I get a team. It's Harps, it's Tiff, it's the project that you were a Sunday. This could this could go anywhere, probably be pretty What are you doing adjusting your mind because this is your fucking first time. That's a me thing. That's that's what you yell at me for. Do better? Oh oh sorry, it's just my first one. Oh you're just fucking deaf.
And if you didn't throw me in the body to the wolves, then I could have edited that out and no one would have known. But now everyone gets to peek behind the curtain and see what are you ship store risk and turn out to be?
What a fuck fest of mayhem it is on a Sunday. No, that's all right. Praise the Lord, Hi Ti.
Hi Harps. Happy Sunday, Happy Sunday.
Happy. I'm going to say happy Sunday to our listeners. Doesn't matter what day it is, Happy Sunday. I hope you're having a good day. Good morning, you know, just out there doing God's work, your little fuckers, and just sowing seeds of love and joy wherever you go, because we can, we can. What have you been up to? What's the time? It's two twenty it's two twenty in the PM, or as all my military and cop friends say, fourteen twenty. What are you up to? What do you mean up to?
I've been in the gym all morning training clients. That was fabulous. One of my one of my former podcast guests who I love, rocked up with one of my clients and that was really exciting because I didn't know they were coming. So that was that was a real treat. Then I left there, went and picked up my fair child. She likes to go and have a little little hangout
with a friend on Sunday afternoons. And here we are behind Mike adjusting our mic, ready to have an epic conversation with the Guru, Craig Anthony Harper almost doctor.
Listen to you, fucking hell, you've you've learned. You know what you've learned how to do to shit at an elite level.
I wonder where that came from.
Yeah, do you know what we should do this for this episode? Do you know that picture that you just showed me of the two gorillas? Yeah, just describe to people what that is. I reckon we should use that. So if you never look at the U Project Facebook page, or you never go to the I don't know where the fuck it goes. But if you go have a look at the youth, I don't know where's it goes.
It's a group.
Do you project Facebook and you'll see what we're talking about. But describe to people this image that is the metaphor in your head of you and I.
So it is there's a big gorilla sitting there and then there's a little gorilla standing in front of him, super straight, with his hands behind his back, or let's say her hands behind her hybrid back, listening astuteley. And it's a metaphor for me coming out of the bamboo and listening intently on what I can learn from the guru harps. And as you can hear everyone, it's starting to starting to rub off, taking hold a rapid type base.
Do you know what's funny is you know when you spend time around people, it's almost like linguistic osmosis or vocabulary osmosis, where just it's like it fucking rubs off on. I think I just invented two terms. You're welcome, dictionary, fuck you, hey, dear websters, put myne give me the credit. But Melissa, every now and then, Melissa, who compared to you and me, is like the queen. Like people who don't know Melissa, because like Melissa used to be on
half the podcast for the first few years. Now she's like a fucking unicorn. It's like trying to get her on the podcast is like trying to get the Pope on the podcast. Right, it's probably easier to get the pope, but anyway, she's very what's the word not proper, not like pompous. But she's like the other end of the scale. You and I are up the fucking bogan sweary, inappropriate, you know, look at me, look at me. She's like down the other end, don't look at me, don't notice me.
Just want to go under the radar. But every now and then she uses words that are absolutely not her, they're me, but she uses it in a Melissa sentence, and I'm like, that's the other day she said to me, you know, because I don't say money or alcohol, I say doe and booze. Right, So every now and then she'll say something about, you know, making some dough in twenty twenty six, that's just so funny, or she'll talk about her old man drinking booze, and I'm like, where,
who even are you? And it's just funny to hear words that she would never have used. She not rubbed up against me metaphorically for fifteen years of her life. I don't think this is a good thing, by the way, I don't think. I don't think these are positive attributes
that she's acquired. But nonetheless, it's that you know when you're around or even if it might be people that you just listen to a lot or like a lot, Like I've listened to well over a thousand of Rogan's podcasts, and I know some people hate him, some people love him, but like him or hate him. Is the biggest podcast on the planet. Sometimes he says things I disagree with, sometimes I agree with. Some shows are funny, some are boring.
You know, but when you listen to a lot of a personal, read a lot of a personal or even like for me being in you know, an academic setting for six years, like there are certain words that I use now that I didn't ever use. There are certain ideas that I unpack regularly because I've been bumping up against that language and those concepts, And so you don't think, oh, I'm going to stay to incorporate this word or this idea or this concept, but it just becomes part of
your default setting, where oh, now you're different. Like if fifty year old me have heard current me talk, I might think, why the fuck do I talk like that? I don't use those words, But it's just it's just an unconscious byproduct of who you're around. I think.
Yeah, I've had I remember in the early days editing a podcast and I had to stop and google a word that I had used to make sure it was an academic word. I'm sure I can't remember what it was now, but I was like, where'd that come from? And have I used that correctly? Because that's not a me word, you know, And that's just a result of Obviously, that particular word had been used enough with enough context
that I now understood what it meant. But I was like, if you had have asked me, what does this define? This word? Obviously I wasn't really sure because I had to google it and make sure that I had used it in the right context.
Yes, yes, and you know what's interesting, go on? Go on?
No, I was just going to say, I remember at school being like really quick to mimic, like I would pick things up who the people I spent time with, I would talk like them, And it wasn't intentional. It was like, oh, you sound like you're just copying them. That just being around people really quickly changed how I would speak and what I would say.
I guess also not dissimilar to going. You know, if you went and lived in America for five years, you'd come back and probably as an adult you wouldn't have
a totally American accent. But if fourteen or twelve year old TIF went over, you would come back five years later and sound totally American and at no stage are you probably may I think some people do try to get an accent, but most people it's like, oh, you know, you come back and you just over time, you've just you become a version of in terms of accent, you become a version of whoever you're around. And you know that that's saying hang out with people who drag you up.
It's like when I spend time with, say Chris, who's my senior supervisor at university, you know, but my listeners might not, so I need to explain that. But you know, Chris speaks. I think he speaks six or seven languages. You know, he's a professor. He's got two PhDs. He's one of the smartest people I know. Also really good guy. I was going to say user friendly, but he is kind of user friendly, isn't he, Because he's not like,
he's easy to talk to. He's funny, he's easy to be around, but he also has this fucking vast brain. And I love being around him one because I like him and we've become good friends and i've you know, we've done this two way kind of transplant. He spent the last three years, three and a half years training in the gym with me, where he was a total newbie.
Didn't know what a bench best was, didn't know I mean he theoretically knew, but where he had no skills, no, no, you know, trained strength everything you know, is like a newborn fole in the gym, he was like, you know, all over the shop. And now three and a half years down the track, it's quite strong, he's quite trained, he's quite proficient. He's not the white belt anymore. He
understands the language. He understands like the culture of training and the gym culture, and you know, sets and reps and volume and workload and recovery and progressive overload. He understands the theory and the practicality, but I never at any stage taught him that intentionally. It's just a by
product of doing it and being around me. Also, the conversations that I can have with him now about research and science and understand what we're bringing new things into the world, and all of the kind of the new wants of what it is to do academia at a high level, well that's totally changed as well, you know, And you think, oh, isn't this Isn't this a nice byproduct where I've learned and evolved and grown and I have a different vocabulary, And he's influenced my worldview and
my the way that I perceive and process and understand things for the better. Conversely, and I'll shut up after this, But conversely, you know, and I had to say this, but it's just true. Some people are fucking energy vampires. And if you I know, a few of my friends and a few of my followers and listeners have spoken to me about the fact that they just happened to work with people who are versions, who are a version of that. They didn't choose them, they don't want to
be around them. They just situationally interwoven with them. Where you know, and it's like, that's going to affect you the other way. That's going to drag you down, that's going to fuck you.
Up one percent. There's been several times I can recall in life where I have sat down, stepped back, looked at things that are going on. The times I'm thinking of were good times, and I'm like, oh, you know, I feel I'm getting great opportunities. There's really great stuff happening. I feel really lucky, and I actually sit down and
look at who I have intentionally spent time with. And I remember, specifically twenty twenty when all that chaos was happening and I'd done so much net I'd created so many great relationships through networking over the years that every time I have transitioned from working to PT, from PT to podcasting and changed business well when I did Overseas fitness treats, anytime I launched something and transitioned, there were support that those people supported me, and they weren't just
business contacts. I'd actually I looked at them and I went, oh, they came from there, but I developed really strong relationship and friendships with them, and that's why things are going well. And that's why I see the opportunities or create the opportunities and feel supported to do so. And it's it's not like it's not really luck, is it. It feels like luck, But when you look at the actions you've taken and the places you've put yourself in, then it's not really just luck.
Well, you think about the process that you've been through. If I get a bit of this wrong, correct me on the dates and numbers. But for the last six or so months with the group that you've been involved in, the speaking group, so you're around all these people who want to do what you do. Some of them have got no experience, some a little, some a bit, some
quite a bit. And then you've got this lady who's a mentor and a teacher and a coach, and there's this structure and there's this process, and there's this feedback and accountability. But everybody's there because they want to get good at a thing. So there's this common theme and goal and value that everybody has. And in the middle of that, I mean, it's hard to quantify, but I would imagine you being in the middle of that for six months might give you twenty four months of growth.
If you didn't have that, you know, it might have taken you. You may not have ever got that growth. Like so you maybe progressed two years worth of natural development in six months because you put yourself in a situation where you were and yes, you actually learn things and your applied protocols and ideas and concepts, but also you were just in this pressure cooker. Maybe that's overstating it, but you're in this room, this metaphoric room, with all
these people that were like minded. Well, that's fucking that's a beautiful way to evolve, and that's a beautiful way to swim in this soup of growth and potential and creativity and exploration.
It was amazing. And you know what else, Earlier this year, I started spending a lot of time with another a speaker, somebody i'd had on my show years ago, and we started catching up, and then we started doing some work together, like co working space type stuff. And I thought, at the time, what's this guy because he's so much more experienced than me, and it all kind of feels like he spends his time teaching me, and I don't know
what he's getting out of this. And we developed this beautiful relationship doing work together and creating opportunities, and eventually we like talking about it and he said, I need people that want to grow, and I saw you as someone that wants to grow, and I really appreciate having you, like I really it's nice to have you in my life. And now we're doing we're creating opportunities together. But it was interesting how at first I was really perplexed. I'm like,
I feel I kind of feel guilty. I'm not bringing anything to Like he's teaching me what he's gone out and spent you know, money, time and resources and got runs on the board and now he's teaching me, And what is he getting out of this? He's getting exactly what I just said i'd get out of business networking.
And it's valuable, yes, yes, yes, And I think there's you know, we don't always want everything to be strategic or about the benefit for us.
Obviously there can be the opposite of that, where we just want to give because that's part of our value or one of our values. But when I think broadly about think about people that I want to be around, and not just because oh it's nice for me to help this person or whatever. No, forget that, but just like somebody that you had on your show recently, and we've had on here two or three times, doctor Denesh Palipana right now. For those of who don't know, Denesh
is both a lawyer and a medical doctor. And he became a lawyer and then started medicine and in third or fourth he had a horrendous accident if I fuck anything up, correct me became a quadriplegic with very limited use of his arms. And anyway, this dude, and also he was Queensland Australian of the Year and he's like, there is something about that dude that is almost this is going to sound weird. I can't think of the right term, but all that comes to mind for me
almost otherworldly. Like he is like there is this spiritual, peaceful, beautiful energy. And that's a funny thing for a man to say about a man. Don't give a fuck. He is such a beautiful human. Yeah, and here's this dude in this wheelchair who there's so many things he can't do, but with all his physical limitations, he's doing way more and I'm not trying to compare, but he does so much.
And I saw him in Queensland when I was doing a gig a month and a half ago or something, and you had him on recently, and when I saw him, I just I couldn't get enough of him, and I just loved being around him, and he has you know, when you talk to people, and when you talk to that person, it's like the rest of the world vanishes and you feel like you are the only person or thing in the world full that minute or ten that
matters to that person. And he didn't do anything particular that made me feel special, but I'm like, look at you, and I could tell he was tired because you'd just done a presentation and being a quadriplegic is exhausting because it takes so much more energy to do stuff that takes us less energy. But he couldn't just be kind enough. And I'm like, wow, I wish I lived near him. I wish, you know, And that's very I'm saying that from a selfish point of view, but you know, so
I came away from him energized. But also, you know, when you spend time around people who unknowingly and for the better shift your perspective.
Yep.
And it's the same with Johnny that you know from the gym, and everybody's heard about Johnny, but it's like all of my friends who have real, you know, traumatic brain injuries or disabilities of you know, like whether or not spinal cord injuries or some kind of paralysis. It's yeah, they don't even have to say anything about perspective or gratitude. They don't even they don't need to teach me or tell me anything. I just need to be around them
and it's good. And even if when I'm around them, I'm serving them and I'm just I promise you I get more out of it than they do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so it's fascinating because I remember when I finish that conversation and deneche said, we've ever in Queensland. Come and have a coffee, And I had that sense of I kind of want to buy a ticket and go, guys, okay, I'll come up, I'll come up and visit you. Was like, that's a weird thing to feel, like with a podcast guess you've just met, But yeah, he had that really generous and you have this sense of I kind of don't really, I'm not
that interested in talking about the accident. Like there's something else entirely going on and I want to know about that, but I don't even know what it is.
Yeah, well, there are some people that I don't know. This is not the right word though, I don't have the words that can truly kind of do justice. And it sounds a bit over the top. But there's something special about some people, you know, And and it's like, I don't know what it is, but I want to learn from you or I want to be a bit more like you, and yeah, but also on the flip side of that coin, you know, sometimes I write things.
I go to published to something on Instagram that I've written, and I go apart from what the message is and apart from the value that the people might get, what does this say about me? You know? It's like sometimes I write something and I'm like, is this too smart, assie? This is my intention actually good? Or am I you know, like, and there's a fine line, of course, and this is you know, reflective of my research and my PhD. But
you know, he's understanding how we're perceived by others. And so while you do kind of want insight into how people perceive you. You don't want to be obsessed with it, because once you're obsessed and it's all about fear and insecurity and a desperate need for approval. But at the same time, I do think, I hope I'm a good person to be around. Like I hope that and not not coming from a place of insecurity, but not odd
do people like me and oh do they approve? But just that I hope I'm somewhere in the ballpark of densh or somewhere in the ballpark of Johnny or those people that you just go, fuck, I love being around that person.
Can confirm do I need to do I need to get out the picture of the gorilla again?
Yeah, thank you, thank you. I know that sounded fucking needy. I didn't mean it too, but I just think, you know, when you meet people like that, you go, you're amazing. I go, I hope I'm a little bit like you.
Well that kind of leads to what I was thinking. The question I was going to ask was can there's a lot of stuff that I think we operationalize and teach and can you teach that or do you just need to be around it. Like sometimes I get annoyed at what people are teaching in a craft when I think it should even around pluck speaking, I go, well speak speaking, Like if you're just interested and have to worry about the mechanics of your voice and your pitch
and your this and your that. Like, if you're just interested, you'll be so embedded in listening, and you'll feel empathy and you'll be curious, and all of those things just happen. And I think, is it the same thing when you go, I don't I want to be more like that person? You can't get a checklist and then act it out because that's not it. That's the opposite of what you want to be, because then that's just manipulation. Is go, well, I want to be whatever that is. If I'm around it,
hopefully i'll become it a little bit. It'll just change me.
That's very true, and that's very insightful. It's like the difference between pretending you're humble and being humble, pretending you're grateful and actually having gratitude. You know, that's virtue signaling when oh, look at It's like I posted a thing the other day about all these people that are putting up fucking random acts of kindness on social media to
make themselves look great. And this random act of kindness has been filmed with three cameras and recorded with perfect audio and scripted and produce like a fucking Hollywood movie. And then it gets put on. So oh, this just this thing just happened. No it didn't. You motherfucker. You scripted it, you planned it, and there's nothing real or raw or kind or generous. And it's okay, but do you know, set it up and go we set this up. That's cool. I would respect you if you went this
was all set up. But when you say to me this was a spontaneous event, and it clearly wasn't, you know, I probably shouldn't have got that fired up then, But you know what I mean. And that's that's the difference. Though. It's like I'm not in you know, the people I'm impressed by are not who most people would be impressed by. I've been around lots of wealth and lots of famous people, and lots of elite athletes, and not that they're bad,
they're not. But like the elite athletes that I really loved, I loved them because of who they were not because they were a gold medalist or an AFL player or
a fucking whatever I did. It's like I've worked with people that were really high profile and great athletes that I really didn't like much at all, and if I never saw them again, I'd be kind of happy, right So, and then other people who you know, like it and the AFL system, blokes that hardly could get a kick or a game, I just fucking love them because they're just great humans.
You know, Well, think about based on what I said before, and then the idea of what's the impact of us excepting blindly and not questioning the fact that if that's what we're looking at, going, oh, random acts of kindness? Oh, used to something that you see and then you show people and tell people about that. Can we change unwillingly to go, well, that's kindness when it's not the opposite of kinds? Is that changing us? Oh we're kind when people watch, we're kind when we plan it. Theno's not
actually a natural state. So we're not naturally being around kindness. We're watching it and then looking for a way to replicate that in front of people.
Well, and this is why you know that old Craig Harpet chestnut. I'm which I can never know because but I'm most interested in what people do when no one's looking. Because what people do when no one's looking or they think no one's looking, what they're doing in the darkness away from the light, what where they're doing behind closed doors, whatever fucking metaphor you want to use, that tells you who they are. And it also I put myself in
that I'm not going, oh, people do this. And this is the other thing about self awareness and personal growth. When we sit on here, you and I and we go, oh, people do this, and people do that, we're also saying, oh, but we don't because we're better. But the truth is we're not. Well, I'm not anyway. There are times when I'm a fucking faky schmaky. I don't want to be, but I know that I'll get on this show because I can string a few words together, and I can
sound articulate, noble and fucking all these things. And then I get off and I'm a cunt to someone. I'm like, what is wrong with you? Like and that? But the challenge is too, well, let's hope I'm not a cunt to anyone too often. But the challenge is, the challenge is just to like own your shit and go do it. Like, do I ever still look for approval?
I do?
I do? I try not to. Am I ever a people pleaser? Well less than ever, but periodically, yes, you know, do I ever tell a lie? Because I think it's the right thing to say in like a lie for a good reason?
Sure?
Do you know? Should I? I don't know if I tell a little lie? Oh, we even quantify the size of the fucking light and make ourselves feel better. Oh it was a little lie, you know. But to not hurt someone's feelings or to protect someone, Oh, that's a whole philosophical ethical fucking landmine or minefield we don't want
to step into. But yeah, I think, you know, I think being able to have a level of self awareness when I think it's really dangerous territory When people in personal development like you and me, we don't put ourselves in the middle of these problems, you know. Virtue signaling? Oh yeah, people do that. H Craig, do you think you've ever done it? Yep? Hey Craig, have you ever virtual? Yes? Hey, Craig, have you ever wanted attention, Yes, Craig. Do you ever
seek approval? Yes? Right, So this is the the I think, the very practical, real kind of awareness that you need to have when you put yourself in a space that you're probably not qualified per se to be in where you're dispensing advice to the world, right, And that's you know, not that we give advice, but we kind of do you know, when we all always go by the way where this is not personal prescription, this is not a recommendation, this is not advice, and then we basically give people advice,
you know what I mean. Yeah, it's like, well you kind of ah, you're fucking idiot. Have you heard the show?
You know?
So that's that where you go, Look, I'm I'm you know, I'm qualified out a few things, and I've got a bit of knowledge and a bit of experience and some
thoughts and ideas and insights. I'm going to share from that space and just know I'm going to get things wrong forever, So you can probably be rest assured on this pod cast and most I'm going to get at least one thing wrong, maybe ten, But knowing that I'm pretty sure so to most podcasters and most people because I was going to say every podcaster is human, which
is not true anymore. Some of them are AI. But let's just stick with the human ones for now, before we all morph into fucking, you know, some synthesis of biology and technology and we don't know what's fucking what is that real TIF or shudos? Oh no, that's a tiff bot? Fuck me drunk?
What we could already be part AI? Like we might already be a thing We've just our consciousness has been put into a machine. Like maybe maybe if I cut myself open, I'm like eating Maybe.
Maybe maybe you have blue goop that just seeps out like engine oil.
The other day, doctor Libby Weaver said this, and it popped into my mind the last few days, and I went on, I'm going to sit down and think about this. She said it was off the calf in the middle of a sentence. She goes, our voids, Our voids create our values, and it just stuck out and I grabbed it and I was like, oh, our voids create our values. And I was like, I'd like to sit down and look at my values and then explore I don't know where that came from. Where's the void? And have I
addressed it, and is it still there? And do you know what I mean? I just found that really interesting statement that for some reason my brain grabbed hold of.
Yeah, yeah, I don't disagree. I think that a lot of things are like I think I understand that. So if I'm lacking health, then I might want to get health, right, so health might be a void. So therefore that becomes a priority or a value or a goal. So that makes sense. And then I think I thought of this.
I thought to myself, Oh, if honesty is a value, If honesty is a value, am I honest? When haven't? I? Like, what's where would that have come from? If there was if there was a void, Yes, it was interesting to me.
But that might have come from Potentially, let's just focus on that one thing honest to you. Maybe that came from experiences with people bullshitting you a lot.
And people I know, I know where it came from. It came from my childhood and keeping a secret, right, So that's not honest, So I think, is that? But then I go, what's another value of mine? Oh? Safety and security? Do I have that? Am I secure? Do I give other people security?
No?
I haven't. In the past I'm learning to, but I think I've been really elusive. I've been ready to fucking run and go to the next phase of life and leave everyone behind because it's like, well that's not secure for them. So yeah, it just makes I want to sit down and think about all those things and go, what do you still have trades that are a bit shitped then like are you representing the things you say you value or you were just looking for them out there in the world and not giving them back.
M Yeah. As the more I think about that idea, the more things come to mind that fit in, and I'm like, yeah, that's actually pretty smart. And for me, I'm thinking about like really high when I'm what I need from and you know this what I need from which is not say I deserve it or I should get it, but what I need from friends is loyalty because I've had disloyalty. And yeah, it's like I would I won't say who because I don't it's kind of inappropriate.
But I've got a friend who, from the outside looking in, I'll tell you are fair a really good friend, someone I love deeply. And this person I've known since I was twenty. We even lived together for a period of time, and from the outside looking in, this person is so like average, so not spectacular, not hilarious, not charismatic, not you know, like got his own beautiful skills and qualities and attributes. But if he was somewhere, he wouldn't stand out.
But this motherfucker is just the most consistent, reliable, loyal, awesome, never wavered, never been any different for forty years. Apart from Vinn of course, who's my longest standing friend and best mate. But this and it's like, oh, somebody I was thinking about this guy. Fuck it, I'm just going to say his name, Greg. I love Greg, right, But Greg's just an average dude, but a great dude. But I love Greg more than anything, just because I always
know what I'm gonna get. I've never, for one moment thought, oh he's going to talk behind my back, he's going to rip me off. I've never thought, oh, this friendship is strategic. He wants something. It's never never, he never demands anything. Now, I know that's not gonna that's not what necessarily anyone else needs, but that's what I love.
So you can give me the flamboyant, charismatic, charming, high profile super successful, fucking just come in and charm the room and yeah, you know, if they also happen to have all the other stuff, well then yeah maybe. But for me, it's like what really appeals to me about people is not what generally attracts other people. Like a lot of people are attracted by the rah rah and the looks and the brand. And I'm not saying they
shouldn't be, but I'm just not. And I think because I've been around it a lot and I see behind the curtain, which is not to say that everybody who's killing it publicly is doing it poorly privately. It's not to say that, but I've seen behind a lot of curtains, and the show is rarely the reality.
I also think it takes us a long time, and there'd be a lot of people who don't know, maybe never never start the process, but even understand what they respond to or connect within people, what they love about them, why they want to spend time with them, and whether that's a good thing or not a good thing. You know, people have so many lists when it comes to relationships. People have so many lists. I was talking about it
with a client the other day. We have lists and they're ridiculous, and we don't always understand why we do or don't want to spend time with particular people. We just align it with something on the list.
Yeah, right, right? Do you like do your relationships And I know it probably depends on which relationships and the context, but do they do they evolve organically or do you ever go which, by the way, I don't think what I'm about to say is a bad thing. Do you ever go I want to hang out with them, I want to get to know them, or like is it organic? Is it more strategic or planned? So you might say with me, which is not a bad thing, it was more strategic than an organic in that.
It was very strategic with you from a couple of like obviously for what you did, but also driven by the how authentic you were and how much I connected with your personality. So I was like, I want to I actually want to be around that guy because I like the effect that he has on me. I like the messages he delivers, and I like the people that connect with him. So I would just want to be around immersed in that and see what I can what can evolve in me when I do that. In the
last couple of years. Last probably eighteen months, I wrote five names on my whiteboard a real after reflecting on the fact that I don't h were you always joke joked, probably still do about the fact that I wear a T shirt that says give me a How'm gonna hat that says fuck off, though, And I was like, I have a very poker face, and I don't and I'm been very, very very busy, and so I don't invest
in relationships. But I have a handful of people who I love and would consider very close friends, but they don't know because I don't tell them and I probably don't see them all that much. So I wrote five or six names on the probably five on the whiteboard, and that was my reminder to pick up the phone, to say I love you, to spend time, to invest in the relationships, to make time, and to connect with them like I had to do that at forty one.
I had to write names on a whiteboard and go, this is how you cultivate good, solid R because I can go through photos and look at friendships that have that are now in the past for no good reason. But I didn't express needs or thoughts or ideas, and I didn't question it. Where just things evolved and you go that post obviously that person's a mole that don't give a shit fuck and I'll move on. You go, how many good friendships do you? One of my very
best mates caught and if he was in Perth. We didn't talk for no good reason for a couple of years because you know, Chinese whispers and bullshit and you just go, you know what. She moved to Amsterdam and I had an abandon abandonment issues, so I pulled. But I recognized that I pulled back hanging out with her merely because deep down I was like, fuck it. Now, see you get a best mate and they fuck off. So I was like, I just won't spend time with her.
Fuck her then and then we have a falling out and after a couple of years, it was her birthday one year and I messaged and I was like, I miss you. I have a great birthday. You probably don't want to hear from me. But and now we're best is again. It's like, that's all it took. How ridiculous?
Yeah, yeah, it's I wrote this thing which I want to read with some It's it's not exactly that, but I'm always interested by and I've spoken about it probably fifty times on their show. But like the experience of getting offended or getting hurt, you know, and you might have read it, but I wrote, if somebody really wants to get offended, they'll find a way. The perpetually offend, Oh, the perpetually offended is a rapidly expanding group people who
get offended fifty times a day. Nothing is ever their fault and then never the problem, which is super convenient because it means they never have to take responsibility, they never have to change, and they always get to be
mad at someone else, you know. And it's like you can and I've done that, you know where I've created this, you know, this story in my head about why this person doesn't like me or they abandon me or And there are some cases where that proved to be true, in some cases where it proved to be a complete fiction created by me. And it is that is difficult to but really, for you at forty one, to be able to go, I need to literally write this on
the board. I need to write these names on the board so that that brings to my attention, so that I actually invest energy proactively into keeping these relationships healthy because it isn't only about what you need, it's about what you can give, Like what can you give them? Why the fuck would they want to be your friend? What do they get? You know? And I know it's not meant to be like that, but it's like, well, you know, and I do have friends where it's a
little upsided. I'm going to say, but they're essentially good people. But I'm like, fuck, I'm glad that this is not a business relationship because I'd go and fucking broke. Yeah.
I just got to a point where I went, if there's enough people sliding into past friendships, what am I not bringing to the table that makes it easy to walk away from without without a conversation, without someone going hey, hey, you're fucking letting me down, Hey, you're not being the best mate. They just walk away, Like, if that's happening
enough times, you have to go, Okay, I shouldn't be that. Yeah, there are some assholes in the world that probably you know, you're never going to stay friends with forever, that's cool. But if it's happening enough times and you're not even having conversations or reflecting, so yeah, I just had to start looking and taking ownership and going well, do you ever have a difficult conversation? Thank fuck for Craig Anthony Harper taught me the art. Yeah, but I didn't do
it before then. I was terrified. I'd rather walk away. I'd fucking move. I'd move to a different state. Yeah, Sonnier in Queensland. I'll just go there. I'll make new friends there.
It's funny how many people think that a geographic change will fix some deep seated emotional Yeah. No, I'll just go to Queensland. Well, you'll take all your shit with your champ. All that emotional and psychological baggage will be on the fucking carousel, or when you get there, it'll be Brisbane Airport. All your shit will be going around and you'll you'll pick it back up, you'll put it in the cab and you'll take it to your new place.
Because that shit doesn't go anywhere unless you fucking deal with it, you know. And this is the heat. Trying to solve psychological and emotional issues with geographical solutions is really fucking common, and people go ah, you know, with the one exception being perhaps people who are in really horrible relationships. But that's more a practical thing. But but yeah, it is a it's an interesting part of the human experience where.
We do that unless you unless you really know what you're escaping, unless you've done the work and you go, Okay, what I've set up in my life here and what surrounds me is this energy and thing, and this is where I've been getting it wrong. Now I know what I will do differently. I could also have a fresh start somewhere where else, but you have to know otherwise, Yeah, you end up in the same cycle.
Hondo. Hey, I really enjoyed this talk. Me too, I really enjoy I'm not just saying that I really enjoyed it. I was actually going to talk about something else as is off and the way, Hi, I've actually got next to your head on my screen. I've got this thing that I wrote that I was going to unpack with you that I didn't read. But in light of what we just shared, I think what's on my screen is dogshit. So I'm glad we didn't go there. So I'm like, well,
that would have been boring as fuck. Ah. Yeah, hey, cook, it's been good, thanks so much. And you know, see around like a sausage roll.
Thanks APS,