Here's what awaits your ear holes in this episode of 3 shots in. Another inmate came running past him screaming. He looked like he had been through like a wood chipper. The man was stabbed. Large red blisters, seeping fluid bleeding profusely. A guy's eyeball was destroyed after being hit in the face repeatedly with a slock. What's a slock? They lured him into a cell.
He lost an eye and a kidney, strangled to death, sawed his throat with a plastic cafeteria knife, a history of cannibalistic urges. Oh my god. This is 3 shots in. And today we're talking about... Hello. Welcome back to 3 shots in. I'm Jess. I'm Jake. This is episode 34 of season 4. Why do we have episode numbers? I don't really know. Don't ask questions. We've explained it before. Shut up. It doesn't matter. We're talking all about prison. Prisons. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no. Prison's a bad place.
It really is. And we're gonna talk a lot about how bad. This is the vile content warning song. Isn't very long. Hello, editor Jess here. On 3 shots in we do pride ourselves on putting out content with shock value and hilarity and equal measure. This is not one of those episodes. This episode is far more on the vile side of things. And for that, and because of a few episodes in the past, I decided to record that very special vile content warning message. I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did.
We'll be playing it whenever we run into episodes like this one. And consider yourself warned. Yeah, there's really no positive stories here. Not really. You know, the people that went to prison and like earned a bachelor's degree and like went on to being like scientists or some shit. We're not talking about them. No, no. We're talking about the other folk. Shawshank. It gets fucking rough in here. Yeah. Shots. We only had one shot. We only had one. It was a brutal shot.
I'm going to be honest. That's all it took. We had one shot of our friend. John's homemade moonshine. Yeah, he made it in his backyard. Probably. It was 100 proof and it probably could have disinfected wounds. Updates. You got updates. I do have some. OK. I got some too. So I I made a new character in Hogwarts Legacy. Oh, we're talking about that right now. Oh, it's OK. So talk about it. It's your update. This is your time. I didn't really play it. I thought about playing it.
Created a new character, but I didn't want to put a lot of thought into that character. So I had a little fun. OK, the looks randomized. I don't remember them. The name. Yeah. I put some thought into. OK. Her name is Penelope Stinkbush. And I'm excited to see what adventures she goes on. What house is she going to choose? Not sure yet. Oh, her adventure is just beginning. OK, also I have three mosquito bites. I've been I've been looking at those kind of like this entire time.
Yeah, like every time you like move and your arm like catches my peripherals. I look at it. Those look gross. Yeah, I it's been getting cooler in the area. I took Rex out into the yard and threw the ball for him. Yeah, you know, for a good while and ended up with these bites on my arm. Yeah, it'll happen. We'll get you. It did. They catch the the week. What about you? Oh, my updates. So it's not so much about me. It's more so much about the struggles that I will be juggling here very soon.
Juggling struggles. Yes, yes. The the struggle juggle as it's called. So in the next two weeks, there is so much going on. OK. Not only do we have Yellowstone returning. Oh, OK, that's a lot. Yellowstone is returning to end the show with six episodes. OK, that's coming in the next two weeks. Guess what else is coming in the next two weeks? Jen V. What's that? That's the spinoff show from The Voice. Oh, about the university. Yeah, yeah, it looked awesome. It does look awesome.
Yes. Super excited about that. Also, remember when Cyberpunk came out and it got like utterly shit on because it was so buggy. Yeah, I recall. Well, next week, Cyberpunk 2.0 is released and it's free. And they said that it changes the game so completely that you almost 100 percent must just create a new character and start from the beginning. Well, that's good because I did create a character in Cyberpunk and I was so disappointed by my lack of like options. I liked playing. I enjoyed Cyberpunk.
It wasn't a great game. It wasn't a game that I was like, I'm so excited that I waited 10 years for this. Right. But it was fun. I had fun with it. And so I'm excited for 2.0 and then like, you know, they making a DLC or whatever. But like, we'll see how 2.0 does before we buy the 30 dollar DLC. OK, you're not getting my money yet. Also, this is a double whammy. So I think it's Tuesdays, maybe Wednesdays. I don't know what days. My nights are going to be just over. I don't know what you mean.
So because of the writers strike. Oh, any scripted shows are all on halt. Right. The only reason Yellowstone and Gen V are good to go is because those were already done. There was no script writing or filming that needed to be done. It was all just editing and whatnot. Sure. So those are out. They're going to be coming out. But reality TV. But because reality TV and game shows and those things are technically considered not scripted, they can put those out willy nilly.
And they've decided the world, you know, the cosmos has decided to fuck me by releasing the Golden Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. Double whammy, four hours back to back. I'm sorry. And Danny's going to make me sit there and watch it with her. Yeah. And, you know, I like sex, so I'm going to do it. And it's horrible. It's horrible. I would say she's got me by the balls, but we'll see if I make it through all four hours, because maybe she won't. So maybe she won't even touch her balls.
Maybe she won't even look at my balls. Right. I have nice balls, you know, I mean, no, they should be looked at. OK. All right. People should look at them. People or Danny? People, everyone. But Danny's like, no, only me. You know, her contingencies that you have to watch The Bachelor with her. I have to watch The Bachelor. And normally it was fine. Normally it was just a two hour thing, but I could sit on my phone and get drunk and have fun.
Right. This is four hours. Yeah. The amount of drunk that I would get with just just one two hour show was bad. I would be like stumbling to bed because I needed to be that drunk to watch this. This is four hours. Dude, I'm going to need my stomach pumped every week. She's going to be horrible. Yeah. Big, big two weeks coming up. Oof. All right. Well, you know what, Jake? Yeah. Why don't you spin the wheel? No. Should I? No. It's what I thought.
You should do a thing with like when we spin the wheel, the lights on the spin. Will that be cool? Yeah, that'd be cool. But can you do that? That's not something I can do with video editing. You should try to do that. No, no, no. On your phone or something. I just don't think I can. Yeah, maybe you should do that anyway. Okay. So we got our first postman. Ready? Why are you saying that? You must escape from a prison. Which prison would you choose? Alcatraz or Azkaban?
This was a wheel spin that was written by my wife, Danny. She said, I asked, Hey, I'm going to think of some wheel spins. Do you want to help? And she said, sure. Can it be a would you rather? And I was like, well, I mean, I guess. Sure. She says, okay, would you rather escape? She's like, you have to escape from a prison. Would you rather it be? And she was like Alcatraz. Um, and she's like, I don't know of any other prisons. So real life, Alcatraz, which is a real prison.
And then she was like, Oh, what's the one in Harry Potter? Azkaban. I was like, Azkaban. Which is fictional. Yeah. And I was like, right. I was like, you know, Azkaban is based off of Alcatraz only like 50 times worse. Right. And she's like, no, I didn't know. Okay. Well, my answer is Alcatraz. Yeah. I think I'm going to choose Alcatraz personally. Like it won't be easy, but if I have to pick between the two Alcatraz. I think that I can make it to shore swimming. No, no, I don't.
But is there, is there a chance? Yes. There is a chance. There's a chance that current takes me and it guides me to shore and I'm good to go. Sure. What I told her was like, she was like, well, what if the sharks get you? And I was like, there are no sharks. I was like, it's too cold. Sharks don't like being there. I was like, not to eat you kind of sharks that are going to be there. Like she's a great whites or whatever. I'm like, they're not going to be there.
They're in the Pacific. The Pacific is kind of, but the more North you go, it's cold. Sure. And so, and I told her, like, no, it's in Southern California. So you're fucked. It's not in Southern California. Yeah, it is. San Francisco is in Northern California. Does it count as Northern? If you cut the state in half, it is deep into the North. There are, there are sharks there. Of course there are, but not the eat you kind. I mean, no, I just thought I read stories about. It doesn't happen.
Be doesn't happen. You read false stories. You read lies. The internet, you know, liars, full of falsehoods. You're, you're reading lies. Oh, okay. And now you've become a liar yourself. How does that make you feel anyway? And I told her and I was like, dude, you know, Azkaban is in the middle of an ocean. Not only is everything guarded by magic. Let's just say it's not. Okay. You have the demons who want to eat you everywhere. Yeah. The Dementors are there. Um, Alcatraz anyway.
Yeah. I'm going to go with Alcatraz. Maybe I can fly, right? Like I tried, he couldn't do it. Maybe I can. Maybe you never know. You never know until you try it. So it's my turn to talk about. You're going first. Now I thought, you know, what is a prison? Okay. The concept of a prison. A prison. Why are you doing this? Cause I'm talking. I'm giving a speech here. Monologue. I'm Jessica. Let it happen. A prison is right here, right here. And now we are a prison. We are imprisoned by this pod.
Oh my God. I am. You are imprisoning me. You are locking me in a cage and telling me, do research, take down notes, come in with the story and I'm here to tell you no. He called me at 5 PM today, asking where I was and I was asleep and I woke up and said that, yeah, I can come record. I could be there at six and you're like, yeah, that's fine. Great. See you then. And I was like, cool. And then I was like, Oh my God, I've done nothing. I have no, I'm nothing to go off of.
And I spent maybe like 20 minutes, but it's okay. It's okay. Because we can pivot here. Okay. Okay. Cause in that 20 minutes, I found some interesting stuff that we're going to go into. Sure. Um, and then I have a wildcard that we'll see if, uh, if, uh, I haven't taken up enough time, then we play it. Okay. So I found some prison stories on our slash ask Reddit and they asked yo people in prison or were in prison or guards in prison. What's the crazy story you have?
I mean, there are probably some really fucking crazy stories. There are some wild ones. Uh, unfortunately a lot of people in or used to be in or the guard of a prison. Um, usually don't use Reddit. I don't think so. Slim pickings. Oh, there's a lot of lame stuff. All right. A lot of lame stuff. A lot of rape. Didn't really want to talk about rapes. Yes. So here we go. This guy did 13 months in prison and then an additional nine months for violating his parole. This is his story.
We'll call him Hank. So one morning, Hank slept in. He woke up and prepared his customary mocha Chino, which is one spoon of instant coffee, three spoons of hot chocolate and one spoon of powdered cream. That's his mocha Chino drinks it every morning, except this morning he woke up a little late. So he rolled up a cigarette. I guess he has his own rolls and tobacco and whatnot.
Okay. He went outside and he wanted to sit down, smoke a cigarette and have his mocha Chino and so that's what he was doing as he lit his cigarette. Another inmate came running past him screaming. This inmate was completely nude and bleeding profusely from all sorts of places. Oh, no. He collapsed by the outdoor basketball court. He died right there on the ground. About 30 feet away from Hank. Apparently, Hank got the story from his friends.
The man was stabbed in the shower many times because he made a grave mistake. What was it? He made two phone calls in a row while other inmates were waiting in line to use the phone and for that he paid with his life. Jeez. He's dead and Hank watched it happen. He probably thinks about it every time he makes himself a mocha Chino. You think he even drinks them anymore? Probably. It sounds good. Now I'm going to try it. Fuck it. Right. I got all those ingredients.
I don't think I've powdered cream, but I can buy some pretty cheap. Yeah, I'm going to do it. I'll make a mocha Chino just to be really bad. Sounds pretty gross. Anyway, he said that was the worst thing that happened to him in his 22 months. He also said though, that apparently someone up above had mentioned that they're the prison nachos were the worst thing that they experienced. And he says, Hank says, um, that they are wrong. That the prison nachos were absolutely amazing.
And he said that he still makes them to this day prison nachos. We'll have to, we'll have to look up a recipe we should on how to make prison nachos next. So this person says that they never, they have never been to prison themselves, but they're a medic. Okay. And they do, you know, works in several large prisons in the area. Okay. And it goes around like an empty or something. Probably something basic. Sure. Um, but these are a few things that he recalls being as wild.
A guy's eyeball was destroyed after being hit in the face repeatedly with a slock. What's a slock? I'm glad that you asked. Is it a clock in a sock? It's a padlock inside of a sock. More commonly known as slock. Uh, he also saw a prisoner, uh, who chased a football into the concertina wire. I didn't know what that was. So I looked it up. It's the it's barbed wire that the swirlies. Oh, yeah. Apparently it was kind of low. He ran into it and threw it.
And it say, he said that, uh, he looked like he had been through like a wood chipper, like his whole body was just sliced to shit. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't say if that guy died or not. Anyway. Um, he says that his favorite though was that a couple of dumbasses found a rattlesnake out in the yard and they thought, cool, let's play with it. And so they did. And two of the inmates were bitten and had to be airlifted out of the prison to the nearest hospital.
Wow. Yes. But I was, uh, I was very excited to learn slock in my research. That is a, that's new to my vocabulary. Yeah. I thought it was really cool. Uh, next one. So this guy did time and Rikers Island, which is like the prison off of like New York. Okay. Um, so he says that the guards bring a white inmate into the housing unit and they tell everybody that he was charged with molesting a six year old black boy. Oh, yes. Then the guards leave one black inmate.
This is his words, uh, tells the newly admitted inmate that the kid he molested was his nephew. What was it true? I have no idea. I doubt it, but maybe you never really know. Anyway, um, this makes the, the white guy, um, the molester, uh, super terrified. Well, yeah. Uh, and they tell him, um, strip naked and run around the dorm. Right now. I read about this before. Um, some prisons have a more of like a dorm type thing rather than like cells.
They'll have like, like a room with like bunk beds all around and like 24 people live in that room, like a dorm. So he had him strip naked and run around the dorm as he was running around. All the inmates began punching, kicking and tripping the man. He began crying, but he got up every time and kept going. It's true that he's a pedophile. Good. Yes. He got up every time and kept going. Um, didn't matter if he was tripped and fell to the floor, he would get up and keep going eventually though.
He stayed on the floor in the fetal position. And that was a mistake. Three inmates gathered around him and they kicked him until he was limp. Blood was leaking from his head. And after 10 minutes of this, the guards came in, they dispersed the crowd and carried the now bleeding inmate out on a stretcher. Oops. The guard said we mistakenly placed him in general population instead of ad sec. The special administrative security, basically like the place where you're not going to get hurt. Right.
Yeah. The guards were like, oops, we put him in the wrong spot. Typical mistake. It happens sometimes. Sometimes it does. Okay. Here we go. Next one. Another medic. So not a prisoner. Okay. But this person, we'll call them John, uh, worked in a prison clinic for a few weeks while they were in med school, uh, under the mentorship of the prison, uh, general practice doctor, doctor or whatever. Yeah. Um, so one guy came in for a routine visit. He had had a colostomy. Do you know what that is?
It's basically like, it's like, you can't, you can't poop anymore related. Yeah. Like you can't really poop anymore on your own or like they're going to bag. So you have a stoma that's like attached to the side of your body now. Yeah. So instead of going into your bowels, where it would normally go, it goes directly into the bag. Yes. Um, so someone who had that came in one of the prisoners, um, they said they did their physical, nothing unusual.
Uh, the guy was about to leave when the doctor, uh, who was mentoring him said, Hey, check out his colostomy real quick. The guy, the prisoner awkwardly peeled part of his bag off and he has large red blisters that were seeping fluid around his colostomy stoma. Totally confused. The guy, the prisoner said he's fine and he left the doctor. Why would you just say he's fine? He didn't say he was fine or the prisoner said he was fine and left the prisoner was like, I'm fine. It doesn't matter.
And he left. Okay. Okay. So this student is now like, what the fuck looks at the doctor. Dr. Shrugs at him like, yeah, no biggie. Later that day, at the end of the day, when they're doing their notes and stuff, uh, he asked the doctor, what the fuck was that? Apparently the other prisoners like to fuck this man's colostomy hole. What? And he had gotten herpes in his colostomy hole from the other prisoners. Oh, they fuck his colostomy hole. Because it's less gay. I don't know. It's not.
I mean, I have no idea. It's just as gay. This man doesn't shit out of his asshole. That's the cleanest asshole in that prison. Right. Why wouldn't you be fucking that? Why are you fucking his nasty dirty little shit hole? You know what I mean? It's a way to humiliate him more. Yeah. Rough. Ouch. Rough. Yuck. Don't, didn't you hate that colostomy hole, a colostomy hole. Should we Google one? No. Do you want to see one? Please actually. So I'm going to go and we're going to put safe search off.
Obviously. At this point, if you've shown me thundercats porn, I can look at a colostomy hole. Okay. This is a, this is what it looks like. This is like best case scenario colostomy hole. Okay. That's kind of what it looks like. It's part of the intestines. Yeah. It's just kind of like sticking out of your body a little bit. It kind of looks like a, um, damn, what's it called? Uh, when like the anus comes out of the asshole. You know what I mean? Uh, prolapse. Yes. A prolapsed anus.
Yeah. It kind of looks like that. It does. It does look like a prolapsed anus. Look at that. Not as bad, not as, uh, inflamed, but yeah. Anyway, dudes, fuck that. And one dude gave it herpes. That's disgusting. Yep. Terrible. Um, I was going to go on this whole thing about how, uh, TV shows and movies just can't get prison, right? Um, but I think, I think I'm good. I think I'm all right with the lack of colostomy whole fucking and, you know, prison related shows and movies.
Now that it's out there though, you know, it's going to be in something. HBO is going to have an intimate scene where a man fucks someone, some other man's colostomy hole, or maybe even like orange is the new black. You know, they like finger the other girls colostomy hole. She like scissors it. I'm assuming scissoring involves like a lot of body work. You know, I mean, I guess. Like a belly dance. Not sure. Maybe. Um, that's foul. Yeah. That's really disgusting, right? Absolutely vile.
Yeah. Terrible. What if Terry had a colostomy hole? Oh, okay. And he asked you to go down on his colostomy hole. Would not. Obviously. Like, I just, for me, it'd be like, I don't even know why you're asking me that. It's probably really painful, right? I'm not sure. Or do you think it just doesn't hurt? It just feels kind of weird. It's just not the typical place. A lot of nerve endings would be. I'll have to, I'll have to do a little more research.
What does it feel like to be fucked in your colostomy? If a hard Dick is going in and out of a hole in your side, that's probably not great. I imagine that is painful. Now it's got herpes. And now it has herpes. Spooky tales, everyone for spooky season. Perfect. Wow. Um, so we're gonna, we're just gonna end it there. It's break time. There for me, we'll go on break and then we'll, we'll bring it back. Yeah. Break time. Cool. I'm going to look up colostomy whole porn. I don't want to see that.
You might, if it exists. I'm okay. I'm really all right. I'm going to do it. Did I tell you about the time I accidentally found shit porn and I didn't know it was shit porn. So we're all talking. I can't remember. Someone made a comment about ice cream or something and I found what looked like a video of a guy with his head underneath.
So you know how, when you go into a seven 11 and you want to serve yourself ice cream or a slushy, there's like a little lever and you have to pull the lever down. Yeah. It kind of just like like that, like a soft serve server. And you just like, you just catch it in the cup. Yeah. You swivel it. Like that's what it looked like. Men cheese. But it looked like there was a man with his mouth wide open catching what looked like chocolate soft serve to me.
And it wasn't and the asshole was cut out of the gift. So I didn't know what it was. And so I sent it to the group and before I know it, Lyle has filled the chat with like just gibberish together. So that you can see it anymore. And I was like, what happened? Yeah. I had it explained to me what that actually was. I mean, did you think it was soft serve? I thought it was ice cream. Yeah. No way. I had no clue. Is your phone ringing? Yes. Put it on my leg. So you don't fucking hear it.
Just wanted to let you know. And I was scared. I was scared to put it on my leg because I had it on my leg when I was driving over here and it must have slipped and fallen and was sitting right on my crotch. Okay. Sure. And then it vibrated. I bet it was. And it vibrated the head of my penis and I got scared because I didn't think that my phone was anywhere near my penis and it buzzed on me. And I thought there was a bug on my penis and I almost crashed.
I was like, ah, like jumped up and it was my phone right there. And Danny had texted me. That's funny. Yeah. It was terrifying. Did you text you to tell you I went live before we were going live? No, I was in the shower and she was, she was like, Hey, Jess is live. And I was like, I was like that bitch. I told her to wait. She's fucking dead to me. Did you know that the United States has more people in prison than like anyone else? I didn't actually. Yeah. I didn't know that.
Mind you, we're also compared to every country in Europe, which is basically, you know, if you, if you bunched up every single country in Europe, it's still a little smaller than the US. So like take that into consideration. We're really big. Sure. But still we're just as big or we're smaller than China. That's true. We're smaller than Russia. Right. We got less people than India. Okay. More people in prison.
Wow. Crazy. You know, I could see myself ending up in prison if I bought a product and it wasn't good quality. Oh, you would do something prison worthy. I just think I might, but I know I won't because you know, who would never do that to me? Who? Our sponsors. That's right. We'd like to thank till to tinker Woodcraft and wizardry. They are a company that makes Woodcraft products like plaques with all sorts of hilarious sayings and coasters with sarcastic twists.
All of that dry humor is mixed in with dungeons and dragons accessories like dice towers, dice, dungeons, and DM screens. Everything is made here in the USA. Yes. A family owned business. They use American wood in American hands. Nice. You can visit their website at tilted tinker.com. Reach out to them at info at tilted tinker.com. They are tilted tinker on all their social medias. That's tilted. T I N K E R. So while ago I watched this episode of oranges, the new black.
Nice. It's that prison show on Netflix with all the, all the chicks banging each other. Sure. I haven't seen it, but I heard it was good. It's actually pretty good. Pretty funny. I didn't really enjoy the last like season or two, but everything up to then was really good. Okay. I enjoyed it. I think you would too. Um, but anyway, you're, you're erasing the whole point of this. Oh, I'm sorry. Episode. Um, these women, they made some prison. Hooch, hooch, hooch. You don't know what a hooch is.
It rhymes with cooch. It's not a cooch related. No, no. Uh, prison hooch is they basically get like fruit and other ingredients and put them in a bag and then bury the bag. So that it ferments and they turn, they make out their own alcohol. All right. That's some hooch and these women were drinking their hooch and they got really drunk and they were super hungover the next day. I hate it when that happens. Because they could have prevented that.
If one of their loved ones had just snuck them in to prison, some party patches. They are an affiliate of ours. A wonderful one. A vitamin infused patch that you stick anywhere on your body. I stick it on my arm. Where do you stick it? Jacob? Also on my arm. Oh, I'm surprised by that. Go to three shots in.com. Click the link for party patch. Jake. Yeah. You know, when you're in prison, you can't really pour a lot of liquor. Almost none.
Unless you know someone who's baking some hooch and it's not good. It's never good. It's probably not great, you know, to put fruit in a bag and bury it and then drink the hooch afterwards. Yeah. I bet people who are in prison wish they could pour more liquor. I bet they do. And now they can just by going to three shots in.com and clicking the link to pour more, they will deliver a bottle of liquor to your door. They have all sorts of different packs you choose from. They got your whiskeys.
They got your. Burbins. Mezcal. They got your mezcals. Gotch. Your tequilas. I know. If I was just out of prison, I would want a full bar of booze. Yeah. A wide selection and you can with poor more go to three shots in.com and follow the link there that will let poor more know that we sent you. So I've been really into watching these like dystopian movies. Okay. You know, you know, Mad Max. Uh, I just watched blade runner 2049, like that sort of thing. You know, it was very cool.
Sure. Very into it. I've been wanting to play cyberpunk again, but I'm waiting for them to put out the big old patch. That's in another week, isn't it? Yeah. Another week, but you didn't have a dystopia. It's in my head and I wanted to watch a movie with it and I found one. I found a list of all these dystopian movies and like one of the higher ranked ones was this movie called snow piercer. I've seen it. Holy fuck. Was that movie fucking terrible? Yeah. Terrible.
And not only did I have the internet telling me that it was a great dystopian movie, people have told me that it was a fantastic movie. One of their favorite movies ever. So let me just be clear. Is this the one with the train where the poor with Chris Evans? Yeah. Where the poor people are in the back of the train and the rich people are in the front of the train and they're going through a mountain range. That's got all this snow.
Yes. Yeah. In my opinion, it was water world, but it's cold and you're on a train. That's what I would compare it to. Yeah. Cool concept. Poor execution. Very poor execution. Anthony Hopkins. He seems like a real nice guy. I don't think he's nice. I think that's where, I think that's where we're off. I don't think he's nice at all. Seems nice to me. Gordon Ramsey also seems nice. Gordon Ramsey would be a good time to hang with for sure.
You really think Gordon Ramsey would be a better time to hang with an Anthony Hopkins? I don't. Gordon Ramsey's got that ADD going. I feel like we would have fun no matter what, you know, I don't understand. What do you mean? He'll just bounce around topic wise. Anthony Hopkins doesn't have that he's patient and he's bored with me. It sounds like what you're saying is that you would be stupider than Anthony Hopkins. I didn't say I would be stupider because that's not a word.
He wouldn't have a lot of patience with you for being more stupid. And that, that would be the reason why he didn't have fun with you. And because he wasn't having fun, you would somehow be able to tell and therefore also not have fun. Is that what you're saying? No. I think I'd have a lot of fun with Anthony Hopkins. I'm sure you would. I think so. I can say monogamous without any trouble. Fuck you one time. Jesus. It was like two. One recording. Can you say it right now? Monogamous.
That was great. Thank you. You're so smart. I know. You would probably also have a great time with Anthony Hopkins. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so. That's the break. Yeah. It's all said and done. I'm going to spin the wheel. Your time to be executed has come. Oh no. What is your final meal on death row? So you get to choose, right? It's called a last meal or something. Yeah. Yeah. What do you, what is it? You get to choose whatever you want. I know what I want.
Um, good coffee with a good creamer, French toast, bacon, and, uh, over easy eggs. That's it. Yeah. Basic, basic. You can ask for anything you want and they deliver. Okay. Okay. I want a pumpkin pie from Costco. Oh, you can't get that specific. That's what I'm getting. That's what I asked for. I mean, are you sentenced to die during the fall? I am. Oh, then they can probably do that for sure. I think so too. Yeah. That's it. That's what I want. Idiot.
I want the spread of the like old diner breakfast. Okay. Oh, you're also going breakfast. Oh, absolutely. I'm getting pancakes, French toast, hash browns, sausage, and bacon. I want that bacon crispy because that's how they do it at them diners. I want country potatoes. Oh yeah. Home fry potatoes. I want, uh, scrambled eggs. Well done. I know I'm a weirdo about that, but it is weird. I want them. I want those. Oh, a Denver omelet. Um, not a big fan of the omelets. Really?
So I would pass on that. Pass on that. I changed my answer. I'd do the same thing you did, but with all the good stuff that you're not saying. You know, like when like you go to like those diners, you know, and they're all white people, but they make like huevos, ranch arrows. Yes. And they're so good for some reason. They're bad at every other kind of Mexican food, but the breakfast food, they do. Sheila keyless are always fucking bomb there. I want it all.
Yeah. And I will do my damnedest to eat all of it. Yep. I'll make myself sick. I don't care. Yeah. Who cares? I'm about to die. Yeah. Oh no. I'm going to have a sore throat tomorrow. Don't worry about it because you're going to be dead. You know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. That's, that's what I want. The spread sourdough toast with like not enough butter on it. Just like you get at the diners. That's what I want. Or too much depending on where you go in Texas.
Yep. I want little packets of Smucker's jam, grape and strawberry. Great. I'm not going to use it, but I need it on the table. Give me every selection of sugar and every sugar substitute. I'm only going to use one, but I'm not going to tell you which. Yes. I want maple syrup, blueberry syrup, strawberry syrup, all right there on the table, but I'm only going to use it. I'm only using maple. Absolutely. Nice. That's how we're doing it.
I want, I want fresh fruit and by fresh, I mean out of a can strained into the cup that I'm ordering. That's what I want. That's my last meal on this earth. That'd be awesome. Those are good choices. I really want breakfast food. I've been watching. Um, there's these videos on Facebook, I think.
Okay. Uh, this guy is like a line cook at like a shitty diner and he puts a GoPro on his head and he just, you know, starts cooking and dude, I watch him do like the most disgusting thing that why is he posting this? Right? Like he's literally like wearing gloves, like cooking or whatever. Cause you're going to eat it anyway.
Reach it like cracks eggs into a bowl, reaches in to grab the shells out and then like scoops up other people's food, grabs bacon with the same hand and like puts it on the plate and serves it or whatever. And I was like, I'm so disgusted by his actions, but also like, oh my God, everything he makes, everything he makes is just perfect. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Anyway, I really want breakfast. So sounds great. Yeah. Anyway, it's time for my stories. It is your prison prison stories.
Yeah. I've got some doozies. I think you said something about your doing like prison murders. That's exactly what I'm doing. Like murders that got someone wound up in prison. No, no people who were murdered while they were in prison. Oh, yeah. Oh, they don't murder nicely in prison though. No, they never do. It's never just like, like a bullet to the head. Nope. You know, they don't got bullets. If they do, they don't use them. It's never like, you know, something nice. No, it's never nice.
It's always brutal. It is. Anyway, we begin first. Okay. With Leslie Bailey. A woman. No, a man. Oh, that's unfortunate. Yeah. This took place in England in the 1980s. Leslie was involved with three accomplices in the kidnap, torture, rape, and murder of a young boy. Oof. Big oof. See, and I love these because he's probably going to get it rough, but also like had it coming. So are you mad? I don't know.
So that was one boy, but they were all suspected to have done the same thing to eight others. Oh my God. He chose of course, to be segregated from other inmates for his protection after his imprisonment. But October 19th, 1993, he was strangled to death by Michael Caine and John Brooks, fellow inmates. Michael Caine. Michael Caine. He got him. Who were believed to have acted out of retribution at the request of the families of the victims. Oh, that's kind of badass. Kinda.
Yeah. Michael Caine specifically, uh, had his, was it, it was probably Caine. I think had his, um, life sentence reduced by 10 years. Ironically, after this happened, no way, there was no explanation given, but this happened right after he did this for the state. That's what he did. Maybe. Dang. The warden asked him to do it. Maybe. Oh, next up, Mitchell Harrison. Okay. Also England, October 1st, 2011. Okay. Mitchell was serving for the rape of a 13 year old girl. Oh, that's brutal.
It was, but he was murdered by inmates, Michael Parr and Nathan Mann. They lured him into a cell and within a few minutes, sawed his throat with a plastic cafeteria knife and slashed it with a razor, stabbed him in the eye with a pen, then ripped open his belly and disemboweled him. Oh my God. This definitely wasn't retribution. These were just two equally sick individuals.
Okay. Nathan Mann was serving 24 years for breaking into a nursing home and suffocating one elderly woman in her sleep, then punching another to death. While she also slept, Michael Parr was sentenced to life for trying to suffocate a fellow patient at a mental institution. But can you, can you just read how they killed him again? They sawed his throat with a plastic cafeteria knife and slashed it with a razor.
They stabbed him in the eye with a pen, then ripped open his belly and disemboweled him. Yeah. The two of them fan and fantasize together about beheading and disemboweling fellow prisoners. Nathan Mann specifically had a history of quote cannibalistic urges. What they intended to do after disemboweling him was to cut out Mitchell Harrison's liver and split it between the two of them to eat, but they decided not to after his body was open.
Well, because they probably accidentally like cut his poop shoot. And now there's poop all over everything. Maybe not sure. That is brutal. Yeah. That is a, that is a James Wan fucking death right there. It's rough. That is a Rick Roth death. Jesus Christ. Superbad. Next, Charles Schmidt, AKA Smitty. Smitty. Smitty. I like, I like that name. Tucson, Arizona, 1964. Okay. He was a young man at that time, considered wealthy, popular and charismatic.
He was obsessed with his appearance and he was a very short guy. So he wore cowboy boots filled with newspaper and crushed beer cans so that he appeared taller. You do what you got to do, man. He wore also several layers of makeup, including a mole that he painted on. He even pinched his lips with clothes pins so that his lips looked poutier. Wanting to look, you see more like Elvis Presley, who was very, very big and hot. Yeah. You know, he was hot. Right.
Then he was considered wealthy, but he lived completely off of his parents. Ah, okay. I mean, that's fine. Sure. Like I wouldn't do it, but also like, I'm not going to, you know, bat my eye at other people doing it. Now, um, Smitty. Yeah. He was a ladies man. Women went literally crazy for him. Okay. May 31st, 1964. His girlfriend at the time, along with a friend, lured a 15 year old girl into an isolated desert area so that he could, he and his friend, the male friend, could rape and kill her.
The rape was done by him and his friend, but the killing was done by Smitty. He did this with a jagged rock he found in the desert. His girlfriend and his friend then helped him bury her body simply because he wanted to know what it felt like to kill someone. I mean, that's a fair, a fair thought to have. Maybe don't act on it. Lots of people think it. Yeah. It's very different to do it. Right.
So sometime later, he made the mistake of confessing this to another girlfriend of his another 15 year old girl named Gretchen Fritz. Why is he dating 15 year olds? I don't understand. What do you mean by that? Is how old is he? You said he was young at the time. Yeah. Why is he dating 15 year olds? What do you mean? Smitty is gross and a murderer now. Yeah. You know, super disgusting. I also, I just suspect that the age of consent was just different at this time. In the sixties. Yeah. Not sure.
I guess I'm, I'm, I'm not positive. So Gretchen, she was 15. He made the mistake of telling her that he murdered this other 15 year old girl and Gretchen, she wasn't really phased by it. Okay. But she did use it as leverage. She blackmailed. She threatened that she would tell the cops if he ever left her. I mean, that's kind of romantic. You think so? Sure. Okay. Well, he didn't like it. So he strangled her to death. And then he did the same to her 13 year old sister. Oh, fuck.
Yeah. Kind of a severe response. Yeah. I mean, they could have been Bonnie and Clyde, you know, she was fine with it. Just didn't want him to leave her. It's true. Anyway, he convinced another friend, Richie Brunns, to help dispose of their bodies, but Richie eventually went to the cops, not out of guilt, so far as I could tell, but out of concern that Smitty would kill his own girlfriend. Cause he was, you know, a lady killer. Uh, now in the literal sense. Yeah. Got three under his belt.
Smitty was sentenced to life. Eventually after three failed escape attempts. Okay. Um, he kind of developed a reputation in prison. He really annoyed the shit out of the other inmates. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it didn't bode well for him. March 20th, 1970 Smitty was stabbed 20 times and then viciously beaten by two other inmates. He lost an eye and a kidney and then died slowly over the course of 10 days. Oh, fuck. He survived 20 stabbings. A brutal beating.
Lost his eyeball losing an eyeball and a kidney and a kidney. That means his kidney like ruptured. Yeah. Fucking yikes. And then he died after 10 days, not a pleasant death, but at the same time, you murdered a bunch of people at the same time you had it coming. Smitty last on my list. Okay. These are, these are rough deaths. So yeah. Um, the death of this next guy, it's not rough, but the things he did before he died, those are pretty bad. Okay. In fact, well, we'll get into that later.
Okay. Rock Thierry. His name is Rock. His name is Rock. Well, I'm sorry. It's in French Canada. So his name is Rook. Rook. Yeah. Yeah. This was in Canada in the seventies. Uh, Rock is on the list of Canada's most infamous criminals, actually. I mean, how hard is it to make that list? You know, I mean, if you're comparing to this guy, it's probably pretty difficult. It's based off of this. It sounds like Canada's list of infamous criminals is comparable to America's. Uh-oh. We'll get into it.
Okay. Rock was the leader of a cult he called the Ant Hill kids. He has a cult. He's a cult leader. That's fucking awesome. Let's just keep listening. In the Ant Hill kids, he played the role of dictator, prophet and doctor. Dope. All female cult members were considered his harem. Typical. He had children with most or all of them. Some disciples were forced to cut off their own fingers with wire cutters, not as punishment, but to prove their loyalty. Practical, but harsh. You could say that.
But if that's just to prove their loyalty, you can kind of imagine what the punishments were. Oh God. Did he make them like eat their own penises? It got pretty rough. And we'll talk about that a little bit too. Okay. So originally Rock was sentenced to two years in prison for the death of his two year old son, Samuel. Uh-oh. I'll remind you, he was a dictator and a prophet, but he was also a doctor. Uh-huh. Samuel died not just from the effects of being beaten, but also a botched circumcision.
Just don't circumcise it. Like if you don't know how to do it, just don't. It still works. Rock, after the death of Samuel, blamed cult member Guy Vere for the death of Samuel and forced him to agree to be castrated by Rock himself. Oh, he is cutting off their cocks. And he did. Dick and balls. Not sure. Okay. So the second murder on Rock's record was. And he died the castrated guy or is the second murder meaning like first was his son. The first was his son.
Okay. Okay. He blamed someone else castrated him. Um, not sure what happened to Guy Vere. The second murder on his record was an infant, his own, that he abandoned outside in a blizzard. Seen a theme. Yes. Third murder though, was of Solange Bualard. She'd been complaining of stomach upset. Okay. Well, luckily she has a doctor to go to. Exactly. And Rock, he knew just what to do. He was pretty sure it was her liver.
Okay. So he performed an enema on her by shoving a plastic tube up her rectum and another down her throat. Then he ordered other members of the cult to blow air in and then suck it back out while he made an incision in her side, pulled out some tissue. Apparently she didn't seem any better after that though. So he had another woman. So her up turns out the tubes had ruptured a bunch of her organs. She died the next day from internal bleeding. Oh my God. That's brutal. Yeah. Don't worry though.
Rock knew just what to do. Okay. Rock was pretty sure that he had the power of resurrection. How sure, how sure was he? Well, he ordered a disciple to drill a hole in her head and then he jizzed into it. Oh my God. That's horrible. It's so awful. The weirdest conclusion to come to, which is why you come to. Whoa. Right. Well, as it happened, she didn't seem any better after that, Jacob. So eventually he was arrested and imprisoned.
You know, that's not the sort of thing you can keep secret for a super long time. I mean, I understand. I understand. Eventually, eventually, you know, the rock goes down in 2011 rock 63 then was attacked by Matthew Girard McDonald, his 60 year old cellmate. He stabbed rock in the neck and then brought the shank to the prison guards confessing immediately. Oh, he essentially said that he just didn't think someone so horrible should still be alive. Oh, that's fair. Right.
I mean, that's totally fair. He already had a life sentence. Yeah. So that's my whole story. Those are. That was, did you fucking tell Terry about that? No. Oh my fucking God. That is, that's one of the worst things that we've ever talked about on this show. That is so well, first he thinks he's going to fucking do surgery on her and to help he's having people blow and suck air out of her body. And apparently that ruptures organs because they shoved them so deep in. Oh my God. That's brutal.
That's brutal. It's rough stuff. But, um, the next topic is cult. That's right. We're talking about cults. I fucking love it. And that's because next time I'm going to be talking about the ant hill rock Thay row and the ant hill kids, the ant hill kids. Yeah. Wow. Whoa. I'm well, now I know that I know what I'm dealing with, I'll have to bring something really epic. Uh huh. So maybe I'll spend more than 15 minutes. Well, we'll see. Okay. Let's spend this final wheel. You're imprisoned.
The guards have taken a liking to you and allow you one luxury within reason. Breakfast every morning. You get breakfast every morning. Breakfast food. You get breakfast food every morning. Oh, uh, internet access whenever I want. Oh, you want like that library pass. I'm going to spend it all just watching shows. Just catching up on Netflix and shit. Yeah. It's tough. It's tough. Like obviously I can't have like a cell phone, you know, that's kind of why I left it vague. I said internet access.
There's a lot of things you could use to do that. Yeah. I would love to have a phone. You know, cause then I could, I know I could text people. I won't text them, you know, like all they'll text me and I'll leave them on red, even though I'm in prison and doing nothing. I could send funny videos to anybody at any time. Yeah. I could send videos, never watch anything. They send me. Yeah. It's like I do now. I can watch all my shows right there on my phone, you know, Oh, and are you kidding me?
Do you know how much shit, you know how much people would pay me so much prison cash, which like, maybe that's like commissary goods. Maybe it's like commissary money. Maybe it's cigarettes, whatever it is. Right. Whatever the going cash flow is because I could charge them to watch porn on my phone. Oh, nice. That's a good call. Yeah. I wouldn't care to do that. I just think it's a good call though. Oh dude, I would sell that porn, you know, porn peddler.
I don't think I'm going to choose a phone. I think I'm going to choose instead of a phone because really the only reasons I'm using the phone is for entertainment, right? I'm not texting people, not calling people. I don't care about that. I think I'm just going to get a TV. Just want a TV. You know, maybe I'll change my answer, but I want, I want my TV angled so that no one in my, no one outside of my cell can see it. Only I can in my cell, right?
Okay. That way no one can watch TV unless I allow them in and I can make them pay that way. And then I can also watch TV in the middle of the night and have the volume on and everyone gets mad at me and I don't care. You'll get murdered though. Yeah. I'm not going to make it long Jess, but I'll have a good time. Okay. Yeah. No, I changed my answer back. I definitely still want internet access because TVs included in that, but so is a lot of other stuff.
Okay. Uh, if you like what you heard, please like rate, subscribe and share this podcast. You can share it with maybe you got family who just got out of prison. Anyone who's been in prison or heard of prisons, go to threeshotsin.com and check out our links to all our affiliates. Those are party patch and pour more as well as tilted tinker. They're well-loved. They are well-loved and they have some special spooky season, uh, products coming out. They do. It's limited limited time.
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