the kind of type A personality that organizes your get togethers and is strung tighter than a skim's bikini. The eldest daughter of immigrants. Think the eldest daughter trope on crack.

I don't know if I like that. It's from a vice. Or at least that pill from Limitless. OK. OK but I like wanted that pill from limitless. Oh yeah, I well, until he until Bradley Cooper like didn't have any left and then he only had like 24 hours to live or something. So I don't know vices. That wasn't my take away of the movie. Somehow I forgot that part. Yeah, I think I've been like called all of these things bossy people, pleasers, Mama, the friend group.

I think you just as like you have if you have oldest daughter syndrome, you I feel like you want. OK, you feel responsible. You feel. Responsible, but you feel like you need to control things, I think, or like in situations, even if they're out of your control, you feel like you need to have control because sometimes like as an oldest child. Like you were given responsibility that like outsize responsibility for your age and for your develop developmental.

Capabilities, but also like if you're an oldest child, I feel like a lot of the times the parents are still figuring it out, which is why you have a lot of responsibilities and you need to like take care of yourself or figure things out for on your own. True, I do feel like now that I'm now that I'm 35 and I'm not having like a child this year. I don't even know about next year. I thought it'd be next year but anyway, Nope.

Nope. But like I feel like now like I am like 10 and 20 times more equipped to have a child than I would have been if I were like 26. Could you imagine? I mean, like there's plenty of people now who are having kids like in like their early 20s, mid 20s, but like our parents were like that age when they're having kids. And I was like me when I was 2425 years old, I was a 2425 year old teenager and I'm one of

the responsible ones. Like I'm the responsible type A person, but I don't I wouldn't have been able to handle that. Like, as opposed to now when I'm 29 and that's just a few years, but those years were important for me to grow up and also have like, the emotional capacity to like, handle myself, let alone a baby. Speak, girl. Don't you think, Yeah, that's crazy. I don't know if I don't know if 20 year olds should be having

kids. Well, it also, it makes you honestly have a little bit more empathy for your parents because you're or for our, our parents, I guess.

Because I'm like, damn. Like they were still learning about themselves, still growing up, moving to an entirely new country where English was their second language, having to give up their prior, like, lucrative careers and lives and, like, successful career paths to take on a whole new career path that was taking not what they, yeah, taking a step back and, like, not what they originally had set up to do. It wasn't their hopes or dreams or aspirations.

It was taking something to survive and to provide for your family. Right in service of like another hope or dream which was like the next generation. American Dream. Yeah, Kamala Who? Yeah, Cherie. Yeah. This was like a much more upbeat version of or the topic, but I think it's because we like work through the trauma in the 1st episode. I wasn't even traumatized, Jean said. I looked. Like I said, she like looked like she was about to cry.

I wasn't about to cry. Maybe sometimes I know you better than you know yourself. I don't. Maybe, but that wasn't the case. Her eyes were shiny. My eyes are always shiny. She's sparkling eyes. Your eyes are sparkling. Sparkling. Oh wait, should I say anything about youngest child syndrome? No one cares. I think in if birth order does matter, it's pretty nice to grow up as the youngest child.

The perks and quirks of being the youngest child 👶✨

I think like you're showered with a lot of love. You're the baby of the family. I think it's like one of the luckier ones. You do get a lot of attention. And like, research says that, like, the youngest kids are the ones who end up taking more risks because they feel like they can, they feel supported, whether it's like financially, emotionally or whatever. Like they can take more risks and do the more entrepreneurial thing.

Yeah. So I do think, like, I feel very lucky to be the youngest in our family, even amongst our cousins. Like, I am regarded as, like, the baby of the family and always have been. Yeah. And also the family favorite. Everyone loves Mei Mei. That's true because everyone saw you and everyone known you from since you were a little baby. I know it's fun. I was like, I was like the I wasn't bratty, but I was just like, definitely. She wasn't bratty, but she was brat.

I wasn't. I mean, she was. So yeah. You were like the definition of brat. Like you were. She was that girl. Since she was, like, born. She's always been that girl. No, seriously. Like, I think that is also, yeah, you're not just the English child. You're the youngest of all of the cousins. All of our cousins. So like. You've always been given like a lot of attention and always a lot of positive attention. Yeah. By like all the generations. Yeah. And could like do no wrong in

some ways, you know. Yes, like. Not that I ever got into trouble, but like. Yeah, you're always very. Respectful. Yeah. You're good. But I think people like people like my grandma and grandpa like showered me with a lot of attention. Yeah, and like encouraged your outgoing, your naturally outgoing and like positive nature. Yeah, they really reinforce that. I feel very lucky about that. Like I think my grandparents did

a really good job. I don't know if it was like as welcome in my, like, immediate family that I was like, super outgoing and like, you know, as a kid very much liking the

Reflecting on how our upbringing shapes us even now 🥹

limelight. But I think my grandparents really leaned into it and helped that blossom in a way that grandparents do. This is my maternal grandparents. So I feel very lucky about that. Yeah, for that her eyes are shiny again. It in some ways I feel like the benefits of you being the youngest child and like taking a lot of risk have now finally come full circle to help me in a way.

Because like you obviously have been working on your creator career for part time, but for the last like five years. And I've been sort of like behind the scenes, like helping you with it and like being a part of it, but not fully in it. And like the only like the fact that I've been watching you do it and been sort of a part of it for so long.

Yeah. Do I now feel comfortable doing this startup and doing this entrepreneurial journey with you and even like putting myself out there like this because like I've mentioned before, like I'm naturally a much more private person than sure he is. But like having seen the benefits of your creator career and like all of the work that goes into it and all of how much it helps everyone, that has inspired me and encouraged me to now do this entrepreneurial

journey with you. Yeah, it's really come full circle and it's like really beautiful that we can do this together. I was out to dinner last night and one of my friends, guy friends was just like he remarked on how incredible it is that like we are so aligned in what we want to be doing right now in terms of like vision and like where we're going with sisters matcha, with our Japan trip, with our content, with our conferences. Like he remarked, he like said some stuff about that and I was

just like, you're so right. Like, it is incredible. Yeah, I I think it's really special. And like, obviously it doesn't happen for like many people, let alone for like siblings. Yeah, I made, I made my own best friend. Finally. It's paying off. Finally. I was your built in best friend. Yeah, your eyes are shiny. Are they? Yeah. Best friend Besties. Besties. Besties. Besties. Yeah. OK.

Thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode of The Tiger Sisters. If you enjoy this episode, Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, and please share it with someone who might find it helpful. Thanks. We'll see you next time, bye.

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