Should EVERYTHING be “content?” What happens when parents overshare their kids online? (with Mom Uncharted)

for kids. And when well meaning parents post content of their children to social media or make entire online platforms solely around their kid, it raises a lot of questions. Is it safe? What about privacy or what about consent? Technology moves so quickly and pretty much before we knew it, it kind of became normal for parents to share everything online, even things were once reserved for family and close friends, the most intimate moments, or even contact about times where

kids are sick or injured. So in our increasingly digital world, shouldn't we pause to ask if this is safe or healthy for our children. My name is Sarah Adam and I go by mom dot uncharted on my social media accounts, mainly TikTok, and you can just call me Sarah. Sarah uses her growing platform on TikTok to explore what she calls generation Shared, and she was inspired to start in

part by the experiences of parenting during the pandemic. I became a mom in late and I naturally followed a lot of mummy bloggers and a mummy influencers, mainly over

on Instagram. And as the years went on, specifically kind of during the pandemic, when we all moved towards like this online world, I just noticed the amount that parents were sharing was get being more frequent, was getting more detailed, and I started to feel uncomfortable with the amount I was seeing other people's children displayed on social media, and the stories they were sharing, and the intimate details they

were sharing. And I just couldn't help but think, does anyone else feel this is getting a little out of hand? Does anyone else feel that, like, maybe we're oversharing details about our kids? And so I eventually just downloaded TikTok and thought, you know what, maybe I'll ask maybe I'll

start talking about these things. See if you see if there's a community out there of like minded people who feel like, yeah, you know, this is getting a little weird, This is getting a little strange and did you find that community? Is there a community of like minded folks who are interested in having those conversations? Yes, I did so. When I first downloaded TikTok Um, I did kind of like the mom's stuff, the trend stuff. I had a pandemic baby. I talked about that, I talked about things

going on in my area. I was just trying to like learn the app and figure out who I was. And I noticed that whenever I integrated the concept of or the topic of sharenting or child exploitation on social media, that people were pretty engaged and like that stuff and wanted to talk about it. And so yes, I did find a group of like minded mainly parents, but generally adults who feel that, like, we need to think longer and harder about the way we are sharing and utilizing

our kids on social media. Yeah. I know that you talk a lot about some of the harms and the dangers of sharing kids on social media that I definitely want to get into. But something that you said that really struck me was, yes, that it can be super harmful.

But also I think the question of like douce, isn't okay for strangers to see certain moments something that comes to mind is like a video I saw where it was like an influencer and she was made a video and it was like the moment you've been waiting for my my newborn's first bath, and it is sort of like that's an intimate thing. Like I don't I'm not a parent myself, but I just became a niece and my my brother and his partner they had their first like skin to skin and it was this incredible, like

intimate experience. Isn't it not great that strangers would feel entitled to be a fly on the wall for the intimate, most deep special moments between a mother or a parent and a child that they don't even know. Yeah it Um, it feels like social media has made things less sacred almost, like these moments that you used to really be present for for your children, you know, the first bath, the first skin to skin. There's like a camera there and it's being filmed, and it just makes me think, like

is anything just private anymore? Are there anything that parents just want to keep to themselves and hold near and dear and close and you know, put the phone down four right? Um? Yeah, it to me, I think it's strange. I think It's strange that parents would want strangers who they have not vetted two be privy to these intimate moments with their children, right that these strangers can save the videos and developed potentially like para social relationships with children.

It it just feels strange to me. Yeah, a real new normal where I think you're right. I wonder if anyone has thought to pump the brakes and say, hey, is this really the future that we want to have?

The social media? Social media getting us to a future that we want, or to a future that doesn't feel great in some ways, Like I'm happy that someone is out there forcing the question because with technology, things move so quickly and you can get to a new place without ever really thinking how did we get here and did we want to be here in the first place. Well, honestly, rigid, I think that's kind of how we got here with the sharing, right, with the oversharing of our children in

our lives. Is that technology moves so fast and it all just became normal like mom's pian a stick and a child's digital footprint begins right, and we weren't talking about it, so we weren't reflecting on it as parents are really critically thinking about it because it's what we we're continuing to see. And what I want to do and what I try to do is just bring a different opinion, a different perspective. I want to engage in these conversations. Right, I'm not trying to like attack, I'm

not trying to shame. I'm just trying to say, like, whoa, guys, have we like reached a point where we need to just pause and reflect on this and think critically, think about their future, not just the present. Um, it's really about just having parents pause before posting, thinking about their own sharing practices as well as the content they are

consuming online. Yeah. What are some of the dangers that you've seen in terms of like maintaining an account that is solely based like like a parent maintaining an account or a social media presence that is solely based around a child. Yeah, I've seen, like, um, some of the strange like para social relationships that people are like waiting for these kids videos to pop up in their feed that like, you know, they make their day and things

like that. Um. A lot of predatory people also depending on the type of account, like specifically, UM, mothers who are exploiting their young daughters. I have noticed there's a lot of predatory people following uh those accounts, and like, sadly, we live in a world where images can be saved and altered and digitally manipulated and put in scary places of the Internet, and it's just so much to think about and consider, Right, yeah, your content, I mean, take

this whatever way you're going to take it. I maybe it was a little bit naive about like I know the Internet is a scary place, and I know there's weirdos and creeps out there. Of course, your account really made me realize what an organized network of creeps exists on the Internet, specifically to target content regarding children in ways that I never would have thought, like like like it's it's almost like so dark, it's tough to talk about, but there's like a market a marketplace for people who

don't have great intentions with materials around surrounding children. It's like very it's like very upsetting. And I understand that people might not want to like I don't want to talk about it or think about it, but it doesn't mean it's not there. Well, honestly, um, sadly, it's a massive marketplace, like the things I have come across, it's terrifying and it's scary, and it's dark and it's dangerous. But the safety element wasn't even really on my radar

when I first started thinking about these things. I was coming more for I'm like, don't our kids deserve privacy? Like we're choosing to put ourselves out there. We you know, consented to be public in public figures, whatever you want to call it, and they didn't. So I was always coming from that kind of place, and it wasn't until I dove into it that the real safety concerns kind

of came out. And as I was learning more about these dark corners of the Internet and the people on these apps and things like that, I just felt like, well, I gotta share. I gotta tell other parents that this is happening, and these are like, you know, the tags

they use and what they're looking for. I felt, if I was accumulating all this knowledge, I had to share it with other parents, right, And you're right, it is hard to think about, but as I always say, we have to remember that when we post images publicly, we lose the ability to control them, and sadly, some of the worst people in society are on the social media platforms and their intentions are not good. And the FBI has stated that there's over five hundred thousand active predators

online each day. And I don't know if that's like an American stat or like a worldwide stat but like that's enough as a mom to be like, whoa, whoa, that's a lot of predatory people. Are there red flags that might indicate that creeps are interested in a certain kind of material that you're posting online. Yeah, Like, um, you know, there's such an anonymity with the Internet that creeps can be very blazon and bold, right, they can

just hide behind these troll accounts. They can say terrible comments, they can private their accounts so you can't see their followers list and what else they're doing out there. But I've noticed, um, a lot of them aren't a slow i as others. And if oftentimes you click on a user's name who may be made an inappropriate comment on the video of a child and they are public, you can see their followers list, and usually that gives you an insight into the type of individual that might be.

I feel like most parents, most good parents, would never knowingly put their kid in danger? Right? Do you think that there's something about the Internet that blurs the actual like legitimate danger, not just the privacy invasion all of that, Like all of that is important as well, but the legitimate danger that some of these parents maybe unwittingly are putting their kids. And do you think the Internet makes it makes it difficult to see it as dangerous because

it's happening on the Internet. Yeah, I feel like there's an element that it feels like not real, like less gary because they aren't physically able to like touch you or get to you. That it give. Yeah, But then I think about like stories like Ava ma Jury who had a stalker show up with a shotgun at their family home. Let's take a quick break at her back. Ava Majury started using TikTok two years ago when she was thirteen to stave off pandemic boredom. Since then, her

platform has grown to over a million followers. Last year, after months of harassing Ava online, eighteen year old Eric Rohan Justin traveled to her home and shot a hole through her bedroom door before Ava's Dad's shot and killed it. When he was killed, he brought two cell phones with him that were filled with thousands of pictures and videos of Ava, and just this spring, Ava was being stalked

by a classmate. Ava's parents talked to her about leaving social media after the incident with Eric, but Ava said that she liked the platform that she had built and she thought it could help her get into a good college, so she continues making content. Now, young people like Eva should be able to make the decision for themselves about how they show up online, not be forced into about their parents before they're really even old enough to understand it.

Because the dangers that can come with showing up online are real. The people online can and do turn up in real life. Right. So we're seeing more stories where like they're um intersectional, right, you know, the online world and the real world. They're starting to come together. But I definitely agree, and I think maybe because parents are posting the images and videos, like the parent feels like in control, right and that they would not put their

child in danger, And it's just thinking deeper into it, right. Yeah, That's something that we talked about on this podcast. It seems like endlessly getting people to wake most people are a lot of people are there, but to wake up to the reality of the the like online harms don't often stay online, right And so you know, we had this attitude a while ago where it was like, oh, it's just the Internet, who cares. But the internet and the real world there's there's much more overlap to the

two than you think. And there are so many instances where, whether it's harassment or violent behavior, it might start online, but it does not end online one, right, And that goes back to you know, another element I discussed in regard to like posting photos and stuff, as you know, embarrassing content of your children, low moments of your children, and the potential that it could be used as like

bullying fodder down the line right to your point. And then these bullies have access to all of this content and it doesn't end in the schoolyard like it used to for these kids. Right then for the teens online and things like that, it's all with you seven, right. Um. Another thing that we have to think about. Yeah, some sometimes on your page you'll have this like, well it

just breaks my heart. There's this content where it will be I am fostering these kids with disabilities, and it'll go into these like very specific, detailed retellings of the issues that these kids have and the circumstances that they

came from. And I just and I understand that the content is supposed to make you feel like, oh, how nice or like oh heartwarming, bloh blah, but it just so clear to me that the kid, the child, the person that that you should be really focused on, that no one is really thinking about, like, well, how is this going If they're in school and you're showing their face and using their name and talking about their history

and their background, is this going to be good for them? Yeah, I'm not an adoptive mom or foster mom, and I'm not adoptive or foster child, so like, I can't speak from that experience, but I have talked to a lot of people in those communities, and my thought on it is that that's their story. Right. We have to remember

that these are individual humans. They may be little, we may be in charge of them, but they still have their own stories and their own experiences, especially when we're thinking about like foster and adoptive children who could come from a lot of trauma, right, and to have their trauma publicly shared without their knowledge and consent feels like they can't be the author of their own story, and they don't get that back, right, They're not going to

be able to reclaim that story as theirs. Like what if they didn't want that information public and now forever it is public? Right? It almost I worry about like them being retraumatized by having their stories and their experiences shared publicly online. I have a I mean, you might agree with me I have. I have what might be a controversial opinion. We don't care. We don't see as a society, we don't see kids as human like we have.

I think that sometimes it can be adults can be so removed from the experience of being a child that it almost we almost dehumanize them, and we don't give them. We treat them as if they don't have any right to privacy or the right to be authors, or to give waste to their own experience. And we kind of have this the situation where it's like the adults no better and are allowed to, you know, make whatever choices

that they want for the child. And I think, I think that we really don't always treat children as if they are little humans. We we we treat them in this way that I find really dehumanizing. I think a

lot of people would agree with you. A lot of people feel that kids right now, especially on social media, are kind of being treated like property of their parents, so like their parents have the right to do whatever they want, or I often refer to things I'm seeing like treating your child like a prop or an accessory to your content rather than a little human and the it's really hard, and we don't know the consequences and ramifications of all of this down the line, Like, but

to your point, this is a real human lived experience. This. They're not actors playing a role here, right, this is their life, and we are putting it all out there without their knowledge and their consent and being the authors of their story and not giving them the digital autonomy that we have been given. Right Like, I'm a later millennial. I didn't have Facebook until I was twenty one years old, an adult, right, And let me tell you, at twenty one,

I felt like an adult. Let me tell you, I was not an adult right now, not an adult, right, But I signed up, I consented, and I said whatever I do, like, this is on me, right, And they're not getting that choice. They're going as line on when they're you know, thirteen or whatnot, and have a very lengthy, detailed digital footprint already created for them that explains who they are that maybe that's not who they are or want to be perceived as. Do you ever hear from

children who have now gotten a bit older. I guess they're like, you know, young adults who were the subject of a mommy blog or a you know mom run account about what that experience was like for them. Um.

There is an individual cam Soft scorpio on TikTok. She I don't think she was used as like in a mummy vlogger form, but she grew up with a chronic oversharer and she shares her details on the public platform about how um she deals with all of the trauma that her mom put her through by sharing her life publicly online and is another Recently, a video has gone viral from Caroline Eastman, a comedian out of Chicago, where a child vlogger got in contact with her anonymously and

let her share a letter about her experience being a child in this you know, family vlogging world, and it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. So I haven't like no one's directly reached out to me. But again, all these Logger children are kind of just coming of age now, many of them maybe are like in their later teens, and I think sometimes it takes a little longer to reflect on things, right.

I wouldn't be surprised if it takes until thirty for these children to really reflect back on their childhood and see things differently. Because right now, if you're seventeen eighteen years old, you might think it's really cool, right, You're still very much in this world. Right, But as you age and look back on your childhood, as we all do,

you might see things very differently. Yeah. And I also think if you are if you grew up in a household with a chronic online over sharer or a mom or a parent who was like you were their content, you might not realize how harmful that was until you're out of it, Like that might just be your You might have not have a concept of the fact that, like, that's that's not everybody's normal circumstances until you're like out of it several years removed, because it was your lived experience, right,

You learn what you live. If these children are living in a world where they are constantly being filmed and everything is content. Then that's what they learn and that's what they feel comfortable with, and that's just their existence. Maybe they're not aware that that's not how the majority of kids grow up, right, So I think it's going to take a little time, but I think they're gonna

come right like you. There's also in the comparison between like child stars and influencer kids, and there's a lot of differences, but I feel like we can take a little bit from the child star experience and I think that maybe some of these kids have the potential to have similar traumas. Definitely. So I just finished um Janette mcgurdy's book I'm Glad My Mom Died, which like she's

got punch of a read that was my god. Um. But you know, when it comes to child actors, I mean, I have no idea about the business, but I do know that there's laws, like there's like there's like certain laws about how long they can work, what their schooling looks like, all of that. Where the money goes influence like influencing and kind creating. It's such a new field that we don't really even have a have a body of of laws that I that I'm aware of that

speaks to that because it's such a new field. Do you think this is a place where our technology has progressed quicker than our than our than our like societal and legal understanding, Like do you think that there should be laws in place or at least norms in place where how how children can show up online if a parent is like monetizing a content page dedicated solely to them. Yeah, I definitely think that, um, there needs to be rules and regulations put for us to protect the kids and

like their labor and the money that they are essentially making. Um, I don't know when that will come. You know, there's a lot going on in the world, and I think a lot of UM. One aspect is the people usually in charge of you know, government to making regulations are quite older than the people who are like in the depths of this fast moving technology. So I'm not even sure if lawmakers really understand the problem that is happening online right completely. More after a quick break, let's get

right back into it. My nine to five job is around like platform accountability and sort of trying to nudge platforms to do the right thing, and some of that work involves lawmakers, and I'll just say sometimes I'm like, oh, the people making the laws for our platforms, I don't know how innately familiar they are with them, but yet they are in charge of them exactly. And then also I would say, I have this theory that you know, know,

when I look at like influencers. For so long, influencing was something that was mostly like like dominated by women, and so I think that it gave it this idea that it wasn't serious and didn't need scrutiny. But I think that when it comes to children showing up online via their parents, I think a lot of that is also dominated by women, and thus it is avoided the

same kind of scrutiny. I just think that when something is like has the impression of like, oh, it's just something that women are doing on the internet, it gives U it has an air of it's not worthy of scrutiny or a real meaningful attention, And I think nothing could be further from the truth. I think you nailed it on that one, rigid. I completely agree. When you make your content, do you ever get accusations of like that your mom shaming, like, oh, why don't you leave

her alone? It's not your kid. If she wants to put her if she wants to put her kid on her TikTok or social media like this, who are you to say anything? Do people ever accuse you of shaming moms? Um? Occasionally? It's definitely died down recently, Like I get a lot of like mind your own business or not not your kid, not your problem. But I feel that the mom shaming

has died down a little. But I've also grown with my platform, so I try really hard to you know, inform and educate and offer a difference of opinion and use examples that are you know, stitched and duetted and user names are hidden and identities are hidden. You know, some of these people have millions of followers, so like, you know who I'm talking about. But I wanted to

be around the conversation versus trying to attack somebody. So I think as I've grown with my platform, it's it's died down because I'm really trying to I don't want to mom shame. I don't want I don't think any if a mother is making a different choice than me, I don't think they should be attacked for it and ridiculed for it. Because I don't think it's a black and white issue. I think there is a lot of

gray um when it comes online sharing. I've said multiple times that I'm not against all sharing, but I am against parents making their content their kids. And you know, of their content is their kid or their whole account is solely their kid. Is very different than an influencer who sometimes does a dance with their kid or shows them at the park occasionally. Right, Like, there's gray, there's a spectrum. Yeah, I I agree because I mean, I'm gonna be honest like I when I'm scrolling TikTok, I

love children. When I when a cute kid doing a dance or a cute kid doing something like, you know, making food, and they're like pretend kitchen, and I love that. I love that stuff. But honestly, it's made me take a more critical look at my own role in the content that I am consuming and thus incentivizing. You know,

we all love cute kids. Yes, if I'm seeing a content where it's like this kid doesn't look happy, or this kid looks like they've they've they understand that they have to perform in a certain way to get validation, and maybe they don't want to, and they're doing it anyway. If it's made me take a much more critical eye to the content that I am consuming and thus incentivizing and you know, incentivizing them to keep making it, yeah, totally.

I And that's one of the things I've always hoped is that parents and adults will reflect on the content they are consuming, and if they were consuming these like kids centric accounts, that they don't look at it as

a place of entertainment. They look at it from a place of personal, lived, human experience of that child, right, Like that child is not knowing or willing participant, right because they can't they can't consent, They don't know what social media is, they don't know they're being blasted to a billion people on TikTok. So just to be able to think more critically of how we are seeing kids and interacting with them online is a big part of

what I talked about. Two. I've noticed there are content creators who are talking about how they are no longer going to be featuring their child on their social media content. Do you feel that the tides are sort of turning. I feel like the tides are like there, I feel like there's like a little ripple, right, and you never know, the ripple might turn into the wave or it might

just not go anywhere. But I've seen like really big creators recently, some who are you know, pregnant or trying to conceive, announced that like they won't be sharing their chry oild on social media that like you know, maybe from the back or something like that, but they firmly believe they can't give inform consent. And when they have platforms of millions of people and stuff like that, I guess you would know how dark and scary and weird it can get, right, so you maybe wouldn't want your

kid involved in that. And every day I have parents reaching out to me just saying that I've changed the way they thought in their own um, within their own family, and the way they share online and the content they consume. So I do see a little tied um, a little ripple in the water of change, because again, like my goal isn't to like get rid of kids on the internet or anything like that. It's to really think about,

like to treat them as humans. And we wouldn't want pictures and videos of ourselves circulating online without our knowledge and consent. Yet we're doing this every day to our kids. Right, It's just these things we have to think about. It's it's important to think about these things. Yeah, my mom has this picture of me framed in our house from when I was a toddler, and it's it's an unflattering picture. I'm I'm I'm doing something very unflattering. And I always think,

thank God that we didn't have social media. It's like that. It's like, as an adult, that was the image that people associated with me still, like, you know if that that image went viral, Oh, it will be a nightmare. Well, we say, like, oh, so as a millennial, one of our biggest things is well, I'm so glad that my teenage years weren't blasted on the internet, or my childhood wasn't blasted on the internet. Yeah, we are some of

the worst for doing it to our own children. So it's just really interesting sometimes how people aren't connecting that, right, Like, you wouldn't want it done to you, You're glad it wasn't done to you, yet you're actively doing it to your children. You just need to self reflect on that. That's so interesting. I hadn't thought about that, But you're

so right that we were. We are the ones doing it, and we didn't we we were always talking about how we're happy it didn't happen to us, and we're turning it around and doing it to the next generation, exactly right. And I think I I worry because some people are like, well, you know, your kids aren't here, why do you care? Well,

I care because I care about kids. I care about the generation of humans my children are growing up with and around and amongst, right and right now, what we know to be true is that the teens are really suffering. They're becoming increasingly addicted to their smartphones and their screens. Uh. Rates of you know, anxiety, depression, suicide, mental health in general have skyrocketed since the advent of social media over

the past two decades. And my gut as a parent says that if this is where our teens are at now, why would we think it's going to be better for the next generation. Why do we think having our kids online and plastered on the internet at such a young

age is going to benefit them down the line? Right? Yeah, I I'm right there with you, and I firmly believe that it's time to take meaningful, intentional steps to make sure that technology and the internet is not creating a generation that is worse off than the one before it. I think that we're just moving very quickly, you know.

I think it's partly because it's our experiences are making wealthy tech bros lots of money, and those those experiences are like lining somebody's pockets, and thus we are not stopping to be like, well, are we create Are are we enabling the internet to provide healthy experiences for the next generation or more fucked up experiences? And I deep I deeply believe that young people deserve and the internet

that makes them feel safe and not exploited. Yeah, and I yeah, it's just there's so there's so much, there's so much to talk about. Yeah, it's like one of those topics is like, wow, that's a real ball yarn. Yeah. I just I just want parents to think. Right, That's why I call myself mom uncharted because I don't have the answers. No one does. This is uncharted territory, but it is a massive element of parenting today. So we need to talk about it. And let's just have these

open conversations and you can agree or disagree. You can use your parental discretion and do whatever the funk you want. But you need to just listen and reflect because as you can't go to the library and get out of book and learn about how this is all going to turn out. Right, we don't know the consequences and ramifications to all of this, and we're navigating it together, and so at least we can talk about it. At least we can you know, talk and have people just you know,

have a few lightbulb moments, change a few things. It's just about opening a dialogue and having a discussion about something that is literally like a massive aspect of arranging these days. Yeah, one of my last questions, do you have tips for maybe somebody is listening and they're like, I want to be more intentional about how my kids show up on my social media feed? Do you need

tips for that person listening? So, for me, what works for my family and what I believe is the safest option to protect your kids online as well as respect their privacy as an individual is to just not post um. That's my go to. However, if you feel like you want to share with trusted family and friends, the best option is to do so in private mode and really curate your followers list, really know and trust those individuals who are following along with your children and your family experience.

Those are always my go to tips. So I want to know what you think if you're a parent or a caregiver to a little one, what is your philosophy about how both kids show up on social media and how did you come to that decision? Shoot me an email at Hello at pangoti dot com, because, like Sarah says, we're navigating pretty uncharted territory here when it comes to parenting children and the Internet, and I think that will only really be able to figure it out by talking

about it together. Got a story about an interesting thing tech, or just want to say hi? You can reach us at Hello at tang godi dot com. You can also find transcripts for today's episode at tangdi dot com. There Are No Girls on the Internet was created by me Bridget Tod. It's a production of I Heart Radio and Unboss creative Jonathan Strickland as our executive producer, Terry Harrison as our producer and sound engineer. Michael Amato is our

contributing producer. I'm your host, Bridget Todd. If you want to help us grow, rate and review us on Apple podcasts. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, check out the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.