I'll get a team. Welcome to another instorm on the show, Tiffany and cooks back. I don't know if you've ever heard of her. She's a pugilist, she's she's the hostess with the mostess. She is the she's the life force. She's the blood that courses through the typ veins but also more importantly on Planet Tiffy Roll with the Punches podcast veins. So she's here, I'm here. It's a Saturday. We thought we'd get together and if you had an idea you wanted to, what do you want to do? Unpack a few things.
I thought we'd wheel the whiteboard lessons out, wheel the whiteboard out and drill down on some of these lessons you post.
Let's do let's do that, shall we? It's do you know? It's been. It's been a lot of years. It's been. There's a lot of six thousands something whiteboards there.
It's the whiteboard University. Now. It is more than just a lesson.
It's little life tidbits. It's some of them are silly and some of them are insightful. Some of them are a bit deep and philosophical. Some of them cause a bit of angst with some of the readers. Some people feel compelled to send me I hate your gut, you're a fucking idiot kind of email. Thank you, Brian got all of those. You're welcome. Welcome.
Do you know what it's like though, it's similar to it's they're a little bit like Buddhism, whereas they're very simple but very deep depending on the person on the other end of them readings.
So it's so, I mean this whole thing of you know, sharing thoughts and ideas and messages and not not me necessarily, but everyone who does that. It's yeah, like with Buddhism, or like little things that are extracted from the Bible or the Koran or the bag of the Vita. If is that the yeah, you know, like they're just a little like in sites, the little lessons, they're little, you know, tidbits,
cognitive and emotional or spiritual tidbits. But the funny thing, and you know this is that what resonates with one person, we'll definitely not And then.
I always thought it was tit bits, I wrote, I.
Think it's tidbits. I don't think it's titbits, but I will stand corrected if and we could call this episode titbits in brackets by tip You're welcome. Yeah, yeah, ha ha ah. That's a funny start. That's a funny start. Yeah. Oh that does make me laugh. All right, So here's what we're going to do. You're going to share something that I wrote. I don't know what's coming, by the way,
and I'll share. Also, you share some thoughts and ideas, because like, some of the things that I write that I think are really profound, it's more than it's just really profound for me, and some things. You know, sometimes you'll get a response which is somewhat underwhelming considering the millions of people that look at my shit each month, and you're like, ah, but then I'll write something that's essentially hey, don't be a dick head, and it goes nuts.
So there's that, you know, there's that intersection of oh, what's going to work? And you know, like on on social media and on the internet in general, it's like, don't make it too long, make make it catchy, you know, make you know, lots of razzle, dazzle, don't do it post anything longer than twenty seconds. And you know, the longer thing that I the longer than my posts are generally the worse.
They go, what do you reckon? Do your number one's been.
Theme?
Yeah? Or your number one post? The number one thing?
I mean I wrote, I literally have put up a post, which you know, and that's the thing. Some of the funny, like so this one got over two million. Of course, life's a shit show, and then it's awesome, and then you're sad and then happy, and then it's lunchtime. Your challenge is not to create a perfect life, but rather to thrive in the inevitable imperfection of it all. And that's kind of a nice intersection of oh, yeah, that's kind of cute, and you know, it's like it's this
and that it's like, fuck, life is that? And then the next line and then it's lunchtime, people go, oh, that's kind of a bit amusing. But also the message is that life is all of that. Life is not fun quick, easy. You're painless. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's joyful, sometimes it's hysterical, sometimes it's painful, and like, really, what do we talk what is life? We're just really talking about the peaks and troughs of being a human and
the experiences of being a human. So, and as you and I have said, even I think yesterday or the day before on a podcast, we were or some stage talking about you know, Socrates, who was around two and a half thousand years ago, was talking about self awareness. And in twenty twenty five, I'm doing a PhD in self awareness. It's like I've invented fucking nothing. There's nothing that I tell people that's new. I'm just a different
bloke who does it a slightly different way. So, and I think that's the thing is it's like I, you know, people who put me on a pedestal, which is not many, just marm and Annie Marge. But like I always say, I'm not the wisdom, Like I'm just the conduit to the wisdom. I didn't invent any of these, you know, I might word it in a way that's a bit amusing, but that insight or that wisdom, or that expression of
understanding of the human experience existed long before me. You know, self awareness having an awareness of who you are and how you are and why you are the way you are, which is my obsession. I didn't invent that. I just got bored on board the train that was already moving, you know, cognitive central you know, all right, hit me up.
All right, first one at our call. We all want to be wanted, needed, valued, respected, understood, and loved. Problems arise when we seek those things from the wrong people.
Yeah, I didn't think you go I don't know what I thought you'd go with, but I didn't think that. Yeah, that is interesting. I think sometimes in our effort to belong or to be loved, or to you know, have a person in our life, we will overlook or compromise on a lot of things that in the short term feels like love and connection and all of those things, but over the long term we find out, no, this is really just a form of self destruction because I'm
not paying attention to the signs. I'm not the room and I'm letting a And it doesn't necessarily have to be a romance. It could be your boss, it could be a colleague, it could be your sister, it could be your mum, like it could be just any person that's in your life where you so much want to belong and have somebody that cares about you or you feel like cares about you, that you'll put up with a lot of shit that you know and I'm not
talking about the regular peaks and troughs of relationships. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about people who really are toxic. And that's you know, I think I think it's like, you know, it's nice to be nice, but it's not nice to be a doormat. It's good to be kind and empathetic and all of those things and to care about people, but you also need to have the ability to be able to say no, no, that's not okay. So that thing that you said not okay,
that way that you treat me not okay. And I know this is complex because of the dynamics of relationships and DV and all of those things. So this is a very complicated area. But I think in general terms, you know, I'd rather two great friends than fifteen or twenty kind of alright, somewhat shit, you know, talk crap about you when you're not around friends.
So with that, my question about that post is when for the readers, how often do you think that message is read and absorbed with the intended meaning and message for someone that's in it rather than someone that might be reflecting back.
Yeah. Look, I mean I think most people kind of get the message. I think sometimes people say to me stuff like oh yeah, Craig, great, yeah, brilliant, not that easy, champ, And I'm like, I completely agree. And by the way, where show me where I said this is easy? Show me where I said this is fun or painless or quick or convenient. Of course, it's fucking hard, Like this
stuff is real hard and real horrible sometimes. And I think the first part of getting out of toxic relationships or situations or things which are not good for your mental or emotional health broadly speaking, is to be able to recognize it, acknowledge it. And then maybe you're not going to fix it, change it or turn it around instantly.
Maybe it's a work in progress. But yeah, I think that the start of anything, like the start of any positive change that you want to make in life, whether it's get fit, get healthy, get out of a toxic relationship, stop spending money that you don't need to spend, Stop stop putting yourself in debt unnecessarily, you know, start a business, get a you know, get yourself in a different situation. All of those things. It starts with with us saying, look, I need to do this, I don't know how to
do it. Yet I don't know when I'll do it. I'm scared, and I'm all of this stuff, and but all of that's all right, But but doing nothing is never the answer.
Ready for the next one, I'm ready, Remember, one can see the look on your face. You look like gout gout at the start line.
I'll tell you what. He goes all right, doesn't he?
He does.
He makes me look like a fucking fungus at the bottom of a plant. Is full, is quick, He's quick.
Hit me up, butter Cup.
When I obsess about the past that I can't change and stress about the future that doesn't exist, yet, I miss out on the beauty of the present, the place I exist.
Yeah, this is this is one of those kind of toll Buddhist Eastern philosophy, you know, one of those very philosophical, spiritual kind of constructs. And so when we think about the past, like when we think about last Wednesday, when last Wednesday, when we were in the middle of last Wednesday, we were in the middle of what was then the present, like the present moment last Wednesday at twelve o'clock, whatever you were doing, whatever I was doing at midday at
that moment in time for me, it was now. At that moment, it was now for you, and then when it was one o'clock, it was still now, and then when it was you know, yesterday at midday, it was still now. Like life is a series of now moments. You can never live live being a present tense verb. You can never live in the past. You can never change the past, you can never live in the future. When next Wednesday comes around, which we call the future, as we are today on Saturday afternoon. In the context
of this moment, next Wednesday is the future. But we can't live in next Wednesday yet because we're in Saturday afternoon. So when Wednesday comes around, it's just another installment of now. Which is not to say that the past, what we now refer to as the past, can't affect us in the present. It can. People get a bit confused with this. I'm not saying that what happened in the past won't affect you. Of course it will, you know, trauma, anxiety,
all of those experiences. We absolutely get it. And I'm not being disrespectful or thoughtless when I say, but there's nothing that happened that we can change. Can we change how that impacts us in the moment. Yes, can we change our dialogue around an experience with and of that thing, Yes we can with therapy of all different kinds. But the thing that happened happened, so and the thing that's going to happen next week is going to happen next week. And so it's not that we don't care about the
past or the future. It's not that we shouldn't consider the past or learn from the past. It's not that we shouldn't think about the future or plan for the future based on what we now know. It's just that we can only ever be in the present moment. And that's why I have such a gratitude for like right now, three twenty seven on a Saturday, Like, I'm never going to have the twenty sixth of July twenty twenty five
at three twenty seven ever again in my life. And I know this is deep and philosophical, and twenty percent of the listeners are like, go harps, this is fucking amazing, and eighty percent like sharp a fuck up, tell a dick joke, right, But I mean, this is my point. We are always aligned with the familiarity of time, you know, fourteen hundred and forty minutes in a day. You know, you and I have had lots of Saturdays, but we've never had this Saturday. And there'll come a day where
it's your last day. It's your last day. And if someone said to you, tif today's your last day, but if you give me all the shit that you have, you can have ten more days, you'd go take my shit, right, Probably depending on that if you're in extreme agony or that, probably not. But you know what I'm saying. And so what's more important your things all your life? Well, it's a no brainer. What's more important how you look or your life? What's more important what people think you or
your life? Right? Nonetheless, we are so obsessed with all of the things that ultimately only matter because we think they matter, and so my and when you think something matters, By the way, this is not judgmental, because I'm exactly the same. If I think connection and love and co passion and kindness and service really matter, then that's my experience. If I think what people think my motorbike collection really matters,
then that's what really matters to me. Until something happens and I have a paradigm shift and I go, oh, this shit is pointless because what I really need is I need emotional and spiritual and social and intimate connection with people that love me and I love That's it.
Well, what's your experience with how long it took or takes or how often it happens that you can take these moments of introspection and perspective, because I know I can experience them and have them, and they're like epiphanies and it's like, fuck, I'll put that on a bloody tile and put it out to the world. But how easy is it then for that to start integrating into just how you call it, equanimity alive? How you just show up in that moment often? How often do you
stay there? And how often do you get pulled back?
That was a great question because all of us have self interest, all of us have ego, all of us like comfort, all of us like convenience, all of these things, and me included, maybe me the most. It is to live in alignment with your values, to really not while people are looking, not while you know you're videoing your fucking self on Instagram to get some kind of you know, accolades, Oh look at me being humble and just helping people while I've got a fucking camera crew following me. That's
not service, that's ego. Right Have I ever done well? Not that I've never done that, but have I ever done shit out of ego? While kind of thinking I was, yes, of course I have right. This is you know, personal development, real growth, real and deconstructing and reconstructing. Let's say you as a person. It's just fucking hard. It's not it's hard, and it's ongoing. But I think a great way to stay closer to that space that we're talking about. Tiffany
and Cook is two. But do it, don't go And I mean you, I mean all of us, you me. I do it every day. I truly do it every well unless I forget, but I would say three hundred and sixty days of the year. I have little practice. And my practice is what are three things that I'm super grateful for? And I do it when I sit at the coffee table in the morning. And sometimes it's the same things. And sometimes it's that I can walk, Sometimes that Dad's alive. Sometimes it's that it's that the
crabs alive. That you know, my mate died in the gym and now he's not dead. Like I'm saying, and it's like I'm going to his sixtieth birthday tonight. It was a very very big possibility. He wasn't going to have a fifty fifth birthday, lit alone a sixtieth. And I'm so grateful. And if you said to me or so, if God came down and went, hey, Craig, the crab can live for ten more years. But in or he's going to die tomorrow. But in order of for him to live ten more years, you've got to give me
everything that you own. I'm like, take it, God, not a problem. I can get more shit. I can't get him. I can't get another hymn right, And people go, yeah, sure you would. I think you know me pretty well. Like, by the way, do I want to lose all my shit? Definitely not. I like my shit.
Jackon, he'd let you at least keep one of the motorbikes, because God's a pretty good dude.
But you know what, yeah, well yeah, I mean yeah. The thing is that it's just like self help personal growth. It's not glamorous. It's not it's like, you know, even whether or not you believe the Bible or but even you know, so jesus right hand man was Peter right, who allegedly was the first pope. Kind of well, one day Jesus was hanging out with some people and I think it was a soldier that approached him and tried
to grab him. Peter, who was like top dog number one apostle, got his sword out and cut off old mate's ear. So you know, everyone's a work in progress. You know, it's like, yeah, of course he lost his shit and Jesus turned him in saith, don't lose thou shittest pete or something like that. I might have the scripture wrong, you know. There's another scripture that actually says don't add to the scriptures, which I just did. So
I apologize God and everyone else. But yeah, I this and for me, like these little whiteboards or tiles as you call them, they're just a really a fun way to share thoughts ideas. But have you got another one? Are you ready to go? Yeah? I got to another one in the spot.
I'm locked and loaded. Are you ready?
I'm ready? Does?
I feel like a lot of people will see this one from you and be like, well, that's a bit of a red herring from Harts. Next time someone compliments. You don't dismiss it, don't put yourself down, don't point out the flaws, and don't turn positive into another moment of self loading. Instead, just say thanks.
Well, we all do that, but as you quite rightly point out, I do that about me. I am a work in progress on this for me, it is And so are you kind of highlighting the fact that I put myself down a fair bit?
Yeah, and so yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.
So yeah. I know I've got to work on this. I because and you and I said this on your podcast recently, and what I think I want people to know that when I say this, I'm not being disingenuous. When I say I don't think highly of me, it doesn't mean I think I'm a piece of shit, right, But I don't think I'm a genius. I don't think I'm a gift to the world. I don't think any of that shit, right. But I'm so grateful for where I am and what I have and what I get
to do. And I probably need to do a deep dive on the origin story of that, like what is that about? But if somebody said to you, harps is awesome, and you told me that, I would like that, but if somebody says that to my face, I don't. It's not that I don't like it, I'm uncomfortable with it. So but yeah, I need to be better at that.
I'm no good at that. I'm better than I used to be most times when someone like you can see when someone writes a really nice compliment, these days, I just say thank you and I put a little heart, you know, I don't try to talk them out of my awesomeness.
What's your relationship with your feelings, as in, do you feel like they are an integral part of you and who you are? Because there's that separation of being reactive, like we have to have this relationship with how we feel and having an objective view on what's happening and why we feel a certain way. How do you manage that?
Or yeah, okay, So so we have feelings but we're not feelings. We have thoughts but we're not thoughts. We have a body, but we're not a body, right, it's these are experiences and like, the funny thing is when it comes to emotions feelings, I can feel unworthy while knowing that's not true. Yeah, right, So there's the logical critical thinking brain, the awareness that will Craig, you've done this quite a few times and you've got a lot
of You've got way more positive than negative feedback. You know, as a let's say, corporate speaker, you're you're all right, You're not terrible. But I could get up there and feel like not good enough on the day, or I just acknowledge those things for what they are, especially when it's that super self loathing stuff. But so it's not
always the same response. I might be in a situation where I feel some low level fear or anxiety, and I think sometimes that's my subconscious mind that knows something that my prefrontal cortex hasn't become aware of yet, or whatever intuition, instinct, god, divine awareness, whatever you want to call it. I mean, yeah, I've had so many of those things in my life where it seems like psychobabb
or bullshit. And especially someone who's literally studying the brain in the mind, I know it doesn't make sense in inverted commas sometimes, but it's like, well, you know, when we and we've said this, I've said this before, but when I say makes sense, then you go well to who you know, if you spoke to people two hundred years ago about the possibility of three hundred people being in a metal tube hurtling across the sky landing in
another country. They would go, that's irrational, that's illogical, that doesn't make sense. There's something wrong with you. We're going to burn you at the stake, right like, because that's completely in you know, eighteen twenty five, two hundred years ago, the idea, Oh, it's fucking ridiculous. It's impossible because you know, how much does that weigh? Are hundreds of tons? Well? No, you know, the idea of you being in one part of the world like you are right now, me being
in another part of the world. We're looking at each other and talking to each other while not being physically near each other. Also, well that's illogical, you know. So yeah, I just think that there's so much more that we can tap into an access but our overthinking brain gets in the way. And I think also we not all the time, but I think quite often we confuse the
rational brain with the fearful brain. You know, it's like, oh, this doesn't make sense to me, this scares me a bit, so it must be bullshit, and I need to criticize it versus I don't know if that's real. I don't know. It could be, it might not be. I don't know. Based on what I understand, which, let's be honest, is in an ocean of what there is to know. I have a fucking drop, right, you know, My knowledge is a drop of water in an ocean of what there is to know. But I'm looking through the lens of
that drop of water. I'm the drop of water. I'm not the ocean. So of course I don't know nearly everything.
It really highlights how hard it is to be human and to try and get better in this space, because you know, I ask you about feelings and how do we separate from those feelings that aren't true, that are in the way and get and make them not a part of our identity. They're kind of this separate thing to us. But then also on the other side, you talk about intuition and go, well, okay, so here's an experience. It's not great. You need to not you know, just
that's not part of you. You need to put it over in a box and carry on and be okay. And then over here we've got intuition that's good for you. It's got no explanation, and this is a lesson for you in your world. Out you go and know the difference and live your life.
Yes, yes, yes, and I mean this is this is the ongoing you know. Not too many years ago, scientists were saying nobody could run a four minute it was physiologically impossible for a human to run that fast, right, And what's funny is when Roger Banister did that for the first time, I think it was in nine to
fifty four. I could be wrong, but it was in the fifties, Like it was a widely held belief that it was physiologically impossible, and a lot of people ran like four zho one point one four minutes and half a second, Like there was a myriad of people who ran within two seconds, but nobody had ever done it. Now when he did it, and he ran I think like three point fifty nine to four within six months, like my mum and her friends from school did it, I mean it was like, you know, like something like
ten people did it. Because all of a sudden, Mary was pretty quick over the first Mary is pretty quick over the first four but she could only do it with a shopping trolley. That was the that's why she didn't get the record, but insensible shoes. But what happened, well, of course, bodies didn't change, humans didn't get more potential. What happened was, all of a sudden, everybody knew that it was possible. Everybody knew, Oh, so now it's illogical,
it's irrational, it's impossible, and boom, something happens. Then all of a sudden, everyone has evidence. Now, so the thing that was illogical and not possible last week, now we know it's possible. We know it's possible. And then all of a sudden, these other runners achieved the same thing.
So yeah, it's I mean, the you know, the mind is incredible, but also what's beyond the mind, Like we don't and that's the thing we don't know, but it freaks It can freak humans out to go, oh, there's you know, because we like to think the mind is all there is in terms of comprehending the world and human behavior, and but I'm pretty positive that there's wisdom and insight and intelligence that definitely exists beyond fucking Fatty Harps's brain and mind. Let's do one quick one then.
This one's titled The Saddest shit ever. Trying to get people to like you as the saddest shit ever. Live your values, invest your energy wisely, don't be a selfish coconut, and see who hangs around.
Yes, I'm glad you changed that word there. Yeah. Look, I think like wanting to be needed and liked and valued and loved and to belong one hundred percent understandable and normal and healthy and human. I want that. I want that. You want that. Nobody wants to be alone
or isolated or you know, unwelcome more. But I think you know there can when when the price to pay to belong to that person or that group or that whatever, that thought cult, that religious cult, when the price to pay is that you've got to essentially not be the true version of you, and you've got to align and you've got to think what they think and say what they say, and have their same values and language and behavior, and then you're actually losing yourself to become a version
of them. And that is the saddest shit ever. It's like, I think it's not the best model, perhaps, but I think a pretty good model is what are the things that are really important to you, also known as your values, Identify your values, then try and build a life around that. Habits, behaviors, choices, lifestyle relationships, build an existence around those values, and you're probably going to be in a better place than the person who's always trying to be liked. You know, if
we've got to go because I've got a meeting. But it's been great, Thanks so much.
Thanks almost, doctor Harper.
Let's talk soon, all right, Thanks