Negbot 3000 | Matt Gaetz

this fucking guy hello my rainbow sprinkles welcome to this fucking guy a podcast about self-care if self-care is one long scream into the void Here is where we use expletives and alcohol to emotionally process the creeps, jerks, and asshats that compose the shitty elevator music of our lives. Which is Ren Martinez. What you need? You know I got it. Ginger Gollum. Hey, look at us. So talented. Jess, we're going to make it a musical section.

You know what? I think that's fair. You know what? I think that there has been no ground broken in podcast-dom of this kind. we should incorporate musical numbers into this fucking guy. Like, I can really see that becoming a thing. I mean, if there is one thing that our listenership has called out for... It's more musical numbers. More musical numbers. Yeah. I just can imagine us being like, well, I mean, like we kind of had it with Anita Bryant's like little orange bird. I'm super homophobic.

You know, it's already it's already it's already laid out. We just need to grab it. Carpe that musical number. How are you doing today? I'm okay.

I mean, we're recording on a Monday, so we're recording on a Monday and we're recording on the Monday where everybody died. Yeah. Every celebrity died. There's no one left. Yeah, I was, um, I haven't really been on the social meds today. And then, of course, when I was, I was like, oh, damn. Particularly, I was reading up about Naya Rivera.

and that whole thing which is super tragic and sad yeah and like i remember when glee first came out i was living in england at the time And me and my friend were super excited about Glee because both of us had been in show choir.

And, like, we fucking loved the first season. We knew it was a little trash, but, like, we were young. We were, like, 22 years old. We're like, yeah! Like, oh, we just loved the show. Then... the second season happened and both of us were like this is gonna continue being a mistake so we pretty much quit at that point so now I only watch certain clips that go viral or memeable. And one of them, which is my favorite, is Naya Rivera calling out, well, her character Santana, calling out Kurt.

And actually, you know what? I'm going to look it up for you and I'm going to give it to you on the YouTube. Because it's just fucking... When I find myself in times of trouble, Santana the lesbian comes to me. and whispers words of wisdom, mouth like a cat's ass. Can I just say, we stan a queen. There were just these little moments of beautiful clarity in the overall...

Ray on trash fire. Like, it's not a dumpster fire. It's like a fire of fabric scraps that sort of smells like melting plastic. Yeah. That was glee. I had forgotten that they ran out of things for the characters to do to keep them together, so they had them all fail out of college and then somehow become teachers back at their old school. Yep, they did not know how to transfer that.

No, no, they did not. Well, besides death, was there anything in particular you wanted to scream into the void, or was it all just the death? I mean, first of all, I have... Attach myself to the right man, clearly, because he has been on Celebrity Death Watch 2020 all day. And I also have barely been on social media today. I have been getting all of my updates.

From boyfriend, fiance, husband, the international Jew, who, like, has just been curating. And it's just name, age, and that's all he gives me. And then I just know. I just hope they're gone. I mean, that's like when anything ever is trending on Twitter, everyone's first gasp of horror is that someone died.

Like, I mean, particularly, what was it, a couple months ago, like, Betty White was trending on Twitter and everyone was horrified. It turns out it was just she was going to appear in something. Yeah, I mean, 2020 is cruel. And ruthless. Yeah. And has taken so much from us. And can't stop, won't stop. Cannot stop. It won't stop, Ren. It won't stop.

But, uh, yeah, on that note, I think it's time for some therapy, so... Boy, howdy. All right. Let's talk about this fucking guy. You ever seen someone and thought, man, I want to punch them. Yeah. You know, like they haven't done anything yet or said anything. Yeah. But like you get that feeling, you know, you know. Yeah.

Maybe it's the Salmon Pinchino shorts. Or the Ray-Ban Wayfarers that are strung around their neck. Mm-hmm. Maybe the name brand boat shoes? Ooh. You know? This guy has a sweater tied around his shoulders, doesn't he? Absolutely has a sweater tied around his shoulders. Spiritually. Spiritually always has a sweater tied around their shoulders. You know, maybe it's the overly coiffed hair, clearly held upright by Axe Hair Gel in 2000's nostalgia. Like, still holding on to that.

Or that lopsided smirk with the very white teeth that just screams, I'm gonna neg you later. There's just something. And well, there's never been a face more punchable. Than this fucking guy's. You ever heard of Matt Gaetz? Who the fuck's that? Oh my god, this is gonna be delightful. Woo! Gingy. This is gonna be just a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm very excited. I guess I'm grateful for staying off of the social meds. Yeah, that's where he lives. Um, so...

You know, I will, let me send you a quick pic. Just so you can tell me already, without knowing the man. Ren, we have to stop recording because I've just punched my computer. What's wrong with him? Oh, so many things. Is it a lot? It's a lot. Oh, gay. So, Matthew Lewis Gates II. is an American lawyer and politician. Since 2017, he has been serving as the GOP House Representative for Florida's first congressional district. Strike one.

Which covers a large portion of western Florida panhandle. Which already has discussed in the previous episode. Oh no! The worst part of Florida. Yeah, the part of Florida that tried to run your husband out on a boat. He was born in 1982, which officially makes him the second worst millennial ever. After Stephen Miller. Oh. Oh, God. Yeah, he's my age. Oh, no.

Oh, oh. All the racism makes his hair escape, so. Yeah. So second worst. Second worst. Matt grew up in a town called Niceville, which is not a joke. Uh... I... For all of these people who are like, what are we going to call our town if they make us rename it so it's not after some Confederate general, I recommend you just start throwing emotions in there. Yeah, Niceville!

Happy place. Cheerful land. You get distinct Pleasantville vibes. Yeah. His family also owned a second home in the nearby town of Seaside. Now, this town and the house that they own were featured in the film The Truman Show. Yup. A sign on their undoubtedly adorable white picket fence declares it the Truman House, which is clearly important for things to come. Yeah.

And if you haven't seen this guy and if you haven't already looked up a picture of him, he looks like if a very young Jim Carrey made love to a Neanderthal. So it's appropriate. There is a lot of forehead and all of the features are very much on the bottom half. He looks like he looks like a very honestly very nice but bless her heart girl that I went to high school with.

Oh, I love a southern blesser heart. So the Gateses were conservative and religious, pretty much like everyone in their community. Matt's mother... suffered life-threatening complications while pregnant with his younger sister and was advised to terminate the pregnancy. She chose not to have an abortion. and ended up being partially paralyzed and uses a wheelchair to this day. Fun fact, as an aside, during Gates' childhood...

two abortion doctors were murdered in nearby Pensacola. Yeah, that sounds like Florida. Hey, Wren? Yeah? This is feeling like a portent. Well, anyway, not that that's related. Matt Gaetz has said that it was his mother's choice to not have an abortion as the reason he believes abortion should be illegal. That's not how choice works, but God, I suppose. It's not how choice works.

If we were to trace the biggest influence on Matt's life, all roads would lead to his father. Don Gates, who's also the son of a state legislator, is a Republican politician and served as a member of the Florida State Senate from 2006 to 2016. Oh, that's why I'm getting major Do You Know Who My Father Is vibes. Mm-hmm. Mm. In the late 1970s, Don also, despite his son's staunch hatred of government-subsidized healthcare and expanding Medicaid, founded VITAS.

a non-profit hospice company, and successfully lobbied Congress to allow Medicare and Medicaid to cover its services, the first of its kind. Once that sweet, sweet government green was in that bag.

The nonprofit quickly became a for-profit. Yeah. And VITAS is now the country's largest end-of-life care provider. When he cashed out in 2004, the company was sold for almost half... a billion dollars leaving dawn with a net worth of 25 million that's that's some money so don't expand that medicaid except when it comes to me One more quick word, just for fun. In 2013, the Justice Department sued VITAS for Medicare fraud, something the government really, really hates. Yeah, they do.

So it's no wonder that with Daddy Don's deep pockets and even deeper connections to Florida politics, that Matt is known in his district as Baby Gates. Ew. Little Baby Gates.

You just stand him in your doorways to keep your toddlers from falling downstairs. He's Baby Gates. He's Baby Gates. There's not a lot out there about Matt as a kid. But what there is says that in high school... Matt spent most of his time on the debate team and trolling his teachers, which is exactly what I expected of the world's most punchable-faced man.

Also, when his dad was running in the Republican primary for school superintendent, his opponent was Matt's high school principal. And what clearly is the pinnacle of trolling... Matt wore a Gates for Superintendent t-shirt to school almost every day until his father won the election. Okay. What a sick burn, Matthew.

I'm sure that principal was just dying to win his vote and was wondering every day, is this going to be the day? Seeing that t-shirt in the hall and just like, oh, I can't. I don't know how to defeat this high school student. Kind of like the principal in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I imagine Matt Gaetz thought he was being Ferris Bueller. So many men do. And so many men aren't. Nope.

So, yeah, off of that debate club, there's not really a lot out there about his childhood. But perhaps, if one intrepid podcast host really does her digging... and goes undercover as Bob Bobson with the email bobbobson at bob.com, she might find the 1998 Niceville High School yearbook. Oh boy! Yes! exclaims Matt Gaetz reacting to an outstanding 100 on a recent history test uh yep or Talking in the hallway, sophomore Matt Gaetz displays his school spirit by dressing up for college day.

I think that it's nice that the NHS gives us the chance to enjoy the other aspects of being in high school, said Matt. The National Health Service? It's Niceville High School. Oh, okay, that makes more sense. Which, well said, Matt. It's exactly what I would expect from a boy, wearing a t-shirt tucked into his belted khaki shorts and sports sandals. So unremarkable, and yet, I want to strike him. Unfortunately, I could not find the Niceville High 2000 yearbook.

So we don't get to see Matt Gaetz wedding in a glamour shots photo with a quote from Ayn Rand or The Matrix, one of the two. We don't get to hear his thoughts on Y2K, Ren? Nope. No, unfortunately not. So then he went to Florida State University, graduating in 2003 with a BS in Interdisciplinary Sciences. A degree that means nothing. Yeah, it doesn't... Means nothing. It's like...

Humanities. I went to college degree. Yep. He then went off to law school at the College of William and Mary. And I'd like to take this moment. To apologize to all the lovely people who got their JDs at the same school. Susie Cream Cheese, expect my condolences cupcakes on your front porch very soon. Susie. So sorry.

After graduating, Matt went to work for a law firm in Fort Walton Beach, where he toiled away as a junior associate and probably said, do you know who my father is? At least twice a day. Yeah. According to Mother Jones. Some of the prestigious cases he was involved in during this period includes filing a debt collection suit against an elderly woman who couldn't pay the home care firm owned by Gates' dad. Oh god.

Representing an HOA, fighting the county over the placement of a beach volleyball net. And suing the Red Fish Chicks, spelled with an X. two professional fisherwomen accused of absconding with a local restaurant's $50,000 boat. I do need to know more about that lawsuit.

I mean, there's a pretty diverse portfolio there. He wasn't like one of the Pinkerton guys evicting children in the snow from their cold towns. Well. Less than a year into his job, he became one of the firm's clients. Oh? In October 2008, Gates was driving his dad's BMW after partying at The Swamp.

a nightclub on Okaloosa Island, when a sheriff's deputy pulled him over for speeding. The deputy reported that Gates fumbled for his license, his eyes were bloodshot, and he swayed and staggered when he got out of the car. Matt! denied that he'd been drinking, but refused the field sobriety test and the breath test. So, of course, he gets arrested. Yeah. This is where it gets interesting. So shortly after...

The deputy who had arrested Gates made another DOI arrest, where he was accused of using unreasonable force and was subsequently forced to resign. After that, the prosecutor asked to be taken off the case. since his stepson was friends with Gates and the case was reassigned. Less than a week after that reassignment, Gates had his driver's license reinstated. Even though Florida law requires a year's suspension when a driver refuses a breathalyzer test. Hmm.

Following that, a field officer for the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles declared that there was no evidence that Gates refused a breath test. even though the refusal was clearly documented in the original affidavit and arrest report, and was even cited in Gates' defense attorney's motion to dismiss. This motion also stated that...

A civilian witness drove by who knew gates and observed no indication of impairment. This alleged witness, despite being the only testimony that contradicted the original affidavit and report, was not named, either in the defense attorney's documents or any other case records. You know what? Don't even worry about it. The prosecutor accepted the motion and dropped the case on December 22nd, 2008. It's like they wrote the whole thing on a sticky note and it just says, it's a chill.

XOXO. It's cool. It's chill. I'm sure it was all very straightforward. It had nothing to do with Matt's father or his father or his father. Nothing to do with any of that. Nothing to do with him or his father.

Even with the DUI charges dropped, Gates' driving record is something of a joke in his district. In 2014... he rear-ended one of his constituents while talking on his cell phone, resulting in a citation for careless driving, four points off his driver's license, and at least one less vote. To be fair, anyone in that area was going to be one of his constituents, but still. It was, by his own admission, the second fender bender he'd gotten in that year alone.

In fact, according to Northwest Florida Daily News, the citation was the 17th traffic ticket he'd received since 1999. That's a... That's a lot! Yeah? I hope I'm a better state representative than I am a driver, said Gates. And then what's probably the smarmiest thing he's ever said? We do too, man. For real. We do, too. Please. Please, God. It's so important. It's so important, Baby Gates. Oh, and about that little fender bender.

So Scott Holmko, the man definitely not voting for Matt Gaetz, reported that since that fender bender, again, little fender bender, he has suffered severe migraines and had to miss work. I guess Gates is right about his jiving skills. Maybe. Whoopsie doodle, I'm so wacky. Scarred a man for life. Whoops! Whoops! But, you know, let's get back to, let's jump back in.

Matt has just narrowly escaped a DUI conviction, has extensive legal experience in suing little ladies unable to pay their medical bills, and isn't even 30. So where do you go from here? The presidency! Political office, of course! Yeah, yeah. In 2010, Gates ran in the special election in the 4th District. after the resignation of Republican State Representative Ray Sansom. Sansom resigned following charges of corruption, specifically that he improperly wielded his influence to benefit himself.

And he also faced criminal charges of grand theft over a budget deal in which he allegedly used state tax dollars to build a jet hangar for developer Jay Odom. Who, weirdly enough... donated nearly a million dollars to Samson and the state Republican Party. Florida, are you okay? But you know what's also weird? Sansom is, like, really good friends with Don Gates. And Matt worked for him as a legislative aide during law school. And that Jay Odom guy was one of Matt's cl-

Who handled Odom's hangar release. And Odom has contributed thousands of dollars to Gates' political campaigns. It's just so weird. So somehow, against all the odds, Matt did win the primary. I know you were concerned. Uphill battle. Don Gates. told the Tampa Bay Times that Matt simply outworked his opponents and that his son didn't get many contributions he could have because being the son of Don Gates probably hurt more than it helped. Is he...

Is Daddy Gates actually saying, nah, it wasn't me. I'm such a huge asshole. That I couldn't have possibly wielded any influence. I am so unbelievably insufferable. I think his argument, if I recall, was that he pissed off so many lobbyists. that they wouldn't support his son. No, you didn't. But you know, Don's probably right. That's why Matt Gaetz raised close to $480,000.

Almost five times more than any of his rivals in the GOP primary and almost 50 times more than his Democratic challenger. And why many people who backed Don in the district also donated to his son, including the biggest moneyed interest in the district. Now remind me what he's running for one more time. Representative of a district in Florida. So the Florida State Senate. Okay. State Senate still half a million dollars?

Yeah, it just came out of nowhere. I don't know. It's just this money happened out of nowhere. Other famous people who supported Matt for absolutely no reason included Joe Scarborough. who once represented Gates' district in Congress. Also, there's former Governor Jeb Bush, a friend of Don, who endorsed the younger Gates for what is likely Matt's own merits.

That's... Honestly, you've really put some stuff together for me with the Jeb Bush comment. Because I was trying to figure... Like, this guy doesn't read as... quite the kind of... portion of the GOP that's very occasionally I associate with the Florida Panhandle because, again, Deliverance was filmed in Georgia. It's in Georgia, not West Virginia. I am required by law to mention this at least once an episode. But it's very, it's very the bushes. It's very like...

Sponsored by crest white strips. Yep. Those political legacies. And yet there's military police. Oh, God. Yeah. He's just one in a long line. Well...

As a state representative, Matt went straight to work to make his district and the state a better place. And that was my fucking phone. Let's, uh, let's turn that on mute, shall we? All right. Anyway, yes. Work, district, state, better place. This included the Timely Justice Act, a bill to make executions go even faster. What?

When people pointed out that speeding up the appeals process leads to innocent people being executed, Matt responded that only God can judge, but we sure can set up the meeting. What the f- Fuck. Yup, those are words he said. What? This will not be the only time. Do you have the void pillow? You will probably need it. There are dogs sleeping on.

Hold on. Hold up. I'm just going to scream into this dog. She almost bit me when I was just doing that. I'm not going to try my love. I love Karen. Karen. My dad's going to unfollow me if we keep talking about Karen. I think he's still salty about that one. We can't alienate a full quarter of our listenership. Anyway, back to Gatesy.

He has also sponsored legislation for open carry, among other pro-gun legislation outlined in this Gates for Congress flyer, which touts his A-plus rating from the NRA. And that he, quote, protected Florida stand-your-ground laws from anti-gun liberals like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Michael Bloomberg. Yeah, so...

First of all, not sure why Florida law needs defending from Michael Bloomberg, a New York man who was the mayor of New York City in the state of New York, which, funny enough, not Florida. Technically it is not Florida. Technically not Florida. Not anymore. But why bring up Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton? Hmm. Is there, is there a connecting thread? Well.

Because this fight to protect Stand Your Ground laws occurred in 2013, when George Zimmerman murdered a 17-year-old boy named Trayvon Martin and then claimed self-defense. Understand your ground. Yeah. Following the, following the trial, following the hate crime, following the hate crime and subsequent trial and acquittal. Hearings were ordered to review the law, which multiple studies have found that Stand Your Ground laws are racially biased. Gates was chosen to chair the meetings.

and immediately announced, before the hearings even began, that he would not support changing one damn comma, saying they'd be happy to give a full-throated defense of the law. Which is a very gross way to say that. So nothing happened. What a shock. Following the conclusion of those hearings, Gates then authored legislation that would allow defendants who successfully used a stand-your-ground defense during their trial to...

apply for a certificate of eligibility, which would expunge information relating to stand your ground from the criminal records. Really? This proposal. happened after the Tampa Bay Times published a review of 200 cases using the Stand Your Ground defense, which showed the law was unevenly applied in similar cases and had unpredictable results.

But I'm sure that's unrelated. Unrelated. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're just protecting your home. But how dare you print these people's names? How dare you ever know about it?

Then, of course, there's Matt's reputation for what many journalists call trolling, which is used less to describe, you know... adolescent antics and pranks, and more verbally abusive bullying. Ah. He mocked food stamp recipients, once tweeting,

Yesterday, I saw a lady at Publix use her access welfare card. Her back was covered in tattoos. Retweet if you support entitlement reform. Sir. Sir. No. He's even targeted his own constituents when a local man, who had run twice unsuccessfully for sheriff, inquired in the comments why a policy idea from some online poll wasn't included.

In Gates' survey about county priorities, Gates responded to him. It got even fewer votes than you did in your last two runs for public office. And then he ran him over with his car. I think that's another vote lost. I don't know. Who's counting? So in 2013, Matt announced that he would run for the first district state Senate seat. At this point was held by his father.

A seat that wouldn't open until 2016 when Dawn's term limit expired. Hmm. But I guess the early bird gets the nepotism. Hmm. However, in what would prove to be a life-changing event... In 2016, Jeff Miller, incumbent U.S. House Representative for Florida's 1st Congressional District, announced that he would not seek re-election. Most figured that Don Gates would be the successor.

But Don was walking his own path. You see, Don had already championed a bill in the state legislature to create a non-profit to manage settlement funds from lawsuits over the 2010 BP oil spill. Oh, God, this vulture. After Don left office in 2016, he became president of the Funds Board, where he now oversees $380 million in local development money.

What was that? You called him a vulture? Fucking vultures. Like, literally! He literally committed Medicaid fraud on old people that were dying, and then...

Was like BP oil spill, you say. Can I profiteer off of this? So 11 days after Miller announced his decision. Matt Gaetz withdrew from the state race and chose instead to run for the empty U.S. House seat. But that's not a lot of time to get money. And Gaetz's net worth in 2016, Matt's that is, was only Baby Gates. Baby Gates. Was only... I demand you call him by his true name. Was only 388,000. Yet, less than three weeks after Miller's announcement...

Gates dumped $100,000 into his own campaign. And then four months later, did it again. Which already made up more than half of his net worth and exceeded any of his opponent's fundraising. Well, where did this money come from? Fortunately for us, Mother Jones followed the money. They reviewed public records and financial disclosure forms and found that just days after Miller's announcement,

Matt Gates sold a house he owned for just under $100,000 and then several vacant lots he owned. All of Gates' real estate was purchased by the same buyer, a company called Trevaron. Trevaron? is a property management company that rents space and provides management services to a company called TLC Caregivers, which helps elderly and disabled people with household tasks. Now, who has that background?

business of end of life care again who's who's a fucking vulture again yeah both companies are owned by don gates christ trevoron trevoron Could you? A smarmy or white guy name for a company. Sounds like a robot in a bow tie. I am Trevor Rod. You would be pretty if you lost weight. Send me news. Negbot 3000. Oh, the Negbot. I love it. Well, so... Matt, his mom, and his sister are longtime board members of TLC Caregivers.

According to Mother Jones, Matt was also listed as an executive of both companies at the time he sold his real estate to Trevaron and remained listed as a Trevaron officer in public records until April 2019. All of this, by the way, is not covered by campaign finance law, which is, like, super cool. The coolest. You can drive a semi through campaign finance law. Campaign finance law means nothing.

So cool. The coolest. So chill. The chillest. Oh, and so there's also this thing. Matt resigned from two Florida house packs that he had started and shared. And then after the PACs closed down, they transferred all of their money, some $380,000, to a federal super PAC called North Florida Neighbors, whose sole purpose was to support Gates in his congressional race.

That super PAC received $10,000 from TLC caregivers, which again is owned by his dad, as well as two other donors who contributed $100,000 each. One was the Harness Oil and Gas Company in Houston. whose president is the daughter of a longtime Gates family friend. And then the other was Freeport Communications, owned by Jay Odom. You remember that guy? Yeah.

The airplane hanger guy. Yeah, the former Gates client who had served six months in prison for campaign finance violations. Like you do. But again, none of this is illegal. So it's cool. And chill. So Baby Gates' campaign consisted of him riding on Trump's campaign coattails, saying things like... Washington's failures have left the American people with trillions in debt, illegal immigrants sucking us dry, and attacks from Muslim terrorists rising. Oh now he is one of those.

I don't know why there was briefly a doubt in my mind. But somehow, against all the odds, a real underdog tale, Matt Gaetz won the election and became a U.S. representative. My country is happy. My dad owns these companies by Trevor.

What was it called? Trevor. Well, so that's how he got there. What has he done during this time? Let's start with the legislation. In January 2017, Gates proposed his first bill, a one-line piece of legislation to completely abolish the Environmental Protection Agency. You gonna read me the one line? Because in my mind, I'm just imagining it just says, nah. It is HR 861 to terminate the Environmental Protection Agency.

This bill terminates the Environmental Protection Agency on December 31st, 2018. My God, what a writer. In July 2017... He sponsored an amendment as response to a Democratic resolution to review James Comey's firing, which asked for an investigation into... Quote, the propriety and consequence of immunity deals given to possible Hillary Clinton co-conspirators. What? If these all sound like conspiracy theories to you.

Yeah. That's because they are. Yeah. In an incredible report from The Wired, it was discovered that Matt Gaetz's aide... Devin Murphy crowdsourced a number of the resolution salient points straight from Reddit's The Donald. Oh, Jesus. I thought at least you were going to say Breitbart. Nope. Just straight to Reddit? Straight to Reddit. And he wrote legislation of it. In June of this year, he revealed on his, no doubt, amazing podcast.

Hot takes with Matt Gaetz that he was drafting legislation to compel U.S. soccer to reverse the decision they made repealing policy 6041. which required players to stand for the national anthem. I didn't bring enough to drink. I'm sure nothing else was happening in June of this year that might have required his attention. You know.

This was the top priority for legislation. Well, hey, Jinji, being a legislator isn't all about legislation, okay? Sometimes it's about the congressional hearings and investigations. In February 2019, during a House Judiciary Committee hearing on gun violence, the first hearing of its kind since Republicans took control in 2011, Matt argued that, quote,

The greatest driver of violence was not the firearm. It's a fact that we have an immigration system that allows people to come here violently. The fuck are you on? Do you understand what words mean? Two members of the people who were in that hearing was two fathers, Parkland shooting victims, who interrupted him to say, no, that's, no.

And when they did that, Gates tried to get them ejected. Yeah, that's the least surprising thing you've said. In October 2019, Gates complained that he was kicked out of a hearing with Fiona Hill. Which is clearly evidence of the deep state. Clearly. He was kicked out of the hearing. Or, you know, Matt isn't a member of any of the committees who were doing the investigation and House rules.

clearly state that only those members are permitted to attend and participate in a deposition. You're getting bogged down by logic. He's just going to drive his car straight through the hearing.

Crying freedom! In December 2019, Gates tried to steer the impeachment hearings away from the actual impeachment and that whole abuse of power thing to the Bidens? specifically Burisma and its corrupt hiring of Hunter Biden. And now for a video clip. And I don't want to make light of anybody's... Substance abuse issues, I know the president's working real hard to solve those throughout the country, but it's a little hard to believe that Burisma hired Hunter Biden.

to resolve their international disputes when he could not resolve his own dispute with Hertz rental car over leaving cocaine and a crack pipe in the car. I would say that the pot... Calling the kettle black is not something that we should do. I don't know. I don't know what members, if any. have had any problems with substance abuse, been busted in DUI, I don't know. But if I did, I wouldn't raise it against anyone on this committee.

just delightful just fucking delightful how embarrassing for you Like, his entire rant, like, gross hypocrisy aside, was sort of like being at Thanksgiving dinner and your uncle screaming, to go to Chipotle next Sunday. And you're just like, what? But, oh god, the hypocrisy of it all. Ah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But you know, hey, what's a congressional hearing, right? It's all about the media message, okay? In January 2018, Matt appeared on Alex Jones' Infowars. Yeah. If listeners are unfamiliar, Alex Jones, the man who was successfully sued for his assertion that the Sandy Hook shooting was a hoax and has said the government puts chemicals in the water to make the friggin' frogs gay!

Jones lauded Matt as one of the strongest, most focused, eloquent, on-target voices defending Trump. That's a red flag. In the same month... In an interview with Chris Hayes on MSNBC, Matt justified Trump's description of Haiti as a shithole by agreeing completely. Saying that the country's conditions were deplorable, disgusting, and... Full of sheet metal and garbage. In April 2020, Matt appeared on the Laura Weird Nazi Wave Ingram Show with Chris Hahn, a progressive political commentator.

The topic was, as read at the bottom of the screen, Dems use pandemic to push mail-in voting. So we're off to the races. After Matt claims that it's the... Democrats politicizing the corona crisis. Han immediately calls out Baby Gates for his hypocrisy and reminds all of us of Matt's publicity stunt back in March when he warned... Actual gas mask on the House floor to vote for an emergency spending bill. A thing that he literally did. What? Why did he do that thing?

I think the whole point was to mock the idea that like we needed all these protections against this virus. Like how silly are you guys? But then in this very funny in this clip, which is very long, I cannot play it for you. He starts saying like the reason he wore it was to demonstrate how. How congresspeople are at risk because airports are dirty? An argument no one believed. No. Jesus. Well, hey.

Then there's the social media, right? Right? Yeah. In October 2018, after the brutal assassination of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi by Saudi agents, Matt tweeted, The media is painting Khashoggi as a journalist rather than a political participant. Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% opposing to killing people for their politics, but I don't know that this is journalism. What? Oh, God. Keep going. Play through the pain.

That same month, Matt tweeted about a caravan of migrants that had set out from Central America and was heading for the U.S.-Mexico border. alleging that George Soros was giving cash to women and children to join the caravan and storm the U.S. border. In February of 2019, he tweeted threats against former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, threatening the release of damaging information as payback for Cohen's congressional testimony against the president.

As it turns out, that's an ethical violation. And the Florida Bar soon opened up an investigation to see whether Gates had violated its conduct rules. Matt Gates then apologized. Because, you know. Who would have known he'd get in trouble for his actions? Who'd have known? It's so weird. Consequences? What? And then in June 2020, he tweeted...

Now that we clearly see Antifa as terrorists, can we hunt them down like we do those in the Middle East? Okay, there's two issues here. There's at least two issues here. At least. I'm just going to start with you're doing what to people in the Middle East? Hunting them down. No. So. After a literal violent threat, Twitter remarkably determined that this tweet violated its policies against glorifying violence and took it down. Good on you, Twitter. Which, you know, what a bar. But, hey.

Perhaps it is too limiting to talk about Matt Gaetz the legislator. To really know Matt Gaetz, we have to see him for who he really is. A lover. A parent. Oh. In a June hearing on police reform in the wake of George Floyd's death, Matt got into it with Representative Cedric Richmond. After Richmond, a black man made the point that... As a black father with black sons, police brutality is something that worries him daily.

Gates then asked Richmond if he was implying that none of the members on the panel had non-white children, saying, you're claiming you have more concern for my family than I do? Who in the hell do you think you are? What? Which are super weird questions to ask for a point that was not made. No. Not remotely. Yeah. So buckle up for this. After that hearing.

Matt Gaetz sent out a tweet, because of course he did, with a picture of him standing beside what looks like a grown-ass man. For all those wondering, this is my son Nestor. We share no blood. but he is my life. He came from Cuba, legally of course, six years ago and lives with me in Florida. I am so proud of him and raising him has been the best, most rewarding thing I've done in my life.

What? Wait, what? Who the fuck is Nestor? Someone who wasn't even mentioned on your congressional profile? Your dog was, but not your son? Not your son? So who the fuck is Nestor? Well, in March 2016, Gates posted a photo on Facebook of him and two local students, one of whom is Nestor. Quote, It was great working with local students Sophia Burleson and Nestor Galbon in Tallahassee this week. They were fantastic house pages. A weird way to refer to your kid.

Weird way to refer to your kid. Gates also posted a video in December 2017 in which he referred to Nestor as his helper. I'm sorry? Well... After this Twitter reveal, Matt took his 19-year-old son on Tucker Carlson's show, in which he claimed he raised Nestor since the boy was 12 years old. Apparently. Gates was dating Nestor's sister when their mother died. Gates and the sister's relationship ended, and for some reason, Gates continued to have a relationship with the kid. Okay.

On Gates' shitty-ass podcast, Ass Takes with Matt Gates, he said, I sort of feel like a single step-parent at times. Except you're not. No. You were dating his sister? Not his mom! Did he adopt this kid? No! No! Okay, then no, you're not that kid. No! Also... You're 37 now, Matt, and you say you've raised Nestor since he was 12. That was seven years ago, so you were 30. How the fuck old was his sister? I know age gaps exist, but...

But he looks like the kind of guy who dated 20-year-olds when he was 30. And even more important, Nestor has a father who is alive and living and whose name is not that good. Oh boy. And with whom Nestor lived with until he turned 18. What the fuck? Not that I think, like, as far as we can tell, yes, Matt Gaetz had a relationship with this sister. Sister and Nestor's mom died. He had a relationship with this kid.

I guess it was kind of almost little brother-y. And he and sister broke up. Nestor went to live with his actual dad. And then it wasn't until Nestor turned 18 that he moved back. And Mike... be living with Matt Gaetz at this point. Which I guess, I mean, man has money, like, I don't blame him. Yeah, I mean, like, that's fine. A, It related not one iota to the original thing that caused you to bring this up and clutch your pearls about your son, a young man of color who is not your son.

He's not. He's not his son. Nor his stepdad. No. He's not his stepdad. Not even his brother. So. But I mean, honestly. Who doesn't have hidden adult sons waiting in the wings just when you need to score political points? I have like three in my closet right now. Seriously. I keep telling you to give them air. You know, they're fine. I poked holes.

besides all these things happened in the past who hasn't made mistakes like Accidentally inviting a white supremacist and Holocaust denier to the 2018 State of the Union. He what now? That could have happened to anybody. Yeah, he did that. They also, he afterwards, he was like, oopsie daisy, but then also went out, like, and hung out with him on a yacht somewhere. Well, yes, of course. What else are yachts for, Wren? For hanging out with all of us tonight. Yes.

But hey, it's time to let go of the past and focus on the present. Yesterday... Matt Gaetz went on Fox News to call the war on historical monuments and statues as an attempt at cultural genocide. stating that, quote, the left wants us to be ashamed of America so that they can replace America, and that, quote, they're tearing down Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Frederick Douglass.

which they're not no no they're certainly churchill first of all winston churchill was not an american matt no not even a little bit why do we give a shit um boy also Again, cannot put a fine enough. The Confederacy lasted less time than glee. Yeah, Glee was renewed for way more seasons than the Confederacy was. They canceled that shit after four seasons. I will join the proletariat in tearing down Statue and Michelle if they are ever erected, but...

What the fuck? He also said with his mouth and everything that, quote, The organizers of Black Lives Matter who pledge allegiance to the destruction of America have a lot more in common with the Confederate generals that they hate than they would like to admit. No. And also, does that mean you have a weird boner for him? So nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Doesn't matter if it's past.

present or future, Matt Gaetz is still the most punchable man in America. And that's this fucking guy. Woo! I cannot believe you hadn't heard about this fucker before. Jesus Christ. I mean, my life was better then. It was simpler. It was a cleaner, simpler time. He definitely is the U.S. representative for the Panhandle. I mean... Thor. Nothing surprises me anymore except for...

Every once in a while, something just jumps out of the shadows and delights me. Like a fake secret sun that you pull out to get fake indignant. over a comment relating to police brutality without bringing it back to police brutality even a little bit. Just, oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

So, clearly, we need a self-care plan. Yeah. Social media is a great way to keep connected to others, but it also can be stressful and draining. Here are some tips to practice self-care online. Remember that people are not their social media presence. It's easy to scroll through Facebook or Instagram and see image after image of milestones in success and begin to think negatively about the status of your own life.

It's important to remember that no one's life is as perfect as their Pinterest. Remind yourself that people are not their social media version of themselves. Except for Matt Gaetz, who absolutely is. Be mindful. When you're engaging with social media, check in with yourself. Are you feeling happy or energized, stressed out and anxious? Ask yourself if certain people's posts stress you out or make you upset. That's the case.

Unfriend them or unfollow them and spend time online with people who you really care about. Like your secret adult son who you've never mentioned before now. Never. Take a break. If social media is stressing you out, feel free to take a break from it. This is especially true if your feed is filled with posts about police brutality, the coronavirus, or other emotionally demanding topics.

Don't feel bad about taking care of yourself. It's okay to take a step back, relax, and imagine punching Matt Gaetz in his oh-so-punchable face. That's the good stuff. I'm going to make a mindfulness app that's all about guided meditation to imagine punching Matt Gaetz in the face. I have a void pillow. I'm gonna have to get you, like, a speed bag with his face on it.

Like shredded. Yeah, but I don't want to see it. Well, you see it and then it's gone because you done punch it, but then it's back. But then you make it gone and then that's... That's how punching bags work. Welcome to my TED Talk. Welcome to Physics by Ginger and Ren. Physics people. Oh, God. Well. As enjoyable as it was, I guess that's gonna have to be it for us this week, folks. If you like what you're hearing, you should check us out.

at thisfnguypod.com or on Twitter at thisfnguypod. We are also at Facebook at thisfnguypod because Facebook's weird. Don't donate to our Patreon. Just keep donating to the ACLU because of guys like Baby Gates. It does exist, but it's, you know. Well, anyway. I am Ren Martinez. And I am Ginger Golub. Here's a bonus self-care tip. Visualize tiny kitty toe beans. Just do it. So great. There's a little. And don't be. This fucking guy. Peace.