Music. Conversations with. My name is Shaylee Huggendorn and I live with Bipolar II disorder. Sharing with others is healing both individually and collectively. Sharing our stories will educate others, bring more understanding, shed more light and smash more stigma. Our voices need to be heard. Our stories aren't over yet. This is Bipolar. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of This is Bipolar.
I am Shaylee Hugendorn. I'm your host. I am a mom, I'm a teacher, I'm a wife, and I am a content creator. I also live with bipolar 2 disorder. If it's your first time, welcome. This episode is a solo episode. That means it's me. I am here today to talk about hypomania. I brought it up on Instagram and I asked the question, what are your early warning signs? And I shared some of my early warning signs and there was such a huge response that I thought it would be a great way to do a solo episode.
It's also going to be a part of some new shorter podcast episodes that I'm going going to do, where I'm also going to share from the community, from the Instagram community or people that have emailed. And so if you're watching on YouTube, it's going to be a lot of me looking down and reading, but I think that information and the language and the perspective of all the bipolar bears on Instagram have really helped me. It's helped me, felt understood. It's It's given me language.
It's made me feel so many me too's and feeling less alone. There's always so much magic in that. I never, ever get tired of hearing of your experiences. So I'll start off with a little bit of mine and then I'll jump into some other folks. Okay. Probably no. For me personally, I am pro-medicine and I am med-compliant, which means, unless I accidentally forget, I try my hardest to stay on top of that because it makes such a difference in my life with managing my bipolar 2 disorder.
I find that I was unable and unaware to be as self-reflective as I am now and self-aware. I'm going to talk about early warning signs, and then I'm going to do a follow-up episode on full-blown, and then also tips and tricks, and that even sounds weird, like strategies that help me, and hopefully I'll get some information from you all to see what helps you.
So let's get started. Now that I'm on medication and have been for 14 years since I was diagnosed in 2010, I I am able to see early warning signs. My hypomania before diagnosis was literally snap and I would turn from depression to hypomania and I didn't see any early warning signs. Now it's different on meds because I'm not as cyclical. It's not as predictable, my episodes. And so the things, it's still around the same time of the year. It usually starts in spring. It gets lighter.
There's a time change. It is literally one hour, but it makes such a difference. And so I notice that the biggest thing is sleeping less. And it's a little bit harder to detect now that I take nighttime meds because the side effects are less. Like exhaustion pretty much. And I wake up foggy and it takes me a while to get up and I could sleep 12, 13 hours on it if I allowed myself to. And so when I'm waking up and feeling a teeny bit refreshed or waking up before
my alarm clock, are you kidding me? Number one sign. Second sign is I start to get racing thoughts and flight of ideas. Flight of ideas is when you get a whole bunch of ideas, whether they're creative ideas, whether they are things you want to do with your life. And mine comes a lot with creative ideas, projects, but also wanting to change everything. So I start finding myself on Amazon or in stores wanting to do things that I had no energy to do over Christmas.
A big thing I buy and overspend on, which is another thing, is containers and baskets, and I start organizing things that I've been thinking about organizing for. Months, and I just get her done. I've literally thought about it for months and months, and I just get it done. This is a message for all my listeners that have bipolar 1 disorder or major depressive disorder.
Do you feel like your voice isn't being heard or that your lived experience with your disorder isn't being validated or valued, I have felt the exact same way. That is why I became a mental health advocate. I am proud to partner with Health Influencers United and C-Space to offer an opportunity for participants to be a part of new market research. Together, we can have our voices be heard and we can help shape the future of health support.
By sharing your unique experience with major depressive disorder or bipolar 1, you have the power to create some positive change. Your insight could guide companies in understanding our needs and helping support us better. In this group, you will be connecting with others, you may find comfort in these open discussions, in seeing that you are not alone in your experience. In joining this community, you're contributing to advancing healthcare.
You'll be compensated for your time and for your insight. We deeply respect your privacy, so your participation is treated with the utmost care, and there are confidentiality protocols so your personal information and identity will be safe. If you're diagnosed with bipolar 1 or major depressive disorder and are taking at least one treatment, this opportunity is for you. Go down into the show notes, click the link and see if you qualify. That leads me to spending. I get very excited.
Summer is my favorite season and it rains a lot here in Vancouver, Canada, where I live. And so the sun coming out, I am really affected by light. And so I noticed that right away and I can feel it in my body. So I feel just a little bit more amped up, ready to go. I want to get things done. Sometimes I even start my work before my feet hit the floor. I literally find it funny, not funny, that I have been having hypomanic symptoms right now.
A couple of days ago, it happens because this time I think it was a little bit triggered by vacation because we know with bipolar brain change. So change always affects things. I noticed that I'm talking faster. I am interrupting my family a lot. I have the ideas. is. But another thing that I have that isn't the exciting part of hypomania is I'm hot and then I'm cold and then I'm uncomfortable and itchy and my tags bother me, which they don't really bother me that much in the winter.
And I can't handle being hot and cold. I can't focus if it's too hot in a room and I can't. And then all of a sudden I'll get cold and it's too much. And so I start getting what I call my spidey senses. Everything is brighter. Every noise is bothering me a little bit more and I'm a little bit more irritable. So those would be warning signs. Definitely the flight of ideas. Definitely wanted to do things. One thing that's a little bit different is that I become indecisive and anxious.
And so even though I have all those ideas and all that that confidence, I want to make the absolute best choice in everything I do. And so I think a million miles ahead. So I think of everything that could go wrong in every scenario, and I can always find something that would go wrong. And then I try to pick the best one. And I don't listen to anybody else's ideas because they haven't thought that far ahead.
Therefore, I don't think their ideas are good, which is not helpful in relationships for sure. And so I have a hard time making the best decision. So then I sometimes don't make the decision. Like for example. I want to do something summery. I'm feeling like we ought to do something summery. We're wasting our summer. I get like that. And then it's like, okay, let's go to the beach for dinner. And then I can't
figure out which beach would be the best. Would it be best to take takeout? Would it be best? And I go around and around and then I run out of time. And then we're like, are we going to the beach? Or I've had an argument with my family because I'm trying to control everything and I can't make a decision and it's frustrating for everyone. And so that's some of my big, big warning signs. And in the next episode, I'll tell you how that can ramp up and the next one, what I do about it.
Let's get right into the community and let's get right into your thoughts and your early warning signs. I just was blown away at these messages. I'm so grateful for them. And so let's just get started. I want to read some of the answers. I'm so grateful for the Instagram community. If you're someone that's just listening, go and join the Instagram community. It is at this.is.bipolar. I also have subscriptions there.
So if you subscribe, you press the subscribe button. There's a monthly fee, $6.99 US dollars. And we have peer support group meetings. That's probably the most exciting thing. and then you get access to exclusive Going Deeper episodes. You get to have them four to six weeks before they go out to the public. So you get the first listen and then there's extra content. And the other thing is our chat. We have a lively chat where you can, there's people from all over the world.
So basically you can message in our group at any time and there's probably someone there for you. So go join subscriptions. It would be amazing to have you there. I would love, love, love it. Okay, let's get started with some of the comments. These are, I'm going to read them, but I'm going to keep them anonymous. So I asked, what are your early warning signs for hypomania? Okay, so it says, I don't want to eat because I'm too busy doing my fun things.
Executive function and ability to discern which tasks to prioritize is gone. Hello. Yes. I feel that executive function, it just means being able to do things in order and just keeping track of things. And so I hear you discerning which tasks I'll spend so much time doing something that doesn't matter. Same person has more, it says, and feeling offended when people want me to stop because I can't help the chatter and it's too fun. Why are you trying to kill my vibe? Oh my goodness. Yes.
Yes, I feel the same way. Like, why do my children need to stop doing my project to eat dinner? No. Or groceries. Yeah. The next one says, I am hyperverbal. Don't care what someone tells me. I want to keep talking because my mind is racing, especially on topics I already think about. My special interests and I struggle to plan. How will I paint my nails and then finish the bathroom and then do the puzzle?
And then they're trying to show their thought process when they have a flight of ideas, which I was talking about before. Bursts of energy, colors start looking more vivid, says I'm definitely more aggressive, and I feel that too. I definitely feel more aggressive, for sure, with my words and my opinions. Then we have someone else that says that they can't tell. They have bipolar with a comorbidity of ADHD. So it says, I used to get waves of euphoria for a short time,
but hasn't happened since they got on the right meds. Yeah, definitely helps with that. Someone said, and this is a resounding answer to my question, it all has to do with sleep, right? Sleep and rhythms and energy and light.
So it says, lack of sleep for me. Sleep's not needed. there's more important things to do yes all our projects says also feeling on top of the world okay while simultaneously feeling irritated annoyed by everything talking too much and always feeling tired but can't sleep oh yes the next one it says impulsive behavior even overly creative and wanting to share ideas wasting money on careless things i can't afford and no appetite. Yes.
I'm seeing a big pattern and this is something that's really hard to talk about with bipolar disorder. And it was somewhat shameful for me before, but the anger and. Rage outbursts, and I don't mean in a violent way, but I was so trying to keep it together and having all these feelings and hypomania is a full body experience, right?
It's not just in your head and so I'm very snappy and my husband would say like aggressive about everything even, what do you want for dinner and he'd give two options like obviously I want this he says that I just have really strong aggressive opinions and then a couple hours later I'll think back and I'm like I didn't actually care why did I react that way so I know that I have hypomania, But this one, I think they explained this really well.
So I want to read it. And I love the way that they wrote it. So it says, sleep is defo a big one for me because I love sleep. So finding myself staying up till stupid o'clock in those hours, I'm doing random things like housework that really doesn't need to be done at 2 a.m.
Or I realize I've been obsessively in the medical way, been down a rabbit hole about something on the internet or adding more and more things to my Amazon basket because I I have a great idea, quotation marks, about a project or how I'll change my entire appearance. And that's when I go, I'll keep an eye on that. And the next day I'm restless. And again, I don't sleep. And it starts all over again. Yeah. Hamster wheel, right? Let's see. A lot of people in Somnia, brilliant plans.
So many people said that they start getting an idea about writing a book. It's a very common thing also this says waking up feeling like my eyes are wide open colors are more intense thinking about learning sports that i know will injure me that made me laugh and for some people more than one person put that they can't stop singing and i thought that was really interesting. Of course, came up sexual appetite and hypersexuality. And then just irritability is a big one. One says.
A clear warning sign is that they get very loose with their language and curse a lot, no matter who they're with. And I get what they mean about loose with their language. Like I would be more careful or tactful or that's an inside thought, Shaylee. So I hear you. Someone said crying at literally everything that passes in my timeline, thinking everyone is leaving me behind and I have to do more and more. Yeah.
Yeah. Tons of motivation that I haven't had in a while. Joking around, talking loudly, laughing. Lots of texting. Oh my gosh, you guys. The amount of texting I do. And I literally tell my friends, get ready because the amount of memes. I send a lot on a normal day, but my texts are really long. And I don't know about you, but I don't have time to type a text. I have too much to say. So I do talk to text and then who has time to edit?
So I send messages all the time that my friends have to encode. It's so bad, but they love me. And if it's professional, of course I edit it. But even my emails, everything I try to do, talk to text, which is hilarious. And the length and amount of text.
And another thing for me, because everything has such deep meaning, like every song I hear, or memes it makes me think of the people I love and so I'm always like sending them things this reminded me of you this reminded me of you and it like luckily they're my friends otherwise they would think that I was really into them like in not a normal way more creepy but they get it so yeah buying stuff you don't need
this grandiosity right the thinking that we can do things that we We have no business trying. To someone that doesn't have bipolar disorder that thinks, oh, you just have high self-esteem. No, like I'm thinking that I can be in the Olympics and I can't run a mile. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you and you can convince people I've gotten like jobs or things where I have no experience and I don't even know how I'm on this board of something.
And I generally can be good at it if it's not something that I haven't studied, right? Oh my gosh. There's this one thing where I ended up, I really needed money. And so I was trying to find different ways to supplement school. And this phone call came when people used to call people from Mr. Mike's, it's a steakhouse. And they wanted to, they didn't say at first, but they asked me if I liked going out for dinner and restaurants. Yes, yes. They say, oh, you qualify, come to this hotel.
And we looked it up. It wasn't creepy. Come to this hotel tell and be a part of this market research. So I got there and then we found out it was Mr. Mike's Steakhouse. So y'all, I'm vegetarian, but I'm like, you know what? I want my $80 and I'm just going to have opinions. And I convinced myself that I was like the biggest steak eater in the history of steak eaters. And I ended up leading my group. I ended up helping them create a menu and sorry, Mr.
Mike's, I will never eat your steak or anyone else's. So yeah, thinking you can do things and sometimes pulling it off, sometimes a failing. Restlessness. I get the shaky leg. I can't keep my body still. Yep. Same. Joking a lot, right? Joking a lot. I know that I think I'm hilarious. I laugh at my jokes more than other people do. And then the next day, right? What did I say?
So I hear that one. Someone said that if they have two bad nights of sleep combined with some stress, then they're all over the place and they have big ideas for the future that are unrealistic. I hear that over and over again and the urge to share those ideas. Yeah, people have, someone wrote in that they thought that they were going to be the next Taylor Swift and you believe leave it.
There's a lot too with full-blown mania and psychosis where you actually think you're a religious figure, et cetera. Yep. Rollercoaster. So many hobbies. I think that, yeah. So this one I thought was interesting. Skin itching and irritation and thirsts. I thought that was really interesting. And it talked about contacting strangers. Y'all, I do embarrassing things before medication. I would contact people that, Facebook did this to me.
It's before all the other things. But I would see or contact someone from like high school or like whatever. And I was like, we should get together. And I'd make all these plans with people that I do not want to hang out with. There's a reason we don't talk anymore, probably. And then I crash and then I have to cancel all those things. But yes, definitely. It said they get really into astrology and think everything is about them and stars are aligning for sure.
I love this one. It said, things start to feel lighter, if that makes sense. Everything feels brighter. The air feels crispier. Sun feels warmer. All your senses have been heightened. Yep. Spidey senses. That's what I call them. As soon as I get my spidey senses, I know it's time to kick it into high gear and find my management tools. Noise sensitive. Absolutely. A lot of of people said, which I never thought about before, and I think that this is something I do, the urge to dance.
I thought that was really interesting. Another thing that a lot of people said that you have to be really careful if you're starting to get hypomanic or manic is the posting online. Oh, I'm glad that it was only Facebook before I was medicated because, yikes, some of the things that we think are good ideas or appropriate to put online, right? Yeah. Writing more. A lot of people writing, writing, writing. Yeah, someone said, the biggest yellow light for me is that I start thinking
every meme is the funniest thing and I have to send it to everyone I know. Friend, I am with you. Light and floaty, pressured speech, urgency. Yes, I read somewhere that I think it was a meme or something somebody made in the bipolar mental health advocacy community online. And it said, manic ideas aren't suggestions, they're orders.
And that's what it feels like right it's so urgent you have to do it i literally have felt if i don't do this i might perish and i don't know everything moving quickly i bump into things and i i notice i have random bruises because my body isn't moving fast as my brain so i get weird spatial awareness isn't that interesting suspiciously happy someone says that they make very rash decisions yep Yep. And it's interesting, there was a mix between not eating and eating too much.
So there's just kind of like depression, but stumbling over your words. And it says like, when things aren't perfect, you angrily, this one said, their house isn't perfectly clean, angry clean. I noticed that I get very picky with my family.
Obviously, right after I do the dishes and the kitchen looks clean i'd like it to stay a little bit but i like lose it and i'm like nobody care nobody takes care of this place and my kids know they're like so yeah these ones all sleeping can't stop shopping i love this explanation it's like an itch i can't scratch and the urge to spend money just doesn't go away and they the things you're buying i feel like they're going to change my life. The things that I buy, I really do.
Yeah. Echo what was already said, hypersexuality. Some people start to think about traveling and moving. It's like when you start to think about changing everything about your life, don't make those choices during hypomania, right?
Some people said it starts with five small orders of Amazon and it just starts and then more scrolling and it just the beginning little twinges of anxiety until it's full blown yep talking in a sense incessantly oh this one assuming people are talking about me in a social setting yeah because it's all about us right and they could be not oh i love this one i don't love it it's horrible that it happens but i thought it was
fascinating i full-on believe that my favorite recording artist will discover me on Instagram and find me on stage in a tour. And I feel like I just did an illicit drug. And they talk about how, yeah, how wonderful it would be to be found. Waking up so many. Yeah, strong urge to converse with people I haven't talked to in a long time, basically over communication. So, those are a bunch that people shared.
I remember someone else wrote that it feels like being in a washing machine with an agitator and you just can't get out. And I thought that was a really interesting way to explain it. So, yeah, this is the short episode just telling and you have some early warning signs. I hope this helps other people feel less alone or weird or like it's only them because these are like actually symptoms and not just what sometimes people perceive as personality flaws, right? Especially with the anger one.
I hope you'll come back and listen to the follow-up episode that's going to have things that we do, tips and tricks, and I'll be asking the Instagram community again. So make sure you go on there. I love doing this. It is so fun. I have learned so much from you all. If you are someone that's not on Instagram, I am on Facebook. This is bipolar, but not as often. Or feel free, you can email me at thisisbipolarpodcast.gmail.com if you wanted to share your early warning signs.
I would love to hear it. And I would definitely love to hear your tips and tricks and strategies to help. I think it's really important. I never knew about my early warning signs. And I think it's really important to write it down. Because when you're feeling them, it's hard to be self-reflective when you're all consumed by it. And I think that if you have that, and then I have a plan of what to do with it. Because I actually need physical paper to remind myself.
Because those things, strategies that help, don't come naturally in this time. I want to do the exact opposite of the things that would probably help me. And yeah, it was really fun doing this. Let me know. Send me messages if you like the short episodes. Yeah, I might bring some people on to talk about other topics. So I always love your feedback. Send me messages. Send me your experiences. Thank you for listening. This is Bipolar.
Thanks again for tuning in. You can find video versions of This is Bipolar on our YouTube channel. We also have all our previous episodes of the podcast on Apple, Podbean, Spotify, and Google Play. We spend most of our time on Instagram at this.is.bipolar. There is a vibrant community there where we have conversations and post different ideas and different strategies. And we'd just love for you to join us there.
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