1. Introduction - Jeri's Story

Hey guys, welcome to today's first edition of This Is Your Wake Up Call. I'm your host, Jerry Bisbee, and this is an open invitation to anyone in pursuit of recovery or maybe like me. Love someone who is or desperately needs to be. Maybe you too have had a wake up call or two along the way. What I most want to share through this podcast is to bring a message of hope and help and healing.

You know, given my own story with this insidious disease, I'm looking to shift legacies, which is why I'm so excited to be interviewing a variety of guests along the way, both professionals and regular people like you and me. as well as sharing some helpful resources along the way. If that sounds of remote interest to you, then let's get started.

So today's guest is me. I thought it would be a great idea, a kind of an introductory episode of sorts to share a little bit about who I am and how I'm qualified to speak to this topic. So to that end.

I'm going to weave my dysfunctional thread that runs throughout my story from being birthed into a family with an alcoholic dad to marrying an addict alcoholic. ultimately carrying on this threaded family disease through one of my two amazing sons. I'd like to say at the outset as well, for those of you who may listen or know our family in some way,

My heart really is about the healing, like I spoke to earlier. And I in no way want to paint a picture that would disparage my first husband or our journey or that of any of my family. The reality is, this story is really hard. And if you're walking in it, on either side of the street, you know that to be true. So let's start at the beginning. When asked what my earliest memory was, I cringed.

to recall it. That three-year-old little girl standing outside the bathtub, shivering and shaking, not from being cold, but from the scene before her of her parents hitting and screaming. Daddy, of course, drunk as I would later understand it. And the episodes only grew in duration and intensity. Not the earliest memory I really wanted to pass on to anyone.

And my siblings, they were 16, 18 and 20 years old when I came on the scene. So there wasn't really any solace within the four walls of my home. You know, they're going to go ahead and get married and get on with their life. So I'd seek what I could outside. Like I remember early on, my fascination with theater or music, be it band or choir, I loved singing and performing. And so mom...

the epitome of a chronic codependent, would faithfully be at every recital, choir, drama, or athletic event throughout all of my school years. And Daddy? Not one. Not even my high school graduation. Oh, except for that one time. And if you know, you know. It didn't go well, right? There were going to be tears and yelling and just wishing he'd never shown up at all. So the home front, not so great. Abuse was real. Relationships were shattered.

And I just learned to keep the peace at all costs, right? So therein began my journey. I called it a chameleon. Whatever I needed to be or whoever I needed to belong to fit in because... I just didn't feel like I did anywhere. And that was going to lead to some less than great decisions. So leaving home as quickly as possible was what I did. I'm going to rent a house with some girlfriends.

I'll meet a boy, fall in love. And so began the next chapter in my addiction codependent story. Tim was his name, as I'd learned a couple weeks into dating him. Honestly, I'd only known him as Biz. which ironically is my inner circle nickname now. And was he handsome? We met, well, in his favorite retelling of the story was his easy top concert.

At least that's when he saw me across the way, as he called it, and decided he needed to get to know me. Oddly enough, he's living with one of my high school buddies. They were there for the summer. I'd show up at a party at their place a couple weeks later. And, well, so goes the story. Fast forward, I don't know, several minutes down the road, I'm meeting...

His mom and sister over Thanksgiving break. He's in college. I've since dropped out. But he's going to inform mom that he's going to marry me. And yay, she seemed happy enough at the news. But in her wisdom. She thought we should consider this idea that we had both come from alcoholic homes and likely one, if not both of us, would be carriers of this thing.

Tim actually lost his dad to alcoholism when he was only 11. I think his dad was only like 36. At any rate, the woundedness at that early age had a massive impact on him. I mean, there's wounds and scars that he was numbing at a really early age. And I don't think I recognized it until about the third year of our marriage. It was clear then. And I realized.

I've made two vows. Like one to God back in the day saying, I would never live that kind of life. Like the one I grew up in, right? Nor would my kids know that as their story. And then this other vow about till death do us part. Ah, now what do I do? Well, wise counsel from Mom Biz said, Jerry, take care of you, whatever you do.

get help for you. And so I did. Now, let me take a time out here for just a brief announcement to any of you listening. If this resonates as your story, take mom's advice. and get help for you. I'll share a little bit more on that in the closing. So back to year three of our marriage, Tim ultimately does recognize his problem and begins to seek help.

I think he went to a few AA meetings. He was active duty army at the time and he's going to get orders to Germany not long after baby number two arrived. Praise God he was on the road to recovery and in sobriety. When I got pregnant with baby number one. Okay, so fast forward again. It reminds me of the movie Click with Adam Sandler. Let me go ahead and just jump ahead.

Fast forward to where the boys are now in middle school and high school when our oldest finds his pot pipe in the car. Like my worst nightmare has just come true. His drug of choice when we were dating. was marijuana. And getting out of the military after 13 years and landing in Colorado, even prior to it being legalized here, I knew it was going to come back on the scene. To say I lost my mind.

would be a gross understatement. Remember now, I'm a lifelong codependent myself, so this can't possibly be a part of our perfect little family story, right? And I don't mean that facetiously either, guys. Honestly, we had years of a relatively great marriage. Kids, family, our faith, friends, camping trips, like so much of it was good. Until it wasn't.

So now he's going to start going overseas for some really cool work, like rebuilding in war-torn areas, Afghanistan, Iraq, Yemen at one point, doing business development, providing jobs for widows. And youth rebuilding their schools, like really making a difference. And we had prayed our hearts out about this decision as a family. And we really knew it was a God thing. But if you know anything about the enemy...

You know he's out to steal, kill, and destroy. And so it began. About the next decade of falling off the wagon, getting help, ultimately landing in rehab, followed by a year of counseling, more counseling, all of us as a family, as a couple, just him. And then a couple more overseas opportunities. Like being the number one or number two guy in command of these international projects, the falls just kept getting deeper and harder. And in all honesty, there's so much I would never know.

In fact, I learned even just this past weekend, some horrific story, all of it resulting in this massive PTSD that I really never was privy to until much later. OK, click fast forward again. Now, at some point, I need to share why. Why the title? Why this is your wake up call? And in all honesty, because there were about three life altering calls.

Well, there were more, but three that I'll touch on today. Call number one. 1154 p.m. June 14th, 2014. From Antarctica. He'd relapsed again. This call, after nearly a decade of this journey, it puts me over the edge. Like I can no longer pick up the pieces of my absolutely shattered heart. So a year of separation followed by divorce in 2015. Devastating. Honestly, I don't even have the words. And again, if you know, you know. How'd we get here?

dear god how did we get here this wasn't going to be part of my story but now you've heard i've got two sons the oldest of whom was visiting me with his wife one weekend when call number two comes. 11.23 p.m. October 29th, 2016. Regarding my youngest. He's saying his goodbyes. the caller said. Wait, what? We would drive like mad for nearly an hour, praying our guts out the entire way, hoping to get to him, not knowing what my oldest would walk into. Thank God.

Once again, he'd not yet done anything. So after the hospital, we go beginning the arduous journey of recovery, this time for my son. This series of insanity. We'll explore it firsthand in an interview with him on our next episode where he can share his side of the street and of all that insanity that was going to ensue for the next several years in and out of jail, of hospitals.

both for suicide ideation, addiction, as well as severe anxiety. There were DUIs, kleptomania. Dear God, how did we get here? Seriously, this wasn't supposed to be my story. But wait, there's more. The last, most devastating call of them all would alter our lives forever. This time, it's my former sister-in-law. It's 2.17 p.m. on May 7th, 2019. After getting me to pull off the interstate and park for the news she had to share, she announced, he's gone. Now, picture mad hysteria.

I cannot comprehend what she said. And so she repeats it. He's gone. He had taken his life and ultimately parts of ours along with him. Dear God. How did we get here? This wasn't supposed to be our story. So there you have it. The raw, awful reality of our story. And yet, as I promised,

This is going to be a program of hope and help and healing. So I'm grateful to share that God has seen us through, is seeing us through, and then some. The restoration story that he's still writing continues to boggle my mind. My oldest, well, he and his wife, they have their own scarring stories to share. And I'll have them on at some point as well.

But they have an incredibly beautiful, healthy toddler who at three years old, he has captured our hearts and brings joy beyond understanding. And that second born son. Oh my gosh, he's also married with an eight-month-old gorgeous little girl and coming up on six years of sobriety. And me, well, I'm blessed with an incredible husband.

who, if you know Gary, you know the gift God's given me. And he's walked through all of this treacherous story, most of which while we were dating, guys, and still stuck around. Yeah, he's got some crowns awaiting him in glory. That's all I got. And well, you're going to hear a lot more in DJ's story again about the hope that was offered through his recovery program.

I really am wanting to direct anyone who's listening. If you are in need of a solid faith-based program and recovery, 180 Ministries will forever hold my heart as they gave me my son back. I know, I know it's God ultimately, but he used 180. So I'm going to be inviting their CEO on in an upcoming episode, as well as some of the other leaders in the organization. Daniel's got a crazy story of his own to share.

Finally, for those of you on my side of the street, those codependents listening, if you're not already in a program or getting some therapy, please check out an Al-Anon group near you. It's literally been my saving grace for eight years. Today. Today's my birthday in Al-Anon. I cannot speak highly enough, again, of the people in those rooms who have shared their experience, strength, and hope with me in some of my absolutely darkest hours.

So that's it for today. I hope today's show has painted a picture of hope and the redemption story that's awaiting you. Thanks for listening to This Is Your Wake Up Call. I hope you'll share it with someone that you think could benefit. Have an extraordinary day.