#2035 It's Been A Sh*t Week - Harps

I didn't want it to be self indulgent. I didn't want it to be on any level sympathy seeking or attention seeking. But I thought, maybe just me talking about the week that I've had that hasn't been very fun, hasn't been very fun. It's been kind of shit. It's been kind of shit, but it's been interesting. And in the darkness, there's been moments of light. There've been peaks

and troughs. And you know what I find interesting is that for me, all the stuff that I talk about, which is being able to perform under pressure and human optimization and being solution focused and controlling my energy and investing, you know what I have to work with in the most intelligent, sensible way possible given the context of the situation, to produce the best outcomes and the best emotional state.

And all those things are true. They're true. But it's really interesting when it's happening to me, when the shit is happening to me, when it's tough, when it's messy, when it's uncomfortable, when bad things are happening to good people. Let's hope I'm the good people, and more importantly, good people that I love and care about. And so I kind of I waxed and mined about whether or not I would share this. I don't know whether or not it's going to be good or great, or bad or shit.

I'll let you be the judge. You might want to pull out in twenty seconds from now and go nah, too deep, too heavy. I'm going to try and make it as insightful and helpful and relevant while honest and authentic and vulnerable as I can. I think it's also good sometimes from the people that we listen to, or the people that hopefully, hopefully you respect me a little bit. I guess you might because you listen to my stuff, But to hear from those people that also sometimes just

have a shit day. And I think when you know, when people that I looked up to or respect or learn from have a shit day, I like to kind of hear about that in the sense of what's going on, what did you do about that? How are you now? And so that's kind of where I'm at now. So let me start from the start. So it's Sunday one point fifteen as I record this, and it's over the last not just weak, but probably it's been a shit fortnight. But I can't share all of the things that have happened,

just for confidentiality reasons and respect for some people. I can. I can talk about what's happened generally, some of it I can talk about specifically, but I just need to be careful and thoughtful about certain people. But it's fair to say that people that I love and people that I care about and people that I'm connected to have had and are having some real challenges. And you know, it's sometimes when somebody's going through something that's somewhere between

you know, a bit tricky and fucking horrendous. Let's be honest, some things are fucking horrendous. Let's just be Let's not disney it up. Let's not disney it up. Let's just be real and raw and go. Some things that happen to us or around us are to people that we

care about, are really really horrible. And in the middle of the horrible, in the middle of the horrendous and the unfair and the unwanted and the uncomfortable, you know, there we are, There we are, And so for me, it's always interesting in the middle of tough thing for me personally as a notither as a coach or not as a podcast or an author or a research or anything, but just me in terms of me and my own bullshit, me in my life, me and my mind, me and

my body, me and my energy, me and my choices and behaviors and actions and reactions and outcomes. I'm interested in me. That sounds weird, but I am interested in how I am when things are going bad, because I think how I am when things are going bad is an indicator of how I'm going as a person. Am I only good? Am I only positive? Am I only proactive and kind of the rah rah dude when everything's great?

Or am either guy that can still maintain you know, those kind of values and that thinking, and for the most part, those behaviors and that kind of mindset ten personality in the middle of the shit, And I think these are the real challenges. And I think, you know, when we talk about personal development, when we talk about self help, when we talk about human behavior, when we talk about human optimization, when I talk to you about you getting the most out of you, I'm talking mostly.

I'm talking about when things are hard, when things aren't going well, when we don't feel inspired, when we aren't getting good results, when bad things are happening, or unwanted or uncomfortable or uncertainty is embracing us, and we find ourselves in the middle of stuff that we didn't choose or want. Like I believe that this is the time where I don't like the term personal development, but this awareness of self and this intended development and improvement of self.

So you know what I'm talking about. I guess we'll call it personal development and growth for the moment, but one I'm just thinking, why don't I like that? The reason I don't love those terms is because I think they've been productized, commercialized, And so when I talk about personal growth and development, I'm literally talking about a process I'm literally talking about a psychological and emotional and physiological and sociological and maybe spiritual journey. I'm not talking about

a podcast. I'm not talking about a lecture by Craig Harper. I'm not talking about a program or a pill or a fucking even a PhD. I'm not talking about that. I'm just talking about you becoming the better version of you.

That's personal growth, that's personal transformation. That's self help. I mean, for me, self help is literally our ability to be able to consistently and diligently and courageously help ourselves to not only survive, but to thrive in the middle of what can be shit, what can be fucking mayhem and pain and so friends, this week has been an opportunity for that. It's been an opportunity for me to grow. So a friend of mine who I won't talk about,

he knows who he is. He had He's spoken about this publicly, but I won't just because I don't want to. I don't know, I just don't feel that's appropriate. But you know, he had his son pass away, his twenty four year old son pass away, you know, and in which which very recently and which just to me is unthinkable. It's it's and I can't even begin to imagine what that is like. You know, I'm not a dad. I'm not a dad, but you know, dealing with that and

navigating that on a whole range of levels. And his son passed away in another country and now he's got to I think the words repatriate the body, bring it back here and all of that, and so you know that that kind of and that that was kind of the first thing that kicked off. And I can't do anything about that. I can't really help him other than chat to him, which I've done, and and you know, he knows who he is. Shout outs him and love to him and his beautiful wife and the family and

all of that. But that kind of like I I think one of the things for me too, is when there's somebody that I care about that's in pain and I can't do anything. I know that I'm not anyone's savior. I get that, but when I can't do something to help or to make some kind of a difference, it's it's, yeah, I feel somewhat redundant. But anyway, that's just me, that's just me and my feeling. I'm going to jump around

a little bit. So it's now as I said to you, I think I said this, it's Sunday one twenty one now as I'm recording. And I went to Queensland this week. I went Monday night to do a gig, corporate gig on Tuesday, so I stayed overnight and when I got off the when I got off the plane, there was a phone call from me from my mum letting me know. Actually that is not true that there was my mum had called and missed me. But there was a phone call from Melissa, who runs my life, who informed me

that my dad had been rushed to hospital. And so this was Monday. And again with all of this, my dad's a really private person and not that for some reasons that I for that and also another couple of kind of reasons, I think I can't share it all. But let's just say that it is a significant challenge that he is going through. So that was Monday, he

was in hospital. Tuesday, I was presenting, and so I find out that my dad's been rushed to hospital with this significant medical issue, medical challenge which is life threatening. So he didn't break his ankle or break his leg like it's life threatening. And so then I'm in Queensland and do I fly home tonight? Do I Is there anything I can do? And I'm like, well, no, he's okay. At the moment, he's in hospital. He's in the best place.

I can't do anything medically. So then I had about as you would imagine, Monday night, I had about seven minutes sleep. If I'm being self indulgent, now, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. Just talking about navigating a messy week. I had not a lot of sleep, as you would imagine. I got up and then I went to go and present for an hour to an awesome group. I won't name them, they know who they are. In fact, a room full of lawyers, I can say that. And I thought, oh, this is going to be a hard gig.

This I just thought it would be hard because I thought I don't know that you know. But that was my bad, my mistake. They were amazing. They were very receptive and towards the end of my presentation gave them even gave them a little bit of an insight into what was happening in my life at that point in time. And they were nothing but fucking gorgeous and compassionate. And so that was a really nice little bit of love and joy in the middle of a pretty hard week.

And then I, you know, I spent I did some more work, I flew home that night, I got up early early early Wednesday morning, went straight up, spent the day in hospital with my dad. And since then it's just been an ongoing kind of roller coaster of things. And you know where he is right now. He's at home right now and waiting for some more tests and some surgery, and and that's where we are right He's not he's not in dire straits right now, but it's not.

It's not great like there is. There are some challenges ahead. And if the three people that listen to this who know my parents maybe I don't know how many people that listen to this actually know my mum and dad, but but maybe don't ring them panic stricken. If you hear this and you don't already know this news, that'd be great. So let's let's not turn up the volume on the anxiety. And of course, in the middle of all of this, my mum, God bless my mum. My mum is a I love my dad, my Dad's a

great guy. My mum is a spectacular human who is

the world's best support system for my dad. And in the middle of you know that, and you remember, my dad is eighty six, by the way, my mom is eighty six in one month and one day from now December three, recording this November two, And you know, just of course the compassion for my dad that I have, and the care and concern, and me trying to be everything that I can be practically and emotionally and you know, medically and you know, psychologically, just to support him and

them and then do what I can do and talk with doctors and organize things, but also you know, trying not to, like I said, turn up the volume on any anxiety or fear or stress or trauma in the middle of a traumatic situation. That is a challenge, isn't it. And so that whole kind of being the calm and the chaos. How do I how do I be this state of equanimity, How do I be that or how do I enter that state of equanimity? How do I deal with hardshit and not fall apart? How do I

manage me? So for me, you know, I'm very cognizant in those moments of what I need to be for now, and I've been in over my life. Whether or not it's good or bad, I think it's good or bad. I think it's definitely been super integral in shaping who I am and informing the person that I've become. In terms of me being able to deal with hard things, which is not say I can deal with anything. It's

not say I always respond amazingly. I don't. But you know, being around people who have been in you know, really really dire straits, including my training partner who died in front of me in the gym, as all of you know, and many other things. And if you haven't heard that story, he ended up undying seventeen minutes later, just in case anyone just panicked. But that was an interesting day, and there's been a lot of interesting days like that, and so for me, it's been an interesting week. So let

me just wrap up the Dad thing. So he's at home at the moment, he's with mum, he's medicated. There's a few things that need to be done and addressed, and you know, it's a really challenging and interesting time, but it is what it is. And so how do I and I just share this because maybe this is of interest to some of you. So what's my thinking and what's my strategy in the middle of all of that. So I try not to invest any energy in the things that I can't control. I try very hard. I'm

pretty good at it. I try not to. You know, the other day I sat in the hospital for eight hours waiting to see a doctor, and then eight hours I didn't see a doctor. And the lovely nurse that was with us was who was with a million people and chiming in every now and then, but every time she was nothing but gracious and apologetic and helpful. But it's an overloaded system and it is what it is. And you know, for me, part of me was getting frustrated.

I guess we could say, not really angry, a little bit angry, but not that anyone would know that, but being in the middle of you know, where there's somebody that you love that's suffering and we're trying to you know, and he's one of many people in that environment suffering and being able to try to be the best version of me for him, for Mum, for the people in that so that I'm not creating another problem, either for

myself or for anyone in my vicinity. But I am hopefully the voice of reason and the emotional state of calm for people to be around. So I think these moments where it's like, for me, that was a real good test of self awareness and situational awareness and self control and self regulation. You know, as I said, it's like it's easy to be a superstar when everything's going good. Like what we kind of find out a lot about ourselves.

I think when things are going shit, and you know, not that life is an ongoing personal development process, but I think all of us, well, I can't assume, but I might guess that a lot of you would like to be more resilient, or a lot of you would like to be able to manage fear and or anxiety more effectively, or to be able to be calm in a crisis, to be the person with the energy that

people want to be around. You know, I've always loved the idea of people enjoying being around me, not for my ego, but just that like, oh I feel calm, or I feel good energy, or I feel safe or whatever it is when I'm with Craig. For me, that is like a massive compliment. And I think if we can, if we can be a person that people feel safe around, or comfortable around, or empowered to be around, that's a great thing. And so yeah, it's it's been an interesting

it's been an interesting time. And in other news, my training partner, Christian again I can't can I say I think it? Yeah, I probably can't go too deep either, but shout out to him, love him. He's had some really big medical issues. So I trained with consistently with a few people, but the Crab Markers, my training partner that I've been training with forever, and Christian also trains with me a couple of times or a few times a week, along with Johnny, who I'll talk about Johnny

in the moment. So Christian has had some really big challenges and has been hospitalized numerous times in the last actually that's not true twice once which was really really quite quite serious, very very very serious, and came out of hospital, had another, let's just say it, evental episode and was back in hospital, and even now things are still you know, he's improved, but you know, so there was that, and that's been going on, and I've been

trying to be supportive to him. Johnny, who most of you know with Johnny is a really great friend of mine who had a massive accident seven or eight years ago now I think, and had a brain a brain injury, traumatic brain injury. He had a spinal cord injury. And I started working with him seven years ago, eight years ago. Sorry post all of that. He wasn't meant to in inverted commas, meant to live. He was meant, in inverted

commas to be a quadriplegic. I started training him in a wheelchair, like I said, eight years ago, and he's been training with me ever since. And generally not right now, but generally he walks and he drives and he's walking is with sticks and it's not great. But for the guy who's going to be a quadriplegic, it's literally a miracle, if not a very very very big achievement. And Johnny, and this also happened in the last two weeks. For

I'll give you a snapshot. He got to burn a bad burn on his leg, bad burn and because he has basically can't feel anything from the waist down because of his injury, he didn't know he was burned. They ended up doing a procedure on that to to move some of anyway, bottom line is he ended up needing multiple surgeries and a skin graft. He's now recovering from that. And this is on top of a million other issues that he has and limitations and restrictions and in constant pain.

And you know, it's just like, I sometimes feel guilty that my life is so easy. But I think, you know, being around being around this stuff in the last week or two, and I'm always around people who are struggling, by the way, not always, but regularly, you know, being around people who have real adversity makes me realize I

don't have adversity. It makes me realize I am I am fortunate, and I am blessed, and it gives me And this might sound cliche and some people might go, yeah, whatever, don't believe that's cool, but it genuinely gives me an ever present sense of gratitude and that my life is so comfortable, it is so easy that I don't have

challenges like most or many people have challenges. And even the things that I would call problems or the things that I would call, you know, issues, are really in the context of what goes on in the world and in the context of what goes on for other people really really minimal. So, you know, being around all of the people that I've been around and intersecting, whether it was physically insecting or on the phone or online with people in the last week who are struggling, has given me.

It gives me gratitude not only for who I am, or for how my life is and how comfortable and how blessed I am or fortunate I am pick your own word, but also to be able to support people who need support. A truly I think part of the part of the key to happiness is and this sounds cliche, but it's just I don't know a better term, right, so I'm going to say it, and I apologize for the cheese, but is to have a purpose bigger than me.

And when I have that purpose bigger than me, when and yes, of course I have a business and I run workshops, and I write books, and I do podcasts, and I make money through sponsors and through charging. Yes, there's all of that, and there's so there's a of course, I do not deny there's a commercial reality to what

I do. But away from that there's also stuff that I do that I don't talk about much or often or need to, that you know, has got nothing has got nothing to do with business, and nothing to do with money, and nothing to do with any commercial component of my existence on any level. And it's you know, this week, I've had also to two people who think about, okay, I'll just cut through the fucking smoke and mirrors. Two

people who wanted to kill themselves. You don't know who they are, so I can talk about that too, who or at the very least, were talking about that out loud with me, and how that seemed to them to be potentially the best option moving forward. And obviously one of these was face to face one of these conversations. One of them has been back and forth on the phone.

And you know, there's been times this week where I've been feeling or almost feeling a bit sorry for me, and then I would get a message or I would get a phone call, and you know, while feeling sorry for me in the context of what's going on to family and friends, you might go, well, Craig, don't be hard on yourself. It's okay to feel that way, And you're right, it is okay to feel that way. And I don't beat myself up for being sad or being worried, or being con or being a bit anxious about my

I don't beat myself up at all about that. I'm not in denial. I'm not pretending that things are good when they're not good. But I'm very much and I don't know. This is not a suggestion or a strategy. By the way, don't do what I do. But what I do is who works for me? Is? I kind of ask myself, if not literally, then subconsciously, I ask myself this question, and it is, how do I need to be now for these people? How do I need

to be this week? How do I need to be in this moment, this situation, this conversation, this phone call, this dialogue, this interaction at the cafe? How do I need to be to best help this person? What is the best use of me for them? What's in my control? What is not in my control? So I can't you know, it's Sunday, this all started a week, or I can't go back three weeks and kind of change the future, like I can't undo anything that's happened to me or around me in the last week or two. I can't

change any of it. I can't click my fingers and my dad's not sick. I can't do that. I can't. I can't say three words and all of a sudden, these people are not suicidal. I can't make Johnny walk great. I can't. I can't bring Brat back, my friend's kid. I can't do any of that. I can't make Christian my training buddy. I can't. I can't fix his medical issues. And so what I do is I go, well, what can I do? How can I love them? How can

I support them? And you know, do I ever get Do I ever find a bit of space and stillness and have have a moment? Of course I do, of course I do. Am I trying to, you know, bury it all under, bury all of my feelings and emotions and reactions under a fucking pile of manliness. No, I'm definitely not. I'm acknowledging what I feel. I'm feeling what I feel. But in the moment, I'm not letting those

feelings or those emotions hijack the moment. I'm not letting them hijack what needs to be done and how I need to practically navigate certain situations and conversations and interactions with people. Is this a suggestion from me to you? No,

it's not. And so, like I said this at the start, this, I don't know whether or not there's any value in this for you, but maybe this is a little bit therapeutic, as I said, But for me, this is really just me thinking out loud about what's been going on this week.

And I think, you know, through the middle of or in the middle of all of this, just trying to find moments where I am hitting the pause button, getting away from all of the stuff, all of the conversations and all of the interactions, all the people, just for a moment and going all right, am I looking after me? Am I looking after me? In the middle of all of this? Am I sleeping? Okay? Am I doing whatever I can physically, mentally, emotionally, you know? Am I doing

what I need to do? The other day, I was sitting with my dad in hospital, and I'd been sitting there for hours and hours and hours, and in the upcoming hour there was nothing, to my knowledge and awareness, there was nothing that was going to happen. Particularly, there was nothing I could do. He was sitting there with Mum, and so I just nicked off and there was a gym about eight minutes away from where I was. I went to the gym, I lifted some heavy shit for

forty five minutes. I may or may not have had a little sniffle or a little fucking moment. I may or may not have, you know. And I just got by myself and I got in my happy place, and I took a breath, and I took a moment, and I controlled my controllables, and I did something which is good for my body, which is good for my brain, which is good for my mind, which is good for

my emotions, which is good for my nervous system. I had little forty five minute pattern interrupted in the middle of the mayhem, and I went back and I literally, although nothing had changed, I had changed, situation hadn't changed. It was status quo. I felt I felt better. I was going to say I felt huntbsent better. That's probably lie, but I don't know. But I felt a lot better. And what that meant was that just gave me more

capacity to be better for them. I think in the middle of adversity, in the middle of the the crap that comes, the shit week, the shit day, the shit whatever. It's important that you and I still look after ourselves, not because we're selfish, not because we don't care about others, but because the better that you look after you in the middle of the mess and the mayhem and the sadness and the uncertainty, The better that you look after you, The better that you manage your brain and your mind

and your emotions and your body and your energy. The better that you do that. You know what I'm going to say, because you know me, you know me, you know I'm going to say, the better you're going to be for everyone else. And that's that's not theory, that's fucking reality. Just if if if you go into any stressful situation and before you even get in the situation you're a two out of ten, well, how helpful can you be to those people? If you're physically, mentally, emotionally

operating in a two. It's very hard for you to pull a seven out of your ars and be fucking Captain fantastic. If I get too scientific at any stage, let me know, but you know what I'm saying, and sometimes you know, looking after ourselves, if you're a good person,

if you're a compassionate person. If you're a I love people lots and want to help people person, and you have empathy and you have awareness, and you have compassion, and you are one of the people who has a purpose of serving, and then you're going to feel guilty because you're a good person. You're going to feel guilty looking after you. And I'm going to say to you that guilt is admirable in a way because it means you care. It's kind of noble because it means you care.

It means you're a decent human. But it's completely fucking ineffective. So fuck that guilty. Feel what you feel, but do the thing that's going to look after you. Do the things that are going to help you be the best version of you, so you can be the best version of you for them. I might go and have a BEX and I lie down, as Mary says, I don't know what a bes is? What is a bex? Does anyone know? Anyway? Everybody, let's hope that this week. This

is coming out on Monday, November three. For those of you who listen to this down the track as I record it Sunday November two, It's coming out tomorrow. Monday. I hope for those of you who hear this early in the week that this is a good week for you. And if I hope also that if it's not such a good week or you're not having such a good day, I hope that you got some value from this. Yeah, I think this is you know, this is the deal, isn't it. It's not getting on here every day just

go on. Life's amazing, You're amazing. But it's part of that. But it's also like, yeah, guess what, Sometimes it sucks, sometimes things aren't great, but it's it's important that we try to, you know, be the best we can in the middle of all of the ship that that isn't great. And if we have a day where we're we're off, or we're flat, or we're not producing good outcomes or we're not being the person that we want to be, then that's okay as well. That's called being human. See next time.