This Isn't Therapy... it's a follow up to last week's episode about the attention wars. In this episode, we explore the concept of "agree to disagree" and how there seems to be a war of opinions playing out in our culture. Is it really possible to find common ground when opinions clash? We discuss strategies for navigating disagreements and the key differences between opinion-based and values-based conflicts. Can we respectfully acknowledge opposing views, or does disagreement signal a deeper di...
Jul 24, 2025•48 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a frank discussion about the "attention economy"—where companies compete to capture our focus to sell us products. We break down the difference between attention, focus, and concentration, and examine how the constant battle for our attention impacts our mental health, productivity, and relationships. We discuss the hidden costs of a world where attention is monetized, and how we can reclaim control in this distraction-driven landscape. Got a quandary, query, or questi...
Jul 17, 2025•42 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's our *encore* eppy from our first episode BACKKKK (from last year!!) This week, we're talking about why finding hope can often feel so hopeless in hopeless in times. We peel back the curtain on an article from The New Yorker called "Do you have hope?" which looks at the ways hope can live alongside despair, pain, and grief. We discuss what hope is, how hope can be active or passive, and how to use active forms of hope as a way of coping with challenging times and taking...
Jul 03, 2025•41 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a thought-provoking *encore* episode about the growing influence of artificial intelligence in our personal lives. We ask the big question: Can AI truly replace human relationships? From AI companions and virtual therapists to chatbots that promise emotional support, technology is reshaping the way we connect. But what happens when machines become more accessible, predictable, and even more “reliable” than people?Are we building a world where technology enhances relati...
Jun 26, 2025•53 min
This Isn't Therapy...this is a flirty fab *encore* conversation about loneliness versus being alone. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon explore feelings around how we can feel lonely even though we're surrounded by people we love. Also, how being alone does not always mean you are lonely. P.S. Don't forget: Submit a quandary, query, or question to Asking For A Friend... Contact: thisisnttherapypodcast@gmail.com Creators & Guests Simon Paluck - Host Jake Ernst - Host Hello, h...
Jun 19, 2025•44 min
This Isn't Therapy...it’s the ENCORE to our episode about emotions and emotionality. Am I overacting? Under-reacting? In this conversation, Jake and Simon chat about the normal, human, everyday emotions that show up in our lives. How do we know if our reactions are within a healthy range? They use the Window of Tolerance model to discuss big and small emotions, how to widen our windows, and what to do when emotions don’t seem to match the situation in front of us. Don't forget, Mary: Submit a qu...
Jun 12, 2025•49 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a discussion about the mind-body connection~ wooOOoO!! Nah, in all seriousness, Jake and Simon unpack some interesting data about the gut and how it's being considered a second brain for its ability to drive instinct, help us refocus, and hone in on what really matters. In this episode, we discuss through some final lovely listener submissions and hear what y'all are thinking about as it pertains to this important, and often overlooked, piece of the mental health puzzl...
Jun 05, 2025•39 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about emotions! In this episode, Jake and Simon respond to a listener question... so what are emotions, anyway? They break down the core emotions and how to distinguish emotions from feelings, thoughts, and moods. This episode is def for you if you've ever wondered how to control your emotions (or can you?) and what to do when the social emotions like guilt, shame, jealousy, pride, and indignation come into the mix. Come on in... emotions don't have to be s...
May 29, 2025•43 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a juicy convo about what it takes to become self-led. In this episode, we talk about self-leadership and how to build a sturdy and reliable self-esteem that doesn't dissolve under the sometimes-crushing weight of criticism, negative feedback, shame and self-doubt. This is an active episode so grab your pens and notebooks. Jake walks the lovely listeners through a four-part journalling exercise, rooted in four reflective questions, to help you create authentic self-lead...
May 23, 2025•54 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's an episode about seeking validation (online). Are we becoming obsessed with our quest for constant reassurance, approval, and external validation? In this episode, Jake and Simon explore the sugar high that comes with too much external affirmation and how this weird, wacky, online world is eroding our sense of self. But is it vain to want a compliment? How can I become a more secure and confident person? Is it bad to want to look to others for approval? Or is that... s...
May 15, 2025•41 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about the pressure to be happy. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about how to feel authentically happy when there's a lot of pressure to perform positivity or force happy feelings. Jake and Simon hear from two Lovely Listeners who wonder about the true meaning of happiness and how to spot the difference between authentic joy versus fake happiness. In a culture that might encourage us to "just think positive!" we're asking "...should we?"
May 08, 2025•40 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about parasocial relationships; the one-sided emotional connections we have with casual acquaintances, people we "know" online, characters we watch in television and movies, and people we admire from afar. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about some examples from pop culture, such as Chappell Roan's desire to set boundaries as a celebrity and Sabrina Carpenter's previous relationship. In addition, they pull examples from two articles to answer one curio...
May 01, 2025•39 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about the four F's: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. In this episode, Jake and Simon discuss the four threat responses and how to move through tough situations and face what's in front of us. This episode is for anyone who feels trapped by their reactions or is left feeling overwhelmed by stressful situations. These responses are what make us human; it is better to embrace them and face them rather than become ruled by them. Got a quandary, query, or questi...
Apr 24, 2025•49 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a long overdue convo about the two most essential skills in relationships. In this episode, Jake and Simon discuss a statistic about emotional availability: on average, we are only emotionally available for our partners about 9% of the time. With that in mind, they discuss how to get closer to the 9% using the two essential skills of attunement and repair. Throughout the episode, they discuss how to implement these skills through the development of micro-skills. Got a ...
Apr 17, 2025•48 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a conversation about mental health stigma and how we may have lost the plot in our attempts to de-stigmatize mental health. In this episode, we unpack RaQuel Hopkins' viral videos about mental health language, turning mental health labels into identities, and expanding our resilience and personal capacity to tolerate difficult life circumstances. Jake and Simon discuss her idea that the over-reliance on mental health tools may be making us "weaker" and how to build a r...
Apr 10, 2025•52 min
This isn’t therapy… it’s part three in our series about the war on human connection. In this episode, we talk about how overwhelming people with tragic and distressing information about the world leads to a decline in empathy. Jake and Simon discuss how a decline in rates of empathy affect our ability to practice perspective taking and experience empathic concern. Article: Empathy Is Dying And So Are We by Rita Jabbour Got a quandary, query, or question? Submit your Q (anonymously) to Asking For...
Apr 03, 2025•46 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a follow up to last week's episode about the attention wars. In this episode, we explore the concept of "agree to disagree" and how there seems to be a war of opinions playing out in our culture. Is it really possible to find common ground when opinions clash? We discuss strategies for navigating disagreements and the key differences between opinion-based and values-based conflicts. Can we respectfully acknowledge opposing views, or does disagreement signal a deeper di...
Mar 27, 2025•48 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a frank discussion about the "attention economy"—where companies compete to capture our focus to sell us products. We break down the difference between attention, focus, and concentration, and examine how the constant battle for our attention impacts our mental health, productivity, and relationships. We discuss the hidden costs of a world where attention is monetized, and how we can reclaim control in this distraction-driven landscape. Got a quandary, query, or questi...
Mar 20, 2025•42 min
This isn't therapy... it's a deeper dive into the topic of loneliness. Through stories submitted by the Loveliest Listeners, Jake and Simon discuss the crisis of loneliness and how to differentiate between feelings of loneliness and being alone. They also talk about the number one protective factor to combat loneliness and share their own reflections about how modern lifestyles shape our experiences of aloneness and loneliness. Got a quandary, query, or question? Submit your Q (anonymously) to A...
Mar 13, 2025•47 min
This isn't therapy... and it's not working out, either! In this episode, Jake and Simon discuss what to do when therapy isn't working. Importantly, they talk about how to know if therapy is actually working and what to do when you feel like it's not. This episode is based on a Lovely Listener question: "If I cry in therapy, does that mean it's working?" Strap in! Got a quandary, query, or question? Submit your Q (anonymously) to Asking For A Friend... Creators & Guests Simon Paluck - Host Ja...
Mar 06, 2025•47 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's an episode about seeking validation (online). Are we becoming obsessed with our quest for constant reassurance, approval, and external validation? Piggy backing off last week's episode on narcism, Jake and Simon explore the sugar high that comes with too much external affirmation and how this weird, wacky, online world is eroding our sense of self. But is it vain to want a compliment? How can I become a more secure and confident person? Is it bad to want to look to oth...
Feb 27, 2025•41 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the long-overdue episode about narcissism. In this episode, we break down what narcissism really is, how it differs from strong self-esteem and healthy narcissism, and why the term is being overused in today’s culture. While true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a serious condition, many of us display narcissistic traits from time to time—so where do we draw the line? We also explore the consequences of labeling people as narcissists too quickly, how this imp...
Feb 20, 2025•49 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a deep dive into the world of “chameleon kids” — children who adapt their personalities, emotions, and behaviours to fit their surroundings and meet the unspoken needs of others. These kids are often labeled as “the good child,” “the helper,” or “the rule-follower,” but beneath the surface lies a complex mix of empathy, self-monitoring, and an innate drive to keep the peace. We’ll explore why chameleon kids shape-shift to gain approval, maintain harmony, and avoid addi...
Feb 13, 2025•43 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a frank convo about the ever-changing language we use to describe our relationships. From loud looking to kiss-mets, the way we're seeking and obtaining connections continues to change alongside changes in technology and culture. This week, we discuss how nanoships, or in other words bite-sized relational moments, may be impacting our ability to connect with each other more deeply. We look to a report from Tinder (lol) to dissect how companies incentivize the use of th...
Feb 06, 2025•45 min
This Isn't Therapy... it’s a juicy convo about the power of regret. In a culture that would prefer us to "get over it" and "forget it" altogether, we unpack the ways that regret and remorse play out across the lifespan. Through listener story submissions, we discuss when it’s best to regret and when it's better to release. This conversation is for those who play the "Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda" game and hang on to prior mistakes, previous wrongdoings, or hold on to the life they could have had if t...
Jan 30, 2025•39 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a thought-provoking episode about the growing influence of artificial intelligence in our personal lives. We ask the big question: Can AI truly replace human relationships? From AI companions and virtual therapists to chatbots that promise emotional support, technology is reshaping the way we connect. But what happens when machines become more accessible, predictable, and even more “reliable” than people?Are we building a world where technology enhances relationships—o...
Jan 23, 2025•53 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about one of the things that robs kids of a care-free childhood: being parentified. When kids are forced to grow up too soon and become adults in childhood, kids can take on adult-like responsibilities and burdens. In this episode, we talk about the difference between healthy responsibility for kids and parentification and talk about the impact of having childhood stolen from us and being burdened before we're developmentally ready. Article: Were you a ‘par...
Jan 16, 2025•43 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's a juicy convo about what it takes to become self-led. In this episode, we talk about self-leadership and how to build a sturdy and reliable self-esteem that doesn't dissolve under the sometimes-crushing weight of criticism, negative feedback, shame and self-doubt. This is an active episode so grab your pens and notebooks. Jake walks the lovely listeners through a four-part journalling exercise, rooted in four reflective questions, to help you create authentic self-lead...
Jan 09, 2025•54 min
This Isn't Therapy... it's our first episode BACKKKK! This week, we're talking about why finding hope can often feel so hopeless in hopeless in times. We peel back the curtain on an article from The New Yorker called "Do you have hope?" which looks at the ways hope can live alongside despair, pain, and grief. We discuss what hope is, how hope can be active or passive, and how to use active forms of hope as a way of coping with challenging times and taking effective action on your goals. Article:...
Jan 02, 2025•41 min
This Isn't Therapy...this is an *encore* performance of our original spin on the famed holiday classic!! This Isn't Therapy presents: How the Grinch Stole Therapy . Every Who down in Whoville liked wellness a lot...but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT. The Grinch hated wellness! The whole "therapy speak." Now, please don't ask why, the reason is bleak... Enjoy this fun, flirty, fabulous episode narrated (and written AND performed) by Jake Ernst and Simon Paluck. To all our l...
Dec 24, 2024•11 min
