Gay, Straight, or Queer, We All Want Love. We all want to be connected with others, to be cared for, and to be accepted for who we are. To different degrees, that’s what we call love. Your beliefs about relationships affect your experience of love, compassion, and self-acceptance. Until you clearly define your beliefs about what is true about things like dating, sex, and relationships, you won’t know if your choices and behaviours are based on scripts written and directed by someone else. You mi...
May 11, 2021•25 min•Ep. 184
Lachlan Smith grew up in Australia before moving to the UK in his early twenties. Growing up, he was a passionate cricketer and a fan. After coming out, he gave up the sport, not seeing it as compatible with being a gay man. Having rediscovered his passion for the game in his late thirties, Lachlan came out at his new club and has since enjoyed his time there. However, something was missing. In 2020, at the height of the pandemic, Lachlan had the idea to set up a new LGBTQ+ cricket club in Birmi...
May 04, 2021•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 183
About two months ago, I decided to withhold Part IV of my “Where You Stand” moral philosophy article series. It was titled, “Towards a Harmonizing, Universal Morality Based in the Tao Te Ching.” It was close to 4,500 words and I had submitted it to one of the philosophy publications on Medium. The article felt like something approaching a philosophy — or at least an approach to living with personal and moral character integral to supporting a harmonious, civic society and humanity. In the articl...
Apr 30, 2021•21 min•Ep. 182
Take a few, deep breaths and then get curious about why you feel that way. Being curious isn't going to solve all your problems. However, being curious is great for your state of mind and for the humility and self-awareness that comes into play - especially when you are truly open-minded and genuinely curious to learn and improve your skillfulness. Instead of making excuses, seek to be curious instead. Sharpening the saw is how you refine your skills to become more effective and efficient at cut...
Apr 27, 2021•10 min•Ep. 181
In this episode of Think Queerly, I speak with Jon Carl Lewis, the founder of Sex and the Gay Christian. He is also one of my coaching clients. Jon Carl Lewis has studied theology, scripture, discernment, and ethics at Princeton Theological Seminary, Harvard Divinity School and General Theological Seminary. He is currently in training to be a spiritual director, which immerses him in contemplative practices designed to integrate an awareness of the Divine presence into every aspect of one’s pers...
Apr 20, 2021•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 180
In a recent coaching session, my client asked me to send instructions on how to craft his "statements of self-truth." He was telling me about using affirmations and trying to think positive. We had a discussion about how those words and actions are mostly meaningless because they don't connect with truth. The truth is, we can improve who we are and how we feel about ourselves by accepting our current reality — our current truth — and building upon that truth. Accepting where you are doesn't mean...
Apr 04, 2021•20 min•Ep. 179
The cliché, “ Success leaves clues ” is telling. Success is nothing more than a process of completed actions that accumulate like the run-out sands in an hourglass and manifest as the accomplishment of one’s desired goal. In this episode, I discuss: Why success isn't an end-destination. The negative effects of shame on success (which lead to "feeling" like a failure). If you don't accomplish a goal, does that make you unsuccessful and a failure? Why if your actions are more stressful than you ca...
Mar 28, 2021•27 min•Ep. 178
This Personal Evolution Practice supports both parts of my Success & Failure article series. You can read Part I on Curious, Your Understanding of the Meaning of Failure Could Be the Reason for Unrealized Goals and Dreams , or listen on the Think Queerly Podcast, episode 176 . The Desired Outcome of this Personal Evolution Process: DEFINE : To help you understand why you believe you failed at a past goal or dream; REFINE : How to reframe your understanding of that failure, and lastly; ALIGN ...
Mar 23, 2021•31 min•Ep. 177
In today's episode, I discuss, The meanings of failure that have nothing to do with personal accomplishment. I ask if failure is really a lack of success? How failure is a misunderstood and misapplied word I wonder what would happen if we replaced the word failure with something else? Why any task or action that doesn't work out as planned could be called a 'missed-take.' The difference between failure and choosing not to act. And how a Personal failure is a form of overwhelm in the form of fear...
Mar 16, 2021•30 min•Ep. 176
If you create something, but there’s no one to appreciate it, is there a point? If your initial desire was to make money, not having an audience is a problem. But what if you are compelled from something deep within who you are? What if you can’t help yourself but to dive deep into a subject that gives you life? Many creatives have struggled with those questions, but what do you do? What are your options? Read the post, Are You Waiting For Something to Happen? Subscribe to my Human-Heartedness N...
Mar 12, 2021•21 min•Ep. 175
It’s not death that we are afraid of, it’s living. We hold ourselves back from living fully, playfully, authentically, unabashedly, and freely. We waste our lives planning for a moment when our consciousness will cease to exist. Is that not ironic, if not a paradox? Why then are we afraid of living? " The Fear Of Death Is Illogical — What We Are Actually Afraid Of Is Living " Darren Stehle is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate...
Mar 03, 2021•13 min•Ep. 174
In this episode, I dive deep into the nature of dualities from a Taoist perspective and speak to the synthesis and harmonization of opposites — better expressed as dualities. I quote Wing-Tsit Chan’s translation of the second verse of the Tao Te Ching (from “The Way of Lao Tzu”). “Being and non-being produce each other; Difficult and easy compliment each other; Long and short contrast each other; High and low distinguish each other; Sound and voice harmonize each other; Front and behind accompan...
Feb 21, 2021•24 min•Ep. 173
In part I and part II of this series (the previous episode, 171) I discussed the qualities that define our humanity and support one’s integrity. These qualities include your character traits, core values, and beliefs. Knowing these qualities support what you stand for in life, but without a meaningful purpose, you won’t have clarity or direction about where you’re going in life and why. In this episode, I dive into the much bigger picture: Where do you as an individual ground yourself in the lar...
Feb 18, 2021•26 min•Ep. 172
Do You Know the Qualities that Support Your Integrity — Your Foundation in Life? There are many things that define our humanity. What I share in this episode are the qualities that aspire to our moral choices and our personal leadership. These are, Your natural and desired character traits; Your core values, which essentially the character traits that you judge to be the most important in your life, and; The beliefs that protect you from the outside world by allowing you to see what’s happening ...
Feb 11, 2021•34 min•Ep. 171
In this deeply personal episode, I share my thoughts about how far we have come, and how far we still have to go regarding universal human dignity. Throughout history, humans have exercised and practiced various forms of control, which Yuval Noah Harari refers to as the myths that create our culture in his book, " Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind ." These controls have dictated who belongs and who doesn’t within society. I argue for an end to dehumanization, for a more critical reflection o...
Feb 04, 2021•39 min•Ep. 170
" Out North: An Archive of Queer Activism and Kinship in Canada " is described as, “Canada’s definitive visual guide to LGBTQ2+ movements, struggles, and achievements.” I’m honoured to bring you this interview, one I have been waiting to record since late July 2020. In reading "Out North" to prepare for the podcast, I realized how much I have been both a witness to and a participant in much of the history depicted and disused in the book. I have personal connections with many of the individuals ...
Jan 28, 2021•1 hr 46 min•Ep. 169
Creating Anything New is a Form of Transformation. Metaphorically, transformation is like the potential that exists inside an apple seed. Without water and soil for it to take root, the apple seed remains unremarkable. Yet, with the nourishment of water, nutrients from the soil, and the right conditions the seed will transform from an almost unnoticeable speck into a tree that provides hundreds of delicious apples, year after year. The same is true of a new idea — be that a philosophy, a new app...
Jan 22, 2021•17 min•Ep. 168
We are creatures of habit. We find it easy to do the things we have repeatedly done, so long as the original conditions that supported that habit or action are still relevant or present. So, what does that mean? If you’re no longer doing something that used to be easy, something you’ve done almost unconsciously for years, ask yourself, “What’s changed?” To answer this question, look to the last time when you easily, effortlessly, and repeatedly performed and completed your habit without fail. Co...
Jan 17, 2021•31 min•Ep. 167
On the morning of New Year’s Eve, I published, “ Your 2020 Year-End-Review Personal Evolution Process .” I shared a simple 5-step journaling process to review the meaningful highlights, milestones, and insights that shaped you in the year gone by. To show the effectiveness of the process, I shared my own review in complete detail. Later in the day, I wrote in my journal, “What’s missing from my 2020 review?” That got me thinking about how to plan for 2021 now that I’ve completed a review of the ...
Jan 11, 2021•30 min•Ep. 166
“The grace to live with an inner sense of delight.” I am pleased to share this intimate discussion with my cousin, Kelly Walker. If ever there were a person to speak with about the fragile but necessarily formative transitions that happen in our lives, that require both trust and love of the self and others, it is Kelly. Kelly and I share a purpose in life; helping liberate people and transforming institutions. In our discussion, Kelly shares the wisdom of living life as a celebration. At 79, he...
Jan 05, 2021•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 165
Document and reflect on the events in 2020 for the impact and meaningfulness they brought into your life. You might want to book 1-2 hours in your calendar to work your way through this process. You may also find that you need to add to it over the next few days as you remember important milestones and insights. 2020 Year-End-Review Personal Evolution Process Define your new beginnings : Define the new projects, books, habits, job/career, friendship or relationships you took on that had a meanin...
Dec 31, 2020•42 min•Ep. 164
One of the biggest mistakes we make in human relationships is expecting others to act in a particular way. We may expect them to accept and care for us in a way that will satisfy our needs, but that is not something we can control. We may get emotional, angry, or frustrated when people don't do what we expect them to do. In the second bonus part of this episode, "Personal Evolution Practice (PEP): Love and Respect," you'll discover how to create clear definitions about what the feelings of love ...
Dec 22, 2020•18 min•Ep. 162
It’s an interesting intellectual as well as an emotional challenge right now, trying to imagine how to feel or experience joy in another way, at a time when an event, a tradition called “Christmas” — nay, “The Holidays” for the politically correct — has been shut down because of a pandemic. What conditions can be met that will allow you to “revel” in those Christmassy holiday feelings that are based on historical significance? Find out in this very special "holiday episode" of Think Queerly. Rea...
Dec 19, 2020•27 min•Ep. 161
In this episode, I share a process I created to manage prediction and response in disruptive times. I recorded this originally as a video on March 28, 2020, and while the content speaks to many of the circumstances of COVID-19, this is a valid and useful process to deal with disruptive change and understanding what you can and cannot control. Read the article to follow along: " What’s Out of Your Control, Right Now ?" And download the free, Personal Evolution Practice PDF Worksheet . Hosted on A...
Dec 16, 2020•20 min•Ep. 160
When you prioritize what’s most important to you, instead of what you need to get done, you reduce frustration, increase joy, and experience more freedom. We all have too much to do, too many tasks, expectations, and distractions. If you want to live the life of your dreams, why not spend a little time figuring out what’s distracting you. What’s at least one thing you can let go of so that you can spend more time doing what you love or more time working on what you want to create — sooner than l...
Dec 10, 2020•22 min•Ep. 159
It is only the ego that, needing to be right and recognized, holds on to resentment. If you continue to hold on to the past, clinging to a past narrative, however painful — one that you play over and over, embellishing, re-living, and re-creating — you are choosing to stay back, one foot firmly rooted in a past event you cannot change. Read the article for today's Personal Evolution Practice: " Self-Forgiveness is the Bridge over the Chasm of Resentment ." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy ...
Dec 04, 2020•20 min•Ep. 158
Helping human-hearted creatives cultivate acceptance, connection, and tranquillity to experience more freedom, impact, and joy in life. The intention of my coaching philosophy is to help you create more of what you want to experience out of life through the self-mastery of your mind and emotions. The coaching practices and thought-exercises that I teach are an intersection of self-examination, the neuroscience of transformational coaching — as well as my study and contemplation of the Tao Te Chi...
Nov 27, 2020•21 min•Ep. 157
My personal manifesto is a set of truthful statements. They are not affirmations, they are not my purpose, nor are they future-based outcomes. They are statements of facts that I see demonstrated in my daily actions. The statements are not about trying to reach perfection or making goal-based proclamations. Instead, this is about speaking my truth into reality and in the present moment. For example, when I say that I’m a calm person that is true, but also, sometimes I’m not. For my well-being an...
Nov 20, 2020•19 min•Ep. 156
What you believe you know can be questioned. What you are certain you know may be a mistake; a fault of logic. Even what you think you know may be challenged with new information, a clearer perspective, a better understanding. Knowing that you are right is arrogance. Thinking that you know what you know with absolute certainty is based on the egotistical fear of being wrong, not smart enough, or unwilling to challenge your thinking. When you know that you do not know, and when you know that you ...
Nov 13, 2020•15 min•Ep. 155
Expectations are artificial projections onto the external world about something we want to force into being - either unrealistic expectations of ourselves or limitations we attempt to umbrella over others. Expecting something to happen or someone to do something is out of alignment and discordant with the natural order. To say this differently, just because you wish it were so, doesn't mean you have magical powers to manifest your expectation. Listen to today's episode to get the antidote to exp...
Nov 08, 2020•27 min•Ep. 154
