Well, guys, we've made it, it is Thanksgiving here in the US. And whether you're here in the US or not, whether you celebrate this holiday of questionable origins or not, I think we can all benefit from taking this annual opportunity to focus a bit on gratitude. Gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving. It's great for showing love to the other
people in our lives. But it's also good for us, by taking the time to acknowledge our gratitude for something or someone else, studies show that we actually find more enjoyment in that thing, or that person. Paying attention to the things that we're grateful for has also been shown to increase our capacity for patience and effort, while at the same time lowering our levels of stress. And all of those are really good
things. And plenty of us take this opportunity during November and the Thanksgiving season to show gratitude to our clients. So you know, in our businesses, we will reach out and tell people that we appreciate them. And, and that's great. I mean, not only do our clients tend to appreciate that recognition, obviously. But we feel good too, because those small acts of gratitude give us a nice hit of dopamine and oxytocin, which is you know, its own kind of self
care, right. But the thing is, many of us really need that extra dopamine at this time of year in particular, because this time of year is sort of objectively hard for a lot of photographers. One of the things that I love most about Thanksgiving as a holiday, is the fact that it signals the light at the end of my own busy season tunnel, it holds the promise of rest that is kind of right around the corner. And I'm sure that each and every one of you could probably use some rest
right about now as well. So today, I have a quick episode for you. And while this episode is about gratitude, it's a little different than the gratitude that you give to your clients. Today, I want to remind you to be grateful to yourself. Welcome to this can't be that hard. My name is Annemie Tonken. And I help photographers run profitable, sustainable
businesses that they love. Each week on the podcast, I cover simple, actionable strategies and systems that photographers at every level of experience can use to earn more money in a more sustainable way. Running a photography business doesn't have to be that hard, you can do it. And I can show you how.
I've been reading a book called Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, who are a pair of identical twin sisters, who are both PhDs, one in music, one in science, they come from very different backgrounds, but they're writing this super interesting book. I'm not quite done with it. But I recommend it so far, about how women experienced stress and burnout. So broadly, the book is about kind of the sources of stress that lead many women to burnout.
And then they have these practical and sort of philosophical tips for how you can deal with not just the stressors in your life, but also the stress that comes from those stressors. And, and as far as, like I said, I'm really enjoying the book, they raise a lot of really interesting things to consider and ponder. So if you're interested, it's Burnout. And like I said, it's by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, but one of the things that they raised in the book is this concept of
human giver syndrome. And they define that as the false contagious belief that a certain class of people, namely, women have a moral obligation to be sort of pretty and happy, calm, generous, and more than anything attentive to the needs of other people. And they put the needs of other people above and beyond their own feelings or their own
well being. And the author's acknowledged that the problem isn't the fact that some people have that instinct, and people being female and otherwise, some people are instinctively driven to be generous and attentive to the needs of others. The problem that they're pointing out is that those traits are expected or even demanded from certain people, but not from all people.
And even worse, that as part of that expectation, those certain people needed to remain, you know, pretty, happy, and calm, even when they were feeling anything but. Even when they were the ones who needed the help. And of course, you know, I'm listening to this and I spend a lot of my time thinking about photographers, given the nature of this podcast and education in general. I'm always sort of thinking about all these photographers that I know and
the problems that they have. And the ways that they run their businesses. And this concept of human giver syndrome just immediately got me thinking about our industry and how we are almost exclusively a profession filled with human givers. Now, I realize photography isn't a, you know, a helping profession, in the classic sense of the term, this isn't healthcare, or, you know, we're not teachers, we're not
social workers. But I really do you see it as a helping profession of a sort, we have chosen a line of work where we are helping people capture the moments and connections in their lives that are most important to them, it's a vulnerable place; our work has the power to really strengthen those connections. And, and, in general, it can be really big emotional work, I have long felt like the best photographers out there may not necessarily be the most technically proficient, although
that certainly is important. But once you get to a certain level of technical proficiency, it's kind of a level playing field. So really, the ones that stand out, are those photographers who have the most empathy for their clients, that empathy comes through in a
really profound way. So, you know, we do have one of those jobs, and we're lucky to have one of those jobs that people on the outside, you know, look at us and say, oh, man, I would love to spend every weekend with, you know, a couple getting married and celebrating that love and they're so happy. And that that must be such a great place to be all the time. Or, you know, you're so lucky, I would love to get to cuddle newborns on a regular basis.
And, you know, I can't argue with that, like, it is an amazing profession, we get to do lots of amazing things, we get to sort of spend our, our work time looking for beauty in the world. You know, there's a lot of truth to the fact that this can be a really wonderful profession. But it's also really hard sometimes to hold all that emotional space for your clients. And as soon as you stop holding emotional space for your clients, you and I both know
that the work itself suffers. I have had a particularly rough season this year, just personally. And so you know, I'm coming in to the end of the season, and I am extra grateful this year. It is truly hard work to compartmentalize if your life isn't in its best place. You know, there's this necessary compartmentalization that happens. So that you can show up and create art that celebrates someone else's joy or someone else's feelings no matter what they are when you're feeling big
feelings in one place. And you have to kind of close the door on that and show up for someone else that adds to your own immerse emotional stress. Some days, it is really hard to put your own feelings on the shelf and still show up and be attentive to the feelings of other people. And it's even harder to do that if you're one of the many, many photographers who isn't getting paid a reasonable wage or a living wage
in order to do that. And I just wanted to acknowledge that because although, you know, I have moved past that, in my own business, I feel like it that that does add a layer of complication that can lead more quickly to that feeling of burnout. But that's a little bit beside the point. I promised you a short episode. And I do want to get to the
point. The point is, yes, we should absolutely feel gratitude and express gratitude for our clients, we should spend some time kind of meditating on the gratitude that we feel for being able to set our own hours and build businesses that serve our needs and light us up. And yes, we should be filled with gratitude for the opportunity to have a job that feeds us
creatively and financially. But we also need to take a minute this season to show a bit of that gratitude we so willingly give to other people and, you know, show to other sort of things. We need to give that same gratitude to ourselves. The authors of this book, talk about the fact that wellness is not a state of being but rather it is
a state of action. They say that true wellness true personal wellness comes from the freedom to move through the cycles of being human so the positive cycles and the negative cycles and not getting stuck in any of those places, but rather sort of feeling them, processing them and then moving on. So if you right now are in that place where you're feeling exhausted, or you're feeling overwhelmed, I want you to try and take a moment and recognize the hard work that you have been doing.
And give yourself that like giant, high five, or the big hug. And know that you are doing that thing you are moving through one of the hardest parts of the cycle, and that there is rest on the horizon. So this week, I hope that you will, in the midst of everything else going on, take a moment to thank yourself for doing the hard work. To build this business that you've built to continually build your skill set. As an
artist. I want you to thank yourself for doing the emotional gymnastics that our jobs often require. That is not a small thing, and it should not go unacknowledged. And I want you to thank yourself for pursuing a career with real meaning. Because what we do really is meaningful, even though it is by no means the path of least resistance in this world. And finally, while we are on the subject of gratitude, I just want to close by saying again, how grateful I am for each and
every one of you out there. I love the fact that you show up and listen every week. I love the community that we have created over in the Facebook group. I love the work that you are doing out in your own communities, photographically and otherwise, and I love getting to connect with you. So I hope that this week in particular, you feel appreciated and get the chance to rest. Happy Thanksgiving, you guys. Well, that's it for this week's episode of This can't be that hard. I'll be back Same time,
same place next week. In the meantime, you can find more information about this episode, along with all the relevant links, notes and downloads at this can't be that hard.com/learn If you like the podcast, be sure to hit the subscribe button. Even better, share the love by leaving a review in iTunes. And as always, thanks so much for joining me. I hope you have a fantastic week.