This could give me for our podcast What Up on Jizzo? That is John Magic and we are back. Jessee and I have always talked about having a guest like this on the show, and we actually have a friend. Well, we had her on the podcast a few episodes back, Mo and we're like, wait, Mo has a friend that is in this profession. Yeah,
that we've been wanting to get on. Yeah. So today's guest is a wife, a mom, a professor at Fresno State, a yoga teacher and trainer, a Lululemon ambassador, and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Niantara Rodriguez is a right Thank you for joining us on the pod. Thank you. I am so honored to be here. Jizo and I always talk about having a therapist because it's an interesting it's an interesting job, uh, interesting background. And I know we have done therapy in the past and we
shared some things about it, but we've never actually like interviewed theirs. I guess I should preface by saying that if you guys follow me on social media, some people know that I just I just started therapy. Okay, you're back at it. So I'm like five weeks in and I have to preface that she's not my therapist. That would be weird. That probably wouldn't happen in real life where you're interviewing your therapist. Yeah, it probably, No,
it probably wouldn't happen. Wouldn't be a good idea ethical. I wanted to start by this. I know it's already July as we're recording this episode, but last month was men Men's Mental Health Month? Yes, month. Why do you think it's important for men to have a Men's Mental Health Month? Oh gosh, I mean, I hope to cover everything that I can,
but this. I know it's only an hour, but it could be as long as we want, really, But I think it's so important because society, I feel, really makes us feel like, especially men, that you guys can't talk about your feelings, that you have to have it all together and be strong and vulnerability or crying or showing emotions is a sign of
weakness. And I think that a lot of men have grown up that way, and you know generationally too, like it's passed down from our parents, like how a man or a woman in quotes is supposed to be and what they're supposed to be like. So I think it's so important for us to have a Men's Mental Health Month to show like men also need mental health. You guys need to talk about your feelings. You need to talk about things that are you know, stored in your heart. It's important for you.
Yeah, I'm glad it's something that's being talked about more and more because as growing up, the whole mental health conversation was like not even a thing in school. You know, I could have been going through it and it was kind of just like get your act together, be a man, get over it, and it wasn't a thing. And now, you know, I'm happy that it's more talked about, especially amongst guys, of having therapy and mental health, because that was nowhere to be found when I was growing up.
And it's imagine if I did have it, or people that were struggling at that time did have it and was talked about more, would have been a lot better. Y. I won't go into detail about the things that I'm learning and being aware of, but you kind of brought up a lot of this is from your childhood. Yes, I was trying to grasp that, and you know, I learned some things from my therapy session that really
made me open my eyes. Can you kind of go in depth about why is it something that happened years and years ago when you were a kid carries on to today? Good question. Yeah, that's a multi layered question. But to kind of like break it down a little bit, when you're younger, right, one of the things that happens to you is that your core beliefs about yourself are really made not just like in your mind as a memory,
but like they're imprinted in your brain, right. Like, So I don't want to get too much into that, because there's a whole science behind that, especially trauma and things like that, but I think that basically, to kind of make it a little bit like a shorter version, we all are almost like wounded boys and girls, little boys and girls that kind of grow up without really talking about what has happened, and so we build like these walls around us to help us kind of cope with reality and life,
and it's our defensiveness, right, And then we kind of like grow up not really being able to process that ourselves. So we end up making decisions like being in the wrong relationships or marrying somebody that really kind of like makes us feel less than because that's who we internally think that we are supposed to
be. So things that even happen to us at like five or six, they are imprinted in our heart, our memory, our brain, you know, and then we kind of grow up without really ever dealing with that and then making subconscious decisions. So that's like the thoughts behind the thoughts about our life based on who we think we are. I always felt that we were somebody. Yeah I talk about this with Magic. It was we really are
like a product of our environment. And it's it's crazy that something that can happen so many years ago or when you're young that can affect you into your adulthood, Like it really just stays with you that whole time. And now are you saying, is that because we don't cope with it during that time? Like would that be different if we did? Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Like, so trying to think of an example, Like, for instance, if you're like a young child, right, like let's just
say like eight or nine, and your parents divorced. A lot of children at that age like internalize that process, so they think, oh, mom and dad divorced because I did something wrong. Well, a lot of parents that are divorced, like they don't really talk to their kids, they don't take them to therapy. You know. Well, a lot of parents will just be like, oh, they're resilient their kids, like they'll get over it, or they're too young, or they're whatever, right, But internally,
there's a lot going on with this child. So internally, again at that age, they're thinking, oh, gosh, like it's me. I maybe like cried too much, maybe I asked for too much, maybe whatever, right, And then they grow up kind of thinking that they're too much.
I'm just kind of using an example. But if at that time their mom and dad would have sat them down and said, hey, like, this is not about you, you know, and that continue that process of not making them pick or not making them like feel like this is what you need to do or this is what you should who you should be with. If they actually sat down and processed it, that child would grow up with
better coping skills. They would not think like this is my fault, yeah, say like, oh, well it's because mom and dad like they really couldn't, you know, work it out, and this is the kind of on them. They wouldn't personalize it the way they did at eight years old, when they it wasn't talked about, when it wasn't processed. Do do certain things that affects kids at a young age, Like let's use that example
of parents divorcing and a kid thinking that it was their fault. What does that type of kid usually grow up to be or what are the things that they struggle with? Like do people fait a certain category based off of what they dealt with as a younger person? Or it could it be different things. It's so interesting because we are all different. Yeah, so, but there are patterns that I've noticed, Like I've been I've been being I'm a
therapist. I've been the therapist since two thousand and seven. I don't know how long that is. I'm bad in math, but you want to you should? We try to figure it out. Eighteen years seven? Da? No, sixteen eighteen? Well, okay, let's go twenty years. Twenty years would be twenty twenty seven. It's twenty twenty four, so you minus three for twenty twenty four and that would make it seventeen years seventeen. Sorry,
No, that's okay. So but in those seventeen years or so, I have noticed like patterns and so like a lot of people that had been through really bad traumatic divorces have a lot of anxiety because at that time, at eight years old, they can control one of the most important things in their lives, which was their parents. Right like at eight or nine,
Like think about that, you're looking up to your parents. They're like everything to you, you know, And so like at that age, a lot of times when their whole world has been destroyed and they don't understand why and they think it's them, they usually have a lot of anxiety. So that means like they weren't able to one time control something that was so big for
them that they grow up trying to control everything around them. And when they can't control anything around them, that's when like there's a lot of anxiety. Like it could be anything, I mean anything. It could be just controlling the person there with, controlling their friends, controlling you know, how many things they eat in a day. I mean, it could be a lot
of overthinking, a lot of overthinking, a lot of anxiety. How about the side of you know, Jesse and I always talk about, oh, maybe it's a generation thing where that's just how for example, I'm Filipino, I grew up with both my parents, but they worked a lot. I remember as a kid having a nanny like with maids and stuff. But to me, that was my life. It's like, it's to me, this
is just how we are. I didn't really see just within my family, but I do hear it's common with Filipinos that you don't really share your emotions. You don't, you don't. Affection is not a thing. But I just grew up thinking this was normal. Yes, So you know the things that I'm kind of learning right now is when I do feel in a relationship like love, like I don't want like I don't want to let this go and I will ignore everything. Just is that true? Like you crave it?
To me, my childhood was normal quote unquote normal. Yes, But I know exactly what you mean, and that's what I'm saying. It's such like a deep process and there's so many layers right to it. So I mean, we I hate just hitting one layer at a time, but anyway, but that is a layer of it, which is like our family system has so much to do with who we are. And you saying like it was totally normal to me, I didn't really think that I was missing out,
et cetera. True, but there are some like human needs that we all need to be met with, you know. And and again, your parents' parents probably did the same thing, so they knew, like they all they knew was this is normal, this is okay, this is what you
know. But then you come into different culture, right that requires different things or has you kind of open up to a different thing or different experiences that now you're like, I am missing out on this, or I never received that kind of love, or when I do get that kind of of love, I'm holding onto it because I've never received it before. Yeah, the thing you know, I don't want to get too deep onto it. But the thing I'm learning about is I never knew about codependency. And that's what
man, that that's wild. So I guess the second thing to that is do you heat? Because people say by going to therapy and taking the time to heal, how do you do you what? How do you heal? Is it just because you're aware so now you know? Yes, Okay, So there's no such thing as like my mind is now different. Like I'm trying to understand how do you heal? Like do you train your brain type? Of thing, or yeah, what is the healing? What is what
is the prescription for that? That's such a good question. I say, healing is like a lifelong process. You know, I'm a therapist. You answered all the things you said before, and I'm still healing. I feel like I'm still I hear that a lot friends that go to therapy. They're like, no, I've been in therapy for years and it's a forever fight, is what it feels like. Well, yeah, and it's not. You don't have to be in therapy all your life, but you do have
to be self aware. So I always say, like self awareness is like the key to change because if you can just be honest with yourself, yeah, literally, just be honest with yourself. And it's crazy how people have the hardest time doing that because it's scary to be honest with yourself. It's scary to say, yeah, my ego guests in the way quite a bit. It's scary to say, yeah, I feel rejected when this person you know did this. So it's so hard to admit those faults, right,
are those things that you struggle with? Yeah, But as soon as you are honest with yourself and have self awareness, well, guess what, Like that is a catalyst to change, because next time you walk into a room and somebody says something and you feel rejected and you're like, oh, that's like my ego or that's me just feeling my past abandonment or whatever it is or rejection, then I can check that at the door, or I can kind of like let go of that in the moment and now I'm interacting with
this and in a different way, and that then creates change in the moment, in the present moment. Right. So it's these little little things that you do every single day with self awareness or this like change that creates a bigger change in your life. Like for instance, like with me, when
I went to therapy, I was like twenty something years old. I was fighting depression and anxiety, and I stepped into a therapist's office like thinking like they're gonna give me all like the tools to change, Like I'm gonna she's gonna tell me A B and C and you're I'm where you're I'm where you're at with the story that you're saying, that's where I'm at at the moment. Yeah, And then I get in there and she's like, well, how do you feel about them? I'm like, oh my god, I
don't know. You know, that's why I'm here tell me. But I think what I realized that one of the most powerful sessions that I had with her was I was sitting there talking about my now husband and I didn't know who's gonna be my husband then, but he was so different. And I remember telling her like, I don't know, like I don't know. I was basically just pushing him away because the love that he was giving me I
was never used to receiving, you know. I was just like, oh no, like he's too nice or whatever, right, and I just like pushing him away. And she just one liner. She was like, you know, you keep saying that you deserve love, yet her love like is in front of you and you just keep pushing it away. It just seems like what I think is like you just don't feel like you deserve that love and that like at that time, I fought her on it. I was like, yeah, I do, like I totally know, I do all
that stuff. And then I went home and I thought about it, and I was like, She's so right. All of my actions up until that point were like I don't love myself. I was picking the guys that showed that I was like doing the things that just showed that I didn't love myself, that I didn't feel deserving of that. And then once I had that self awareness, I started to make better decisions about my life, you know. And so that in itself just like changed so much for me. So
I hear that a lot, especially in my sessions. The whole loving yourself. Yeah, that's the current thing I'm working on. But what is Just give me one or two examples, because I'm trying to grasp that idea of loving yourself because in my head I think I I think I love myself. Yeah, that's a good question, Like what exactly does that mean? Yeah? Like what am I supposed to be doing? Yeah? A good way to gauge that is like, think about the one person that you love the
most. Okay, think about them? Okay, Now, like if you if you think about them and you say, if that person did this or they were going through this, what would I tell them If you can do that exact same thing, that would be loving yourself or working towards loving yourself more. Right, So, like a lot of times we'll tell people that we love, like really great advice, or we'll give them grace or we'll give them passion, or we'll be like, oh, don't worry about that,
like you made a mistake. Like if we do that, man, it just hit me. Yeah. Right, then we're like so angry with ourselves or we make the wrong decisions for ourselves. It's that whole It's easier said than done right exactly, Well, because you're doing it for somebody else, yeah, exactly, you love for yourself. So I would say, like a good gauge is like whatever you tell the person that you love the most, like do that to yourself or tell yourself that and then follow it.
Wow, good advice. That that hit me big man. That that one got me because yeah, I could see it. What hits you about that? Because, like I said, I every time they say, oh, just you have to love yourself, I'm like, you never understood what because I like myself, Like you know, I'm working like physically I'm working to better myself. But the mental part I never understood because I don't hate me. Yeah, but it's that thing that you said about what you would
tell someone you love, like if you gave them advice and stuff. Do you give yourself that advice? I never thought of it that way. Yeah, because like I'm feeling something. But then what if I told myself you know X y Z that that's like big Yeah. Man, I can see I can see like you're really getting hit by a lot of these things. Really turn this into a session real quick. I can see the impact like it's making on you. I can see it in your eyes and the way
you talk about it real quick. This is kind of switching subjects because you brought it up, Jizoe. You remember that thing you were asking you were wondering if therapists see therapists? Yeah, so, and you just brought it up that you saw do you I know that was more in your younger days, but do you in your older days? I guess now? Do you
see therapy dding in your later years? Yes? Hell? Yes. Like I always feel like if a therapist is like I don't need a therapist, there's something wrong with that therapist, Like every therapist should be seeing a therapist here there, Like right now we see a couple therapists, my husband and I because we're getting to that point of like the kids are becoming teenagers. We need to be on the same page. It's our time to kind of connect and like go deeper. So like we feel like a couple therapy is
really good. Eventually we're gonna bring the kids in and do some family therapy. So I hell yeah, like definitely. But what is the difference though, Because as a therapist, wouldn't you have kind of the answers to the test. Oh yeah, good one, I mean yes and no. So like it's like it's very easy to know the things but not practice the things. You know. So because again, I'm human at the end of the day, right, Like I'm human, and so I have my own defenses.
So there like might be something that my like let's say my husband says to me that kind of hits me my inner child, right, and hits my inner child, like he'll say something about, you know, hey, I'm just making something up. The house wasn't like really clean today when I got home, and now my inner child I was like, oh, I wasn't good enough, right, So then I'll get defensive about it and like yell or whatever, get angry because I'm a human at the end of the
day. But as a like, by going to therapy and couple's therapy, Like we could talk about that issue and then I could like have a therapist say, well, hey, it really sounds like something else is getting triggered here, Like what do you think that is? You know, like let's
sit down with that for a while. And now it gives me a moment to kind of drop in and have my self awareness to where I'm like, oh, yeah, well it does kind of remind me of this, and the next time we have that interaction, I know it's not him trying to like down me or tell me I'm not like good enough or I'm not a good wife. Right, I'm not taking it personally. So something that I've
always wondered about couple you brought up couple's therapy. Is it for married people only or do you do people always do you guys see couples that are just
dating? Yeah, I I would love I would love every person that's thinking about getting to get like and being married to go see a therapist first and continue that process for a while, because really what happens is like we usually like pick our you know, a significant other at like twenty three to like thirty, Right, that's kind of when people get married and that's such an important time of your life because if you don't know yourself really and truly,
you're gonna pick a person that really speaks to your wounds more than more than your healing. Right. So that's why we pick these people that are speaking more to our wounds, like filling that those parts up. And then by like forty that's why there's so many divorces is because by that time, you know, you're the same things that kind of brought you together are bringing you
apart. You're like, you know, not on the same page about the kids, Like the kids have now left or something, and now it's just you and them, and now you aren't getting along. So I really think like getting their even when you're just dating. If you're thinking about getting married or being in a relationship long term, definitely go and get couples counseling. You know how you just mentioned that you find someone that feed Would you say
feeds feeds like your wound? Are you trying to say that those relationships don't work or not if you're not self aware of working on it, you know what I mean? Because again it's kind of like how to explain it, Like let's say you talked about codependency. You know, it's kind of like two people getting together that are wounded, like their inner children are wounded. So let's say, gosh, I'm trying to think of like one of my couples. Let's say we have like a woman who at a very young age
was always like talked to in a really angry way by her father. Right, she doesn't really trust men, but then she gets with a man who basically talks over her quite a bit and whatnot. But then there, even though she doesn't trust men and she doesn't like that, it makes her feel like home. Right, It's like almost like it feels like this is what
I'm used to. It's normal for her. So even though she knows in a way she doesn't like it and it's wrong, she all like people usually go back to what's normal for them that makes sense, and then they never really work it through, so then they're always arguing over the years, and then that builds resentment, and then that builds people to like eventually like either
cheat on one another or hate one another or just get divorced. But if that can be kind of like talked about right in the beginning, we're not going to have that problem. I imagine that when couples go to therapy they want to know a lot of who's right and who's wrong. Yes, And I imagine that it's probably not a lot of that, or is some of it that it's not that, it's a lot of like diving in deeper. Like what I do with my couples is like they'll come in and I will
ask each of them to tell me about their family history. So we start there, okay, like tell me about your great grandparents, Like what was a relationship, Like was there any abuse, was there any alcohol or domestic will anything? Right? Like, I'm just getting patterns, and what you'll
see is it's all kind of usually passed down generation through generation. And then you get to themselves and they start to understand and realize like why they take the way they tick, And that in itself is just healing because now they have like some kind of self awareness as to like, oh, that's why you know, that's why I do that, or that's why he does that.
And I have the other person sit in the session with each other so they can understand what this person has gone through through, like their family system, you know, so they don't take it as personally because a lot of us we just take things personally all the time when we don't need to. So all right, we let's switch things up. Jesse and I always talk
about our anxieties. Yeah, can have like what's one of our anxieties that we always talk about, because I know we have like little ocd uh little things that we do that for example, like on looking at my bank account, I get anxiety if the numbers are not you know, like evens are odds or five? What else we talk I meant anxiety. We get a lot of work anxiety, that's for sure, making sure that things are done on time when really we have like a lot of time to do it,
uh, not wanting people to like wait on us. Different things like that. I deal with a lot of work anxieties or even sometimes I think about other people's situations and that even gives me anxiety, which I feel is like really bad. Is this the same thing? It comes from our childhood? Anxiety? Again multi layered, So I mean I would have to like really sit down and talk to you guys to don't know, but I think again
multi layered. One of the things about anxiety too is like just our environment and how like fast paced everything is now, so that like I'm going to kind of switch to yoga in a way or mindfulness, right, because I think that again, our society is just so fast paced that we're always either on the phone. You guys are all probably on social media quite a bit because of your job, like all the things that you have to do, you're never really in the present moment, or you can't really just enjoy the
present moment. I think that's what it is. I think for me, I'm always always the moment I go to sleep to wake up, I'm always thinking ahead, Like I literally have my whole day planned out the moment I wake up, and I'm thinking while I'm doing something, I'm already thinking what I'm doing next. And I think that that planning for the future or thinking about what I have to do when it's not even here, is what always
messes me up. That's what always drives my anxiety crazy. And it's just like what you said, it's always me thinking ahead and I just can't help it. I was just about to say, like, what what can he do to help it? Well, you know, it's kind of crazy to this because again, well Taylor, the science behind worrying, right, is that our brain is so crazy that Okay, so you worry about a thing,
right, So you have a thought and you worry about that. Then you kind of then think about what you could do to kind of maybe fix it or help it. Right. As soon as you do that, your brain shoots dopamine into your system, so you feel kind of good for a second. So you just can't get out of that cycle because it feels good
to worry. So even though you're like, I know I shouldn't be worrying, it feels kind of good to worry, right because it's like I hit a dopamine, so it's like that feel good, Like, ah, I figure that out. Let's try another one, you know, like over and over again. So you're in this like loop or cycle. So that's why I'm switching to mindfulness a little bit. Or because even in therapy I talk
about mindfulness of being really present or staying present. Is that as soon as you have a thought about the past or the future, try to stay really grounded in the present moment. And I know this sounds really cheesy, but to be like, you know, close your eyes, feel your heartbeat, listen to your breath. Breathe in and out really deeply into your stomach. When's the last time you, guys, took a deep breath into your stomach.
It's rare, it's not often. Mine was recently just because I was going I was having an anxiety attack where my whole like the symptoms I get is my whole body like shivers, my heart is pumping. So yeah, I have to. Uh. The one that I've kind of learned right now is that tapping where I go, I tap my heart and breathe deeply. I try like box breathing. It's a method that I try to do. But I mean, that's just my issue. I just I mean, it makes me for one hell of a planner. Like I'm a really good planner
because I'm always thinking ahead, but I just wish that I wouldn't. I mean, the moment I wake up, I'm already thinking about like my day till night, like, oh, this is what I'm gonna do, this is the order I'm going to do it in and then boom, And that's what's continually. Like right now, I'm already thinking what we're gonna do after this podcast, and it kills me, Like here's that's a gift and curse, right, Like the same thing that makes you really good at what you
do is the same thing that's like hurting you. But we can find balance, and it is yeah, like finding balance. And I think again, like we're thinking. It's so fast paced that we're thinking either about the past or the future. And so if you think about again scientifically, what that does is that it really revs up our autonomic nervous systems, so are sympathetic,
right, our fight flight freeze fawn fold response. So when when you're always thinking, it's like imagine like running from a bear, like all day long, because you're always having to like run like through Like it's just like exactly like thoughts and thoughts and thoughts like running away, right. And so then of course, like you're not breathing properly, you're not in the present moment. You're not able to rest and digest like that parasympathetic nervous system of
like resting and relaxing. And that's why panic attacks happen is because your body is constant fight or flight. It's basically telling you like, hey, I need to slow down, you need to breathe. So instead of like getting to the point of like just maybe you know, the padding attack and then I'm breathing, taking small little moments throughout the day, like to breathe deeply, like you could be five minutes, it could be two minutes, you know, Like the Apple Watch is like, hey, breathe, Like that's
really important to do. It's important to like carve out time like when you're in a place to like really just enjoy it. So right now you're like, I'm already thinking about what to do, but like to really enjoy this conversation. So you if you see yourself like that kind of like going away from here, coming back here and just be like, let me stay present. You know, all those things help you to feel more grounded in your body, to feel safe, like you're not running from a bear all day,
so tappy into your parasympathetic throughout the day. More So, I've heard that a lot, the grounding yourself, and I never understood that. But
all those things that you said, those are all examples of grounding. Yes, yes, like small things right like even when I teach our present state, as soon as my students come in, we start with grounding, like five minutes of closing your eyes breathing, intention setting here today to learn from one another, you know, kind of just like, hey, let's put away all the things that we just came in with and let's just be here for the next you know, three hours that we're going to be here.
You just brought up right now where you what is it where you think to yourself you repeat, you know, mantras or like sa affirmation. So that's something that I'm trying. I don't know if I'm buying into that, because okay, I could tell myself all these things, I'm worthy of this, this, this, Yeah, what is that really doing? I don't know, is it or is me fighting it? Going? Like yeah right, like me saying is going to happen? Is that counterproductive? Yes? Oh
so it's almost like I have to really believe it. Well you don't have to, you know, fake it till you make it kind of thing. It's it's a practice, like you're practicing something that doesn't feel like normal to you. So it's different, and I think you're just being human, Like there's no need to like beat yourself up about it. Like it is hard. It's hard to take the deep breaths, it's hard to stay present,
it's like you're human, you know. And for I always say, like for this many years you've been trained this way, you're basically training your whole mind and body, you know, to be something different than what it has been. So it's going to take some time. So it's just practice. Like I think, what it does the affirmations especially, is like it just kind of reminds you. It's another way of helping you to stay really present. I like how your anxiety comes from, like thinking ahead. Mine is
worrying the unknown. That my anxiety is a lot of unknown. That's when I get I start panicking when I have no not control or is that what it is like? No answers. Yeah, well I'm worried about a situation that I don't even know who's really going to happen Yetah, I mean I make stories in my head. Yeah. Well you think of the negative, right? Yeah? Do you think about the worst? You just you just can't help it. Yeah. I think that's an issue I have, is
I think the worst and then unfortunately sometimes I'll react to it. Yes, and it didn't eat, that didn't even happen yet, but it's too late. I already made that reaction. So Yeah, that's something that I'm dealing
with. I always try to tell myself, like don't don't worry about it twice essentially like if it is going to happen, then just worry then, Like what's the point in worrying about it now because you're just worrying about it twice, Like you're worrying about it now and then you're gonna wry about when it happens. So that's kind of like what I tell myself. It helps a little bit. Yeah, like I'm trying to figure I'm trying to figure it out. I'm sorry now, I was just say worrying it is like
a rocking chair. You can go back and forth, but it's cute anywhere. But yeah, I mean that's so again I think very normal. I think a lot of people do that, is that they just worry. And again, we had we talked multi layered, right, we talked talked about your past. It could also be like the science behind like worrying and like
how it hits you with dopamine each time. It could be like also not sitting in the uncomfortable Like a lot of people don't know how to just sit in discomfort, Like how many of us are taught that throughout our lives, Like, hey, this is how you sit in discomfort? No, like especially now, right, Like we have phones to distract us, We have you know, any kind of like alcohol, or we have substances just to
distract us from not feeling good. How many of us are taught to like just sit in discomfort, Yeah, to just be uncomfortable of not knowing? No one, No one teaches us that. No, we're always worrying about something. Yeah, and then we get away from it, right, either like getting on our phone and googling it or figuring it out, or like just escaping into like social media world, or like going and getting some drinks with your friends. Like, nobody just is like taught, like how do
I sit in discomfort and be okay with that? Because it is a human emotion and we should be able to learn how to like just invite that in a little bit more. Speaking of sitting alone, something else that I've heard a lot of is like people are saying you need to learn how to be okay to be by yourself. But for a personal like me, I feed off energy. I don't know if it's just even my DJ career when I DJ at the clubs. I need that energy from the crowd for me to
put on a better show. Yes, I feel like that's how I am with my life too, And people are like, maybe it's my codependency where I depend on other energy to make me feel better. Is there any tips of like how do you just be okay just being by yourself? M Well, I mean it's not going to feel good at first, like because you're not used to it. So again, it's kind of like training yourself to just be in an uncomfortable moment. So like, like what comes up for
you when you're by yourself? Some anxiety and boredom? And yeah, I mean yeah, And so like what do you usually do then? Like reach out? Yeah, like hit up somebody. You guys want to play golf, You guys want to go up to lunch? Yeah, so maybe like sitting in the discomfort, like creating yourself to just be in the discomfort for a while, you know what I mean. Like, and again, that
doesn't feel good, That's what I'm saying. Like we then will reach out and do something and do whatever, but like putting your phone away, you know, for like even an hour. You don't have to like do it all at once, Cold Turkey, just like little by little by little, like just being with yourself more and sitting in the discomfort of what comes up for you. So know that you're uncomfortable, but you kind of have to
tell yourself like nope, just stay here, be uncomfortable. Yeah, okay, Yeah, that's sort of like how you program yourself to kind of deal with it. Yeah exactly, And like you know, techniques like breathing or like journaling, reading, like all those are all things that you can kind of like come back to yourself a little bit. That's why again I'm gonna keep bring up yoga because I love yoga too, but yoga is really important too in that because it helps you to stay in your body right, and
even in therapy. That's kind of one of the things that I like, I really love my patience to do is like I people are always like you're sick, nan Tara, but I'm like, I love watching people cry because I love that they release something in the moment. And the first thing that people want to do when they cry in my office is like I'm sorry and like, you know, wipe up right, And I'm like, like you're
in a therapist's office. You can cry, you know, but I'm always like, well, what you know, you just said sorry, tell me more about that. Well, like I feel really, you know, sad, Like I feel vulnerable right now, I feel weak and okay, so like just lean into that feel that a little bit more, allow yourself to just let go, right. Is like I'm helping them to stay in the
moment and that moment doesn't feel good. That moment is pain. But like there's the old like quote that I love, and it says, the cure for the pain is the pain. A good cry gets you tired to and then you relax, You just knock out. Yeah, I remember that as a kid, when you know, when you would cry as a kid and then you would just sleep there relax. For some reason, that's happened to me recently. Have you done yoga Jizzo before? I've tried. Yoga's hard.
Yeah, it's all these poses. We recently went to this spot and we took a yoga class, and it's hard, especially for like a big guy like me, Like, what's what can anyone do yoga? Yes, because you can't do all the moves. Yeah, I know, Well you're not supposed to that's what you go to yoga, you can start to like get more flexible. And again, yoga is not just the moves like it's also like the breathing and the meditation and like a way of life really is
what yoga is. So I mean, definitely anybody can breathe mindfully, that's doing yoga. So it's all right for like a guy that just he could go in the back of the room and yeah, you go in the back and go to the front like anywhere. You know what I've been seeing lately. You know, we're in the generation of we're on our phones all the time, social media, TikTok. I don't know what it is about algorithms, but when you're going through something, the algorithms on your phone, you
know, if it's basketball season, that's all you see. I've been seeing a lot on my TikTok, these mini clips of therapists, different therapies, sessions or little things that have to do with any subject. What do you think about the you know, can people just go to TikTok And I don't need to go to therapy because TikTok is helping really because there's like doctors on
there. Yeah, quote unquote, there's hundreds hundreds of whatever subject you're dealing with, they do little clips of how to, you know, kind of get you through that thing. Yeah, I'm so glad you asked that question because I feel like it's there's like evil and good in this, you know, It's like it does destigmatize mental health, and I love that and it
gets people kind of curious about mental health. But there is something about being in person with a therapist, like helping them, helping you to like really feel what you already maybe know. So something that I know is so different when I experience it in my heart. Right, So I might know that I struggle with anxiety, okay, But when I'm in a therapist's office and anxiety, a feeling of anxiety comes up, and that professional is saying, hey, stick with that for a second. Hold on to that, Like,
notice what comes up for your body when you feel that? Where do you feel that in your body? Now? Somebody is holding me in that moment of discomfort and I'm feeling that anxiety. And you're not going to be able to do that on your own. You're just not You're not a machine. You're a human. So as soon as you. Like, let's say you hear something on TikTok and they're like, well, just do this when
you feel anxiety. You might feel that anxiety in the moment and try and do something, but it's not going to get you to the point of a therapist, like in person, helping you to go through that feeling it, helping to stick with it. It's just a different experience. You got to heal it to feel it makes sense. And also this is almost skewed as well too, because they're only going to try to look for what they want to hear. Yeah, exactly. I mean again, it's all defensiveness,
you know, it's like all ego kind of defensiveness. And yeah, it's like what the filter from how we see things is different for all of us, how we see things and how we hear things. So they're gonna hear what they want to hear. A really good therapist is going to confront you on some shit you don't want to hear, you know, like you don't
want to hear it. Like I hate to call you out, but when I was saying I really see you feeling that, I could see you being like, shut up, don't go there, don't go there, let's go out of the podcast. Yeah, but if you're in my you're in my office, I'd be like, I can see like what you're doing here, Like I can see you trying to run from that, you know what I mean. So I don't think that you're going to be able to do that
on your own. Now, to use that as an example, because you are a therapist and you do have casual conversations with people, do you find yourself not just because you can't help it, but sort of like kind of dissecting people a little bit when they're just talking, like in a random conversation because you just know these things. Yes, but I don't, Yeah, I don't. I'm not judging, and I swear I'm not judging people. Know that I'm at the state and the age as well to where I don't
care. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not judging people. I'm just like people say things and I'm so used to Yeah, I like hearing the words behind the words, right, So people say a whole lot of things, but it's their voice tone is how they say this, their eyes like the shift and voice like that. I'm just trained to like like just see now, so I'll they'll be like I don't give a ship, like I don't care about her and whatever, and I'm like, you do you know the
bullshit? Sometimes you and I do that. You're like, we could see it. Yeah, yeah, exactly, it's just being tuned in a little bit more. Okay, what are you teaching at state right now? Oh? Wait, I had a question. Let me let me back up real quick. It almost kind of goes with what Jess was asking. You're hearing all these you have different clients, can we Is it fair to say over fifty? Yeah? At one point, Yeah, you're hearing all these issues
and trauma. Does it affect you, like I have all these people's stories inside me? Yeah, it does. I used to well, okay,
so it's like, again, it's such a long answer. When I was younger, it used to affect me to the point where like, because I don't just hear their stories, I feel them, and I'm just an EmPATH or whatever, so I will feel what they're saying to me and my body, and so i'd go home and i'd be really tired, and I didn't know why until I started realizing, like, oh, I've got to be able to move this around somehow, like whether it be working out or walking
or whatever. It got to a point where I used to work with kids and then I had my own kids, and then I just could not I could not be affected because I was really getting angry with some of these parents. I mean one of the parents, you know, basically put this like five year old on the bus and made him hide all day long in the
bus because they wanted to go party with their friends. Like and I know that's a multi you know, that's like a generational mental health thing, but I just couldn't not judge the parent, right, So I knew I kind of had to get out from that. And then it got to the point where now I I I do kind of like feel it in my body. I can, I can like I absorb it, but I have ways of like really letting that go now. So but it is it's a lot.
It's I mean, that's got to be tough because I mean you're hearing people's like sometimes deep dark secrets or you know, things that they're going through, and as you said, even like kids, like as a human, that's got to like really affect you, you know, yeah, like the vicarious trauma, like you know, a lot of first responders have like nurses and you know, doctors, our technicians all the things. Like it's a lot
like that. If you have a friend or a family member that you know that saying you can't fix someone, Yeah, is there anything a person can do if if if I have a friend or a family member that this person would would kind of would well, what's the word I'm looking for, like benefit it would benefit from it? Yeah? Is there the one party can do? Or it's on them? Yeah, it's yeah, it's on them.
And I'm really I'm really learning. I keep learning that lesson over and over again, Like you know, you can be there for them and support them, but I think it's also very exhausting when you keep saying the same thing over and over and over again and nobody listens, right, and like then you feel like it's your job to make them change. It's not like
it has to come from them. It has to but it is really sad to watch, like, especially especially somebody like you, who are like, dude, is changing my life, Like this shit works like go you know, and then they're like like no, I don't believe in that. You're like come on, that that's that easy, but it has to come from them. Even with my family, I have to just kind of let it go. That's tough. Do you specialize in a certain area or I mean,
like meaning couples, is it only marriage and family? So like meeting a licensed marriage and family therapist means that I've just been trained a different way, Like I see the whole system, or a psychotherapist, you know, they're trained a different way. But yeah, I see anyway. I see individuals, couples, I see families. But now because I do all those other different things, I basically just see like adults and they just need very
like low level of care, Like they are pretty self aware already. They just kind of want to come in and talk about, you know, the next stage of life or things that are happening for them. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to report something? Oh? Yeah, really anytime. So I worked for Fresnel County for four years in the school based program. So I was at like different different high schools and elementary schools
throughout the Presnel County area. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. In the beginning of like my every session, they say that you know, everything's confidential xactly. Yeah, you're talking about Yeah it makes sense. Yeah, that totally makes sense. Something I just did recently. Let me know what you think about this is it's my first time going to therapy. I had my first three sessions was with a female, and I learned a lot in the first two. The third one I just didn't get anything out of it. I
wasn't vibing. So I had friends who are like switch. I'm like, what switch and they're like, yeah, you could switch, like find someone else. So at first, at first I was gonna. I was thinking of this email of like I'll say I have to do this, but I stopped myself and I also a friend also kind of kind of suggested too, and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna tell the truth,
like and it was almost what I learned. You know, you taught me about setting boundaries, so you know what, Like, I'm gonna try someone else. This is my first time in therapy, and I want to see what's out there and what works for me. So I have like this gentleman. Now he's more like just he lets me talk and then he gives me homework, like he pulls up slides and so I'm more a visual learner. So it helps me a lot. So so far, you know, to sessions with this new guy. So good, so far, so good.
But oh but my question is it was you know switching? Is that a common thing. Do you get hurt if someone like leaves leaves you? No, not at all, not at all. Like I think that if you're a good therapist, like you're gonna know that not everybody's gonna love your style. You know. I'm more like the feeling based and you know, emotionally focused type of like client centered therapists. Some people are just more cognitive.
Some people are just like more you know, they're just all these different theories out there as a therapist and some really stick with some people and some don't. So for me, I'm always like I tell my clients, if I don't work out for you, like, I'll be happy to help you find the person that does. So yeah, back to that question that what do you What are you teaching at Presdent State? I teach in the Master's Program for Marriage and Family Therapy, so so future therapists. Yeah, even
school counselors and higher ed counselors and rehab counselors. So I teach like the core one of the core classes that all of them take, and then I also teach a practicum course. Oh yeah, so I mean, what what is your background in that? And say someone did want to become a therapist, like what do they how do they have to go through that if they want to become a licensed marriage and family therapist. So it's it's a long
process. It's you know, you get your masters in some like a master's in counseling, and then you would do three thousand hours of like individual couples, family like face to face and you log that. I think like these days it's a little bit easier to kind of get those hours. About three years is kind of like the average. To get those hours, you are getting paid. They're called associates, so you're getting paid throughout that process.
But at the end of that process, you take well you take one one test in the beginning, like an ethics test, and then you take one at the end, like a comprehensive test to get licensed. And so at the end of three years, you take that second test and if you pass, like your licensed therapist. So they don't need it to get your doctrine. No, you don't need your doctor Oh wow. We also mentioned you're an ambassador for Lululemon like I used to be. I'm called what am I
called? Now? I forget I'm called a something ambassador? Oh okay, Yeah. How did that partnership come about? Do you reach out to them or they reached out to me? I also am a founder of a nonprofit called them As Day for Compassion, So we provide free yoga to under certain populations and have provided like money to orphanage in India. We built it well in Africa, So I think they just kind of saw the work that we were doing in the community and reached out to me. Where are you doing
the yoga at? Where can people? Like do people just come in? Is at a yoga studio? Yeah? I teach our four Corners yoga, but that's at his studio. But we have free classes for the community at Crow and Wolf every Tuesday at first Tuesday of the month. And then we also provide yoga to the boys and girls at Juvenal Justice Campus at JJC. And then you have your private practice. It's on cedarn Herndon correct. Huh Mo told us like, can we say how much you are for hours?
So we say that should they find out when they go to you, or they can find out. Okay, Okay, I'll be plugging it like that, she gave, she gave this. Okay, let's kind of wrap it up with this. You know, we started this thing about men's mental Men's Mental Health Month and about sometimes it's hard for us to take that step to want to go. What are some steps if someone's thinking about, you know, listening to this podcast episode and like, you know, let me try
this thing, what what are some steps? Because for us fortunately here working for iHeart, it comes in our you know, workday, we see it that is available to us. So we're fortunate enough to have this that's available to us. But yeah, what would you know somebody out there listening, what would what steps do they take to starting to find a therapist. Yeah, that's a great question. And I'm going to be one hundred percent honest,
Like, it's very hard to find a good therapist. So the first kind of advice is don't give up, you know, and switch if you have to. But the first kind of process would be to ask yourself, am I going to go through insurance or I'm going to do private pay? And if you want to do insurance, then what you would do is contact your insurance company ask them if they cover individual or couples counseling. Most of the time they will, but it's only like a limited about amount of sessions.
And if they do, then they give you a list of providers and they reach out to the providers. The thing about insurance is like a lot of my therapist friends that take insurance are full, Like they're just full, and it's hard right to kind of get in. But I would say get on a wait list if you really like a therapist, or if you have like good recommendation of the therapist, I get on a wait list, but
keep trying to maybe see other therapists. If it's private pay, it's more likely that you're probably going to get in because not a lot of people do the private pay. It's a lot of money, you know. And even once you get in, if you don't like that therapist or you guys aren't vibing, give it about three goes. If mine was four, I gave it. I gave it four goes. Yeah, I mean some people say,
like the first time, they're like, this person's crazy. And there are like a lot of not very healthy therapists out there, you know, so like it doesn't fit or doesn't vibe like, find another therapist. But it is a process and it does take a while to find somebody that's good. Some people get really lucky in the beginning. Are you still taking patients
in like today? I am not. I'm actually like reducing my client caseload now because I also am started a yoga teacher training program here in president California, so we're doing that as well. So nice. Yeah, is there any like how many people can you know, can people contact you for details about anything the yoga or business line or social media. I have an email that can contact me. It's help at Niantara lm FT dot com. So I don't know if you know the know how to spend my name, but
the name will be in the description of our podcast. There you go. Man. That what a fun episode. Man, And I know you got some out of this. I really really did. I really did not good information. I'm thank you for answering these questions that you know, I personally had and think some of the things that we talked about, and uh, it was it was it was good. It was a good one. Appreciate
that. Yeah, thank you. MOE for connecting us. Yeah. Well, you guys asked some really great questions, you know, and again I wish I could answer them all like in such detail, but there's so many layers to to therapy. Like well, off the book a session with you ladies and gentlemen. Nintara Rodriguez, thank you so much, Thank you,