Ep 250: Cruise, YouTube, & Cousin Wieners

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeart Radio, the show where we talk about what's obviously.

Most critically crucially important.

Today On This is Important, where's that god beild with China?

If you're a little kid listening, don't suck off your cousin, pay me in balls. Let's go backing at you.

You wow, yeah, bitch episode.

This is a bild.

Oh this is too fifty.

Yes, but before we get.

Into epley baby, we should probably do some housekeeping up. You have to do guys, Oh, you have to do skinyaching halt.

I had a lot of energy bro row an e break on this whole podcast. We gotta get some house keeping. We got to So why we keep saying housekeeping? Is Isaac before the podcast? He goes, so, I just want to do a little housekeeping before the pod, Like, okay, what does this mean?

Are we closing deals? You know what's happening moving with shaking or deal because we all know.

That's what housekeeping means, closing deal, starting deals.

It's starting deals. It seems like a housekeeping type thing.

You guys should mention the YouTube.

And that was it. That was it.

There's a lot of wind up just mentioning the YouTube. So go to guys, go to YouTube. Yes, one thing about our podcast is it's it's visual. It's fucking on fire on YouTube. Get your ass over there. You get to see our face.

You're gonna want to see You're gonna want to see all this.

You gotta see the curtain behind me.

That's dope. You get to see Blake's artwork. And then you get to see, uh, game over Man.

Unwrapped, Game over Man poster that's never been hung.

Why don't you ever hang out? What's going on there? I don't know.

My house isn't like a shrine to me or whatever.

Okay, well it's just on the floor. Then, yeah, I guess maybe put something else behind you, then duel something. I try a little bit.

Pictures of my children and your house should be a shrine to you.

Your house should be a shrine to you.

I don't disagree. Yeah, wellhis it's it's shaped if you look at it from the sky. It's shaped in my body laying on my side. Oh yeah, don't do not tell my wife.

And the drones descend upon unders home. Drone o god.

Out here in Calabasas.

Oh that house keeping up top Oh, don't forget about the cruise.

That's a little housekeeping, right. Oh yeah, he didn't mention that. He didn't say to mention that. But yeah, we should talk about the cris We should.

I want to say that there's somebody very exciting that we cannot mention that has joined the cruise. We just can't mention them yet.

Oh, we can't mention him.

And there's somebody very exciting who we can mention.

Who's that? Yeah, there's a bunch of people we can't mention.

Is that Bobby Lee?

Oh yeah, he's coming.

That's right, the wild mister good Times himself.

What is the likelihood of us scene And I'm dead serious when I say this, What is the likelihood of us seeing Bobby Lee's butthole?

Oh?

Strong and very strong?

Yeah, yeah, strong? I think I I think I've seen it at the comedy store. He used to just get naked at the comedy store a lot. That might have changed. I haven't seen him for a minute. That might have changed because he's much more famous now, right right. I think I think he's really kind of popped off in the last five years or so, and that that was way back when, although he was on Matt TV back then, So maybe you know what do I know?

I think anything kind of goes for Matt TV. They were a wild kids.

He's done it, he's been there, he's done that. Do you think he's going to go overboard? I thought you're gonna be like, what are the audsy goes overborn?

I don't see that for him. No, don't go overboard.

Do what you will. I don't care.

I see maybe who would go overboard?

It would it be We got Bobby Lee, we got Adam Ray, great friend of the pod. He's gonna be I mean, he will be drunk, but he'll be on the ship. Nick Swartson might go overboard. He's a maybe, he's a maybe he might go overboard.

Lifeguard on dudey our girl Sam Jay, she's the best.

She's gonna stay ship bound, Annie Liederman. Uh, she is sober now, so I've been told. So I think she will be staying on the ship. Now if this were old Annie, like like I knew her, she would be.

She's she's overboard for sure.

I was intoxicated.

And then we got we got best selling Catherine Blamford. Very funny, so's bed.

O super funny.

Super funny, dude, This is a funny cruise, brooks Weeling.

Eric Griffin, Eric's coming.

I'm sorry, we might feed him to the sharks.

I just want to He wants to get in directing now, so maybe we say he's the director just to give.

Him a job because we're not going to allow him to do stand up at all.

The bit, the bit that I'm gonna have is every time he goes to do stand up, I'm gonna act like a microphone malfunctions and then I have to go up there and do stand up. I already like this, Yeah, I already liked it. I'd be like, I don't know, sorry, it doesn't work. Your your hands are too fat for this microphone, so I'll just use it.

You're too hairy, hairy, your knuckles are the hair is braided on your knuckles.

You see you. We love them. Eric Griffin's gonna be on the podcast Do we Do? We're hyped? Where hyped?

He's coming, brooks Wheeling, Very very funny, very funny guy.

Also from Iowa. Did you know that as an Iowan? I do? Yeah, from Iowa. Here we go, Here we go and sort of raised my boy.

Brent Morin super duper funny, super funny could go overboard.

There's a chance there's another one you might go overboard.

This is the way.

Josh Adam Myers, very very funny guy. Yeah, the Action Boys podcast. I'm hyped on John Gabers, Ben Rogers and Ryan Stanger.

Yeah, I'm hyped on that. Very funny.

And we got live music from and I can announce it, but I think people are going to be excited.

Yeah, you can't say.

And then we also got Flashback heart Attack where they're they're like a well, what do you call that? A tribute band? Cover band and they're great, they're fantastic.

I wonder if like cover bands, like a dirty word now or something.

Yeah, I wonder if they're like, we're actually a band, right plays other people's music, but uh, you don't.

Yeah, tribute might be what they like to be called.

I wonder if there's a new name for it, kind of like how they do.

Like how you can't call homeless people homeless people anymore.

Exactly, but you can't call them bombs.

Yeah, well you can.

I mean you for sure you're not supposed to call them bombs, which sucks because not all of them are bums.

And we've gone over this.

We've covered this, right, right, right, this is just house cleaning though, this is is just housekeeping housekeeping.

Oh yes, house exactly. Not not that everyone who has you don't have to have a house to do housekeeping in the way that we're doing, right, And sure.

That's right, that's right. You could be in housekeeping.

Bombs are almost constantly not doing housekeeping.

They're never housekey.

There's not because they don't have a house. Yes, they just they're not getting their ship together.

Yeah, okay, So we got Flashback heart Attacks for you know, I saw them at I was at a party Nobody Hollywood at Sean White and Nina Doe Briv's house party, and Flashback heart Attack performed and it was great. It was a great time. And the goddamn comedy jam.

Who is gonna be fun? You guys need to do a song? I hope you know that. Yeah, we have to start training. Now you don't have to train?

What does that mean? Was that entail?

It's like a live band karaoke.

It's it's kind of like live band karaoke, but you then you have to go up and you so you pick a song and that you're gonna sing, and then you have to tell a story or do you know, do stand up? But really you just kind of tell a story about why you're gonna do this song, and then that leads into the song and then you do the song. Usually it's done with stand ups, so they do basically stand up that somehow they manufacture it to

Boys, Dead Blackout Boys. Nice.

Uh and shut up and dance. Hell yeah, we got a fucking squad going. Hell yeah, shut up and dance?

Remember that.

You do? Yes?

So I was told shut up and dance one time?

And so like, man, I like your version of telling the stories. You do your old man dad voice.

Well, I guess I just don't. I don't telling stories. I'm like, don't you have to be an old man who wants to hear your story? Until you're an old man?

They start to get really, I don't know, you didn't you just tell it like stories and ship?

Didn't you give a speech at Evanston Township High School? You did? You did? That is exactly what you just did.

I don't think I told the story, but did you hear it? Because my voice was like this the whole time. I did.

I just saw it on this line.

I did not I did on YouTube somewhere I did. It was fun.

Yeah, they got the whole thing. Isaac goes. Isaac goes, oh, you have to see it, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I want you.

Is there like a link or something and he goes, no, I just read it, and I go what and he goes, yeah, I just read a transcript of it.

And I'm like, oh, durst sentence, so you.

Know it's funnier.

Yeah, and he goes, no, it just I found it, And I'm like, you found a transcript, but you couldn't find the video.

He's our manager.

Maybe he's got Google getting radical. It was a great time. Went back to Evanston. I spoke to the class of twenty twenty five. Oh yeah, he told them, told them my story and gave him some advice.

So you did tell a story, okay.

I told them. I told him a tale actually okay, which is different.

For the goddamn comedy jam. You could tell a tale whatever.

And I might Anyway. It was a good time. It was. It was not as fun as this damn cruise is gonna be I'll tell you that.

But okay, damn.

So good.

Although that being said, I will give advice to anybody on the cruise who's like, hey, having a bad go of at any advice I got you.

That'd be kind of cool, Like the session, Hey, maybe we do a maybe we do like a spinoff podcast. So we were gonna do the podcast obviously, and that's gonna be a great time. We might do several nights of the podcast.

I'm not sure what I got a name already. What's your problem? Boom, what's your problem?

What's good?

I'm doing like a it's almost doctor Phil. It's just doctor Phil. It's just I'm just.

Gonna do doctor philil. Yeah, that'd be great. Uh No, we'll be right back.

Actually, we're gonna keep it right here.

Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna stick around.

Yeah. Yeah, let's let's do let's do like upwards of twenty pilot spinoff ideas, just just just just one off. See if the podcast goes anywhere.

I kind of want the crews to turn into like a promise Keepers vibe.

Do you remember Promise Keepers? I do not.

I don't either. Will you help me? Out with that.

Really it was like a men's Christian retreat, like for me and you like and.

Write a letter to everyone, like if you die, you write the letter. I don't know.

That was a Catholic thing, right, Evangelical Christian organization.

It was just sent to it.

Everyone I know who went to Catholic school did this, and it was like.

I went to Catholic school. I guess not in high school.

Yeah, this is a high school. And they you'd see like somebody and then you'd be like, oh, what's the fucking problem? And they go, hey, actually, dude, I can't tell you, but they're a good guy and they've got a lot of shit going on at the house. And you go, oh, how do you know? Like I can't really say, but promise keepers. Wow, we heard about it. We were just cries. You just cried.

It was secrets. It's just a bunch of secrets. That's why there.

It's like it's like uh, scientology where they you tell your secrets and then they've got them all right.

Well, to my knowledge, this was like you all go to like a big like stadium and then it's just a bunch of dudes watching like preachers. What that's what Promise Keeper was. It was like you go to the States. Yeah, it was like a stadium event.

This was like a sleep away camp where at night, after you had some Sizzel burgers, you fucking just opened up your letter and you read like, if you died tomorrow, this is what you would want to say to people.

Okay, that's cool, that's that.

That's not outside of the stair.

So their biggest event. So I'm sure they did sleep away camps. I'm sure that was very much part of it. But the biggest event was the Stand in the Gap, a sacred assembly of men, an open air gathering in the National Mall in Washington, d C. In nineteen ninety seven, there was Sea Span. Motherfucking Sea Span car live in its entirety. God, Sea Span is so fucking boring.

Dude, God, Sea Span is so boring.

They grit it in its entirety, couldn't even get it. Just fucking cut it up. You don't have a show to cut away to Jesus Christ, not bitch. But the audience, the figures of the estimated audience was between six hundred thousand and telling hundred thousand.

It was a movement dog that's so many, dude, it was a movement.

And did you keep because I know you have a lot of secrets, Blake, So we're were you This isn't secrets keeper, this is promise keepers. But don't you tell the secrets. I thought you'd tell secrets.

It's like a guy go up there and go, yeah, dude, I was bug fucked. That's not gonna stop me from like starting my own small business.

Yes, I think that's what this was. I think it.

I'm not afraid to get in the h vac business even though I gobbled my uncle's cock.

That's kind straight up.

That's the Kanye track that has my cousin's dick. You're like, this is a hit.

Oh I haven't, haven't I'd go to that concert.

I don't think I could actually access it.

Don't you think he could link up with these promise keepers and do a show?

Oh you definitely, there's a Promise Keepers Kanye Co Lab coming now.

I wonder if you are promise keepers.

Obviously you can't align yourself with Kanye right now that he's like putting Swaska's on the side of his building, insuling Swaska teacher. But there's a small part of you that wants to righte like if you are the promise keepers, you're looking for angles and you're like, fuck, how do we spin this? Because he was the biggest, one of the biggest stars in the world.

How do we how do.

We see and he obviously how do we we have a lot of I mean, he's got a lot of hits.

Maybe we just use an old hit that isn't problematic.

Yeah, collah, Yeah, that would That's a tricky situation.

That'd be tricky.

A lot of a lot of stuff to untangle there, Yeah, to be a tricky.

What is this link you sent and the it's probably the song. Oh, I'm afraid it's like hatespe.

Cousins by contract.

I don't even know if we should click on it. I feel like I'm gonna get.

Like, well, hey, Todd, do us a favor and just find the part where he talks about second his cousins Dick, and then Blake can play.

We don't want to play and it's just trying to spread any hate. But the hey, but.

Cat dad, Blake isn't Dad. I'm hyper sensitive. Chicks love a cat daddy. Okay, you Adam, If you just want to read the lyric first one.

Wait, I'm sorry, is it possible, Todd, that you can just say the moment like the second?

Yeah, find the exact second in that video, and then Blake will click on it and we will play the infamous dick sucking sucking dick because.

I would love, like I would love Blake to read all these and words out loud.

Yeah, if you could. I'm not seeing any No, actually i'm not either. He took that out of his mouth. That's pretty well. Oh no, I do see, I do see one. You are right, I do.

Oh yeah, it's too many for me.

Yeah, it's interesting.

Yeah.

A couple we started re enacting. This is crazy, dude, this is actually crazy.

Doesn't it explain? Doesn't explain a lot?

Okay, So ten seconds in he's saying it starts with the verse one, and then we could just listen to verse one.

There's no Nazisms in verse one. So here we go. Okay, all right, all right.

Here we go.

If it if it's laps, Todd, this is your fault, Todd.

If you're setting me up for failure with my cousin.

Real Daddy Magazine, we say to Vegas, because.

Then we know what does you mean anything. He doesn't have to repeat it. Okay, that's the git, But isn't it weird that I'm hearing that? And I'm like, I think Kyle made that. Sorry what about alien?

That very fucking rocked dude because he didn't have to repeat give my cousin head as many times as he did.

He goes, then I gave my cousin head, give my cousin. I know what I don't ship. I know a song I'm doing my cousin. He said give my cousin head five times.

I think like he cousins like he he knows that he HADSS Like you heard me right, I'm gonna say it again.

You're like, maybe he didn't say it. No, he said it, still saying He's still saying it.

Am I crazy? I kind of he's he's in the pocket.

I like the beatus.

I mean it's like a little like joy Division in the back with that vocoder he.

Was he gave my cousin jeff head is like calling him out by name and ship.

The way he still lives in Chicago.

If you want to say, what's up? His name is Jeffrey West.

He works out Bad Eggs. Has anybody from a sketch of like the cousin's phone blowing up and being like, what, I'm listening to a song and being like, oh, I'm a principal at a fucking middle school.

How many cousins are you doing to me?

How many?

Like you just had to be like, it's not me, it's a different cousin.

There has different that there's thirty cousins and not just like a cousin, and you're like fuck.

Then the next verse is how he gets specific and I know, you know, I got a lot of cousins, so i'llbe he waste specific up out who it was.

And it wasn't as long as I said before.

It was recently it was cousin Jeff.

I've got three cousins. Jeff fis not.

The tall wall.

Oh boy, it's the one with the mall. Now he's got to take off the mall. I've always wanted to have him have surgery on the mall.

The ball is on a dick.

I kissed the mall a lot.

We used to say, what's the name of the game where you hit the mall with the whack the mall we called a sucker all instead of whack them all, I would hit my dick against his dick.

We would play weird game of whack a moll.

He called a welcome mouth and it went.

Up in.

Uh like run that one back, dude, let's hear that one one.

By the way, The worst case scenario out of this is that is that this is the worst case scenario. You you're your little kid, You're fucking around with your cousin.

Okay, okay, like product keepers do whatever whatever, Like yeah, yeah, you're.

Did something happen?

No, No, what I'm what I'm saying is what I'm saying.

Is like you're you're dismissing it pretty quickly, like if you are working around your cousin in Chicago and you're in the basement, and this is what I'm saying.

I'm not trying to like demonize it. I'm not trying to demonize it or make those like that they're bad people because they're a low kid at all. Yeah, But what I'm saying is the worst case scenario is.

If you're a little kid listening, don't suck off your cousin.

Probably, yeah, there's there is some obviously you find somebody else that you're not related to. You what I'm getting to is that the worst case scenarios that the greatest dome you ever got was from your cousin.

Sick now you're thinking about you do the thing with and they're like you, it's so good, I need you to put on this fake mustache.

Oh man.

The greatest head you ever got, though, is usually the first time, because it's you've never felt that before.

You so good, you never had it so good.

Cousin's blow chop, cousin's blowjobus, it's blow chop.

You never had it so good. God, it's job God.

I it's say to say, it's been uphill since my first.

So I don't know I look back at my first. I mean, we've talked about my first blow job before. It was quite the experience. It was I was getting blow it was it was getting a blowjob, and uh it was. It was the night of the millennium.

A full moon.

Oh ship, so let the ball dr We were like, white two k is gonna kill us, all right, So we're upstairs, so we're cousin.

We're not cousinstide, we're not cousin.

Okay, Okay, it's a it's a female. She's not a cousin. We're not not related in any way. Okay, And so we're getting a blowjob. I'm getting the blow job.

That seems oddly specific.

We're getting a blowjob. You just said we're getting a blow are you sixty?

Me?

Me?

You said we're I died, So you're like, so people, it's high school, right.

So people then like find out that I'm getting a blowjob, they like want to like open the door and be dicks about it. I'm like yeah, so they're like coming in, so I like moved the dress I'm like trying to move the dresser, and she's embarrassed because people saw us in there, and Adam, this.

Is already sounding like an alibi, like I had to move the dresser in front of the door.

The gotcha, bitch, what in the matt hour? So I'm moving the dresser to try to to try to block them coming in.

I understand.

She Then the story gets even scarier.

I understand it now.

Okay, Then she is wasted.

She I turn around with my pants around my ankles, and I'm like, oh, we'll be.

Back to this blow job. She's nowhere to be found. Oh she's disappeared, dude.

She's under the dresser. No, no, no, no.

The window is open.

It's it's December thirty first, nineteen ninety nine, Omaha, Nebraska. It is cold out, it is snowy. She climbs out on the roof, climbs to the front of the house. I'm like yelling her name outside, being like, come back in, gome back down. And then and I open up the dresser and I'm like, I can't find her. I opened pulled the dresser away. The people that were outside were like, we're trying to get in. They come in, They're like,

And uh?

And they were like, are you jerking off in here alone? And I'm like no, because no one's in the room and dude. So the whole thing is my very first time. The whole thing's fucking ruined.

This is like a traumatic yes.

So then I'm like, I'm just sort of fucking bummed about it because it was a magical, a magical moment.

Yeah.

And then you I go downstairs that day, you go downstairs, I'm like, where did she go? Like, I'm looking in the backyard, where did.

She go from here.

Maybe she was your imagination.

She jumps off the roof, lands on the guy whose house we're partying in, dad's truck, densest hood of his truck, rolls off, pounds on the door. She's only wearing a bra uh and like her underwear. She's she okay, yeah, she's That pause was unbelievable.

She's only wearing a ball and undered her hands on a jacket.

No no pants nor jacket. So she's just basically naked out there.

She's in her underwear.

She's pound on the door. We hear a pound on the door. Everyone's like, cops, cops. We turn lights off. Everyone's hits the floor, right, and so now it takes like five minutes for us to open the door because we're like, no shoes, no shoes, right, So she's frozen solid. She comes back in. Uh, people are like, why are.

You outside without your clothes on?

She's embarrassed, say lips Hell is embarrassed to say anything.

It was a whole fucking fun, It was.

It was a crazy first the window.

Dang, that's a tough one to live up to. Will you tell that story like this time or another time? Like as as time goes on, do you think maybe like why do you wonder why she jumped out the window? Well?

I was like, is it because she didn't want to be seen hooking up with me? But I don't think that is it? Uh, you want to see it, So you're doing.

More of like a process of elimination.

Yeah, she was so humiliated to be hooking up with you she jumped out of the way or just like didn't want it to be known that.

She's like right, because I didn't.

I mean, it wasn't like we were dating or she just was like, I'm gonna suck your dick and I was like say what now wait the.

Other I was like what what?

What did you say?

What did you just say that that's cool?

So it wasn't It wasn't like we were dating or even like remotely dating. It was like I just sort of knew her as a girl I was in my school. It was it was a great And then that happened a few other times throughout high school where she'd be like, Hey, do you want to go in this closet at a party And I'm like, I guess, are you gonna like stab yourself with a hangar? Or like you're you're just in the h VAC. You're just like in an air duct I skiy scurrying away.

God damn, it's impossible. Well godless.

Yeah, I guess we all are kind of chasing that first experience.

Yeah and all that just no, no, no, But but I think it was so brief.

It was so brief that it was like it reminded me the first time you ever had like a Wagoo steak. Okay, and it was just okay, remember first Wagoo.

Yeah, it was just so magical that you're like this I've never experienced. I didn't even know steak could be this good. But yeah, I was like, I didn't know it could be this good.

So it was a it was a real toe curler.

I got a thing about the steak that you're talking about. We might have covered this before. We're like, I don't like to eat steak too often because I feel like when you have a steak that you're just like it's whatever. It kind of like sours you on steak. Sure, yeah, but every every eighteen months or so, I have that same mope, No, no, I eat steak more than that, Okay, but about every eighteen month card.

Pull your man card, I have one.

I have one that does curl the toes where you're likely shit, and then you're chasing Matt for a while.

Right.

The worst is when you're at a nice restaurant and you see this stupid expensive like the two hundred and twenty five dollars steak or whatever the dumb prices, and you're like, fuck, I think I'm gonna do it, and people are like, oh, okay, Like it's always Chloe and she's like, you don't have to just get a regular Andre And I'm.

Like, can you don't understand if I get this one? They bring me a.

Cool knife, Yeah, I love a cool knife.

I like they bust out the shun Yeah, give it to me down.

I like shun knives so much. I have them. I own shut knife tire. That's a uh but.

And then I just had it recently and the steak wasn't good and I paid like one hundred and seventy five dollars for it.

That's what I was like, But when did you have a steak that was good before that? Yeah?

What was the toe curling steak?

Like? Within a month or so, did you have the black best sneak.

No, I've I've cooled off on steaks since I uh, since I stopped. I know it's I mean, take my man, card uh, since I.

Did stem cells.

Essentially you're not supposed to have red meat, so I just sort of stopped eating steak specifically, it's still what I have cheeburger.

Everyone swall, But like I stopped eating steak.

Did you blow your cousin anymore? I stopped.

I stopped.

Yeah, too much protein, Yeah, no doubt.

I gave.

The dirty little secret. All you gotta do is just dump some fucking rock salt on that fucking ship and the Wow, this steak is amazing.

Oh it's fucking pretty good.

Yeah, it's all about that Himalayan sall hits different, my man, card Man, I like the pink slid, Bro.

That's the good stuff.

Cousins come on to the cruise and see we're all gonna see.

I hope, I hope that hit it.

I hope this guy.

Got the hand held out cousin.

And if you watch on YouTube you'll see what we're talking about.

Dude, I hope the story that Durst tells is about him playing doctor with someone like a cousin in his basement or some ship when he was a little.

Kid, and then busts out. I gave my cousin.

I gave my cousin fucking disaster. I played it. I don't know if we played doctor or if it was like husband wife with this girl. And I was like four or five, and it was like, show mine, I'll show you yours days.

Whoa did you?

Did you well?

I mean you're like five years.

Old and you're like, what what do you got? What's because I got all brothers?

Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, okay.

What's going on down there? She's like, I only have a sister? What's going on down there?

And I go, hey, on three show it is that right? And you remember this pretty vividly.

I remember we were standing in the basement or at the at the foot of some stairs. Maybe it was on the first floor, I don't know, at the stairs.

Very shagg of darning.

Yeah, and uh yeah, I've been and I've been just chasing that first time ever since.

Wow, I think the first time I wasn't like some bushes at a basketball Oh and you were thirty two?

Yeah, you know, gone next to the post office in Hollywood.

Foot off. That's not true. Yeah, I was a young man.

I was a young man boy, a young boy under eight, I think so, I think I was under under ten.

Well, you could kind of know. I don't really have a timeline for it. I could probably it.

Seems like advanced because at ten, at ten, you know, eleven year olds at.

Our fun time seems a little old. Ten.

You might give you a cousin.

No, I didn't, Okay.

Dude, I just remember it was like we were like shooting hoops with kids in the neighborhood and then like we just like pull.

Out that sweaty cock, come here.

I went for the record. I was supposed to marry this girl when we were five, so like was science.

So that's that checks out.

It wasn't like some Mirando at my high school like you.

It wasn't random. I know I know her.

Are you you walk past me in the hallway you want to suck my what?

It wasn't that far off, I don't.

I don't know if I've ever heard anyone just say that out loud like that, But it was crazy.

It wasn't that far off.

She wasn't Rando though I did know her, but it was there was no we didn't have like I wasn't like into her or she wasn't into me. It was just like a friend going, hey, do you want your dick sucked right now? And I'm like no, oh, hello, camera show.

I was like, fucking you're punk.

I just I just turned up the nelly really loud so the party couldn't hear it.

Hotch it, it's going down down. What's that noise?

It sounds like someone's moving a heavy dress of it.

It's what are those both prints on the on the roof is a reindeer? What the hell?

My dad's truck alarm is gone. I do love them. If someone can, if someone out there listening can can right twas the night before Christmas. But it's Adam's blow job story. Like she went to the window and threw up the sash. She jumped out of the fucking onto the roof and away she dashed.

Clop clip clap, and some trucks that have been smash.

She juggled his testicles like sugar plums dancing somebody some creative soul out there, my cousin.

Oh boy, so what were you saying, Blake? So you were in a bush? You weren't thirty two allegedly. No, I was. I was a young man, a young may man. I keep saying that.

I don't know, dude, I was a young boy. I was a young boy, a squire. Yeah, so you were a young boy. You were maybe ten, maybe twelve, maybe three.

I think I was younger than ten, twelve, you got it, Okay, So but you were yeah, yeah you had.

I think it's pretty old.

Yeah, I don't think I was. You're risking like her having like hair on her coochie and you not.

By the way, you have kids that are over ten. Yeah, I'm like, I'm putting myself.

You know how old your kids are at ten, So you gotta go. It's a weird.

Sentence to say, but I'm like putting, I'm putting myself in their shoes right now.

And it was definitely a younger, a younger me, younger than that. Yeah. Yeah, this seems like your five year old thing to do. I think it was around that five to six. Yeah.

Wait, so let me get this straight. You were playing basketball, then you put your feet in some little kids shoes and you went over to auch.

No no no, no, no, no no, And you're misquoting me. You're misquoting. Okay, I feel like the ball like maybe it was an airball. The ball rolled into the bushes, and then like you know, the rest was his.

It sounds like the beginning of a porno where it's like you're just hoop of the guys and the ball rolls into some bushes and there's a chick there.

It's like, hey, it showed me your little dick. Dude, so it's a girl. So it's it is a girl, right, you're having a guy, I think, So, oh my.

God, you just showed each other, showed each other butts. He's like, don't for sure if you don't look at me.

And some like butthole looking, So did you see like her vagina or what?

I don't even understand. You can't remember if it's a guy or a girl, like this story is. I think it might have been a dude. All right, Okay, Okay, that checks out. He gave you cousin.

It is very confusing though, when like you you see something that young and you're like, all right, so the vagina's right in the front, it's right there, and then you get older and you're like fooling around and where is this the like where's that god being?

Where the hell is this thing?

The first time I gave a girl? Uh, I fingered a girl? First time I blasted first fingered a girl. My mother in law is right in the kitchen, by the way.

Uh. I was in a Playdasium.

Hey that can this pay for that kitchen? Go ahead?

Yeah, come on?

And h I was in a Playdaisium. And I didn't know to insert. I just thought you sort of just tapped on the outside. That works, So yeah, I didn't know.

You're kind of just smacking it.

They're not that mad at that.

Yeah, yeah, we know she was. She was just sort of like, you could stop.

Now.

I'm like all right, and I success.

I thought you were gonna say, butthole, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go get some more birthday cake. Yes her so so blake?

Is that housekeeping or no?

I think that and that wraps upusekeeping that. Let's get to the pod.

I never had a uh a sort of doctor moment.

I never, no one ever.

I did have my mom's friend's older daughter and her older friends who were five years older than me. I want to say, sure, huh held me down and took my clothes off.

What yeah, way, it's so good.

Way and this is yeah and this is important and uh then they laughed and ran away.

They were probably ten, I was probably five or maybe city that.

It's important you guys, Adam's crying if you're listening.

And you need another four inches and yeah this is triggering. Yeah, and then I I remember being pretty bummed about that.

So sorry you were held down? You were how old?

I think I was five or six?

Okay, these girls are ten or more?

Yeah, nine or ten?

Yeah, and they strip you butt naked and hold you down.

They got got me to my underwear and they held me down. I went on.

So that was it. That was it.

Yeah, yeah, that was the end.

But pretty traumatic. And I didn't even do it. I didn't even get to see nothing. It was just sort of it was kind of sucked for me.

Yeah, it's just them fucking viewing And have you been have you been chasing the adrenaline of that moment?

And this seems like.

That's why I was like, that's I told her to jump out the window. I'm like, yeah, jump out the window. You should jump to the window. That'd be so tight.

Tie me down, tie me down, Hey, stop stop sucking. What jump jump out the window? I guess.

So. So speaking of jumping out the window, I don't like you guys tell me to show my tits. Dude.

So we were we, and I say we, I was dogging on buzzballs. Oh, and I was tiring tiring on buzzball because I thought aggressive.

I thought they did my boy blake a little dirty. I'll admit that. That's what I thought.

And you're vocal, You're a vocal guard.

You're a You're a dog off the leash.

And I stand by that, and I stand by that. They reached out with a very strongly worded email that Isaac actually hyped up the email a little bit more than I thought that. He was like, oh, they came in real hot, and I'm like, oh, is it like season his tiste?

And then it's like kind of nice and polite.

For the most part, it seemed like heartbroken and yet defensive.

Yeah, they were a little defensive. It's yeah, it's like a it's like a bad breakup. They realized, I didn't know we were on bad terms. It's like you knew we were.

Also like, get life, guys, what you don't need to write this dumb ass email.

Yeah, dude, they're bombed.

We're they're saying, we're hurting their brand and and by the way, I am because it's.

A garbage brand and it should be damaged.

Fucking things suck.

Stop dude, stop what are you doing?

Man? These are my friends, so Blake, it says in here, and this is this is why I have even more of a problem with them.

Okay, come on, did you leave them alone? So this is why. So essentially they're saying that Blake said stuff that he didn't say. They're saying that Blake has mentioned. Firstly, Blake has mentioned that he hasn't received his full agreed upon compensation from his contract. I never said that.

Well, I know that Blake has said, Yeah, they fueled me through a few bucks, which is inaccurate. Yeah no, because now we know the real figure all the business.

I have ever done with Buzzball, and I hope to continue doing business with you. It's been it's been lovely. They brought me on to do the commercial. They paid and by the way, I was paid for my services.

You were, you were, But they're saying that you said that you haven't received your full upon compensation, and I want to say, yeah, so that's not true.

You did not say that.

I think he said I got a few thousands.

But some housekeeping here.

It's more than that, but it's not a lot of money for what I think you deserve. I think you I think we needed ten x this number, and I don't think that's an exaggeration. I think it should have been ten x. But that's just me being an advocate for my boy. That being said you this was agreed upon number that you guys agreed upon it.

That's that's fine, Isaac. This is kind of maybe his fault. He allowed you.

Agree upon this very very very in my eyes, bad deal. That was bad for Blake and Uh in turn caused all this this drama.

Any drama, and then you're the one causing the drama.

Then they go SEC and then it's you know, it talks about how much we got paid.

So now we know the exact number.

It's like five paragraphs.

Yeah, it's a long. It's a long.

It's like, I mean, did you I've never written an email this long?

Maybe ever?

Uh?

Is she using chutchbt because the A in the right places. It's very it's very I don't think anybody really writes any because.

If you I'll say, if you go ahead, I'm gonna say, if you work for buzzball, you don't write long emails.

Okay, you're all you're too busy. Buzzing ball. You got a ball, and you got a ball. You got a ball to drop?

It is it is wild. Also, by the way, this is a comedy podcast.

Okay, okay, all right, taking a stand.

This is what we're doing. We're talking about we're talking about buzzballs. We're shooting on a deal.

Gosh, it's fine.

What are you doing? And and if they want to roll like this, guess what, we'll see you.

In court because Blake to see you in court.

What the hell? I'm on the stand?

And who did this? Who did this? Message? Go to?

Uh? I think to Isaac?

What is? What is you?

Better? Low? You're up?

How you.

I haven't listened back to the episode. Something tells me you probably Adam were like, we.

Don't fuck with buzzball. Stop buying buzz balls like band buzzball. What tells you that I didn't I did not say that. I did definitely didn't say band.

I encourage everyone to go out and buy a buzzball.

I think if you have bad buzz buddies.

If you have bad go and buy a busball. That's what I say. Don't support Blake Anderson then.

We're a brotherhood and bud and also Blake the deals up, like the deal? Are you trying to get another one? And by the way, don't show you Isaac slide in Blake's DMS because they were like, you let you. You sent us a message and we left you on red and they like apologized about that, and I'm like, so obviously, just like right back and go, hey, sorry, listen to

I don't like it, We'll see we.

Will see you in court.

So okay.

So then secondly, it says we are just It is disappointing that Adam honed in on on the narrative that Blake was not paid enough for his partnership.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm honed in on it because I don't think he was paid enough. Now it is a little bit more than I thought he was paid. It is a little bit more, but but not by much and definitely not.

What and Isaac stopped sending Adam my paid statements.

Brother, what are you doing on?

This is crazy? And I feel like he behaves zero mention of me, mostly because I don't get into it. Well, guess what I'll be getting into it is.

No call off your dog. They say that they're they they're very happy.

And we hope that this was an Adam rogue feeling. Turns out it's Adam and Anders.

It's not just oh I am.

Now now you are? Yes?

So so actually, you know what I think. I I think it was a misunderstanding. As much as I'm shitting on buzzball, it's a little bit of a misunderstanding. Blake never had any ill will. It was always me because I thought he was underpaid. I thought he shouldn't have been doing these commercials and the amount of work and sweat equity he was putting into the company.

Above and beyond what the amount that he was paid to do. So that's that's why I was a little frustrated. And then when we were on the road and we.

Had asked for buzzballs, we weren't getting them on time. It wasn't logistical issues. Not towards the end of the tour, if you remember.

They slewed down because some cities weren't carrying buzzballs yet. We got, you know, freaking buzz buddies hashtag buzz Buddies, not buzzballers or brothers in buzz something.

I'm just trying to get the entire name of the product in there.

I just need it.

I need a I need a movement. I need TII Nation to pull up show your buzzball.

You're not getting paid for this. In fact, you weren't even really getting paid before. After taxes and everything comes out of that. You can't even buy a like a. I mean you you're looking to get a good car wash.

You lose.

You're looking to get like a by an entire car like no, no, no, no no. I'm talking about get you a nice, nice car wash. How much is a nice car wash?

Just about as much as you got paid after taxes and paying all your people.

I go to the self served car wash where you like put the quarters in, I clean my ship really nice.

Okay, I'm just saying that's the way to go. They paid me a car wash fee. They got they gave you a car wash fee. In my eyes, in my eyes?

What what? What's the number? Can we try and do this? It might not be easy, but Adam and Blake for the done. I want you guys at the exact same time to say the number you think they should have been paid, and I say they Because I don't know what's going on, I would go a little higher.

I'm gonna go a little lower than I think I would want the deal to land. But I think a fair deal.

Three three two one, free buzz.

Seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What the hell?

Freeze? But he said free buzzballs. You said free buzzballs.

Yeah, pay me in balls.

Well, Blake, with seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars, you then could just buy a car wash, all the buzzball, as many buzzballs as you could ever want.

Mm hmm in the car wash or no, doncate that's true.

Well you're getting more than the car Washyah.

That's a that's a you know what, that's a hard bargain. It was kind of like a homie deal. It's like me and buzzballs.

But by the way, you don't know these people. You set a homie deal, like you know who they are? I did.

I think they know there's new people working there. But I have a relationship with the Buzzball homies just through d MS.

Dude, you can't just DM a company and then they DM you back and you act like you know the owner.

Then your home.

If it was a friend of yours, if a Teaba started Buzzballs, then yeah, give a Teaba the homie deal.

And in fact, I hope a Tiba would give you.

A homie deal and pay you well because he knows you're going to go out there and actually support the brand shield with the shield.

So that's that.

That was my And by the way, Isaac told Isaac told us, maybe don't talk about this on the.

Podcast, but here we are, and we'll see you in court.

You know, we can finish this conversation in court.

All right, My.

Lips are sealed, sir, podcast or any accusation.

I mean, I would love to double down.

I stand where my my buzz my buzz brotherhood.

I love Buzzballs. They've treated me just fine.

If I could maybe get one of those Lonzo ball balls, that would make everything right.

Okay.

They did by absolutely ignoring your podcast when you reached out several times, they never they didn't get back to you, YadA YadA.

But can I just say something out loud about buzz hey buzzballs? Come on, you're doing a Lonzo ball ball? What what genius put that together? Stop?

Leave them a alone, dude, they're leave them alone?

What are you guys doing?

I'm I'm just mad that I mentioned em.

Yeah, I know, And in fact, I think the lonzo ball ball is kind of tight.

That's really tight. Yeah, that's really tight.

Co It's it's what it tastes like to me, And that's that's the that's what that's what I don't like.

Taste like lonzo ball.

I had buzzballs yesterday at the Red Fairy. It was it was fantastic.

Oh yeah, talker talk a little bit about this rent fair.

I was it?

I mean it was perfect.

Is this the Pleasure Fair?

Oh yeah, lots of pleasure. Lots of pleasure.

My kids went, My kids went last weekend.

Oh did they love it?

They got like they got lost for an hour and like became men.

Oh wow, okay, hell yeah I got a sword fight. Okay, that's actually trying to say.

Yeah, I feel like this is kind of a scary place to get lost. There's just like fire breathers and like, yeah, that's super scary.

Yeah, maidens with some big jokes.

You didn't go. Maybe it was maybe they were supposed to go, and then the kids who they went, Yeah, I don't know if they did go. Oh the kids who they were supposed to go with got lost.

I can't remember.

I've been all over the place they were supposed to go. Okay, they went, maybe they did go.

All right, all right, well, who knows. Well, talk to your talk to your family. And I find that was the middle.

You you gotta go to the you gotta show up at the dinner table.

Come on, bud, you gotta gotta talk to your fans.

What is your favorite part. I've never been to a ren fair. It doesn't I'm sure I would like it. I'm sure because I usually like a spectacle or like performance. But it does seem a little crusty for me, okay, And it does seem like maybe there's smells.

Is there a VIP area for Adam or No?

No, no, it's not about VIP. It's about you know, it's about the.

Smells of of people dressed in like old timey leathers and stuff.

Bro, I walked by this dude in a wizard hat. I looked at his face. It was fucking Dave Groll. He was there just posted like.

Do you say what's up? I didn't say what's up? I was too scared. Why because maybe he didn't want to be noticed or something.

He's Dave Kroll. If he leaves the house, he's like, I can't wait to go get noticed out there.

Well, it was, it was. It was wild.

Isn't that the case? If you go somewhere and you're that famous, you're going to go.

You're good to be noticed.

Yeah, but maybe the rent Fair is the only, you know, place to get away, his only escape.

No, no, no, I don't think so. If you saw a face, no it.

Roll is a very nice guy. He's a cool guy. Seems awesome. Yeah, I've met him. He's cool, he's fun.

Yeah, well it was a blast. I would I would love for you guys to come to the rent Fair with me. I think, well, yeah, all you gotta do is invite me.

Dude. I feel like I'm throwing out invites all the time.

I'm always you know that works right, right, I'm always hitting up Blake saying what are you what are you doing?

I do we went to a Turnstile show this week?

He did, yeah, and uh, And I was basically begging Blake if I could roll with He was like, yeah, we might roll out and I'm like, is it could I.

Roll getting radical? This is not true, this is not true.

And he's like yeah, and then he he doesn't say yes, he just says all the people that are going, and I'm.

Like, that is not true.

You were like, because there was a basketball game, You're like, you want to much a basketball game tonight, I'm like going to the Turnstile Show and you're like.

And by the way, you didn't invite me. You didn't invite me in that moment. Well, you said I'm going to the Turnstile show.

I'm like, and you're you responded with like, bummer, I don't feel like I can't because.

My back hurts. That is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the rest of the day went on and I'm like, here's where I'm watching the basketball game, come join me, and then you rallied and went.

To the show like a freaking gangster.

Yeah, you're right, that is kind of what happened. Yeah, I was trying to paint you in a bad light.

That's a villain. That's a villain.

Yeah yeah, not that really kind of was intense, and then not yeah, well because I thought I yeah, I was kind of.

I was, Yes, you're right, kind of a little dramatic. That's not very cat damic.

Guys, listen, and this is what it's like being a friend of Adams. He's like, wait a second, fucking what you didn't And then well, okay, yeah, no you did, okay, yeah, and it was fun and thank you, thank you? Did I say thank you?

Swing hard Man? Yeah, dude, I try my best to be your best.

Friend, a little bipolar bear, but but turnstile, my cousins.

How was the show? Where was the show?

It was great at the Ukrainian Cultural Center, which was hilarious.

It was just this big ass room, like a gymnasium.

Yeah, it sort of felt like a sick gymnasium. Where is that, uh East Hollywood?

Yeah?

Eho, and it was it was sick. A t bow really hooked it up.

And where's East Hollywood?

East of Holly? East Holly?

This like Gower? Is that on Gower?

Ye?

Yeah?

The Ukrainian Yeah, a little east of that. Yeah, it might have been right on Gower. In fact, was by a college parked out of college. Yes, what the fuck? What the yeah?

So and the show was absolutely sick. Blake's girls friend who was with us, who was the homie. He was a great guy. He bought a lot of Medello's for the crew. He kept buying buckets of Medellos. And I saw him just like sweaty kids who like look exhausted. He would just hand them a Medello and change their life. I'm like, this guy's a freaking Peter, Like he's just a.

Get, Like, this guy works for Medello. No, he got to Adam, Yeah, Adam, So you don't even know how the world works. There's puppeteer.

So he was just the man.

And then and then he's like, uh, okay, I'm gonna go to the pit, and you're like all right, And the pit's up there and it's rowdy, but you know, yeah, if you could handle yourself. He wasn't like a frail little guy or anything. I think he can probably handle himself. And the next time I saw him, he was covered in blood, soaking king wet head.

His nose was all fucked up.

He was a me.

His lip was busted open.

But I I think he wanted that for himself. He was like putting that into existence. I think, you know, he like a suit and tie job.

Yeah, he was telling me like he's he's like a business guy. He's like a business manager of financial advisor or something.

I think he I think he was going there to let the wheels come off a little bit.

Well, good for him, the wheels are off.

I mean, that's kind of fun because then you get to go back to your financial job and you get to be like what it's like.

It's like Adam doesn't even understand goerrilla marketing, like he obviously works for Clorox or some sort of cleaning company and you he was like, all the blood on my shirt, don't worry, man, I'm going home. I'm gonna tie this out. Like we're good.

He wanted to go stick.

Yeah, you want to go, Marketer, Adam. It's crazy to me that you business.

That's actually that. I wasn't able to put that together.

That is crazy. But the show was. The show was unreal, dude. The show was pretty fucking great.

It was I'm very excited for their new album to come out. It's going to be it's gonna be a good end.

Me too.

There's there's special. It was cool. It was cool scene. Uh, it was.

Cool seeing everyone that we rolled with because I don't get to see a lot of those guys that often. It was cool scene turnstile I was able to there was no place to sit.

I was very worried about it.

Yeah, so this is a standing room only.

Yeah.

My back was fucked up, and I was like, oh, dude, Like the night before, I stood in line for fifty minutes out of LA trying to get my car and I had to go home and lay on the floor an hour afterwards.

I was like, fucked up, And so does that get you right? Laying on the floor. Yeah, laying on the floor helps.

So then I'm like the next day, I'm like, my back is still fucking tweaked.

But that concert and I.

Was like, God, I really want to go. And then Blake didn't invite me. But then he did, and uh sort of sort of did. I sort of just tagged along. Yeah, yeah, cool, here I can see now it's see how the truth comes out. He didn't invite me. I did just show up to watch basketball and then I just sort of came to.

The show kind of shoehorn yourself in, yes, like yeah, yeah, yeah. I did have a plus two though, so I really I could have got you in.

Okay, who was your plus one girl, Samantha?

Yeah, okay, uh, but then I just got in, So you did.

Yeah you did, so everybody's happy. Yeah, so you could have invited You could have invited me and I'll invite you guys to the ren Fair. You could have see see, this is what I was saying.

I knew he didn't actually invite me. You could have just invited me. But dude, I'm I'm a famous friend, so I could just go and they'll just let me in. But I understand if you're just inviting like an old homie, it'll be harder because you got to get.

Him on the list. But with me or for Durs, you could just invite his places. We'll find. It's not like that.

I just pull out the IMDb on the phone and it's a rap broude.

This is very much a workaholics crowd. Yeah, your old dad.

I don't I don't think to invite you because you're not always local, you know what I mean?

That's it dude, I texted you. I texted you, and then I went and hung out with you.

Right.

Right, there is that, Yeah, there is that. And I probably should have been like, oh you come out tonight. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah, my bad. It's okay, my bad, It's okay bad. I understand that it was.

It was very much like all the guys with their girls, and I was like the odd duck out.

But yeah, well we're just realizing is Adam's needy and Blake fucking step up?

Yeah, you're an asshole, but we had a great time fulfilled. I gave my cousin. I gave my cousin.

Right, do you want to take back that you took him, Blake or did you even take him or did he take himself?

Well technically I took him, yeah, and then I gave you guys home.

It was really kind of yeah, yeah.

Good guy.

It was really kind of just wish you could be nicer to Buzzballs. But aside from that, you're a pretty good friends.

If they were better to you, I would be better to that.

He's spending your dude.

This is like a This is like an ex who was nasty to you, who never treated you right, and you're you're like trying to get back to her because you like it was like the first one right right yeah curl yeah, like yeah exactly yeah no curler Yeah. So any take backs and apologies, any epics, slams, I got nothing.

I'd just like to uplift buzzballs again. I get no harm, no foul, sorry about so.

Yeah, and like and in court when we're not litigating your asses, I think that's what they do. I don't know. Uh, we'll talk about, like, would you do another stint with buzzballs or no, I would I would love to. And Buzzballs you heard it here first. You heard it here first, Buzzballs. It's the balls in your court. Yeah, literally in your cord.

So dude, nice well, balls in your.

I'm sure they cont that, yes, And I stand by absolutely everything I said, specifically about buzzball uh and uh.

And I'm glad, you know what.

I'm glad I didn't call out uh that girl's name from the story because it was on the tip of my tongue.

I almost dropped it.

And then I'm like, this is called being an adult, being responsible, being respectful.

What are you so proud of you? But Adam and I also of course.

Yeah yeah, also obviously yeah to you fair.

I guess I'm as is a.

Little, a little dustier, a little wider, all right, So play a Blake, play us out with with our song, please pay.

This was another episode of Important Came my Carl, that's hard. Tame my car, that's hard. I can give car the jack I gave my cod House.