#2136 The Funsexual - Daviana Memont

But anyway, that's just the door opener. But he loves feeding you. And while you tell him you have no self compol control or impulse control, he makes you like a kilogram of chocolate fudge. I know he's just keeping himself safe. He was he trying to make himself like indisposable? Is he He's safety protocol is just have food on and throw it at a when things look unstable, and so far it's working. Yeah, well it's quite effective. Also pathetic,

Hey do better, Scott do better. Speaking of pathetic, our next guest isn't see what I did there? You thought? Fuck? What's he going to say here? Jesus Dabiana, Welcome to the You Project? My friend? How are you?

late ninety eight ninety nine. But then the worst part was definitely my last duty station on an army base in Missouri because it was just absolutely boring as hell. Oh god, yeah, and I wanted to re enlist and they were like, yeah, you can re enlist after you spend three years here, and I was like, I'm like no, I'm out see it. It was like the deadliest dead zone. Like it was terrible. It was absolutely boring. There was nothing to do there but drink and feet.

help people. And then when I got out, I was before I went in, I was doing time boxing and kickboxing at a studio, and about a year after I got out, I ran into the guy that ran the place and he was like, you got to come down here and check it out. We're picking up cars and logs and stones and stuff. So he's talk about strong man. So I was like, all right, yeah, I went there and I did one competition and took second place, and

then he recommended I become a coach. So I became a coach and that was it.

constantly lying to you about that fruit intake. And it's just like people that didn't really want to help themselves. They just wanted to feel good about the fact that they went to the gym and then continue to go eat pizza and shit. All they.

you go to bed? You know, all the tea, coffee, booze, water as well as obviously food, and what time you wait and like a lot of information. Probably took them

fifteen minutes a day. And it's so interesting how many people would turn up and I'd look at their diary and I'd look at them and I'm like, nah, nah, you're not eating this, you're not drink like this is not especially over time, you know, when you see over three months, every day it's a fucking chicken salad and two glasses of water and four gulps of air and they've gained ten kilos or you know, you like bros, there's like I like you, you're a good dude or

dude at but I'm like, we need to because your problem is not your genetic potential, it's not your physiology. It's like your decision making and your ability to execute

the things we need to do. So how do you approach that when you know that somebody is lying to you without being Because I think most people, including me, at times in my life, like I was morbidly obeste when I was younger, and then even when I was got in really good shape and I started all my fitness industry career, but there was a time there where I really struggled because I've got heaps of fucking issues welcome to the club about my body and food, and

I felt like a complete fraud. But I was Essentially I was just said actually telling people to do stuff that I couldn't do or I wasn't doing right. How do you handle that when you know someone's got good intentions and you know they could be in great shape, but you know the biggest limitation is not their potential, but what they're doing to their body and then lying to you about it.

ahead of time. And I tell them point blank, don't lie, Like, just tell me that God out is truth, because if you lie to me and I start to manipulate your diet plant according to what you've told me you've been eating, chances are I'm going to give you something slightly stepped in the right direction, and if you've been lying to me, it's going to be a bigger step than it should be,

so you're going to fail. And on top of that, I tell them point blank that if I ever think that you're lying to me, I'll drop you as a client because your your money is not any good to me if you're lying, Like, I don't want clients walking around saying, you know, I'm coached by Strength Discovery and you see no progress. So like, if you're going to lie to me, or if you're going to not going to make progress in the next three months, like I'm

going to fire you as a client. I'm just I want to think it's that simple.

I guess, now, how many how many podcasts do you think you've been on? I was thinking before about this in terms of views showing up? I think eight or nine now, okay, so not a lot. Yeah, but that's sud in the last like three months. Yeah, great, great. So what do most people? I mean, I want to dive into your story, but I also don't want to be let's talk about this and then you did that?

Why did you do that? Right at the tell us about your journey living as like wherever you want to start and whatever you want to leave out or in, but starting to live as a woman and dressing that way and identifying and and what I loved about Tiff was, you know, the funniest thing you said was I'm fun sexual. I love that. I think I'm going to call the title of the episode that tif. When I saw your title, I went, thank god you didn't use that. I think

I'm going to explain Dabiana what that means. What does fun sexual mean? I know it's a you created word, but let's see if we can.

so you're bisexual, you're panchextual. Everybody's trying to put you into some sort of category. And I'm like, I'm fun sexual and what I mean by that is like the partner that I want to have for the rest of my life. I want to be female. Yeah, now in that process of being with a female, and I've been with females like like, I enjoy kink and fetish and bondage and I was introduced to it at a very young age. Actually, that's the best thing that ever came

out of that last duty station I had. So I guess that's probably not the worst part of the Marine Corps. Then when I think about second guess that one so like I hit about I want to say, when I was like in my early thirties, at some point I was just like I said to myself and said, you know what, I'm like, I'm not going to say no anymore.

I'm like, I'm going to base it on vibe and like personality and just like if I'm in a situation and it's a group of people and they all want to have like some fun, like I'm gonna go have some fun and I'm not going to care what's between the legs, what's like Like, it's just I'm just gonna go with the flow and if I like it, great, If I don't like it, great too, Like, but like I told myself, I'm like, I'm going to try things

three times to make sure I don't like it. And everybody's like, well three times, I'm like, well, because the first time you try something, you might just be weirded out because you tried something that like was labeled as gay or labeled as taboo or labeled as like fetish or just wrong. I'm like, the second time you try it, maybe it was the wrong person or like you still

were on nerves. The third time you try it, you're either going to like it or be like now, fuck no. The same for me, yes, So that's why I say three times, And so a fun sexual means to me is that like I'm not in any box. I'm when it comes to sex and just sex. If I'm by myself, like not partnered, or if I'm with a partner that's open to playing with other people whatever, like if the vibe is right, we're just going to do what we want to do, like and that's the end of it.

Like at the end of the day, if I have a partner, me and my partner will go home and be with each other. And if I don't have a partner, at the end of the day, whatever, it doesn't matter, Like it just I don't look at what people do in their bedroom or behind whatever closed doors is something that we need to put a box around. I need to label it. And it's also nobody else's fucking business, like the fact that people want to know like who you're sleeping with and what kind of sex you have.

It's like, how is this your business? You know? That's It's just one of those things where it's just like people want to put a label on you because everybody wants to know everything. So it's just like I'm creating my own label and that's fun.

And for the American on the interview, could you tell tell Dabiana what a box is in Australia. What a box is? Well, she kept saying, I'm not going to be in a box.

I shouldn't feel this way. So one of the other reasons, besides the fact that I liked helping people, that I joined the Marine Corps was because I like my decision was to join the service, and then it was like, well, you might as well join the toughest service that you know that America has to office, so that way maybe

they can beat this feeling out of you. Like I literally thought that this feeling would be something that like if I did the manliest thing possible, like I wouldn't feel this way anymore.

after it. Like, what was the emotion?

moment for me afterwards. But like the concept of getting prepped and ready and putting on hair and makeup and getting dressed in something nice, or like if we went out, because we would go out in public and go to restaurants and go on dates, like all of that felt so good, but as soon as it was over, it was just like, Okay, get this stuff off me, let me get in the shower, wash my face, and go

back to being Dave. So like, it was definitely guilt that would come and go, but then as I got more comfortable in it and more happier with it, the guilt just faded away. And now this is the if they haven't had guilt in it in years.

I'm transitioning to be me. Yeah, Like that's it like this is just me, like and like I mean, just in the last like five days, I've gotten beat up on social media by some guy that is completely upset about the fact that I am not gay, that I had identify biologically as a man, and he's like he's been ongoing harassing me to the point where he's pulled up like divorce records and like went publicly telling people that I'm a threat to society because I'm not gay

and because I like women. It's been ridiculous and like to me, it's just like I don't even know how to explain it, Like it just I'm so comfortable being who I really am now that like people were expecting me to like fire back against this person, like extremely harsh and yelling extremely because he went above and beyond. He literally put up a public document from my divorce that involved my access last first and last name, my daughter's first, last and middle name, publicly put it out

there for everybody to see. Wow, And like I was just like I got online and just told them that like I fell bad farm for being this nasty of a person, and that was it for me. Like I think one of the biggest like aha, moments for me, like realizing how happy I was was. So I had a therapist for like four years, and the first day I showed up for therapy dressed, she just looked at me and she was just like like floored. Her mouth was wide open. She was just like, oh my god.

I'm like what. She goes. She goes, You're friggin shining. She goes, You're beautiful, You're glowing. She goes you, she goes, you look absolutely stunning. She goes, And I don't mean that because of like your outfit or the way your makeup looks. She goes, I just mean like she goes, like you can see it just coming out of you as to how happy you are. And I'm like, yeah, no, this is this is genuinely me. And it's like after the surgeries I've had and with the estrogen helping and

stuff like that. Like I look, whenever I'm on a podcast or I'm live with TikTok or or Instagram or whatever, like sometimes I catch myself staring at myself going, holy shit, that's that's that's you. Like Wow, that's that's you.

me a label. It's like, I think it's more about their issues than any issue you've ever had or will ever have.

feel good. And like I would take pictures and send them to my wife at the time, and like she'd be like, Oh, that looks really good, but maybe you should change your makeup a little bit. It's a little bit too heavy here, too heavy there. Like I was trying to master my craft of looking as pretty as I could being also as big and as jacked as I was with my square jaw and everything, like, because like my face was completely different from what it is now.

But like that started to become an issue to the point where I started talking to my wife about the concept of transitioning and she's like, okay, She's like, I'm

fine with it. We just got to get our daughter into therapy if you do it, and then put it on hold because just around like I want to say, like twenty nineteen, twenty twenty ish, I was already following a bunch of transgenders and crossdressers and people that were into it, and then like somebody recommended that I get a profile on Reddit to learn more about it and stuff, and I started researching doctors and all that other stuff

and the homownes the whole bit. And then I started to see within the trans community there was like, especially on Reddit, Reddit is like the worst place to be because it's like if you don't follow like certain people's ideologies of what you should be, what pronouns you should be using, and how you should go about it, Like

they really get hateful amongst each other. Like the only support that there was far each other is someone that was doing the exact thing is someone else, And if something was varying from that is somebody would always pick a fight with them and be like, oh, well you should do this first, because this is the way to

do it. And I was just like, and I saw how hateful it was, and I saw them coming out and like being polarized on social medias, and I was just like I took a backstep, and I was like, you know what, I don't want to be a part of that community, Like I don't if I transition now, and like I'm going to be labeled part of that community, like I don't want it. I'm like, they have very

hateful people. They're hateful towards each other and others. But I actually saw more hate towards each other than I did see like anywhere else, And a lot of it was like hate that they portrayed, like when people were talking about like, oh, this person clocked me today and so fucking pathetic. And I'm like, I'm like, you're six foot four and you're wearing a dress and makeup, but yet you have facial hair and you're wondering why people are staring at you, like what do you expect? Yes,

and you're getting upset stared at. But like I mean, and for me, it was like I spent a lot of time getting stared at as well, being six feet two hundred and twenty pounds and like like any dress or sleeveless shirt I wore, it was like, you know, my arms were huge, my shoulders were huge, My trap for ginormous, like and people even now say like, oh, you're gonna lose some more muscle mass, and I'm like,

I've lost so much it's ridiculous. But I spent a lot of time out in public at first, worrying about what everybody else was looking at me and what they were thinking, and it made my life miserable. So like, right around that same time, I was like, oh, this is like I can't do this, this is like it's

too much. And it wasn't until after my divorce where I started to have more free time because we have fifty custody, So like I started doing it more and more and got more comfortable with it and more happy about it and smiled more and stopped caring about what other people were looking at and focused on what I was doing, who I was with and just being happy. And I got so much more comfortable and didn't care

what people looked at. And I actually think it portrayed as like people noticed me, but I think they noticed that like I didn't care and that I was happy. So I think in that sense, I actually got treated better because I didn't look like someone who was trying to like be meek and hide. I was something that was very happy and proud of what I was doing

with myself. So I think that had a lot to do with it about my changing and my feeling better and might being like, Okay, I'm ready to do this, let's let's talk next steps.

So I really my identity was in how I looked, which of course is not super healthy, right, we know that, but lots of issues that I've spoken about many times. But do you have a complicated relationship with muscle because most dudes in the gym and a lot of girls like Tiff, I mean, Tip's on a mission. She wants to be as jacked as possible, and she's pretty fucking jacked. I'll give you the red hot Tip. And but then, like, as I've gotten older, right, obviously I've lost size, I'm

still lean, I've still got muscle. You know, I'm still probably way better than average in terms of functionality for all that shit. But what about you? Because there must have been a time where you loved being jack. You love being you know, hard as a cat said, and veins everywhere. And that was like because most young males or even older males want that. Now you're going, oh, i'm doing estrogen, I'm losing muscle, Probably my body fat's higher.

Then it's definitely higher than if I wasn't doing it. How do you navigate not the physical but the emotional and psychological around that stuff.

There was six months that were sporadically here and there that I didn't get to work out. And when I did get to work out, it was like slowly build back up to being able to handle weight and then get to a place where I felt good, and then it was like, okay, time to back off for another surgery and it would just itself. So I did a powerlifting meat a couple of months ago just to see where I was and see how much my numbers had dropped.

And my goal was to only go like a five hundred pounds less than when my last total was, and I did. I succeeded past that, which I was very happy about. So like for me mentally though, like the body change, I was very scared of losing muscle. At first, I was always like, you know what, I'm going to be a muscle barbie. I'm going to keep everything this,

that and the other thing. And since I've backed off of that and I focused more on getting like leaner and slimmer and losing some muscle size, I have come to terms that I really am appreciating how much more

feminine my body is looking. So at first was it difficult, yes, But now like when I look in the mirror, when I'm like, for instance, like the other day, I tried on a couple of different dresses that I'm going to be wearing out to a gallon this Friday, and I sent them to some girlfriends of mine and they were like holy shit, and I posted them on social media and people like, oh my god, like rock that dress and like that has really mentally helped me change my

mindset about that stuff, and like I've kind of I've gotten my mindset kind of more focused on like creating the curves that I want, you know, having a larger hip size, a smaller waist, but like keeping my quads, which they're much smaller than they were, but they still stick out quite you know, predominantly. Yeah, and my arms are probably half the die diameter that they used to circumference that they used to be, but they're still for female standards larger. But like I've come to terms with

it and being okay with it. So like I definitely thought it was going to be an issue, like right at the beginning, because even some of my friends that I lived with were like, You're gonna drop a lot of size and muscle. I'm like, I know, I know. I'm like like are you ready for that? I'm like no, I'm not. I'm like, yeah, one day at a time

and see how it goes. And seeing the progressive change not only in my face but in my body has been like like every now and then I say to myself, like, damn, girl, you're doing good. Yeah, yeah, I'm happy about it. So I definitely think that there was an intimittent period of probably about six to eight months where I was just like, oh, this sucks, but I'm I'm past that now to the point where I'm very happy with the way my body is starting to turn out.

it was recently. You were you were in a store and you you and a person, a dude, were leaving at the same time, and he kind of looked at you and went oh and opened the door for you opening the door for a lady. And then I was just wondering though when you went, yeah, thank you. So there's Daviana and then Dave speaks like, how the fuck do people respond? Because you look a certain way that you don't sound it.

voice deep. Estrogen will not slim them out. So I do do voice training, and when I'm not talking fast like this and I just have one or two words to say, like thank you or something like that, I can manipulate my voice. So it's a little bit softer, not as deep, a little bit more high pitched, and I changed the way I end what I say and it sounds a lot more feminine. My voice right now is actually lighter than it normally is. So when they tested it on I'm not sure if it was decibels

they measured or what. But the depth of my voice when I first started was measured at like a thirty five or forty, which, from what they said, is like holy shit, like some of the deepest voices tested. Yes, now, on average, I'm sitting around sixty five seventy, but with practice, I can get it up to like ninety. But what they want me at I wanted me to get to, which is the average female voice somewhere like the one

sixty to two hundred range. Chances are I'm not going to get there without getting the vocal cord surgery, which means they just shave down each vocal cord and you can't talk for a couple of weeks, and then it's just it's it sounds different, the pitch is different, the tone is different. And then with more voice therapy, you

get to sound the way you want. So when someone opens the door for me and I respond by saying thank you, I changed the way I breathe and I changed the way I speak, you can hear me saying now, so look, I'll give you an example. So here's thank you right now, thank you. Okay, yeah, but now my regular voice would be more like, thank you, this is my real voice.

We went to sex clubs, all sorts of stuff like that. When we got pregnant and had a child, she basically thought that all that was going to be over right, and that started. That was the start of the disconnect. I say so that was probably the beginning of the end, because when I met her, I told her point blank, like this is what I'm into, this is what I like to do, and she was like, great, I'm in let's go. And I was like, awesome, I met someone

that's just as open minded as me. Yeah, only to find out that when she wanted to start a family, she just expected that to disappear. So I mean kind of chalk it up as to like almost like false advertisement, Like you said you were into me for me, but now it's like you have a child, Like now you expect me to just aandomly change like just like that. And I'm like, oh, so that was the That was the beginning of the end, and it just progressed to

our worse. But I didn't transit until two years later, three years.

and the other thing. And I just want to say that your message is great, and like, you know, I don't exactly agree with what you're doing, but I love the way that you're handling it, you know, the way you told your daughter. Because I have that story out in public, Like, I get a lot of support from regular people.

like we can't be friends. Also, by the way, you're wrong, I'm right. It's and this could be about as you know, like in the gym, right, this could be on how to train. There are crossfits, bullshit, crossfits amazing. You know, being a vegan stupid. Being a carnival is stupid. Like there are the echo chambers for every facet of.

have an adult conversation and anything. And I don't want to have anything to do.

it's there's no way it's possible. It's even when people are like, oh, well, you got to let them transition, because you know, youth trends, you know, self unliving is like the largest thing ever, and it's like, Nope, it isn't. Actually the threat of it is, but the actual happening of it is just not there. So, like, the first

thing I looked into was the brain. The prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for decision, in making a hasty decisions, rational decision is not matured until for the most part, mid twenties. Okay, then you have the concept of what it means to actually either a take a puberty blocker or b start giving kids hormones. A lot of things that can be reversed if it's done short term, but if it's done for a couple of years,

a lot of things won't be reversed. And now if that kid decides to transition later in life like back, then they're going to be stuck with things that just don't work right. So my goal is to keep kids away from transitioning as long as possible. If not, you know, convince them that they don't need it. There's so many The rate is to which I talk to parents that have little girls that want to be boys is way higher of a rate that I have parents that call me that have girl boys that want to be girls.

And I think the biggest thing to do with that is that nobody believes in tomboys anymore. You have so many girls running around, like wanting to play with their brothers, wanting to play football, wanting to get on a four wheel or wanting to go hunting, wanting to build stuff, and wanting to have short hair and to just wear like loose clothing and stuff like that. So they instantly

think that like, okay, I must be a boy. And the next thing you know, they're telling their mom or they're hanging out with their friends and their friends are claiming that they're non binary or whatever. So like they just think it's like, Okay, this is the right path for me. And then on top of that, you have so many parents that are just so freaking soft it's ridiculous.

Like I was pretty much raised with an iron fist, and then joining the Marine Corps when I was still a kid just kind of reiterated that iron fist of like this is the way shit is. End of story. And so many parents reach out to me and they're like, well, you just you know, I love my kid and I want to support them as much as possible, no matter what. And I'm like, okay, great. So, like, if your kid wants to jump off a bridge, are you going to

go down there and watch them do it? They're like like, okay, if your kid wants to join the military at age twelve, are you going to sign paperwork and let them do it?

and like do you see the world differently? Like as your emotional state changed, you're thinking change speaking of the prefrontal corn cortex, do you is it? How is it different for the person living in that new reality?

what they did good at. And then I started to actually compliment people, and people like, holy shit, somebody get that on recording. Dave just complimented me. It's like, oh yeah, I love that. So I think I've become a nicer and a softer individual in that aspect mentally as far as how I see the world, Like my dad was a very very calm individual, like always just super calm about any situation, very laid back, and like I feel like I've always been the same way. There's always been

very few things that could really trigger me. Other than that I just be like, eh, whatever. And now it's like even less like like like like I would say I probably was an a very aggressive driver. Now not so much at all. You know. I have my moments where I like to really beat on my truck because it's a nice truck and it sounds nice. But other than that, like I get in the middle lane and the highway and just kind of cruise slowly like I'm

very comfortable, which is you know, a normal driver. I don't rush around all day long with my you know, feel like my I just feel like there's so much to do and so little time to do. It like it's like tomorrow, It'll get done tomorrow. If it doesn't get done tomorrow, I get done the next day. You know,

there's priorities and stuff like that. But like, just as business wise, I'm very quick to like if I get a client that I know is just going to cause me stress, like I'm just like, no, not having you. I'm all set, don't need it. I'll make money other way. If it's not enough money, I'll make it other ways, you know. And I think that would have something to do with the lack of testosterone on my body. Like and most people that transition from male to female have

to go on testosterone blockers. I didn't. My test cross is actually averaging lower than most females testosterone on its own. Wow, which is like it was like another thing to be like, oh yeah, so maybe I was supposed to be a woman, Like as a little kid when I was so skinny, like I had I had guyno when I was a kid, like I had puffy nipples and everything. And wow, never way until I started like really getting serious into getting strong.

So like it's like, okay, here's another thing that I realized that, like, you know, maybe my body was supposed to be female when I was a kid, but something just got crossed, you know, because I had all these thoughts and I had obviously had hormone and balances that you know, weren't prepared for as a male, you know.

And when we finally when we went to get uh checked by the doctors to start having a child, like, so the first thing he said to me was like, oh, you're testosterones all like too low for you to have a baby. So they put me on HGG and that way we got pregnant that way. But it's just like, yeah,

kind of explains a lot, you know. That and the fact that I was always in the shoes and girls clothing, and like, you know, I never minded going shopping with women, Like I would be like, oh, yeah, we want to go shopping for a dress school, let's go, Like I'll help you. Think I wasn't the I wasn't the husband that would stay at home being like bye, see you later, go away.

it was fine. My parents, my dad, like I said, laid back, didn't even say I don't even think he spoke when I when I told both him and my mom, and when I told my mom and I showed her a picture of me dressed as a woman, her response was literally like yeah, not surprise.

in the United States. But like you know, I would love to be able to do it. But like I can't just fly around everywhere for free. I need to get paid to do it. And if I could get enough, just enough to like cover expenses in my cost of living while I'm gone, like I would do it. I got this is something as a coach, Like so I went and met with like so many of the best

coaches all across the world. When I was younger and first became a coach, I spent eight years like researching the best power is the best strong man, the best agility coaches, the best speed and performance coaches, and sock them out to learn from them. It cost a fortune, like so, like I would love to be able to

continue to coach people. And one of the biggest things that like, I had a couple of millionaire mentors in the fitness industry that I've met with, and the first thing they said to me is, like, you care too much about other people and not enough about your income. Like it's a great trait, but at the same time, it's not a great trait because like if someone came to me and was like, hey, I need help with this and help with that, and I'm like, all right, great,

let's get started. And if they came to a point where like I can't afford it, and I'd be like, Okay, well I don't want to lose like stride here, so let's just keep going. And when you could afford to pay me, you start paying me again, and eventually they would start paying me again. But sometimes I'd be training people for free for like a year, Like I just I'm so passionate about making sure people are educated that I don't look after myself.

put a bullet in me. They're just gonna be like, yeah, we don't like you.

So it's like and all this because I just want to talk common sense and it's it's it's a sad world we live in today. So it's like, you know, I told my friend I was, like, the one thing I would do if I would do it is a common sense approach. I would do it from behind bulletproof class.