105. Beyond Parenting: Six Strategies to Thrive in Your Next Chapter

And if you're like the 80% of people age 50 to 64 who are just satisfied with their lives , even just a little bit , then what are you going to do about it ? What are you going to do about it today ? What then ? What are you going to do about it ? What are you going to do about it today ?

Here's your host , the Empty Nest Coach , Jay Ramston .

But hold on to your hats , my friends , because I'm coming in a little hot today , not because I've got a crystal ball Nope , that's not it but because I see something pretty common and I want to shine a light on it for you . So where's all this coming from ?

Well , lately I've been noticing a lot of comments and messages , especially during graduation season , about feelings of being lost after the kids leave home . And let me tell you , I get it Because I've seen this with so many clients and community members . It's the biggest thing that comes up when the kids prepare to leave the nest .

Now , many of you , you've dedicated your lives to raising your children . No-transcript time . You did something just for you . When was the last time I did something just for me ? Am I still connected to the person I was before I was a parent ? Do I even know or remember who I was before I became a parent ? Chances are probably not . I became a parent .

Chances are probably not . Here's something I discovered and you might find it interesting . In 2017 , the Pew Research Center did a study that found that nearly 80% yes , 80 , eight zero percent of adults aged 50 to 64 report feeling somewhat or very dissatisfied with their sense of purpose and fulfillment . That's a pre-pandemic rate of 80% .

I can only imagine that it's maybe a little bit higher now , given everything that we went through with the pandemic , and here's why that rate is so high . Many of us , many of us purposely delay our own passions to prioritize our children's needs , which can lead to feeling disconnected from our own identity .

Navigating major life transitions , such as the children leaving home , often experience increased levels of anxiety and depressive symptoms if they don't have an intentional self-focus or purpose . An intentional self-focus or purpose . Do you see where I'm going

with today ? So I want you to know my emptiness . Friends , you are not alone . First of all , in feeling this way , it's incredibly common to feel a bit lost because most of us weren't educated on how to transition into this new phase of life . There just weren't any examples for us . Now I want you to think about this .

What if , instead of feeling lost , you looked at this as an opportunity , an opportunity to rediscover who you are , beyond being a parent or a caregiver , to focus your energy back on yourself . Here's a thought what if this season is actually meant to be your me era ? Okay , the idea of me time ? It's more than just a phrase .

Me time is more than just a phrase . You might be thinking great . Easier said than done , jay , I get it . I get it . Starting something new can be intimidating , but it's also essential . Let's talk for a minute about how you start shifting your perspective and your energy .

First , reframe your fear and discomfort , because that feeling in your stomach , right there in the pit of your stomach , when you start thinking about changes , that's just your brain signaling hey , I'm stepping out of my comfort zone here . And growth like real growth , that happens just beyond that zone .

Studies from Harvard Business School show that embracing discomfort actually makes us more resilient . It makes us more creative and confident . So leaning into that unease is a good sign . It means you're actually on the edge of growth . So what can you do to move forward ?

Here are six strategies for this week . They're simple and they're doable and they're powerful . If you're at home and you got a pen and paper , write it down , press pause as many times as you need If you're driving . Come back to this episode , please . Here are six strategies to get comfortable with being uncomfortable . Number one acceptance .

Recognize that discomfort is part of the process . You know this , inherently . You know this . But when emotions come up , whether they're that sadness or fear or guilt , acknowledge them , acknowledge them without judgment . And here's a reflective question for you what feelings are you willing to accept as part of this transition ? Number two start small .

Big changes happen little by little . Maybe it's dedicating 10 minutes a day just for yourself reading or walking or meditating , or something else just for yourself , reading or walking or meditating or something else . But start small . And here's your reflective question for starting small what's one small thing you can do today that makes you feel alive and authentic ?

And if you find it hard to kind of zone in on what alive and authentic means , spend a little time figuring out what that means for you as part of starting small . Number three practice mindfulness and breathing . A few deep breaths or a short meditation can center you and reduce anxiety . I know this to be true .

I know that people talk about this all the time , with mindfulness and gratitude and breathing , but it's built on science . It does work . So think about this all the time , with mindfulness and gratitude and breathing . But it's built on science . It does work . So think about this . How do you feel right now ? Can you pause and just breathe for a moment ?

Here's why research shows that mindfulness practices like meditation significantly decrease feelings of stress and improve emotional regulation . A 2022 review in Frontiers in Psychology found that consistent mindfulness , a consistent mindfulness practice , leads to lower levels of anxiety and depression , especially in adults who are facing significant life transitions .

And the empty nest , whether you want to believe it or not , is a significant life transition . Okay , number four visualize what success looks like . Imagine yourself embracing this new chapter . Imagine yourself feeling confident , joyful and purposeful . Visualization isn't just wishful thinking , my friends . Again , I'm going to go to the science .

Science shows it can prime your brain for success . A study published in Psychological Science found that visualization techniques improves performance and confidence in real-world tasks . Imagine what your life . Visualize what your life is going to look like tomorrow , the next day , the next month , the next year . Ask yourself what does my ideal , me era look like ?

What passions or activities light you up ? Right now , maybe there are no passions or activities that light you up right now . But that's no passions or activities that light you up right now . But that's the goal is to find what that looks like . First , you got to deal with the feelings . Go back to step one , all right .

Step five shift your perspective Instead of viewing this transition as a loss and it is a loss . I don't want to minimize that at all . It's a loss of energy in the home . It's a loss of how a daily routine works . It's a change . I want you to see it as an opportunity , though . Challenges are lessons in disguise .

We talked about challenges a little bit last week . They're lessons in disguise . When you reframe setbacks as growth opportunities , you open the door to resilience . Growth opportunities . You open the door to resilience Again .

Research from positive psychology suggests that a mind shift viewing optic obstacles as opportunities enhances well being and Excel accelerates your personal growth . And if there's anything that I believe in , it's developing and continuing to develop personal growth in your empty nest years . Okay , here's a reflective question for this one .

How can I reframe my current challenges to see them as stepping stones ? Your kids are off taking that next step . Do the same for yourself . Number six build resilience .

Resilience isn't about never failing , never falling , never tripping up on yourself . It's about bouncing back stronger each time . I want you to embrace the setbacks as part of the process . The more you practice we hear this all the time the more you practice , the sturdier emotional muscles become . Yes , emotional muscles .

A lot of what happens here in the work that I do with folks is building mental wealth . We talk about physical health . We talk about physical wealth . We talk about financial wealth . Let's get into mental wealth as well . Research from the American Psychology Association highlights that resilience is associated with better mental health outcomes during life transitions .

And again , we know yes , jay , emptiness is a life transition , and a pretty big one . Okay , here's a reflective question for this . What's a recent challenge other than the transition from going into empty nesting ? What's a recent challenge ? You turned into an opportunity and how did you grow ? So here's what I want you to hold on to this week .

You are at a powerful turning point , a pivotal time in your life . Feelings of uncertainty are natural , but they can also be your invitation to take a look inside and see how you want to grow as a person . This is the time for that . Your emptiness years are a time to grow as a person .

And if you're sitting there and saying , no way , I am who I am , there's no chance for me to grow . You can I've seen it time and time again . And if you love who you are now , right now , great . How can you make it better ?

And if you're like the 80% of people age 50 to 64 who are just satisfied with their lives , even just a little bit , then what are you going to do about it ? What are you going to do about it today ? What are you going to do about it tomorrow , the next day ? Remember , growth takes patience , it takes compassion and it takes consistent effort .

And the consistent effort is where a lot of people get tripped up , but also the patience and compassion in your own life for yourself is another place people get tripped up . But again , the most important thing is to start small and to celebrate each step .

And here's a little secret the more you lean into discomfort , knowing it's a sign you're moving forward , the easier it becomes . Now , if you're wondering where the heck to get started , or if you'd like some personalized guidance , I've got something just for you .

I created a masterclass called your Me Era and it's designed specifically for men and women like you who already discover their purpose and embrace this new chapter . Embrace it fully . That's the goal Now , this your Me Era . It's just a laid-back , practical and focused on helping you build resilience .

It helps you find passions and create your next best chapter , and it's all built inside of a community . You can check it out at thisemptinesslifecom under the masterclasses tab . There is no pressure , it's just a resource when you're ready .

All right , my friends , just another reminder . You don't have to go this alone . It's okay to ask for help . It's okay to lean on a community or to seek support , whether that's through self-care friends or professionals . Lean on a community or to seek support , whether that's through self-care friends or professionals .

Every small step you take , every new perspective you adopt that brings you closer to thriving in your me era . Okay , thanks for listening . And remember this is your time . Embrace it , grow into it and own it . And until next time , take care of yourselves and know you're capable of incredible things .

And now is the time to take care of yourselves and know you're capable of incredible things and now is the time to do them . We'll see you next week .