#2103 Coaching Time - Harps

just Me the other day. Seemed to go okay. We had someone booked in for tomorrow, which is Wednesday, recording today Tuesday, and they pulled the pin and they had a very good reason, So that is all good. Even if they don't have a good reason, it's all good because they're all guests and they're all being generous. But so I thought I might. I was thinking to myself self self, what are you going to do? What are you going to do that might be of value? That's simple,

that's potentially helpful. That is kind of tied in with my work. I've just started taking on just quietly in the background. There one or two coaching clients. I've reigned it back over the last few years because of all the stuff that I will not mention because the stuff

gets too much airtime. But I thought I might share some of the now For those of you who've heard me a thousand times, this will be some of it revision or repetition, so please feel free too fast forward to the next episode or wait for the next episode. But these are really kind of fundamental questions that I find helpful, but only if we ask an answer and then do something off the back of the asking and answering,

you know what I mean. So it's all well and good to recognize something that needs to change, or something that we're not doing or should be doing, or something that's ineffective or something that's you know, self sabotaging or whatever. That's good to recognize it and then to take ownership of it acknowledge it. But then where the change happens

is not in either of those first two steps. Where the change happens, obviously, is when we get a bit strategic, create a plan, we make some decisions, we execute the plan, we do something, and we start to see some results in our world. We've spoken recently a little bit about the idea of your life being a kind of a project. Of course, ergo the you project and the reality that things are not going to magically. You're not going to

magically succeed. You're not going to magically or mysteriously fall on your feet. Nobody's going to knock on the door. The Opportunity Fair is not going to knock on the door and hand your fucking unicorn. It's not going to happen.

So the truth is for many of us, not you necessarily, but for many humans, me included, at times there are periods of our life, could be weeks, could be months, could be years, could be fucking decades where we keep doing what doesn't work, but we keep doing the thing like we recognize, Ah, I need to obviously, just a

practical example, I need to get in shape. Some people have been saying that for ten years while not actually really really having a crack, not really making hard decisions, not really doing difficult things, not really pushing the needle on the effort, not being consistent, not owning up and stepping up, while all the time recognizing that their current trajectory with their health and their diet and their lifestyle is probably heading down a path of destruction. No judgment

in that, no criticism in that. That's just literally what happens. And you don't need to be a genius to look at the stats on obesity and obesity related diseases and all of that to figure out that we're not heading in the right direction. Despite the fact that we know more stuff, We've got more podcasts. We didn't have podcasts, not that they're all good, not that these ones are all good sometimes, but we've got more information. We've got

more access to academic research and studies. You don't need to be an academic. You don't need to be a high level kind of PhD or master's or honors student or anything like that. You can go into academic search engines and find whatever you want to find. You know, sometimes it's a bit tricky, but you can just go into a bunch of just go into Google as a starting point and say, give me the top five academic search engines and BIBD Bobby boot. Now you've got access

to actual science, not opinions about science. So when somebody says I did my research, you know, I've been taking this and I go, why are you taking that? I did my research? And usually what I did my research means is I watched three videos from people who had no academic qualification in the field of which they were speaking. That's often what it means, not always, but even then

we need to be careful. We need to be careful that we're not paying attention to the wrong people, or we're not trusting people who perhaps need to earn that. And even with the stuff that I share and download to you, all I have said forever, don't believe me because I resonate with you, or I talk the way

that you enjoy, or I sound credible. The best I can hope for from you is to think about what I'm saying and if it sounds reasonable or a good idea, like the things I'm about to share with you tonight. And if you decide off the back of any of the questions that I'm about to share with you fundamental basic change your life type, change your thinking, change your habits, change your outcomes type questions. If you decide that you're going to roll the dice and you're going to take

action and do one of those things, that's cool. That's cool. But also remember not everything works for everybody. So maybe in my case, specific to me and you our relationship, think about what I say, does that sound logical to you, do I sound like I know what the fuck I'm talking about? And then can you see perhaps the potential benefits in asking that question, answering that question, and then do doing something doing something off the back of that.

And this is how I guess. A frustration point of mine after twenty one hundred episodes is that just so many people don't do anything. So many people listen to I'm not talking about you guys necessarily, I'm just talking broadly, even people who've come to I've met I know people by face now who come to my workshops, a lot of them, and there are some people who've probably been to twenty workshops of mine over the years, and God

bless them. This is not obviously I'm not talking about an individual here, but they still don't do the work. They like the words, they like the energy, they like the ideas. They come, they get a bit inspired, a bit motivated. The inspiration goes, the motivation goes, and then the behaviors go, and now three weeks later they're back

at status quo. They're back where they were, and they're waiting for the next emotional rollercoaster to jump on, or the push or the next shove or the next light bulb or whatever it is, and it just doesn't work. It's it's our ability to succeed. And I've said this many times, is it's about a lot of stuff. It's not about one thing. So when someone says to you, I've probably done this, So if I have, I was wrong.

But when someone says to you, you know, success is all about this, that's bullshit because it's not all about one thing. It's about a multitude of things. But like one of the ones I'm going to share with you, one of the ideas I'm going to share with you tonight is extremely important. I would say it's definitely in the top three. But we'll get to that when we get to that, all right, So I'm just gonna I've actually got ten questions. This could end up being too

I want to keep it short. I've already been banging on for nine minutes, right, I want to keep it short, So it might be five and then maybe I'll do another five. But question one is what's my life telling me? I always think about that for myself. I always think about what are my relationships saying, what's my energy saying?

What are the outcomes? And results that I'm producing at work, at university, on the stage, on the podcast, with friends, with family, with individual projects with for example, Melissa who runs my life. You know, like, am I what am I like? For her? Like? Does her behavior tell me that I don't get it? Sometimes? Sometimes it does? Does her behavior like am I a person that she enjoys working with and being around? Like that really matters to me?

Because who the fuck wants to work with somebody that either they don't like or don't like being around? Right, so we don't have to be best is, but I'm it matters to me that she really enjoys the work relationship and also the work, and that information is there. You just need to open your eyes. You just need to pay attention. You just need to ask great questions about things and shut the fuck up and stop trying to get an opinion or an idea across and stop

trying to win. Ask somebody a question if you want to know how that's going, and then truly listen, truly try to understand, truly try to do something smart off the back of that piece of information and insight that

you get. So your life is always giving you data, as we call in science data or information or feedback, and then it's the important thing is to in the context of all of those things, and not immediately and not overnight, and we're not going to change the world by the weekend, right, But it is to think about, all, right, well, when I eat this way, or when I communicate this way with these people, when I approach this issue with my boss or with my sister or with my children,

it's just for whatever reason, it's a fucking catastrophe. And often it's because of them. In fact, it's almost all because of them. Then you go, oh, hang on, let me bring my good friend's self awareness into the situation and humility and honesty and accountability and personal responsibility. And I go, okay, well, with this person, I am producing

some not very good results. And even though I want it to be him or her, it's either entirely me or maybe a little bit me, or maybe somewhere in between. And the chances are most of the time it's somewhere in between. Of course, that there are times when it won't really be you at all, or it might be

all you. But and this is the challenge to be able to like really grow and learn and evolve, really not just bullshit on a podcast, not just another fucking mantra, and not another cliche bloody post that we put on the wall or we put on our iPhone or whatever. All those things are cool. But I guess it, well, I'm going to I'm going to read my next question because it's dependent on this, I believe. So the next question is am I ready to do the work right?

So they go together, like I'm getting all this starter, I'm getting all this information if I'm putting on my big boy pants or in your case, perhaps big girl pants, and I'm ready to take ownership. I'm ready to stop thinking I'm right all the time. I'm ready to stop having to be right. Like that's a curse, that's ego, that's bullshit, that's in security, that's fear. You don't fucking need that. You're better than that. You don't need to be right all the time, you need to be well.

This is me telling you, of course, way up what I'm saying, But I suggest you humble and aware and open to feedback. I'm not talking about criticism from haters. I'm talking about, like what I'm saying right now, the value in what I'm saying right now is not in the words I'm saying, but rather in your ability to be able to consume the words, analyze the words, think about the words, think about whether or not there's some millimeter of truth in it for you, and then do

something with that, do the work. Like everybody wants to be wealthier not most people want to make more do Most people want to be in better shape. Most people want better relationships. Most people want a better career or a better business or. Most people want less stress. Most people want less anxiety. Most people want to be more grounded. Most people want to be the calm in the cars cool. All of those things don't fucking magically happen. You wanting

to be calmer doesn't make you calmer. You wanting to be leaner and stronger and healthier and more functional doesn't do anything until you wrap that want, until you wrap that desire in some behavior, and then, on top of that, some fully fucking committed This is what I'm doing now. This is not what I'm trying for the twentieth time. No, this is my new normal. And if it's not fun,

that's cool. It's not quick, don't give a shit. If it's not easy, great I'm building resilience, I'm building understanding, I'm building strength, I'm building emotional and the situational awareness. I'm becoming a better version of me. So let's bring on the fucking hard, because I tell you what, where we don't grow is in the easy, and there's the irony. We want the easy because easy is comfortable, familiar, certainty, It's all that shit we love. But guess what, none

of that makes us stronger or better. I'm not saying we need to live in in pain and uncertainty and adversity. Of course we don't. But there will be times when you and I are required in order to get where we want to go, achieve our goals, reach our mountaintop, whatever the fucking metaphor you want to choose, there will be times when you and I are just required if we want to succeed to do the thing. What's the thing you need to do? I need to walk five

k's a day. Cool? Start tomorrow? Ah but albit, arbit, fuck, albit, just fucking start tomorrow. Is it hard? Probably? Is it convenient? Probably not? Is it? Does it take a long time? A bit? Yep? Is it going to blow your life up? Nah? Will you be all right, yep, can you do it

in three installments so it's more convenient instead of one. Yet, whatever, whatever the thing is, figure out the thing that you need to do, not you hope you'll do, not you might get to one day on the fucking today do list of your life when all the planets are aligned and the angels arrived on the window with a fucking message from you know who and you know where, and just do the fucking thing that you keep talking about or hoping to do or intending to do, and stop

waiting for the feeling that you're waiting for of inspiration and motivation. Like, think about this, And I know this is extreme, but let's say this is going to sound traumatic, So for those who don't like this kind of little metaphor,

I apologize. But let's say you really should walk half an hour a day, and you've known that for ten years because you don't do any cardio, you don't ride a bike, you don't you know, let's just say, and of course there's way more ways to do it, but let's just say walking half an hour, and you know you really should walk half now maybe forty five minutes right each day, just to move your body because you sit a lot, and outside of structured exercise, there's not

a lot of calorie expenditure. And you've been telling people and others, I need to start walking every day. I need, you know, But the kids this, and the family that's and work that, and you know, my loa back and blah blah, and then it's five years, and then it's ten years. Now let's say let's say now that there's no absolute reason why you can't walk, but let's say

it's possible you're not injured. Right if, in some alternate reality, the cost of you not walking for a year, so three hundred and sixty five days in a row, was that something fucking terrible would happen in your life. I won't identify the terrible because we don't need to get

too specific. But let's say that you've got to walk five k's a three hundred and sixty five days in a row, and or something horrendous is going to happen, something that you would truly fucking dread that, and it'll happen the next day, the first day you have off. Let's make it that day. Okay, So you're not walking today and you get to the end of the day and the horrible thing happens. Now. I know that's melodramatic, and I know that's fucking ridiculous. I get all of that,

But my point is who would not do it? I would think almost nobody. And I've had this conversation with people and I said, if it was life and death, would you absolutely do it? And they went, well, if it's life and death, of course I'll do it. So the point is not about it needs to be life and death. The point is, given the right circumstances, we absolutely know we can do it, because we just prove that with this silly little kind of analogy or this

thought experiment, right, we know we can. We're not saying run a fucking marathon. We're not saying bench press three hundred pounds. We're not saying, you know, climb a mountain. We're not saying do one hundred chin ups a day. We're saying, walk at the pace that you walk at for thirty minutes. If you've got to do it in six five minute installments or ten three minute installments, or fifteen two minute installments or one thirty minute, doesn't fucking matter.

We're still moving. We're still walking for thirty minutes, right, And so the thing is we need to be prepared to stop fucking talking about things that we're not going to do and start doing the things. And when you start doing the thing, and this has me being coaching coach to little Bossy Craig, And I'm telling you this for a reason. I'll explain the reason in a moment. When you do it, don't tell one hundred people, don't post about it on Instagram, don't post about it on Facebook.

Maybe in a month or three maybe, But why Because what happens is when we start something like that and we look for attention, we look for accolades, we look for praise, and that's exactly what we do. We go, oh, I'm doing this, I'm so good, I'm so proud of me, and that that you're fucking walking. Bro, Come on, you don't need a trophy for just not being a dickhead. You don't need a trophy for walking. But this is

where we're fucking at in twenty twenty six. We want a plaque and a fucking round applause, the round of applause, and a ribbon and a trophy and fifteen thousand pats on the back for doing something that is in no way exceptional. This is how low our standards have become. I'm not trying to be a ball breaker. I'm trying to help you get strong. I'm trying to help you be resourceful. I'm trying to help you be the answer in your life. I'm not the answer in your life.

I haven't changed any lives. I have not changed one life. Craig Harper is not the answer to anyone for anything. Craig Harper is a bloke that says stuff. Now you think, oh, and some people go, oh, that's not true, Harps, you changed my life. I've had a lot of people say that, which is really nice, and you know, my ego loves that shit, right, But it's not true though. It just isn't true because I said the same thing to a thousand other people who did nothing. So it isn't about me.

It's about you, because you're the one. You're the one that did the thing. You're the one that heard the words. You're the one that operationalized the plan, the idea, the intention. You're the one who kept going. You're the one who got uncomfortable. You're the one who did the fucking work, while others just keep talking about what they're going to do but never do. So much of success, so much of you changing your life and your body and your outcomes and all the shit that needs to be changed.

So much is about mindset. So much is about your ability to be able to just fucking hold on. You feel like shit? Cool? I'm sorry you feel like shit? What can you do? Can you walk a bit? Yeah? I can, but not for long because I'm real tired. Can you walk five minutes? Cool? Okay? And a few hours walk another five? You've got to walk around the house for five cool? Or maybe it's not thirty minutes, maybe it's fifteen for you. Obviously, I'm just giving an example.

Maybe it's not walking at all. Maybe it's something else. You know it, but that the idea is stop fucking waiting for the mystical, magical, mythical, right time, for the crowd, for the approval, for the applause. It is emotional and psychological kryptonite. It makes you weak because then you have a new addiction. And now your addiction is not fucking chocolate and cake. Now your addiction is approval from others. Now your addiction is to put shit on Instagram or

Facebook to show people how amazing you are. And then all those positive comments you get back, that's like fucking cocaine for your ego. And then but what about when they stop, Well, you've got to pump it up or what about note, So this is why we don't need that. You want that, maybe, but you don't need that. What you need is to make yourself the best version of you that you can be. All right, I'm going to

finish with Have I done two or three? I think only two I do bang on, so I've got a bunch more, but I'm just going to do one more because I want to keep this succinct, and I probably do another one very soon. If you like these, by the way, if you enjoy this and this is you know, it's never going to be one or the other. But and I'm not seeking accolades. I just want to know what my audience likes. If you go, hey, you know

those solo ones, fuck off with those, no problem. I'll just do interviews, right So, but if this kind of no bullshit, you know, I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone. I know someone gets some people get offended by me. Totally understand that. Got a message from a lady last night who sounds absolutely love me lovely, who's been following me for years, who's got a couple of kids. She told me how disappointed she's in me lately because of my language. And firstly, I'm so brave for reaching

out and saying that. But what I loved about her was she didn't attack me. She didn't. It wasn't horrible. It was actually quite compassionate and nice and honest. And it must have taken real courage because I got the sense that she's in the kind of person who does this. So if you're listening to this, young lady, you know who you are. I appreciate you, and I appreciate what you said, and I understand and it's and it's valid,

you know. Anyway, here we go. So my last question, which should be briefish, is what's the best question that I can ask regarding this thing, this problem, this challenge, this goal, this need, this situation, this circumstance, this environment, this person. What's the best question that I can ask? So I want to put myself in a psychological and

emotional state via the questions that I ask. Where I am more likely to solve a problem where I'm more likely to come up with a solution, where I am more likely to create a sense of connection, not disconnection, and more likely to create a better result. So you know, for example, if we're talking about my work, I could say, like, here's a few questions about my work, Craig, where do you Where do you enjoy working most or what situation or circumstance or environment, And the true is, well, I

like working from home. I love doing my stuff on stage, that would be my favorite, but you can't do that all day every day. I love where I am right now, which is sitting in my office talking into a mic thinking. By the way, I have absolutely no notes in front of me, not one note. I just have the questions

jotted down, but zero notes. And what this does for me when I'm in this space that I'm very familiar with, I can I actually can not always, but like even now, I feel like I'm in a little bit of flow, right, I feel like I'm in a little bit of flower habitat sabotage myself now, but where I can get into a space and a rhythm where I can do this thing well. Right, So what's what's the best way for me to do solo episodes. It's the way I'm doing it right now. It's sitting in my office, got trees

outside my window. Birds. A bird just chirped like a little motherfucker. You probably didn't hear it, but yeah, I'm sitting here in shorts, t shirt, bare feet, and I love it. It's the perfect environment for me to create. It's the perfect environment for me to reflect and think critically and to try to with all of that going on, to try to have a level of awareness around what is this experience like for my listeners right now, right now as you hear this anyway, So always thinking about

all right in this situation, what's the best question? It could be like I want to do weights? How should I wait train? That's a good question. Should I train two days a week or five days a week, that's a good question. Should I do dumb bells, bar bells, free weights? Should I do pinloaded? Should I do kettle bells? Should I do train one on one with someone for a while. Should I get a program at a regular old gym and train myself? Should I do pilates because

that's a kind of strength training. Maybe I could go to fucking rock climbing because I'm an outdoorsy type and I love that shit, right, So it's not even with the should I do say strength training question? Well, the answer is for most people, it's definitely going to be of value, right, So I can't say to you you should You need to figure that out. But most people, even including my eighty six year old parents, to do some strength training is a benefit for me at sixty two,

it's of value. And then it's like, well, how hard should I train? How often should I train? Should I do lots of reps on lightweight? Should I do less reps on heavyweights? Is there an advantage if I do a bench press on a ball versus on a bench? Is there? You know? Like should I do overhead lifting like a military press or a shoulder press? What about the compression on my spine because I had a back

at Da Da da, All these things. So we get to good answers, We get to good answers and good behaviors with good questions because the question is a light that's going to be showe eventually on the answer and the behavior, and you know, the ongoing kind of process. It could be like here's a really great question. When I eat this way or this particular food or this meal, but when I eat at this time of the day,

what does my body tell me? Because your body's telling you stuff all the time, what's your body telling you? It could be I don't love my work? What is that about? What is that about? Is it about the people? Is it about the environment? Is it about the role that I'm in? Is it about the pressure the responsibility? Is about the fact that I sit in a fucking cubicle? Is it the fact that I'm working real hard I'm not getting recognition. Is it about the fact that I

think I've kind of maxed out my opportunities. There's no clear path upward for me, and I want to be moving up the ladder. But bah bah all of that. So you know, even to this point specifically, you might say, all right, that was good. Where the fuck do I start? So I'm going to coach you right now, and you can do whatever you want with this. If this episode resonated with you, like if I was coaching me or I was coaching you, I would say, did this really

resonate with you? And I know this will resonate strongly with some of you, some of you be like, ah, that's cool, and some of you have already tuned out,

and that's cool too. But I'm saying, if all you, if this resonated for you, if this was meaningful for you, if you think that this, ah, these ideas and these words and these strategies could genuinely help you move the needle on your life and your outcomes and the quality of your experiences, then I would suggest take the thirty odd minutes whenever it is, might be in five or

ten minute installments. But listen to it again with a notepad and a pen, or a computer whatever, a laptop and keyboard or bloddy, oh no they have a you know what I'm saying. Listen to it again. Jot down some questions, jot down some ideas. The stuff that's not so relevant for you doesn't matter. Leave that the stuff that is relevant. Write it down and then think about it, and then plan about it, and then timeline it and

then do something. Don't look for approval, don't tell everyone like your ability to do the work without people watching, without people knowing, without people rewarding you, this is the challenge, and of course you can do it in front of others and you'll get all the stuff. And I'm not saying that's terrible, you know, if you do the work

and you've got to support crew and call. But what I care about, equally as the results that you were getting, I care about who you are becoming through this process. So in a lot of self help stuff, it almost feels like, oh, we're trying to manage everything. We're trying to manage the world. We're trying to manage all of

these external variables. To usk. Guess what. You can't really manage shit, neither can I. You can influence things, you can talk about things, you can you know, there are some things we can move the needle on it a little bit. But guess what you can absolutely fucking renovate the shit out of. And that is you. That is your thinking and your habits and your behaviors and your questions and your outcomes. So perhaps perhaps the challenge is not to change my external world, but to navigate it

intelligently while renovating my internal world. Enjoy the journey.