#2000 How Long!! - Tiff, Melissa & Harps

they come from the ends of the earth. Came they hungering and thirsting, after wisdom, after mirth, after tales of struggle and triumph, and lo the host one crag of harbor did wax long of tongue and stout of heart, gathering unto him sages and healers and warriors, scribes and jestures, and Tiffith and Melissareth. And they spake of the mind and of the body, of toil, and of rest, of folly, and of triumph, and of the mysteries of the soul.

And verily, two thousand times was the pod cast forth upon the air and across the lands among the people. And two thousand times did it find ears willing to hear was the multitude thereof, for they number of in hosts beyond counting. And it was good, yay, even very good. So let it be known unto this generation and unto those yet unborn. This is the two thousandth chapter in the great Chronicle of the U Project, and yet the

story continues. Huppy two thousand to us, Happy two thousand two hours, Happy two thousand two us, Happy two thousand episodes. Did you ever think we'd get here? Cook?

Like you know, you've really evolved. You've graduated from the Bamboo and from coming to the shows and sitting up the back, then up the front, then being part of the program and telling people where to have a wee and where to sit, and you know, and then and now look at you. Now you're just crushing it and killing it and you've got your own show and your own speaking career. Would you have thought that it was eight years ago? That, I mean coming up to jan one.

So the first episode was January one, twenty eighteen. So in the near future, it's going to be eight years What do you does it seem like it's gone quick for you?

I'm like, what overwhelm people? Yeah, well I didn't want to start with a bang, did I. I'm like, well, it certainly eased into it, Like I mean, I feel like we've always done seven a week, which we clearly haven't. But yeah, I remember over time we went from kind of one ishe wow. I think we did like I said, a couple of month and then we did like then I think we made the big decision of like three a week, which was like three a week. How are

you going to do three a week? Like, fucking that's a lot, and how are you going to come up with ideas and people and conversation. I'm like, and now we do seven and not that it's easy peasy, but we never seem to run out of shit to talk about. So Tiff, thank you very much. I appreciate you, and I mean, I'm always fucking with you, but I appreciate you.

You're great at what you do. It's been really nice to see over eight years your development, your evolution and you know, and to do this with you and have fun with you. It's been great. And the typ family love you. So on behalf of me. And then thanks thanks for making this what it is.

super busy. I'm super busy. I feel sick of talking about or tired of talking about my own bullshit because I feel you must all fucking roll your eyes and go, for God's sake, finish that fucking PhD. I'm with you, like soon, once it's done, I promise I won't talk about it for a year. I'm sick of talking about it too. But it's just a reality of my life.

It's an ever present. You know how you have things on the to do list and you do them, well, this one never fucking goes off the to do list, right, so it just sits up there under two and then you know, the last month or two I've been a bit crook, And I feel so fucking good now. I'm so grateful, truly feel good. Like if ten out of

ten is awesome, I feel about eight right now. If I know you don't feel great, but I'll be interested to monitor your score through the show because I'm like, fuck, Zanax, I Am no, not Xanax. What's the one that makes you happy? Prozac? I'm like Prozac with a bald head. And so I was really thinking about what's some whiz bang fucking event that we can do, and it just

was not going to happen practically. And I also thought about getting, you know, maybe ten people that have been really instrumental in the development of the show and really integral to what we've created. And then I thought, I'm going to pick ten people, and ten are going to fucking hate my guts, or twenty are gonna hate my

guts because I didn't pick them, you know. And even I've got a list of people I want to thank who've been regulars, and I'm like, fuck, imagine if there's someone obvious that not because they're not important, but they've just skipped my mind. Like I'm terrified that there's not someone on the list that's been on the show thirty times or something. So when I read that list, I want you just to go. Have you thought about anyway

I probably should have done that off anyway? Fuck it, This is how we work, so what I thought I would do today and we'll get there, not yet. But so this episode is really it's really almost like a synopsis of the stuff that has really been powerful for me since January one, twenty and eight end for me that I think the messages and the ideas and the stories and the science that has been really powerful, the stuff that has really moved the needle for a lot of people, the stuff that we get a lot of

feedback about. So when we get there, Tiff and I are going to go through that. She's got a little list in front of her, and I'm just going to expand on what I think are basically some really powerful ideas or strategies or pice is that we can integrate into our life that are relatively simple but at the same time really powerful. So, without further ado, you and

I were chatting about this yesterday. I want to see if you can remember the list because I couldn't, and I don't know if you I got in front of me,

so I'm cheating. But one of the things that I guess a lot of people don't think about TIF is that, like we've been going for so long that there's quite a few of our guests who have actually passed away since we chatted with them, and I just want to honor those people and I want to send, you know, all the good vibes and energy to their family and their loved ones and just say that to them, thank you for allowing us to have your person on our show, and we really value them and we value you. So

who can you remember that's on the list? So I think there's oh god, if I get this wrong, oh my god, I've got six on my list. So these are people that have been on the show that have sadly moved on to the great podcast in the sky. Who have you got?

something and read a bit about him. You who he was, but I didn't, and when I met him, and I just genuinely if you haven't heard that podcast, I'm not just saying this, I loved it, And yeah, he was somebody who was just at the cold face of pain and sickness and not that far away from death's doore just being hilarious and compassionate. What do you remember were you on that show or did you just listen?

Are you good? Yeah, I probably need you to not talk like that's clearly not going to help. And just his ability to say, you know, be that that raw and real and open. And there was no show, There was no Johnny Ruffo's show. That was just him. I love that. Yeah, who else is on our list?

him being for me. He was a really interesting cat because I think I just saw a bit of me and him and I was trying to learn from him. But he had a lot going on. But he definitely impacted a lot of people, didn't.

seminar together. We worked together live, not on not on zoom, not in the virtual world, in the physical world. And yeah, he was a very clever, very creative, very inspirational person. And he he got quite sick quite quickly, and you know he was you know, it wasn't super quick like weeks, but it was way he went way earlier than he should have, way way earlier. So shout out to his family and all the love to them. Who else is on your list?

He's like, what the fuck does she do? Because he's a pharmacist. He goes to me, is she on anything? I go just high on life, bro high on life. Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, that that was very sad for me. He and I were good friends, and yeah that was sad. That was sadd He makes sad stuff. I think there's two more. Can you remember either of them?

dealing with a bunch of stuff he had. He had mental health issues and lots of I think lots of concussion and trauma, and he was struggling with things and he came in here to my house in my studio and chatted with Melissa and I and he was just just a brave, like just a bloke. Just he always tried to be you know, when people are you know, they're hurting, but then when they're around people, they try not to show it. Yeah, you know that he was just trying to be an eight and he probably felt

like a one. And yeah, so that that kind of fucked me up. I'm going to be honest, as they all did.

still giving advice and still sharing her wisdom. And I remember sitting talking to her and looking at her on zoom. I'm like, no, no offense to my mum, but like when I spoke to her, my mum would have been eighty three. I'm like, kind of just looks like my mum, Like, and Mary looks fine. It's like Mary doesn't look one

hundred and three. But I'm like, how does and her brain and a recall and her stories and and I remember her telling me that I think she told us in the thing that she walks a minimum of three thousand steps a day. I'm like, how do you do that? Like incredible? So anyway, I don't want to bore everybody with sad things, but I just thought we would acknowledge all of those people and honor them because it was a blessing to have them as part of the show.

Fair to say that this will probably be our longest ever episode. Here you go, and I think I just want to share a few things, and TIF I want you to as well, whatever you want. But people often ask me, you know when people say that but people don't actually ask them. I hate it when people go, oh, people ask me all the time, and then you're like, no, they don't fucking ask you that at all. You just want to talk about it. Well, in this case, it's

actually true. People do ask me, maybe because it seems like I'm very fucking unprepared. How much do I actually research and plan? While the answer boys and girls sit the far down, not that much. I know. I know you're thinking, oh my god, but it's so polished and

so the answer. The answer is like truly like you and I have spoken about this many times, right in terms of how much do you prepare and then how much do you just go in going look, I've done this many times, which is not say I'm brilliant at it, but I've done It's like going, oh, I'm going to meet this guy to have a chat to him at the cafe. Ah, I'm going to plan a script before I go there. I'm going to think of all the questions.

I'm going to write all the questions down and then think about the questions he might ask, and then what my answers to his theoretical question. It's just fucking dumb. It's like, but this is one of the only things, like, especially with podcasts, where it's not like we're giving a presentation. We're not rocking up to BHP and doing a corporate gig to one thousand people. We're in our footy shorts with no fucking idea of what we're doing. They were sitting down on a mic with a human you know.

So for me, who I am better when I'm just free range, free range chicken just banging on a mic than I am when I'm super organized, Which is not to say I don't do any prep. If it's someone that I absolutely don't know, I'll read a bit about them, I'll figure out what they do and who they are, but I won't do a deep dive because I like not knowing the answers. I like not knowing the answers to the questions I'm going to ask. You know, Oh, they grew up on the beach in Western Australia and

surfed every day till they was fifteen. Oh wow, and now they're a writer or whatever it is. I'm like, what happened to the surfing or all that kind of stuff. So the answer is the answer is what about you? Are you a big prepper? I feel like you're probably in my wheelhouse somewhere.

So I remember the first time having I remember Dave Hughes booking, and I'd been badgering him as I do look in and I was waiting for response, and then randomly one day he goes, what about now, and I'm like, and I remember going panic, I'm not prepared, And then it was like, TIF, you don't prepare, sit the f down, say yes and that.

have to. It's like me, and I've said this to me many times, but when I had to do my reviews for my PhD, when you go and you stand in front of a panel and you've got to talk to these four professors who don't know you, don't care about you, neither should they. What I mean is it's just an academic kind of milestone that they're going to review you, grill you, question you, and put all of your research and your methodology and everything under the spotlight.

And you need to be able to just talk in real time and answer hard questions with much smarter than you people. Well, for me, that's the scariest fucking thing

I've done in the last ten years. Right. But I remember doing a gig a few months ago where and I wrote about it the other day on LinkedIn, and I was standing on the stage and there was a thousand people in the room and I got introduced and the room went quiet, and I could pretty much hear my heart and it was great, and the lights went down and everybody and I just had this awareness that one thousand people are staring at me. My feeling on

my emotion was excitement. I'm like, how fucking lucky am I? How great is this? But in front of those those four profs, absolutely out of my wheelhouse, because in that environment, they don't give a fuck if you're funny or intuitive or on the spot, or you've got great stories or great or who you are or oh yeah, did you know I've got a great podcast? Well, no, we don't care.

You're just a student. And you're in the middle of an academic fucking formality, So stop, you know, we don't care if you're funny, we don't care if you're old, we don't care. We just want to know about your research because we're going to give you, you know, a green light, orange light, or red light. So stop fucking around and just start telling us about what you've done. Like, oh my god, I'm so scared. You're so mean love me, Like all my fucking insecurity came out.

years ago and I was the fucking host. So and then the amount of people that listened to that episode three years ago that are going to listen now three years later, and the amount that they recall from that, you know, three year ago experience, I don't think you need to worry about as much as you might think you do. However, if you had them on six weeks ago, eight weeks ago, that's different. That's different.

you know, Like, how do I teach nonscience? Ye? People science, so it doesn't sound like science because it's just really about the human experience. It's like, everyone's got to eat. Let's talk about food, but let's talk about food in a way that they understand and it's meaningful. Everybody's got a mind, So let's talk about psychology without even mentioning the words psychology. You know, everybody's got to kind of

grow old. But the way that we grow old or the way that we age is somewhat a variable, and we have some say into that. So how do I talk about you know, longevity and health span and all of these things that can be very nuanced and very complicated to talk about without any of that, without the nuance, without the complication, without the psychobabble, without the academic jargon, to just give people stuff that is for them, something they can turn into behavior, Like, oh, I heard Craig

talk about this, and now I'm going to try it. Boom, that's perfect, you know. So that's that's that making and this is I think we are the you know I said the other day when I wrote that thing about standing on stage and sharing like everything that you and I share other than just personal stories like you and I am not saying anything that really that has never been said before, Like you're not the wisdom. I'm not the wisdom. You're not the magic. I'm not the magic.

You're not the gold. I'm not the gold. We're just having a conversations and trying to point people towards it. Like we're the conduit to the wisdom. Where the conduit to the ideas? Where the conduit to the science. I'm not the science. I'm just a bloke who's falling over the line of a PhD. Like fucking idiot. You know. It's it's so I think that you take that responsibility off your shop and you go look, you know, it's like I said, how often do I get something wrong on this show?

You know, It's a million things. But that's what I love about the organicness of an unscripted, unplanned, in the moment, real world, just chat that happens to be recorded for a bunch of people.

my mouth stuff that. But but in terms of being real and going you know, I feel like, yes, you can talk about high performance, and you can talk about optimal nutrition and lifestyle and diet and building a brand and building a business and building wealth, and you know, you can talk about all of that and we do talk about all that, how do we think better, do better,

create better, become better? How do we do that? Like what are the key you know, attributes and habits of high performers and all that shit, And there will always be a degree of that. But also when the person or persons that are talking about that go like, you can edit this if you want. But before we started, you felt kind of shit, and you go, I feel just physically exhausted. And I said, well, do you do you this is very real everybody. I said, do you want to put it off? Do you want to do

it later? And you went, nah, I'll start because I might feel better. I often feel better through it, right, And so people aren't You're not going to watch Channel nine news and they're going to go, you know what, at the start of the news, I was a bit shit, but I feel better. Everyone like I've really you know, since Jane's done the weather, I've really picked up. And now at the end of the you know that's not happening. Neither should it happen on the news or on television,

I guess. But it's like I like the fact that I can go, well, hey, everyone, Tiff and I had a chat before we press the go button, and she was feeling a bit rubbish and she said, but let's just fucking do it. You know. So your number at the start was too what is it now? Honestly good?

I fuck up. And sometimes I'm brilliant. Sometimes I'm the smartest in the room. Sometimes I'm the dumbest, and all of that's okay. But I think when you are you are real with people like that, Just like why I explained what we're doing today, like honestly, just too fucking hard to put together a big razzle dazzle, you know, twenty thirty people podcast with and let's do it live. Let's you know, and we'll have one hundred people in on the zoom call. And it's like, at this point

in time, it's just logistically too hard. Could we do it at twenty five hundred or three thousand maybe, And if we can, then we might do it. But I mean, this is this is just where we're at.

Doctor Jody Richardson, Doctor Sam Casey, doctor Bill Sullivan, doctor Jeff Grows, doctor Denise Vanesse or Furnace, doctor Car McDonald, doctor Lillian in the Doctor Paul Taylor, the newly acquired PhD. Doctor Paul Taylor, well done you, Doctor Alex Kofeman, doctor Mark Cohen, doctor Hannah Coral, Jackie Lauder, Jeff Jout, Mick Hall, David Gillespie, fucking gillespo Win, a winner chicken dinner. All I want, all I want from Gillespow is a compliment.

I can die happy when basically tells me, imagine if could you imagine this? I say something and Gillspoe goes, oh, I didn't know that, Thanks Craig. He's never going to fucking say that, right, It's like this, how insecure I am? I just want Gillispow to think I'm a bit smart, That's how insecure I am. And also around the crab who's you know, bigger and better than me and stronger than me in the gym. I know this is pathetic, That's all right, it's pathetic. I just want him to

just fucking compliment me on something. I spent twenty years telling him he looks fucking amazing, and he basically goes, yes, I do.

Kate Saved, the Lovely Kate Saved from beefit Food, Nicki Morrison, the Angel, Jackie Cooper, five time Olympion, five time World Champion, ex athlete of Mine, Pete Shepherd, Brad Cunningham from the Fit Shop, Carly Taylor and also Carly Cunningham was on a bunch too. Carly Taylor, wife of Paul, who's a mate using Francis Sleech, Bianca Chatfield Chatters who hasn't been on for a while, Lucas aon. You know Lucas the the health wellness kind of biohacking. He's moved to Dubai,

did you know that? By he's just living his best life over I think there are a few less rules and regulations over there. I don't know what that means, but I do know a few bodybuilders who go over there and come back mysteriously a little bit bigger. I don't think Lucas is doing any of that, by the way, but I do know quite a few bodybuilders who seem to enjoy their time over there, come back looking like a fucking cartoon character six months ago. They look like

the bloke who delivers your pizza. I'm like, what's going on? What's going on with you? Cameron Swab, the Great Cameron Swab, Brad McEwan, Josh Peterman, Toby Morrison, Lisa Alexander, former coach of the Australian Diamonds, Andrew May, Steph prem and pastor Paul Pastor Paul Joy, who's one of the greatest illustrators in Australia, who's been on a bit but also comes

to lots of events and helps out. So all right, anything else before we jump into these kind of this snapshot, this kind of eight year synopsis of thoughts and ideas and you know, strategies that we might share with the world, anything else you want to.

to consider to do list, and to execute that. I'm going to bring the Yin and the Yang, the Carmen, the Storm, the Whippet, and the Golden Retriever into the conversation. And we're kicking off with the whippet. Of course we are, Hello, Whippet. Do you like that? I love that I wrote that. It's not often I write shit, but I thought the Yin and the Yang well, you're one of them. I don't know which, the Carmen, the Storm. We know which fucking one of those you are, and we know which

one Melissa is. Melissa's like typ Mum and the whippet and the Golden Retriever. Well fucking say no more so. So all right, now I've written a bunch of kind of like I would say, you know, to do list items or things that you might consider that might help your life or help you in your life create better outcomes. Tiff Off, You.

ourselves as more knowing than the next person. And one of the problems with being unable to accept and express the truth that well, look this is what I think, but it could be wrong, is that we then make ourselves unteachable and when we need it's like when we need to be right, like you think about I heard Simon Sinek talking about this very recently. Tiffany was talking about the fact that and I've said this, but he articulated it better than me. He was saying, everyone who's

evil doesn't think evil. Everyone who's don't doing the wrong thing doesn't think they're doing the wrong thing. Like everyone who believes they're absolutely right believes they are absolutely right. And therefore, believing that you are absolutely right means that everyone who doesn't align with you is absolutely wrong. Now, even if you just think about that, and I'm not saying anyone's right or wrong. I'm not making any judgment

on anything that you believe. But even if we just hit the fucking brakes for a moment and go, yeah, I can't get everything right, Like I've got to be wrong about things. And then not only the acceptance that I will be wrong and I could be wrong numerous times a day. Well that's the acknowledgment. But then the next part is being okay with that and being okay with being wrong. You know, we are especially right now.

There's so I don't even want to open the door on what it is but we all know what's going on at the moment, and we've just got all these different groups shouting at each other, and you never see someone from Group A come out and go, you know what. I listened to Group B and TIF. I've got to tell you that they really made some strong points, and I realized that me and my brethren and Group A are probably probably wrong about this particular thing. So I'm

actually I've changed my mind. I've let go of that belief. I've actually got a new belief, or at the very least, I'm quite willing to admit that I could be wrong on this. But nobody does that because everybody's fucking addicted to being right, because everybody's scared of being wrong yet, but it's an unavoidable part of the human experience. It's so stupid that you think you can't be wrong, and people will go, oh, yeah, of course I get things wrong.

Yeah no, But in the moment, nobody accepts that they might be. Like if someone's in an argument, or if someone's just you know, throwing hate on the internet, and then somebody else writes back and makes a really valid point. Show me the time where someone ever said on any fucking platform. I thought about what you said in response to what I said, and I actually think I'm wrong and you're right. Like that never happens. So I mean,

just that is something to think about. So navigating life, being comfortable enough and humble enough and courageous enough to know that you can be wrong. I just think that it's absolutely crucial for not only for our growth and development, but also for connection, trust, respect, rapport. Like if all you're ever doing is yelling or disagreeing with people who aren't like you or don't think like you, you're just in a cult. You're just in a cult.

Sometime is the transformation. Sometimes it's the it's the the understanding, the awareness, the resilience, the insight, the knowledge that you gain in doing that thing. Like we think it's all about the finish line, and then we realize, oh, it's got nothing to do with it finish line. It's not about what I achieve, It's about who I become doing that thing, you know. And I think for this is my perspective, but I think for like most of the people that I work with, So that's a very specific group.

So I'm not talking on a global level, but I think most of the people that I work with and coach, and I would think a fair percentage of the people that listen to us, they don't need to change their external world situation, circumstance environment as much as they need to change their internal one. Because when I'm different but in the same situation, my experience in the same situation

is different. You know, when I'm better, when I'm more resilient, when I'm more solution focused, when I've got better energy, when I'm sleeping better, when I'm eating better, when I'm when I'm consciously and proactively working on being a better me, then my life experience in general is better. So my life's situation might might stay the same, but my life experience is better, and that's because I'm doing the hard thing to get the good thing.

and they're all fucking amazing. Like, there was truly no one that I didn't like, like I liked all of them, and none of them, thank God for them, none of them were like me. It just it was like, oh, it's just going there. Apart from the research much that I was doing, but just being in that environment, I learned so much because you know, I tend to, naturally, as most of us do, kind of hang out with people who were a bit like us.

very problematic. But so I changed and part of that was talking with one of the young women in the room about about this thing about understanding how you are for others, and I can't remember the exact conversation, but I was thinking it. I wonder if it was weird for them, because there's you know, there's ten people in the room, and nine of them are somewhere between you know,

twenty two and thirty or twenty three and thirty. And then there's this bloke who literally is probably older than most of their parents, sitting in the farka becal listening to fucking James Taylor in his nine sixty four headphones and you know, so not the same. Yeah, but I I felt energized. I'm like, oh God, I love and you know what else, Also, when you go into that room, nobody has any history with you, so nobody knows you. Nobody has any expel dictations of you, maybe other than

just expectations we'd have of any decent human. But nobody thinks, oh, that's such and such he does this, or he does that. The only thing they really knew about me was that I was sitting in that cubicle over there, and I was old, and you know eventually what I was researching, and obviously we got to know each other over time. But they didn't know I had a podcast. They didn't

know that i'd owned gym's. They didn't know that I'd written books, they didn't know that I'd worked in media, and not that those things are things to hang my hat on, but like a lot of the things that people know me for or recognize me for, they had none of that. So it was nice to go in almost as a blank social canvas. You know. It's like, this is just this is just me in a room with people and I have nothing or I don't want to impress them with any stories. I just want to

be here and go. I'm a student, your students, you do your shit. I'll do my shit. And you know, can you show me where the photocopy is or can you tell me how to open this file or can you tell me how to turn this on? You know, just that was great.

the room likes me. There's probably a few ringings like who the fuck is this and why did you bring me to this? But that environment is just a beautiful, great energy. You go in, you feel special, you feel seen, you feel fucking great, and you know your egos getting stroked and your fucking self esteems through the roof and you're like, fuck, I'm amazing. And then you go, I've told you this story, and I went from literally that in Sydney to the Quantus Club. Do you remember this story?

of what right. And here's the thing. Of course, she wasn't fucking looking at me. She was looking past me, at a much younger, better, hotter version of me. She

was looking at him, smiling at him. And then she caught me looking all fucking glib, all fucking look, look at you looking at me and me just so I just smiled back at her like a weird fucking granddad, and she basically just snit like she just had this scowl on her face because I was and I went, that's right, You're just an old guy with a case in the Countess club. You're fucking no one. Go sit in your corner and get a coffee and a dry biscuits, dry biscuit you fuck with. And it was the best

thing ever. It was the best thing ever, because I'm like, you just get fucking carried away with yourself it's so easy. It's so easy. That's why I've got to keep going. You're not You're not the reason they're there.

but it's probably not great. You can't get on this show or your show and go hi Ruan Nam. Look, I know it's a two thousandth episode, but fucking hell, my bum hurts, and you know I've got to I've got I don't.

don't be fearless. That's fucking stupid. It's like, there are lots of things you should be fearful of or scared of, because that's evolutionarily wired into your brain to keep you

safe and to protect you from threats. So fear actually plays a very preserving role, like it's but then there's you know, there's what you would call logical reasonable fears, perhaps life saving fears, and then the ones that are basically an emotional and a psychological prison that keep you trapped, either emotionally or psychologically or behaviorally or even for some people with agrophobia and things like that sociologically where you scared to talk or scared to go out or And

so when I say, you know, do what scares you, I don't mean run out and just the thing that you're terrorize. Just fucking get over yourself and go do it. But maybe there's a maybe there's a one out of a hundred little step that you could take. Maybe there's a maybe there's a door that you could crack open and just have a look in. Maybe you could move the needle a tiny bit. And like, there's nobody listening

to this that doesn't want to be courageous. There's Nobody listening to this that doesn't want to be mentally and emotionally strong. There's nobody listening that wants to lack resilience. Nobody, But for most of us, some of us I think are just more coreage just than others. I'm not one.

I'm not one. For me. The courage and the resilience and the competence and the confidence and the skill just evolves as you keep allowing yourself to be scared while doing it, you know, like I did a or the other day I did one, didn't I I'm not afraid to be afraid, or don't be Tom Cruise said that, which is hilarious that I'm quoting Tom Cruise, But when he said that, I don't know if that's I actually think it's original because I tried to find the original source.

But he said, like, they'll talk about his stunts and all of that that he does, and like, why the fuck would you? He doesn't need to, but he does, and he's like, I'm not afraid of being afraid, and

I'm like, I love that. I thought, yeah, that is that is a really simple, nice way of saying something that can be profoundly life changing, and so many people are so scared of so many different things, and whether or not that's spiders, or whether or not it's having a hard conversation, or whether or not it's heights, or whether it's not it's going for a job interview, or trying to learn to swim at fifty or to understand technology, you know, whatever it is, like, it's only relevant to us.

But it's in the doing, in the middle of the fear that again, that we become who we want to become, or a better version. Hit the pause button, Hit the pause button. I feel like, to me, life for many people is I've spoken about this, but a groundhog day of repetition and doing the things that don't work, and life and relationships and career and you know, all of these it has its own energy. It's like I've used this metaphor before, but it's my favorite, so I'm going

to use it again. And it's like, you're life is like a river and it's got its own energy, it's got its own current, it's flowing in a certain direction. It's powerful. And in this metaphor, we're in the river. You're in your life. You're in the river and the energy and the momentum of that river or that life will take you in the direction that it's currently headed. If you don't find a way to hit the pause button, if you don't find a way to extract yourself, either

theoretically or practically for a while. It might be an hour, it might be a week, where you get away from your life and your job, and your environment and your situation and certain relationships, where you just go somewhere so you can go, all right, what do I want the next year or two or five to look like? And I think you know, being able to metaphorically swim to the side of the river to get out of the river. Now we can see the river, we can see what's happening.

When we're on the side of the river. We have a perspective and an awareness and an understanding that no one can get in the river. And this is why being in the river twenty four to seven, three hundred and sixty five days of the year is a sure way to end up in a place you don't want to be. Because now you are a passenger in the river. You're not driving the boat. You know, you're not driving the metaphoric bus. You're not the bus driving now you're

the passenger on the bus, and then this one. You know, you're the stick in the river. You're the leaf on the top of the river getting taken wherever the river wants to tell you take you. And I think that, you know, hitting the pause button to me is analogous to doing a stock taken. All right, where am I? Now? What am I doing? What's my life telling me? What's my body telling me? What's my bank account, what's my career,

what's my relationships, what's my spiritual life, what's my mental health? Like, what's everything telling me? What we're doing is we're trying to get a little bit of distance from the the repetition of the foreverness and the continuity of us and our life. And it's like so many people have said to me, and I'm sure you tif I get so much clarity when i'm away, like on holidays. I'm not in my house, I'm not around my friends, I'm not

doing my job, but I'm away. And it's like you when you were in the Humalayas, You're the same person. You still got to sleep, you still got to you still got to pooh, you still got to do all the things that you've got to do. You're still gotta You're still a human, but you're just a human in another context. And when you're in a different context or a different situation or a different geographical location, you are the same, but you're not the same. Like I bet

you literally felt different over there. Yeah, you're like, I'm like different, what is that about? And that's because consciously or not, the breaks will put on your Australian life, like everything's you know, the environment, the people, the repetition, the continuity, the groundhog Danus, Well that's all put on hold. Now you're in another part of the world with different people,

in a different environment, in nature, having different its. Oh fuck, you can see things now because you're not in the river. You're not in the river. You weigh up the mountain above the river and you're going, oh fuck, I'm not sure I want to be in that river, or I'm not sure I want to be going in the direction that that river's currently taken me. Maybe I need a paddle, or maybe I never need to walk over to that other river, or maybe I need to just stay the fuck out of the river for a day or a

week or a month to get clarity. I don't want to jump back into the thing that isn't really working. Oh but all I know is the river. Yeah, the river. I'm always in the river. I'm familiar with the river. I'm comfortable with the river. There's a level of certainty about the river. So I'm getting back in the river. Fuck the river. Maybe the river's not where you should be. Maybe it's the mountain you should be, or maybe it's

a different river. Well, maybe you need to be in the same river but with a different focus, you know. And I think for me, like hitting the pause button on your life metaphorically and in some ways practically it's a gift, like, yeah, I won't bore everyone with my stories, but numerous times I've taken.

life next year. Yeah. It's like I don't even take holidays, you know, but fortunately with my work, like I do travel, I do stay in nice places and I do get to be in other bits of Australia and periodically the world. But I think I am due for a stock take myself. Yeah, but I think it's important that we all do it.

want to have habits that are self destructive. I don't I you know, it's trying to get clear about Sometimes in order to find clarity about what we really truly want, we need to first sometimes get clear about what we don't want. And so an example of that was, or an example of that is, you know, me figuring out when I was young that I didn't want a boss per se. But I didn't know what the alternative would look like. I just know, I just knew that what I don't want is I don't want a nine to five.

I didn't for one moment think they were bad. I just didn't think that was for me, and it's not for me. And so I figured out, all right, I don't want to wear a suit. I don't want to sit at a desk with l fucking you know, fluo lights buzzing over my head. I don't want to I don't want to clock in and clock out, And I don't want to do basically a form of the same or similar thing every day. No disrespect to anyone who has a job that looks like that, that's just not me.

But I didn't know for a long time exactly what the thing was that I did want because I didn't have I had no experience, as in, you know, building something or developing something, or being an entrepreneur or conceptualizing something and then turning that theoretical thing in my head into a real world in a real thing in the world.

But you know, I think that I think that that just helps with the goal setting process sometimes because so many people have said to me when I say, well, you know what, what's your ideal job, and they go, I don't know, but I'd like to be somewhere where they're not. And I go, well, let's let's figure out what your ideal job is, you know. Or it's like, you know, what would you love to do with your life?

I'm not sure? All right, Well, let's talk about the stuff that you're doing now that might be working or might not be working. Let's do it as we said before, Let's do a stock take or a treasure hunt or whatever we want to call it on your current operating system. And let's like if we think about you think the way tif that if we have a business, we have a business development plan. If we have money and we want to build wealth, we have a financial plan. You know.

If we have a car, we get it serviced regularly and we look after it. And basically for everything we have strategies, plans to do, lists, accountability, but so many people do not really have an actual plan, strategy, process, accountability system for their life. And so when we start to live proactively and intentionally rather than reactively and unintentionally, then we can start to build a life based on the things that matter to us. So we don't wake up at fifty and go, how the fuck did I

end up here? Well, at the risk of hurting your feelings, you ended up there primarily because of your choices and actions,

Like that's the answer. That's the answer. Which is not to say you didn't have a hard time or you didn't have real challenges, not to say that, but even someone like Johnny, who you know and love, who's got so many challenges, but just in the middle of all of the shit that he can't control, which is a lot of things, spinal cord injury, brain injury, severe pain, very restricted mobility, you know, a whole lot of things that he can't change. So what he does is he goes, well,

what can I do? And he controls that. He comes to the gym. Sometimes he's in so much pain he's got to go home again. Sometimes he's okay. Sometimes his legs start spasming and shaking so bad that I need to sit him down or almost lie him down, just to stop that that thing that's going on in his body. You know. Sometimes he's happy, sometimes he's a bit sad. Sometimes he's emotional because he's got a TBI, you know,

but we just love him, you know. So there's despite the despite the difficulty, like and this is the thing. It's of course, it's fucking hard. Of course, of course we get it. But if we don't control our life, our life will be controlled either by others or by environment, and the situation steps down off soapbox number eight.

But we also want to present ourselves a certain way to the world because we all want love and attention and approval, and some of us don't want attention, to be honest, but we have an identity, and that identity might be the way that we live, or it might be our religion or our spiritual beliefs, or it might be our job, or it might be our academic achievements.

But the problem, as I see it, with having a fixed identity is that it can be almost like a self created prison, you know, in that like you are not an identity. Just like this sound dumb, right, Like, just like an ad for a car is not the car, do you know what I mean? It's the ad. It's the that it's presented. Oh, look at its shiny wheels, look at the beautiful photographs, look at the features, But all of that is an ad for the car. It's not the car, right. I don't want to see the

Tiff ad. I don't want to see the persona, you know. I don't want to see your brand or your identity. Or I don't want to see this the Tiff show real. I want to know Tiff, not the fucking show real, you know. And I think that this is really pervasive across a lot of kind of spaces, and you think about even and we've joked about this before, the amount

of I've never been on a dating website. I don't know if you have, doesn't matter, but where we talk about, you know, the way that people put up the best photo that was ever taken of them and at thirteen years old, and in that one photo they look as close to fucking amazing as possible for them, no disrespect. And then the person ticks whatever based on what they

see on the thing. And then they turn up and our mate doesn't look anything like his photo, but he puts that photo up there because he's trying to create an identity. Oh this is me, Look what I look like. Oh you don't look like that, and that's okay. It doesn't matter what you look like. You know, he is an idea. Put up a shit photo, and then they might be pleasantly surprised when they turn up, not the other way around. You know, it's a hard thing to unpack.

But and then I feel like when a certain thing is our identity, we make ourselves a bit unteachable unless that thing, that theology, that idea, that belief, that value, if that's intertwined with my identity and your belief, value, idea, theology is not the same as mine, and you're critical of my whatever, then you're critical of me. And that's a I think we need to hold onto our beliefs and ideas an identity. Loosely, do you think.

get the people. You know. It's like me, if if somebody books me for a speaking event and they ring Melissa, and Melissa says, yeah, it's going to be seventy five dollars, They're going to go, what because I have a brand as a speaker or I'm known as that, and so there's you know, but I think when you are, part of your mission is to create this identity that isn't really you. It's like it's it's literally like you marketing

you to make yourself more attractive, more desirable. While I intellectually get it, and I get it from a marketing and branding point of view, I really get it. I'm like, of course, you know, if you're you know, we don't like saying this, but I'm going to say it right in our world. Look, at social media. If you're a really really attractive guy or girl, you know, lady or man, you've got an advantage. Now should it be that way,

I don't know, but it is that way. You know, if I'm thirty, I'm treated differently to when I'm sixty. There's no self pity in that. It's just it's just true. So I don't think that will ever go away. But I just think that, you know, one, if you're going to build a brand, an identity, and a social media presence, I don't actually think that's a bad thing as low as you know, you in the middle of all of that ship that you are not you know, where are

you in the middle of that? Because that's just that's the U show. And sure have a U show, but don't confuse the show with a person.

this many shares? It shouldn't get that many shares? And what's going on? You know? And then I'm like, what is wrong with you? I'm literally changing my emotional status, changing because of an expectation that I had of what other people should do to something that I wrote. So I am literally making myself sad or anxious right because I am anticipating what should happen or what's likely to happen off the back of a thing that I wrote or said or did, and then when I have an

expectation and people don't eat that, I get disappointed. But that's based on my expected result, not the result. You know, It's like expecting people to be amazing this time when they are a prick to you the last hundred times. Well, if someone was a prick to you, or they've been a prick to you pretty consistently, or they've been a you know, not nice to you, let you down, hurt you, lied to you, mistreated you, why would you expect them

to be different. Now I'm not saying be negative. I'm saying, look, hope they might be different, you know, still be the good person, but don't be a fucking dormat. Like your job is not to, you know, make everything okay for everybody. It's some stage. Yeah, be loving, be kind, be compassionate, be empathetic, but don't don't don't let people destroy your self esteem or your capacity to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Because I'm a giver, well, eventually you won't be able

to give, you know, you need to. It sounds selfish.

I don't know how I got here, and this is probably totally off topic, but you know, I think in a I think prioritizing yourself, not in a greedy, selfish way, but in a self preservation way is paramount because if you get out of bed and you're now physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, you're an eight or nine out of ten at the start of the day or at ten, then your experiences with other people are better, Your meetings are better, your

conflict resolution is better, or you know, you build more rapport and trust and you have more fun and they like you more and you're better. You're just better. But if you get out of bed and you're already a three out of ten before your feet hit the fucking floor, good luck having a good day. Steps down, off soapbox. Let's do two more and then we'll we'll let that other person take over the reins.

happened on the two thousand journey. You know the people that we've helped, and obviously there's lots of people we haven't helped, but the guests that we've spoken with, the numerous blessings that have come our way, the sponsors that we've had, the light bulbs that have gone on, the healing that's happened, you know, the friendships that have been formed. You know, even the typ conferences that we're going to have another one of next year. Everyone, you know, all

that stuff. For me, it's just been it's been the one to two thousand that's just been the gift. You know, it's about it is. It is about who you become. And it's a lovely milestone to get to two thousand episodes. But it's like the stuff that we've done really matters to me. The most.

Like I don't know you infinitely, but I know you way better than I did seven or eight years ago. And so now I because I have an understanding of how you think and your values and who you are and your emotions and the way that you navigate life, just like you do all of that for me as well.

I think I have a much better ability to be able to get to where I want to get in a conversation or an exchange or whatever it is that we're doing, to get there quicker without nobody's feelings hurt and without me being inappropriate or me being me making

a false assumption about how you'll interpret this. And I just think that, you know, it's called theory of mind, as everybody now knows, but just that having an awareness and a curiosity in what's happening in someone else's head, not like, oh why the fuck do they do that? You know? Not that like, not not critically, just like from a point of curiosity, it's like I probably shouldn't

say this, but she'll never hear it. But like when I'm around my mum, the way that I am around my mum, my energy is very different, The way I talk to her is very different. The way I manage moments with Mum is very different. Because right now, at eighty six, like the world is a bit scary. She's okay, but things that never used to bother her obviously bother her now. And even if there's something even if there's nothing to worry about me, the guru that isn't really going, oh, Mary,

there's nothing to worry about, so stop worrying. That's fucking stupid advice, because saying that will not help her. In fact, it might make her more anxious. It might make her feel inadequate around me. It might make her feel silly because I'm pointing out, you know all these things, Well, it's just thoughtless and it's unaware, and it's actually destructive, not productive. So I don't need to fuel the fire

of insecurity and anxiety. But I definitely need to understand the insecurity and the anxiety so that I can be what Mum needs, so that I can hopefully as much as in my control, I can create an interaction and a moment in time and an experience with my mum that leaves her hopefully more comfortable, not more anxious. And that's all about understanding the person in front of you, understanding how they think, and not defaulting to, well, this is how I see it, so this is how everyone

says it. In fact, that's probably one of the dumbest assumptions in human behavior and probably one of the things that leads to more problems than anything else on an interpersonal level, is just assuming that what you're saying to somebody is going to be understood and comprehended and acted upon the way that you think it will be. In other words, your intention will be their experience. Your understanding

is their understanding? Well, that's hysterically untrue, and so when you move forward going they almost definitely don't think like me. That's my starting point. So how do they think, how do I solve this problem, or how do I open the door on this discussion, or how do I be what they need right now? How do I be what they need? You know, and you're going to get that wrong, But just having that awareness and that curiosity around other

people's thinking is definitely something that is life changing. If if we can open the door on it.

didn't have. Now you've immediately got information and insight that you didn't have, And now if you use that wisely, you've got better understanding. You've got you've got more horsepower in the conversation, and so being able to ask questions that might shed a light on things that are currently in the darkness, you know, to be able to ask people about you know, where did that, where'd that belief come from? That idea? Wow, you said that you know

you had a rough childhood. Could you as much as you're comfortable to Could you tell me about that a bit, because what a lot of people do is they go, oh, yeah, I had a rough childhood too, So do you know what I mean? It's like, oh you did this, Yeah I did that too, but time six whereas and have I ever done that? One hundred percent? I've done that, and so you know, just shutting the fuck up. But

really truly being present, not like oh I'm a good listener. No, truly be present and truly seek first to understand and then that, you know, just go into that that encounter with that as your priority if that needs to be the priority. Like my priority today is not to resolve this or figure out that or create an incredible plan. My priority with this person today being meeting one perhaps or encounter one or whatever, is just try to understand

who they are, you know. And I'll say that like if I meet brand new people and they're coming to see me, go tell me about you, and they're like, what do you want to know? Whatever you want? Tell me ready, set go, and then they just talk and then I'll go, good, what does that mean? No? You know that? Say go cool? Can you expand you said before this, can you I don't get it. What does

that mean for you? And then by the time you've asked twenty good questions, you might have gained more insight and understanding and awareness in one hour than you would have in a work situation working next to somebody for a year that you never tried to do that with. Yeah, yeah, and so, but it has to be a conscious thing. Yeah. So, hey cookie, it's been fun. I appreciate you. What's your score? Are you still a six or have you rocketed up to a six and a half.

be honest. That fucks me off a little bit that you're a bit better than me now and I may have some unresolved anger and jealousy and resentment, but you know, keep going where you grow. Thanks Cookie, Thanks help O. Good a team. I'm back. I'm bloody back. I'm back. I just went and had we I'm going to be honest, how did we?

to say just a little bit fucking bossy. She presents as Mary Poppins. She's like a Disney character and on here you'll get all of that. You'll get the whole kind of Mary Poppins vibe, you know, and frozen, you'll get a bit of that. But wait till the fucking camera stops rolling. It's terrifying. Melissa Marie Cameron. The Coin of the World, The Coin of the U Project. Where have you been?

She organizes all of my corporate work and travel, and she works with Nova, who are our kind of supporters. We're intertwined with Nova, and so she does all that grown up. I don't know what the fuck she does, but she does something over there. I'm not sure. Look, here's what I know. It involves money, involves sponsors and what else. I know. We don't get enough, so Melissa try harder. No, but she runs the business, the businesses

and she's amazing. And for those of you who do know her, send some love on the typ Facebook page and ask her to do more than one a year. Well, she hasn't done. How long do you reckon it is since you've been on I would say three years.

a year and you can. But I can't do the shit you can do. So what we're doing everyone, of course, you know, because we're halfway through, so we've chatted with TIV and again, thank you all so much for being part of our journey over the two thousand episodes in

that almost eight years. And yeah, so we're just going to continue on with just some thoughts and ideas that I think are somewhat representative important representative kind of lessons to come out of or thought bubbles to explore to come out of the last two thousand conversations or thereabouts

on the You project. I'm interested to hear what people think about the bit because we're doing this in bits, and I recorded that you know that bit at the start, Yes, the King, the King, James, Yes, and you know, you know when you do we'll get into it in a minute, but you know when you do shit like I do this all the time everyone because I'm a big fucking baby who's insecure. I'll do something then i'll go less,

what do you think of this? And if she's she goes, oh it's good, or a shit, I goes, yeah, I'm definitely not doing it then, or if she goes it's good, I'm like, I'm definitely doing it then. So not insecure at all. So as soon as I wrote that, because I have that churchy background and because all of my biblical stuff was in that Literally it's called King James. That's written in kind of that King James style vibe, And I find it really easy to write in that language,

and it's kind of for me. It's familiar, and it's funny, and it's a little bit of kind of an intersection of where I used to be and where I am now, and it's and I try for it not to be disrespectful from a theological perspective, But then I think, to me, it sounds like funny and normal. But I think other people would hear that and go, what the fuck is he saying? Like what is this? Like? I don't what

is he saying? What do these words mean? Or worse still, imagine a new person thinking this is actually how I just talk? Yes, this is They're like, is that Saint Peter introing the show?

thinking like you. And that was it. And so we've got a few more to get through. Don't know if we're going to be thirty minutes, folks or ninety minutes, but definitely stick around if you can. And I'll try to make this as user friendly and as kind of understandable, the least jargon, the least sciencey kind of psychobabble that we can manage. So Number one on your list, Melissa.

to be exceptional? Well, if I just outlast everyone that's doing exceptional, if I'm the guy that does six hundred episodes that make no money when the average podcast lasts seven or eight episodes and I do six hundred. Well, that's not because I'm smarter or better. That's not because I'm gifted. That's not because I'm clever. That's just because

I did what most people won't do right. And I'm not saying oh one, no great, I'm saying no, we can all find a way to, through choices and behaviors and resilience, to do something that will help us create an exceptional outcome. And that's not because we're better than other people, or we have a superiority complex, or we are ourselves innately exceptional. It's because we're going to go Well, you know, I want to write a book, and I want to get that book published, and I want to

sell some books. Well, I think I've spoken to a thousand people in my life who want to write a book. But the actual number of those thousand people who wrote the book, planned the book, researched the book, wrote the book, edited the book, got the book published, got it turned into a real thing in the world from a theoretical thing in their mind, and then got it distributed and then sold books and then make some money from it. And this is not a criticism, this is just how

it works. Is that the majority will not do these things unless they are easy. So the amount of people that I know out of the thousand that said I'm going to write a book, I really want to write a book, it might be ten. And then the amount of those that actually had a commercial success that book, I'm not sure there was one. And that's not to say we can't do it, and that's maybe the make and dough from it is the variable. But they're getting to a point where you've got a printed book in

your hand. You know that is really just a matter of effort and consistency and time and even if you have to self publish. But I'm all about analyzing and weighing up. You know, what is the cost of the thing that I want to do? Firstly, what is it that I want to do? Be create?

and what's required of me? What's required of me to do that? Be that, create that, And so everything comes at a cost. You know, I've worked with so many people who were very successful, and not because they're in that innately talented or super gifted or better than anyone necessarily, but rather just because they fucking persevered like they were the exception to the rule. We know that most people who and this is not this is not hate, This is just how it happens. Most people who lose weight

regain it. Most people who decide to go to a gym join the gym and say I'm going to go every day. Most people don't go every day. Most people give up a greater percentage, more than fifty percent, and stop going within a relatively short time. Most people who said a new year's resolution don't achieve the new year's resolution, not because they can't, not because they don't have the capacity, but because they just fucking stop. So So what's normal

is giving up. What's normal is not finishing what we start. What's normal is not not dealing with the pain and the discomfort and the inconvenience and the roadblocks and the peaks and troughs, and the naysayers and the negativity and the bullshit and the discomfort and the uncertainty and the unfamiliarity. What's not normal is dealing with that and working through that. What's normal is to give up in the middle of that. And this is not a popular message, I don't care,

but it's fucking true message. And if you want to be exceptional, or you want to at the very least create exceptional outcomes, then you can't do what most people do because you will literally produce common results by doing common things. And now this is not about arrogance or superiority. This is about saying, all right, Melissa et al. You are going to produce results anyway. You are constantly producing results in your world, some of them good, some of

them fucking catastrophic, strophic, some of them Okay. Now, what is it that you want to produce and what is the thing that you want to be not because you're comparing yourself to anyone, But what's the thing that you want to be fucking great at? What do you want to be great at? What do you want to be successful at? What do you what do you want to what do you want to live in the middle of? And I think that's that, you know, this is really

part of the doing exceptional. To be exceptional is really just will I roll up my sleeves, will I do the work? And how long will I do it for? So do exceptional? To be exceptional?

the love and the hate. And what Melissa's talking about is so part of my program anyway, is what's called academic milestones, and I had four of them, and it's basically which I spoke about earlier with Tiff, where you go and you stand before a board of academics and professors, same thing, and then they basically evaluate you. And before my last one, which was you know, and like I said, they're either going to give you a green light, an

orange light, or a red light. There's a chance that they'll go you're out of the program, which they can still do even at that stage after years of research. It's just not to the quality. It's not to the standards. You don't know what you're talking about. Performed terribly. That can happen. It doesn't happen a lot, but that can happen. The next way, more common is that they give you an orange light and say, cool, you're on the right path, but you need to do more, and you need to

go through this again. You need to repeat this again. And I was positive I was either going to get a red or an orange light. The fact that I would get a green light hadn't even crossed my mind. And I was on Zoom the night before my review trying to remember I told you everyone, it's it's a oh I didn't tell you this bit. It's a PowerPoint presentation. Well fucking now, that's like me trying to peel bananas with boxing gloves on. I'm like, I can't do like.

I'm not a PowerPoint presentation person. Anyway, it doesn't matter about what you are, because Craig, it's it's we're not changing the fucking system for you, of course, of course, of course. And this is me saying, you know, mister, hey, just be adaptable. I'm like, fuck your adaptation, you know

this is dumb. Be more like me anyway. So the night before, I and Melissa and Chris, my senior supervisor, and Lucy my second supervisor, academic supervisor, I think, and Campbell, another guy who was so you have a whole team, you have a supporting team. And anyway, we were that's right. So there was five of us and we were we were on Zoom too two oclocky two o'clock in the and from literally seven pm. And I, I don't know what my emotional limit is, but I was right there.

And I honestly and at that point where you're exhausted and some things are like, this is not your natural habitat. And by the way, I'm not saying I'm great. In fact, I'm saying I wish I was great, because this would have been way less stressful. But because I with some things, you know, with technology and with like even using PowerPoint and all that stuff, which is very mundane and basic for most people, so I don't use it. So when and then when I go to use it, it's like I'm

trying to teach something that I don't actually understand. But anyway, I got through. I got through, and it was funny because the three previous reviews I was I was very very nervous, and leading up to this, I was hysterically nervous.

But then when it actually started, I don't know if you remember, and there was a bit of it's almost like I hit one out of the park, like I think one of the reviewers smiled, or or when oh yeah, that's interesting, or they gave me something positive which is which is a rarity.

And I think the other part of that too was there was no kind of escape clause, like you had a due date, everybody was going to be there, there

was no getting out of it. It was obviously with the fact that so many people know that you're doing your PhD, like there was so much on the line, and I think that also just kind of speaks to sometimes when you're forced to do something that can be the difference between you actually getting it done and you've got that accountability and not getting it done.

And you know, it's it's actually for the guy that's pretty comfortable most of his life now, Like most of my discomfort is self inflicted, you know, training, Like I'm walking a million miles a day, not that that's hard, but you know, sometimes like I'm walking it Nellie midnight because i haven't had you know, so I'm out and I've got to do fucking eight thousand steps before midnight or whatever it is, right, or you know, I'm deadlifting or I'm fucking leg pressing or a leg press last

week and I've had neural pain for fucking seven days. I'm like, oh, but anyway, it just is what it is. But yes, do exceptional to be exceptional? Yes?

there wasn't one. There was no course, there was no insurance, there was no industry, there was no profession. And I was well. I started peteing at twenty two, and then I set up my first studio at twenty six. But and I was you know, I just didn't know how to do anything. I didn't know how to lead people. I didn't know how to build a business. I didn't know about marketing or branding. I didn't know about accounting. I didn't know about insurance. I didn't know about how

to find a property and secure a lease. And I didn't know how to talk to lawyers. I didn't know how to pull all this shit together. I didn't know I didn't have any kind of business development plan. You know, I wouldn't have known what a business development plan like. But you just jump in, you know, you jump in and you'll sink or swim, and you'll fuck things up.

But if you don't give up when you fuck up the first thing, as long as you're not killing yourself or anyone in the process, you go all right, Well, that was terrible. My first staff meeting with my three staff was terrible. I was fucking hopeless. How can I be better? Or you know this, you know this thing happened. I've never dealt with that thing before. Or I've got an ang reclient and they're really mad at me and they want to how do I deal with angry people?

And it's not the business I'm working for, it's my business now. So all of that over the years, all of that, you know, trying to I think hard stuff is the best stuff, you know, and we don't want it to be you know, overwhelming and debilitating of course, and like choosing hard is way better, of course because you have the option, but still consciously doing things that you know are going to suck, because you know there's perhaps some light at the end of that darkness of suck.

You know, you know that I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this, but I know that if I do do it, I'll benefit from it because I'll develop understanding and skill and resilience and knowledge and awareness, and I'll be able to get better. But I can't get better if I'm always choosing safe, if every decision is about safety and certainty and predictability and familiarity and instant gratification and comfort, which it is for a lot

of people. Well fucking good luck trying to fulfill any of your potential because you can't do that being comfortable. So yeah, I think there's definite you know, and we've spoken before about Huberman's AMCC and mid singulate cortext. Oh,

let's bang on about that, shall we. It's just a bit of the brain everybody that when you do hard things, whatever the hard thing is, whether or not it's you know, cleaning the dishes at eleven thirty at night after a party and you really just want to go to bed, but you go, oh fuck it, and then you clean the dishes, you put them away, you clean the floor, and you really don't want to, but you do it.

When you're doing that thing that you probably should do but you don't want to do, it might be getting up as soon as the alarm goes off and you don't want to, but you do it. It might be you know, it could be whatever, having that hard conversation that you're scared to have, but you just go and have it anyway. So there's actually a part of our brain that grows when we choose to lean into the the scary shit or the hardship. You know, I feel like.

Maybe there's that kind of comparison, but not that internal kind of self judgment comparison where you look at what somebody else is doing and you either resent them or you resent yourself, or you immerse yourself in a little bit of self loathing because you're you're comparing two different things. You are not them and they are not you, and they don't have your genetics or talent or personality or resources,

and you don't have theirs. So it's not it's not really, it's not a productive use of our energy, or our attention or our focus. I think, for me, the only healthy comparison I need to think this through. I'm sure there's another one, but for me right now, the only healthy comparison that springs to mind is me comparing me with me. You know how I was a year ago, how I am now? You know how I did this six months ago? Or even you know when you got the flu. I don't compare my flu with your flu.

I go how I compared to Monday when I couldn't get out of bed and I was shit. Well now it's Friday, and yeah, I'm improving, I'm getting better. This

is good. I think there are healthy comparisons and unhealthy comparisons, but in general terms, you know, it's like, that's why I think something like which is a high level form of comparison, but is testing in the gym, where we go to the gym and we get you know, a form of an aerobic a VO two or a SUBVO two max test where we're testing aerobic capacity, and we might test upper and lower body strength, and we might test a flexibility range of movement around the joints. We

might do some balance testing. Like there's a bunch of testing that we can do with our body. That basically what it does, it gives us some baseline data. And then what we often do off the back of that is we'll go back in four weeks or eight weeks, or twelve weeks or six, six weeks, sixteen weeks, I should say, and we do the same thing. So we've got now the same person with the same body, albeit slightly modified perhaps, but the same person with the same body,

doing the same tests, and we're getting more results. And so we go, well, Melissa, on day one, you did one push up. I'm going to be honest, it wasn't great, you know. And now on you know, day seventy two, which is twelve day eighty four, twelve sevens or eighty four. Twelve weeks later, you're doing seven push ups and they're you know, full body weight and blah blah blah. Week four you did two, and so we're seeing growth, and we're seeing oh, by the way your body compositions changed

in the way that you wanted. It's changed. So we had a number for that, Now we have a new number. Also, your aerobic capacity is improved and you're resting. Heart rates dropped, and your blood pressures dropped, and your VO two max, which is you know, our oxygen carrying capacity has gone up, and all of these So I think that kind of comparison can be done in a really healthy way, and we don't need that level of expertise or scientific validation. We can go Hey, when I started running, or when

I started walker, jog, walk jog, eventually run. I used to do this five k circuit, it took me fifty minutes, and now I do the five k circuit in thirty minutes. So I've gone from ten minute you know ks, to six minute ks, and I reckon, I'm going to get quicker. So I'm doing the same distance with the same body at a different speed. And not only am I doing it quicker. I'm finding it easier than when I did it slower, and that's not because the distance has changed

or the course has changed, but rather I've changed. So that kind of comparison is a healthy comparison, probably the only one we should kind of engage in.

do they have this? Or what you know, why are they there in their lives and I'm here kind of thing.

that dude's a stud. I wonder if given the right circumstances preparation conditioning, I wonder if I could do that. And that's not something I'm interested in, but definitely if I was, i'd maybe I would use that guy as a source of inspiration. So definitely, I think we can use it in that context. However, I do not know the answer to this, but I would speculate that the majority of comparison off the back of social media is more to the unhealthy end of the scale, Like I think,

you know, literally comparison culture. You know, what we talk about more broadly these days. Add ain't a good thing that what we're talking about there. But again, with everything, it depends depends how we do it, depends why we

do it, you know, it depends like anything. You know, drinking water is healthy until you drink ten liters a day and then it's going to kill you because it dilutes things in your blood that shouldn't be diluted, and you get a thing called hypenetremia where all of your you know, minerals and salts get deleted and your blood pressure drops and people literally from being overhydrated. Well, obviously that's an extreme case, but it's still people drink and warm.

It's sometimes it's about what we do with the thing. Sometimes it's about the dose. You know. It's like, I've shared on this quite openly before, and I don't drink or smoke. Every now and then. Maybe five times a year, I'll have a two milligram nicorette gum because it kind of lights up my brain for an hour or two and I'm like, this is fucking terrific. But I won't have another one for like three months, and I'll only do it if if I need a little bit of

a cognitive boost. But would I recommend any listeners to do that. Nope, nope. I'm just telling you what I do every now and then. But it's like it's again, it's like, yeah, well that, oh, I guess that's okay. Craig, Like two milligrams of nicotine four times a year is probably not going to kill you. But twenty milligrams of nicotine every day is a different story. So it comes down and people go, I'm so surprised that. No, I don't confuse nicotine with cigarettes. Yes, most firstly, I'm not

saying nicotine is great. I'm saying most of the shit that kills you in cigarettes isn't the nicotine. Albeit, nicotine is addictive, but you know they are. Let's not have that conversation. But yes, let's move on to the Yeah, let's do that before I get fucking sidetracked and back myself into a cognitive and verbal cul de sac that I just did.

I understand that too. I've done that too. Not a good time, my ankle sore are that whatever the it's coming up to holidays, it's this And I'm not saying we should willing nearly just dive into things recklessly. However, if you are one of the people who have been almost starting things for ten years and you're never ready, you know what some people are really saying is, I'll start when I'm ready. They're really saying I'll start when

I'm not scared. I'll start when it's convenient, I'll start when it's easy, I'll start when it's comfortable, I'll start when it's risk free. Because the truth is the thing that most of us need to start to really create shift is usually fucking hard. And the dichotomy is, on the one hand, we want change and on the other hand we want to be comfortable, though, and change and comfort don't go to get So it's the willingness to go, yeah,

do I feel totally ready? Do I feel mentally and emotionally and no, of course, of course it's going to suck a bit, you know, And let's separate that kind of process from you know, diving into something that's reckless and dangerous. Of course, we're not suggesting.

most potential for growth. Yeah right, we just flipped that little bit right. We're like, hey, dude, you've got more scope for improvement over the next twelve months than everyone else in this room because you're zero. You're zero, and they're already somewhere between three and ten. You're zero in a year, you're going to be three. Yes, that's a massive improvement. But the dude who's eight in a year or the dude at they're not going to be ten,

they're going to be eight point one. They're going to have improved point one. You're going to improve three and So this is reframing. And this is, by the way, how do I get good at stuff that I'm bad at? Will you start when you're bad at it? You start unready you go okay, So this is going to suck. It's really just as we said before. It's accepting the price, like what's the price? The prices I'll get humiliated, the prices i'll have, I'll probably get an injury or two.

If we're talking about the dojo example, the price is I'll look silly. The price is, you know, a self esteem might take a fucking battering. And okay, are you okay with all of that? I am cool? Off you go boom the end. Stop fucking overthinking it, Stop stop having to be okay, stop having to look good, stop having you know, or stop wanting people to think highly of you all the time. Fuck it. Just do the process. Just do the process.

think if you turn up to the gym. Yes, I mean I know hundreds of people who won't go to the gym because they think they're too fat. And that's not my words, that's their words. It's like, oh, I can't I need to lose weight. I'm like, ah, do you understand what a gym's for? And by the way, you're not too fat, you're not too by the way, you're perfect, but also you know or you're perfectly ready to go. But also here's the thing you don't think about. And if anyone knows this thing, I'm about to say,

it's fucking me right. Nobody gives a fuck about you in the gym, Like, hey, have a look at them. They're either looking at their phone or looking at it themselves in the mirror. They don't give a fuck about you sitting on the exercise bike sweating your ass off, so fucking don't worry about it, you know. And if one of them did, Oh, here's an idea, who cares?

Like stop giving people your power, Like, stop handing over your own sovereignty, in your own self esteem and your own fucking self worth to that bloke up there that doesn't even notice you're in the gym. That's what we do. This is all shit that goes on. And oh no, it's I'm not comfortable in that place. Guess what. It's not about the place. It could it be about you. And of course sometimes if somebody has been bullied or whatever, I get that, But in general terms, oh, gym's don't.

A lady said to me recently, gyms don't work for me. Okay, what does that even mean? Oh, they don't work for me. I'm like, well I don't What does that mean? She goes, Oh, no, it's not my thing. I'm like, well, here's here's a thing. You're sitting there asking me how to get in shape.

Now I'm telling you how to get in shape. I'm also telling you they've invented these places called gyms, and for about fifteen bucks a week or two bucks a day, you can go to these gyms, these places twenty four seven and you can have a million dollars worth of equipment at your disposal for two bucks a day. And by the way, you don't need to enjoy it. You need to love it, like this whole rule. Oh, if

I'm not enjoying it, I'm not doing it. Well, fucking good luck with life, because there's a lot of shit you're not going to enjoy. Like hopefully, if there's two options and they produce the same outcome on the same outcome, well sure, let's choose the one that's more enjoyable. I'm with you. But the bottom line is the reality is,

initially anyway, there'll be things that you don't enjoy. And guess what, over time, when you build confidence, when you build fitness, when you build strength, when your body changes, when your mind changes, or whatever the er, whatever the environment. But over time you'll change and then the thing that you didn't in. Oh, so many people I know have gone from mom' not a gym person to they're a fucking gym junkie, and now they're annoying the shit out

of everybody talking about the gym. It wasn't about the gym at all. It was about their thinking, you know, I could never, I could never. Well, no, you can. You just don't want to or you're scared. All right, let's plow on the next one.

eight years. I've literally spoken about my shitting on this show. How to have a great shit, you know, how to optimize one's anatomy when one's sitting there with a squatty potty that I'm not sponsored by, by the way, but hey, feel free to reach out squatty potty and that my.

you know. And I don't think every show. And I know right now some people are going, oh my god, this is disgusting. I'm turning off. Sure sure, Brian turn off, Diane turn off. It's all good. I shouldn't say that, because then people I love Diane's and I love Brian, so apologies. But I mean that, you know, just being able to show up and being whatever you are, and whether or not that's you know, the best version of you or the ugly version. I don't mean physically ugly.

I mean where you're just not trying to present this image, you know so, And if you can turn up just being raw and real and then inverted commas ugly and people can accept you and love you and connect with you in that state, then you don't need to worry about dragging around this fucking persona with you everywhere everywhere. That's exhausting. Right next one, I'm ready.

have the capacity for greatness or success or breakthroughs. That's not that they don't have that. It's not that they don't have the talent or the potential to be able to succeed and create something spectacular. The problem is not so much that as it is, they're thinking about that their self talk. I'm shit, I couldn't do that. I've got no talent, I'm not creative. I couldn't go to

a gym, i couldn't run. There's all of these stories, there's all of these intertwined stories that are intertwined with beliefs that they become the prison. Your hurdle is not your talent. The obstacle is not your potential. The obstacle is your thinking, you know. And when our constant in a dialogue is, you know, somewhere between I don't think I could and I'm complete shit, I definitely could. We need to recognize that for what that is, and that is just a story. And of course, you know, we

are not our capacity is not limitless. Of course there's a limit to what we can do. But I haven't met too many people who I think if ten is our limit, our individual ten, I don't think I've met too many people who are up near ten. And that's well, that might sound like criticism, it's actually a compliment because I just think people have got way more ability than they think. Yes, you know, way more ability. A quick

story which I've shared five times. I had a lady called doesn't matter, but an older lady that was one of my first clients ever. And you've heard this story. She came to my first ever studio, which was little fifteen hundred square foot studio nine ninety above another a retail business, and she walked in with a cane basket because she'd been shopping. She was chubbs, she was gorgeous,

she was irish, she had the most beautiful voice. She's like, I just wanted to fucking hug her, which would have been weird, weird as soon as she walked up, she walked up the stairs, because I think it said on my door something like Craig Harper Fitness Consultant. This was before the Harpers brand. I was doing it. I was training people. I had a studio, but I due to some comp not complications, but some restrictions by the council, like you weren't allowed to open a gym, but you

could have a consultancy. I'm like, okay, so what if I fill it with gym equipment and I call a consultancy. They're like, yep, great, ID I'm like, fucking hell. I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. But you blokes are fucking idiots, right, so okay, so we'll

call it anyway. She came in and she saw me, and she saw the gym and she was like, fuck this, and she did a one ad and she was about to walk out, and you know, she I chatted to her and I somehow convinced her to come back and just do a little easy, peasy workout and she loved it. And you know, it took a little while before she loved me and loved it, but she loved it, and it you know, she got very comfortable, very quickly, and or you know, I'm going to say within a week.

And then we just started talking about you know, like she was very unfit, and she's like, but what how do I even I'm not you know, I'm like, cool, whatever you can do if you can walk up the stairs once, because there were stairs to the space, I go, so we'll walk up the stairs and then put your bum on a seat for a minute, we'll have a chat, and then you'll do another one, and you put your bum on a seat for another minute, and then you

do another one and then we go, Wow. Today she did three flights, well done and then we'll go and do some lightweights, and then we'll have a gentle stretch, and then I'm going to talk to you about your food a bit, and then I'm going to tell three dick jokes because I'm hilarious, and then I'm going to send you on your way. She's probably inappropriate for it. There's no extra cost, no extra cost, and she that

was her favorite bit because she was irish. But then you know when you go, all right, so now it's been three months and now you're doing twenty flights of those stairs that you could only do one. And that's progress. That's changed, that's transformation. And anyway, some months after that first workout, I honestly can't remember how many months, but I'm going to say it was somewhere between six and twelve, she did a five k run five k run with me.

She ran a five kilometer fun run which I registered her and myself in and her family, oh my god, her family like they did not because she didn't really let on what she was doing too much. It's kind of hard to explain back in the nineties also early nineties, what the fucking personal trainer is. Yeah, nobody really gets it. People used to go. So they give you money and you watch them exercise. I'm like, kinda kind of they

do the workout and I get the cash. It's a little bit more than that, but yeah, and what do you do? Do you not work out with them? I go, no, I'll watch them they go, So you fucking stand there and they do it and you get I'm like, what a great idea, huh.

looked at she lost like thirty k's. Her fitness went from literally fucking half yeah two for her potential to an eight. Yeah, amazing and amazing to see. Yeah, family came and watched and oh, well, some of her family. Her husband thought, I don't know what a husband thought about me. He's like, the fuck's this bloke and kids and she was crying and they were crying, and it's like just the best, the best, but it's for me. It's not even the fun run was great, the transformation

was great, but you know what's fucking great? And this is always the way when people go from such a low starting point to such an achievement. There's always part of them. Yet there's the physical stuff. You're leaning your better, you're faster, you're healthier, you've just increased your lifespan and your health span, fucking go you. But there's this other thing which is almost not thought of, which for me is the real power all of us. Suddenly they start

to understand their potential. Yeah life, you know, they start to which is what we're talking about, talent potential. They just start to go, oh ah, and a million years I did not even think I could do this. I wouldn't even have thought about it. And not only do I now know I can do it, I've actually done it. And then you think, just as I did when I was fourteen and lost thirty odd kilos. Then you think, oh, what else can I do that I thought I couldn't do?

Because this opens a different door in your brain where you start to get evidence that's at odds with your belief about what's your capacity. You're like, well, fuck, my story is I can't do this, and now I've got evidence to the contrary. It's not someone wishing me well or giving me a bit of a fucking group hug or a power on the back. I've actually done this thing and it's you know, so when people say how do you build confidence, it's like, just do hard shit. Yep.

You can have all the fan clubs in the world telling you you're a fucking legend, but it's not the same until you actually go and do what is legendary for you.

then we might have to have a meeting. You and I all right, let's keep going.

my own opportunity? So I guess the analogy is like, you know, nobody's going to come knock on your door to say, I know you think you're an author and we publish books, or you're a potential author, So we're just here just to you know, reach out and say, start writing that book because we're going to publish it. Like that's never happening. So how do you get to

that stage? Will you write a book? You just start writing and you you write it, you edit it, you refine it, You think about a name, You think about what's on the front cover and the back cover. You think about distribution, you think about who's your target audience. And you don't need a degree to do this, and you don't need anybody in your ear to do this.

You can just do this and the first draft we shit, in the second have to be less shit, and people will look at it and give your feedback and maybe if that's what you want, and then you can read and reread and you know, then eventually you know, I wrote my first book and self published because who the fuck's Craig Harper, And then that got self published. Then I got approached by a publisher. Now they only approached me with an opportunity or an offer because I did

it in the first place. Yes, so because I created my own opportunity by literally sitting down and doing the work and then producing something and pushing it out into the real world. And then they went, well, he's actually written a book and it's been published and been distributed and he sold copies and we quite like it, so

maybe we'll work with him. But I just think that you know, if an opportunity presents itself, if something comes along, ace ace, But it's like even when you I don't even know what they are, but you told me about a couple of potential sponsors before, right, Well, the reason that they come along is because we've created a platform

that people want to be a part of. Yes, But the opportunities only came because we fucking created this thing, and we stuck around for six hundred episodes going backwards financially, and then eventually, you know, something kicked in, which is really great. But if if I just sat there on episode five and went, well, I'm not doing any more episodes till I get a knock on the door with a sponsorship opportunity. It would have died eight years ago exactly.

You're pretty good at this. So we'll get the fuck out of the way, and Craig and Melissa and Tiff, what you'll do is you'll produce episodes, you'll get guests, you'll edit, and then you'll you'll load it. You'll do all that and we'll be over here trying to find you sponsors, and you know, brands that want to align with you and work with you will do that. You produce the shows, and we're like, well, fucking great because you're good at that and we're good at this. So

you do your thing, we'll do our thing. Take this percentage, we'll take that percentage. Everybody happy, Yep, good, let's go home perfect. You know, but that's that, But you know that is it was literally an opportunity that went both ways.

to people, and you can't be special to people. But I think this kind of I'm special mindset actually fucks up people.

special shit. Now you're helping people, serving people, or building a business, or building wealth or creating an awesome, awesome health state, you know. And I just think that while it's good to have good self esteem, you know, thinking that you are uniquely, fabulously special in an ocean of eight billion humans, I don't actually think it's good for our drive, for our motivation, for our long term outcomes. Now that's not I'm not special, that's not self loathing.

By the way, You're not bad, You're you're but but you know, you're just like me, just another just another human doing life. And that's okay. And if I'm just another human doing life, life sounds hurtful. Well it's literally true. Now that doesn't mean that you can't have a beautiful

life with beautiful people and do amazing shit. But if we zoom out from the micro of your existence and your day and your life and your body and your situation, if we zoom out to humanity, we zoom out to three hundred thousand years of evolution, we zoom out to eight billion humans on the planet. Well fucking I'm a nobody. And by the way, when I die, I'll be forgotten about in seven minutes. And that's cool because that's how it works. You know, we come, we live for a while.

And I know this sounds what does it sound fatalistic? I don't mean that because I think also maybe when we leave this mortal coil, that's not the end. But that's another podcast. But I just think that having this a sense of entitlement that some people have and this I'm special. I don't create success. I deserve success. No,

you don't. You go create it. And if you do the work, and if you try hard enough for long enough, and you're brave enough, and you invest enough energy and you do the right things, then you will create your own version of success. And well done you. That's awesome. But I just think for me, and I probably clumsily articulated this, so I apologize as if it is clumsy and it seems insensitive. But I would just want to sometimes say to some people that I'm talking to, Hey, bro,

I like you, but you're not special. You're just a dude. You're just a dude doing life. I'm a dude, I'm not special. You're not special. Where the fuck do we all get this idea that where you know? And then if we tell people they're not, well, you're a prick. Oh you're harsh, You're not you know, it's like, oh,

you're hurting people's mental health. Am I really? How about telling people all the time they're special and then when they get out of the house with no resilience and no mental toughness and no skills to deal with life, and life punches them in the face a thousand fucking times because life doesn't care how special or unspecial they are. Yea,

this is my motive. I want you to be strong and powerful and resilient and capable so you can go and build your best fucking life, not because you're innately special, but because you use what you've got. Steps down, off soapbox. Let's do all right, I'll tell you what we'll do, Melissa, I was gonna do one more, but fuck it, it's along this podcast. Ever, why don't you just I know we've got a bunch ever a bunch left, but what aren't you? And some of these are familiar themes on this show,

but that's the point. Why don't you pick four more that that resonate for you and Will? I don't know what that's going to take us up to, probably close to three hours or something ridiculous, but anyway, what do you want to go with the next one?

about before. Everybody, it's like your life's the river. It's got its own energy, and when you're in the river, you can't have a level of objectivity and perspective that you can have when you're out of the river. And this is analogous to being the player in the game, when you are always the player and you are always in the middle of the game, sometimes you need to be able to step away from the game, which is

what why we have halftime. We have half time in the game and quarter time and three quarter time, so we can see what's happening, we can stop, we can take stock of what's working and what's not. And so, yeah, I just won't replay that whole thing, Melissa, But that's ye. You want to know that. But yeah, that's a very similar metaphor to the last one.

So that whole thing that you have in your head about how objective you are and self aware you are, Yeah, probably not as much as you think, and that's not bad. That's human and so and this is really hard. By the way, this is this is a hard thing. And people like people always nod their head when I share this, share about this in a seminar, they're like, oh, yeah, that's good, you know, because oh yeah, I love feedback. And as I've said many times, yeah, we love feedback

until it's feedback we don't love. And so yeah, it's like, yeah, give me all the feedback, but only the good feedback make it great. And by the way, if it's not good feedback, fuck you, you're not my friend. It's like, well, that's what do you want? Well, I want praise. Oh okay, so you don't want feedback. I want praise. Cool, Well, let me know. I just want to back rub and a fucking you know some streamers and shit like it's like, dude, you're fucking things up. I love you. I don't want

you to fuck up. I don't have all the answers, but I have a level of objectivity about you because I'm external. I'm from the outside looking in, and so with that in mind, I want to share with you what I am seeing. I'm sharing with you what I am seeing because I want to help you and I want to give you insight to the thing that you can't see. And so an unreasonable friend is somebody that will tell you what you need to hear or what they believe you need to hear, despite the fact that

you might not always love hearing it. And I guess a twice replayed example of this in the last week is when and I said this to you last week listener. So, but it's just a good example as when and she wasn't a friend, but she was a listener who wrote wrote in and said to me basically early days of the year project, you know I love the show, love you da da da da. Can you stop talking over the top of people? It's very annoying. And when I went back and I listened, I went, guess what I

took over the top of people. It's very fucking annoying. And do I ever still do that? Yes? Do I do it less? Yes? But it's like, well, you know, here's the thing. It's very easy to react because we like to think we're all about logic and reason and rationale and the prefrontal cortex. We're intellects. No, we're not.

We're fucking emotional Neanderthals We're just fucking emotional Neanderthals who want to tell you to get fucked when we hear something that makes us uncomfortable, right, that whole kind of oh yeah, I'm bigger than this. No, No, we're not. We're often not. And that's the thing is you think you want feedback, and I'm saying, actually, be open real feedback, and if it's coming from a hater who's just shitcanning you, well that ain't this, that's not what we're talking about.

But you don't need constant endorsement. You don't need constant validation. You don't need a cheer squad, you don't need a trophy every time you had a fucking salad. You're not six years old, like you need somebody to give you input that you can't give yourself.

much closer to that. When I say to you, okay, honestly, and sometimes I'll write a post for I'll write a an Instagram post or whatever, and I'll share it with you, and you know, I'll say, don't tell me if it's good, if it's shit, And sometimes you'll say, yeah, it's not my favorite, which if Melissa is like, that's fucking awful, do not use that ever, right, But I know how to speak fluent Melissa, and I think times though it.

I mean there are people that I mean, this is this, Maybe I should have made this appoint but you know, one of the most fascinating things I've learned about humans and in inverted Comma's friends And there's no self pity in this at all. I love my life and I've got great friends. But is the amount of people who were really bothered by my success that were close friends.

I'm like, ah, oh and I've had other friends, close friends of mine who are fucking killing it and crushing it and honestly like so much further progressed and down the track and successful and all the bits or you know, the wealth for this, the brand, and honestly, my one I'm happy for them, genuinely happy for them, and I'm I'm kind of proud of them. I'm kind of proud. I'm like, fuck, I knew you when you were not this,

and look at you. I mean, I would be the biggest asshole in the world if I'm talking about all of this. And then when someone that I allegedly love actually did it right, and then I was bothered, Well, you're just a fucking You're an actor playing a role, pretending to be about helping people, you know, But it's it is. It is tricky because the people that love you, they probably overthink and undersay sometimes. But also some of the people that love you can be a pain in

the ass. I'm sure there are listeners right now going you haven't heard my mother fuck and now. But you know, I think you've got to like, there's no three point checklist. But I think you intuitively know. I think you intuitively know like, there are people I won't say who, but there are people that I think about right now that for me, I'm pretty sure I would get a relatively unemotional objective as they see it, kind of feedback on

things if I if I ask them. But also I think it is equally important for that person to be able to say, hey, I think you go I'm fucking great. Actually I didn't even think that would work, but it's working. Go you. Yes, you know they're not just there to go I don't do that. I don't think that'll work. I don't think nah, they're also there to go, hey you, but it's got to be real. I really think you're crushing it. Yeah, I'm not saying this to make you

feel good. I'm aware that it will hopefully, but it's not the reason. Like, this is not a strategy. This

is actually what I think. And when you can tell people like, do you know what's funny is I reckon twenty times this year someone that I know, different people that I know that are doing well, and I've just looked at them and I've gone, shut the fuck up for a minute, look at me, look at me, and I go, I'm really proud of you, and I say, I am not saying that to make you feel good, and more men than women, yep, just because it happened to be. Yes, I'm proud of you. I'm so fucking

proud of you. I couldn't be happier for you. And I just fucking I love watching you grow. And half of them cry love because they know I mean it, and they know there are not many other people that feel like that about their success. Yes, you know you feel like you've got to downplay your success sometimes.

do this, you don't even work in this space. But fuck, it bothered people when the thing that a lot of them said wouldn't work or couldn't work, or there's no mark or there's no scope, or the population is not big enough for it's not a thing, it'll come and go there. It's not even an industry, it's not a profession. And I'm like, yep, I get all of that, but I tell you what, I'll just see what happens. And then when it worked, Fuck, nobody came out of the

woodwork and said I was wrong. Well done. That's fucking amazing, like nearly nobody, you know, And there's no self pity. That's literally just my story. So I think if you can have people that actually want you to succeed, and I think even for you, I mean you the listener, like I know, for me, hand on heart, when I truly want the best for people, fuck, it makes me a better human. I'm happier, I'm nicer to be around, I'm less of a cunt. I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it out loud. It's like but and I know I oversay this, and I know it's cliche, and I know it's probably going to have little to no impact. But when you really despite all the logic and all the rationale and all the strategy and all the fucking nuance and all the clever words, but when you truly come from a place of love with people. You're like, this is you know, I can't give you everything you need, but I can love you in this way. I can serve you, I can help you in this way.

And no, this isn't necessarily romantic love or a cuddle or but this is love because this is me wanting to help you without wanting anything back from you. You know. I think that's that's transformational for both parties. Have you got one more you want to do?

And by the way, I don't think that's terrible. I think we all do that to an extent, but including me, including me, do I ever try to create a good impression,

of course, of course. But what I think really matters if we really want to understand people is to pay attention to what they do and how they live, and you know, how they treat people when they don't think they're being watched, and you know, all that kind of ah, and not in a for me like people that I might be going to do some work with, or people that I might be going to spend time with, or I'm not obsessed with that, but I'm just interested in I tell you a few I'll tell you this is

a really classic. So there are people that I've quite liked or I've thought pretty highly of them, and I didn't know them well, but you know, and then I met them for a coffee and then they treated the weight staff like shit. Yep, I'm like, that's it. I'm like, you're out. I can't do it. Like they just treated them like they were not on the same level as

us to exemplary humans. And I thought, all right, I'll give you one, and then if it happens again, And then when it happens again where they're either rude or arrogant or dismissive to the human that's coming to the table to serve them, I'm like, fuck you, bro, you're out. I don't care what the deal is. I don't care what the offer is. I don't want to work with you. And what's funny is the whole kind of monologue that they're going on with for an hour, the whole sales pitch,

the whole kind of trying to create an impression. It's all redundant because of something they had no awareness of. Yes, so all the words just fucking slide down the drain to me and I can't. I'm just trying to from that moment when they treat people like shit, I'm like, this is you, Yeah, this is you.

we treat people. It's like, am I nicer to people for whom it's valuable for me to be nicer too? Yes, that's a fucking good question. Yeah, because I don't want to be that.

what the fuck is wrong with you? But keep thinking that I'm very needy And for the rest of you, I don't know why you're still here, but also very grateful and very appreciative. Probably stick around for Tiff and maybe Melissa now, but yeah, thank you for helping us over the journey. And I would really encourage you to jump on our Facebook page and tell us that you want Melissa to be a regular and by that look. Okay,

can we just negotiate. I know you don't want to bit fuck it while I've got you held ransom here while we're recording. How about one a month? Okay, one a month, and by one I mean one a week. Let's buy one I mean three. All right, we'll talk about it. Thanks Melissa, everybody, Thanks everyone,