Revenge of the Nerd | Kash Patel

Hello again, my soft pretzel bites. Welcome to this fucking guy, a podcast about self-care. If self-care is one long scream into the void. Here is where we use expletives and alcohol to emotionally process the jerks, creeps, and P-words that compose the shitty elevator music of our lives. I am registered to vote, Ren Martinez. And I am also registered to vote hint hint ginger gollop.

remember when I'm pretty sure it was Kanye who was like leading the Rock the Vote campaign back in the day? The early two thousands were a fever dream. It was simultane the two thousands was an interesting time of being both simultaneously incredibly depressing with like the Iraq war and the two thousand eight financial crisis, but also everyone was committed to being young, dumb, full of cum. We are just don't care through your hands in the air. You know what I mean? Like it was

It was pure nihilism. It was pure nihilism. It was the air people I feel like forget that Kanye West's first real hit was Jesus Walks With Me into Club. That is funny. But uh yeah. So Ren, right before we hit record, you said that you needed to share something absolutely heinous with me, either in conjunction with

or following my scream into the void and frankly I cannot wait any longer. You must tell me. You simply must. So speaking of uh registering to vote, uh this article came up under uh the RVA subreddit Um this is from the advocate. Here is the uh title. Gay Virginia Republican plagued by Nazi Porn Scandal Bragg's running mate is a hundred percent against marriage equality. I forgot about this. This should have been my scream into the void in the first place.

Now guys, uh you all know that we're in we we live in Virginia in the central Virginia area of some kind, and we do have a governor's race happening this year. There sure is. It's going. My scream into the void is also about an area of this. Yeah, so the one that you're not covering. Interesting. So On the uh Democrat side, there is a super centrist lady who used to work at the CIA who at least isn't going to like let us devolve into fascism. She's nice. I've met her before.

And then on the right, there is our gubernatorial candidate, uh Earl Winsom Sears. Winsome Earl Sears. Uh Winsome Earl Sears, I apologize. Um to my listeners, not to her. Um, who looks like she stuck her finger into an electrical socket five minutes before the interview. and has campaigned not a once during this. During this thing. She is basically hidden in a hole.

Other than her very weird attack ads, I think it's'cause she knows that she can't be in front of people. Um, friend of the show Hannah let me know that uh she was at a rally actually during COVID, like two thousand one, two thousand two.

And um there was just maybe it was more recent l no, it was more recently'cause she was actively lieutenant governor when it happened. And uh my friend was saying, like, yeah, I was just at this rally and there was all of these cameras that were interviewing people and then they all sort of flocked to this one weird random lady who didn't look well and it turns out that was just Winsome Earl Sears just sorta wandered in, looked like she was lost.

I she does she really does give the vibe of a dementia patient who found the exit door. Um, so her the lieutenant governor candidate is John Reed, who is an out-gay Republican, which I'm always like Huh. Have you have you heard a thing ever? Anyway, um so he was on um a radio show. And he was asked to name an issue on which he and Earl Sears disagree. And John said, Oh, she's not for gay marriage. Wow. But this is also a guy who was newly linked to a Nazi themed pornography tumbler blog.

On a social media account he allegedly operated. Listeners uh listener Gretchen, if any of you Out there have listened to whatever an episode it was. I swear to God, this was a scream into the void like five years ago when he was running for office originally. Oh my God. He has returned. He has returned. He's still horny. He's still horny. Um yeah, so the blog has now been deleted.

But apparently there was like uh he he The way back machine is forever. The the user in question who people believe uh This is this guy. Uh shared uh certain images, for example, like a a student in underwear um from a Tumblr account called Obedient N word DC. who described himself as a subservient N word who knows his place in society, and invited superior white men near Washington DC to make contact to teach him his place. Now,

Th this is our month this is our holy month of Kinktober in the fandom and fetish spaces where we are supposed to be generating kink content every day for the month. This is not what we mean. I w I was not aware of that specifically. I do know that Halloween is straight people pride. Um, so it's where all the straight people wear um their bondage out in public uh and just let their free flag fly and you know what? Good for them. Good for them. Um but speaking of

Nothing. Uh I guess what was that scream into the void that was slightly related? Oh God, Ren, have ya heard of fucking Attorney General nominee Jay Jones? Oh no. Yeah. This is the one where no one knows office memes. Mm, well, it's certainly the one where uh you know, millennials putting their f their feet in their mouths and not really like understanding who you should

Um, who you should text jokes about gun violence to and who you shouldn't. Now this Apparently this is legitimately from like this is referencing like a a quote from the office. Apparently so. Which I've never seen. It's referencing a whole bunch of stuff. I have heard many people make this joke. Maybe they were referencing The Office. Do I like The Office? Have I watched all of The Office? Certainly not. And that's the thing that people find most objectionable about me. And

Therefore, I can't say definitively if it's an office reference or not, but he basically texted Some colleague not close friend, but a Republican colleague, that if he was in a room with Pol Pot Adolf Hitler and the then Republican Speaker of the Virginia State House, uh with a gun and two bullets he would shoot this one guy twice. Which yes, actually the now that I'm thinking about it, that is an office that is an office meme about Toby, huh?

The thing is Here here's actually where my my take is. Um is that something you should text to people? Probably not. Particularly if you're in the public space. Like you gotta know. You gotta know. Like guys Your texts are gonna come out, your n your Nazi pornography blogs are gonna be revealed. Like you gotta You can't play around with that shit. At the same time, though, like that is so mild. That is so mild.

When we've seen the things that people on the right say. And the mistake to me here is from uh Spanberger and Hashmi for not just ignoring the shit out of it. Because like you know what would happen if one of the people on the right said some shit, they wouldn't the the people on the right running with them wouldn't say a damn thing. They would not give a shit and they win elections. So who cares? Who cares, man? Well, and that's exactly the discourse. Like I were it not

an a meme from the office. And like that wasn't all he said. He apparently said something in person that's not written down about like that I've seen it reported as that he hoped that this guy would lose his kids to gunfire and so he would really understand the issue. Do I believe that that's what he said? No. No, but like he he confirmed in the text or something that like people don't understand certain issues without a personal connection.

Whatever, whatever, whatever. Uh these are t like two ass year old memes. And clearly they are coming out right now. Clearly they have been strategically held to like try to make Abigail Span burger somehow look bad by association in the very last dregs of the campaign'cause I don't think that it would have gotten any attention otherwise, were it not for the fact that like a couple of things have shifted in really weird ways and

God, I don't know. It's just so stupid. And this guy's a fucking idiot. Like don't get me wrong. This guy's a fucking idiot. The thing is is that like I I don't know why Democrats haven't figured this out by now, which is that You've already secured your base, right? Like you you got people who are gonna vote blue no matter who, right? And the Republicans have secured their base, right? You are never going to get somebody even considering

considering the right to vote for you, right? So like Uh stop catering to this like quote unquote moderate undetermined voter who one I truly don't believe really exists anymore because if when I hear people at this point in our political discourse, when people say, Oh, I'm actually a centrist, I'm actually moderate like, Oh, so you're a Republican

You just don't want to admit it out loud in person'cause you're not sure what the vibe is with everyone in this group. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't want to deal with the social repercussions of actually saying you're conservative. So they I'm a centrist. This is a very disingenuous point to draw, but like between this and the Charlie Kirk shooter, are memes the problem? I don't think so, but

I mean people who discuss message us on Facebook and tell me if you think I'm the problem. People who like memes are sometimes um the problem. Mm-hmm. Which actually is a good a good segue. Oh boy, yeah. Yeah. I certainly I need some therapy. So why don't you drop everything else you're doing, Rennifer, and tell me about this fucking guy?

All right, so I wanna remind everybody that this is a podcast about self care, right? We we rant and we vent about these things, we spew off all this poison. in the name of relieving ourselves of tension, of like dealing with stress. And self-doubt really. And I think that I'll begin this with a self-care tip, which is don't let imposter syndrome stop you. Because having no qualifications.

Is just a small bump in the road to running some of the largest federal agencies in this country. Ren my armpits are tingling. Cashia Promode Patel. Not where I thought you were going, but so much better in some ways. Is an American lawyer I know it's like, oh, which one could it be? I thought it was RFK. Uh unfortunately I c I that's gonna be like a four parter and we don't have time for a four parter. Um he well, so Cashia Premot Patel is an American lawyer and former federal prosecutor.

serving currently as the director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, which is the primary federal law enforcement agency in the US and the Center of Domestic Intelligence and Security Services. Sure is.

The FBI is supposedly the leading American investigative organization into counterterrorism, counterintelligence, and criminal investigations, with jurisdiction over violations of two over two hundred categories of federal crimes like Mail fraud, aircraft, hijacking, lynching, child pornography, federal hate crimes, animal cruelty, obscenity, tax evasion, art theft from a museum, damaging or destroying public mailboxes and since nineteen sixty five

Uh assassinating or attempting assassination of the president or vice president. Hm. I'm trying to think of like if we need to do a checklist and figure out how many of those qualifications each one of our fucking guys meet and who met the most and right why was it Roy Cohn? Who m who violated the most federal cr federal laws? Um

So Cash Patel has been in the news a lot for saying things. Sh. Things like I'm not surprised that you continue to lie from your perch and put on a show so you can go raise money for your charade. You're a political buffoon at best. Oh my god. He face does not match his attitude.

No, you'd really well well here's the th well He's got big Yorky energy. He oh, that's true. That I will a hundred percent give you. He definitely is a small dog thinking that he's a great dane and he's not a great dane. Um He screamed this at Senator Adam Schiff when he had been asked about why convicted sex criminal Ghlaine Maxwell had been transferred to a minimum security prison.

Or When MSNBC reported that an FBI agent in the Washington field office had been fired for refusing to arrest and perp walk. James Comey. which is the whole arrested in public and walked very publicly. Uh Catch tweeted, breaking, MSNBC still an ass clown. Factory of disinformation. Same circus animals that slobbered all over Purp Walks of Stone Navarro Bannon. MSNBC has no facts and no audience. In this FBI follow the chain of command or get relieved. Oh my god.

It may I'm looking deep into my soul and trying to decide. If using the word ass clown in a tweet is more or less disqualifying from holding political office than referencing an office meme that does call the shoot somebody twice. Oh, ha. Ha continues. This is this is where the discourse is in terms of who should uh serve the public. Things are going so well. So well. Or when he said, House Republicans, put on your big boy pants and let us know who the pedophiles are. Okay.

So unfortunately, I apologize, Ginger, this actually was not a recent statement. Uh that statement was during a December twenty twenty three interview on the right wing podcast, The Benny Show. where he said that Congress is blocking the purported Epstein list because of who's on that list, telling the host, quote, You don't think that Bill Gates is lobbying Congress night and day to prevent the declosure disclosure of that list?

In terms of what he said recently, um, in September twenty twenty-five he did testify to the House and Senate Judiciary Committee that if Bat had released everything that had been lawfully permitted to be released. Oh my god. That there's no credible information that Epstein trafficked to other individuals and uh claimed that the FBI's information was limited.

But those uh those trafficking out traffic allegations weren't credible and the FBI was not in the practice of releasing incredible information. I j mm Phew. Hmm, fuck's sake. Like, how far has it gotten for you to make Marjorie Taylor Greene look like she's got scruples? I know, right? I know. Jesus Christ.

So who is this incredible person? Um Kash Patel was born in nineteen eighty in Garden City, New York. Uh his parents, who are of Indian Gujarati ancestry, grew up in East Africa before fleeing the regime of despot Idiamine in Uganda. Good. Young couple briefly Yeah. I mean fair, same. Yeah. The young couple briefly returned to India while having applied for asylum in the United States, the UK, and Canada, moving to Canada once their applications were accepted before finally settling in New York.

And I'm sure that this tale of immigrants seeking asylum and fleeing political violence will really resonate with Cash Patel for the rest of his life. Uh, he was raised Hindu and his family was deeply in touch with their Indian heritage, but we're very happy to integrate into American culture. Uh attending New York Islander hockey games of which Uh Cash still plays hockey.

Uh, taking vacations at Disney World and of course voting for Ronald Reagan. The most American thing you could do in the nineteen eighties. He looks like he would get his ass annihilated. I don't think it's professional. I'm pretty sure it's just a fuzzy league. I don't care if it's peewee league. Ducks, ducks, ducks. Uh, so Garden City at the time was ninety-six percent white and cash was only of a handful of kids of color in his high school class.

His senior yearbook quote came from the Jewish theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel quote Racism is man's gravest threat, the maximum of hatred for a minimum reason. Okay. Yeah. According to his memoir, Government Gangsters, which I will get into later Um, Cash earned his pocket money by being a golf caddy for the very wealthy and important New Yorkers at the local country club.

Which is where he found his calling to become a defense attorney and learned an important life lesson. I could be a first generation immigrant lawyer at a white shoe firm making a ton of money. Who else did we cover that l used to be a golf caddy and like that's his villain origin story? We've been doing this too long. Is that all golf caddies? Did all of them? Possibly. Possibly everybody in the Trump administration,'cause it really does seem like a whole bunch of like

Let me climb up this y ladder and just yank it out from here. Honestly, that is the actual v vibe of a Cash Patel is that of a golf caddy to President Trump. Mm. He is definitely just falling around, picking the ball out of the hole and saying, Good good putt, sir. I I'm sure that this hold is nine over or whatever the fuck. Um

So Patel graduated from uh University of Richmond in two thousand six. Interesting. Yep. With a degree in criminal justice and history before earning his law degree from Pace University in two thousand five. On the advice of a friend, he decided to send an application to Miami Dade County Public Defender's Office in Florida, which at the time was considered one of the best state defender's offices in the country, and he secured himself a d gig as a public defender.

Did you think that Cash Patel's law career started as a public defender? I didn't I certainly did not. So It seems pretty weird given um the things that he says and how he acts and who he is as a person. But according to former colleagues, he was just a good normal lawyer guy who did a good job and did not stand out. And then got bitten by a radioactive Stephen Miller. He just crawled out of the sitting s the ceiling with the bobba dip as he does.

Battel admitted in his memoir that he was beginning to lean more right, but he didn't come across as overly partisan in his daily interactions. After a few years, Patel moved to the Federal Defenders, I'm sorry, the Federal Public Defender's Office in Miami. According to the Atlantic, quote, There the work was more complex, more writing, and research intensive. Despite some successes, he developed a reputation for style over substance, a former colleague said,

One he seemed aware of but not terribly motivated to change. He always was like, Look, I'm really good at trial skill, but all of this reading and writing and arguing about like the interest intricacies of the law, I'm not really interested, a second former colleague recalled. Battel disputed this characterization, referring to a complex drug trafficking case he's handled. I'm not saying he wasn't capable of it, this person added, but I think he always liked being the face.

That feels right. And like some of that is needed. That is like the opposite of most of the lawyers you and I mutually know. Um And like, I mean, some show boating if it's for the greater good, if it's for being a public defender, Ren. Hmm. Hmm. Maybe.

Transcripts from Patel's cases reveal a lawyer prone to giving easy flatteries to judges and performances of humility, saying things like, On my best day, I'm an average defense attorney. I'm not a mathematician, but I'm not saying I'm a Spanish expert, Judge.

Things like that. Um, in twenty fourteen, Patel took a job with the Justice Department in the counter-terrorism section of the Justice Department's National Security Division. And what was his first real big on-the-job training? Benghazi. Oh! Oh!

Patel was one of the attorneys from the Maine Justice Department office who assisted the US Attorney's Office in pursuing the foreign militants responsible for that attack that killed four Americans. From the Atlantic, quote In his book, Patel writes the Justice Department moved to bring the Benghazi terrorist to court.

I was leading the prosecution's efforts at Maine Justice. He claims that he proceeded to watch firsthand as senior DOJ leadership and other Obama officials, political gangsters, frauds, and hypocrites, such as Attorney General Eric Holder and his successor Laura Lynch. chose to go soft on the terrorists by prosecuting only one perpetrator. It was for this reason, Patel writes, a lack of trust in the prosecution's decisions

that when his supervisors asked him to join the trial team itself, he declined. Okay. Wow. Strong noble gesture. that apparently did not happen at all. Oh, un okay. So Patel didn't have a role on the Bhagazi trial team. Uh the pretrial investigation was handled by a team led by the FBI and the US Attorney's Office in Washington.

And at the time Patel was just a junior Justice Department staff member who routed arrest warrants and the like up the chain for approval. I was gonna say it seems kind of weird that his trajectory was allegedly from, like, I'm a public defender in Florida to like I'm working for the Justice Department. They want me to do to do a Benghazi. I don't know what I meant by that. No, you know. He did not do the Benghazi.

Um also apparently he did not decline this invitation to join the team working on the actual trial, cause according to two of his former DOJ colleagues, he was never ass at all. And after clashing with the US Attorney's Office, he was removed from the case altogether.

His troubled tenure at the DOJ would eventually come to an end in twenty seventeen, when he met Devin Nunes, the guy who filed a lawsuit against, among others, Devin Nunes' cow at Devon Cow for Devamation. Do you not remember that? Yeah he didn't really Yeah he didn't I know this name. He did a defamation uh a defamation suit against uh a bunch of people, including two Twitter users, Devin Nunes' cow and Devin Nunes' mom. Okay. How weird.

So Uh this so the reason Patel was involved is that this was part of the uh his work for the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. This was a job the Patelf thought sounded boring, but Nunes commit uh convinced him to commit by promising us him a spot on Trump's National Security Council. Mm-hmm. So his time on the House Intelligence Committee was during the inquiry into the FBI's investigation of Russian interference in the twenty sixteen presidential election.

Okay. And then eventually the investigation into the FBI's rationale for wiretapping the former Trump campaign advisor Carter Page. Mm. Back to the Atlantic, quote. The majority's four page report, of which Patel was a primary author, was ultimately found to have credibly identified errors and omissions in the FBI and DOJ's applications to surveil Carter Page.

Though an inspector general did not corroborate the memo's suggestion that the surveillance was politically motivated. When it was released, the so called Nunez memo was framed by much of the media's politically charged fiction, that Patel was identified for his role in writing it. On february second, twenty eighteen, the New York Times published an article headlined Cassiat Patel, main author of Secret Memo, is no stranger to quarrels. Hmm.

Patel's efforts to reveal that deep state conspiracy to take down Donald Trump was no surprise, very appealing to professional victim Donald Trump. He appointed Patel as the deputy assistant for the President and then Senior Director of Counterterrorism at the National Security Council. Jesus Christ, he'll just give anybody a job. You'll just That's what I'm saying. Don't listen to that imposter syndrome. You can do whatever you want as long as you kiss the right ass.

I could be vice president right now. Mm-hmm. I mean you'd you'd you'd be more qualified. You're both from Appalachia. Well actually you're from Appalachia. I'm more from Appalachia. He's from Ohio. Motherfucker called a Appalachia. Appalachania. I haven't forgotten. I will not forget. Appalachia Shana Bean. Um Uh during his tenure, Patel's motives were less to do with countering any terrorism and instead kissing Trump's ass.

Apparently he said this script so often his colleagues recited it to the Atlantic, quote Mister President, the deep state is out to get you, and I'm going to save you from it. Christ. Like you would imagine that pres that Donald Trump, as like technically the president, would know That the deep state is not so much deep stating as like ah, you are the you are the deep state. The deep state's funding you. The deep state really just is Peter Thiel, huh? Mm.

Based and the Koch brothers. Uh how many of them are dead and is it all of them? Their money lives on. That's true. And its legacy lives with us. Gross. So it was a tumultuous year, um, while he was at the National Security Council from early suspicions among his colleagues that Patel was funneling information about Ukraine directly to Trump. to Attorney General William Barr and his doubts that Patel was qualified to do literally anything at all.

During this time, Trump reportedly floated the idea of Patel being the FBI's deputy director. However it In his tw in his twenty twenty two memoir One Damn Thing After Another, former Attorney General William Barr wrote, Patel had virtually no experience that would qualify him to serve at the highest level of the world's preeminent law enforcement agency.

Yeah. So not only did uh former attorney w general William Barr uh say, Please no, please God no, don't make this guy the head of the FBI, uh Trump then planned to name Patel deputy director of the CIA. Which then Gina Haspel Because that's better. Yeah. Gina Haspel, the agency's head said, Please God no, God no, I will resign.

In the final days of Trump's presidency, Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy, and the guy found liable for defamation for his voting machine conspiracies, went to the White House. uh a photographer for the Washington Post then captured an image of him holding a document that read, Move Cash Patel to CIA acting. Oh my God. I forgot about that. I forgot about when he was just walking around with like classified. And who knew that there was gonna be a time when we would get like

nostalgic for the integrity of Mike Pence and Bill Barr. Right? To just terrible human beings, but adults in the room. Ba evil adults. Bad adults. Evil adults. But adults, I guess.

Well, in twenty twenty, Trump lost the presidential election. Mm. Which I hold on to with the barest of fingertips at this point. But that meant that Patel and so many others were sent adrift with no asses to kiss in sight lost in the void. What's an at one time well regarded defence lawyer to do? So first he managed Trishell, a consulting company with ties to Cotter. This was something that was a little bit sound faced.

I know, Trishel C well, you know Cotter, the country. Welcome back. Oh, you mean the you mean the place that I think is called Qatar. Yes, that people call Qatar, but it apparently it's Cotter. I you can't call it that because I was a child who watched a lot of Welcome Back Cotter marathons on TV land because my parents are old. I was about to say I've never heard of that show. You've never heard of Welcome Back Cotter? Okay. No. The breakout role for John Travolta.

Oh. Put it on my to watch list. There was a wacky character in retrospect who I think's name was just Epstein. Um I think that the show may not have aged well. Oh, you th mmm. Mm. Um, but yeah, so there was this consulting company um that had ties to like a bunch of things. Um, but we don't care about any of that. Uh Trinchol also collected about a hundred and thirty grand um last year from uh Trump's Truth Social site.

Uh where Patel alongside Devin Nunes um use Truth Social to promote things, uh, including Wooden plaques, laser engraved with flags, and the word truth on them. Nobody's on that website, guys. It's just you guys. And bot. And bots, and did you see that apparently like Donald Trump was thought that he was DMing Pam Bondi on it and was just like publicly announcing that he was gonna indict James Comey? Oh my god, no, but that that's It's such a boomer thing to do uh

Do you th how often do you think Donald Trump calls Barron in to be like, Barron, something's wrong with my phone and Barron's like, You have more Trojans, stop downloading porn on this. Barron doesn't talk to him, Ren. You're right, you're right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Um some other things they promoted uh include Orange Man Bad Punisher Skull license plates

And Warrior Essentials antivaccine diet supplements that apparently reverse the effects of COVID vaccines. Holy shit. Uh Patel also promoted things like a conservative cellphone carrier, Freedom in cell phones, switch today. And a Christian payment processor, why not just give your money to the enemy or switch now? As a reminder, Kash Patel is Hindu. Yeah. Still still.

He also worked for over two years uh consulting for the pro-Trump Save America Pack and then did some fundraising consulting with friends of Matt Gates. The campaign committee for the Florida House Republican and Frack Guy Murdered First in a slasher film. Also, it didn't occur to me that that was the name of a pack and I thought that you were just talking about like

Some of his buddies No, it is the name of Some of his Ben Mo contacts. I'm pretty sure this was during the whole like did you hear of the trafficking? And so friends with Mac of Matt Gates were standing up for their friend A living popped collar. What a thankless task being a friend of Matt Gates. I don't think Matt Gates has a friend. Uh, I think he just has people who all have blackmail on each other. Yeah.

It's like the movie Promising Young Woman. Uh God. Don't spoil it. I keep telling DJ that I'm gonna show it to him. Hasn't that movie been out for like seven years? Girl, uh d let's n let's not play pot and kettle with you in movies. Oh, I I happily spoil myself. Did you know that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father? Ooh. Anyway. Um Also, Kash Patel, like every other watch a political figure, wrote some books.

Uh his memoir, as we uh referenced earlier, is Government Gangsters The Deep State, the Truth, and the Battle for Our Democracy. Shut the fuck up, Cash. It is Patel's account of his years fighting the deep state and the corrupt cabal trying to take down Donald Trump. Oh my god, I wanna shove this man into a locker. The book cover features Patel, briefcase in hand, sunglasses on, walking away from a helicopter like it's about to blow up, but it doesn't because it's a book.

Hold on. I'm gonna message it to you. Oh my god, how is that less cool than I thought it was gonna be? It's oh my god. It was, oh, what this looks like. 'Cause I know you said helicopter and I was picturing this being a lot more intentional. This feels like he waited for everybody else to get out of the frame. And then he just kind of ran in to look like he's walking away from a helicopter as a friend takes like a kind of poorly framed photo with their iPhone. Cool guys don't look at explosions.

Uh well this book features quotes such as this. I regularly used to tell people that the fastest way to move up in the government is just to screw up, and the bigger the screw up, the bigger the promotion. Every person implicated in your mistakes has an interest in covering up what they did, so they will promote you. That means that people at the very top are usually the most immoral, unethical people in the entire agency.

You're head of the FBI. That's a really awful thing to say as head of the FBI. It is perhaps an astute observation. Hmm An immoral astute observation. He also includes uh a list of sixty current and former executive branch officials that he refers to as members of the executive branch deep state. Boy, he had nothing else to write about. So we have the classics, right? We got your Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, we got Merrick Garland, Loretta Lynch, James Comey.

But you also have people like William Barr and Gina Haspel, who are those folks who worked in Trump's administration and specifically threatened to resign if Patel was made the FBI or CIA director. Gas He does preface this list by saying, quote This list only includes current and former executive branch officials and is not exhaustive. It does not, for example, include other corrupt actors of the First Order, such as Congressman Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell.

Members of Fusion GPS or Perkins Coey, I think it's Coey. I don't know how to pronounce that. Christopher Steele, Paul Ryan, the entire fake news mafia press corps, etc. Paul Ryan? Yeah, he hates Paul Ryan because at one point he was like, Paul, I need you to help me'cause I did a fuck up and Paul didn't. Oh that's kind of the the theme. Alright. He also wrote a children's book. What? A plot Yes. The plot against the King This is the story of a wizard named Cash.

who sets out to save King Donald from the sinister machinations of Hilary Queenton and a shifty knight who looks an awful lot like James Comey. Jesus Christ, hold on, let me pull up the book cover. Why does it have 3.7 out of 5 stars on Goodreads? Why are there three of them? Yeah, this is just the first. So I'm gonna read Oh man, have you seen this book cover? Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. So I'm gonna read to you the first the the first little bit of this book, okay?

Once upon a time, in the land of the free, there lived a wizard called Cash the Distinguished Discoverer. Cash was known far and wide as the one person who could discover anything about anything. He found the holy grape deep in the enchanted forest, and he discovered who had stolen the sleeping princess. The Heralds who spread important news across the land with their herald trumpets had sung of Cash's fame ever since he figured out that the Russian were cheating in the jousting tournament.

And then it goes on as to how Hillary Quinton is trying to steal King Donald's crown. First of all I'm not entirely mad at this likeness of Hillary Clinton. It's better than it has any right to be. Second, why did he let them do him so dirty? Have you seen his eyes though? He do look like that. He do look like that, but I would think that he would have put in a request. I think he would have put in a request to be like, Hey, can you make me look less frightened?

That's why he's wearing sunglasses in his book cover is because his looks baseline.

Uh so I did find this this review off Amazon that I needed to read. It's a five-star review. Um Jesus with called Awesome Read. Thank God for Cash Patel, great book, wonderfully written and entertaining. He leaves no lies in this story as we're currently in a fight of good versus evil. Just look at how this was delivered to my front door by Amazon. Wha what a shame. Shows just what kind of employees they have. This was no accident.

And it shows pictures of this book that's a little bit. Oh my god. This was no accident that they just sh threw the package at my doorstep like they do everything else. The deep state is bending my Amazon packages. Uh He also founded the Cash Foundation, a non profit that he has said offers financial help to a range of people, but the only ones anyone has ever found out are the families of people charged for their roles in the january sixth, twenty twenty one attack on the Capitol. Haha.

I guess you can't put that in the in the Yeah, in the name of it. Also, I'm still zoomed in on the title of this children's book and I just realized that the little tiny Donald Trump crown has MKGA written on it in little tiny letters, which I think is maybe Make Cash Great Again. It's it's make the kingdom great again. Uh is it? I do think again, it's surprisingly an astute observation that Donald Trump wants to be king. Um Yeah. Hmm. Interesting.

Uh so Part of the Cash Foundation and part of this whole era is also in Cashia Patel goes full casha. He transforms from cash K-A-S-H to capital K$. That's the stupidest way you could have spelled that geez I thought you were gonna say either just the dollar sign or K-A dollar sign H. K dollar sign H. Shh And he did what every great grifter does, which is sell merch. I thought you were gonna say Bitcoin. Someone to merge Bitcoin?

Uh I haven't found it yet, but would not be surprised. He's got big Bitcoin energy. Big Bitcoin energy. Uh there's the official cash wine. Again, all of this is now spelled K dollars and eight. Uh, the official cash wine, which is two hundred and thirty-three dollars and ninety-nine cents for six bottles. Wha why are you selling it in six packs? Isn't that how you drink your wine? You go to the store to like get my my six pack of the blended red cash wine.

Uh the fight with cash punisher reversible scarf for twenty five dollars. At his company based apparel. Ew Yeah. You can get take a lap rhino tank tops for thirty-five dollars. Justice for all hashtag J6 PC t-shirts, also thirty-five dollars. And then cash crew golf polos, fifty to fifty three dollars. This is gonna be such a weird pull. If any of our listeners happen to be a good will and find any take a lap rhino running tank tops for Ren and I please message me I will reimburse them that is

The funniest stupid shit to wear ironically. Uh at the gym. To just aggressively yell at your father every time I'm over there for a cookout. Take a lap, Rhino. Take a lap, Rhino While you bring over your sixth pack of wine to the cookout. Hey guys. Oh my god, the vibe. The vibe is heinous. You can also head over to fightwithcash.com and for a special low offer of$19.99, you can purchase the playing cards featuring the characters from that children's book.

The King card belongs to Cash, the distinguished wizard and corruption combatant. That's not how the king works. If there's a king in the book, don't make The king of the deck of cards! The fucking wizard! Make that be the ace! I feel it would be better as a tarot set, but you know he's not selling tarot cards. That's that's not demonic. He probably thinks that those actually are demonic.

So according to the New York Times, tax filings of twenty twenty three show the foundation's revenue surge from one hundred and eighty-two thousand is in twenty twenty two to one point three million last year, most of it coming from donations. Its expenses rose fivefold over twenty twenty two to six hundred and seventy four thousand. Almost half of that was spent on promotion and advertising, an expense that told in more than the foundation gave away in contributions and grants last year.

Mm. Apparently some of the proceeds of these wine and cloning clothing sales of his foundation go to charity, um Uh and so so do all of the net profits from the twenty five dollars fight with K dollar sign H Punisher socks. And then there's the song. Ren Mm? Hm? There's a song Ren? Well, so it's not a new song. So Did I know about this and forgotten I'm about to discover it again, even though I blocked it out for good reason?

Uh, no. So you would this is definitely the vibe of a dude who like tries to drop a conservative rap album. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's definitely his vibe, but that's that's not what this is. So hold on, let me So this so I can preface this. Patel helped produce Justice for All, a version of the national anthem sung by jailed january sixth defendants and played by Trump at his first twenty twenty four campaign rally.

The video features images from january sixth, framing the mob as freedom fighters as if this was Braveheart and Donald Trump was the orange faced Mel Gibson. Now you can watch it. Jeez. Okay. It's giving patriotic gangsters paradise, sort of. You're not wrong. Like it's that sinister Amen. God, can the camera please stop panic?

American American. You don't have to watch the whole thing if you don't want to. You guys Is this the whole thing is just sinister It's just sinisterly singing the Star Spangled Banner over Like the most Ken Burns effect, uh

iMovie 101 video compilation of like Mount Rushmore, Donald Trump, Washington Monument, Patriotism. It it really does feel like something that's like This is the kind of thing that I would see in like An Oscar Baton movie about domestic terrorism, like crash but with terrorists. Or Kevin Costner would be in it, it wouldn't get nominated for anything and they would be very angry. And people would be like, This is too on the nose framing the dystopia like this. But AMC would play it all the time.

So funny enough, during the confirmation hearings, he was asked about the song and whether he knew that the singers were imprisoned January sixth writers, and he responded, I'm not aware of that, sir. I didn't have anything to do with the recording. Which is interesting because in his march tenth, twenty twenty three appearance on Steve Bannon's War Room Show, he said quote Some of us know that the January sixth prisoners themselves sing the national anthem every night.

What we thought would be cool is we captured that audio and of course had the greatest president, President John Dra sorry John Day Trump Johnald Day Trump. Recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Then we went to a studio and recorded it, mastered it, and digitized it, and put it out as a song, now releasing exclusively on War Room. Exclusively on War Room? War Room. That's the the Steve Bannon show. Oh, I thought that it was the Andrew Tate.

Wouldn't that be hilarious? Website'cause isn't that also called the War Room? Yeah, is like his Discord server. Okay, too like too many fucking right wing chodes are using the war room as their like very specific branding. They need to copyright that shit. Y'all need to stop doing that.

Not surprisingly, Patel became quite the fixture on right wing talk shows and podcasts. In twenty twenty one and twenty two, he made at least at least six appearances on the show of Stu Peters, an anti vax white nationalist who has repeatedly called for the public executions of Anthony Fauci and Hunter Biden. Can I ask a stupid question that might make me sound bad? Sure. Why does a white nationalist want Cash Patel's point of view? Cause he's one of the good ones. Oh Okay.

Cash appeared on episodes with titles such as vaxxed mind control zombies advocate for World War three with Russia to save Zelensky's fake democracy. Jesus Christ. Biden wants war, warmongering elites salivating over conflict with Putin. And Cash Patel to Kyle Rittenhouse. Sue Biden, I'll help. Uh Hm Woof. Woof. Also, I think you're a criminal defense attorney. I don't just do any lawsuit. I feel like that's a lawyer thing. Can lawyers can lawyers just do any lawsuit?

I mean it depends on if you went to uh Rudy Giuliani's good school of law. Um because like maybe I just mean like Um, I mean like we have friends that are lawyers and they specialize in areas of law. So I feel but I and I feel like when we talk to them they do that lawyer thing of like, um, I'm not your lawyer and I'm not giving legal advice'cause I don't actually know this area of law. So Yeah, but we also hang out with lawyers who have scruples and there's a lot of them who don't.

Uh We need to find more corrupt friends. Why does scruples sound like an off brand version of like like Ruffles? What what are the what are the chips that you put on your fingertips? Oh bugles. Bugles, yeah, they're witches' fingers. What me? Come out to play. Um anyway, uh from twenty twenty one to twenty twenty three, Patel was the host of Cash's Corner. A show on Epoch TV, the streaming television service operated by the Falun Gong affiliated news pop newspaper, the Epoch Times.

We've talked about the epoch times. Yeah, we have, haven't we? Yes. Uh in one episode he presents the conspiracy that the FBI was the one actually behind the violence on January sixth. Uh I don't see how Americans have any faith in the FBI anymore, he said in december twenty twenty two.

It's going to take a major overhaul from these guys in Congress when the gavels flip to conduct some rigorous oversight, but also to retool the FBI and DOJ so it actually has credibility again, but that's gonna be a multi year list. Well fuck's sake, Cash, you're the one hanging out with all these dudes and m remixing their album. Like won't y don't you know who was behind it? Hey guys, I'm just dropping some beats.

Um when asked who should be investigated first, Patel did not hesitate. Fauci, I guess, is the one word name that you can say is deserving of an entire investigation. People really hate him. I don't blame Biden for like preemptively pardoning him for kind of nothing. Like preemptively going, You guys are so weird about this. You guys are so fucking weird about this one old dude who wants Brad Pitt to play him in the movie. Mike you're oh my god, you're so obsessed with me.

Um Cash even interviewed Trump on Cash's Corner in February twenty twenty two, an interview I cannot access because I'm not gonna give money to the Epoch Times. He also appeared on Steve Bannon's Real America Voice Show, where he promoted conspiracy the conspiracy theories and all of that good good merch. In one twenty twenty three episode he asked what he would do with federal power.

We're going to come after the people in the media who lied about American citizens, who helped Joe Biden rig presidential elections. We're going to come after you, whether it's criminally or civilly. We'll figure that out. But yeah, we're putting all of you on notice. Hmm. Alright, dude. Hmm. I love I love this question of like, hey, if you had near limitless power, what would you do? Persecute everyone for Fuck it. Anyone who ever shoved me in a locker.

That's really the energy. This is revenge of the nerds. Yeah. He has also appeared on the Sean Ryan Show, a podcast hosted by Sean Ryan Palm Palmasano. A former Navy SEAL and Blackwater contractor turned male podcaster. Ugh gross. Biggest problem the FBI has had has come out of its Intel shops. I'd break that component out of it. I'd shut down the FBI Hoover building on day one and reopen it the next day as the Museum of the Deep State.

What? Cash, I don't know what that means. What do you what do you mean? Like, I can definitely hear half of the people that comment on our Facebook post going like, oh my god, absolutely. That's very deep. Here's another one of his quotes. I'd take the seven thousand employees that work in that building and send them across America to chase down criminals. Go be cops. You're cops. Go be cops. Go chase down murderers and rapists and drug dealers and violent offenders.

What do you need seven thousand people there for? What are all these people doing here? Looking for the next government promotion? Looking for the next fancy government title? Looking for the parachute out of government? So while you're bringing in the right people, you also have to shrink government. No one in the FBI is making that much money, Cash. Nobody is making that much money. Also, does Cash Patel not understand how jurisdictions work? It's also like

The FBI deals with federal crimes. So like it's not that there aren't like federal crimes involving like murder and rape and drugs, but a lot of those are not federal crimes. Well they also like famously can be brought into consult on that other stuff, but like it they kind of ha they're it's like vampire rules, I think.

Not to be invited. Yeah. I don't think that you can just like go and assert yourself and if s like a Fed tried to do that, I'm pretty sure the local cops would be like, um, state's right. J they just hold up a mirror and they go, Ah when there's no reflection. Um also I feel like when he says seven thousand people like in the building, it's like I'm sure some of those are janitorial staff, yeah secretaries, like Susan who makes the coffee. In 2024, Igor Lopatonic

a Russian filmmaker associated with the Russian government, paid Patel twenty five thousand dollars to appear on a six part series, All the President's Men, The Conspiracy Against Trump, on the Tucker Carlson Network. Oh Lord. The series focused on Patel and other veterans of the first Trump administration as victims of a conspiracy that, quote, destroyed the lives of those who stood by Donald Trump in an attempt to remove the democratically elected president from office.

But it's not all conspiracy theories and foaming at the mouth fascism. There's also time for love. Oh In October twenty twenty two, Cash went to an event as part of the Reawaken America Tour. Man, all of these people got real horny during COVID. They really did. What else are you gonna do? Um so the Reawaken America Tour, which I'd never heard of but I have to do an episode on now. Is an American is an American far right and Christian nationalist movement founded by Clay Clark sorry, Clay Clark.

Unfortunate name. Unfortunate name. Not just you. To just to give you just a taste of what this event holds, on a june twenty twenty one episode of the Stu Peter show Clay Clark argued that the COVID nineteen vaccine contained luciferace, which he believed yes. Luciferase spelled like you think it is Luciferase. Which he believed was a cryptocurrency technology associated with the mark of the beast as prophesized in Revelations.

A conspira A conspiracy that included Bill Gates, uh, under the influence of performance artist and alleged Satanist Marina Ab Abramovic and Jeffrey Epstein. Clark then accused Gates and Epstein of attempting to create a new race of humans by combining Luciferase and Epstein's DNA into the COVID-19 vaccine. Oh this is maybe the craziest thing you've said. On or off of this podcast, Jesus fucking Christ!

So yeah, I need to talk about I need to talk about this guy more apparently. And people believe him? Well people attend his rallies apparently. And his parties. And it's not like uh Oh yeah, he's he's a bit off, but he makes such good coleslaw kind of thing. I don't think so. I I don't think so. Also he doesn't make good coleslaw. I don't I don't believe he does. I think it's way too watery. So well, Cash went to one of these like rally party places and met country singer Alexis Wilkins.

And the forty five year old began dating the twenty six year old in january twenty twenty three. He's forty five at the time. Oh boy. Like that's too much of an age gap, but also I would not have guessed he was that old, but that doesn't make it great. But also my speculation was that he was having weird hate sex with Pam Bondi.

I mean, I don't know what happened before this. Um so Alexis Wilkins uh was asked about the age gap and uh she did say in an interview, There are a lot of people in this administration with age differences Which is true. Yeah, I don't think that that's a great defense, hon. I didn't realize so you know the um the press secretary lady whose name I can't remember right now? Oh yeah, Caroline Levitt and her thirty-six years ass older than her husband. Yep,'cause

Nothing sexier than um a man who needs a colonoscopy every six months. Um Nothing sexier than a man who technically could be your grandfather. Also of interest, Alexis did file a five million dollar defamation case against conservative podcaster Kyle Serafin, who accused her of being an Israeli spy and a honeypot manipulating Patel. Oh oh fuck, I think I know who oh, I think I saw a picture of them and just being like

Girl, she gotta be a Mossada agent. He is not pulling that. Yes. So this is the quote from the thing. He is beautiful. He is he is lovely. Um Quote from this Kyle guy. Terrible taste, but He's got a girlfriend that is half his age, who's apparently both a country music singer, a political commentator on Rumble, a friend of John Rich through FBI director Dan Bone Bon Bonino.

a friend of John Rich through Bon Gino, who also now owns a big chunk of Rumpel, and she's also a former Massad agent with his In what is like the equivalent of their NSA. But I'm sure that's totally because like he's really looking for like a cross-eyed, you know, kind of thickish-built, super cool bro who's almost fifty years old, who's Indian in America. But maybe she saw his very sexy book cover. Is she actually former massage?

No. Or was that how about the she's cla she is uh f she's suing him for saying that she's former Mossad. Okay. What that is not part of her wiki bio. Lucifer enthusiast. But why would this a country singer apparently allegedly Mossad agent be honey potting a right wing podcaster? Oh, that's right, because that podcaster Became the FBI director. Yeah, not even deputy director. Just the FBI director. Just the FBI director. Uh

In twenty twenty four, a spoiler warning Donald Trump won the presidential election. Ew. In November twenty twenty four, he announced his intentions to appoint Patel To a high profile position in the Federal Bureau of Investigation or the Department of Justice. Go off, I guess. And he chose the FBI. So Patel appeared before the Senate committee uh on January thirtieth.

According to the New York Times, he positioned himself as insulated from Trump. A wild take, considering he'd been selling Trump themed merch for about four years. Hmm. He claimed that he disagreed with Trump's decision to pardon the January sixth Capital Attack defendants, which are the same ones. Don't listen to the remix. Don't listen to the remix.

Yeah. Um Senator Peter Welt repeatedly asked Patel whether Joe Biden won the twenty twenty president election, and Patel said the election was certified. And that's all he would say. Well it was certainly I mean it's certainly a way to get out of debating your uncle at Thanksgiving.

In paperwork submitted to the committee, Patel described consulting work for clients, including Trump's Media Company and the Qatari Embassy. Patel wrote that he stepped away from some of these activities already and would definitely stop other work while serving as FBI director. While also pledging to divest his interests in companies including Apple, Eli Lilly, Meta, and Palantir. Sure, Cash. I feel like you shouldn't be allowed to to be an FBI director if you've worked in the private sector.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

As you know, nothing matters. So he was definitely confirmed by the Senate and began doing his thing. So like day one, Cash started cleaning house. He told the agency to send a thousand agents from Washington DC to other field offices in cities with higher crime rates and reassigned another five hundred staff members. When Patel was told that the restructuring could cost a hundred million dollars that the agency did not have, he said Tough shit, do it anyway. Mm. Cash. Cash my sweetie. Um

For a man with uh a prominent dollar sign in his name, you seem to not understand how the budgets work. Well he did once tell the judge, I'm not a mathematician. Patel began pushing out career civil servants using polygraph tests to ask employees whether they had criticized him at any point.

and replaced them with political allies. He expressed interest in joining the Bureau's hockey team. Of course. Building team morale. Uh looked into shifting operations to his home state of Nevada, so I guess he didn't What? Yeah. Didn't have to not know where the goddamn Pentagon is. And in February, he wants it to be a museum. Oh, that's true. He wants it all to be a museum.

And in February he proposed altering the bureau's physical fitness test and partnering with Ultimate Fighting Championship. That is deranged. From the New York Times quote. In March, the FBI published a recruitment video featuring the Bureau's elite hostage rescue team training in Quantico, Virginia.

Punctuated to rock music, mister Patel, dressed in hunting camouflage, watched as helicopters ferried faceless agents who repelled onto a building and burst into the unit shooting house while tossing flash bank. God, that's so stupid. This guy loves the movie White House Down. Absolutely. What is White House Down and there's is there isn't there a sequel, White House Down Under or something? I don't know. I don't know what the sequel's called. White House down to the Muppets tape, the Pentagon.

Oh my god. How did he fare during Doge with like all of this like pay a hundred million dollars and move the Pentagon to Nevada bullshit? Um also in February, Patel was named the acting director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. That seems like he's too busy. Well, by march twenty twenty five he was no longer at the Bureau and on April ninth he was replaced. So I guess

He just like looked in, went and looked out. So not for me. Not for me. In May, he advocated for reducing the FBI's budget by five hundred million. Which is interesting'cause they needed a hundred more million to move all those agents, but sure. Which is an abrupt departure from his request for more than what had been proposed literally a day earlier. Yeah, yeah.

That same month, he disbanded the Bureau's public corruption squad and the Office of Internal Auditing, which ensures that the Bureau complies with national security surveillance regulations. Bro. God, can you at least pretend? No. He is the male podcaster. He cannot be I have to say this is so the like the bar is in hell. I intentionally have learned nothing about Cash Patel in case either you or I did it. Um

And like literally last night DJ we were watching um Have I Got News for You? And DJ was like, Didn't Cash Patel just used to be a podcaster? Isn't that his only qualification? And I am so weirdly relieved to know that at least he theoretically went to law school. He d he was a lawyer at some point, yes. He did do law stuff and apparently wasn't bad at the law stuff, but he wasn't famous enough doing law stuff. Yes. Or in famous. He's so famous, he's in famous. What a weird little twerp.

In July, Patel announced the FBI would move into the office space at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center. which was the now vacated building that had previously housed the United States Agency for International Development. An organization that was actually known for helping people. Mhm. Something Cash Patel clearly despises. Yeah.

In September, the public learned that Patel fired an agent in training for uh daring to display a gay pride flag on that employee's own desk while appointed to a field office in California the year before. These folks do not care for that first amendment. So a year before, in California, an FBI guy on his own work desk happened to have a pride flag. God, what is this country coming to? He's also known for his high flying antics.

Cash flew to Miami on Air Force One to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship event, which is at least the second time he has gone to mixed martial arts fights as the FBI director. Yes, that's his whole vibe. That is his whole vibe. He's definitely somebody who wishes he could do that but would be absolutely roasted alive. He smells so much like axe body spray.

Days earlier, uh, Cash showed up to two NHL games, uh, taking photographs with Wayne Gretzky and hanging out in the owner suite also after being couriered by Air Force One. So I guess all that go be cops thing was for other people.

Speaking of flying on fancy planes, let's talk about Epstein. So mmm The twenty nine de twenty nineteen death of mister Epstein. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly dead. The allegedly dead Jeffrey Epstein has been the subject of many a conspiracy. Trump himself has long suggested that Epstein was silenced by a shadowy cabal of sex trafficking sex trafficker clients bleh.

That's how I Or totally killed himself, don't look further into this. Or totally killed himself. What happened to that video footage? You've seen paranormal activity, you never know. He spider walked out of there. In twenty twenty three, Cash Patel said, House Republicans, put on your big boy pants and let us know who the pedophiles are. Just reminding you, that's a thing he asked. Put on your big boy pedophile pants and show yourself.

Dan Bon Gino, Patel's podcast buddy, and the FBI's newest deputy director, so it's like a buddy cop movie now, uh begged his listeners, please do not let this story go. However, now at the helm of the FBI, Patel and his buddy Oingo Boingo seem less than inclined to release those records. Ha weird. In September, Patel spoke to the House Judiciary Committee and stated that three federal courts said he could not release those files.

A claim that was fact checked by lawyers on the committee who said, Yeah, you could definitely release those files. Mm. So turns out being a conspiracy theorist means that people want you to follow through on your conspiracies. So Patel's audience has not been thrilled with his decision to withhold the Epstein files. I would think not. From the New York Times, quote. A Trump allied podcaster suggested the FBI leaders were beholden to some unseen powers.

A former FBI agent who has been critical of the Bureau posted a parody of a law firm ad with mister Bonjino standing next to a sign that s that read Trust me and Bro Consulting. Tucker Carlson, a friend of mister Bon Gino's, said Trump appointees were making a huge mistake, promising to reveal things and then not revealing them. Alex Jones, a founding father of the modern conspiracy movement, referred to mister Patel's own handling of the Epstein case as flat out gaslighting. Yeah

Gaslight. AQL boss. Everybody involved in any of the Epstein stuff is just doing the worst job possible.

So cash's bungling continues To this day. He is a bungler. He continues to bungle. Yeah. So there's this lawsuit that was filed by three former FBI officials, Brian Driscoll, Steven Jensen, and Spencer Evans. that is suing Patel and Attorney General Pam Bondi for wrongful termination. This lawsuit was filed hours before the killing of Charlie Kirk. Hmm. Which then, of course.

Launched into the Charlie Kirk investigation, which has been handled hmm interestingly,'cause hours after Kirk's death, Patel. Allegedly. Uh Patel announced that a suspect had been taken into custody, only to be refuted by officials in Utah minutes later. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. He has also used the FBI to bolster the federal government's takeover of the Washington DC Police Department, participating with partner agencies in arrests like crimes r in arrests for crimes like drunk driving.

Which I'm so glad the FBI's resources is going to drunk driving arrests. But he wants them to go be cops. Go be cops. All of this just screams, Don't you guys have anything better to do, please? Well the thing is I believe the things that they had better to do would be like investigating government corruption. And they can't do that.

Absolutely not. Yeah, incarcerating child predators, investigating corruption. After the shooting at a US immigration and customs enforcement facility near Dallas, which resulted in the death of a detained immigrant Cash tweeted out a picture of shell casing supposedly found at the scene, with the words anti ice scribbled on them in blue sharpie. He tweeted,

While the investigation is ongoing, an initial review of the evidence shows an ideological motive behind this attack, see photo below. One of the unspent shell casings recovered was engraved with the phrase anti-ICE. Four updates will be forthcoming. I do all of my best engraving in Sharpie. So, first of all, stop engraving bullets. Stop writing shit on bullets. It's so stupid. It's one person did it once. I can't decide if this is what they think bad guys do.

Uh, and so they're plan to get evidence or if people are just fucking stupid now. And I it Fifty fifty could be easy. Fifty fifty. I mean, first of all, let's bring back manifestos, guys. They're cleaner, they're more ex you know, there's more explanation. We get the motive for like stop writing. Make Ted Kaczynski great again, allegedly. I'm so tired of this shit. Also the fact that it was written on Blue Sharpie um is like sure. Uh also Blue is such a weird choice too.

And also no Antifa leftist liberal whoever you whatever you think it is says anti-ICE. No one says anti-ICE. It's it's Fuck ICE. It's the same number of letters. Yeah, it's just fuck ice. That's a really weird thing to say. Unless You are trying to make a cocktail and need some crushed ice, and so you decide that the most efficient way to do that is to shoot.

And you want to make sure that that bullet does not get revealed. That is definitely a gender reveal. That is definitely a gender reveal. To reveal a color inside. Um Label the bullets girl and anti girl.

So Patel recently announced that the FBI was cutting ties with Friends of the Pod, the Anti Defamation League, and the Southern Poverty Law Center. Asserting that the SPLC had been turned into a partisan smear machine and criticizing it for its use of a hate map with which attract alleged anti government and hate groups inside the United States. Okay, that's That's the point. That's the point, Kat. Okay, why am I arguing? Uh considering that the S PLC

released a report titled The Year in Hate and Extremism, twenty twenty four, that described Turning Point USA as a case study of the hard right in twenty twenty four. Mm. And now Charlie Kirk is the far right's favorite martyr. Hmm. Yeah, I'm sure that's not related. That report was ten thousand pages long. And finally There's these stupid challenge coins.

Another thing I'm gonna have to send to you. But you'll have to wait. And then I have to I have to wait till you open it. Okay. So I w I wanna explain what a Kellynch coin is first. So This is actually um like this is a tradition in the military that essentially that these are these commemorative coins that they pass out to people to signify significant events.

And this has kind of um been adopted by federal agencies. So like when something major happens in the federal agency, they pass out these coins to indicate these events. Yes, artifacts is a signature of agency culture, it's a th So now you can open up the challenge coin. Oh look, Cash Patel has a challenge. WHAT THE FUCK! Oh my god. I hope somebody sues him for copyright infringement. What the fuck? So

Oh man. Since this is an audio medium. Oh I just keep seeing different parts of it. Sorry, go ahead. No, it's fine. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Alright, y'all. Challenge coin. Cash Patel's name presented by the director of the FBI Cash Patel, his personal logo K dollar sign eight dollar sign eight. A gun as a signature line All in Boston. On the Marvel Punisher insignia.

With guns making up the skull's teeth. Yeah, and with it kind of like the red, white, and blue a sort of as part of the skull. And also there's sort of like And there's spiders in the skull's eyes. Oh it's Oh, there are spiders in the skull's eyes. Jesus Christ, why are there spiders in the skull's eyes? And there's like a number nine next to the signature, but also the little triggers of the guns make it look like it's going 69-69. It's so stupid. How big do we think this is?

I don't know, but not as big as he wanted it to be. The single stupidest thing I've ever seen. Save two photos. Um Oh my god. So I was not prepared. I thought that was gonna be like Donald Trump skull fucking and the eagle and that would have been less weird. No, nothing could have prepared nothing could have prepared for this. That's why I wanted you to go in just fresh and new. Ha While Cash Patel continues to defend his antics,

Even his most ardent supporters are tired of watching Try Hard, Try Harder. Mm. Allegedly. In the words of Joe Biggs, a proud boys leader who served time in jail for his role in the January sixth Capitol attack, quote. Why is the head of the FBI speculating like everyone not in the know? At FBI Director Cash, you're the person we are supposed to get the final truth from.

Stop all this clickbait shit you keep doing. It's unbecoming of the office in which you represent and only proves you are a horrible pick for this position. Yeah, Cash Patel, have some integrity, like the proud boy.

And that's Cash Patel. Who Oh my god. Okay, well I need a self care plan. Oh good deal. So I thought I would do a little self-clair plan because Ginger, we all are sometimes a little cringe. Mm-hmm. You know? And I think we need to like figure out ways that we can manage our feelings about being cringe and also accept the fact that we as humans sometimes are cringly.

So feel personally attacked but continue. Start to face the fear of embarrassment by figuring out what's sort of the root cause of that embarrassment. You know, d are we worried that people will dislike us if we do something embarrassing, right? Um think about challenging these negative thoughts with more realistic assessments, reminding you that You know, when it takes you that long to pull out the change from your wallet when you're at the grocery store.

More than likely people don't really care. They don't Except if maybe you are a right wing male podcaster calling for the release of the Epstein files and then forgetting that that's what you called for a year before. Yeah, or if the coin you are trying to pull out is uh D a y a punisher skull with a bunch of guns for teeth. A bunch of guns for teeth. Hmm. Step outside of your comfort zone in small doses. Reshape your fears by wait

trying to get outside of that comfort zone when it comes to cringe or embarrassing behaviors, right? So like Join a dance circle when you're at a you know on a wedding dance floor. Speak up at that meeting. Um slide into someone's DMs if you're still in the habit of sliding into DMs. And if you can do it without being a creep. Or, you know, um writing a children's book about Hillary Queentin trying to take down King Donald in their fair election?

Which I didn't understand how that worked with the kings and queens. Yeah, but doesn't mm mm. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your weirdness. If you wouldn't go to someone for advice. Why do you accept criticism from them? Surround yourself with other weirdos to reassure each other that you're not as cringe as you think you are. Unless those weirdos are January sixth writers who also hate you. Surround yourself with alleged masada agents who like you for you and not because

Uh, you look like Leonardo or that guy who played in Fargo. I think his name is Steve. Um, that's gonna be all for us this week, folks. If you like what you're hearing Please talk to a therapist uh and then check us out on this FM guy pod. On all the social medias, we also have our website which we will endeavor to update with actual sources not that I've been doing any better, babe. That's the problem, it's me.

Look, you guys can get episodes or you can get an updated website. What do you want? This FNGYPod dot com. Or you can join there are citations. I just If more people care to join our Patreon and pay for us to have babysitters, we will record more often. But uh we're very tired.

I also want to shout out I don't have your names yet, but we've had uh we have had several uh brand new folks come onto the Patreon. We really appreciate all your support. Thank you so much. That m we might be able to between the two of us afford Two coffees between the two of us. One coffee for you and one coffee for me. You guys are very generous and we legitimately love you even when we're snarky. I'm Ginger Gollup. And I'm Red Martinez.

Here's a bonus self-care tip. Fucking vote in your local elections. It's kinda like it matters. Yeah, not for Winsome Earl Sears either. And don't be Winsome Earl Sears. Or this fucking guy.