Armageddon (with Carl Tart)

Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh. I guess and now your first random sentence. As the asteroid hurdle Twitter, Becky was upset at Dennis appointment had been canceled. You've been trying to get in for over six months and aching togar mouth. It was the wisdom too, but she had long left inside of her chompers. I right, cruel. I want everyone to sound off. Jeremy, are you here? Yes? Scott? Are you here? Yes? Becky? Okay, you're here, and just

say here please? Yeah, am here is the one here? Thank you. Listen, team, We've got an asteroid coming sight for us, and if we don't buckle down and focus, yeah, my tooth big Becky, this is something that you should have taken care of on your own. I've added in the books for six months. You know, nobody tell you to eat a damn candy? How does the asteroid no when you have a dentist appointment scheduled the candies there because that's all you guys have at the food truck. Okay,

we're wasting valuable tyrant. What do you want me to do? I want you to just say here when I do roll call, and then I want you to just listen to my instructions. Is that so hard? Yes? I'm here, and I wish I wasn't the only dynamite expert in this group. We need you personally. I wish that you weren't the only one too. But that's the way that it is. My tooth, Becky, can you just please, can you power through the tooth? Please? I'm empowering through a

lot deal. Well, you know what added to we could talk about this offline whatever we're done knocking this asteroid out of the sky. What does the offline mean for you? We're talking like now in front of people. I talk about like sidebar, Yes, a sidebar. This arguments, this is derailing the subject. Sure is all right, here we go. First thing we're going to do is do you have the dynamite ready at least Becky, Yeah, my job. Okay,

we're going to gather the dynamite. We're going to put it inside the missile, and then we're going to a much straight up. I thought, beck A, what's wrong? No, continue what you're gonna say? You just like you don't know what we're gonna do, do you. We're passing it along to me. Of course, Fish, you're gonna said, we're gonna do it. We're gonna the missile. I think you asteroid. I thought I was going to throw a piece of dynamite at the asteroid. That's what the whole plan was.

I know, I played a little ball in color. You could throw dynamite all the way up to a fast roid could when I was in college. That's the plan, because that buys me another three weeks, get my tooth. Thing we droned have two or three weeks. Yes, Lang right towards the earth currently. I know that, Dale, we all know that. But if he can, if the aster gets close enough for him to throw the dynamite at it, then they're the problem is solved. Duh, that's highly unusual,

highly irregular, and highly unorthodox. Highly none of those things they've made, like four movies do about the same thing. Throwing dynamite and an asteroid back. I think that that's throbbing tooth for yards. It's really kind of breaking your focus. You're mis remembering what's happened in movies throughout history. Misogynistic if you ask me, well, you never told me I

misremembered anything. I just remember all the time. Misogynistic. Alright, the only person you remember misremembering is me, Becky, not you Dale, not me Scott Peterson. I just want to apologize. I don't need apology has anytime. Once we knocked this asteroid out of the sky, Scot throwing the dynamite, were tempting to throw the dynamite. Becky had he is number one, they've world at number two. As the weeks went on,

they promised to take care of the lining asteroid. Kept delaying and delaying so that she can get in the doctors up. I think, get the tooth thing care of. I'm gonna get it done, okay. But we got lucky because the asteroids circumnavigated the Earth and it stayed in the sky temporarily a little longer than we interseparated. That's part of my plan originally. Are we still here? Like, that's part of my plan is to survive? Are we

still here? Thank you? A little misogynistic, a little bit, A little bit, you know what, I could call out the man too. You promised that you were going to throw the dynamite up to the sky and knock that asteroid out of the sky. Need to convinted around the world. It's like I said it would. Thank you, Scott Peterson. You woke about a dollar for every time I heard someone out of the words thank you. Scott Peterson, you have six dollars anyway. All right, well listen, the asteroid

is coming towards us again. Yeah, so what is your plan? My plan is, when it gets into the orbit within throwing range of Scott's arm, we're gonna throw the dynamite. It's gonna be wrapped around a football and he's gonna throw it right down the middle and then you know, and I'm a detonate from here. Okay, Now, way, we don't have to spend so much money on radio detonation because now it's just gonna be within distance, like a radio, like a race car, like a little RC race card.

But it's gonna be like a poem that blows up. Look, I gotta go get my teeth, take care of fine. Two days later, so back, we're gonna cram all that galls in your mouth. I thought, well, zagines there, How how was that you never supposed the question how much galls a woman? Hasn't I read this book called Lean In, and even though it's a book for women, it taught me a lot about things too. That's why I keep calling you out, sir. It's not York numbers now much.

This is this American lab. I mean, I was sorry with producer Andy, especially against contributor for this episode is Harold Tart and our show. We're using a trustee sentence generator to bring you a story and react. This week's name Armageddon. It was us Act one. She could hear him in the shower, singing with the joy she hoped he'd retain after she delivered the news, which was that's so great. He's been holding onto this bad news for at least a week until she was ready to give

it to him. And then there he was listening from the shower dripping wet Shady gave him the dude the happiest man on earth. That's me. Yah, we need to talk. That was that too? Okay? It bad? Good song? Okay, um, it's under mine. But you remember that trip that I went on with Michael Friend to Detroit to Detroit. Yeah, do you remember I said that I was a big Detroit Lions fan. Yes? And then you remember when I

went to the Detroit Lions fand Club party. Oh the party that was that was organized by the president of the Detroit Lions stand club Detroit Lions. But Herr Sanders. Did he sign your football? He did more than just sim I have no he signed your Detroit Lions pennant. Oh that's great, dude. Did you keep it? But he didn't fold it up? Did you? Because it's worth less if it's folded. He did more than just signed my Detroit Lions. Then did he take a selfie with you

and Rebecca? We took some selfies and yeah, Rebecca was there. Well can I see him? Did you post them there online? It's in your phone, It's on a website, which is another part of the thing that I have to tell you. Okay, just tell me the website. I'm gonna log in right now. Watch the video. So it's w W W okay w n A S dot No, I'm giving you all t now www dot oh yeah, thank you. W go ahead www dot n A S T Y M A g I E dot um c U M nasty Maggie dot com.

Wait a minute, I'm nasty, Maggie. That's the whole life, be living, Maggy. Sorry, no, you know what. This might be self tortured, but I want to see what's on this website. Go for it. Get on the website. You have a credit card? Can I borrow you credit card? Real quick? No, you got to use yours. My credit card is all the way in my wallets over by the flowers that I got you, the welcome home flowers.

He decided, great card walked all the way to the flowers, and it's wallet that is gred card all the way back taft in all the numbers. It was a long Discover card number. And he charged himself body nine ninety nine a month in a right. I can't believe that you got to meet Barry Sanders. What was he like? You're not not about this? I mean yes, I'm curious, But what is he like? Just tell me he's nice. He's while I packed my things. You tell me what

he was like. He was nice, he was very gentle, tender, he was and he was very wrong. Somebody's at the door. You know what? Put a pin in that. I'm not I get that reaction every time, Mr Sanders, welcome. Please. I gave in our address because I don't know if you write the comments of the videos, people really liked it. That's how I pay for our home. Is there going to be a part two of the video? That's what

he's here for. I also brought you a box of fresh peaches from a fruit stand side of the road. Did you tell them I love peaches? I did. You're a good listener, You're so thoughtful, but you're still in trouble, young lady. Do you mind if I cut one of these up. I'm a little hungry. It's been a long ride in Detroit one too. Yeah, you do some comfort food right about now? What do you keeping knives in the knife drawer? That's the third one from the left that I was gonna have to guess I can went

from the right. Quod Scenarios, then named Kevin have you just established now sitting with his wife's leather eating peaches? The shock he was okay with being what they call that? Is that a cut? Cold? Is that what it's called? You might produce it, Andy, Oh, yes, yes, that is what that's called. Cold. Yes, I don't know if you're much of a cheese guy, but peaches with virata and a little bit of basil. Delicious. He is a lovely man, but that doesn't make it any less less hurtful. I'll

tell you what Barry Sanders before you tell me? Huh? Do you think heartbreakingly delicious? So there's another part of this. So we were wondering if you would be interested and also investing in his restaurant. No, no, I'm not going to invest it. What kind of restaurants? Is standard American affair? With an Italian twist? Oh? Those are my two favorite jobs. Tell him the name? Oh, yes, okay, I'm passing it off to you. Yeah, I'm Barry's Bootcamp. Barry's Bootcamp, Yeah,

a little bit. Oh it legally because there's another Berry? Is there? Is there's another Berry? Is there? Barry Obama? Who runs the other one? And you would be a majority owner? Really at least, at least, that's how kind I am. Very least. It's the least I could do after what I did to your wife on camera several times, which is earning us money. Yeah. Hi, um, I am formerly the husband of the bride um who was invited here to uh to make a toast. Wow. I never

thought this day would come say something. Rebecca, Rebecca my ex wife, nasty Maggie's I'm sorry, right, nasty Maggie. I can't believe you did this. But if there had to be somebody that you did this with, I'm just glad it was Hall of Fame running back former Detroit Lions star Bear Sanders. Somebody cutting onions in here because I'm getting teary eyed. Hey, you've become one of my best friends over this process. Me. No, no, no, no, no,

we've we've shared so much, so many things, so many women. Also, I am catting onions asking me Sandy, Yeah, you hired me because I wouldn't American restaurant with a tun of Swiss. Yes, that's the chef. Thank you so much. I'm going back to it, coming back, and I want what if I

started not ba? Oh my god, you don't remember me telling you do not to cot to the onion in the front of the guests, across proximity to the guests, and now you got them crying and complaining about he's also my most you've keeping a foot in the kitchen. You guys, okay, no, do you want to start to do my job. I didn't know this was gonna turn said, I want to apologize, and I behaven beneath you. I tell him many times not to go ahead and chopping up.

I didn't front the guests in close proximity to the but but you do it anyway. I actually like it. One thing that I like represented at my wedding is Italian hard work. Thank you. I'm come do this country with nothing in my pocket but a thousand dollars. That's it. And that's not a ton of money. And it's not that's a lot of money here nothing in New York. Not in New York. You can run out of that money at any time. Oh yeah, it's most diffinite. Because I also love to go to the ship clubs. It's

a problem. That's a problem. It's a problem, which is why I have a job now so that I can work on the photonomy sound it's got an onions and avoid going to strippers. You like strip clubs, you like work, Why not work a strict club? Why not working a strip club? I never thought a diese. The buffet is at the strip club. It's a very onion heavy food most of the time. And the way you cut those onions. And I know you can do other things. I hired you at my restaurant. You know other things I canna

do well. I love your Italian hamburger, Thank you so much. What got me the joba? Yes? I love your Italian pizza, which is Italian American style pizza with the American cheese and the catch up and the lunchables the lunch Yes, the lunchables pizza, Yes, yes, love that. That also goes to me. The jobra. That's what did it for me. When you laid out all those plates. I said, I wought this guy at Barry's Bluecap. Yes. I think we could go into business together. And I've got a person

who would love to invest in this business. It's my old buddy who used to be married to my wife. As long as I can have at least a fifty one percent share in the company, I will follow you into the gates of help. Mr Barry Sanders, I'm about fifty two percent. He's a confusing love triangle, butter like it. This is the greatest and also the worst day of my life. Mr Bud, Please this is going to work for me to go to street Club. You'll be working there, so you can come out and tars onions at all

the ladies. Alright, alright, come out on the s got some man, get those that those highly higging them high, and I'll get those audience highly get the first. He loves the way con siptually. It's a really good the idea. Yeah, I love the idea. Come, I like a quart onions. Many onions are throwing sack like that. It's a problem.

I can't cut the audience. And that's a fast what when we first went into this business together, you told me that you could cut onions faster than anybody this side of the Italian Mississippi or so I like it. I can't cut you out now because we actually went into this business together, and I do have steak legally. I know you bought the building to hide all the girls a lot of win into this concert, which to

me was ready paper thin. If you ask me, But I win with it because it's just three purts, And I said, okay, strip Away where you cut onions and put ingredients of subway sandwiches on the cut the curse alright, That was welcome to strip Way. And uh, first of all, I want to apologize for some my anthers onions coming in so cold. I apologize on Belicio's behalf for his

inability to get those us on the stage faster. Nah, I've been assured by Anicio that Cassandra comes up, He's gonna up on the stage as fast as you have. Our seas always a gentleman. Put your hairs together and get those always high on the air for the sound. Ram trying to be rolling this right, but find using there the old old line in the work you sids fine makes you offline for just a minute. Sure, what

the hell, man, cod don't you what's up? Todd? But I thought that you said that you were going to go help. You're going to practice awesome thuds on the stage. You're gonna get the stage licking sweat. You're told me was the problem, Lisa time. The oldest flow was all objects faster. That was welcome to strap Way. When the girl's getting free longer, longer, longer, like me might say, I was to my wol ceo faster than I could say, Well, these name Malco. He's the first time, I'm the last time.

I'm sorry, I'm beat off for more than that. Control I'll go okay, I stay God, God, thank God, Okay. Coming up back to the first the word from our esteemed sponsors, stay with us, act to the interview. Thank you for coming, Thank you for having me, Army, this is great. How long have you been listening to the show. I've been listening to the show since I first received the episode, which was when August of I think I heard him. Do you remember what happened in that episode?

It happened? What happened in that episode? Your favorite? Your favorite part of that episode? Let me thank you. Let me think that episode I heard three bears putting on a show. Are you talking about like the animatronic bears? Yeah? I think we have that in our archives. It is yet is pretty rock and roll rock. Are you ready to rock it roll? Wait a minute, have you seen our least player? Hello? Boom boom boom booming. I'm firstday birthday. It wasn't a very good. Now it wasn't make much sense.

It's a little I made that episode. I was anybody that about Yeah, tell us about yourself but from I'm from Pascagoula, Mississippi originally, but I grew up here in Los Angeles, California, but part of California West l A. Nice. When I clean you're a comedian, I am. Tell us about your comedy background. I started at the Second City two years, uh, and and then I went over to UCB performing there for a while. Nice performed in Amsterdam for a while with this group called Boom Chicago, very

very well renowned Boom Chicago. Yeah, sure, I love it. I love that. One of the best in the world, the second best besides us. Yeah. Uh, how long will you in Amsterdam? Just for one year? Did you partake in any of that? Any of the accoutrem all he describes movie for us, Dutch food is pretty disgusting. There's women there, there's the red light district. There's coffee shops that serve marijuana. What's the red light? What does that mean?

I did not partaking any of that. Number One, the marijuana is better in Los Angeles, Yes, really, Oh absolutely, Reggie over there, mid we we actually have you trying some of the marijuana in Amsterdam in our archives. Yeah, alright, let's here. I'm Dutch person, so this is me giving him marijuana. Alright, let's try I help you like it? Now, Hold on, yo, Yos is your name? My name is Yos? Yes, now you know, yes, that I'm from California, California. You're

telling me earlier almost Snoop Dogg, most Snoop Dogg. And you said you grew up in West Los Angeles, Los Angeles, California. I don't serve me no bullshit as wet. Okay, just going to your hired dofter, and Peter's going too, I know before. Yeah, okay, you better blow my head off. It off your head. This is called nighttime Armageddon, and it will blow your head clean off of your buddies. And it's like what do you call in the counter, maybe whichever one is the scarier one. This is what's

time released hybrid. So it starts out with some indica, yes, and then by the time your sleep again. Okay, all right, let's see here we go. He did it? Do we need to call line one one? Absolutely not? What she was weak man? Wow, I'm telling you now that I'm not appreciate this your attitude about our marijuana here. Business has been here for a long time. We should give

him this stronger one. Give it to me. One is called sweet fancy Christ Christ Christ Christ May will blow your head clean off of your shoulders into the street, and you will have to run into street togather your head and put it back onto your body. That is how we go another week one? Now, what is going on over here? What is going on with you? I'm an American. I think that we should give him the strongiest one we have fellas. I don't think he's working

out here. Let me just get one of these strope waffles and milk. I don't want to try the third one. We can try it. We can try it. I won't be rude. I won't be rude because I know what you'll think about Americans they started. One is called rancid face, runsid face. It will blow your head. You will be launching your head into the skies and you will have to get in a spiceship and go up to the sky and get your head. And then you will have to take the head and put it big you want,

don't hear me out. All right, you will have to retrieve your head. You would double check nic shut at your head and not somebody else's who may have also tried ransom face. But then you see, yes, this see is my head. You come back to art, you put it back on your it's very strong. Try it all right, there you go. Oh this ship stinks and it was like rancid face. All right, once again, my head is still on my body. Music clear that the lead that was being sold that this we cafe wasn't anywhere close

to what Carl Tird had had in west End. That's what we're as I was training it at. Yeah, yeah, so Carl, tell us more about your escapades as a comedian. That was the most interesting experience I have. But since then, you know, written on a couple of shows run on Matt TV. You know a few people maybe, but y'all know you know, uh Colton done, yes, call and done. This is my guy. Very good guy, have very funny,

very good guy, very funny. I wrote on Ghosted and with Craig Robinson and Adam Scott wrote on Brooklyn nine nine. For a while, I wrote on I added you even hear about us? How to hear about y'all. Yeah, I've been wanting to get on this show since I heard it for the first time. I didn't want to be here. I have been as soon as I heard this, I said, I need to be there to tell my story. What are you waking on these days? I just got done

with the Keenan Show Keenan starring Keenan Thompson, Chris Red. Yeah, you know those got those couple of dudes and uh, then I I just filmed my own show that I'm an actor on, called Grand Crew, which will be on Tuesday nights on NBC starting in December fourteen. Previous guest for that show, Yes, Break is the home Girl. I'm very impressed. I feel like you're the most qualified guests we've ever had. Oh, that's nice of you to say on the show. You do that all kinds of wow. No, no,

it slight. Those people they're really great. I don't remember who. Any of them are definitely more qualified than me. That's hoping to be able to make this about myself. You usually do, do you have any hobbies? Hobbies? Okay, this this is gonna be this is exclusive. I haven't talked about this because but It's been a hobby that I've been doing for a long time. I started it right before the pandemic. I am a DJ nice and uh also I do a lot of podcasting and I like

to play basketball and baseball. I used to like to play football, but and that is addie like doing the DJ and thing. It's really fun. What kind of music do you usually play? You know? I am a big fan of nineteen eighties like R and B, A wave style music. I don't like my brain into like techno kind of like have its music, you know, I just learned. I just recently completed the house level at the DJ school I go to and it was very very hard, and it was it was very it was very hard.

It was very hard level. So I don't think I'm gonna be spending no house music because like that, trying to match the beats, be matching in the house is tough because a lot of them don't have steady bp ms and also they don't have like you know, like in a hip hop song on R and B song or country song or rock song. You got your eight, you're sixteen and eight, and you know where to you know where to beat match, you know where to drop in you know where do that type of stuff with

the house music. A lot of those songs don't have you. It's really about listening and mapping out the song the house and I don't. I'm I'm lazy. Who is your teacher? His name is DJ Red Maddock. He's one of the world famous be junkies. Is that for the house music? That's wrong? And also DJ Dynamics that we actually have your DJ school your exam for the mixing house music. Apparently there's a you had a classmate use trying to cheat on your on your tests. We have that we

have Yeah, okay, hey what are you doing for your tests? Hey? Eyes on your own turntables? Dude, whatever, Dude, listen, man, I just want to know, like, look, my parents put me in this. This is my last chance. If I don't do well in this class and or just school, I get kicked out. I'm going straight to skateboarders school, man, And I don't want that. That seems like to fit more your vibe. Why why don't you want to do that? Because I don't want I don't want to go to

skateboarder school. Kidding me, that's for losers. I want to be a teacher. Listen, man, you can't copy off of what I'm doing. I'm already struggling with this level very much. Excuse me, less chit chatting, moss, studying faws and beat matching test. Thank you, teacher Frouds like sacking asshole. Yeah, I can't stand her. She's she's terrible, but she's really talented though, thank you. Also, her ears are insane, her ears, she hears everything that no, I'm look at my dog, dude,

because I need to be original. Okay, I tried to pick four songs that nobody else will pick in this class. Originality is a fucking concepts not even real, dude. Have you ever seen her that YouTube videos called everything is Remixed? What am I hearing? I am hearing whispering. You think I don't hear it, but I hear it study fussy bit matching exam. Dr. Yes, I got a question for you. How have you maintained this level of hearing after being in so many clubs for all these years and with

all those loud speakers. You hear everything that's your deals like you just kiss ask and let's say you get all good grades. So stop it. I'm not kissing nobody's ass. Can I just say, Carl? This is your name, right, Carl? That's it. I really appreciate students like you. You could all stand to take a page from Carl's playbook. Kiss up, study, hard, matches it beats, get out, listen, talk. I talk to you over here for us. You just made me think

of something. Shot the Dark you want to like grab food? Sometimes? I thought you'll never ask. I know it's inappropriate. We can wait until I graduate. It is frowned pan to today students during the term. However, once you graduate we can do with move on. How old are you Saturday nine? Okay? Do I look older? I mean yeah? Your vibe is older than that? Is it? Yeah? And I'm a bit of a gray chaser. Well I've got good news for you.

There is some gray. Three months later, Hello, Hi, I need to talk to Mrs DJ Froud teacher teacher frown This is DJ Froud teacher fraud speaking. Who may I for me? Asking? Who is calling me? My name is Leslie Tart. You know who I am, ma'am shotting the Dark? Are your related pool? I'm caring? Carl? Yeah, no, what is this about? Are you having sex? With my son. Currently the answer is no teacher a pen into jail. Wow, that was yeah, called what should we look out for

beside the TV show? My group, The Big Team will be at sketch Fest. We are formerly known as white Women. We are now called the Big Team. Will be at sketch Fest on January eight at the Gateway Theater in San Francisco, San Francisco sketch Fest. Why did I say that? S F sketch Fest, San Francisco sketch Fest January eight, ten p m. At the Gateway Theater. So you're gonna be in that area. Pull up bonus like Sketch Fest, but also watch Grand Crew Tuesday nights at eight o'clock NBC.

Grand Crew Tuesday nights, NBC eight pm, seven seventh be there. Thank you called Tight for taking the time to h come to our studio and grace us with your presidents. Thank you for having me. Who are you texting right now? Nobody coming up? Act three, But first the word from our sponsors who make this high quality program possible. Stay with us. At three. He had a vague sense that the cheese gave birth to dinosaurs. At least this was the logic. He was running with you just got in

a job as a history teacher. Didn't have any credentials. He lied on his transcripts in his resume. But yeah, there he was eating seventh grade history. Alright, class, we're gonna, oh, we're gonna get started. Let's see seventh grade history. I think this day would come. You're sweating a lot. Mr t Please you can call me h, Mr terrenceman Um, Mr Chen, these aren't warm. Those aren't warm. In January warm in here, pretty warm. So you got sweat stains

in your pitts and your because I'm warm. I just can't believe you fellows aren't warm. It's warm. Mr Freezing. Yes, yes, I can't go to bathroom. Um, I don't know, can you? Yeah? I canna go to bathroom to please? Oh? Why why do you both have to use the bathroom in the same Wait, you're not you're not trying to skip class because I see him a little green? Are you? Are you? That's not why we're trying to skip plays. No, he said skip class. I actually have to go to bathroom.

I'll tell you what. Let me let me get through the first first couple of minutes of my lesson. I'm gonna go use the bathroom while you do that first part of this and then what Yeah, well that's not what I said that. Wait where you going? No, don't don't no, don't go, Please don't go. If you let him go, I gotta go. Can I talk to you up here at my desk for just one moment? Class, everybody, just hang tight, real quick, real quick, just gonna have a little combu station with here with my with with

your fellow student here. What is it, Mr Tarance? Okay, listen, I don't have much time. What kind of things are you expecting a history teach you to teach you on a day like today? Well, of course today is dinosaur day and I needs to know where they came from because I just can't understand it. How did they get here? I know we came dinosaurs. Dinosaurs came from? Thank you like to see? Please gonna get started, I said, I

gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta I'll let you, I'll let you go, I'll let you go in just R Tarnce all right? Today dinosaurs you're so so scary, right, so scary? Where did dinosaurs come from? How did they get made of? Dying? Oh? Hello, go down one second class. Everybody, just thank tight to somebody said the Mr Terence can stay outside. Get class one moment. Okay, I'm gonna continue my my compelling lists. Don't worry. He's not in trouble. Oh he gets to leave, but I can't go to

the mass morta. Don't messing me right now? All right, fair enough, sit down, Please don't hassle Martinez. He's really helping me out of a jam today. Yes, Mr Galvinston, what can I do? When I hired you to be a history teacher here? You told me you went to Harvard, You told me you went to Dinosaurs School, and you don't know anything about anything. And we've been watching from from afar. We you know, we do have cameras in the classes, so we have been watching the lesson plans

that you're putting out. Alright, listen, education in history not be rushed, okay, and has to be eased into by the student. And that's what I'm doing. I'm easing into the day's lesson. Just because I'm not covering everything right away doesn't mean I don't know what I Listen to me, Mr Karen Tower, do you got a week to get these students into shape. That dinosaur test is coming. If they don't score above what they're supposed to score as

the district requirements. As far as there are dinosaur education, you're out of a job, you understand. And then I gotta put these kids, and I gotta put them back in the grade of there and which is seventh grade. In seventh grade, corent Eton out. Okay, we cut to that exam. It's easy, easy, it is. You taught us everything we need to know. Justsur dinosaurs came from tree. The sap nutted out of the tree and created dinosaur.

That what I said, You told us what I told, you said the tree that it sap okay created I don't think. Oh god, Mr Gason, we got the results of all the test. Look, the kids scored tremendously well, Sands, this one kid Martinez, We're gonna just completely Agnorea one, but everybody else. But here's the problem. Yeah, we think they cheated. Yeah, no, there's no way these kids know that much about dinosaurs. They clearly cheated, and we think

you helped them. There's a district representative you're with me to Mr Schwartzman Swatch Mgnaia District and representation again. I talk to you guys for a second. Which one both of you in the district representative? Yeah? Mr Gason and Mr Swartzman. My name is Alfredo Martinez. Yeah, we know

who you are. Oh great, hey, watching you for a while. So. I know it's a little early, it's only seventh grade, but I'm really interested in going to college, really, and I feel like, thanks to the teaching that I've gotten from Mr Terrence Howard, that I can do it. I want to skip high school. Son, Do you have any idea to kind of tests? We have the proctor for you to take that into consideration. I'm ready for it. I'm telling you ask me any question in the world,

I'll give you the answer. Mr Martinez, a feet on mine. I'd like that kind of sidebar speak, offline with the principle for just one moment, right on, mind, I'll be doing a beat on this lockers. Listen to me, says Listen. We get this kid's numbers up and he gets past high school, that's gonna boast that whole district. That will finally get the government fund and we've been looking for. The school's future is gonna hinge on Martinez I think

it might. Can you imagine the accolades this school would get? Ready, listen, my teams can here. What's up, y'all. We're gonna help you out here. Tell me how about doing what we're gonna help your cheat. I don't need to do that, man, my teacher, Mr Terence out you can do it on your own. I've been telling you to ask me a question. You know how smart I am. Okay, ask him the questions that are gonna help him skip the grade. It's pretty simple, okay. Question number one? How many millions of

years ago? Was the Cretaceous Period? The Crustaceous period took place in nineties seventy six when they started olive garden. Several things about what he said? Incorrect? Question number two? What caused the annihilation of the entire species of dinosaur? The trees nutted and the nut was too strong for the dinosaurs, But they was drinking. It sounds logic to me. I mean, I know, but I think it might have actually been aster asteroid? All right? Every morning meeting your

mouth healed? Yeah, asteroid coming right at us. That's offensive. Question ask one, it's not asking actually her mouse is okay, it's to sexually suggest hold on to get the door I've knocked on with you. He's a little I don't know if you guys know me and recognize me. My name is Barry Sander, Hall of Frame running back from I don't watch film in the flesh Sanders. How can I be your service? I just wanted to come in because I heard you guys were doing some very great

work involving an asteroid that's coming to earth. Yeah, I got a business proposition for you. What a strip club the serves moon Rock. You know, it's like souvenir right called Alma scripting. As long as I can have a fifty two percent to stay, we can talk about that. Also, the women never exposed their arms arms strip then Mary Santors, I love that idea. Would you like to have sex

with my wife? I thought you never? I gotta and I dared Andy and then especially gets contributor because I mean sorry, And this was this American laugh with Air Salitary and Andy hairs China's thanks time. This American laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris can be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe, rate and review. You can also find us on Instagram at this American laugh, and on Twitter at American Laugh with three hes. It's American laugh with three hes.