#609 - Chris Distefano

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Today's guest is a stand-up comedian out of New York City. He's performing this Thursday at the Madison Square Garden Theater on 9-11. I'm thankful to have him back in studio, the recently engaged Mr. Chris DeStefano. You're pretty good. Yeah, dude, is racism still alive, do you think? What do you think is really going on with racism? With racism, what I really think is going on is I think that it's turning around.

Now, and now it's pretty much just whites and blacks coming together to be racist against the Chinese. You do? Yeah. So that's what I think is the nice thing about racism is... is we're kind of everybody's teaming up now, you know? And so it's about a common enemy because it used to be white versus black, but that's not at all what it is anymore. And Latinos have been absorbed. up into white and it's everything is just not chinese americans just people from china

Okay. That's where it seems to be going now. Well, some black folks were beating up the Chinese during the COVID stuff. Remember that? That was the big thing. I have a lot of friends, obviously by my haircut, and you've known me for a long time, but I have a lot of friends who are in the NYPD. And I have an honorary police badge just because of the way I look. I was just given one. You know, like some people get like a honorary doctorate, like Bill Cosby, the G, OG. I got an honorary NYPD.

Just because of my look. Oh, I could see you breaking that out like in a men's bathhouse or something like everybody down and mouths open. Yeah. I'm on a big group chat with like 30 cops. And anytime there's like a protest, they'll just they'll just be. They'll just start writing CS. And I'm like, what the hell is that? And they're like, cracking skulls. Yeah. Yeah. Just start coming out. Coughing time. That's what it is. But I think that. Do you really think that? Because racism like.

You know, it's just, it's gotten into, like when I was young, it was like, I don't want to say it was nice or whatever, but it was just, it was easy. It was like, okay, everybody was a certain thing and you kind of got to pick them out and you knew who was going to pick on you type of thing. But then people started getting so mixed. It's like you almost need...

like a calculate you almost you're like what is i you know what i'm only going to be races against a half of this person or a quarter of them it's like it's just too confusing now right well it's too confusing it's like when you started doing fractions when you were like in fourth grade and it's also like everybody is every race and

everybody's every gender and everyone like i haven't even in my own family because you know i got my kids are half white half latino and you know i have a 10 year old daughter and a four year old daughter and there's even division there like my Ten-year-old has chosen to be more Latina, and my four-year-old's chosen to be more white.

That's what's up. And so I'll have my four-year-old multiple times. Multiple times my four-year-old has, you know, because she's there learning. These kids are so damn good on the iPad now. Multiple times my four-year-old has been fully on FaceTime with ICE agents trying to get.

my 10 year old locked up. And then it's like, you know, do you put them, cause I, and I put them in timeout, but you're like, is that enough? And timeout is what the government is trying to put them in. So you're like, is it just like a practice? Like, you know, I think these days for, I think for Latino kids, you got to make timeout intense. Right.

you know, to at least get them ready in case they get picked up. That's what actually, it's funny you say that. That's what I've been implementing in my house. I have a little room in my basement. Alligator Alcatraz. Well, we actually call it Guantanamo Bay. Yeah. And so we have it set.

up. We have like a little video camera there. We put them all in, you know, masks when they go down there. And it's a whole thing to get them set up because the truth is, man, is if one of my children has chosen to be white and one of my children has chosen to be Latino. That's on them. And it caused division with, you know, my wife and I, like I have to now choose, you know, and obviously I choose white, you know, as you have.

I don't, I mean, I think these days I am on the fence, you know, or like, how do you say the fence in Spanish? Bring that up. La fence. You think? That's French. No, you used to. La valla. La valla. She's cute. How old is she? For real, right? We're in Tennessee, so I don't know. What's the age? I mean, I'll say it skews a little. Nothing to drive down here for. I just want to say I love Celsius.

It's not like the old days. I'm going to need some today. Really? Oh, you're not feeling? I'm sorry, man. No, I'm okay. Let's go through some of the stuff you've said already because, yeah, I do think, you know, these days they're picking up so many people for so many things that.

At home, timeout should be more extensive for these kids. It's got to be more intense. You've got to put them under a bright lamp or something like that. You've got to tape their feet to the floor and tickle them. You've got to do things that are going to prep them. Well, yeah, and also, too, I prepare them.

my children you know for because you know for like kidnappings and things like that because with all the Netflix content and just content in general needs to come out you have to think that networks and streamers are going to start to just do things for the content so they will just let a serial killer loose or just pay a dude to just kind of get out there and kidnap kids so they have the story so you have to you know my kids want to get into acting so maybe that's the way

Well, you know, they just started a lot of those PDF files that they're busting over there at Target. You've seen these TikToks? No, that's what the beautiful thing. Have you seen them? I haven't because I've been off social media. I'm not on social. I've went away. I just let my kids go on it.

That's fine. I just let them kind of get all the energy out on social media, let them make profiles, talk to whomever they want, and I'm not on it. Oh, you got to keep the breadwinner safe. Yeah, dude. My brain got to be here.

Um, you know, dude, I was thinking that there, a lot of, uh, the pedophiles that are now, I guess they always, now it's not even cops busting them. It's just like dudes busting them. It's like regular dude. They'll just wander up on a guy and they're like, so who you here to see, you know? And it's just some guy, but the guy has been flirty.

flirting with a child online a hypothetical child the other guy who's busting him has been sitting around pretending to be a child right making sexual advances or

I don't want to say that entirely, but communicating sexually with a hypothetical adult, because at that point they don't know they're online. Which both sides of it, like... definitely the predator is that's it that's a crime the other side also has to be a little bit weird at a certain times like the psyche that happens if all day or six hours a day for four days a week you're sitting there pretending to be a child and

like responding to like sexual advances of adults has to be kind of weird. It's yes. But then they get them to these places and instead of busting them. Now they're doing things where there's physical challenges and they let them go if they can complete the physical challenge. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a genius move because it's like, it's kind of like, you know, American Ninja Warrior meets Chris Hansen.

which is kind of dope. You know what I mean? It's kind of interesting because we have to get to that level. But I think, yeah, unfortunately now everything, you got to know what's content. Everything in some ways is content. So what I like to do is I don't film it. I just do it. for the great...

great or good, is there was a dude in the local Buffalo Wild Wings in the mall near my house. And what he was doing is he was sitting in the stall and he had cameras coming out of his pants up onto his shoes.

shooting up filming up and he would look for little kids when he'd slide the camera he would slide the shoe under and it'd be just taking snapshots and videos of little kids on the toilet so what I would do is I would go in there and I had you know I call it a fake baby penis but it was just my actual

penis that looks relatively, you know, like a baby penis, not circumcised, kind of just there. I actually still have the umbilical cord. It kind of looks like an Audi belly button. Yeah, you've seen it before. Yeah, exactly. So, and I still got the umbilical cord. So I just had them, I would just have them take pictures of my

you know, baby dick and balls. And then we'd bust them like that. And I wouldn't even call the police. It would just be my friends from the group chat. I would just say, it's CS. And they would just start cracking these dudes' skulls. And then that's how we'd get them off the streets because you do got to think, I agree with you, you know, these people that expose.

the pedophiles, it's like you're not a pedophile, but you're also not doing it for the greater good. I think there has to be some weird psychological thing that has to mess with you after a while. Bring up some of those pedophiles that were completing the challenges and stuff. Can you see that?

You're looking kind of beefy, dude, up in the shoulders. Like, you're stronger now. I have been in the gym. I'm feeling tired, though. Do you think you have early stage COVID? What are you tired from, do you think? Bro, I don't. You have to, first of all, fully believe in COVID.

to even get it, I believe. A hundred percent. But they're just getting stronger. That's great. And then they let them back in a lot. It's like, they're just getting stronger. Yeah. Well, they're getting, some were doing hurdles. One guy had to eat like 40 eggs and it's like, okay, now he's. Now you got mad protein and you can grab any kid you want. Well, it's just they're getting stronger. So do you think then the solution is obviously to give the kids guns?

Oh, dude. Would that be the solution? I don't know. I know that's going to happen. Because that's what's going to happen is the first active shooter is going to go in with a plan and get shot by the students right away and just feel like an idiot. What if they had a dude named Guantanamo Bay, right? B-A-E. And he was just like this gay dude in Guantanamo that was just slurping everybody. I'd be like, everything's fine. Dude, I would want to get arrested. You would be that.

You'd be a great guy to be Guantanamo Bay. And I know how to play both sides. I know how to play Latino and gay. Easily. You could do it. I have both dudes living inside me right now. Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, yeah, I think, look, if that's how you feel, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm a, I don't know. I'll tell you how I feel about that. My pronouns are he, nosotros. Wait, nosotros? What's this between nosotros and vosotros? Vosotros means us. And what does nosotros mean? We.

Got it. I think that's it. Oh, vosotros means you. Sorry, I think it's formal. Can you hit that accent? God. Damn, dude. I'll have two kids right now. Yo, do you want kids, man? Yeah, I want some. I want to get into that, dude. But I do want to also ask you, though. Yeah, what did you think about... Oh, they just had that Drewski clip that came up. I want to talk about that. Do you see that? No, but I'd love to see it.

It's cool to not know what's going on in the world at all. And it's also cool to catch up with you and I don't even know what's going on in your life. Well, this is the kind of thing that's happening. We will get into that because I know last time you were here, we had a huge conversation for two hours. It was Valentine's Day. We talked about love. We talked about... That must have been years ago, dude. It was a couple years ago. You've had some...

You've had some big things happen in your life where you have been forced into marriage by a semi-illegal alien. And we're going to talk about that. Yes. We're going to talk about that. But first, I want to talk a little bit more about race and race baiting. Okay. Cross-racial behaviors. right here. This is a clip of a white male, let's see, that Drewski put together. Okay. I think this is a Jason Kelsey impersonation also. Look at this.

Hey, Joanna. Joanna. You need to listen to your Nana. Cedar Point. What is

Do you think that kind of racism happens that much really? Or this is more like in movies type shit. I mean, look, dude, I live in New York, so I don't know what it's like in the South, but I know racism exists. I also know that it's kept alive by the media and the internet and all that stuff because there's so many people that make so much profit off it that you're like, but I mean, I think that's fine. I mean, Drewski doing that is just like a good bit.

But I should be able to then fully dress black. Well, that's where I'm going, right? Because at this point, it's like, yeah, this is hilarious, right? Like, I thought the part with the black dude was great. It's tough to watch because you're like... Is he now perpetuating this thing that I don't think that shit happens, dude. Like, you know what I'm saying? I grew up in areas with a lot of racism. You know, I've dabbled in it. Sure. But I.

I don't see that. I mean, I think you see that shit like in a time to kill an old movie or like, you know, like in the heat of the night, you know, and that's just my perception. I don't even know if a lot of my black friends would say that they see that kind of shit. Maybe they do, though. Maybe I'm completely blind. Maybe. But I think at this point, it's like you could do that. Somebody could do a black face if they wanted to. Right. To create.

humor in it do you think so i mean i guess you can you can try i think you can try whatever you want You could try. I think you do it up. You try whatever you want. I don't have, me personally, I wouldn't do it. Not because of, just because I don't have the comedy behind it. You wouldn't look good as a African-American. Exactly, dude. And I, cause I got a lot of skin tags. So even if I went like. black face or black full body? Because I would most likely just go black chest.

Oh, I go black arms and legs and I get out on the court and I ball. Right. And I would keep the face right, but I got a lot of skin tags and moles and stuff. So it wouldn't look right. But I think every in the name of comedy. I say, give it a try. That's why with Drewski, I mean, that was funny to me. Give it a try. Any white person that's offended by that is just, you know, they're kind of Guantanamo Bay in a way. Yeah.

You know, in a way, dude, everybody's kind of just a little bit sensitive and you really start to feel better about your life. I think ultimately when you come, well. Again, I don't generalize anything anymore. Me specifically, I started to feel so much better and happier when I just got off social media because I was like, oh, the regular, all the racism and drama, it's all happening in the comments of people that...

You don't know. Anybody, I've made a decision in my life, if I don't know you personally, you don't affect me at all, positive or negative. You can tell me how great I am. It doesn't matter. You can tell me how much I suck. It doesn't matter. You could call me any name in the book. Don't care. Unless I personally knew you. If you, Theo Vaughn, was like, hey, Chris.

this you're a or whatever exactly well dude i mean that's that's how we talk man i would just i would just look at my last text from you Yeah, facts, facts. But no, I just think, like, I love this in the name of comedy. I think it's the kind of comedy that's fun and that you need. And I think, like, if somebody were doing something messed up and that is racist, I think you can feel that. Yes.

To me, you can't be racist and funny. It's one or the other. You can't be hateful. You can't be racist and hateful. Hitler wasn't funny. You know what I mean? He was racist, but he wasn't funny. He might have been a little funny, but the racist stuff he was doing wasn't funny. But he could have been funny outside his racism. That I don't know. Did he have a sense of humor? Will you bring that up if Hitler had a sense of humor? Yeah, I think he did.

Nature of Hitler's humor. Hitler's humor was often sarcastic or offensive, sometimes involved pranks directed at his associates. Examples include telling politically charged or racially derogatory jokes at public events and meetings and making light of aggressive or threatening. His jokes tended to reinforce Nazi ideology or humiliate perceived enemies. Well, there's memes online of him and Goering, who was the head of the Luftwaffe, the Air Force, them just laughing.

A lot of times in the group chat, that gif will get sent around with Hitler and Goering just laughing. Well, they're probably off work for a little while. Yeah, I mean, you're not on all the time. A specific example of Hitler's humor is the elaborate prank he played on his foreign press chief, Ernst Humpstengel. Humpstengel. Humpstengel. Putzel.

Hitzer convinced Humpstangl that he would have to parachute behind enemy lines during the Spanish Civil War as part of a dangerous mission. Humpstangl, terrified and confused, spent hours circling the German countryside by plane before the pilot revealed the truth and landed safely. another account concerns Hitler's cold willingness to use jokes to humiliate or intimidate others for example Hitler reportedly joked with

Erwin Goring. Goring is the head guy. That to make the people of Berlin happy, he should jump off the radio tower, a joke that became widely told and led to harsh punishment for those who repeated it publicly. That's the thing. I don't know if you've ever done comedy in Germany, but they tell you.

you go to do comedy in Germany, you cannot make fun of Nazis. You can't do any of that. Really? Like you can't make any jokes about it at all. They just don't want to hear about it. They said you could get deported for that. I was like, you mean make fun of it like you mean like don't condone it or like don't make fun of the Nazis because that's what you guys like, fuck with. Like you guys are proud of that. And he was like, it's up to you. Yeah.

It is up to you. Yeah, which sounds a little bit risque right there. Right, yeah. Nazi humor is heavily restricted and can be considered illegal for comedians in Germany, especially if it involves Nazi propaganda, symbols, or Holocaust denial. Right. Due to strict laws prohibiting such content. Huh. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Oh, you know who was about to go to Germany? Jim Jeffries was about to go there. Yeah? Yeah. Did he go? I think he said that he has issues with audiences there. Like he's selling everywhere in Europe except for some reason not in Germany. Well, it seems like they don't have to go there. have the best sense of humor right it seems like because they went through a lot and i feel like but i when i did my shows there i did a show in um munich and

They were having fun, man. Yeah. They were having fun. You just, you, you know, like, you know, you stay away from the Nazi stuff. You don't make fun of them. And if anything all fails, Juden, Juden, which is Jew. Do a bit about that. Really? It's all good. You know what's interesting? What do you say? Juden? Juden. Yeah, I was calling myself Juden Foster. Like Judy Foster. I was like, Juden Foster. And they were laughing at that. Like, God, she's not aged well. Yeah, yeah.

She's on hormones. I do kind of look like a lesbian a little bit, right? You look like the lambs have been screaming right in your face. Yeah, I know. Some people will tell me that. Oh, I was thinking Jodie Foster. That's what I said. Juden Foster. Oh. Yeah. But yeah, Nell from Nell. Remember Nell when she was just like, beans gonna burn on the grill. Her? Born in the world. Nell Carter? Well, no. Nell. Nell. There was a movie, Nell, where she's raised by wolves. And she just has a full bush.

Oh, I don't like that kind of shit. You don't like pubic hair? Huh? When you had to manipulate all those vaginas before you had this comedy career, though, you had to run into some bush. We used to talk about that a lot. I'm not against it. I believe in, like, if I were a time traveler or something, yeah. Right. I'd get used to it. Right.

Because it's only recently. How long did women have bushes for? It's hundreds of thousands of years. The whole thing about women not having bushes just started recently. That's the thing. And who knows what the effect of that is on children. Yeah. Also circumcisions too, like you can cut the foreskin straight off your son's piece and that's kind of a new thing.

You don't know what that's going to do to him? Oh, they're mailing some of those over to those tech lords in Israel. I think they're chomping those. Those are fucking gummy bears for those guys. Because you can be pedophile there. In Israel? Yeah. Sweet. I think you can go there.

I was supposed to go to Chicago tonight. Maybe I'll go to Tel Aviv, baby. You have two kids, dude. You don't want anybody getting the wrong idea. And you're jacked. You're like, oh, this guy's beating three challenges. Yeah, you think so? I had a blueberry muffin today, too.

I put protein in everything. Let me see what this says. Women do not stop having pubic hair. Trends in grooming and styling of pubic hair have changed throughout history, with the 1980s and 1990s bringing a boom in grooming that included styles for being bare. But 2010s and 2020s saw a resurgence of the natural Bush style. Yeah, it's definitely interesting that that kind of took on. Who was the first woman to have bear?

pubic hair like who fully shaved it yeah i mean that's like the first person that had a convertible open you're like whoa yeah the first person to think to shave that It is impossible to definitively name the first woman to have fully shaven pubic hair publicly as it was historical practice long before the advent of modern media and documentation. Okay. So it's been around for a long time. Right. In ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece.

for hygiene status and beauty. Upper-class Roman and Egyptian women, for instance, use tools like pumice stones, razors, tweezers, and sugaring to achieve hairlessness. Wow. So if you had like... A bunch of hair. You had like a 50-pound test rope coming out of there. Dude, would you ever shave your head with a pumice stone? That would look. Dude, do you think he'll shave your head? One day when I have children and once my wife leaves me.

Yeah, that's when you'll do it? Yeah, because then I'll go to court for alimony and be like, oh, he's not doing good. We got to let him keep a little bit of money. Now, is that full? Is that all your real hair? Oh, yeah. Dude, it's crazy, dude. You got great hair. I've been shedding recently this past month, dude. Really? A lot of times people will shed in August and September. So you didn't get that in Turkey?

That's your natural hair. Now, I've had hair taken out of the back and put into the front once. Oh, good. How did that feel? Spaced in. I don't think I needed it. I think I actually was going through a ton of stress, and I lost hair, and then a lot of it grew back. Yeah, and I like that the way it looks with a hat is pretty good, too. You look good. There's somebody out there right now, a woman right there, has bush, has grown out her bush.

And cut it like that. 100%. I guarantee there's a lady out there with pin straight pubic hair. She's probably most likely Asian. They have the straightest hair. And she's made it into that because she's a fan.

you know that would be nice sometimes people come to shows and they'll have like fun wigs on and stuff yeah but if you had a woman that had that just solid hair I mean that thing braided and it just like it looked like a damn the chin of a professional wrestler you know in the 80s or 90s and looking at you

I don't know if anyone's, and stop me if anyone's ever said this before, but you have the kind of look, you have a very unique look where you look like you're from the past, but also from the future at the same time.

Has anyone ever said that to you? Or have you ever thought about that? You look, think about it. Think about it. People watch and take a look at Theo. He looks like, you know, obviously like could be in the civil war, like a civil war painting from the past, but then he also looks like a woman from the future.

Right? I like that, yeah. I look like a black woman from the future, dude. You do. Yo, it looks great, and I'm happy that I'm seeing it now, dude. Hey, sister. Yeah, bro. This bus is late. Hell yeah, dude. Where's my chick? I can't wait. It's crazy, man. I'm happy we're doing this. Oh, dude, we used to have, I remember there would be like...

this drunk black woman where our school bus would go by, she would come in and bang on the driver's side, which is not even a door. It's just a window, right? For the driver of the bus. And she'd be like, where's my check? Like, like that lady was like the bus driver was supposed to bring her government.

money or whatever. I was like, what the fuck is going on? I don't have your check, lady. She yelled at us kids. We'd be out looking at the winner because we'd be curious. She'd be like, tell them motherfuckers I need that money. Right. And were you supposed to have money in your pencil case? We don't have any money. Yeah, dude. We're kids, man.

Yo, you want a bologna sandwich with no crust? You think any of us have money? We all got picked up within the same three blocks on this bus. Yeah. Bitcoin hit an all-time high of $124,000 in August. Which is pretty wild considering that last year at this time it was about $60,000. When I need more Bitcoin or Ethereum, those are the ones I like to trade, MoonPay is always the first app I open.

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Damn, dude. What's going on, dude? You have a show coming up. at Madison Square Garden. Yeah, well, the theater at Madison Square Garden was supposed to be the arena, but then the ticket sales dictated to go to the basement, baby. That's all right. No, you know what happened? I bit off more than I could chew. About six months ago, I said, they came to me, they're like, oh, show on.

on September 11th. Ooh. Yeah. That's lit. That's lit. So they said, you know, want to make it a day. So I said, I had done. 2023, I did Radio City and theater at MSG back-to-back nights. So they were like, let's try the arena, you know, because I'm from New York. Yeah. And then the ticket sales.

They were just not moving. And I had a decision. They were like, look, you could either wait. We see a huge increase in ticket sales a week before-ish. That's the way the trends are now for certain people. Or they were like, you could just pull the plug right now and we can move it downstairs to the theater. And I just said, you know what, man? I'm going to...

I know me. I know my brain. I know my heart. I'm going to carry a lot of stress for six, seven months. And I said, me doing the arena is definitely a goal and a dream. And we'll try again. But a lot of it was just ego. So I was like, move it to the theater. And now the theater is.

all but sold out. And I haven't stressed about it in six months. It's going to be amazing. Family's going to come. And then, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to detonate a suicide vest at, at the end of it. Just take everybody down. You needed some sort of fireworks at the end. Yeah. Also inviting people in.

of the city on 9-11 is a wild move it was a wild move yeah i i made a ton of mistakes but i had a manager back then who had a ponytail so we were making wild moves back then so we're not together anymore he's still my boy but i was like yo dude because he told me

He booked me for this, the arena on 9-11, and then he told me to hold 5 p.m. the same day open because he thought I could do 15,000 seats at a stadium in Forest Hills, Queens. So he thought I could sell 30,000 tickets, and I sold like 2,000. But he said it.

When he was saying it to me, it was crazy because he was obviously on Coke, and he had the ponytail and the glasses on, and he was wearing bathing suit shorts and a button up top, and it was December. And he was eating a fruit cup. Yeah, and he was eating a fruit cup, and he was like, you could do it, baby. He was like, I know you could do it.

I know you could do it. So you get pumped up. And then he put me on this arena tour and then we have to cancel them all. Yeah. So I like him. I respect him for really, you know, swinging. But, you know, we have the same agent. But my agent was like. telling me from the beginning. It was like, this is a dumb idea. And I said, dude, look at him.

He knows what he's talking about. Look at his ponytails. Sleek. He uses herbal essence. And then my agent was like, all right. Dude, the guy has two barrettes in him. Yeah, come on, dude. I was like, look at him. He wears a child's headband. Yeah, dude. This guy is legit.

might fire you and hire him and then after a week of the ticket sales agent was like pull it yeah and then he was like fire the master yeah so so we're still cool that guy and i still i hope he's still alive um but amazing but i'm Get the theater there. But you know what, man? It's one of those things.

And my little daughter taught, well, my older daughter, my 10-year-old, because I was a little bummed about this because it was a big moment in time for me. I was like, oh, daddy's going to get to do the arena. I almost wanted to do the arena at MSG because it would almost set me free because that was my only...

real goal i've ever had to do comedy a lot of guys you know girls babies they do comedy for all their different reasons my only reasons i ever left my physical therapy job was to do the arena at msg and to have a sitcom about my father those are the only things i've ever cared about I almost felt like if I could get that one, it would almost set me free because the everyday stress of this career, sometimes it plays with you. Because you had the sitcom, right?

Well, I had a sitcom pilot. But still. I still have one in development now, so I'm hoping that I could get that one and just fulfill at least one of the two and then set the sights on the arena because I don't know that I'm a guy that does stand up.

forever. I'm not, I'm already mentally being like, it's very difficult for me to go on the road and be away from the family. When I started this, I didn't have a family, but now that I do, I'm like, man, this weighing, so I'm looking for real opportunities to just stay in New York. You know, that's where I live. my kids are and my wife and kids so so but so but my daughter what she told me was

I guess she had just learned it in school. I was like upset when we had to pull the arena because it was like this whole big exciting thing for me. Your daughter was upset? Well, my daughter was. Well, yeah, because I mean, you know, she's got upset because she has to tell her friends in school like my dad's a loser. Right. So she had to say that. So she told him.

that but then she was like but she said she said to me uh when I was upset about it she was like oh it's all right daddy she was like remember in in this life there's no losses just learning and I was like nice that's it Wow, she said that? Well, I say my daughter, but it was actually Giannis Papas, who I do the History Hyenas podcast with. But he looks like my daughter.

Oh, yeah. That's what's up. Yeah. Because my daughter looks like Marisa. Oh. That's it. That was our first word. She went, that's it. Yeah. So me and Giannis, we got the History Hyenas pod. And so. It's back. It's back. bro. We came back about a year ago. Him and I, you know, we kissed and made up. Well, we 69'd each other. And then, dude, this has been some of the most fun I've had doing comedy again because it's...

You're talking with your friend about history, what I love. Oh, yeah. In New York City, which I love. And it's a place for me to stay in New York. And we really just have a lot of fun doing the history. He's so smart.

Oh, well, I learned. That's the thing. I like sitting next to someone where I'm actually learning and laughing. That's it. That's it. I mean, really, the premise of the show is we talk about a history topic, but he typically knows much more than I do, and I'm kind of learning through him and Pepper and Joe.

jokes and all that stuff, but it's, it's great. And, uh, yeah, just getting to see you guys back together is great. Also just being like, I mean, I think you definitely realize as you get older, it's like, you know, having some connectivity, being around your friend is like one of the best things. And this is out every week. Every single week. We come out every Thursday. Awesome. And my message is, if me and Giannis could patch it up, Israel, Palestine, so can y'all.

I saw the tagline actually for History Hyenas Now. It says, two chat GPT sluts. Yeah, because it used to be two Wikipedia sluts. That come see history in a different way. Yeah, that come see history in a different way. Two Chachi BT sluts that come see history in a different way. Yeah, dude. And on our Patreon, I don't know if you guys see Patreon here, but on our Patreon, dude, like we've just been, him and I have been going crazy because basically.

When we first did this show, the rules on YouTube... were different right like in 2017 18 19 youtube wasn't as strict as it is now so we almost are kind of feeling like the show that we used to do for free on youtube is can only exist on the patreon and the show we do on youtube is definitely dope

But we are like, man, dude, we came out and we put out these episodes that we thought were good and YouTube just kept dinging us. So we're like, yo, now we can only have fun on the Patreon. But, you know, for me, man, it's...

I'm solely focused like I have I never had goals in this and I never I was always flying by the seat of my pants really for my whole life but now I'm like so laser focused on Anything I can do to stay in New York City and make as many of pick up and drop offs with my kids as possible, that's what I'm looking for. So like the idea, even if you, you know, somebody came to me and said, I'll give you X amount that'll change your life financially, but it's a world tour, I would say no.

I would say I can't do it. Time has literally become more valuable than money to me right now because I think my kids reach that age where I'm like, oh, when they're little. It's one thing, but when they're older and you're missing everything, you're like, oh, okay, hold on, hold on. What's the priorities here? And you like the kids. Like, I think if the kids hit four, six years old and you're like, uh-uh. Yeah, dude. I got a buddy, his son, right? And bless him.

Bless him. Benjamin, that's my buddy's name, and his son. He named his son fucking Benjamin. I'm like, you fucking loser. He didn't even think about it. what a dick he didn't even think about the wife was unconscious or whatever because the birth was yeah it's a black guy and he's like yeah it was a hot birth and he's like just give him benjamin you know and he goes and i'll change my name and the nurse like no you're not that's not how you do like he thought you could do it like

If he names a kid Benjamin, then he's not Benjamin anymore. I'm like, this fucking guy should not have a kid, right? But yeah, he's at the point now, he's like, dude, me and my kid have nothing in common. I'm like, dude. It's not like you got put with a roommate your first year at Nickel State or something. I mean, you're just doing your best. You have to be the leader in the relationship. But yeah, I think if you get to a certain point and your kid is just like...

You know, he's not doing at least pulling a little bit of weight. It's got to be kind of tough. Well, that's the thing. Well, like I said, my daughters are, you know, they're motivated. As I said in the beginning of the show, I mean, my four-year-old has got.

you know, a point of view. She calls legitimate, says, I'm... racist against latinos and i call ice on my own family yeah for me it's country first and i trust i loved i mean every password on my phone on my key lock any you want to break it to my house or break it to anything i own you want my bin my bank

PIN, password, you know what the only four digits that it would ever be. You know what they are. 0000. 1776, baby. The year of this country. And my daughter, my little one, takes that. And then my older one, you know, like I said, she's more Latina. Extortion. Extortion, gang violence, things like that. And they've picked lanes, which I really respect and love. I like that. But there is a little division because...

Obviously, the older one is pro-Palestine and the little one's pro-Israel. I like that shit. Yeah. Well, I think here's one thing, dude, is a lot of Latinos too. I saw, actually, one of your daughters sent me a picture and the pro-ice one. Yeah. She's had a tattoo on her back that said, this ice don't melt on me. Yes. Yo, for real. It's crazy, right? I know. Dude, she literally, all she wants for Christmas is she asked me when I told her I was doing your pod. She was like, oh, cool. She went.

bet bet bet that's what she mostly says bet bet bet she said bet bet bet and then i said and then and then she gave me like a little piece of paper and Sometimes she can only communicate really with her mom for some reason. Like, I don't understand her words. And she said that when my wife translated, she said, oh, she wants a Charlie Kirk signed CD.

Oh, OK. So I guess because she's American, you know, I don't know if you know Charlie Kirk or whatever. Never met him. I've certainly seen videos of him. I think he's I am impressed with anybody who can think and speak at the same time. And that's one thing that's, to me, has become one of the most impressive things. Guys like him, Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, who can confidently speak at a valid speed and communicate effectively, dude. That's what it is.

When I open my mouth, I am just somebody who's drunk driving my throat. Yeah, but you know. It's very risque. But you know what, dude? Bro, you know what's crazy? We've been doing this for roughly an hour, and you've said risque three times in three different contexts, which I respect and like about you, and I've always liked that about you. Well, first of all, risque also was a urban girl that I went to high school with.

And I hope she's doing well, Riskay Wilson. There was two kids that I went to high school with. They were brothers. Their names were Majestic and Scientific Map. Nuh-uh. Yeah. I didn't go to school with them, but they played basketball in a school around the time I was playing basketball. And those are two interesting brothers' names. I love that. You like that? Yeah, I just love that. I think in black culture, anything could be your name.

That's true. Like we get like one out of about 110 names. Yeah. But in black culture, it could be, it's fucking. Dude, the guy in the Jets was named DeBrickshaw. Yeah. DeBrickshaw Ferguson. His first name was DeBrickshaw. I met a girl heard, uh. Her son was named No Dante, right? She's like, I was going to name him Dante, but I knew he was going to be misbehaving. So I wanted to put no in front of me. I'm like, that's freaking amazing. That's genius, man.

Let's talk a little bit about what's going on in New York. I know right now you guys have mom Donnie. Do you think he'll be able to, he's running for mayor, right? He's probably going to win too for mayor. He is. But that's why I've packed up and left New York city. Really? Well, I live in the suburbs. Okay. So you've already left. Yeah. What's that?

heat up there like what's like what's going on do you notice any of it in the air or not um i think um mom donnie you notice that people are starting the new york post which is the only one i mess with The New York Post really goes after him hard. Oh, they do. So there's a little bit of fear-mongering, I think, amongst the media. I do think that he probably has good intentions, but I think, like...

most of us think is that New York City is a city that you need millionaires and billionaires. And if you drive them all out with the tax hikes, then you're just going to lose the... The city. So I think that's the fear. I think I understand what he wants with.

you know, people should pay their, everybody should pay more fair taxes. I'm all with that. But he, you know, he has an idea of like raising the millionaires tax millionaires, billionaires, like to like a level that they're just, cause I know people, it's easy for people to say, Oh, but they have so much money. It's like,

Yeah, but that's their mindset, how they got so much money. They never thought like that. So you're not going to change some like 55-year-old white dude's mindset. Like he's about that money. So if you want him to stay and keep contributing to the tax burden, you got to make it.

appetizing for him, or he's just going to go to Florida or Tennessee or somewhere else, or she, or they. Well, let me establish him a little bit. So Zoran, he is, what ethnicity is he? Pakistani, I think, is he, or Indian? Zoran. You don't want to mess that up because Pakistan and India are. We don't want to mess with the Zoran. You don't know. No way. Oh, yeah. There's mom, Donnie. He was born in Kampala, Uganda. Yeah. To an Indian family.

Okay, Zoran Mamdani, the Democratic nominee for New York City mayor and current assembly member, centers his politics on affordability social security nets. Freeze rents on rent-stabilized units and triple affordable housing construction aiming for 200,000 new units in 10 years. Increased enforcement against exploitive landlords and established an office of deed theft prevention for homeowners, especially in black.

and latinx neighborhoods alphabet city double funding for public housing preservation yep distribute baby baskets with essential goods and resources to all new york city parents increase new york cinema Increased New York City minimum wage to $30 an hour by 2030. So he definitely kind of has this like for the little man.

Yeah, that's what he's thinking about for the little man, which I respect, but I just don't know if New York City is the city for it. I just, I don't know. I honestly don't. The thing is, I really don't know. All this stuff is above my head. I've just left the city.

All right, so you're out. Well, because— Do you think the city changed over time? My girl wanted to leave, and she's Latina. That's the thing. I think people think like, oh, the media has made everyone think that white people are just the worst, and we're the only ones who— You know, don't want this or that. But it's like, yo, the Latinas, bro. If you've ever put like a Google Translate at a Puerto Rican barbecue. Woo. They're unhappy.

I mean, bro, you'd be like, okay, Senor Hitler. You know what I mean? They go in. Against Israel? Everybody. Oh, they, oh, they, so everybody catches it. Oh, the Latinos have a lot of, uh, they have some racism a little bit. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's good to know. Cause you kind of don't know if they do sometimes, like, you know, there's like black and Latino gang violence, but you don't.

hear much about it otherwise you know dude yeah black guy old school black guy is very racist yeah everybody's kind of racist man yeah you could you could you know well people are tribal too it's like that's what it is tribalism everybody wants to make it all right it's like

You know, there's like there's like a lot of black crime in places like I'm not racist because I don't want to be in some of those places. I got a friend one time who was trying to get me to come to like this clothing shop that they had. And there's a lot of crime there. And it's young black kids attacking people, stealing carjacking and shit.

I'm not, I'm not going or it's like, no, I'm not risk. It's like, that doesn't make me racist. I just want to preserve my own life. I'm just trying to live baby. But, but I think more and more now from, again, the little sense, just, just talking to people, not.

on the internet just like in real life Of every race. More people getting sick of it. More people like, yo, let's move past it now. Not everything's got to be racist, sexist. I think the pandemic, I think it hit its fever pitch and now it kind of broke.

And it's just like people like I'm exhausted by that. Don't don't talk to me about that. Yeah, I agree. I think people see that it's also like this thing that they try to get like different political groups to fight over. It's all a smirk. It's all like, hey, fight over this shit while everything else disappears. You know what I'm saying? So people again, starting to get to know about it now. Yeah.

But I think it's interesting to have guys that are different. I'm always the underdog fan, right? I'm always the underdog fan. Yeah, well, he's not the underdog, though. I think it's pretty clear he's going to win. I mean, you've got Governor Cuomo. Who's running against him, right? who killed all those people in the nursing home. So he keeps trying to get Mom Donnie into a nursing home so he can murk him. Got Curtis Silwa, who's got the beret, which I would vote for him.

I understand, but I can't. He won't take his hat off. Let me see. Bring up Silwa on that. Yeah, Silwa. So that's the problem is Silwa won't take the hat off. So I can't have you as my mayor with that hat on. You know what I mean? If he took the hat off, I think he'd get more votes, but he wears the full suit with that hat on. Oh, yeah. He's kind of like the Muffin Man. Let's get a look. Let's get a little bit more of him. Can we get some audio on him? Yeah.

A Lyft, an Uber, and they are constantly being threatened with perverts who come up to them, sexually harass them. Men, for the most part, don't have that issue. Pat, I'm in all 350 neighborhoods, all 472. of the platforms in the vast city subway system. I'm the only candidate in the subway. What are you talking about? He acts like. What is he? Is he the lord of DoorDash drivers? There's no way he's in all those places, dude. Could you imagine? He looks like Isidore Dash, dude.

like the great chancellor of doordashian dude he and he's just yelling about perverts and hoovers dude they should have a show called keeping up with the doordashians Yo, that'd be crazy, dude. We should make that. Should we pitch that?

Yeah, well, I think we're... Let's just do it. Let's just do it. Keep it up with the DoorDashians. And it's just a family that DoorDashes and they're just pissed about it. They're like, oh, I'm taking these rich motherfuckers on the Upper East Side. It's fucking like, oh, I just delivered Ben Stiller some taste.

your tots, you know? They're just fucking pissed at everybody. They're like, oh, Dershowitz wants his waffle fries shaped into a kid's pelvis, you know? You're like, that seems a little risque. Yo, this is the fourth time. Risque. Oh, it does. Dude, I love it, man. Keep it going. Thank you. Let's get a counter up there. Keeping up with the Dordashians is a hit show, bro. Wow. See, that's what I'm saying, dude. You think your mind is not there. You keep saying your mind needs...

these little mental resets and that's how you're able to get such good bits and you're taking little breaks, which is what more people should do. You take little breaks. That's what I was saying.

This old, that old dude that I was telling you about, about the muffin who told me he doesn't stress about the muffin. He told me he's 98 years old because he takes little breaks. He was like, oh, when you put your kid in the car seat, put in the car seat instead of just going right back to the driver's seat. Close the door. Yell some slurs. Right. Breathe deep. Drive the car into a garage. Shut the door. Keep the engine running. And then you leave. No. He said.

Take a long walk around the car. Take five seconds to breathe and reset. You got your baby safe in the car seat, and then don't just jump right in the driver's seat and start driving. Take five seconds the long way. Find little breaks throughout the day. And that's what you do. You take little breaks. I like it. Like reset-cism instead of racism, reset-cism. Reset-cism. Or like recidivism, but it's reset-icism. I like it.

You know what I'm saying, dude? Thanks, dude. Get a little reset. Reset. I haven't seen you in like two years. I know, man. It's crazy, dude. I can't believe that it's been that long. I think time just gets kind of going and then things get kind of hectic. Are you home or you're on the road? Is your goal to stay home like my goal is to stay home? It is now.

the same tour for almost four years. So you're off it now. I have, we're doing a, taping a special in, to New York at the Beacon. Beacon. Best theater. You're doing it for Netflix, Al Jazeera, Hulu. Netflix. I would do it for Al Jair. They didn't make an offer. I'm going to Saudi Arabia. I could hit them up.

You're going to that comedy festival? Yeah, should I have not? Oh, hold on. No, no, no, that's great. Let's get into that in a second. But no, yeah, so we got that coming up. And then, I don't know, part of me wants to maybe do a show like in Hawaii just so I can also go on vacation. Right. But then part of me is like, I just don't know.

Like, I started, like, yeah, like, lose. I just, like, recently, like, I just, like, I think my nervous system's just shot, you know? But do you like being home? Like here, like, do you like being in there or do you like to travel still? No, I do like it. I like being home and I want to be able to do more creative stuff. Like, you know, um,

I'm trying to see if Drewski wants to try to do something together. Me and Spade made a movie that we're going to put out. We're editing right now. So there's a bunch of little things that I'm trying to do. Yeah. Dude, you and Drewski would just do it. Like he could just be that character. You guys could just be brothers. You could do keeping up with the doordashians as a, as a movie. Yeah. And you two are the doordashians.

I think you want to find a family that likes to DoorDash. And it's a family affair. Right. And it's keeping up with the DoorDashians. Or it's just like these funny, like, you know, and the baby's in the backseat and he's eating a couple of the tots or something. Tots, yeah.

Dude, one of the guys who works with me is actually, I'm doing Chicago tomorrow, and he's going to work with me on the show. He does DoorDash in his spare time, and there's been multiple times where he's done DoorDash orders while I'm on stage. He does his time, and then he knows he's got about an hour while I'm up there, and he does some DoorDash. The kid's hustling.

He's told me, too, what the trick is, too, like they all eat for free, the DoorDash drivers, because like, you know, when they get hungry, they'll just eat somebody's McDonald's or KFC order and then just kind of never deliver it and then let them.

Take it up at DoorDash and DoorDash will usually just refund their money and then reorder it. But they got, they ate the food because it's not up to that. Like he said, there's no system. It's not like they know, oh, this guy, this driver took it. They just line up the DoorDash deliveries and you just take it and you.

take the receipt no one's checking no one's like scanning you as the driver in so you could do whatever you want to i love that's not connected that's how you show the man right there dude yeah now somebody doesn't get fed somebody and their kids do not get fed right they're splitting up a yogurt

something at home which is tough to do dude but my boy's point was the drivers don't make any money either he's making like eight dollars an hour so he's like what about him now i gotta eat your food some people they love doing or dash it's fun oh here's some stats right here let me see um as you

A U.S. food survey found that nearly 30% of food delivery drivers, including those on DoorDash, admit to taking a bite of food from customers' orders at least once. Dude, Mark Normand will take a bite out of your food. I've seen him do that multiple times at the Comedy Cellar. Oh, potato skin. Jews.

He's the best, dude. He's the fucking best. Is he number one or what? You guys, I think y'all's personalities in New York are so fun, dude. Louie was just in town. Jim Norton was here. Yeah. Did you have Louie and Jim come on the show? Yeah. Yeah. And it was. just like oh dude Jim Norton Jim Norton I've been you know you and I met each other by Jim Norton Opie and Anthony dude you would go way back

And then half the people we used to do the show with are dead. Everybody's just dropping dead. Vic Henley. Yep. Chef Carl. Ruiz. Damn. Sucks. But, you know, rest in peace. But they... But Jim, dude, this bit, him and Anthony Cumia did this bit the other day that, oh my, I mean, they like reposted. I had to text Jim like I almost crashed my car.

from laughing because by the way, like, you know, love this pod, but you know how like we do this, like this is our profession. And even sometimes comedy can't be. as cathartic for us as it is for the audience because like we get stuck in in in you know if you listen to some dope comedian or like you laugh but you're like man you kind of have this self-reflection like i should be better blah blah jim norton's got a new pod called uh jim norton's pod can't save you and it's

I listen to it like I'm an audience member. Like it's my cathartic, like I wait each week. I listen to the episodes. When they have the episodes on, they had an episode, old school one with Colin Quinn and Rich Voss, where it's like that old Opie and Anthony energy, like from the...

early 2000s, it just hits me in a way where I'm like, oh, this is the gift of comedy. If you're going through stuff in your life, you're depressed, you're sad, you need to laugh, that's the pod I go to. Jim Norton can't save you. To me, it's... It's like Jim in all his glory. But this bit, I came across it and I was dying.

I kissed my friend's grandmother, which I know is kind of... Oh, right? And it was like a little peck in our lipstick. And I'd be lying. Whose lips were thinner and drier? Give a little contest. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't turned on. I was a little turned on. I like the taste of Geritol. I couldn't do anything about it because I'm like, you know, then they close the list.

that's awesome that's my you know I I don't know when I said close the lid I just it just hit me because I thought the bit was just about kissing his grandma and and but that's the kind of humor you know that I like and I used to it used to be one of those things where you know I understand this subjectivity of comedy now and how

If I think it's really funny and you don't or vice versa, like that's just okay. Like I used to get upset if I saw not the whole audience laughing, where now I'm just like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's it. Comedy can't be for everybody. Everybody's comedy can't be for everybody all the time. So I'm accepting of that now.

Yeah, just like this is where I'm, yeah, if I'm still trying to make something for everybody, then that's not going to be great. Trying to just be true to myself the best I can. Yeah, but those guys are, I mean, those guys are funny at a level that's way funnier than I feel like.

I mean, way funnier than I'll ever be and way funnier than I think we are now. I think you always feel like the generation before you is funnier. Well, like if you sit at the comedy cell and you ever get stuck at the back table with Jim Norton, Colin Quinn, Rich Voss, those guys, and they start hammering jokes. and then it comes to you.

And nine times out of 10, I don't have anything to say. And then you just get abused. And you realize, hey, with this game, it's ticket sales, money, fame, fortune, all those things are whatever. There's a part of it that's great. But it's like just pound for pound. I've never seen a group that can hit it like those guys hit it. I've never seen a group that that...

90s, 2000s, tough crowd, New York. Keith Robinson. Yep, Keith Robinson, all those guys. Old school Nick DiPaolo. Patrice O'Neal passed away. You know, I never met Patrice, but he was, you know, obviously amazing. Geraldo, those old school. New York guys. Can't even imagine. Yeah, because there was a time where I was like, you know, people, you know. And Schumer was in there. She was so funny. She was with that crew, yeah. I mean, she was so good.

You know, and now I feel like with comedy, I feel like, you know, it's just things are different now. And I just feel like got to just do it. You know, we have like these niche little audiences. I've convinced myself.

at times, to try to be happier with less. You know, I'm trying. Dude, I was getting a massage the other day, and it was by a man. I prefer a man a lot of times. 100%. But he doesn't do the happy ending, though. You don't go that far with the guy. I don't let anybody have any. I'm not driving across town so some loser can jerk me off when I can do it myself at home. I'm not going to do it. And no offense. If you're a masseuse, you're not a loser or whatever. I don't mean that. I just mean like.

the places i go it's not like nobody's been to a school or like in a beauty school you know there's not a hot rock in the room unless it's fucking unless it's in an eight ball in somebody's pocket you know there's no right it's not that kind of shit it's just like the light bulbs kind of working and somebody will fucking run up your back. You don't know if it's a bug or a little Vietnamese woman, but it helps you relax. Same thing. No, I'm kidding.

And then I had an uncle who fought in the war. Oh, dude, I don't give a shit. I haven't decided what side I'm on. Right. But here's the thing. It's like I went in there and the guy, I paid him up front. This guy is such a great guy. And I go to two massage places. There's one in – in Westwood that I go to in Los Angeles is called Siri foot spa. And it's amazing. And then there's one in Nashville that I go to called crest foot spa.

Nice. Why did it have to be a foot spa? Like, what is that about a foot spa? Because you just get the feet done? No, but I'm just saying if they'll get into your feet, they'll get into the rest of you. That's true, dude. You know what I'm saying? If you start with how, you know, they say you don't know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. But if you're able to knuckle the history out of a man's feet. 100%. Then you know a man. Yes, sir. My toes. I got my.

toe next to my big toe just crosses over like that. They're called hammer toes. And I was telling... My wife, I was like, I need a paternity test on that baby. And I was saying it like that. While she was giving birth, I was like, I need to know that mind. Oh, for sure. Yeah, and I kept saying that. And then they slapped me. She slapped me.

My girl in the middle of the childbirth. And she was like, look at that baby's feet. Right. And then my daughter has the same toes as me, dude. They're crossed over. We're safe. I like that. So I feel bad because my wife's feet are very flat, like a Princess Fiona foot, and then my toes are crossed over. And I'm just hoping that my daughters don't have a mix of both our feet because girls should have nice feet. Guys, it doesn't matter. matter if your feet are.

My feet look like that. My feet look like they're on the wrong leg. Like my right foot's on my left and my left foot's on my right. That's what it feels like. Yeah, you got toes in different areas. You got shit heading. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, somebody gives you directions. You're still...

my feet will go the wrong way it's it's like you never get like wet your iphone and it's like you're hitting a thing and it's going over there that's what my feet are they're like wet iphones yeah you're like soaking your feet in rice at night trying to get them Calibrated? Yeah, dude. But yo, I need to get...

start working on the massages and the care part. You gotta do it, man. You can't just go in and do push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups at our age anymore. It's like, you need the care. You need a massage a week, is it? Is that what the numbers are for you? Yeah, and I'll do too. Like, right now, this week, I'm trying to get...

The extra one is just like I got a couple of busy weeks coming up. And so I just got to like now's the time I got to tap in and just see if I can, you know, make sure I'm taking care of myself. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to do it right. Like I know some guys, they have families. They're working every day, you know, like, you know, they.

work like a daytime hours so it's hard to find time to go so yeah I just feel lucky that I'm able to go do it but yeah I like to go into that joint where it's low key dude they used to have a place in LA give a dude $40 two Viettes would fucking beat the shit out of you with the fucking Vietcon I don't know. I didn't see their cocks, but one of them looked heavy.

Yeah. Or he looked like his stomach was tight because it was moving around a big cock. You ever see somebody like that? 100%, dude. Like not even in good shape. You see their abs and like, what the fuck? And then you see like, oh, he's fucking, he's carrying, you know? Yeah. He's got a couple pallets full on him. Kobayashi, the hot dog eating champion, he was always shredded because he had that, you know? He's got that thing on him, you think? He's got that 100%. He's got that Nathan's.

Oh, that Nathan's is long and lean. Yeah, full of nitrates. This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Between two-factor authentication, strong passwords, and a VPN, You try to be in control of how your info is protected, but many other places also have it, and they might not be as careful. That's why LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it.

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LAW pound five, two, nine from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Yo, I knew you weren't going to, I knew, I knew you weren't in LA. You were an LA guy, but I knew that you were going to come back home. I knew you were going to come back home. Yeah, because I feel like – I just feel like you belong here. I'm not from here. No, no, but in the – Oh, in the realm here? Yes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, man, I think you're right. You belong in like a 200-mile radius, and it's here. I feel really nice here. I feel lucky to be here. I feel like we're in a—I do feel like Tennessee is like a place that's— It's caring. It feels more normal. And it's like, and it's fun. And it's like, I don't know. Everything doesn't feel like it's for sale. Yeah, like it feels there's a genuineness to it.

all here where not everything is about entertainment here you could you know what i mean like you're an entertainer but your neighbor's probably not yeah we're in la your neighbor probably is or if they weren't at some point they wanted to be So it's a tough thing to always be around that. Well, in Hollywood, I think, I mean, Hollywood's even losing a lot of the film industry. Bring up what's causing production to leave Los Angeles. Tax credits, AI.

Earthquakes, tsunamis. Dude, Beverly Hills looks like Saudi Arabia. Let me see. States like Georgia, New Mexico and Nevada, plus countries such as Canada and the UK offer healthier tax incentives. The cost of living and operating in Los Angeles has significantly increased. Hollywood endured major strikes because of and a lot of that's because of greed.

The aftermath of COVID-19, which a lot of them helped push through the fucking celebrities and bullshit. So it's nice just to see a lot of this shit coming back and to bite people in the ass. Studios are cutting production budgets and scaling back local projects.

due to declining streaming numbers, reduced programming by networks, and a fall in box office revenues. Wildfires. I mean, yeah, they – dude, the fact that they didn't even have water in that reservoir, the fact that there's issues with like –

hundreds of millions of dollars they raised from fire aid that's not even going to people that it's like what is even going on that place just feels like such a scam and I think people with uh heartbeats are starting to kind of realize it and now I don't mean like that's just Hollywood I'm

saying i'm not talking about the people really that are there i mean they know what who i'm talking about but it's not like the everyday people that's just there that's hustling that love their neighborhoods and shit i'm not talking about that right right yeah yeah oh laogs yeah i'm just talking about how hollywood how they're losing that industry and yeah and maybe some guy like mom donnie will come along there and they'll start to like

You know, it'd be nice to see eventually that people that don't have all the means get to have more of the things. Right. Because it starts to get gluttonous and it starts to get kind of sick. Well, it starts and then you look back at history. That's why I love history so much and do the history pod because you look back at like the French Revolution, right, in the 1790s.

That's what happened, man, is the wage gap started to get crazy, and the rich just kept getting richer, and then they just stormed the Bastille, and they cut off the king and queen's head. Marie Antoinette let him eat cake, but she... Supposedly he didn't say that. Well, she definitely didn't say that. And then they cut off the king, King Louis' dome piece.

In the beginning, if you've ever seen the movie Napoleon with Joaquin Phoenix, that's the first scene that they show. And that wage gap is starting to broaden just like them days now. Dude, I want to be on a horse with the revolutionaries. Yes. And I know that I've made money in my life now and it's different, but I'll never have money in my heart. And yeah, I want to do some things that.

towards the end of this year and next year that are going to start to like create ways to like give back, help people like figure things out. You should buy your whole neighborhood solar roofs, solar panel, Tesla roofs. No, people in my neighborhood are fine. They'll be okay. Go buy in the hood then.

They don't, what are you going to fucking charge their guns at night? No, but I think there is great ways. But I don't know. I thought about going back to my old neighborhood. We got a bunch of cool stuff in the coffers and some of that's just jokes. Dude. Did you see? That Ro Khanna, he's a Democratic congressman from California. Okay. And Thomas Massey, who's like the...

who drove here in a truck that he lives in. Crazy. Parked it outside. I'm in that bitch drinking fucking raw milk with him that he got out of a goat by his home. Oh, yeah. Did you get sick after? I mean, I didn't get well.

You know what I'm saying? My eyes wouldn't open that far in the morning. They open, but just not that far. But anyway, they come up with this petition. It's a bipartisan effort, it says right here. And the U.S. House of Representatives launched in September to force a vote on...

Releasing all federal files related to the Jeffrey Epstein case, the petition takes the form of a discharge petition, which allows a resolution or bill to bypass regular committee procedures and be brought directly to the House floor for a vote.

I mean, don't you think it's crazy that they won't release this? What do you like? Do you have a take on what do you think is going on with all this with the Epstein stuff? Yeah. I mean, it just seems like how could they not like does it feel like our government is protecting pedophiles to you? I mean, probably, but again, I don't know because there's so much mismatch. Like there's so many things happening here. So you look here and vice versa that I really don't know because...

You know, the whole thing was about those missing second or second or one or two seconds of the Epstein tape. And then they just the government just released. the tape unedited and there's nothing that happens in those two seconds so there's nobody that came in or came out of it now could there be some more advanced technology we don't even know about that they're just making things happen probably but i don't know

I really don't know. I try. There are times where I find myself going down a rabbit hole of it, and then I try to take myself out and say, How does that, even if they are protecting pedophiles, how does that help me or hurt me in any way, shape or form? It's like, dude, just go make your kid an avocado toast. Yeah. Just go literally try to.

Right, do the next right thing. I just try to make it small. I try to make my life small now, man. I'm like, I don't know, dude. I don't know Epstein. I don't know Trump. I've never met these people, so I can't have them affecting my life on a daily basis. I'm like, what are my kids?

gonna do man i'm like you know like that's what's important should i help yeah how can i help my kids learn how you what you know we my stepson can't you know he's the way he throws a baseball it's like we got to fix that oh yeah you know my daughter you know

Yeah, dude. She wants to do cheerleading and she keeps falling off the pyramid. So I'm like, you know, man, I want to do, I want to, I want to get into this, but I'm also like, I don't have time, dude. One of my kids is eight years old and still in a diaper. So I got to fix that.

You know what I mean? So that's what I do. And either none of us do it or all of us do it. That's what I say. I don't tell my kids that, but I tell my kids other gems where I'm like, do the right thing even if nobody's looking. Do the right thing.

You do the right thing even when no one's looking. Like Spike Lee. Exactly. So you do the right thing even when no one's looking. So you know what I mean? And that's what my daughter, I think that's what my daughter does. I mean, you know, with the whole ice stuff. Oh, I think it's obviously at least she's involved in.

At least she has some political or social awareness. That's what I'm saying. I don't. Right. But you have to make time so that they do. Exactly. So I keep the space. I'm going to pivot right here. I want to talk about you. Because last time you were on, we had an extensive conversation. I think it was Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day was coming up and we talked about love. And we literally talked about it for about two hours. You got engaged finally.

For the second time, is that right? The second time. First time we did it, it was like, you know, because we had a baby so quick and I wanted to do it, but it was really just Catholic guilt. wanting to do it and then and then we split up for a while and that's what happens sometimes you split up with someone and then you know you kind of realize what you got you know that saying you don't really know what you got till it's gone and then so that's what Jazz and I have been together now.

for jesus 11 12 years and you know we're getting engaged because we got engaged because you know we got kids you know we got three kids yeah and you're a family now we're family now and i said what like my three kids or two kids two well two biological one And one extra kid. One extra kid, right. Do you believe, how does love change over time for you guys? How has it changed? Well, I realize that it's not a feeling, it's an action. That's how it's evolved.

To me, you've heard that before, that love is in action. Wait, like tell me a little more? Meaning like, to me, the first sense... that I felt anytime I ever saw, what I felt when I first saw Jasmine. I remember you told me at a bar, you guys were at a place. It was, yeah. It was a volleyball bar? Yeah, called Place to Beach in Brooklyn. Yeah, it was a pun. And I, yeah. And then I fell and they got shut down because they were selling the fake vaccine card.

There's nothing like meeting an illegal alien at a fake vaccine card shop. If your marriage doesn't start out like that in America, then fuck you. So I felt this feeling when I saw her. She stopped me in my tracks. Like indigestion or something, but in your legs. Yeah, I thought I was having a heart attack. I thought maybe because me and my boy Pat, we were in so much pepperoni.

And so I was like, oh, maybe it's that. Maybe it's finally catching up to me. A Pepto-Bismol, nothing worked. And then so... and so I realized like that was like I thought that was love but that was more of like an infatuation that was more of like a lust that was more like me just taken in by her beauty like the you know that oh yeah so that's powerful that's necessary and then I went through with that feeling for years thinking like that was love

and then we would have all these problems and I was always looking for something else. I was always pushing her away. Then I'd get close to her. She'd push me away and all these things. And I realized like, oh, these are just, that wasn't love. Love to me was.

What I realized was all these years later that the real love was her and I. coming back together after, you know, a big fight, her showing me so much loyalty, me showing her loyalty, her being there for me when the things were not going well for me, all those things were. That's the love, the action. Love is an action. And I see her do that for me because I used to think, I used to think that she, you know, I would always be searching.

in my my brain being a bit of a perfectionist as as you know we all are i think in comedy like we always want everything to go right i would always say oh, she's not perfect. So you're looking for something else. Your brain is always like, what's the next best thing? What's the next best thing? And then at some point to you, you say,

Okay, I can go get this or get that. And then looking for what's perfect, what's perfect. And then I realized at some point it hit me. I was like, oh, she actually is perfect because she's taking me in from all my imperfections. She's understanding how imperfect I am.

and still accepting me anyway. So that is like someone who's perfect because a lot of people wouldn't do that. A lot of people would have just thrown me to the side by now and been like, hey, figure it out. Because she knows I love my kids. She knows I'm always going to take care of her. So it wasn't about the money. It wasn't. about, oh, I need a man on my life. It's about specifically me. She's taking me in for my imperfection. So for me,

that makes her perfect to me. And after all these years, I've realized that all that and the action of love and, you know, what we have with our children and building a family, like there's... Nothing. Your life is happening right now. And I have like a perfect life right now. And I don't live in the zero sum game anymore. It used to be.

If my career was down, I'd be unhappy. If I was feeling out of shape, I'd be unhappy. One thing could make it all unhappy because I was playing zero sum. It's either all or nothing. I don't do that anymore. I'll say some things in my life are up and down. Everybody.

life. It's all, it's all in flux. How were you able to adjust that? Like, was there something that happened that made you sort of see that? Cause that's pretty powerful to hear about, man. Cause yeah, I think I I've, I've certainly had that like. one thing will affect kind of how I operate for the rest of the day and then, or affects how I think about myself. Well, I think children, that's why it's important, you know, in my life personally, people do what they want. But for me,

Abort or your kids, whatever you want to do. In New York City, you could kill them all up, I think, until they're 18. I think you can have legal abortions. That's what AOC said. Oh, you can send a kid to Gaza and Israel will kill them. Mom Donnie's going to make it 21, he said. Is he? That's what he said. That's what the platform...

voting for that you can abortions up to their kids are 21 so um but what i felt like you know how i learned all that is literally just by like listening to my kids and and watching what my kids kind of

want from me and expect from me. And I realized that, you know, you could spend your whole life thinking about, oh, what's going to happen tomorrow? Always being, you know, always being... you know there's something's better something's better on the horizon you can spend your whole life like and then your whole life goes by so i realized to like be in the like nothing's better to me like what's better than you know

you know, a Lamborghini or selling out a world tour or having sex with the hottest girls, like, you know, just sitting in the grass with your kids like that. And it's not for everybody. And also at times it's not even for me. At times I'm sitting in the grass with my kids. I'm like, this sucks. I want to go drive in the Lamborghini.

But it's not a zero-sum game. Exactly. But those moments that I do have when I am fully locked in, I'm always chasing that. If I'm chasing one thing, I'm always chasing that. I've had feelings throughout my life of being locked in with my family. I've never had a euphoria like that. I've never been happier than that. And it doesn't happen all the time. At times I'm home with my family trying to say, find that feeling. And I just can't, you know.

find it but I don't beat myself up about it anymore I'm like yo just keep coming Giannis and I Giannis talks to me a lot about Life is coming back to the present. Always come back to the present. Always come back to the moment. That's your job. Come back to the moment as much as you can throughout the day. Come back to the moment because it's all happening now. I try to be where my feet are. There was a time when I was talking.

the last time we spoke about love and on Valentine's Day, half of my brain was with you. And then half of my brain was probably back home with my kids or, you know, what I was doing after that or my show. But now I'm fully locked in just with you. That's one thing I definitely can feel I've gotten better. I'm where my feet are. I'm fully with you right now, and then when I leave, I'll fully be with you.

you know, the driver. And then, you know, when I speak to my family, I'll fully be with them. You know what I mean? And I'll fully be with an Asian dude in the bathroom at... BNA Airport, baby. Right? It's got Viet Cong. The Viet Cong's got me. Yeah, I got those camera shoes. So that's how I feel. I don't know if I've explained it correctly. Round trip to Saigon. Yeah, Guantanamo Bay. So I don't know if I explained it right.

No, I think you did. That's what it is. Well, I think it's funny when you say something that it's like, yeah, I let my mind like I'll have a thought and then my mind will multiply it. Right. Kind of. I'll have a feeling or one bad thing will happen, something that's not my favorite. Well, because the brain is going to go towards connections. That's the connective tissue. That's why they say those mushrooms...

uh, or acid. One of them is good. Cause they say it wipes away your opioids. I can't, which one is what they say. One of them, something on Joe Rogan said that. Yeah. I don't know. But, but that, but that feeling, it's like this thing where I thought, I was thinking about this the other day, like the, you know, Like, to be happy, me and Giannis were having a conversation about this, and he had different feelings, but I was kind of saying, like,

you know faith you gotta have faith like you know people talk about hope and all that but i feel like faith is is to me it's better like it's faith is on a creator and like hope is just hope is just gay faith it's just exactly hope is gay faith that's the merch So faith. So you got to have faith that like tomorrow will be better. So it kind of goes against what I just said.

On the same hand, it's like simultaneously, I think this balance of life is have faith. We had to get out of the caves, basically, as Neanderthals. We were getting out. You had to get out of the cave to go survive and advance and all that.

So it's like you got to have this faith that there's a better life outside the cave by also acknowledging simultaneously that what you have in the cave is enough. So it's a delicate – life is just balance. You know what I mean? Dude, my uncle, he used to tickle us, right? And the only way he didn't stop –

to say the n-word to get him to stop right right that's my same uncle like that and the only way you'd say it's not tickle but you say the n-word it's the only way to get him to come so when he asked because he wants to give uh you know like donate a sperm oh so he wouldn't be able to do it the prostate wouldn't work nothing so but because he's got such potent sperm so if you yell the n-word he'd

Bust a nut. And then that's how he was able to give back to his community by helping some of the ladies who were infertile make more babies. Oh, you yell the noise so the whites will pop out, you know? They're like, what's going on out there? Right. He's black. Your uncle's black? Yeah. That's good. I have one black uncle. I actually have a Puerto Rican uncle, for real. He passed away. He was dope, dude. True story. Somebody robbed my mom coming down the block.

They were robbing women, taking their purses. They took my mom's purse and multiple other ladies' purses. And then they would sell. uh you know like uh take their money and it was the running out of the back of a bodega that you know they had like steal their money sell their stuff whatever sell their license i don't know

And my uncle would go to that bodega and drink beers and chill. And he heard them talking in Spanish about, oh, they just took this lady's purse. And he was saying like to himself, he's like, oh, I think. I think that's my sister-in-law, right? So he didn't like this guy already, so they got drunk, and then he brought him, he had a whole craft shed, like a tool shed in my garage, and he had a...

He took this guy back to the garage. He thought he was just going to drink beers or whatever. And then he tied him up and he put on a welding mask and he welded the skin off his knees. for stealing from my mom. And then he gave my mom all her money back and all that. And he had fossilized this guy's knee skin. Fuck. Dead serious.

He was crazy, dude. Fuck. And he would drive me to school. I don't even know if I want you here anymore. He would drive me to school. He's dead though, that guy. Yeah. I mean, I was a little kid. They didn't tell me until I was an adult. I don't, I feel bad for everybody in that. Right. Yeah, but the guy was robbing purses. He didn't kill him. He just melted the skin off his knees. I think sometimes you got to have some serious measures. Yeah, man. You know, I like finding that. Yeah.

Finding love and committing to it and realizing that the rest of the stuff is distraction, you know? Yeah, but also, too, I mean, I say all that stuff, but I also don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Right, but you know what you're talking about for you when you're trying your best. I don't think you can say that. You know what? You know what? You seem insane. No, but you know what I've been realizing, too, like just about.

Me, I mean, I, you know, cause I'm only me, like there's moments of the day, almost every day where I'll have some like intuitive, I'll say something like so intuitive and tight, but I'll say it like, like. Only once in a while does that get captured on the camera. Like when I'm supposed to be doing my job here, I'm just babbling. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'll like.

get on the plane tonight and have a conversation with the person next to me and it'll be like next level on. And so I, I wonder about that. No, I think people do that. Oh yeah. I have conversations in my head. I'll listen back. Um, I'll, after I get like, I'll be listening to the edit of an episode. It's watching through. And, uh, and I'm like, why didn't I ask that?

They should have asked this. That's insane not to ask that right there. But I think it's just where your brain is and what you can handle and what you do and take on at the moment. Oh, there's a clip of a woman took a man into the mall. And made him walk. He cheated and she made him walk with a sign on. Do you see that? No, but this is awesome. And this guy has a sign on. It says, I had a two-year affair. Ask me how, it says. Ask me how.

This feels real to me, do you? Yeah, it feels real, but to me, it's like... Is this valuable, do you think? Is this the kind of stuff we need to keep marriages together? No, I would, you know, get a divorce, dude. You don't want to be with her. Well, he should have gotten a divorce than to go ahead and have a more family. The good thing about.

Like, you know, my lady is if I ever had a two-year affair, which I haven't, but if I ever had a two-year affair, she would never do this. She would punch me directly in my spleen.

She would, if she would, that's what would happen for that. Like she would find an organ. She's good. And she's lefty. Other flyweights are welterweights. And she would hit it with the, probably with the ring on. So she'd hit me hard in the spleen, pancreas, something like that. And she would just, that's what I would do. And I would kind of shit blood or.

Like an Irish Mickey Ward or whatever. For a little while, yeah. But then she would probably make me plantanos or some, you know, dish, the maduros, the smash plantanos. She would make it for me maybe a couple of nights later. Yeah. She'd be all right. But see, like what this is, like this I don't like, you know. And also.

I mean, there's a part of me that also doesn't believe it. I just, because of how much content is out there, I just don't believe that it's always real. But, you know, she, why would he go do this? She just, if it's not real, her acting is pretty good in this video. Well, he's, you know, I mean, he, I mean, yeah, that's bitch boy behavior. I mean, I would never. Well, here's the thing. They brought the baby. Is the baby real? Can you zoom in and see if the baby's moving at all?

Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't even look like there's a baby in there. Oh, there it is. Yeah, there's its feet. So that's pretty real. Who's going to give somebody a fake baby to go make this? Yeah. And that's kind of whack. Like if you got to see your parents, I don't think, I mean, I get what she's trying to do, but it's whack all around. I mean, he's whack. She's whack. They both just look like they suck. And they both do look like.

Prototypical podcast fans. These are exactly what the fans of the podcast look like. These kinds of people. You got a fat older lady and just a skinny guy who looks kind of dirty. She's not even older. Yes, she is. What? She's 25. Too old. baby wow bro to oh oh you oh but what did she tell him you have to do this or what she probably said you have to do this or what or i'm gonna like

Well, see, that's the thing, because normally it's like, oh, I'll tweet out your messages. I'll contact this girl. I see. So whatever. She was going to maybe blast him. Yeah, but this is worse. I'd rather that. I'd rather that. Then go ahead. Tell everyone you've ever met because I don't want to do this. Yeah. I don't believe. And I bet you if you scroll through the comments, most people are saying this isn't real. Let's see. I don't think it's real. Let me see. She entirely.

And Max got her husband. She should have just left him. Do you believe, like... How many of these comments do you think are real people? And have you ever commented on a video? You're right. It's all a mirage. Right? I feel like it's getting to the point now where it might be like over 50% of the people that comment on your stuff are bots.

Well, especially with AI, it's like they can make so many things or bots like AI is so capable of like act more human when you comment, like you can do all that. It's like we're watching a like it's kind of crazy to think that our reality has become. Science fiction. Right, but it's the reality on the social media platforms and on the internet. Is science fiction? No, our realities become fiction. But then what's science fiction? Smart fiction.

Which it really is, because it definitely tricks us a lot. Right, dude. I know, yeah. I don't know, dude. I know Jussie Smollett's probably innocent. I watch a Netflix documentary. Oh, do you think I could play Jussie Smollett in a... Biopic? Well, I told you, especially from the future, because as you said in the beginning of the show, you're a black woman from the future. So I think that you could. And I think that you could play Jesse Smollett and you could play The Attackers.

Or the Nigerian dudes. I think you can play any of those three. I think you're a good actor. Thanks, dude. Even though I've never seen you act, but I have a feeling that you're a good actor. Feelings mean a lot. Dude, remember when you said on Opie and Anthony or the Opie show? all those years ago that I look like a deaf guy that goes to the gym.

But we had so much fun in there. And you know, it was crazy too, to watch that video. If you ever like you, more you, like you watch that, you could watch that clip and, you know, just think about like at that point in your career, like you were kind of struggling.

Oh yeah. Well, you said you were struggling. We thought, you know, you, you were like, I remember us going to have lunch and you're like, man, like there was, I think you had done a show the next weekend in Sacramento punch on you had forgotten your pants and you had to take the opener's pants. That's a true story.

Don, the guy Don, DePetta, you had to take his pants. I remember that. Yeah, because you didn't have pants, dude, and you wouldn't sell barely any tickets at the Sacramento Punchline and then blew up. That was so much fun going in there.

Dude, going in there in the morning, going in that building and getting to go in there. Oh, it was great. And there was like, you were in there. Bobby Lee used to go in there and eat bull dick. There were heroes in there. Bobby ate bull dick? Yes, he ate bull dick on Opie's show. Is there a video of it? Yeah, there's video of it. meeting Bolduc. And then Howard Stern was there. Remember, he was down the hall.

You know that New York Sirius XM building? It's not like that at all anymore. There's like a ghost. There's nobody. I mean, Opie and Anthony is not even a show anymore. Jim doesn't have a show anymore. Howard Stern still has a show, but he never goes in. Sway in the morning. All those shows. Nobody goes in anymore. I think we got to.

start going into the buildings again i don't like oh it like i don't think working from home is i don't know that it's going to last but here we are doing it let's pull up this one clip right there bobby's bull bull testicle yeah i was here for that and the chef did put olive oil and some salt on it Wow, this was 10 years ago, see? Bobby. Is that real? That's real, dude. I was sitting across. Then he ran out.

It's not gay if you're starving, dude. You're starving. And this was before Bad Friends. He was also at this time in 2016 telling me his career felt like dead in the water. And now look how things can change. He's one of the best bad friends you could have right there. Oh, he just pulled the nuts off of him. Yeah, he pulled the nuts off. Oh, and he bit into him. He ate into the nuts. He vomited. Yeah, I think he runs out of the...

He runs out of the studio, and I went after him, and he was vomiting for real. Oh, that's that Christmas carrot right there. Yeah, see, look, he ran out. He ran out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he's dead now, Carl, unfortunately, man. I know. A lot of people passed with him. So is Vic Henley right there. Vic Henley, yeah, unfortunately.

Well, I think the one thing that we can count on, man, is just love. It's like that's what you – I think that's one of the messages I feel like from our conversation today. It's like –

You know, there's a lot going on in the world. You focus on the things that are in front of you and the things you can handle. And that is really what's important. Make your life a little smaller. That's what I try to tell my kids, man. There's so many things going on in the world. Yeah, take little breaks. It's like there's travesty happening all over the world. You can't.

fix everything, but you know what I mean? You could sweep up in front of your crib. You could sweep up in front of the house, take the garbage out, you know, tell your neighbors to try not to be Nazis if they can. You know what I mean? Do the right thing even when nobody's watching. All that. Comparison is the thief of joy. Hope is my hedge. Faith are my facts. I am okay. Hope is gay faith. Hope is gay faith. Faith is also a big time name for gay women. Ooh.

Gay ass faith. Next time we talk, we should talk about how certain names could lead people down certain sexual paths. My name, well, Christopher. My dad, he purposely calls me Christopher. and not chris because he believes that if a man goes with their full first name that means they're gay so he will he basically calls me gay okay like as a joke but he calls me he calls me christopher it's really like he's saying you're gay so and paul

sorry dude i gotta interrupt you but we gotta uh you have to go or you're gonna miss your flight i gotta go i gotta go to chicago dude um dude i love you history hyenas is back people can check it out um you're on tour with some tour dates we'll make sure we put them all up and talk about them in the beginning And I love you, man. Good to see you. Love you, brother. You too, man. I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones