Schizoaffective and Creating After a Breakdown with Jaime Chaifetz

Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me) 

Hello, listener. Welcome to another episode of Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent where you can complain all day and I won't cut you off until I feel like it's absolutely polite enough that I can do so. Um, my name is Michele Baci, and I'm your resident comedian, writer, existential thinker. Host. I would like to update you that my boyfriend Joseph and I have created a budget, and we are budgeting our asses off and trying to save to move out of this tiny apartment we live in. We are just so sick of it. And it's really like grating on our spirit, our relationship. our physical bodies, like I literally run into stuff in this apartment all day, we just cram all of our junk into it. And being home all day working from home, I do laps around the apartment walking laps around like this tiny circumference we have. And I'm constantly walking into the wall, I broke one of my favorite pint glasses the other day. So we have to move we got to get serious about it. We created a budget. And Joseph in all of his wisdom. I am blaming this on him, but it's probably for the best. He he decided that we should only get takeout food once a week. Our budget for takeout food is like 60 bucks a week, including tip and everything. That means we can get one dinner from takeout maybe like one lunch if we're being stingy on one of the meals. So I had a really hard time committing to this idea cuz I don't want to cook every night. And I don't want to do dishes all the time. I really like ordering takeout. And I've gotten really into this pizza place in our neighborhood. So our once a week takeout meal has been pizza this week. And last week, probably next week. I if you know, I can't go without pizza. I'm from New York. I don't know what he's putting me through. Like, I'll give up my fancy sushi. For the time being I'll leave that for a splurge day. But

come on, can't I get pizza when I want pizza? It's been good overall, cuz I think we are saving money. And we're more focused on like, getting a house or trying to buy a house, which sounds very adult. But I think if we really budget and pull up our bootstraps, we could we could do it. If not, we'll rent a house, whatever, just get me out of this apartment. That's all I'm saying. Um, besides budgeting, I'm trying to get a grasp on my own mental health, which is very much driven by anxiety and depression. And I feel like I just don't have time for myself or for like me time, relaxing in general. So I've been trying to learn time management, which is something I've always struggled with. And I don't know if I'll ever really conquer. But with time management, what I've read today is that you have to schedule out the time you have to like block out the time you want to spend on me time on personal time, you have to buffer in your schedule. So you have time between activities, and you're not overbooking yourself, which I do all the time. Like I'm always late to zoom meetings that that I scheduled. I'm late to meet up with a friend. I'm late to going on a walk with Joseph like I'm late to everything. So I'm trying to not be that way and it is hard to change your behavior. But it's all about replacing bad habits with good habits. So wish me luck in this journey. If you or someone you know is good at time management and you know scheduling in time to relax, which I know I am aware sounds very oxymoronic. But I need help with these things. If you know how to do time management, well, email me. Let me know the secret. I will share it with the listeners so we can all learn. I think we can all benefit from some time management skills. Email me at Therapy Roulette, one word@gmail.com Therapy roulette @gmail.com I want to hear from you. Even if you just write me a weird, you know, ransom note poem. Shakespearean monologue write me an email, I'd love to read it. In today's episode, I interview, a guest who she has schizoaffective disorder, which is a mental illness that can affect your thoughts, mood and behavior. It tends to involve symptoms of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I know I had not really heard of Schizoaffective too much in the past. So talking to her was a learning experience for me the symptoms of bipolar and schizophrenia, they could be mania, depression and psychosis, roughly one in 200 people will develop schizoaffective disorder at some point during their life. It tends to develop in early adulthood, and it's more common in women than in men. And that data is from rethink.org. And I'll link that in the show notes. Another good resource that's also mentioned there is hearing dash voices.org. It's good for learning more about schizoaffective disorder. And I'll link that in the show notes as well. To see the show notes. You scroll down. If you're on the apple podcast app, if you scroll down, you can see all the notes I write I just write like a little summary of the episode, my social media stuff and anything I'm linking to like these educational resources. And I only know how it works on Apple podcasts, they usually use that platform. But if you're on Spotify, or a different platform, just click around and you'll find the show notes. I believe in you. Today's guest is Jamie Chaifetz. She is a comedian who focuses her creative energies on her mental health web series effectivelyschizo. she writes she acts she does logistics. She also takes improv and sketch classes at the UCB and plays guitar and sings on Instagram, multi talented, she also loves a good sunset and never got over the bubble tea phase from college. I mean, who wants to get over the bubble tea phase? I'd like to welcome to the podcast, Jamie Chaifetz.

Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy 

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent. I'm here with Jaime Chaifetz. Jamie, how's it going? How's your mood right now?

Uh it's going pretty good. Just kind of settling into the evening and a feeling you know, pretty normal.

Yeah, cuz you're on East Coast time. So it's the start of evening for you.

Yeah, it's it's literally five o'clock. And it's dark out. It's it's like it's pitch black. So not too fun. But we'll deal with it for the for the winter.

Is that weird to you? The fact that it gets dark so early, and it's like totally. No lights pitch black, no glimmer of sunlight.

Yeah, it's weird. Because when I used to work in an office, when in my office that I'm still working in the same company. I just leave every day and during the winter it'd be pitch black, and I got used to it. And now it's like, I'm working from home and I see the sunset. I'm like, Oh, I could go outside. But I'm working till five. So 

yeah. 

And so it's like, yeah, it's just so a weird concept. I don't even get to be outdoors at all during the week.

It is strange, because you lose the whole day. And then when it's complete nighttime when you get out of work for the day. It's like, Oh, I feel like I've missed my life today. I just was working. Yeah,

I don't know what happened. I know. Yeah. It's like, if I get out at lunch for a walk, it's like amazing. I'm like, wow, this is what people see. Like this is. Yeah, I'm not experiencing this. So I'm definitely miss. You know, I should probably go on some more afternoon walks and, you know, take advantage of that.

Yeah, I feel like you have to break up your workday a little bit. Because otherwise, I think working from home, we tend we tend I know I do tend to work too much. So it's like I'm really in my headspace. And I'm missing sunlight, vitamin D, you know, happiness outside.

The feeling of fulfillment after a day is done. We just don't get that anymore. No, it's

been taken from us. Yeah.

Um, not to not to negate at all the fact that I'm grateful for remote work, but yeah,

yeah, grateful. But you're allowed to complain on this podcast. So feel free to Okay.

Great. That's, that's like my therapy session. So it's great.

Yeah, that's what we're here for. Are you in therapy right now in the present day?

Yeah. So I see my therapist every week. We we use like a her, you know, Doctor video chats or whatever they're called. And so we talk either that or on the phone every week. And I had been see I've been seeing her for about, like, four years or five years. And I was actually for the last even before COVID I started I was mostly just talking to on the phone and sometimes FaceTime because I was just getting really busy and she's like an hour away. So that was a long answer to your question.

Yeah, no, it's helpful because I wonder how people are doing therapy in the time of COVID. Like if they're sticking with it. And I think I feel like most people are doing virtual sessions too. So do you think it's helpful, like equally helpful to do a phone call or a FaceTime? Yeah, I

guess I got so used to doing the phone calls and stuff occasional FaceTime before COVID that I, it seems kind of the same to me. Now. Um, it's always nice to go in person and get that like that feeling out. It's just a different feeling. When you go in person, it's much more like powerful and can be more, I don't know, real. But at the same time, it's when you're on the phone, it's kind of like you're blocking out all the the visual stimulus, and you're just focusing on the words that you're saying. So it's kind of like, makes it more on your shoulders to like, take, you know, take the messages, and I don't know, I can't explain it very well. I don't know if that was a good explanation. But yeah,

I get it because I I've done like one phone call with a therapist once and I was like, This is good. But yes, it's kind of feels like you're missing a part of it.

Yeah, there's definitely that that piece that's missing. But I guess, you know, we have the FaceTime, we have like her doxy and VC. They're like these apps that that therapists use. So those have been good.

It's hard to because we're probably I don't know, if you're getting more tired of like, FaceTime in general. Like, it's like, oh, do I have to keep my eyes open for another conversation?

I know, I'm getting zoom fatigue. Like I've been getting it for months. Probably since like, May. Yeah. But But yeah, I mean, it's I guess it's different with her because I don't know it just because like she's very she pays attention really well. So like, it makes me very engaged. I don't know. Like, it's probably different for different people, but it's better than just a FaceTime chat. It's like different.

Yeah, that's good. I'm glad she's a good therapist.

Yeah, I definitely lucked out finding her. I had some pretty weird therapist before this. Yeah.

It's hard to find someone you trust who can like do the long term therapy relationship with

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I she definitely like, calls me out on narcissism call me I feel like a lot people say that term. I don't think she calls me out. But like, she will Dubuque. My sometimes thoughts that are that she doesn't agree with and for rightfully so. Yeah, there's just so many different things. So I yeah, very, very happy with it.

How did you find this therapist?

Uh, actually, so it's through a family friends friend, a fit. Okay, so it's my stepdads brother's wife's colleague. Okay. But Joe, not related to you. Not related to me not related to even my stepdads brother's wife, but they're just friends. So it's a friend of my stepdad, my guess.

Okay. There's like, a complicated lineage.

Yeah, exactly. It's like a six. What is that six degrees of separation with Kevin Bacon? Yeah, kind of thing? I think so. That kind of situation.

She was like, recommended to you through a family members, friends colleague.

Yeah. Recommended. Yeah, I was. It's funny because like, I actually was seeing this therapist that I don't know, he was good for the time. He was kind of like a grandpa for me. Like, he would just tell me funny jokes and like, like, he would he kind of just like entertained me and would be like, Oh, you're not really having any issues. Are you? that's just that's just like in your past like, Yeah, he was weird. But yeah, I actually saw an episode of Did you ever see lost back in the day? Now? I haven't watched loss. You said you haven't watched it

now? I should. I should watch it. Haven't seen it?

Yeah, I mean, I saw it like years after this was like 2016 or so I watched it it was probably aired in like 2008 but I watched it and there was like a scene where I'm not like giving anything away. So there's no spoilers but this has been

out for so long. I can't make you

I think we're past that. It's like, Yeah, but um, so there was this one woman who was like severely traumatized and was like hallucinating and and there was a doctor who was on on the island with them. And he's like, he sat her down very calmly, was like, Look, you're having hallucinations. This is a normal reaction to like, what you've been what you've gone through you need to get some help for this, you know, talk about your feelings and get help because you're having some issues and that kind of like, just that one moment of it's it's literally probably like a 32nd scene, but it like stuck with me for some reason. I was like, made me feel like, because we'll probably talk about my my diagnosis later. Schizoaffective but it made me feel like yeah, this is just like a diagnosis because of something happening in my brain. Like, I should probably get better help and what I'm getting now Yeah, so that yeah, it's silly, but That's kind of how I that's what inspired me to get a better therapist. Then there's the regular

that episode of loss inspired you. Sad? That's interesting because I, I didn't plan to talk about it today. But I've been thinking more about like how therapy is portrayed in television or the media in general. And the way we see people going to like a psychologist or a therapist on TV, that's how we like imagine it'll happen in real life. And then it does, hopefully, motivate you to go like chase that and pursue it for yourself.

Yeah, it's, it's interesting, like the a lot of the, what I mean, I don't know, I just have a, I guess I have some problems and some kind of feel feel sort of some sort of way about, like, the way it's portrayed on media because, like, it's always so negative and so serious, and like, that's important, too. And, like, I talked to my therapist about my denial of negative emotion. But um, it's like, you need some light. You need some like, laughter You need some? I don't know. Maybe I'm just like,

you need a little bit of humor. Yeah. No, I feel like like, cuz you're in comedy. I'm in comedy. We both like think you have to make things accessible. Otherwise, people are not gonna seek them out for themselves.

Yeah, yeah. Just I don't know. I mean, there could be there's, there's, there's room for everything in therapy. There's room for sad moments and tears and heavy things. But then you can also like, talk displayed in a way that's not so serious, I guess. What's that show with Larry David Curb Your Enthusiasm. He kind of like, shows a little humor aside to his neuroses and, and therapies. I guess that's that's one different portrayal of it. But

yeah, I feel like Larry David, his show is more like, ah, I feel like he just comes off as an asshole most of the time. And he's like, I'm gonna keep living about my day. And you know, hope hopefully, I get through Los Angeles as a famous, you know, rich person.

Yeah. Really weird show.

There's not a huge message of takeaway for me most of the time, but it is. It's like a good lens that he gives us.

Yeah, yeah, he's he's a funny character, very neurotic. And sometimes it's like too much for me. But sometimes I can appreciate it. So same.

Yeah, sometimes they get too uncomfortable watching curb or I'm like, I don't, I don't need to put myself through this.

Yeah, it's like this. This feels like just all awkward, like a big awkward bubble. And you're like, why did why do you want to live like that? Like, he does? It's just the way his brain works, I guess. I don't know.

Yeah. I, I feel like the way I see therapy and TV, a lot of it's like, the therapist is very serious. And then that patient is like going through some real shit. And comes off as crazy because the serious therapist is like, Don't you realize like, your husband is abusing you. Or like, you know, your boyfriend cheating on you. Like she gives you like, all these facts. And then the character has the patience. Like, you're I don't know what you're talking about. Like it's such a weird, exaggerated, like they make up seem so like, not cohesive at all. Most of the time.

Yeah. Yeah. It's always a challenge. It's like they're trying to get something out of you like goodwill hunting. I feel like I'm just referencing more and more ease about anything but yeah, like,

I'm thinking of like insecure Big Little Lies like these very, like, stoic therapists and these like women going through real shit on the couch.

Yeah, but I still haven't seen him secure. And I really want to see it. I hear it's amazing.

Oh, it's so good. I'm behind. I should catch up. But it's a great series. One of the best I've seen recently. I have to watch it. Yeah, very funny. Real shed a lot of like, relationship stuff that they deal with.

That's awesome. Yeah. I like that kind of thing. It seems like it was real, but then also, like, cut a silly side.

Yeah. And I feel like we're it's fine that we're indulging in TV talk cuz you're a creator and you have a web series. So it totally makes sense.

I guess cuz like, I'm not used to watching so much like TV. I'm not a TV person gonna absorb that much content and more like Instagram or whatever. But like, lately, I've just been like, after work and like, let's just watch TV for like two hours. Like that's not a it's a weird it's so weird.

Yeah, I don't watch it. Like, I feel like I usually don't watch a lot of TV either. But living with my boyfriend and quarantine. he consumes a lot of TV. So I've been watching more TV with him and trying to watch shows together. But in my old life, I would watch like an episode a week have something good and be like, Oh, that's plenty of television.

Yeah.

Oh my God, my Yes.

Gotta get my sleep. Honestly, like nobody else understands that. Like, I just don't I'm not a TV person. Like I once Yeah, like you said, like, once a week is great. Like, that's my ketchup. But yeah, I

just don't have time for it. Especially if I'm making my own stuff. If I'm making the podcast and I'm trying to like work on something creative. How do I have time to like, sit back and like, focus on something for an hour uninterrupted?

Right. It's like, it seems like wasted time to me, but now it is really a waste of time. spending all this time, but I know me. I'm learning life lessons. Who knows?

I think that's just how they keep us content as a culture. They're like, watch the TV.

Yeah, go go pacify us. You

know, your life is great.

Yeah, exactly.

No love art. We should keep making TV. Right? Yeah. Um, let's talk about Yeah, I have one more question about therapy. How do you pay for therapy?

So I used to pay when I went to that bad therapist. For that guy. The Grandpa, the Brit? Yeah, the grandpa. Oh, I wish I could say his name because it's funny, but I will. But um, he was like, wow, the alias like, doctor. I don't even want to go there. Because it's gonna sound really similar. It is okay. But I'm Dr. Grandpa, Dr. Grandpa, he was very affordable. Should I say numbers? Or should I stay away from numbers? Um,

it's whenever you feel comfortable with I was just wondering if you like pay out of pocket. I think he said you mostly pay out of pocket or if you go through insurance?

Yeah, for him. I went through insurance. And it was like a reasonable amount a week less than 50. It was probably like in the 30s a week. But the new therapist that I found is like, I don't know, it was just she just doesn't take insurance for whatever reason. So I have to pay out of pocket, which really sucks. But she works with me, you know, to like negotiate rate of rate and like, it's, it's doable. So I just pay for it. Myself, and it's takes up all my money.

Yeah. Which sucks. I mean, I mostly have done that in the past to paying out of pocket I think because a lot of my first early therapists were like, you don't want this on your record, like, you got to really think about, like, if you're paying with insurance, I guess they like give the same spiel to everyone. But it scared me enough that I was like, I'll pay out of pocket. Okay.

That's so interesting. I didn't even consider that for to be a reason to go out of pocket. I just she just doesn't take insurance because she just doesn't. I don't know why. But

I think it's more so like, it could be a pre existing condition and all that stuff. Although hopefully we're progressing away from that. But for now, that's like something to consider.

Yeah, yeah. That's that's kind of crazy. Um, I never thought of that.

Yeah. For I mean, for now, I've stopped worrying about it. But when I first started therapy, I was like, Oh, my God, what if I run for president? I don't want people to know.

All my Yeah, my history like didn't didn't george bush do like cocaine or something? So

I think every president Yeah. Every presidents like yeah, I've done cocaine.

Yeah, that's like, the only acceptable it's like, you can smoke weed and drink and do cocaine, but I like it like heroin. No. Well, so

far, but now that we've had Trump who is like a sexual what's,

you know, predator

violates women sexual predator? You know, he's the worst of the worst. I think we could all do coqueta more from now on.

Okay. Plus,

for sure. So I'm not worried about my history, or whatever. The doctors tried to tell me. Yeah, yeah. And then you have a diagnosis of Schizoaffective. Correct.

Yeah. Yeah. So I should I talk about that.

Yeah. Tell us. I don't know. Like, what what is that for people who have never heard of it?

Yeah. So this is I just gave you the spiel. But Schizoaffective is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar. For me, the manic type. I don't really, sometimes I had gotten manic in the past that huge for me, but I guess they have to give you one over the other and I wasn't really depressed. So they gave me that,

like, they have to diagnose you as one.

I guess. I don't know. Maybe they don't. But they they gave me that. So maybe I did get manic I don't. I didn't I don't really have a lot. It's more of the the hallucinations and stuff is what kind of was more in my bag of tricks

for the elements of schizophrenia than bipolar. Yeah, yeah.

I did have some mood stuff. But it was I guess it's maybe a little easier to manage the mood stabilizing things with medication. So I don't know. I mean, I maybe that's why it didn't affect me as much at post being diagnosed when. But yeah, I don't know. But so yeah, I was diagnosed in 2012. I was hospitalized. I didn't know what was going on. I was totally a crazy time in life. But basically, what happened to me and the symptoms I had was that I would have hallucinations like delusional thinking, meaning that you know, you think that people have like superpowers or the TV's talking to you, or that people are like switching bodies in front of you like shape shifting. And then also there's like voices, and was last one. I forgot about paranoia. There you go. Okay. Forget about that.

Yeah, the increased paranoia that like someone's after you or like out to get you.

Yeah, or that, like, the Nazis are coming. I don't know i'm doing i get i get those like a train goes by and you think of the Holocaust or something

okay crazy where you're like thinking this train is out to get me like it's even though it's just a train running or Yeah, it's

it's weird. Um, I, I will talk more about my Lyme diagnosis later I guess we can talk about how the medication has been helping my Schizoaffective Yeah, so it's less and less these days, which is amazing. But like, I have a train that goes by my house, you might hear it during this this talk. And like, I would rationally be like, Okay, I know that's a train I know. Like I know it's just a train taking people commuters to where they got to go. And then yet I would like have this like, mind thought bubble that would be like, like a flashback almost to like a story that I've heard of the Holocaust, or like someone getting round up in a train and like, it would make them feel very real. But like, I knew it wasn't real. It's like a strange thing. It's very strange.

Yeah. Is that something that you experienced? Like, totally just going about your day? Like, you're you're, you're sober, you're like, healthy, and then you just would hallucinate?

Yeah, yeah, basically, um, there's things that like, you know, there's the triggers of like, if you watch a movie, and there's like ghosts, you know, then that could definitely trigger some thoughts. But yeah, I would just be like, throughout the day, like, especially a lot of times, actually, when I went to therapy, I'd get symptoms, because it would be bringing up these conversations. And like, normal day, I don't think about stuff I try to, like, block it out of my mind. So yeah, especially in therapy, I would get a lot of like hallucinations, like light, like light hallucinations, like where the lights were so bright. And it would just feel like a flash of light in my face. So that was always a challenge. But yeah, like a there's a thing called illusions. And I would get a lot of those, and I still get them. And so when you it's kind of like when you look at the clouds. I don't know if you watch this the the web series, but like, in the beginning, he was like, the doctor was like, you know, illusions are basically like when people look at the clouds, and they see like a dog or a funny character. Like I see that. But I see it without the clouds. It's like, yeah, in the carpet or on the ceiling.

You're talking about your web series. Effectively, skits. Oh,

yeah, sorry. I should have

no every watch the pilot episode actually just like, put it fresh in my mind. And that's how it starts with you and a psychiatrist. Yeah. Yeah. And he's asking you like, what your symptoms are?

Yeah, yeah. And he's basically he says, A will give me an example of a hallucination. And I'm like, I look at the door behind him. I said, Well, that that over there looks kind of like a face of a monkey. And he's like, well, that's actually not a hallucination, because it's something that's physically there. Like there's a, an outline of an eyeball, you know, in a mouth, but like, only I would only people that might have this, this disease might interpret it that way. So it's not like a ghost or something coming out of nowhere. It's more like, you know, you're looking at the floor, and you see the tiles and they kind of look like a face. Yeah, like pops up. It pops out a little bit.

And the correct term is illusion.

That's what he told me so I don't he said I was having illusions. Okay, I call them like a loot illusion attacks when I get a lot of illusions at once. And it's overwhelming.

Because it's confusing, because it sounds similar to a hallucination where you're seeing something that's not there. But I guess maybe a hallucination is more vivid or more like tangible in your mind. Yeah, I

guess the best way to describe it would be like, when you're seeing something that is within, I don't know how to say this, like, it's in the air, but it's like, literally, none of it is physically present in your physical space. Yeah, but an illusion illusion is something that if you pointed out to someone they could understand and see what you're talking about

more like a cloud shape or something.

Yeah, yeah. And it's sometimes it takes on a scary meaning. So that's what makes it an illusion, rather than just like a person having a weird thought.

Yeah. It's like a Rorschach type of test.

Yeah, kind of like that. Yeah. So yeah. So it can be a little weird when you get a lot of them but it's,

when did you see you got diagnosed in 2012? How old were you then?

I was 23, I believe. Yeah. Did it take so yeah, I

was it was like a dramatic diagnosis, because you mentioned Didn't you mentioned like going to the hospital?

Yeah, it was very dramatic. I got I went into an ambulance to get into the I mean, I basically got I was at my uncle's house and his lake house up in Massachusetts and I took a bus back from from him, I was having like crazy hallucinations and paranoia and delusional thinking the whole weekend. And I didn't know what was going on because I thought it was real because like, I guess when you are just going through life, you think it's kind of like a weird thought. But you think everything is real? Because you're going through it. Yeah. But like when something delusional happens, do you also think it's real?

Well, especially continue? It's in your minds? Like you're seeing this the whole time?

Yeah. Yeah. And it's makes perfect sense. It's like, of course, someone sacrificing. You know, in the fire, that's, you know, like, you're their name is like, all of a sudden, I would see people's names in the fire. And I would be like, they're being sacrificed or something weird, you know, like, it just, I saw their names and it looks appear that way. And it made perfect sense to me. So it's like, of course that's happening. And you know, there's there's magic in the world. It kind of is like magical thinking, I guess you could say. Yeah, but I'll just yeah, so we

added like the Long's sounds like a horror horror movie you're describing.

Honestly, yeah, it was. It's like, honestly, this was like a horror movie. But you don't know. It's a horror movie. Until you're out of it. Yeah. You think it's normal? You think everything is? is just weird. But like, when you're out of it, you're like, Oh, my gosh, I can't believe that happened to me. Like, how did he go through that? How did that even make sense in my brain? But yeah, so I was at his house, and I took a bus back to Jersey, and I ended up in New York. And I got off the bus in New York. And I thought, I don't know how deep we want to go and all these illusions and stuff. Yeah, I thought that like, the Israeli army was coming after me. And so I like got off the bus and I got lost in New York, and ended up following a guy.

You're alone this whole time. You were on that bus.

I was alone. Yeah, yeah, I was on the bus alone. And I probably definitely shouldn't have been on the bus. I should read in a hospital at the time or just getting medicated. But I followed a guy back to you didn't I? He didn't know I was falling him. But I thought he was talking to me. This that makes me sound absolutely crazy. But I thought he was like talking to me through the way he was walking. And

I man That sounds very believable in New York City.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Like I thought he was like giving me code. So I went back. I actually entered his building. I don't know how I got it. There were security guards. And I went, he didn't. He didn't know I was even there. And then all of a sudden, he like, opens his door and I'm in the apartment. hallway. And he just looks at me and i and i said i don't even read. I said to him, we can't remember. But he just like Close the door. I mean, then I was like, Oh, I guess I should leave. But I still was like in that weird state of mind. So anyway, long story short, I went back home and my mom knew something was wrong with me. I was living with my mom at the time after college, and she took me to the hospital. And I had to get an ambulance over to the psych hospital.

And then diagnosis and medication after that.

Yeah, basically. Yeah.

I'm glad you see. made it back home to Jersey said.

Yes. Okay. My mom had to pick me up from New York. Okay. Because I got lost I got scared.

Yeah, that's scary. For sure. Especially, because like if you if you're not super familiar with New York City, it can be overwhelming. Following the stranger into his building. Probably not a great idea.

Such a bad idea. This Yeah, I haven't honestly haven't talked about this. Maybe ever with anybody. So I mean, my mom knew about it. But yeah,

it's not like it was to nothing bad happen. But

thank God no. Yeah, I mean, I gave my money away to this rest this this server to restaurant gave him like 80 or 90 bucks. that I had, because I we won't go into that. I gave it to him. But you lost 80 bucks that day. Yeah, yeah, it was. I think it was my uncle's money that he gave me that was the worst thing that happened. So I all know nothing bad happened.

Okay, but you voluntarily gave it to them. So it could it could have been worse.

Luck could have been much

worse. Yeah. Um, when you were growing up, did you have any, like, signs that you might have this diagnosis? Or like, how was your childhood was like weird from what you think in normal childhood would be quote unquote, normal.

I'm honestly I'm going to be really lame. Todd was great.

That's awesome.

I had a very normal, loving, fun, childhood. I guess. Things didn't get weird in my brain until I was about 18. When I went to college, I went to college and Florida State but I lived in Spain my first year. So some people think the trauma of like living abroad kind of caused the symptoms to come out. But yeah, I I had no issues with my past I that part. I loved it.

Why did you live in Spain for the first year because that seems unusual.

Yeah, it was unusual. It was a probe. It was a program that Florida State. I originally applied to Florida State for their phone. program didn't end up going to their film school. But I was in I was sorry, I was looking at the school with my mom and they had a study abroad table. And they asked basically asked me two questions. They're like, Are you out of state? And are you an incoming freshman? And I said yes to both of them. He's like, we got this program, where you can go abroad your first year for 11 months, or 12 or 11 months or whatever, and then get in state Florida tuition. Which was super cheap. And I wanted to travel anyway, it wasn't the money that was making me do it. But I so yeah, I traveled to Spain my first year and studied at their campus in Valencia.

That's hard to turn down and someone offers you that and you're like, fresh out of high school.

Exactly. Yeah. That's it sounded like a dream. So.

So what if you if you want to share what trauma? Did you experience in Spain? Or like, what what do you think brought out the Schizoaffective?

Well, do you want me to talk about like the Lyme stuff, because it kind of sure kind of relates, but

yeah, I guess you have Lyme disease, also, whatever you feel like talking about?

Yeah, I mean, Well, okay, so I got one diagnosed one disease recently, and they basically have been telling me that I could have had Lyme since I was like, 10 when I got bit by a tech. So they say like, it can be dormant in your system for the East Coast. Yours east coast. Yeah, coast. Yeah, I would play in my backyard. We had like a lot of trees in the backyard, I would play in the grass, I would go into the forest with my friends. And drink, whatever. So yeah, so anyway, the lime thing has been, like revolutionary in my mind, but I don't want to like negate the fact that I've had these, you know, experiences with mental illness, but because the lives of you, so

yeah, symptoms of blindly have to do with like, cognitive function, don't they? Um, we say that again, doesn't Lyme disease, like affect your cognitive function? Or it affects like thinking clearly, and brain fog and stuff like that? Yeah, it can

definitely like a lot of people get brain fog on it. Um, I didn't know that people could get schizophrenia with Lyme disease. I hadn't. I was unaware. I

didn't know. They don't tell you anything about schizophrenia. They like give you a little blurb and health class psychology is like a chapter. They don't really delve into it.

Yeah, cuz it's kind of scary. I guess they don't want to like freak people out. I don't know why they don't talk about it. I guess it's not as common as other things.

Get because I was reading about Schizoaffective. And like the percentage of people overall, it's really low. But then also like, how do we know if no one's getting proper diagnosis?

Yeah, I mean, you can look at any, any homeless population, and there's going to be a greater chance of a lot of them having illnesses that are not taking care of because they, they got kicked out of their family's houses, or they developed it from like malnutrition. I don't even know what they're, that's a traumatic experience being homeless. So there's a lot of people out there, yeah, that are undiagnosed. I mean, I was having problems from 18 to 23. And I wasn't diagnosed all those years. So

yeah, and those are kind of shitty years anyway, cuz you're like, figuring out where you're going to be for college. And like, what your life is like, what your morals and ethics are, like, that's a big development year anyway, big development period.

Yeah, they say that I've heard this from friends, but like, people who are over the age of 25 have lesser chance of going through like a psychotic break. So it's like, once you get to 25, you're kind of in the clear, because it generally happens like from 18 to 25. Because I guess it is traumatic to be like ripped from your family home and you're just don't have that support that you always had.

Yeah. And you're not a full person until you're like 25. Like your brain. Your brain is still developing.

Yeah, yeah, it's a Yeah.

Because I know I did a semester abroad as a junior in college in England. And I remember choosing England so I was like, oh, it seems safe like I speak English. I feel like I won't have I won't have to learn a language and it seems like the easiest option and then I was like super depressed most of my time there just because I was away from home and I never like missed my family so much. I was like totally thrown off with how homesick I was the whole time

yeah it's it's weird. Yeah, because I think I mean, I guess everyone is a little bit crazy to begin with, but I was a little more crazy to go to a place where I didn't even speak the language. That was like a normal crazy I think because like there's there's crazy crazy and others like acceptable crazy, but yeah, just being like no, I didn't

young and optimistic and a little stupid.

Yeah.

Like I could do like traveling.

Yeah, I honestly didn't get I think I got home sick one day out of the 11 months that I was there. I think I'm July 4, because I really liked being with my family. Then. But I can understand. I don't know, I think I was just naive. That's why I didn't get scared. But I think that, that maybe the trauma of just I don't know if it's trauma, but just like the experience of going abroad was just brought out like, psych. I don't know the word not psychedelic, but just like, fantasy kind of things in my mind. Mm hmm. Well turned out to be kind of like, symptoms, like first level symptoms,

because Did you also go alone abroad? Like you weren't there with friends or anyone you knew?

Yeah, I there was only four freshmen there. And everyone else was like the juniors and seniors. So it was they had their friends already that they were coming in with or they were already, like, established. And we were kind of like, uh, yeah, we didn't really know what was going on, because it

can be weird. When I was abroad, I had like, I made friends from the college I came from in New York, but then they they were still like new people to me. So I still felt like very alone. I was living with British people. And they were all younger than me. They were freshmen. I was a junior. So I felt like super isolated the whole time, even though I could have spoken English and made new friends and hung out with people for my college more, but I just didn't know what to do. And I felt like all I had was Netflix and the Russian literature I was assigned to read at the time.

Oh, my gosh, Russian literature. Sounds interesting.

Yeah, it was not holy.

I was gonna ask you a question. So why were Why were they giving you like, freshmen to live with? Why wouldn't they have it? Doesn't that seem like? I don't know. That seems like isolating right there.

Yeah, it was weird. Because in England, everyone seems both younger. And I think they seemed younger, just because they were freshmen. But they seemed also older, because they would they had like been drinking alcohol for longer. So they could like start drinking their whiskey in the middle of the day. And like continuing to the night.

I was like, I

don't know if I could like hang with you guys. And then I just yeah, there was a divide between age and also me not being good at like making new friends. I just felt like really alone in that dorm room. And I think they just stuck us there because they were like, Oh, the freshmen live on campus. The international students. You live on campus too. And there was no like upperclassmen really living on campus that, that we were like, put into their buildings. We were just put with the new freshmen.

Yeah, that seems like a recipe for not good. Just to like, have that age difference. It just seems like, I don't know. That's difficult.

Yeah, I think if I had been a more developed person at the time, so also like, 20 I could have just been like, what is it doesn't matter that kids are younger than me, I could have made friends. But I didn't have those tools at the time or like no enough. So I just retreated into my dorm room. Like, could have enjoyed England a lot more. If I had, like, just left the dorm room more often. Yeah, yeah.

But you know, England's all rainy anyway. So

yeah, I was like, whatever. But you were fine in Spain for 11 months, and then you came home? And didn't Did you have like a slight feeling that something might be off about you? Or did you feel normal?

Um, I just thought I was evolving my purse who I was a person you know, becoming more I became very religious, but like, not in a religious way. But in my own way.

Like very I'm just Jewish, are very, like spiritual. Yeah.

I'm like, on a Jewish and but I would just like read the Bible. And then like, I would read like the Christian Bible and the Jewish Bible, like the Christian parts of it. I don't know. And I would just like, it wouldn't be a community religious thing. It was more like an internal religious thing.

Mm hmm.

Some people say that, like, I know one woman whose son has like schizo of something. She says, Every time my son is going through a relapse, he picks up the Bible and starts reading it. So a lot of people have like religious delusions, it's very common for whatever reason, I don't know why. I guess

it's it could be comforting that it's like an old story to like, you, you know it a decent amount and you can always go back to it's not going to change.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it was. Maybe it's like, I don't know. It just it's a lot of like, right and wrong. And that made sense to me at the time and like, ways to live and they, I don't know if there's like a real reason why people who get psychosis often get religious, like delusions of the unknown. I've had doctors say they don't know why it happens either. So

I'm in the web series that the pilot episode, there's a lot of like, you run into people you know, and telling them you have schizoaffective disorder. Do you do that in real life? Do you like come on Come out to people as like having Schizoaffective? Or do Is there like a certain point in a friendship where you like tell people?

Yeah, it's mostly like I told my and it doesn't exactly happen, how that how it did in the web series. But it's funny because the web series has been the cause of many people finding out that I have it, I'm sure. In turn, obviously, it's in turn, created that situation for me. Because that has actually happened when I ran into a friend at the psychiatrist's office, like I ran to her, and I thought she worked there because I was like, Well, she's a normal person. Why would she go to the like, like, I address and I thought she was like a worker. And then she's like, Oh, yeah, I go here. I see. Dr. so and so. So yeah, it's just that paranoia for there's like a normal paranoia. Like, Oh, my gosh, I'm seeing someone at this like high interest office.

Yeah. Or in the Yeah, in the West. It's like, yeah, high school connection, or like someone you know, from your hometown?

Yes, yes. She, that's not true. That was just that was made up because I wanted to have like, a, someone that I could, like, grow with the series with and I wanted us to have like a, I don't know, I don't know why I just felt like a high school friend would be fun to have, like, rekindle that connection. And like, go on adventures together and stuff like that.

Yeah. Because to me, that's terrifying that someone from my hometown could like, know more about me and then like, know, something so personal about me, even though like you said, it's like gonna come out eventually. Especially if I'm pursuing entertainment. But then like, the visual of seeing someone in a psychologists office. My Oh, no. It made me nervous. Yeah.

Sorry. I didn't intend on doing like a full fledged. Curb Your Enthusiasm? Oh, no. It's

good to make people feel something. Yeah, I

guess. Yeah, I don't know. But fortunately,

you tell your close friends, you're saying?

Yeah, I've told my I've like, had to come out to them exactly. Like I had to be like, I have this illness. And I haven't told you about it for years. Like, it's like, well, most of my friends like I had no idea. And it's like, That's nice of them. You know, it's like sweet, but at the same time, it's like, yeah, I've had it. I've been struggling with it. And it's not anything that bad.

Yeah. It's also not widely known what it is like, I've had one friend tell me their Schizoaffective. And I was like, oh, whatever. Like, Pope, you're getting help. Like, I didn't know what to make of it. But yeah, I think to them, it was like a big thing to get off their chest. They were like, I don't know how people are gonna take this.

So yes, you exactly. You

worry about the connotations, probably.

Yeah, it's like, are people gonna think I'm some crazy person that like, belongs in like a mental Institute? Like, are they gonna treat me any differently? For all of my friends, actually, the answer was no, they're not treating me the same. Yeah. But I think some people the initial shock was kind of like, Oh, that's kind of weird that you have some people not all.

Yeah, but I think overall, it makes you a bigger person and be like, honest about it. And also tell people like I'm on a trajectory to like learning how to manage it, whereas a lot of other people might not be that kind of person.

I guess. Yeah. It's taken me a long time. It's there's many therapy sessions I've had with my current therapist of like, I don't want to have this I wish I didn't have it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want anyone to know, like, nobody can know. And now now like, I don't know, it's it's a full circle. I guess.

It's good cuz you're normalizing it.

That's what we're hoping to do. So.

Did anything weird happened that day when you got the diagnosis like I your uncle's house.

I'm trying to think I got while I was in the hospital overnight at the regular hospital. And then they were giving my parents some, they said something like, it sounds like you have forgot what they said something like psychosis and you're having delusional thought processes. And I was I was so out of it that I didn't know what was going on. I thought that they were I thought they were telling me I had like magical powers. Yeah. So I didn't click in until like, probably a month later when I was out of the hospital. Hmm.

So it's probably like your memories. Not clear of that time anyway. Definitely.

Yeah. And I and that that was just probably I was so drugged up and I don't know, one night and there's like crazy things that happened. Like I don't even know what's true and what's not sometimes because I know for sure, one night and I don't want to like this could be like a trigger warning of like, trauma or whatever. But I was like in bed and mental hospital and a bunch of people like big man came in and held me down and shot me was something I don't know what it was. But I was like freaking out and I was like so traumatic to have that experience. But like now I'd like that I think about I'm like, what was I doing something wrong was I paid in the hallways as I screaming I don't know. I don't remember.

Like, you just remember that. People like shooting you up with something.

Yeah, I

think they like shot me in the butt. Like I think I had to turn over they turned me over or something and held me down my legs It was so it's like very, it was like really horrible, but I don't want to like minimize it. But I also, maybe there was a reason, but that's probably not the best way to go about it with someone who's not in the right state of mind.

Yeah, hopefully there's a reason. I'm hoping they were just like, do a routine thing.

Right? They would just want to like, give me a vaccine.

It's scary. It's scary to not have that memory of like, why or no one was there with you to like, no.

Yeah, there was a roommate, but I would know that person is.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm sure it's just like a weird, like, flashback to go back to now. But I'm sure like you were saying there was a reason for it if you were in a good hospital.

Yeah, I guess it was a good hospital. But, but the best available? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They they didn't have a lot of beds from some of them. But whatever. I don't, I don't know. I feel like I'm talking a lot about my trauma parts. experience. I, I can I can curb that a little bit if we want.

Well, I was just asking you like, how did it all start? So I will take away the trauma part as best I can.

Well, man, it's like I don't mind

what made you decide to make a web series in the first place.

Um, I guess I've for a while had been wanting to do like some I was in film, like film and TV kind of related stuff in high school. And I kind of wanted to get back into it after college. And after I was started to get back into it in my career, like at my job, I was transiting transitioning from like customer service until like, helping them with their media department. But I wanted to do something on my own. And I wanted to like, I had this kind of vision of like, doing shorts, like, I guess like maybe two to five minute short web series about like, just making fun of people who have mental illnesses, like, I don't know, I just thought I thought it would be a fun way to bring it out. And just taught me something interesting. And people might could learn from, but then I brought the idea to my friend who's like a, he's like a film director. And Asbury, New Jersey. And he was like, write the script, like, do it like start it up. And so it became more of a a longer process. Like it was like a it's the first episode is like, 19 minutes long. So yeah, it it transformed, I guess you could say,

and then you put that out last year, was it?

Yeah. Last November was the release November 20. I think we released a small indie theater in Jersey. That's cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

And then you were saying productions kind of been stalled because of COVID.

Yeah, we were, we were on our way to shoot we in May of last year of 2020. For our second episode, you know, we had all the actors ready, script ready, we just had to nail down a few of the locations just needed like specific dates. But yeah, we're all ready to do anything. COVID head so we've been doing some online stuff like zoom chats, like recorded zoom chats, and like, kind of web series stuff on zoom.

So I'm working with what you can with the the zoom world we're in.

Exactly.

Let's talk about the Lyme disease because Lyme disease is more of a recent diagnosis. And you You said you were first probably bit by a tick when you were 10. So what's been the trajectory of like you finding out you have Lyme and trying to get better from that?

Yeah, I Well, I found out I was diagnosed in February of 2020. So literally right before the pandemic cat. I was bent by many ticks over the years where I remember the first one was the first one was on my arm or something but then I had one of my head but I remember when I was like scratching I felt something moving. But so I've had so many tests over the years who knows how many I've had. They gave me the regular Western blot test and I came negative feedback negative even though I got the bullseye rash, which is like indicative of having lines The doctor said I didn't have Lyme, so we just kind of went forward thinking I didn't have it. And Funny enough, I think the same way meet we met which is Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. Funny enough. The girl on Instagram direct messaged me and was like, she's like I saw your web series. I saw the she was she saw a post that I had written about my story. And she's like, I think you might have Lyme disease because it sounds very similar to my story, like a very normal childhood and all of a sudden you just get crazy. And I was like, that sounds cool, but I can't really Like she told me to get tested at this place in California. It's called Isagenix. Uh huh. I wonder why California dollars? What does that

why California because I feel like I live in California. And when I thought I had Lyme disease after getting the bullseye rash last year, my doctor was like, I don't know anything about this. Go to New York and find out. Yeah,

that's no, I don't know. I think it's because they are a specific lab that deals with I don't know why they're in California. They should be in New York on these coasts. But yeah, I don't know why they just as specialized Lyme Testing Center in California, called Isagenix i g, dx, anyone wants to look them up. And anyway, they're very expensive. So I was like, I'm probably not gonna go forward with this because I'm not just gonna spend $700 on a hope or a wish. And it's not really a hope or a wish it's a disease that you don't really want to have either.

Yeah, $700 for like the basic lab tests to get diagnosed.

Yeah, basic, basic Lyme. But it's it's the call done, you know, blood I GG and you know, blood AGM. I don't know what that means. I just know that it's one of the tests that is a little bit more in like, in depth, then the western blot test that they give you at like your general practitioners office. So yeah, this girl just found me and she told me that her mom had a nonprofit, for her for people to fund people who were like me, and I was like, That is awesome. So I applied and I got the funding. So I, yeah, I just got tested. I went and got my blood and sent it off to California in February, like about a couple weeks later, my doctor called and was like, You have Lyme. And I was like, Oh my God.

That seems so it seems almost like too good to be true that that girl messaged you. Her mom had a non profit. Like it doesn't seem like it could have been a scam.

Um, yes. Yeah, I was very skeptical. At first, I was like, this sounds crazy. And I don't I don't know how I feel about this. But I, yeah, it does sound too good to be true. It sounds like a fairy tale of like, Oh, you have this horrible disease, and then you find out it's something else. And then you can get it cured. Like, what a What a wonderful thing. But and it is wonderful. And I some days I like I feel very, I've been very cheesy lately, like, in my mind, like, like, I just feel very grateful. And I that's not that I had never felt grateful. But I'm like, I'm having a relief from the psychotic symptoms. So I'm just feeling so happy about that.

Yeah, that's good. You should like latch on to that. And I would write it down somewhere and be like, I'm grateful for this today. And when you feel more shitty could go back to that be like, Oh, I was grateful on December 13.

Yeah, exactly. It's like I need I want to talk about Lyme disease in the next episodes of the web series. Because I wanted to kind of Chronicle my story that can help people. So

yeah, what relief are you finding like now you have medication for it as it like, are symptoms getting better?

Yeah, thank God. I mean, I was hesitant to talk about this, because I just, I'm in the middle of it. Yeah. So I don't know where it's gonna go. But I've like the first couple of months, I really noticed like my voices in my head just like vanished. Like, it was like, Wow, this is amazing. I didn't know what it was like to not have them till I didn't have them. And it was really very profound. I'm starting to notice less paranoia. Just overall, maybe clear. Thank you. And overall, I guess you could say, so yeah.

Do you feel comfortable telling us like what medication is helping you? Or if you don't, that's fine.

For the line, meaning

Yeah, for the line, or? I don't know anything. That's been really helpful.

Yeah, so for the line webinar, and it's biotics. So it's just that's what treats the line mostly for now. At least that's where we are. I've been on antibiotics since February. So however many months that is. So that's been great. But I would not recommend just asking your doctor for antibiotics. I don't know what you have. But that's the Yeah, so um, but then I also take like a lot of medications for the mental health stuff. I don't want to I'm like hesitant to say the medication, the main medication I take because I think people might get false hope from it. Like Yeah, that's fine for me if it worked for you, but I take a lot of stuff like NAC is one of the things I take I think that's just a normal vitamin that helps people with their thinking what's

it called?

It's an as a as a Nancy Snapple season cat and they see an acetylcysteine Okay, yeah, it's just yeah, it's something that helps like cognitively. And you

were saying with the Schizoaffective it's been more of like trial and error with For a lot of mental illness, you need medication for it's been more like, we don't know if this will work, we're gonna try it and then kind of like, you know, one step forward one step back until you find something. It's actually like clicking for you.

Yeah, yep. I took a lot of medications in the beginning when I was in the hospital and eventually, what made me kind of stabilized was just getting bombarded with like, a lot of medications at the same time, and I kind of like, slow my brain down, so but that helps. doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it didn't help at the time, but it helped me become like numb to everything. So I wasn't psychotic. And then it got me to a place where I could be normal again and like function. They the doctors explained it like you have to slow your brain down since going too fast.

Yeah, like sedate it a little bit.

Yeah, it's not a good place to be. But that that was, you know, eight years ago, so Huh, had more success with just like other drugs like anti psychotics and stuff. So

were you like, upset that you got diagnosed so late after like, probably getting bitten when you were 10?

Yep. Pretty bad. Pretty fast, but also going to be cheesy and just be like, well, plenty of people never find out they have Lyme disease maybe and they just live their lives thinking they're imbalanced, you know, in their brain and they have to take anti psychotics for the rest of their lives think it's horrible. So yeah, I'm, I'm pissed and I'm also happy.

So do you think you just got bit in your backyard or something?

Where I got that? Yeah. Yeah, the first time I think I have just been outside playing in the backyard. I think the one on my head was also playing in the backyard. We got you know, we have like, it wasn't a forest. It was like landscape trees. Yeah. But but apparently Tech's live there too. So

why here I hear people getting Lyme disease in my own like circle from Long Island or from like upstate New York. I feel like it's all over that coast, especially like woodsy areas.

Definitely. Yeah. It is. I finding I'm finding more people who are telling me they have live also, the more I talk about it, so it's not a fun thing to have for a lot of people but it for me, it gave me answers.

Yeah. And it's another hard thing to realize you have a diagnosis you're living to, like hard to diagnose things. But luckily, you're like getting help from both of them.

Yes, yeah. They're both kind of like, unknown in some ways. Yeah. There's

still so much to learn about them.

Yeah, definitely. Well,

I think I've done with my trauma questions. Do you want to spin the roulette wheel?

So yeah, that what exactly explain it to me.

To make this more of like a game type thing. I put a couple random phrases on here and then we'll spin it and see what you get.

Sounds great. It

landed on obsessed. What are you obsessed with lately?

Oh, that's weird, like obsessed with in a good way of sessile in a bad way. Just in general. It's

up for interpretation.

Offer interpretation. Okay. Okay, here's one. I am definitely obsessed with. Abbi Jacobson from Broad City and also olana I love frog.

I love both of them. I have Abby's book over there.

Oh, yeah, I have it also. Yeah, it's right there. What is it called? Like something? I should I will regret this. I might regret this.

I think it's I might regret this by Abbi Jacobson.

Yeah, she's just like, I love her.

But a lot of too. I think a lot is like, so. I admire her like being politically out there. And also she's a great stand up and they're both brilliant.

Yes, totally agree. I, yeah. I just love them too, together and separate, whatever. I think that's what inspired me to really go off to the web series because I watched a video another another video reference. Here I go. I watched a video of them getting the two of them getting interviewed by Katie Kirk. I think it was it. Amy Poehler knows Katie Kirk. And she asked them how they met. And they were like, yeah, we went to UCB. And I was like, what's the UCB? And I never had heard of it. And so I ended up looking it up that night. And like, I think maybe that night or a week later and rolling in a sketch class. And I don't know it kind of gave me validation that these people that just were starting out, like did something on their own. I found that really admirable. Yeah, they

really blew up because of like the web series they're putting out mostly, I think on gorilla Like funding themselves until Amy Poehler joined but they were just doing it themselves for a while.

Yeah, I've seen some of their original episodes. I don't know. Have you seen the ones from like before Amy Poehler do it. Like they're just like on it.

Yeah, just a couple of them saying, Yeah,

they whatever they had on youtube I saw it was like really old and like, they were like, the quality of the camera was like really bad, like very fuzzy. Yeah, it was funny. I

wouldn't. I wouldn't even say it's bad. It's just like, clearly there's no budget. Like they're just filming it on their own.

Yeah,

it was cool. I like that. That's kind of a I don't know, I think it's, it's cool that they just went out and did it. Mm hmm.

And it's still like the humors there and there's a story there. They they were like, this is what we're doing. We're gonna put it online.

Yeah, yeah, they, I've, I've found out afterwards that they for UCB. They like didn't make it one of the I forget what they're called, like the Herald teams or something like that. Yeah.

The there's all this the team that's like scheduled to perform all the time.

Yeah, they like, at least Abby didn't. I've heard that she didn't make it. And she was really upset. And I'm like, her father afterwards was like didn't Aren't you glad they didn't pick you for that? Because you would have like, invested your time and that it's true. No.

Yeah, they weren't selected for you CBS cream of the crop, but then they're just killing it on their own.

Yeah, exactly. They know, it can be like competitive at UCB. I think it's a it's a good environment. But it could also be like cut kind of cutthroat. Like, who's gonna make a new slot? I'm not at that level yet. I'm only I'm only in the 201 the second or third level? Yeah, like for.

There's just so many people pursuing comedy that it's like, you know, there's a lot of people in the market.

Yeah, exactly. That's why I think it's like, it's been fun to just do it on my own. Because, like, we just control what we do. And we're not waiting for someone to give us the Okay, that we can do. And it's like, if it if it's a if it's a flop, then it's our fault, but at least we're doing it. Yeah.

I feel like that's the way to do it. So keep going. Thanks. Anything else about Abby in particular before we could spend again?

I just had a huge crush on her.

She she's like that is all Yeah, she's like, I don't know. Definitely admirable. The two of them.

You think she's more abnormal?

No. admirable. I admire both.

Yeah. They sat above normal. I was like, I think a lot is more abnormal in the

series. I think a lot is more abnormal. But then the two of them I'm sure like super strange. Yeah, daily life. Like just you can tell from their friendship, the stuff they're putting out.

Yeah, yeah, they're definitely a good kind of weirdos. It seems like

yeah, that's awesome. Um, let's spend one more time. Okay.

Okay, memory, a memory from childhood. Good, bad, anything that you would like to share with the podcast?

Um,

let's see. Um, I guess maybe I just been having these memories recently about like, when I learned to play guitar. And I would like, right, write these like, really emo songs in my journal columns. And like, about my friendships, or if they were like, endearing or relationships or crushes I had. And then I would like, play. They were horrible. They weren't. They were not good. But

your guitar songs.

This is just, I'm just the thoughts popping into my head is that remember when like, mmm, like a mile was like a thing? Yeah. And like, people would like rap freestyle with each other. I don't know if he did that. I don't know. I

did not. I think I never got into rapping freestyle, but I know like Eminem was hugely popular. I mean, I watched his music videos and stuff.

Yeah, we so I remember. Like, we like kind of like, this is a horrible reference. But Lynch was a musician. And he's, I thought he was so funny at the time. He's a horrible person. But a horrible he just makes jokes that are not funny, but I used to love him. And we used to just play guitar and like, make up songs. And then like, make up these like words about say, I was like, a whole, like, freestyle type of guitar playing. I don't know. So that's a random memory. I don't know why that's popping in my head. But it is.

Who's Stephen Lynch. I

don't know him.

You don't know yet? Probably best. He would. He would make fun of like, really, it's really terrible. Like he would make fun of he has a song called Special Olympics. Like it's just okay. I can't believe I wrote this.

But then yeah, people were making fun of stuff like that back in the day or like on South Park and stuff like that. So it's a It's like who can you really blame if everyone was doing it? It sucks, but as a culture where you are not evolved?

Yeah, I guess I mean, I yeah, it's just, I guess it was a sign of the time. That's not an excuse. I think that I don't know. It's a touchy subject, I guess. I guess.

I want to ask you one more question. Um, I don't know if the wheel will land on it. So I just want to ask you, so your Jewish sheep celebrate Hanukkah? Yes. Okay, so who is like the equivalent of Santa Claus? Is it Moses? Or?

Um, so

Is there an equivalent?

Harry the

Harry the Hanukkah man, 

Harry the Hanukkah man

No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm slightly kidding about that. That's like a kind of joke, but kind of serious.

We can roll with it. I I want to ask you this question my producer came up with so you're a bartender. And Harry the Hannuakah Man or Moses or you know, someone of the Jewish faith comes into the bar after delivering all of his Hanukkah gifts. What drink? What drink? Are you gonna make him?

Oh,

I'm gonna make I'm gonna make Harry the Hanukkah Man. Maybe like a maybe like a hot toddy with like, a. I don't know if you could put whipped cream on that. But I feel like he would be into whipped cream. And then, and then maybe the tea goes along with it. Because Jewish people like tea. I don't know if that's the thing. Maybe I'm just saying that.

I mean, you're Jewish. You could definitely at least assume.

Yeah. So maybe I'd make him that. Or maybe I just go crazy. Because he's kind of weird already. And making like a spicy Margarita.

Maybe like one and then when he comes for the rounds, second round, spicy Margarita.

Yeah, yeah. I just feel like we could bond over that.

I think that's a good. That's a good order. I don't know if he's lactose intolerant. But hot toddy with whipped cream.

Yeah, he might be so maybe I can give him like, you know, some cherries in it or something.

Something to dilute that?

Yeah, that's a funny question.

She was she was like, messaging me, my producer. Just like I came up with this in the middle of the night. I think we should put it on the wheel. So I wanted you to get at least one chance to answer it. But yeah, we're at the end, Jamie. So tell us where to find the web series. How to find you online. Anything you want to promote?

Yeah, so you can find us on Instagram at effectivelyschizo. Effecively is with an E. And then you can find us on Facebook at effectivelyschizo. So we're even on LinkedIn and Twitter on effectivelyschizo. 

oh damn 

Twitter. Twitter's schizoseries actually. Okay. But LinkedIn, LinkedIn is the same. And then you can also if you want to find out like more about the history of our why we're doing what we're doing and how it plays into like, you know, stereotypes and how we're trying to get rid of get rid of that and bring awareness. You can go to www dot effectively schizo dot com. And that is our GoFundMe page. And you can donate if you want, but the more so there are stories on there, and it brings you to our rip reel, which is a video about why we're doing what we're doing. And you can look at and see a little background of the pilot episode that we filmed.

That's cool. I definitely recommend you check it out and watch effectivelyschizo the pilot episode on YouTube.

Yeah, definitely. Yes. We have a lot of videos on YouTube and the pilot episode is there as well. So we are effectivelyschizo also on YouTube. So find us there.

Well, thanks so much. It's been a true joy talking with you.

Yes, this has been awesome. Thank you so much for having me.

Of course. This has been Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent. If you liked this episode, the best way to help the podcast is by leaving a review, especially on iTunes because iTunes is still the Big Daddy of the podcast game. But leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts, rate me five stars if you think I'm worth it, and rate, subscribe, tell your friends word of mouth will really get the podcast off the ground. So just tell people about it. If you know friends who are into mental health or comedy, or both, or you think they could use a little comedy in their life, hey, we all know people like that right. Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back with a new episode next Thursday.

Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me)