[SPEAKER_02]: This is the therapy chat podcast with Laura Regan, LCSWC. [SPEAKER_02]: The information shared in this podcast is not a substitute for seeking help from a licensed mental health professional. [SPEAKER_02]: And now, here's your host, Laura Regan, LCSWC. [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, welcome back to Therapy Chat. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Laura Ragan, and today I'm so happy to be bringing you a beautiful, vulnerable conversation with you, Died Maros.
[SPEAKER_01]: You Died Maros is the founder of Authenticity Therapy. [SPEAKER_01]: and the author of Apple on my eye, which we will be talking about in this episode. [SPEAKER_01]: You'd eat, let a retreat, training, and introduction to authenticity therapy that I attended in Italy earlier this summer, and had an amazing experience, and I really wanted to [SPEAKER_01]: bring her on and talk about the importance of connecting to our authentic selves, everyone, and therapists as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you'll enjoy this conversation. [SPEAKER_01]: Next week is therapy chats, tenth birthday. [SPEAKER_01]: So excited about that. [SPEAKER_01]: So watch social media and your email if you're on my email list because I will be sharing some celebrations about that soon. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you as always for your support and thank you for listening to Therapy Chat. [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, welcome back to Therapy Chat.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Laura Reagan, and today, I'm so happy to be here with you, Deet Morrow's. [SPEAKER_01]: You Deet, thank you so much for being my guest today on Therapy Chat. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you for having me. [SPEAKER_00]: Such a pleasure. [SPEAKER_01]: is such a pleasure for me. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really excited to be talking with you. [SPEAKER_01]: We were together in Italy just just about six weeks ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: We parted way sadly and I'm really thrilled to talk with you about the method you created authenticity therapy because [SPEAKER_01]: I posted on Instagram about my trip and I was telling everyone how amazing it was and they were like, what is it? [SPEAKER_01]: What is it? [SPEAKER_01]: I was saying authenticity therapy and they said, well, what is it? [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, let UD explain it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But before we get into talking about authenticity therapy, well, you just start off by telling all of our listeners a little more about who you are and what you do. [SPEAKER_01]: Sure. [SPEAKER_00]: My name is UD Marus. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm an LMAFT licensed Norwegian family therapist. [SPEAKER_00]: I practice, I'm in private practice in which we'll connect to get.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have been practicing now for thirty-two years and I am a regular trainer of psychotherapists for continuing education. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm also author of a book, it's a self-help book. [SPEAKER_00]: called Apple of my eye, the four practices of self-love. [SPEAKER_00]: And I am also a regular presenter at National Conferences. [SPEAKER_00]: I presented at the American Psychological Association Conference.
[SPEAKER_00]: I presented already two times at the American Association for Marriage and Format Therapists. [SPEAKER_00]: Also at the Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy Integration Conference. [SPEAKER_00]: So I also lead Therapy Streetweets, like the one that you joined us at it in Italy, where I teach an introductory course, experiential introductory course in authenticity therapy, so that more and more therapists find out about this modality. [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And oh my gosh. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I'm also an aim if to improve supervisor of that up is wonderful. [SPEAKER_01]: And in your practice, do you work with couples, individuals, families, all of the above? [SPEAKER_01]: All of the above, even children. [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. [SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: It's good to know. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, our experience together in Italy was so beautiful, so special for me. [SPEAKER_01]: And it's impossible.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a beautiful place. [SPEAKER_01]: It was an amazing trip itself, but it was impossible to separate the [SPEAKER_01]: impact of the experiential therapies we were doing just a little bit per day, which I thought, oh, you know, just a little drop into class and then go have fun, but it was so deeply impactful every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel that what we did with the authenticity therapy practices that you were [SPEAKER_01]: leading us through, allowed our group to synthesize really well together. [SPEAKER_01]: You know, everyone, it was like there was more openness to connecting with people that we had never met before. [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I always have when I traveled in new places a great sense of wonder and joy and awe and inspiration to see how people live somewhere else and the different [SPEAKER_01]: architecture and scenery but and foods of course but it felt like I took it in differently because I just felt so deeply tuned into myself the whole time even you know in this one week of training with this brief few hours in the in the morning of working
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like I did some deep healing on some pieces of my own story that were very unexpected to work with.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm really hoping that in this conversation we can give people a sense of what authenticity therapy is and how it can benefit all of us because I've certainly returned to that experience since I've been home because coming [SPEAKER_01]: I've been saying coming back was like the the scene in I don't know if you are familiar with the scene in the movie The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy wakes up at the end and it's
[SPEAKER_01]: back in black and white after she had been in awe, where everything was in beautiful color. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I felt coming back, but the authenticity therapy practices have really been holding me. [SPEAKER_01]: So I know that's a long statement and not even really a question, but I just love to hear your thoughts about that. [SPEAKER_00]: I agree with you Laura.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm delighted that you had that experience and that's actually what I hear from each and every participant in my retreats and also from my clients day and day out. [SPEAKER_00]: I've been using authenticity therapy which I'm the originator of since two thousand and seven and it has changed my practice profoundly, my relationship to myself profoundly.
[SPEAKER_00]: and it has helped me to create a practice that's immensely powerful, quickly working, because it's trauma integrated, and it's body centered, and it's really based on actual life experiences. [SPEAKER_00]: Basically, to make a long story short, what happened is I never intended to [SPEAKER_00]: create a school of thoughts or to speak in psychotherapy or to integrate the things that we already know that work into a very useful and user-friendly sequence.
[SPEAKER_00]: I never intended to do that, but what happened was that when I opened my first private practice back in [SPEAKER_00]: I went around in the town in Connecticut where I opened my practice, got to know doctors and psychiatrists, basically soliciting referrals because I didn't have any clients yet. [SPEAKER_00]: And one of those people asked me what my angle was in therapy. [SPEAKER_00]: And I couldn't answer all of a sudden my everything collapsed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just could because it was a very eclectic approach. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just what we all do in therapy usually, right? [SPEAKER_00]: peace male, you're therapy together according to all the things that you already know, tailored to the client that you're sitting across from. [SPEAKER_00]: So I could do an answer of a sudden and I said, I don't know, but it works.
[SPEAKER_00]: In that answer, made me so ashamed because, you know, I was able to express arrogance and ignorance in one short sentence. [SPEAKER_00]: He was a master job. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure he was very impressed. [SPEAKER_00]: So I decided just for my own sake so that I don't spit at myself in a mirror from that day on to get to the bottom of why it works. [SPEAKER_00]: So I get a very simple thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I ask each and every client from down on at the beginning of every session, how come you're feeling better? [SPEAKER_00]: because they were feeling better from session to session. [SPEAKER_00]: I just asked them, how come? [SPEAKER_00]: What exactly happened? [SPEAKER_00]: Did I say something? [SPEAKER_00]: Did you do something different? [SPEAKER_00]: Did something happen? [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care. [SPEAKER_00]: I have no preconceptions.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to know how come you're feeling better. [SPEAKER_00]: And they told me because they still remembered. [SPEAKER_00]: And I wrote it down in that briefly statement on a yellow sticky note every and each hour. [SPEAKER_00]: We'd know assumptions, no explanations. [SPEAKER_00]: I just wrote it down. [SPEAKER_00]: And when I had a mountain of those yellow sticky notes, I sat down and chiseled them down. [SPEAKER_00]: I was looking for common denominators.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it took me seven years, seven years. [SPEAKER_00]: I did this every hour, every day of my therapy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what emerged, so this is a very thorough empirical study that I did, just for me to understand, and what emerged turns out to be a whole new therapy, basically, which is not new because we know most of these things already, however, it's very, very new because it goes to the very core of each and every presenting issue that people come to therapy with, which is your relationship to yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: To what degree do you love yourself?
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is a very specific thing that you can plug in along the lines of four specific practices that I basically call ABC and D. This is what emerged in those seven years and I've been probing these things ever since. [SPEAKER_00]: And all my students have been proving this method ever since, because I've been teaching it non-stop from two thousand and seven. [SPEAKER_00]: And it just works every time.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, I just found out that University of New Hampshire is interested in doing a study. [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's so exciting. [SPEAKER_00]: Congratulations. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm very excited about that. [SPEAKER_00]: So because, you know, I can say you like one that he deserves, but it needs to be a big improvement.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad you brought up the four specific practices because I really wanted to ask you about ABC and D, the general public and maybe even a lot of therapists depending on their orientation. [SPEAKER_01]: Don't necessarily think about the relationship to oneself. [SPEAKER_01]: We think about the ways that people have symptoms or the ways that they have [SPEAKER_01]: behaviors that are causing problems in their lives, or they're having problems in their relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, I was trained this way to focus on their relationship with self, but that's not common across the board. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's such an important crucial overlooked, often overlooked aspect of our human experiences, the relationship to ourselves. [SPEAKER_00]: What do you say? [SPEAKER_00]: What think or do? [SPEAKER_00]: in the moment of discomfort. [SPEAKER_00]: That is the moment when you feel bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you respond to your own pain, discomfort and whatever? [SPEAKER_00]: What do you say? [SPEAKER_00]: Do you put yourself down? [SPEAKER_00]: Do you even notice that you're not feeling good? [SPEAKER_00]: Or do you help yourself? [SPEAKER_00]: Long story short, the problem is not life. [SPEAKER_00]: People come into therapy saying the problem is my boss. [SPEAKER_00]: We are the problem is my husband or my wife who mistreat me or ignore me.
[SPEAKER_00]: The problem is my children. [SPEAKER_00]: The problem is this or that or the other thing. [SPEAKER_00]: But the truth is that life is stressful. [SPEAKER_00]: It always will be stressful. [SPEAKER_00]: And it is stressful for everybody. [SPEAKER_00]: On and off, on and off to some degree, this way or that way, that will be stressed. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what's more. [SPEAKER_00]: That will be also joy and peace. [SPEAKER_00]: It all comes and goes, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That is what's more more. [SPEAKER_00]: The nature of life is ups and downs and change. [SPEAKER_00]: The secret to well-being, to happiness, the thing that everybody is looking for, is what you do specifically in the moment of feeling bad. [SPEAKER_00]: There are three ways to relate in this world, to anything. [SPEAKER_00]: Three ways to relate to people, [SPEAKER_00]: to your finances, to your household, as well as to yourself, to anything, to your car.
[SPEAKER_00]: For what I care, there are three ways. [SPEAKER_00]: Abuse, neglect, and care. [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I learned. [SPEAKER_00]: When you abuse or neglect yourself in the midst of feeling uncomfortable, you are disconnected from the truth of how you feel and what you need.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are out of control, you cannot [SPEAKER_00]: possibly help yourself and the secret of well-being and happiness and joy and peace and everything people are looking for is to instead of reacting to your feeling bad by abuse or neglect, respond. [SPEAKER_00]: Now ABCD is about how to respond to how you feel in a way that's caring and when you do that [SPEAKER_00]: Guess what happens? [SPEAKER_00]: You rebalance yourself because now you are feeling your feelings.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are believing your feelings. [SPEAKER_00]: You do those four things which you can elaborate on a ruler. [SPEAKER_00]: You do those four things and at the end of that process which with just the tiny bit of practice takes about thirty seconds. [SPEAKER_00]: When you're at the end of that process, you have rebalanced yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: You have parented yourself positively, as opposed to negatively, because like it or not, we constantly relate to our own self.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is relationships. [SPEAKER_00]: This is one relationship right here. [SPEAKER_00]: This is not one thing. [SPEAKER_00]: This is two things. [SPEAKER_00]: This is the relationship I am a relationship between my mind and my body. [SPEAKER_00]: What does my mind have to say about I feel my body? [SPEAKER_00]: because my feelings are in my body and my thoughts are in my mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: The trick is to teach the mind to shut up and to let you experience your life and not call it, not curse it, not curse yourself, not curse life, not curse others for feeling bad because feeling bad is normal. [SPEAKER_00]: What are you going to do about it? [SPEAKER_00]: If you curse yourself, you're rebuasing yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: If you ignore it, you're neglecting yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: Those are the two reactivities.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you stay present and do those four things that we're going to talk about, you are set up to help, to intervene in a positive manner that will re-establish balance. [SPEAKER_00]: So the ups and downs and ups and downs will be met with a real time rebalancing. [SPEAKER_00]: of your mood, of your physical states, of whatever it is going on, that's going on with you. [SPEAKER_00]: And that, the good news is that you can do that only you can do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody else can, because nobody can feel your feelings. [SPEAKER_00]: But you can, what are you going to do with those feelings? [SPEAKER_00]: That's what the ABCD is about.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes. [SPEAKER_01]: And it is simple, as you describe, but it is also very complex, because the way that we are feeling shows up in so many mysterious ways in a way, like, you know, different states of whether it's a physical pain or feeling shut down, fatigued, [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm just thinking about our group. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking about we would do our experience in the morning and, you know, looking around some people that was tough to stay grounded.
[SPEAKER_01]: Some people didn't feel like opening up me. [SPEAKER_01]: I just was dealing with pain, pain, pain, pain. [SPEAKER_01]: which is so funny because I don't consider myself to be in immense emotional pain all the time. [SPEAKER_01]: But I am in immense physical pain quite a large percentage of the time. [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that what I experienced when we were together is there were days where my pain would be so I'm doing this because it's back here.
[SPEAKER_01]: It would be so overpowering. [SPEAKER_01]: And then in the group, I would share, oh, something's bothering me today, or this happened, and I'm upset about it. [SPEAKER_01]: And then when we tuned into that part of the body, I would start crying. [SPEAKER_01]: The pain would go away. [SPEAKER_01]: It was like, oh. [SPEAKER_01]: Is that all I had to do? [SPEAKER_01]: Like why didn't I just start crying sooner?
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's not, you can't like the pain was keeping the sadness or the emotional pain back, you know? [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right. [SPEAKER_01]: But then I would feel so positive and so, you know, you have that experience of integration. [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just the pain stops, but it like this immense relief and connection and, you know, [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I can't believe we get to be here. [SPEAKER_01]: This is so beautiful, you know, just this like opening of gratitude for life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was very profound. [SPEAKER_01]: And those were just, you know, two mornings, probably. [SPEAKER_01]: I had that kind of experience, but it carried through everything. [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe love everybody who was there, maybe want to be, you know, more deeply connected with everyone. [SPEAKER_00]: This is the power of authenticity. [SPEAKER_00]: An authenticity is literally means inner guidance.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you listen to your body sensations level, the body speaks all the time and it never lies. [SPEAKER_00]: It just doesn't allow to lie. [SPEAKER_00]: And the sensations that you were feeling in your body and we always do have sensations in our body always, always, or even comfortable sensations that tingling or warm for you know, lightness.
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, having as some pressure in pain and discomfort and stuckness and numbness or whatever, the body constantly talks. [SPEAKER_00]: And when you know that you have to listen and then you do listen and then you learn the skills of how to listen because each one of those ABCD has a lot of skills involved in it so that you know how to really listen without contaminating the body's information that it's trying to convey. [SPEAKER_00]: Then you know how to help yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, these conferences are best friends. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, this notion flies in the face of everything we know in our society. [SPEAKER_00]: Everything we are taught, you go to the doctor, oh my God, you have to take here the pill. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_00]: The truth is that this comfort is our best friend. [SPEAKER_00]: It's the body or life or nature. [SPEAKER_00]: Modern nature, raising a vet flag, your other palace, your other palace, here, here, listen, listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: I show you what to do about it, just let yourself feel it. [SPEAKER_00]: Do we feel in our culture? [SPEAKER_00]: No. [SPEAKER_00]: We are fond of zombie movies because it resonates, the walking them. [SPEAKER_00]: Because we are not by stimulation, by information, by the pace of life, by doing, doing, doing, performing, achieving, achieving. [SPEAKER_00]: People forget to feel. [SPEAKER_00]: Now feeling is nature's way, nature's intelligence crystallizes in buried into our body.
[SPEAKER_00]: That discomfort, that pain. [SPEAKER_00]: It's there for a vision. [SPEAKER_00]: It's trying to get your attention. [SPEAKER_00]: Because without your attention and deliberate addressing, you can't help yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't help yourself, nobody will. [SPEAKER_00]: You know the joke about Mr. Jones who prays to God every day. [SPEAKER_00]: Please, please, please, God, please, please, please, let me have, let me win the lottery.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this goes on for weeks. [SPEAKER_00]: Please, God, let me win the, and finally, God, it appears to me that John's message was fine. [SPEAKER_00]: Fine. [SPEAKER_00]: We just buy a ticket. [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't do what it takes, nobody can help you, not even God. [SPEAKER_00]: You see? [SPEAKER_00]: So this is a glorious new realization. [SPEAKER_00]: that we are fully in charge of our well-being. [SPEAKER_00]: We really are.
[SPEAKER_00]: We think our doctors are a priest or our, I don't know, guys are, our coaches are where our spouses or somebody, somebody not me, but a profound misunderstanding that is that we are fully in charge of our well-being. [SPEAKER_00]: And we can establish and maintain for the most part, not always, well-being by listening to our bodies. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, again, so nature embeds discomfort. [SPEAKER_00]: This comfort is concentrated information.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's symbolic information. [SPEAKER_00]: Just like a dream is. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a symbol. [SPEAKER_00]: that you need to learn to decode that will lead you to its own resolution. [SPEAKER_00]: We think of the mind as our greatest guide in life. [SPEAKER_00]: But the mind doesn't sense. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a sensing organ. [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have access to feeling. [SPEAKER_00]: Feeling has the wisdom experiencing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can learn to decode those physiological experiences into usable information about what to do, what to say, how, when, how much with, what with whom, what to think even, to feel better. [SPEAKER_00]: And feeling better in the moment is a step forward. [SPEAKER_00]: Feeling better is more than not feeling better. [SPEAKER_00]: And little feelings, feeling better is each and every moment in real time adds up to well-being.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is nature's way of alerting us and guiding us through our inner knowing. [SPEAKER_00]: An authentic therapy is a gateway and a roadmap. [SPEAKER_00]: to how to tap into nature's wisdom and how to utilize it for well-being. [SPEAKER_00]: That is what it is. [SPEAKER_00]: So I consider myself as a therapist as a guide. [SPEAKER_00]: I guide people back to their own selves. [SPEAKER_00]: I sit in the room with my client. [SPEAKER_00]: My client doesn't know what the heck is up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what the heck is up because I'm not in their body, but I guide them back into their own experience and they get their answers. [SPEAKER_00]: All they need to do is take a seriously and do it. [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes. [SPEAKER_01]: And that's the same perspective that I have even before doing this introductory training with my clients is that I can help you come back to you. [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I know how to do. [SPEAKER_01]: But what's in you?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what you know. [SPEAKER_01]: That's what we'll discover together through your exploration. [SPEAKER_01]: But there is an aspect of, you know, some like guided visualization. [SPEAKER_01]: That's also part of it, right? [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. [SPEAKER_01]: You were doing these beautiful visualizations. [SPEAKER_01]: Like the first one I loved, I won't forget that one. [SPEAKER_01]: But the tree roots, it's just like very deep.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: So there are definitely practices, ancient practices. [SPEAKER_00]: including Buddhist practices, which is not from an religious perspective, from really the practice itself, that help people come back home to themselves. [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, the first two steps out of the four come from Eastern teachings.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't come from Eastern teachings, but they plug into Eastern teachings of presence, attention, self-suding, like meditation and progressive relaxation. [SPEAKER_00]: those things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So in the training, so we're going to go to Miami for the certification training in November is is part of the training to learn the guided visualizations and how to help people find presence because I think one of the things that [SPEAKER_01]: I noticed in our group and this isn't like, you know, anything about any individual just sort of like observing the group of us who were all therapists, you know, some are less somatically oriented.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm very somatically oriented. [SPEAKER_01]: So for me right away, I'm going right there as soon as you guide us there, I'm in there and having all these huge experiences and
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I know how it is when you're first learning to go tune into your body that if your if that relationship's not already well developed you it's harder to feel what's like I don't know I feel tired or you know it's harder to feel what's going on in there or to to access anything specific but is that part of what you teach how to do in the actual certification training? [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: I teach all the ins and outs of this whole model and practice, including the guided visualizations because they do help. [SPEAKER_00]: For example, the one that you are mentioning is actually, I believe pretty much the first one of all the practices. [SPEAKER_00]: And the most foundational one, which is to arrive to this moment, this time by planting your feet onto the ground and growing your roots. [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, it's the second, the very first one is the breathing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why? [SPEAKER_00]: Because these two practices, the breathing and the slower exhales than inhales, and also letting your roots down into the earth. [SPEAKER_00]: And energetically, [SPEAKER_00]: help you to arrive, to be here, to shut off your thoughts. [SPEAKER_00]: There are days and other guided imagery, a couple of them, which I will always also teach, how to shut off your thoughts. [SPEAKER_00]: You see, thoughts are not, they don't have the answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: They just don't because light is not a problem. [SPEAKER_00]: The mind is designed to resolve problems. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not designed to experience. [SPEAKER_00]: The body is designed to experience. [SPEAKER_00]: So the mind is not the best guide in life. [SPEAKER_00]: So we need to learn the skills to shadow our thoughts and to physiologically and energetically be able to arrive into this present moment by just being here with no thought.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just for a new world so that we can focus on our bodies so that we can tap into the information that Mother Nature is trying to convey to us through sensation. [SPEAKER_00]: so that we may help ourselves because what I found out from this work is that you will be well to the degree that you get your needs met and your needs are embedded in your body by a code which is sensation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sensation is code for feelings and needs, physically sensation is code for feelings which are code for needs. [SPEAKER_00]: if I feel an emptiness sensation in my stomach, that's a feeling. [SPEAKER_00]: That's a sensation which is code for a feeling of hunger, for example, which is code for the need to eat. [SPEAKER_00]: This is how sensation leads us into need fulfillment. [SPEAKER_00]: And to the degree that you get your needs met, you will be well in your time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a one and done. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a constant cultivation of connection between your mind and body. [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up because first I [SPEAKER_01]: drifted a little bit back to that rooftop and feeling the sea breeze on our faces as we were sitting in this sun just you know grounding in arriving and oh my gosh I swear I have I'm half living back in Japan telling you I'm just with our friends I'm sending like
[SPEAKER_01]: or sending these Instagram videos about travel and stuff back and forth to each other to remind each other how we wish we were back there because it's those so amazing anyway but you you are naming something really important which is [SPEAKER_01]: As therapists, and as someone who might be going to therapy, not a therapist, the unmet needs are what didn't happen. [SPEAKER_01]: How do you work with what didn't happen?
[SPEAKER_01]: But you can, and this is how, and you know, you can access what didn't happen, what's longing for happening, what's needed to happen that never did. [SPEAKER_01]: give it now. [SPEAKER_01]: And that is something that I think so many there, but especially I think not just those starting out in the field, but we don't typically learn. [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, we don't learn that much about attachment needs unless we're trained in developmental psychology usually.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't learn about the impact of unmet needs. [SPEAKER_01]: It's sort of something that most of us have to figure out as we are working with clients and examining our own experiences and realizing, oh, here's the missing piece for this person. [SPEAKER_01]: Because it's not like the person can say, if you're a baby in a crib crying and no one's coming, you don't have a memory of that usually.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your body holds a memory of it, but you don't have a cognitive like a memory in your prefrontal cortex about that. [SPEAKER_01]: So if the person can't tell you I was a baby crying and no one can and they don't have words language to explain. [SPEAKER_01]: I feel an emptiness in my belly. [SPEAKER_01]: an emptiness. [SPEAKER_01]: That's a hard feeling to describe. [SPEAKER_01]: You have to really be connected with yourself to get the message from yourself.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, just feels empty. [SPEAKER_00]: Right, right. [SPEAKER_00]: So as an authenticity therapist, you can tap into the truth of that, even without a prefrontal cortex memory. [SPEAKER_00]: How? [SPEAKER_00]: By basically asking you about your feelings, by finding that feeling in your body, for you it was right here, right? [SPEAKER_00]: And it was an emptiness feeling.
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was just pain here, but then when it was here where I, the pressure of my forehead became like the emptiness. [SPEAKER_01]: What I tuned into was like, I remember saying to you in the group, like, of course a baby would be [SPEAKER_01]: screaming all the time if no one ever paid attention to them. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, we're [SPEAKER_00]: You know? [SPEAKER_00]: It's so interesting that the body, again, the physical sensation is a symbol.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the body, you only all you need to do is pay attention. [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you do, the body will spit out verbal information. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, no one coming, or an image, words or images, will bubble up from the sensation, [SPEAKER_00]: that will inform you about what's going on. [SPEAKER_00]: And you had no idea. [SPEAKER_00]: And all you need to do is pay attention and ask, what does this mean? [SPEAKER_00]: How am I feeling?
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's one portal for the therapist to find the kernel of the truth. [SPEAKER_00]: This is like a deep drill that's on turbo speed. [SPEAKER_00]: This is Freudism or psychoanalysis, jumped into [SPEAKER_00]: half an hour, not ten years' worth of three times a week to hours, because it is free association, but very pointed through the body sensation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another way to tap into this and another portal is how you feel in your life, how are your relationships going, how do you feel about yourself? [SPEAKER_00]: Because all of these are mirror images. [SPEAKER_00]: of your relationship to yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: How is your marriage? [SPEAKER_00]: How is your relationship with your friends or family or significant others? [SPEAKER_00]: Is there a parent of abuse? [SPEAKER_00]: Is there a parent of feeling neglected?
[SPEAKER_00]: Feeling abused or feeling neglected? [SPEAKER_00]: Emotional or physically? [SPEAKER_00]: You know or both? [SPEAKER_00]: Because if there is a pattern that's an indication of how you might have been treated in the past and how you have learned to treat yourself in the present and how you have perpetuated that style of relating and we use neglect or care in your life subconsciously because we learn what we learn. [SPEAKER_00]: We don't know anything other than what we learn.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we learn from our cave takers how we are supposed to treat ourselves. [SPEAKER_00]: And what we learn is what we are going to recreate in our relationships. [SPEAKER_00]: So we are going to attract and cultivate and accept relationships in our lives that are on the same mode that represent the same style of relating. [SPEAKER_00]: And we don't even notice it. [SPEAKER_00]: and we blame them for treating us the way when we actually chose them and we are still choosing them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we are not advocating for a different type of relationship because we don't even know that it exists, let alone advocating why because we don't listen to the truth of how we feel. [SPEAKER_00]: But when you've really listened to the real time, you feel that tension in your head, for example, it will tell you [SPEAKER_00]: because the body is unadulterated by your experiences. [SPEAKER_00]: It knows the truth behind the truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: So with authenticity therapy, we are circumventing our preconceived notions because we are not even thinking. [SPEAKER_00]: We are tapping straight into the source of ancient truth information about our yearning for love and how we need that now. [SPEAKER_00]: First and foremost from ourselves and then from others. [SPEAKER_00]: And then we will be able to educate for that from others. [SPEAKER_00]: But only after we have established that in our relationship with our own selves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what the four steps really have therapists to lock into. [SPEAKER_00]: You know? [SPEAKER_00]: So that there is no more fluff in therapy. [SPEAKER_00]: It's all about your relationship to yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: No matter what we're talking about. [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I love it. [SPEAKER_01]: I loved it. [SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait for the training in November. [SPEAKER_01]: And I guess you may have space for people to sign up for that. [SPEAKER_00]: I may have a couple.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe not. [SPEAKER_00]: Most of the people. [SPEAKER_00]: But there will be other certification trainings. [SPEAKER_00]: I like to do this in small groups because a lot of it is experiential. [SPEAKER_00]: When you really experience this in your relationship, you experience the magic of it. [SPEAKER_00]: And then you develop an awareness of things that you were not aware of before. [SPEAKER_00]: So you can only help others to the degree that your awareness is open.
[SPEAKER_00]: And to the degree that you are seeing things for what they are, including your relationship to yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: If I, for example, I knew an nurse who was prescribing Xenax downers to lots and lots of people because she genuinely thought that she was being just helping them. [SPEAKER_00]: you know, they would nervous, they were anxious, they couldn't sleep, they would even function even without even asking if they were addicted to drugs or alcohol.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, there's a blind spot. [SPEAKER_00]: There's a blind spot about addiction. [SPEAKER_00]: This person, most probably, was addicted herself to something. [SPEAKER_00]: She didn't notice. [SPEAKER_00]: You see, we inflict dysfunction and pain and harm on others by not seeing what we don't see in our relationship to ourselves. [SPEAKER_00]: You see, this is just an example for that, but this is to interpret at large.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, at every step of the way, I can only help you to the degree that I can help myself. [SPEAKER_00]: I will only see clearly to the degree that I can see myself clearly. [SPEAKER_00]: We don't see our own blind spots. [SPEAKER_00]: We just method cultivating and open and aware really and loving and caring relationship with our own selves. [SPEAKER_00]: You see, half of the training is self work. [SPEAKER_00]: That's when you know what you didn't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's when you know how to have others. [SPEAKER_00]: The best. [SPEAKER_01]: I agree with you. [SPEAKER_01]: That is so true. [SPEAKER_01]: I know over I've been licensed, starting with provisionally licensed for fifteen years this year. [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like you learn the more cognitive mind-oriented approaches [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I always felt like there was something really missing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I never got to experience any experiential trainings until, I think the first one I did was around, twenty-fourteen. [SPEAKER_01]: And it was so huge for me. [SPEAKER_01]: Personally, even though I was in my own therapy, my therapy was also very cognitively oriented. [SPEAKER_01]: And when I had my first experiential therapy where I actually felt the mind body connection, I was like, I want more of this. [SPEAKER_01]: I just craved more of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it felt like anything besides that is just intellectual. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: And therapy this day and age is mostly CBT. [SPEAKER_00]: Mostly. [SPEAKER_01]: Even now, even now with everything we know. [SPEAKER_00]: And to tell up is I'm not trained in trauma. [SPEAKER_01]: I know. [SPEAKER_01]: Believe me, that's my biggest complaint about our field. [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are supposed to embed trauma skills, not trauma informed whatever's understanding theory of trauma. [SPEAKER_01]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: Actual trauma resolution skills. [SPEAKER_00]: must be embedded in the basic training of therapists, because without coming back to mind body, connection and coming back to self-love, and the ABCDs, without trauma skills, which is to extinguish body memory of trauma. [SPEAKER_00]: Effectively and quickly, which cannot be done by talk therapy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It cannot be done because it's in the body's memory. [SPEAKER_00]: So it's a body centered skill. [SPEAKER_00]: There are not too many methods that actually can do that. [SPEAKER_00]: Without those skills, half of our clientele won't even be able to do A, let alone B, C and D because they won't be able to stay present in their bodies long enough to withstand the discomfort which is going to inform you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, so trauma resolution scales are and trauma assessment scales are for any effective practice and actually in my certification showing that you are coming to and I'm delighted that you're coming. [SPEAKER_00]: It's the I use brief solution oriented trauma resolution which I find [SPEAKER_00]: the quickest and most effective method for trauma resolution. [SPEAKER_00]: There's a couple of others that are quick-ish, effective-ish.
[SPEAKER_00]: I found this one the most effective is embedded in the training because without it there is no mind-body connection. [SPEAKER_01]: Before we wrap up, I do want to give you a chance to talk about what ABC and D are for our listeners because we said we were going to get into that so I want to be sure to not leave them hanging on that. [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, I was hoping you would ask.
[SPEAKER_00]: So remember, I said, you're going to be healthy to the degree that you get your needs met. [SPEAKER_00]: So D is getting your needs met, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: Let me start from the beginning. [SPEAKER_00]: A is awareness, attention. [SPEAKER_00]: P, attention to your body's circumstances. [SPEAKER_00]: Know how to define them in your body and notice them.
[SPEAKER_00]: and accept them as a truth, that's A. Attention and acceptance of physical sensations as the truth, without even understanding what they mean. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a forwarding of blind faith in nature's intelligence, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: B is the ability to suit yourself with this comfort, with the sensation that you just found in your body. [SPEAKER_00]: It's B is for breath, which is a catch-all for actually a good number of self-suding practices that you can learn.
[SPEAKER_00]: So now you notice sensation, you have breathed into them and sewed yourself with some other practices to calm down, to not freak out, to not become abusive or neglectful of yourself in the moment of discomfort. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to be reactive to your sensations because if you are, it's like, your baby is crying and you're slamming the door because you can handle it or you're yelling at the baby for crying. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to meet?
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't run away. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't abuse. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't attack. [SPEAKER_00]: Stay present. [SPEAKER_00]: B is a window of opportunity to be present in the midst of it all. [SPEAKER_00]: This is what Buddhism calls non-attachment. [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, the Buddha found the same truths. [SPEAKER_00]: without doing an empirical study, I'm sure. [SPEAKER_00]: Which is, this engage become a witness to your own pain, soothe it as opposed to ignoring it or attacking it, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's B. [SPEAKER_00]: Why? [SPEAKER_00]: So, let's see, you may communicate with that sensation. [SPEAKER_00]: That headache, that shoulder pain, that pressure in your chest, that tension in your jaw, whatever it might be in the moment, whatever it might be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay breathing and present and wear without freaking out because you need to be able to communicate with that sensation and there are quite a few practices that will help you to [SPEAKER_00]: Tap into the truth of how you feel and what you need without contaminating. [SPEAKER_00]: It's the information with your expectations, with your fears, with your programming, with your culture, with your whatever. [SPEAKER_00]: Back to the source. [SPEAKER_00]: Clean source.
[SPEAKER_00]: the body sensation. [SPEAKER_00]: There is a way to extract the juice, that nectar of information, that is unadulterated, uncontaminated, pure. [SPEAKER_00]: But you call that water, that's artesian. [SPEAKER_00]: It's from an artesian well of nature's intelligence. [SPEAKER_00]: So now you're communicating about how you're feeling and what you're needing to do to feel better. [SPEAKER_00]: What you're needing to do or say, [SPEAKER_00]: or think or be like to feel better.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's see. [SPEAKER_00]: D is do it and lock yourself into living up to the promise of actually not having listened for not.
[SPEAKER_00]: actually caring or actually delivering to the promise of I'm here to help and showing them for yourself the way that you needed to be back then exactly exactly and that in and by itself some people even traumatized people of course or and most a lot of people in our in our [SPEAKER_00]: The clientele, about ninety percent of my clients, we're traumatized, most of them don't even know.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, trauma can mess with that whole ability to do all that, because of the blind patterns, the familiarity, the [SPEAKER_00]: programming whatever fears, fears of feeling, fears of intensity. [SPEAKER_00]: And when you actually do what it takes, the sensation goes away. [SPEAKER_00]: For you, at our retreat, it went away just by breathing into it. [SPEAKER_00]: Without doing it, if I have to communicate with it much, you know, it jumped right out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you just needed to cry. [SPEAKER_00]: Somebody asked, might need something else? [SPEAKER_00]: You might need something else at the summer, summer of the time, you see? [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, you will. [SPEAKER_00]: So the ABCDs is to stay connected to the source of the truth all the way until resolution.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you actually do what it takes, when you actually do what you found out you need to do or think or say in the C phrase, right, in the communication phase, then it actually goes away because it lost its function. [SPEAKER_00]: It's really a miraculous thing. [SPEAKER_00]: It's really leading proof that nature doesn't do things for no reason. [SPEAKER_00]: It's always a reason for cessation. [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not just that you are shawling snow.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we've jumped to. [SPEAKER_00]: My army's hurting. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure it down that maybe one of the reasons there's a lot more to it. [SPEAKER_00]: It goes to the... [SPEAKER_00]: to the level of your relationship to your self. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what needs fixing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And by practicing this over time, you're actually healing your relationship to yourself and you're taking full charge of your self parenting, which you're gonna, you do anyway, even if you don't notice. [SPEAKER_00]: Just not in the way that is most conducive to balance and peace. [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Yuri. [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh, and it's just reminding me again, so much of all the [SPEAKER_01]: things that we did in that brief little week.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm really excited about what's ahead. [SPEAKER_01]: And for us, it'll be Miami for people who sign up for your certification in the future. [SPEAKER_01]: It'll be some other place. [SPEAKER_01]: But everybody needs to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing you need does is make sure that we're in a beautiful place while we learn because getting away from your normal life where you do things the way you always do things is an important part of [SPEAKER_01]: being able to access this without distraction. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: It's easier to shut off your to-do list and your usual focal points.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: So you need where can everyone who's listening find out more about you, your work, your book, authenticity therapy? [SPEAKER_01]: Where is all of this information found? [SPEAKER_00]: So my website is www.youtismaros.com, why you DIT, M-A-R-O-S, .com? [SPEAKER_00]: Or my trainings are coming up on my website. [SPEAKER_00]: And my book is Apple of my eye, the four practices of self-love. [SPEAKER_00]: And I can be reached through my website.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can just shoot me any mail. [SPEAKER_00]: You did that Maros at gmail.com. [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't do Instagram much. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm planning on doing that. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually planning on creating an app for setting. [SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you did.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad that I stumbled upon your work and took a chance and went on that trip because it really was a life changing experience for me and you are a [SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful, beam of light in this world and I'm really grateful for what you're doing. [SPEAKER_01]: I know you care so much about this and I hope that being here with us on this episode today will help more people find out about authenticity therapy and all the beautiful things you're doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much, Laura. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: I am so appreciative and grateful for the opportunity, because as you know, this is my life's purpose to help as many people as possible with this whole new angle for self-help and therapy. [SPEAKER_00]: I really appreciate you, huh? [SPEAKER_00]: In spreading the word. [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for listening to Therapy Chat with your host, Laura Regan, LCSWC.
[SPEAKER_02]: For more information, please visit Therapy Chat podcast.com.