Unearthing the Healing Power of Self-Compassion

As you begin to heal and unpack your emotions , you begin to realize several things that make you unhappy with your illness . I know that when I began to realize how much time I spent away from myself and my family , I was sad , angry and disappointed in myself . I felt that I should have been stronger .

I should have fought harder or done more medically to understand what was going on within me . I didn't research my illnesses . I took what the doctors told me to heart and believed it , because , after all , they're the experts . Right , they have seen this time and again , and I'm no different .

I put my trust in a diagnosis without fully understanding that this would be a lifelong journey for me . I didn't realize that these illnesses can subside for years and then , all of a sudden , just reappear out of nowhere . I can be well for a while and , bam , I'm right back at the beginning of the struggle .

When I decided to take medication , I felt that I would conquer this within a couple of weeks , tell me what I need to do and I move on with my life right . After all , I'm a great mom , wife , daughter , etc . This I can do easily . How wrong was I . It took many years to get to this place of management .

I didn't realize or even accept the idea of how ill I was , and I needed to understand more of what was going on internally . In the beginning , my depression and panic disorder were inseparable , as the doctors like to call them bedmates . I needed to find out why this was happening to me , what was triggering it and what can I do to ease these symptoms .

Healing is not an overnight process . It is a daily cleansing of pain . It is a daily healing of the life . Leon Brown . When I began therapy, I began to slowly unpack issues that I never knew contributed to my illnesses . One big one was I was a people pleaser , and here I was thinking I just enjoyed helping others .

I realized that I was trying to live up to everyone's perception of me , whatever that was . I was trying to live up to the expectations that weren't realistic and it was weighing heavily on me . I never lived for myself , I lived for other people . Those expectations were chipping away at me and wearing me down .

One day , when the fog cleared and I began to see myself clearly for just one moment , I realized that it was going to be OK . I am human and those who instilled those ideals in me only wanted the best for me . They wanted the best life for me and instilled greatness in me . Did it take a huge toll on me ? Absolutely , but I'm going to be OK Now .

I had to take all those emotions and tell myself that in the midst of my mental break , I had done well . I have struggled and cope with mental illnesses while raising my family . Is this an ideal situation ? Absolutely not , but this is what has been given to me and all is well within .

I have raised three incredible human beings and given them what I am praying are the best parts of me and my husband , and it was time to release the guilt , the anger and the time I will never get back and just let it go , heal from it and know that we can only do our best in our worst moments and keep moving forward .

How do I know you're going to be okay ? Because this is where you work on forgiving yourself and giving yourself some compassion and more grace . Mental illness was a whole new world for me back then . I knew of it and knew of couple of friends who suffered , but I never really understood it .

I just knew of the stigma that came with it , but no one discussed it . Maybe that's why, I never thought that I would personally have to cope with it and learn to manage it myself . A friend of mine said she had panic attacks , but she never talked about it in great detail as to what actually happened when she had them .

She just said oh , I can't drive across bridges anymore or I feel claustrophobic at times , but we never really discussed medications or anything like that . Another friend was manic depressive , but she too never discussed it with me . I was one never to pry , so I never fully understood what it was .

I just didn't think about it until I had to deal with it myself . I went through denial , I was in disbelief and I didn't want to deal with it . I was going into my third year of being diagnosed , realizing that my doctor was right and that this would be the toughest battle that I would ever have to deal with .

The battle of your mental state is one no one can fight for you . This is the battle that only you and your beliefs can win . I began to research my illnesses for the first time . I began to ask the hard questions .

I gathered the nerves to talk to my friends who were in a better place to talk about their illnesses with me , and asked them what worked for them and what didn't . I began to understand that this is my new life now and this is going to be with me , maybe forever . I have to learn to deal with the setbacks that may happen .

I have to deal with the days when I may be knocked off my butt and in bed for a week or more . I had to learn to listen to my body and understand my triggers , which are signs of distress in your body that tell you to slow down and rest for a while .

I had to learn to watch what I eat , what I tell myself , be mindful of how much I'm moving and grooving daily . This was my new normal , a normal I never had to worry about before and had to become okay with what this has taught me and give myself some grace , knowing that today may not be a perfect day . But guess what ?

Tomorrow is another day to have a go at it , right . Once you get to the place of accepting where you are in your mental wellness journey , you will learn to give yourself more grace .

You will understand that there aren't many perfect days . You may not journal , meditate or log your food today . You may not wake up when you should or even get out of bed . Your family may still not understand what's going on with you and you know what They probably never will , and that's okay .

We're not going to sit around and try to explain how we're feeling or not feeling today . We're going to keep moving and grooving the best way we can , moving things around to the next day , next week or even next month , while giving ourselves a spoonful of compassion and a little bit of grace . Mindful moment .

In today's conversation we talked about the healing power of self-compassion . Once you begin to understand and accept the fact that this is a new journey for you to this thing called wellness , you may not get it right . There'll be a few setbacks , and that's okay , as long as you keep moving and grooving to understand that this isn't a race .

This is your new way of living . Take baby steps and I mean baby steps one day at a time , and remember to give yourself some grace . I hope you have enjoyed this week's conversation . I'm your host , Shannon Martin . Join us next where I reintroduce myself and talk about why I created this podcast, This Thing Called Wellness .

If you enjoyed today's episode , please share with someone you think would like to join the conversation . Disclaimer I am not a licensed mental health professional . The information provided here is for general information purposes . It should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice , diagnosis or treatment .

If you need help , please consult a qualified mental health professional .