#1944 15 Things I Want You To Know - Harps

a bar towards two thousand episodes. Some of them been good, some of them great, some of them shit. It's been a steep learning curve, I'll say that. And you are many of you have been very loyal for a long time, so I appreciate that. Now, before I get too sloppy, I wanted to share with you some By the way, for the rest of the week, we've got lots of great guests. But tonight I want to well, whenever you're hearing this, but tonight for me, I want to share

with you just some stuff. I think that it's important that we all know stuff that I didn't know at one stage of my life, and either somebody taught me, or I learned, or life taught me, or experience or the situation unfolded before my eyes, and there it was the lesson me being the perpetual student or trying to be life being the ultimate classroom, and every experience and every person and every situation and every problem and every outcome is a potential teacher. And while that sounds cheesy,

it's also very true. It's also very true. So I want to share with you some things that I think are just handy and potentially powerful and transformational. I'm not going to go into great detail, because I don't this is to be a one and a half hour extravaganza, so I'm going to keep it concise and just give you.

Actually wrote at the top of my page ten things I want you to know, and then I proceeded to write down fucking seventeen or something anyway, so I don't know how many it is, but i'll probably the title will probably be fifteen things I want you to know, but don't count them because I think there's going to be more at no extra cost. So things I think

are important for all of us to know. And this might be something you might want to share with somebody in your life or your world or your orbit that you think it would be good for them to know this. So one of the things we're always dealing with as humans is disappointment, among many other things, of course, but disappointment is interesting because, like many things, it is an individual response. So that's an internal thing, an individual response.

I am disappointed, I feel this disappointed, I got disappointed. I'm having a disappointing experience or moment. And that internal response is generally a byproduct of, or we think it's because of something happening in our external world. So something happened around us or to us, or despite us or because of us, there was a result, there was an outcome we didn't want. Somebody did something or said something, or didn't do something or didn't say something, and the

byproduct of that was disappointment. And I guess one of the classics is that we many of us, get disappointed by the same person often, and we know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So I wrote quite a sweary post about this, which I won't repeat on here, but a sweary post about this, alluding to the fact that if Brian behaved a certain way the last four or one hundred times, all three or

two hundred or even fifty times. But if Brian or whomever behaved a certain way, acted a certain way, treated you a certain way, spoke to you a certain way the last however many times, then more than likely he's going to do that. He's going to be that, he's going to talk like that, he's going to be a

version of that this time. So one of the curious things about us is each time Brian, whoever Brian is, does that thing, even though he's done it one hundred times in a row, we still somehow get disappointed because, although it's understandable, we want him to be different. But expecting him to be different based on his history is not a logical expectation. It's an irrational expectation based on an emotion. That is, we feel that he should or

we want him to. It's not based on rationale or logic. Right, So the disappointment comes from our expectation, not so much of his in this example behavior. So disappointment is a byproduct of my expectations and yours not their behavior. We know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

So that doesn't mean when I expect someone who's treated me poorly the last hundred times, when I expect that to happen, or I expect them to be rude, I expect them to be inconsiderate, I expect them to be thoughtless, I expect them to be selfish. That doesn't mean I'm condoning it. That doesn't mean I like it or I support it. It just means that I'm aware and I'm practical, and I'm realistic that this guy or this girl, this person, this individual that's behaved a certain way probably is not

going to be different today. The point of knowing this, well, the real value in knowing this is that it stops us getting disappointed repeatedly. Like I said, expecting somebody to be how they've been is logical. Expecting them to probably be rude or thoughtless or inconsider it is not what we want. We don't want that, but we intellectually can understand that that's probably what's coming. And so that's really

a self protection mechanism or practice. Number two is and I've spoken about this a bit, so thing I want you to know too. People are going to be bothered some people by your success. I spoke about a thing once or twice on the show, and I've written about it called schadenfreuder, which is a German word, not surprisingly sharden or schadenfreut, And it just means that some people

enjoy your pain. You're suffering your failure some people and will go into this at some stage perhaps but not tonight, not today. Some people take delight in seeing you fail. And also conversely, some people are really bothered when you succeed. So one they're happy when you fail, and two they're unhappy when you succeed. And I wouldn't call myself a raving success story, but I've done enough cool things and I'm very and there's no ego in this because I've

fucked up more than i've won in inverted commas. But I've had some wins, and I've succeeded with some things, and I've done for my very mediocre and insignificant level of talent. I've done alright. And I'm well aware of numerous people that used to be but are not anymore

in my orbit. That really, let's just say the emotion that they had around my success or me doing well or me getting or building or creating something that worked, and opportunities that I created, and that really fucking bothered people. And I mean, I shouldn't say what I'm going to say, but fucking I'm going to say, leanin. I would love to do a whole podcast on this because and it happens to many people, but the amount of people that

have been bothered and I could name names. I would never name names, of course, but I find it fucking hilarious and interesting and fascinating that, you know, the the the amount of people that do not want you to do well. Of course, there are people that do want you to do well, let's not make this too negative, but also a surprising number of people who are bothered by your success. So that's nothing to worry about, nothing to dread, nothing lose sleep over, just something to be

aware of. And of course there will always be amazing, hopefully in your life, amazing, beautiful, kind people who want the best for you, irrespective of what's going on in their life. All right, next thing, I want you to know, you know what I'm going to say, So I'm not going to dwell on this or you don't know what I'm going to say, but you've heard me say this,

and that is that people don't think like you. Now, when I say that, I mean some people might think similarly to you, But nobody's thinking like you twenty four to seven. Nobody's looking through the you lens. Nobody is experiencing or dissecting or interpreting the world and all the events of that world. They're not. They don't have your data processor, they don't have your brain, they don't have you your mind. They don't have your values and beliefs

and ideas and culture and experiences and history. So people don't think like you, or they don't think Probably they don't think the same. Some people will think similarly, of course, And that's why, by the way, that's how we end up in all these different thought cults, because we love to gravitate towards people who think like us. That's why

echo chambers exist. That's why behavioral and sociological and cultural and religious cults exist, where we just hang out in groups and rooms where people are you know, telling us basically whatever we think is right, and we're doing the same to them. But in general terms, when we're out and about It's called the false consensus effect. By the way, when we think that what is coming out of our mouth, for example, our intention will be that person's experience. I

think this, therefore they will think this. That's an erroneous assumption. It's an interpersonal faux pa. It's a fuck up. And assuming that people think like you when we're just in general, life creates interpersonal issues, confusion, disconnection, conflict, offense, misunderstanding, and a myriad of shit that you don't want. So assume that they might not think like you a little bit through to they think nothing like you. Don't assume that

they're picking up what you're putting down. Next thing. I want you to know the enlightened goal. The enlightened goal is not to be perpetually happy. I feel like happiness is held up as as the ultimate achievement. And of course happiness is great. I recommend it, I use and recommend happiness. But I don't think. I don't think the goal of happiness or continuous happiness or you know, this never ending series of happy moments and days and encounters. Not only do I not think, I know it's not

it's not realistic. It's not practical. I think a much more enlightened goal, or a much wiser goal, or practical or achievable goal is to one to embrace that happiness and embrace those moments of joy and navana and all of that when it's around. But I think more importantly to be really practical and go, you know what, life is peaks and troughs. Life is light and shade. It's black and white. It's good stuff, it's bad stuff. It's

it's tragedy, it's triumph, it's sadness, it's joy. So I think our real challenge, our ultimate goal, is to be able to successfully navigate all of that, to successfully navigate the peaks and the troughs of being a human, you know, and all the inevitable stuff that comes with that. And if we're happy and joyful and things have gone great, and if we're calm, and if we're in a beautiful place,

that's amazing. But if we wake up tomorrow and we feel like dogshit, or we're a bit anxious, or we're a bit sad or a bit flat, or we don't have the same level of motivation, or we're not flying on the happiness cloud, that's okay too. Because that means you're human. That means you're normal, and that's all of us. That's all of us. I've never met a person, and I've met lots who's perpetually happy. I've met some people that are happy a lot, and I've met some people

that are atypically happier than others. And I've met some people who are sad a lot and flat a lot. Right, But I've never met anyone who's twenty four to seven happy. So I don't know that happiness as a goal is a great goal. I think perhaps being functional and operational and okay and accepting and what's the other word I guess they'll do in the middle of the peaks and troughs. I think that's the goal, is navigating the tough stuff and being alright with it. Okay. My next one is this,

It is very Craig Harper. Life doesn't care about your feelings. Life's not fair. And I know that seems like maybe an unnecessary thing to say, but it's kind of a silly like when we it's almost like we anthropomorphize, that is, humanize life, whereas life is what is life, Life is, life is eighty years, Life is eighty five years. Life is this myriad of ongoing events and happenings and situations

and circumstances and good and bad. And it's like life is not a conscious entity, that's you know, watching you. And so this idea that life's not fair, well, no shit, I mean, but again, is that life being unfair or is that just the human experience? Of course, some kids get cancer. Of course, some bad people live till their ninety five. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Some people work really fucking hard and it doesn't pay off. Some people are born with

phenomenal talent. Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They've got all the re sources, all the dough, they've got the cheer squad, they've got the situation, they've got the home, they've got the private school education. If that stuff matters, not sure. But of course people are born into different situations and so kind of investing energy, by the way, feeling that life's not fair or you know, life doesn't care. I don't think this is a terrible thing.

I just think it's not a good use of your energy. It's not a good use of your time. It's a fucking pointless conversation. The amount of people will going, Oh, life's not fair. Yep, sure, next, So in the middle of the unfairness of life, what are you going to do? I mean, this is the challenge. Like, we know that life is messy, and life is unfair, and life is peaks and troughs and all the stuff that I said before. Good things happens to bad people, and bad things happen

to good people, all that shit. But really the question is, in the middle of all of that stuff that you and I can't control and didn't choose and don't determine, in the middle of all of the stuff that we can't control, what is it that you and I can control? And what are you and I going to do about that? The next thing I want you to know, and this is this is just something to think about. This is not a revelation, but you'll never have more time in your life than you do the moment that you are

hearing these words. Now, think about every moment that passes by. And this is not being fatalistic, but every moment, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, month, year, is you moving closer towards the finish line. And that's okay. That's nothing to be terrified. That's something to acknowledge. I did a podcast the other day called The Home Straight when I spoke about my own mortality and I went, well,

I'm sixty two in September. I'm probably will put it this way, if I'm the average Australian male in terms of life expectancy, I'm past the three quarter mark. I'm seventy five percent done. I'm well and truly on the home straight. I mean I could live three more years

or three more decades, or less or more. I'm not sure, but I know that for me at sixty one heading towards sixty two, to sit around with my fucking hands under my thighs waiting for the mystical, magical, mythical right time to do stuff or to make a decision, or to address that issue, or to have that conversation or to address that shitty habit or and on and on and on. It's like I will never have more time. My time is only diminishing. You will never have more time.

Your clock is ticking down every day. That it's not something to worry about. That's something to be aware of and say all right, knowing that my time is ticking down, knowing that this today is the most time that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. Tomorrow it will be a day less. Right, What are you going to do with that? Because I feel like some of us just have the mindset that I'm always going to have time. I don't need to do it now.

I can put off. I can put it off. And truly, some people have been saying a version of that for ten years. I reckon some people more, some people more. So, You're never going to have more time than you have now. Next thing I want you to know is this, you don't lack potential. You don't lack potential. I've never never met a person who doesn't have potential. Some people have more,

some people have less. But I've never met a person with zero potential to do, be, create or change something, to achieve, something, to move the needle on, something to do better on, something, to change their body in some way, to change their lifestyle, their life, their habits, their thinking, their behavior. Every person I've ever met has some potential, some maybe a little bit, maybe a fuck load that

they are not exploiting. For me, I truly believe, and this is one of my passions, which is why I am so committed to helping people to understand their own possibilities, power, and potential. I believe the problem is that most people don't understand how much potential they have. One. So that's problem number one. Problem number one is they don't understand how much potential they have. Problem number two is they may have been around people who somewhat eroded their self

belief and confidence. Right, that's cool, we've all had a bit of that. Move on. That's number two. Number three is the shit that we really need to do to move the needle and to tap into that and exploit that potential is quite often going to be uncomfortably and convenient and painful, right, all things we don't want. So I've never met you most of you listening to this personally, I've never met you. Some of you have, but I would be extremely surprised. In fact, i'd be in fact,

I wouldn't believe it. If you have zero potential left to exploit, I would be absolutely dumbfounded. That doesn't mean we can all do everything. Doesn't mean that I can't go you know what, I'm going to run a marathon in two hours. I'm going to run one hundred meters in ten second. Look out, gout, gout, I'm fucking coming for you. That's not happening, right. We know that I'm not going to win a Grammy. I'm fucking singing. There's

a bunch of shit I can't do. But do I at sixty one, the bloke who's done a whole lot of stuff and really pushes himself. Do I still have potential that I haven't used or exploited or opened the door on? Yes? I do. So if crusty old Jumbo can, then so can you. The next thing I want you to know, and you know this, but this is just a thing to be aware of, so I'll be brief.

I want you to remember day to day that you think the way that you do, You behave the way that you do, you see the world the way that you do. You maybe have the ideas and beliefs and values that you do, at least in part, because you've been programmed. Since you could think, since you could process data, since you could interpret the world around you and people around you, and the various stimuli media, social media, book, school, friends, family,

all that you have been programmed. You've been influenced and possibly manipulated, possibly controlled up to this point in time, and you're still being programmed by all the stuff that you pay attention to. Me too, Am I influenced and somewhat programmed or affected by everything I listen to, I watch, I read, I pay attention to. Of course I am. You know why because brains and minds are very programmable. Now if I think, oh, no, I'm not, I'm not

influenced by that. I'm completely objective, I'm completely totally independent in my critical thinking. Well, one I'm lying to you, Two, I'm full of shit, and three it's not possible. So it's not that we're trying to undo all the programming. It's that we're trying to be aware of the programming, which for us is self limiting. What's the thing that I've learned in inverted commas that's fucking me up, that's getting in my way, that's inhibiting my thought processes. That's

a form of self sabotage. The next thing I want you to know that not a lot of us think about, is that your brain. Your brain. Okay, So what I'm about to share with you is broscience, but it's essentially true.

Your brain is kind of like your biceps, or your glutes, or your CODs, or your deltoids or your triceps in that in that your brain needs to be worked out if you want it to work well as you age, If you want your brain to function well, to be in inverted commas, if you want it to be strong and functional and operational and adaptable and resilient, just like you want your muscles to be as you get older, so that you can be healthy and functional as you

move into your sixties, seventies, eighties, or fifties or whatever.

Your brain needs to be trained. You need to. You know, one of the funny things that I see, not funny sad things is that you know, people who will either do no exercise at all have a completely unhealthy life style, and not only do they not do anything for their body or their brain, but they actually do things to their body which fucks up their brain, like alcohol like booze, like drugs, like inadequate sleep, like not managing you know, stress,

and all of these things. Some are harder than others to address. I know, but your brain needs to be looked after. And because we don't see it in inverted commas, like we see our ass or we see our arms, or we see our whatever, we tend not to worry about it, or perhaps worry is not the right word, but concern ourselves with its health. Your brain will decline. That's not a maybe, that's a definite. Your brain will decline.

Your cognitive function will go down, your memory will go down, your mental acuity will drop, your focus will go down. Your ability to solve problems will decrease. But here's the butt. When that happens, and how quickly that happens, and to what level that happens is something that you can manipulate. I've said this many times, and I don't want to bore you, but and I can't prove this or measure it, but hopefully you trust me. I feel like at sixty one my brain works at least as well as when

I was thirty. I could be wrong, but I'm very grateful that I'm doing things like this, where I am talking in a room by myself on a Saturday night. I've got to use my brain. I've got to concentrate, I've got a string words together. Hear that. I've got to be articulate. I've got to think in real time. I've got to try to use words and build rapport and connection talking about you know, the same thing, but connecting with thousands of people who are not the same.

So this is a real cognitive exercise that I am in the middle of right now doing my research and my study university is a cognitive exercise. All the things that I write on the whiteboard every time I stand in front of an audience, a three D audience in real time, in real life, it's a cognitive exercise every time I commit to learning something new, whatever that is, whether it's in an academic setting or not, it is

really important. I believe that you train your brain, that you do things consciously and intensely, not incidentally, not accidentally just hoping that your brain works optimally when you're seventy or sixty or ninety, but that you consciously and intentionally do intelligent things, smart things, proactive things to keep your brain working. My next one is really backs that up. So they kind of butt into each other, and that

is how you age is optional. So aging not optional, of course, I mean, you're just going to keep aging until you die. So let's assume and hope that's not in the near future for all of us. But you know, of course, the chronological clock just keeps ticking. So my chronological age will be sixty two in September. September twenty eight, don't get anything, don't get any trouble, just something big and expensive. So chronologically, my age just keeps going, going

up until it doesn't. And that's linear, that's a constant, that's the same. It doesn't change every year. I'm exactly, you're ready one year older, exactly. But the rate at which my body and my mind and my brain in particular, my muscles, my bone, my ligaments, my tendons, my cells, my cellular health, my organs, my nervous system, my heart, my lungs, the way that all of that stuff ages is largely about my behavior. My choice, is my lifestyle,

the things that I do. It's not entirely because of course there's an unavoidable component and a genetic component, but the way that we age can definitely be manipulated for the better. Okay, my next thing that I want to share with you, let's do couple more, and that is that I want to talk about this more in the next few weeks maybe. But this thing I want you

to know is that sometimes logic is illogical. What we call logic is really just a story that we tell ourselves based on what we think, we understand, how we think, and what we think we know. So when I look at something, I might have no idea how that something works. And to me, based on my knowledge, my understanding, my I'll go, that's fucking that can't happen. That's not real.

That's illogical. And to me, based on my knowledge and my logic and my understanding of what is and what is possible, and what we can and what we can't do, and what can and can't happen, it's very possible that the thing is real. But to me it's just illogical.

That's not logical. And if you think about historically, like imagine like we've been around three hundred thousand years or something as a species, imagine if you went back to any time in history one hundred and fifty years ago or more anytime between you know, then in Jesus or way before that, and you said, do you know what, one day in the not too distant future, there will be people in a big metal tube that weighs hundreds of tons, there'll be people in this big metal tube

flying through the sky. They will probably have burned you at the stake, They might have thrown you in some kind of confinement or isolation. They definitely would not have thought on any level that you were being logical, rational, or reasonable, because they based on what was possible, based on understanding, based on science, based on knowledge at the time. The idea of flying through the air in a metal tube.

For most of our evolutionary timeline, probably ninety nine point nine nine percent of how long humans have been around, that was a completely irrational and logical idea. That's fucking stupid. That can't happen. And now, not only is it logical, you know, we don't even think about it as you go jump on a plane. I still don't know. I mean, I'm not really great at physics. I'm sure I could probably figure it out, but sometimes I look at those motherfuckers.

I'm thinking this is very big and very heavy. Anyway, So the thing that you say, oh, that's not logical, Maybe it's completely logical, but it's just that you don't understand, like to me what I know it is. But you know, what seems illogical to me at times where I'm on a zoom call, I'm interviewing Bobby Capuccio, who's you all know, and he's in New York or he's in San Diego. It depends where he's at at the time, opposite coasts, I know. But I'm looking at him, he's looking at me.

I don't know how many thousands of miles that is a lot or kilometers, Like, let's go with a fuck load. I'm looking at him, he's talking, I'm talking. I see him. There's no lag, there's no delay. It makes no sense. If you said to me, Craig, explain technically, explain how that works. I couldn't even give it a stab. It's not how my brain. That's not my area of expertise. I'm sure I could go and learn, and I could jump on here and explain it to you, but that

it ain't my wheelhouse. Or you could probably explain it to me much better. So logic is just a story that we tell ourselves sometimes. The next thing I want you to know is that destination disappointment is real. I'll say it again. Destination disappointment is real. That is, we get where we wanted to go. Literally or metaphorically, financially or health or business or career or relationship or whatever

it is. We get where we wanted to go. We tick the box, we achieved the thing we wanted to achieve. Bibertybobby Boo. I wanted X and Y. Now I've got X and Y, and now I thought I'd be fulfilled and happy and great, but I'm not. I'm actually disappointed

because I've got the thing, the external thing. And I thought getting that external thing, the thing that everyone can see, the achievement or the accolade or the money or the car or the job or the thing that I wanted, I thought that would create an corresponding internal thing that would be bigger than the actual thing, and I'd be good. But now I've got the thing, I've done the thing, I've achieved the thing, I own the thing, I earn the thing, and I'm still fucking sad. Oh ah, So

what is that about? What is that about? I think I think it's because we expect the achievement or change or doing or undoing of something in our external world, our physical, three dimensional world, the scene world that we live in, not the unseen world that lives in us. But the scene world, the physical world, the three dimensional world. We do something and as we're heading towards doing that thing, we think that that's going to change our psychologically and

emotionally and spiritually for the better. And it doesn't, or it does, but it does it for three days and then we're like, oh, so then we've got to reboot. And we go, well, it must not be two hundred grand a year. It must be three hundred grand a year. Or it must be not seven inch arms. This sounds familiar, and maybe it's got to be eighteen inch biceps, or maybe it's got to be whatever. Maybe it's a million followers,

not half a million followers, or maybe it's whatever. So we keep moving the goalposts, delusionally thinking that the external achievement will guarantee the internal state we want. When you know, sometimes it's really just about and you know, yell at me through your fucking car or your phone, I get it. But it really is about the journey. It's like who am I becoming on the journey. It's about what am

I developing and learning and understanding and building. As I climb the mountain, I'm building resilience and capacity and confidence and skill and fitness and strength and balance and coordination and a different kind of awareness as I'm climbing. Then I get to the top of the hill, I'm like, okay, it's the top of a hill because it really ain't about the finish line. It's about the journey towards the finish line. Yes, cliche, shoot me, I apologize, but it's

just true. It's just true. Let's do let's do one more. I'm going to go with. Strength isn't always about winning. In our culture, we're very much enamored with winning, with being the best, with succeeding. Nothing wrong with any of that, by the way, But sometimes strength is it's about Sometimes

strength is like really underwhelmingly unimpressive in a way. It's like sometimes it's about just not losing your shit in the middle of the thing that you used to lose your shit in, like being the calm in the chaos. It's not always about winning, or being in control, or being the best, or even knowing what to do next. Sometimes not knowing what to do and being okay is strength.

Sometimes being scared and being okay is strength. Sometimes being uncertain and being in the middle of unfamiliarity and unpredictability, and you being emotionally and psychologically fine in the middle of what for many people would be distressing, somewhere between mildly distressing and fucking overwhelming. I think that's what strength

is like. When I talk about high performance, I talk about people getting the best out of themselves, whatever that is, wherever they are for me, and yes, I can talk about high performance in a business sense, or a creative sense, or a sporting sense or but for me general, what I would call high performance in life is just about what you can do with what you've got, which is why I've said before my favorite high performer in the world as my mum, And of course I love her,

and I'm biased, of course, But here's this forty two kilogram woman. Let's say that again, forty two kilograms. I reckon she might be lying. I reckon, she might be forty.

But anyway, who's eighty six in a few months. Who's looking after my dad, who's in worse shape than her her, who's had cancer three times, and who's had a minor heart attack, and who's had a myriad of challenges and pretty much never complaints, pretty much just looks after people, including me, so for me, for me, that is strength. That's to me, that's impressive. Some dude in the gym deadlifting six hundred pounds that doesn't impress me. Well done,

by the way, that's cool, that's a cool achievement. But you know it's that ain't what I call the epitome of strength. So strength sometimes is just about your capacity, whoever you are, whatever you got to work with, just to keep going. All right, team, Hope you got something out of that. Appreciate you, Enjoy your Sunday if you're listening to this on a Sunday or whatever day you're listening to it, and you and I hopefully will hang out together soon