Okay, it team, it's it's Robert, It's Robert Cappuci. Well I'm not Robert, but Robert's here.
I'm Craig.
Robert commonly and lovingly referred to here at typ Central as what is fucking Trential Central as young Bobby?
Hi made? How are you?
I'm doing all right? You sound fantastic like that my favor really performing? Well, you sound better than the normal Hereah.
Wow, thanks dude.
Well, I've got it in the right place. Melissa and Tiff both get mad at me for many things. Many one of them is the ill placement of my microphone, or, perhaps more accurately, the proximity of my face to the aforementioned microphone. So I've tried to, after two thousand episodes, take on board their feedback and be a little bit more responsible. So here I am talking into the actual microphone like a grown up.
Well well done, because this is evidence about why they're giving you a shit about it in the first place. You sound the same, but you're so amplified.
Wow wow, look at me, amplified and clear. If only I could be that all the time. Yeah, how you been?
What are you up to? What is news?
It's been a good week. It's been a really good week, just getting ready for events. We have an edge of event next week, which I didn't realize. It's snuck up on us so quickly. August that's flown by. How's it been for you? Is? It's just like it seems like a just guard here a day ago and now.
It's everything is flying for me because I'm under the pump with a few things. Everyone's under the pump, but I'm for me. I'm particularly under the pump these few months.
But that is all good. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's like I've got all.
These things that I can that I need to do, Like I need to do the podcast, I need to do my speaking gigs.
I'm just talking work now everyone. I need to.
Finish my PhD. I need to write this paper. I need to you know, I need to review that to you know, submit this, submit that, all of that. And then there's the mum and dad.
Stuff, who of course take priority over all the other stuff. But I've got to look after them and love them.
And then I've got to try and get to the gym so I don't turn into a badass. And then then I've got to kind of get out of this chair and walk a bit, and then I probably should have some balance, So I should probably watch an episode of and then you go, oh, fucking now, it's tomorrow. Like it is trying to put all that together.
And remain.
The calm in the chaos while you're doing all that, and be productive and figuring out what is the right kind of balance for me of all of that, what is do I know when I should just stop doing whatever it is I'm doing for a while and walk away and just do something silly or fun or unrelated.
So that's like.
I've never been busier than I am at the moment in my life. And that's saying a lot, because you know how busy my life was back in the days when we met. But just in terms of my personal workload at the moment.
There's a lot. But I enjoy it and no one's making me do it.
It seems like it's compounding increasingly. I mean, even even six year olds have a full schedule, don't they. They've got every minute of the day planned, Like unbound spontaneous play, which is essential for development of our brain, creativity, socialization, that's gone. I mean, everything they're booked in fifteen minute increments, like all of us are just insanely busy. And I wonder because a lot of it feels like it needs
to be done. But what I wonder is does it necessarily make us more effective?
Yeah?
Does it make us happier? Does it make us more fulfilled? Does it make us less anxious? I don't think so. I mean, and you know, of course there's no in inverted commas set formula or you know, one approach fits all protocol. But yeah, it's it's amazing how much stuff we do that doesn't really work, but we keep doing it because we've always done it, Like we do what we used to do, because that's what we do, and that's how we do.
It, you know.
And do you remember that story about the grandmother who used to cut the ends off the turkey or the roast or whatever it was, and then, you know, and the initial reason that she cut the ends off was because her oven was small and the gigantic roast or whatever it was wouldn't fit in the oven. And then three generations later, her great great great granddaughters are still you know, chopping the ends off despite their huge oven, not knowing why. But that's the way it's always been done.
And I feel like there's a bit of groundhog Day in all of us.
A little bit of.
You know, that whole idea of intentional and conscious living. It's really a daily practice. It's really a like I asked myself, which I've shared this ten times on this show, but every morning when I go to the cafe, the question, the everyday question I ask is in terms of what I want to do be create today, what do I need to focus on? What should have my attention today?
And ergo what shouldn't have my attention today? Because it's so easy to give your attention and focus and mental energy to things that really shouldn't have it.
I mean a lot of times I think why these things happen and why we double down in times of uncertainty, which I think globally right now it's a time of uncertainty, just the rate of advancement in technology. That ridiculous question we used to ask people about their five year plan, like where do you see yourself in five years? Don't even know where I'm going to see myself in five weeks.
The world might be dramatically different than it is today, And we have these practices and rituals that shape part of our identity and it's just the way things have always been. It gives us stability and a level of certainty. Things get like really chaotic. You know, what do we do? We double down on what worked before, even if it no longer works, it's still familiar. Yes, our creativity kind of gets constricted, it collapses under the weed of anxiety.
You know, how do you navigate through understanding clearly what matters most versus what matters the least on a D to day basis? What is that like for you?
Yeah, that's a good question.
I mean, my my ideal answer is.
An I'll unpack both.
Is that I try to live a life that is so operationally, practically, personally, professionally in relationships that is a reflection of my values. So, you know, do you know what I can say this? I'm going to say this, I am I going to say it. Yeah, so not yesterday, the day before. I got a really good opportunity through this show, through our God bless them, our kind of the Home of the You project is of course no
Over Entertainment. Who's a big organization astray wide, and they're great to ask and I'm forever thankful, and they Melissa sent me, as she does many times, she sent me a text to say I've sent you an email. I have a look, and it was basically, i'll tell you off air. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. I won't say what it was on air, but it was a sponsorship opportunity which was quite good, so quite
good money. And when I saw what I needed to sell or we needed to sell on this show, I straightway said no. And it's not you know, it's not that it's horrendous. It's just not something I could sell, and so or I would, I would not use it.
I would not advise.
Anyone use it, and you know, so for that reason, I just have to go. Yes, I would like the money, but it's out of alignment with my beliefs and values and ethics. So although it's a hard decision, it's a very clear decision, you know.
So you passed on the Viagra opportunity.
No, No, If Viagra want to sponsor me, send that shit over here, because I haven't had an erection since the nineties, so fucking jump on board. But you know, yeah, I think all silliness aside for me like, of course I fuck around a lot and I joke, but I also take very really seriously the fact that in the middle of my silliness and my jokes and my bullshit, people actually trust.
Me and lean in.
And if all of a sudden, I'm, for example, doing something saying something or selling something which seems really out of alignment with or is out of alignment with who people think I am, one, I don't want to do that because you know, but two, you know, you're telling people that you're full of shit, and you're telling people that you have a price, And for me, I would rather be broke than that, you know, So, without trying to sound too bloddy, weird and deep, Yeah, for me.
It's it's knowing.
It's thinking every day about because I think for a long time I lived not unintentionally because I did have a focus, but I did do a lot of stuff
which was basically driven by subconscious thinking, subconscious programming. And you know that old metaphor of when you're in the river, you know, you're just going with the river, like you're you're not directing anything, but it you know, your life like a river has its own flow, it has its own energy, It has its own momentum, and you know, you getting up or me getting up every day and just stepping back into the river. We just carry on
where we left off yesterday. And I think the challenges to swim or paddle to the side of the metaphoric river, get out, hop up on the bank or maybe some metaphoric vantage point, and just go. Am I in the right river? Am I going the right.
Direction in the river? You know?
Is this the river I need to be in? Or maybe do I need to get the fuck out of the river for a while. And I think that so many people literally wake up one day and think, how the fuck did I get here?
And well, you got there because of.
The things you did and didn't do, and the choices you made and didn't make, and you know, and some of it was in your control, some of it was
out of your control. But you know, very much I'm about I understand that things happened to you or around you that weren't great, and you have it's like you went through a shit childhood that you didn't choose, Like you had a lot of things that were out of your control, that were unfair, that were brutal, that were painful, right and what I love about you is in the
middle of all of that, you you didn't capitulate. And we're not pretending that that life wasn't bad or that things weren't hard or horrible.
They were. But you know, and now here you are, all these years later.
And you're doing great, and you're helping people, and you're a healthy member and a functional member of society, and you've got a gorgeous side.
Yeah, you do it.
You know.
I just think that's that.
So.
Yeah, I think trying to trying.
To be fully accountable and responsible for your own life to the extent that you can, because of course there will always be things beyond your control.
Yeah. I think it comes from clarity as well. I love I love your analogy of the river like being taken where the rivers just flow in the direction of flow of the river for usus getting out of the river and being able to observe facts. Yeah, I think how I would frame that is, you know, looking through
your filter. We've always cut the EDGs off the meat loaf because you know, that's just the way it was done thing, versus looking at your filter, like why do I engage and function in life the way I do, and is this really where I want? And what I got from that is values. Understanding what you value makes your life so much simpler, Like for you with the
sponsorship opportunity, it's a matter of integrity and ethics. But for other people it might be Okay, how do I discern what's truly an opportunity which truly fulfills me and something that comes along that sounds great, but it's really going to turn me into an octopus on rollablates a lot of motion, but not a lot of direction because it's not aligned with what it is that I truly believe I am identity and what it is that I
truly want and gives me meaning my values. So I think it's it's a really good place to start, is there? And it's like when you know Michael Gerber you had him on your show not too long ago where he talks about working in your business versus working on it. It's like, what is that compass that allows you to do stuff like that?
I think also, as you were talking about that, I was thinking, however, if I was presented with the same opportunities.
And I was.
A dad, or a single dad perhaps, and I had four kids and I didn't live the life of privilege, relative privilege that I now do that value that might change things. You know, I might go, fuck it. I don't really love this product, but my kids need to eat, so you know, I think you know that it's a little bit context dependent.
You know everything. Lifers can't text the pandemic, ye like.
Well, given the right, you know, it's like, I don't like violence at all, but at all, and I hope I never have to be in an altercation or anything ever, But there have been times in my life where somebody's been trying to hurt someone.
That I care about or me, and you go, well, if I'm not.
At the very least being physical, you know, or doing something to defend me or someone else, there's going to be a problem.
So I don't ever want to be in the middle of it. I don't ever want to start it.
But it's not okay to punch me in the face, you know, There's it depends on what is going on. So I think that, but in general terms, as much as possible, I think, you know, default to default to what.
Is it that that matters to you most? What are the things that you know?
I started writing this piece yes, they made. It was going to be a post on Instagram and it was about I was just writing about the the dichotomy between like trying to be like really trying to be this person that comes from a place of love and kindness and service. And I know this all sounds very cliche and you know, like spiritual psychobabble, and we get so much of this in twenty twenty five, and I think so much of it's kind of bullshit, and people kind
of virtue signaling and whatever. But there, of course there are other people who are the real deal and genuine. But for me, like I actually want to be that, and I'm often not that I try to be that. I try to be of value and service and kindness and love and to empower other people without a gender, Like I think that's the key without agenda.
So it's not strategic.
But one of the other like kind of spanners in the works here is that while you want to be this kind, empathetic, aware human, there are also people that coexist with us that do fucking horrible things, like people that are just not nice people like people who actually do bad, horrible shit that I won't expand on this, but do bad, horrible shit, fully knowing what they're doing, fully intending to hurt someone else, or at the very least fully intending to look after themselves, not giving a
fuck about the consequences for anyone. And then you know, so for me in the middle of it, don't know how we got here, but anyway, then the challenge is how do I still be this kind, compassionate person but not a walkover, but not an emotional doormat, but not not you know, how do I deal.
With this person? You know, I think it.
Was you'll remember maybe it was Edmund Burke or someone who said all that's necessary for evil to triumph is for it said good men. But we can say good people is for good people to do nothing.
Right.
I don't want to be the person who does nothing. But then it's knowing how much do I do? What do I do? What is appropriate? What is inappropriate? And I've told the story before about I went out with my mom and dad about ten years ago, and even then, my mum was seventy five, so she was elderly, and a guy in the city who was I would dare say, you know, drug effected, But he stepped out in front of my mum and grabbed my mum on the arm
because he wanted money. And it's it's like, all of a sudden, mister love and light and unicorns and Jesus, all of a sudden, I'm like a fucking you know, a psychopath getting this guy off my mum. I'm like, you don't, you don't do that, Like that's not okay. And that took like one second for me to elevate one second, and I didn't do anything horrendous to him, but he probably wouldn't have done that again in a hurry,
not that night anyway. But you know, just that trying to manage that, that drive to be a kind, compassionate human doing good but also not at the cost of letting or enabling people to do horrible shit. Like for me to find that balance is hard.
I mean, but for me looking at it from the outside, d you were living in complete alignment with that, because I think there's there's a misconception that kindness and compassion has to be soft. You were acting out of kindness and out of compassion for your mom, which is which is expected, and you like, look, you talked about context of everything. If I said, oh my god, Greg I'm coming, you know, coming to Melbourne next week and let's just
let's just get together, let's just go have dinner. And you're like, oh, yeah, that's fantastic, Bobby, And I'm like, look, I you know, I have a friend of mine right and his name is John. He's going to be out in Melbourne as well. I would love for you to meet him. Tell me a little bit about him. I'd love to meet him. Oh, he's a really fun guy to be around. He's really charismatic, he's super kind, compassionate. Like,
you know, he's he's killed over twenty people. You're just gonna you might go, whoa, whoa, wait what hold on? Hold on, wait a second, Like what do you mean? He's like, I don't know if I want to, Like, but if I said, yeah, oh, he killed over twenty people. You know, he was in a war zone and he saved a bunch of women and children from enemy combatants.
Well does that matter? Now? Does that context matter? So is it like, oh, well, this, how's this guy kind of capassion He's killed twenty people, like he seems like a complete psychopath. Where wait, okay, he saved the lives of Well that's not Sometimes it's courageous to be kind. Sometimes it is courageous, and it is a sign of strength to be compassionate. So like living your values doesn't have to it doesn't have to be a compromise. It's what's the context of how those values need to show
up in order to serve you through integrity. And when I say integrity, I mean consistency.
Like do what a great example?
Do?
That's a great example, dude? I like that.
I may even use that, and then I'll just I'll cite you, of course, and I'll put you in the references at the bottom. I'll see if I can squeeze that into my thesis somehow, just so you.
Get a mention in the paper.
Thank you appreciate that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were going to chat today a little bit about confidence and how that works.
And as always we meand it around for twenty minutes. But I loved it.
One of the questions I often get answered, or I often get asked I should say, is.
How do I how do.
I build my confidence around public speaking? Because I'm scared? How do I be less scared? How do I be better? How do I be And of course the answer is by public speaking right, You can't get good at the thing that you won't do.
You can't master what you avoid.
What what have you had to do or what has worked for you over the years in terms of enabling you to feel comfortable, more comfortable, less anxious, more confidence, and ultimately, you know, being more skillful and more effective at what you do.
And whether or not that was as a speaker or a coach or.
Something else, like what what do you do? How have you done it?
It's been a few things right now, at the top of my head, it's three. I mean, if you ask me how minutes from now, they'll probably be a fourth. But right now the three things were I had one big thing that was so enormous it kind of superseded every other emotion that was a distraction. It's not like I didn't contend with self doubt, anxiety. It's not like, Okay, before I got up to speak, well, I was super confident,
never afraid, No, just the opposite. So I don't know if I ever shared this with you, But when I first started going out on the road, like consistently where I was speaking probably at least once a week my crew at NASM, there was this running joke. Especially in large rooms like the giant ballrooms, It's like, okay, when we announced Bobby, He's going to come in from the
back of the room. Now, people used to think that I was doing that for effect, because it was dramatic effect rather than standing on the stage, because I made a show of it. I would come in and start talking my intro from the back and people are looking around like where is he and then yeah, I don't and then they would realize this guy's coming up the aisle full energy, and then I'm on stage. That was my signature. But everybody knew, and they would just take
the piss out of me mercilessly for this. They knew that the reason for that is when they started introducing me, I would get so terrified. I'd have to go find the loo because I needed it a week desperately, no matter what, because I felt so scared. But I knew that it was so important, this one thing that I wanted to be, this sense of identity, that I would get myself in the zone regardless. I think number two for me was focusing on becoming very competent, as competent
as I could possibly be. I would wake up super early in the morning and just read and like, how can I apply this information? What's one action I could take in my workflow and my daily life teaching where I can utilize this information. I'd do the same thing. On the way home from Mark, I'd stop off in another coffee shop, have a tea. It's in the evening, and I would sit there and this is how I would restructure my environment. So I was getting at least
three hours a day of reading technical material. And then in my car, I was always listening to something. I was never driving. And I'm not saying that's the right way to be either. Now I probably have arguments against that, but I would listen to some form of professional development, business book summaries, and just the more competent you are, confidence and competence cohabit together. They feed one another. And
then the third thing is where your focus is. I've always found that when I'm trying to do something for myself, right I'm going to go out and I'm going to start building a side business consulting or coaching, I never do as well as when I'm focused on what is it that I want to provide for other people? How do I be and service of them because all that doubt and anxiety is this going to work? And the history of the times I started businesses and I failed miserably.
I mean, those are entertaining, but they're there right. Everybody has that in their background. There's not a lot of mental energy for me to focus inward when I'm completely focused outward on a mission that involves other people. So for me, it's it was identity. It was the relentless pursuit of competence, which came from a passion around the subject matter that I was teaching, and it was an
outwardly focused mission. I would reframe that as originating intention because originating intention, by its nature, is focused outward on the person in front of you, within your circle of influence. It starts with you. It's not like we and us and our mission. It's about what I want for you. And the thing about that is I had some train me years ago that you are at the extremes either
your originating intention or you're your shadow. And the more you are consciously focusing on showing up and being the embodiment of what it is that's sacred for you that you want for others, the further away you are from being your shadow, and the more you move off of that, the more you feed the opportunity for your shadow to emerge. So that those three things have really helped me with confidence. I'll tell you what today, Like, I had a great
experience with my cohort. So I'm in a Mastermind coaching program where they're where we have master coaches taking us as coaches and it's it's a nine month education and development plan and someone who who I have a lot
of respects for. So one of our master instructors a couple of months ago, because we consistently are doing you know, we're being evaluated, we have to show up and take each other through these coaching sessions, and in a very lovely and constructive way, said something to the effect of, Wow, you're really showing up and it's like you're dedicated to your process. So I got something in my and what he meant by that, I think was I was showing up. Okay,
here's the model I'm going to use. Here's my questions I'm going to ask, And it's like, where are you in relation to the client? Like you're fifteen minutes in the future, you already know where you're guiding this conversations that that might be selling, that might be consulting, that is by far not coaching. And it's because I was going through a crisis of confidence because of a lot of things that were going on in my not so
with personal life, but work life. And it was a series of things that compounded one on top of another. And then what I started doing is, you know, because a lot of things that altered behaviors is the environment we put ourselves in and said, I'm not going to give myself a chance to do that. Where if I know that this is this is a mentorship session, we're going to be evaluated, I'm not even looking at the sheet. So when I show up, I don't know if I'm
going to have to be the client that day. I don't know if I'm going to be evaluated as a coach that day. And I don't and I don't even know where in that order of like the five pairs that are going I am. So when they say, hey, well you know, Bobby, you're a coach, You're going forth, I'm like surprised. So it gives me no ability to be in my head and to over prepare. And the only thing I have to do show up, listen and figure out how do I serve this person in front
of me. In the past couple of times i've done that, my ev ows skyrocketed. Yeah, the feedback I got was so much better when I actually decided to show up rather than to have my anxiety lead in front of me.
Yeah, it's I did a thing yesterday. I don't know if we mentioned already anyway, the Alzheimer's is kicking him.
But I did a gig. And the lady who m seed the.
Day, who was great. But her and I are different, not good or bad, different, not better or worse, just different. Her very well presented, very polished, very articulate, very structured, very you know everything, like the person you want.
Running the day. You don't want me running the day.
Because it would be a dogs breakfast?
Do you want her running the day?
And she gets up and just like every tea crossed, every I dotted, every everything, and the ultimate professional.
And I'm the first speaker.
So I'm out of the gate nine am keynote opening for the conference, right, and she's does her thing, talks about a few bits space.
She's up there for about ten minutes.
Right, and obviously put a lot of work and effort and did a great job. And then I get up there and I realized, when I'm up there, there's a lecturn. I don't want to stand for an hour at a lecturn. So I just walked to the middle of stage and I go, can you all hear me if I'm not standing over there, because I don't want to stand over there like I have the you know, like I'm free range, I'm organic.
I cannot stand at e lecturn for an hour.
And then they're like yeah, and then the audio visual guy goes, hey, I'll put on a thing.
So then he walks on stage.
Now already it's a shambles, but a fun shambles, right, And then I've got this guy on stage in front of two hundred and fifty people who's all up in my face, right, just running a wire down my shirt as you've had done a million times, and then he clips the package into your your pants, and then he's clipping the actual mic on the top, and it's like you're it's very intimate, like you're literally inches away from each other.
And then so I start fucking around.
About that, and I start, it's worth one hundred percent. I said, this is the most attention I've had in fucking months.
This is great.
You'll find a slater spooning in the foyer right, and everyone's and then so and then this started. And then I turned around because I don't use any tech and I don't have notes, and then I look at the whiteboard, which looks like it was from my nine and seventy two, you know.
Grade two classroom.
I'm like, well, I hope this lasts the hour, and everyone laughs because it looks one hundred years old in the in this beautiful corporate environment, by the way. And then I went to write something and then were no whiteboard markers. So then the old av guy comes up again and we recommence our relationship mid stage, with him offering me a range, like a drug dealer, a range
of different whiteboard markers. And it ended up just being this hour of interaction and fun and Lucy Goosey, and halfway through one of the I don't know, managing directors or someone was worried there was a bit of metal on stage that he thought I was going to trip on because I'd hit it a few times with my shoe. Then he wanted to address that I'm like up the arc hel safety guys here. So then he came up, and then the guy the whole conference organizer who's lovely
but a little bit like, doesn't love the spotlight. Right, I was talking about we're talking about love languages, and we were talking about communication and hugging.
We're talking about.
That book book by Gary chap and the five Love Languages, and you know, I was talking about how my mum's love language is definitely not hugging. And so I get the guy who doesn't love the spotlight up on stage and I demonstrate with him how my mum hugs right. He didn't want to be up there, it was, but he kind of, you know, he was a good sport. He went along and everyone's laughing and then we bullshit around and then an hour later, give or take, we're done.
No notes, know anything got out, lots of good information, told stories, built rapport, asked questions, people got involved, a line of people. When I'd finished coming up to talk, blah blah blah. And then the lady who hosted it, who was also great, like I said, she said to me, I do not have a clue how you do that? She goes, I was trying to look at where your notes were, like she was looking on the floor or whatever, like what is he like? What where are his notes?
Where is his sheet? What is he working off?
You know?
And it's it's just that for me that works, but for somebody else that would be the worst possible way to go. But when I'm when I have a rigid structure, when I've got like ten slides and I've got to go from slide one slide.
Ten, oh, I'm a nightmare.
I can't because I start talking about slide seven before I've even touched on it, and then and then I forget I've got a fucking PowerPoint and then.
I've got to find my clicker and ah, I don't know, and like I'm back.
At least it's a lot of fun for the audience. They can follow along.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean, but I just think that, like what you said, when you increase knowledge, So my three things are knowledge, the more knowledge you have about whatever it is you do, obviously right, and then experience. However you can get the experience now whether or not it's speaking in front of groups or something else. And the other one is just immersion. And you know, like for the last six years. I had to say six years.
But for me, my PhD is just been full immersion into this idea of you know, metacognition, theory of mind and meta perception and metaaccuracy. And because I've just been down this rabbit hole for six years. It's just this language. It's just this language that I now speak that I couldn't speak. It's just this knowledge that's hardwired. It's all this And so when I get up on stage, not because I'm smarter or better, but I just know that there's absolutely nobody in the room who knows two percent
of what I know about this topic. So obviously that brings confidence, you know.
So I think.
Knowing what knowing your knowing your topic or whatever it is, or understanding the role that you need to play and how to do that like that, that's probably the key to confidence.
In a way.
I think that's what. And I'm not suggesting and I know you're not suggesting that you don't need to develop skills to be good on stage.
You absolutely do.
And there are frameworks and you know, we could talk about some of that. It's not like I know, for me, it's not like I walk up and I have no idea what I'm going to say, and then I'm so smart. Yeah, it all just appears in my brain. No, it doesn't work like that. Yeah, my brain has quite a few challenges. There's no owner's manual, let's put it that way. But I have always created frameworks that help guide you through.
But one of the things that I was alluding to early with confidence is when you're like, oh my god, I can never do It's about the presentation. It's about you. It's about how you're going to be perceived. It's about how you're going to perform, rather than the other person. Like you're listening to this right now, imagine that someone who you really love you get a call from them and it's like their partner like stole old their jewelry and hawked it and I don't know, burnt half the
house down whilst they were having an affair. And it's like, oh god, I really want to go and talk to them. But the things that I'm going to say, I remember the last time, like when we were younger, I said, hey, that guy, that girl's no good for you. Really, yeah, you know, it almost ended the friendship. And I'm so anxious and you're gonna go there and you're gonna stutter through all that, and you're in the car and you're going to meet that person at a coffee shop because
your friend really needs you. And you show up the coffee shop and you are feeling like you're gonna throw up. You don't know what you're gonna say, if you're going to say anything at all, And then you look at him or you look at her. They've got tears in their eyes, running down their face, and you're overwhelmed with this incredible love and care for the person across from you, and you can't see or feel anything other than what's being generated by that relationship that person, what it means
to you, what's the difference in that conversation. It might not be comfortable, it might not be smooth, but you're going to say the right thing to the right person at the right time, in the right way in that context.
Because what is driving the ability that you have to masterfully communicate in ways that you have masterfully communicated at so many times, if you're honest about tracing back all of those moments in life, what's channeling that is the emotion and what that relationship represents That's why originating attention is so important. Who are the people need the audience? What do you care most about? What do they represent today? When I was coaching, one of the things that helped
is my cohort of coaches are all amazing people. And when I'm looking at a screen at this woman that is my client for this session, she is I remember the times where she spoke to me and she was insightful, she was completely charismatic, compassionate, and she brings her whole self, And I'm like, this woman is important to I almost sent her name earlier. This woman is important to me. So every word that was coming out of romances, It's like, oh,
what's the what's the rate tape of reflection? You know, is it normal? Is it amplified? Am I reflecting simplistically? Emotionally? Am I reflecting? Need? None of that shit mattered. I'm just going to show up for her And that cuts out a lot of the noise. Now, if you do that, you don't have the skills, you're screwed, right, But if you have the skills it and you're looking outwardly, it gets rid of a lot of the distraction in the background.
Yes, yes, It's.
Like I think, I think that you know, having that conversation versus or you know, when you're having those those meaningful exchanges with people in the moment versus what you thought you might do when you got there. Like I often, I'll go to meet someone and I think I know what I'm going to talk about it, what I'm going to say, or how I'm going to approach it, and then I get there and I'm like, Okay, plan because Plan A, B and C ain't gonna work.
You know. I think that's that.
That being able to read the room mate. Unfortunately, we've got to wind up because I've got to go and do something. I apologize, listens. I feel like we curtailed that a little bit, but we'll go for longer next week. Tell people how they can find you and listen to you and connect with you.
Yeah, I'm on Robert Capuccio dot com. Well, if they don't renew the website, I'm not going to be on there much longer. Thanks for reminding me, and so ant do com and every Thursday or Friday or so, he'll be here at the uprogra here next week.
In fact, other than TIF, you are probably the human in the world that's done the most episodes of this show. You definitely done the most episode, so you're pretty much a co host by now.
I shouldn't have then where's were in need? I should get a beanie if that's the case, right, Like you're like the number one most frequent guest, I should have at least a beanie.
Do you really not have a U Project beanie?
I don't want to have a U Project beanie. Why would I ask for another one? Do you think I'm hoarding these things? Some type of project?
Will I will talk to Melissa today. I'll talk to Melissa today and she will send you one. Well, it's Friday afternoon, so probably not today but soon, and knowing Australia Post, you'll get that about mid next year.
So enjoy that.
I'll just swing by and pick it up.
All right, buddy, I'll talk to you off there, but thanks again mate.
Thanks everyone,