In the Western world we are constantly striving. We are building things. We are creating things. We are solving the problems that we have created for ourselves. We are trying to outperform others. We are trying to create more than our neighbour, or to have more income than anyone else. While some of us are working to achieve balance, others are doing everything possible to increase their net worth at the expense of humanity’s and the planet’s well-being. What can YOU do in the face of striving a...
Nov 08, 2018•17 min•Ep. 32
What is overwhelm? It’s a state of being in which you feel total overpowered by one or more emotions, situations, or everything all at once. In truth it’s an emotional state in which you are overly identified with too many of your problems or struggles and you are stuck in your head. It’s a vicious cycle, and the problem is that you are not your problems! So how do you take back control? The first step is to move in a different way. Yes, move, but differently.... What I described in today’s epis...
Nov 06, 2018•16 min•Ep. 31
In this episode I speak about the challenge for gay men to forgive homophobia in their lives, be it from individuals, family, and society at large. The topic for the episode was inspired by a discussion of models of forgiveness in Raymond L. Rigolisoso’s book, “ Gay Men and The New Way Forward ” and this coaching group (which I’m a part of), “ Gay Men of Wisdom ”. http://www.gaymenofwisdom.org I discuss the meaning and origins of the word, forgiveness, and what it means to me on a personal level...
Nov 01, 2018•32 min•Ep. 30
If you want to accomplish something that’s important to you, do you believe that setting a goal with a deadline, or making a New Year’s resolution will do the trick? Do you create lists of goals with the best intentions, but then for whatever reason, you never accomplish them? Over the years of studying personal development, goal setting systems, and personal productivity methods, I’ve discovered that there are a myriad of ways to establish, manage, and follow through on your goals – within a pa...
Oct 30, 2018•15 min•Ep. 29
Do you think the following statement is true: People who are afraid of the future cling to the present. When I first read that sentence it hit me hard, because of my recent awareness that I have ‘apparently’ been fearful of my own future. I’ve been experiencing fears around the promise of something new and I wasn’t sure if I could make my goals – my dream – a reality. If you are fearful about the future, feeling frustrated, or at the end of your rope, it's because you’re creating negative emotio...
Oct 25, 2018•19 min•Ep. 28
Have you hard the expression, “You need to fall in love with the process, not the goal”. That’s only partially correct. While it’s highly motivating to fall in love with the process, you never want to be attached to the goal. You don’t want to be emotionally dependant upon the goal. You want to fall in love with the doing, the taking action, accepting, trusting, and believing that your choices and actions are leading towards your desired goal. Love is an important emotion to drive your motivatio...
Oct 23, 2018•21 min•Ep. 27
Pretend that you recently accomplished a really big goal. I’m talking the big-kahuna, significant life goal: a major promotion at work; a $30,000 sales target reached; you’ve moved into your dream home; you lost over 20 pounds of body fat; or whatever you have in mind as a meaningful, impactful goal. Now that you find yourself in a much better place than you were before achieving that goal, you feel uncomfortable. You might even be experiencing fear. That is not what you expected! It’s time to r...
Oct 18, 2018•14 min•Ep. 26
Have you ever said (or heard others say) something like, “Is that for me? Oh, you shouldn’t have!” Or, “I don’t deserve this.” Too often I hear this from those of us who serve others in capacities like coaching, personal training, massage, teaching, blogging, and so on. For some reason we depreciate ourselves, as if we shouldn’t be proud of our accomplishments, including our gifts, skills, talents, products, and services. When you give something that is of value to others, you are entitled to re...
Oct 16, 2018•17 min•Ep. 25
If you're excited by every new idea, jumping from one project to the next, you'll never get what you want. Instead, the outcome will be many small projects, some completed, and others abandoned; or jumping one job to another. You will be no closer to achieving your goals and creating the life of your dreams. But, once you know what you want to do – with clarity and on your own terms – you can then establish systems and structures that will keep you on the path to accomplish your goals. Want to l...
Oct 11, 2018•24 min•Ep. 24
One of the core steps to Live OUT the best of who you are is to keep a journal. We journal for self-awareness to work through our problems and struggles, to get clear on how to solve those problems, and to give form to our creative inspirations. When we journal regularly we stay connected with who we are. No one else has the power to assess, dream, and design our lives. Divine your own truth by your own hand, and write your life’s story going forward, page by page. Read the post, Divining the De...
Oct 09, 2018•11 min•Ep. 23
ADD To Your Life How many times have you sought out someone’s opinion, or wanted someone to agree with you? Maybe you didn’t know how to resolve a difficult situation and you asked what they thought. Or perhaps you were working to solve a problem and you wanted someone to tell you that you were doing the right thing. The truth is that other people’s opinions do not matter. They are simply their opinions and have nothing to do with you. Usually we are seeking validation in seeking people’s opinio...
Oct 04, 2018•9 min•Ep. 22
This past weekend I was a guest on the Shaun Proulx Show on Canada Talks on SiriusXM Canada, channel 167. Shaun and I went deep into the discussion that you are not your problems or your past stories. We talked about what you can do to reframe your problems, and how to come up with creative and empowering solutions. Enjoy this special edition of the Living OUT Podcast and be sure to check out Shaun's website here: http://www.shaunproulx.ca . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more inform...
Oct 02, 2018•26 min•Ep. 21
For many years I held onto my past. I thought about people who made me feel bad and unworthy. I reacted to how heteronormative culture boxed me in and made me feel shame for being a gay man. I felt like a loser graduating high school with a 51% average. My past became my identity and I was stuck in the drama of that tired old story. What actions can you take to let go of what’s holding you back? How would it feel to move forward with ease, to live out the best of who you are, to explore what you...
Sep 27, 2018•23 min•Ep. 20
Do you stick to the appointments you make with other people and compromise or cancel appointments that you make with yourself? What self-care habits are routine in your life? What do you do on a daily or weekly basis to take care of yourself that never appears on your calendar? What always gets done with consistency and without argument or resistance? Conversely, what appointments or habits do you NEED to book in your calendar? For example, in my past I would compromise many of my “self-appointm...
Sep 25, 2018•29 min•Ep. 19
Needing to be right is not who you are In this episode I look at why we often go on the defensive about what we believe to be right, why we attack so easily when confronted with something we don’t agree with or believe in, and what that says about who we are. Below are the key quotations I reference from the podcast, Ram Dass Here and Now , “Reality of Who We Are” , episode 86. “You only try and protect your position when you don't have much faith in where you're at. Just like you only come on t...
Sep 20, 2018•24 min•Ep. 18
Taking risks is not about trying to be different or trying to make a name for yourself. This is not the same as riding a rollercoaster or sky-diving. This is a risk of the soul, exposing your truth, your abilities, and your creative genius to the world. You can’t predict anyone will care, follow you, or even support what you do — especially if you are only motivated by your ego. If the ego doesn’t get recognition (“Hey, look at me!”) your efforts feel diminished and wasted. If you want to create...
Sep 18, 2018•25 min•Ep. 17
Do you have a vision for what your dream life looks like? Or do you have a mission, or what some refer to as having a calling in life? You can have all of the above. As an example, I am consciously creating my dream life every day (and sometimes I doubt it will ever happen, but that’s another story). My focus on growing my business is connected with my mission and my calling. So how do you create that vision of your dream life, and more importantly, how do you take steps every day to live your l...
Sep 12, 2018•22 min•Ep. 16
The outcome of this self-assessment process is to gain clarity on the reasons for your problems, struggles or challenges. Once you get clarity on what’s holding you back, you can then come up with solutions and create an action plan to solve those problems and challenges. This process is part of my ADD Coaching Methodology: a 12-session program to help you, Assess the foundations of your life. How did you get to this point? What are you proud of? What is holding your back from getting what you w...
Sep 05, 2018•28 min•Ep. 15
Why do we act mean or disrespectful towards others? Why don't we realize that this is a lack of self-respect? When we attack, harass, bully, defame, or call someone names, it is a reflection of our own self-image. Our actions are a reflection of our lack of control and emotional intelligence. It's easy to go down the path of anger, attack, and self- protection. The ancient parts of our brain serve to keep us safe and comfortable. They react instantly and seemingly without logical, conscious thou...
Aug 29, 2018•37 min•Ep. 14
Have you left the best parts of you in the closet? As a metaphor, the closet can be the place where you’ve suppressed and hidden away the best parts of who you are. These are your hidden dreams and desires, which might feel too heavy to drag out of the closet. The things we’re most afraid of doing are in fact the things that make us evolve. What we are afraid of is leaning out of our comfort zone. Comfort is safe, but it’s not expanding; it’s not where personal growth happens, it’s not where we ...
Aug 22, 2018•27 min•Ep. 13
A contemplative tale One early morning last week on my way to the gym, I saw a homeless man wandering aimlessly. I looked away, avoiding eye contact, and kept going, pretending that it shouldn't matter. But by thinking the thought, it did matter. It mattered that he was “homeless” and I did nothing about it – other than to recognize this awareness bothered me. I had so much going for me compared to him. I realized the privilege in my abundance. I know nothing of the homeless man's story. Who am ...
Aug 15, 2018•21 min•Ep. 12
Do you ever catch yourself in your own bullshit, making excuses for why you can’t do something, or why you don’t want to do something? What are the things you’re lying to yourself about that are holding you back from something that would make you happy; some action that, when completed, would improve the quality of your life? I am not an advocate of “feel the pain and do it anyway”, or “No more excuses, just do it”. Just do what, exactly? When you don’t know why you’re making an excuse, no amoun...
Aug 08, 2018•24 min•Ep. 11
This episode was inspired by a recent post on my LGBTQ publication, Th-Ink Queerly about one person’s coming out process, and specifically her fears. I found it interesting because it became a list of fears that – I fear – would keep her forever trapped in a state of low self-worth and limited growth, if she doesn’t find a way to reframe her fears. The questions we ask ourselves determine our perspective and world view within the formation of our answers. It’s vital we ask the kind of questions ...
Aug 01, 2018•23 min•Ep. 10
This past Sunday night, July 22 in Toronto, Faisal Hussain, a 29-year-old resident went on a shooting rampage on a number of Danforth Avenue restaurants. A 10-year-old girl and and and 18-year-old woman were killed, with many more injured in the attack. This is a terrible tragedy and my heart goes out to all those who have lost someone in this and other violent attacks. The news headlines and the media over the last few days have made it seem like the city of Toronto is falling apart as a result...
Jul 26, 2018•18 min•Ep. 9
Something I learned about myself some time ago, was how gay shame was holding me back and limiting my success. I was afraid of other people’s options of me. For many gay men it’s challenging to feel good enough, to feel like we belong, and to feel equal within society. Not feeling good enough started in my childhood, as it does for anyone who feels “different” (as I did) at a very early age. I felt isolated and rejected by my peers, which had a profound affect on my emotional, intellectual, and ...
Jul 25, 2018•31 min•Ep. 8
Responding to the Perpetrators who cause pain and injustice On a daily basis – if you read headline news – there appears to be so much pain and anguish in the world. Often our intrinsic, immediate response to those who make us feel this way is to lash out or bash back. Is outrage and / or physical violence an appropriate response, and if not, how can we better respond to injustice? What individual and collective power do we have to make an unjust situation better? What's been happening over a lo...
Jul 18, 2018•18 min•Ep. 7
If you do any kind of work in the public eye, whether you write, podcast, record videos, and so on, you need to be ready for the haters. And by the way, this includes posting to your personal Twitter or Facebook pages! You never know who’s lurking and ready to attack you for your views and opinions. Haters love to hate online. It’s easy – they can often hide behind a profile without a face picture or even their real name as they barrage you with disrespectful, negative, bigoted, or bitter commen...
Jul 11, 2018•26 min•Ep. 6
Setting a standard of leadership starts with self-awareness One of the many test of leadership is seen when the leader must make difficult decisions that affect other people. True leadership is borne when others look to you for guidance. They might want to follow you, mimic you, or stand with you for what you believe is right and just. They will call you a leader, without you ever calling yourself one. Effective leadership is measured by the actions the leader takes after the fact. Sometimes bei...
Jul 04, 2018•28 min•Ep. 5
If Pride remains a protest, where does that leave us? Pride will always be political so long as it continues to exist. Pride, as a celebration — because it is celebrated — is a priori political because of its origins. Even to those to whom Pride only seems a big party, the nature and existence of Pride is built upon the foundations of a political movement. The politics of pride are that of visibility, acceptance, and equality. Pride says to onlookers, “Take notice, we’re here, we’re queer, you n...
Jun 27, 2018•26 min•Ep. 4
Let’s talk about sex! How does a sexual position make you feel and what does that say about you? Are you versatile, or do you only like it one way? What was the impact of your first sexual experience on how you perceive pleasure and the development of your identity? What does control mean to you with respect to sex? I realize that much of my sexual identity stems from having been in the closet until I was 18. Needing to control my mannerisms so I could fit in and not be outed, had an impact on t...
Jun 20, 2018•15 min•Ep. 3
