A good a team. I hope you well, welcome to the You project. It's me So for a long time I've been working with people trying to help them become the best version of themselves, as you know, addressing all the physiological stuff and psychological stuff and emotional stuff and practical stuff and career stuff and personal stuff and the scene and the unseen and the physical and all of that.
And I've really, I guess, had a real broad cross section of people and experiences and interactions and encounters and revelations around understanding how we If I'm a bit clunky right now, I apologize I haven't scripted this, but how we essentially, how we get in our own way, how we how we shoot ourselves in the foot, how we self sabotage? And while there are I reckon, I could come up with one hundred ways if I sat down
and wrote a list. I just in the last four or five minutes jotted down ten ways that just dawn on me very quickly, that we get in our own way that and some of these might be relevant to use,
some might not. But I think that one of the things that we need to do to learn to grow, to evolve all those things, I say, to become the best version of ourselves, to explore our potential, to produce the kind of outcomes that we want to produce, to create the change we want to create, and more importantly, keep that change sustained, so keep the wheels turning, keep
building on the momentum. Is that sometimes we need to do an audit or an inventory on how we are the problem, because sometimes the problem on play at Craig is Craig. Sometimes what's getting in my way is me. And while of course there are a lot of variables in the transformational kind of journey or on the transformational journey, and of course there will be real world things that stop you or hinder you, or affect you or get in your way to some extent, there will always be
a you element. There will always be a component of the journey that is either inhibited or accelerated because of you or in spite of you. And so this is a real exercise in self awareness, self reflection, self awareness, and eventually hopefully self regulation and self actualization. Self actualization me being I've recognized the thing that I do, I've acknowledged it, I've owned it, I understand it, and now I'm regulating or self managing, and I'm doing different and
now I'm becoming different, self actualization, real change. I'm not going to dwell on all of these, but I'm going to go through them quite quickly, so in no particular order of importance. At the top of my self sabotaging habits for this list, number one is procrastination and avoidance. Procrastination avoidance. We often know what we should do, but we often don't do what we know. And the reason that we procrastinate or avoid or pretend or ignore or
tread water or whatever metaphor you want to choose. The reason that we do, or one of the reasons that we do, is because the thing that we need to do, the thing that we're ignoring, the thing that we're avoiding scares us. It scares us, and we don't like being scared. Or it's hard, and we don't like doing hardshit it's uncomfortable, or doing this thing requires me to step into a level of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and I don't like uncertainty
and I don't like unfamiliarity. So I'm not going to do it today. I'll do it soon. I'll do it soon, but I'm not going to do it today. And this is the underlying subtext or story for many people, is that the thing that they know that they should do that they're not currently doing. The story is yes, Craig, but I'm gonna do it soon, which is really one. It's bullshit, and it's too it's us giving ourselves a get out of jail card. Yep, yep. Now it's not a good time. It's too cold, it's too hot, my
ankle saw, the kids are on school holidays. It's not a good time. And now it's two thousand and thirty, right, And the thing that I've been avoiding and procrastinating about the issue is now ten times bigger because I haven't done anything, and so now I've backed myself into a corner. So the answer is, of course, the answer is not comfortable or convenient or quick or painless or easy. The answer is addressed the thing that you should address. And I know we want a magic pill, and I know
we want something a bit smarter. Is that it? That's it? That's it, or at least start the wheels turning, take a step, have a conversation, open the door, press the button, do something which is a small or tiny step for you leaning into or starting on the path of the change that you need to make or the thing that you need to address. Right, So, the simple answer, but not comfortable answer, is stop avoiding it, stop fucking around,
stop waiting for the mythical, mystical, magical right time. Number two on my list is imposter syndrome. Now I can't say to you, just turn that off with just that imposter syndrome, just turn that off. The self loathing, the self doubt, all of those internal kind of who do you think you are? You're not good enough, You're not smart enough, You're not pretty enough, handsome enough, qualified enough, tall enough, whatever enough, likable enough, lovable enough, all of
that kind of I'm not enough dialogue. It's probably not going to go away quickly for most of us. Right But is it possible that I feel perhaps that I'm not good enough, but nonetheless I take a chance, Nonetheless I try. Is it possible that I think, look, I don't think I could do a PhD, or I'm not sure that I could do a PhD. There's self doubt, there's fear, there's anxiety, there's potential embarrassment, there's all of this internal kind of combination of fear based emotions and
ideas and thoughts. But nonetheless, can I start the journey while still feeling those things? So I don't think the answer to self doubt or imposter syndrome is to flick a switch and it turns off tomorrow. I think the answer, or I think part of the answer and the challenge, and perhaps the smartest strategy is to feel what you feel, acknowledge the feeling, but realize that the feeling ain't necessarily
the fact I'm not good enough. Many times in my life, and I'm sure you at times have had self doubt, imposter syndrome, self loathing, and then you've done some thing and you surprised yourself. You went, oh fuck, I did it. Or I'm not that dumb or I'm not that restricted.
I actually have If I try, and if I persist, and if I'm brave and if I'm courageous and I take a step and I take a chance, and I make a hard decision and I do a hard thing, guess what, I can actually achieve some pretty cool shit. So the antidote, if you will, not the thing that'll
unplug the imposter syndrome overnight. But the antidote is to over time turn down the volume on it by being brave, by doing things that are a challenge for you, that will not only by the way, when we say I'm going to try anyway, and then we start to make progress, we start to get some results. Well, one, the volume on the imposter syndrome and the self doubt and self loathing and all that shit go down. That happens, but also we start to build competence and confidence and understand
in our own capacity. Number three on my self sabotage habits list is chronic people pleasing. Oh boy, I could do a whole show on this. I'm not gonna I'm just gonna say that it's nice to be nice, but it's not nice to be an emotional doormat. Some of you have written read my writing on this, some of you have heard me talking about this. You can be You can be a kind person, you can be a
compassionate person. You can be a person that what people want to be around, and also be a little bit fucking terrifying because you won't let people dick you around, letting people fuck you around, letting people manipulate you, or control you, or influence you in a way that you don't want to be influenced, or to even coerce you. That's not kindness. That's not you being kind, that's not
you being gracious. That's you being scared. And that's you allowing people to do something to you that you shouldn't. Now easier said than done, And this can apply to a range of situations, and there are a million variables around this, but what we know is the bottom line is in broad terms, that being a people pleaser is one a silly idea because you're not going to please
everyone no matter what you do. You know that no matter what you do, how hard you try, how much you are the gracious you know, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, employee, employee, whatever, you're not going to keep people happy. And two, it's fucking exhausting. It's exhausting. So you are not built to be a people pleaser. You are built to be a person who can live their values. Hopefully they're kind of
honorable values, but live your valuables. Be gracious and kind and thoughtful, but also be willing to say no, hey nah, And when people go why not? You don't need to
explain No, not interested. Thanks the end and the moment that you are telling someone know and they are trying to coerce or manipulate you to change that answer to a yes, that's where you need to dig deep, that's where you need to go well fucking definitely no, Because if people are not respecting what you want in terms of your own reality, in your own life, and your own choices and your own behaviors, then they're not friends.
For a start, they don't care about you. They're all about themselves, and they're all about what they can get from you, not what they can do for you. My next one is number four is not using our potential, not using our innate ability or talent, not optimizing or at least trying to optimize what we've been given to work with. What we have, our genetics, our brain are talent, the skills that we have, you know, the natural capacity
that we were born with to do stuff. So I know that I am you know, I don't think I'm particularly gifted at anything. I think I'm naturally a reasonably good communicator. So I think I am obligated if I want to serve people, if I want to be a good friend and mentor and teacher and podcaster and educator and all of these things that it's in my interest to lean into my potential to optimize that natural ability that I was born with, but also with other things.
You know, what is the potential or what is the capacity or what is the possibility of my brain, of my intellect, of my body, of my capacity to create a healthy paradigm for me to live in? But I'm building a reality. I'm building an operating system which is somewhere close to optimal for me, for me, not for anyone else, for me, so that I am doing based on who I want to be and how I want to be, and my values and my beliefs and my
ideology and my philosophy. I am building an existence around those things and optimizing and being grateful for what I have to work with. I say this because I meet way too many people who are pretty smart, pretty gifted, pretty talented, got pretty good genetics, got pretty good resources, pretty good opportunities. They're pretty good communicators. They've got a lot to work with, and they're not really working with it.
They're working against it because their default setting is set to comfort or instant gratification or convenience, or not being fearful, not leaning into the uncertainty, not leaning into the thing that scares them, the right thing, but the scary thing. We need to step up, not down. And you know, here's the thing we're all going to I know I say this a lot, but it's true. We're all going to wake up in a minute, and it's going to be twenty thirty, it's going to be five years down
the track. And some people sadly listening to this right now, Some people right now listening to this will still be wasting their potential. They'll still be talking about things they're not going to do. They'll talk about doing them, but they're not going to do them. They'll still talk about the things they want to do be create and change and do nothing or next to nothing. There will also be people listening right now, and I hope you're one of them that goes, fuck it. I don't want to
be that, I don't want to do that. I'm a bit scared, I'm a bit uncomfortable, I'm a bit un certain. All of that's okay. I'm going to embrace that and I'm going to take all of that on and I want to see what I can do, even me at sixty one, I'm fucking fascinated with my potential. Not because
I think I'm special. I know I'm not special, But I'm fascinated with, well, what what can a sixty one year old with average genetics and a bit of education and a good attitude, who makes good decisions, who creates good habits, who lives a certain lifestyle, who has a certain focus, who chooses a certain path. What can that guy do? Like? What can I do? And that ain't
about ego. That's about for me, that's about curiosity. That's about I want to wake up when I'm sixty five and go, fuck, I think I'm as good as when I'm sixty or fifty, or maybe I'm a little bit better, or maybe this particular area of my life I've actually improved and grown and evolved, and I'm sixty five, and at sixty five, I'm the best version of me regarding this particular composing of my life. I'm the best version
of me that I've ever been. Maybe I'm a better communicator or listener or teacher or coach or mentor, or maybe I'm better at self regulating or whatever it is. Or maybe I can do more chins than when I was thirty. Who the fuck knows. But if you're not consciously optimizing your potential and your talent and your natural ability, you're wasting it. Number five, Oh wow, time's flying. Number five will not surprise anyone, especially coming from me. The next way that we self sabotage is we do dumb
shit to our body. We consciously do dumb shit in that we choose it. We put things in our body, a range of things, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, crap. Let's just put it all under the banner of crap. We do dumb things to our body. We undersleep, we undernourish while overfeeding. There's a thought undernourishing while overfeeding. Our incidental activity is minimal because we spend our life sitting in chairs, some of us. And so this one amazing,
beautiful gift that we have called the human body. You've got one, I've got one. You can't get a new one. I can't get a new one. And when do most people think about stop doing the dumb shit? Or when do they think about stopping the dumb shit? I should say, when do they think about that? Seriously? Well, usually when they're terrified, usually when something bad has happened, or they've been given some bad news, or they've been backed into
a physiological or medical corner. And now if they don't change their operating system, if they don't stop doing the dumb shit to their body, they're fucked. If I get too scientific at any stage, let me know and I'll simplify it, right, But this is what we do. I don't need to go on any further, but you know, you know the things that you do to your body that are bad for your body. Our challenge with this is to be able to delay gratification. Yes, I know,
the peta, the donut, the ice cream, the whatever. By the way, I'm not saying never have any of that. I'm not saying that. I'm saying everything comes at a cost. Putting crap food, low nutritional value food, too much food, putting cigarettes, putting drugs, putting excessive booze in your body, under resting your body, undersleeping your body, overstressing your body in a bad way. All of these things have significant consequences.
And when we do this dumb shit to our body, we are literally, not metaphorically or figuratively, we are literally decreasing our lifespan. We are decreasing our health span. We are decreasing our own energy and health and the effectiveness of our immune system and our brain function and our cellular health every day by choosing to do the thing that is not good for or optimal for our body. Don't wait for an invitation, don't wait for some kind
of sign. Don't wait for the angels to appear on the window to give you some kind of revelation, cosmic or divine intervention, like if you need one, this is it. This is it. Number six confirmation bias. Here's a thing we do. We only pay attention to the eye and the stories and the beliefs that reflect us. We cherry pick the evidence that proves that we're right. And I like being right. We like being right because being right
makes us feel good about us. Being right makes us feel self righteous about our decisions and our choices and our operating system and our lifestyle. And we know that we are right, and so therefore everyone else in the world who doesn't agree with us, everyone who isn't in our little echo chamber of confirmation bias, everyone who doesn't live in our little thought cult or theological cult or behavioral cult, or exercise cult or eating cult or whatever
the fucking cult is. There are a million of political cult I could go on. All the people that don't live in our echo chamber or our cult. They the enemy and they're wrong. And so we go through life because we don't want to be wrong. We don't want to be embarrassed. We don't want to have to undo anything or unlearn anything, because that's real hard and we like easy. That's real uncomfortable, and we like comfortable. So it's much easier to tell ourselves the story that we
are not wrong. I am not wrong. I know I'm not wrong, because when I say that I know that I am right about this particular issue, then I'm also saying everyone in the world who doesn't agree with Craig Harper on this issue is wrong. Wow, that's fucking arrogant. Also, and in other breaking news, also, I have been wrong
about so many things in my life. How arrogant would I be to now think, at sixty one, having gotten a million things wrong and been you know, embarrassed and totally inept and totally incore with many things that I would now think at sixty one. I absolutely know I am absolutely right, and any piece of information or any message, or any story or anything that comes across my path of awareness that doesn't align with me, I don't listen to it. I don't pay attention to it. I don't
respect it. Well. That one, that's a stupid way to live. And it doesn't mean that, of course you're wrong all the time about everything. Of course, it doesn't mean that. It just means that we are wrong often, and opening ourselves to other people's thoughts and ideas is not weakness. It's humility, it's objectivity. You might you might say, look, this is what I think, I think ABC, Craig thinks d EF. I'm pretty sure ABC is right. Craig's pretty sure about DF. I'm just going to park ABC for
a moments. I still think that, I still believe that, but I'm going to open the door, and I'm going to try to open the door without bias, and I'm going to try to listen. I'm going to try to
be curious, not condemning, so I might consider something else. Now, you might do all of that, a real exercise in hopefully objectivity and self awareness and curiosity, and you might come back having considered my story or my philosophy or my ideology, and you might circle back to your version of what is which is ABC, and you might go, I consider DF, but I don't think so. I really did consider it, though, and I would go good for you. And by the way, you being in the ABC paradigm
and me being in the dof paradigm. That doesn't mean that we've got to be opposition. That doesn't mean we've got to go to war. In fact, we could probably have for most things different ideas and different beliefs and still probably be pretty fucking good friends. There's a crazy idea we probably don't have to hate each other. Amazing. I've got four to go. I better be quick because I've got to go to the gym in ten minutes. Bucket, you fuck. Number seven is waiting for the right time.
Some of us have been waiting for the right time, the mystical, mythical, magical right time, the right time. It's not the right time. It's a timing issue. I don't have data on this, but I've had thousands of conversations with thousands of people about this. My guess, your honor, this is my guess. This is my observation. This is my experience, this is my anecdotal evidence. My thinking is that it's a time issue for about ninety percent of us.
Is not true. But we like to say it's not about me, it's about time, because then if it's about time, it's not my fault, because there's twenty four hours in a day. I just want to do it. It's not about me. I have the motivation and I have the will, and I recognize that I need to do it, but
right now I just can't because I don't have the time. Now, sometimes that's true, but when you see the person five years down the track and they're still telling you the same story about the same thing that they should change, and five years later they still don't have the time, then probably it's not a time issue. Number eight is
waiting for an opportunity to present itself. It's so funny how many people say to me something like I never get an opportunity, Like somebody is going to bang on their door and go that ah on a silver tray with a ribbon on it. Good ay, Dave, here it is your opportunity. You welcome, and then you get the opportunity and you do all the right things and you turn the opportunity into a raging success and bibbity bobby boo, thank goodness. Or here's another idea. What if we create opportunities.
What if instead of waiting for someone to ask me, for example, to start a podcast, what if I started a podcast with no invitation and what if it failed? Which it did the first one, and what if the second one failed that also did, and the third one that also did, and then the fourth one, which is the one you're listening to now, the You Project, Well, that also failed for six hundred episodes. In that I was commercially losing go and going backwards. Eventually, eventually it
kind of worked. We built some momentum, we got a few sponsors, we made a few bucks, and here we are now. And how did we get here? Not because somebody from Nova contacted me and said, harps, we think you're great. We want to give you an opportunity to do a podcast. No, and I never say things like this about myself, but the truth is I work like a mother fuck. I took the risk, I paid the money, I got uncomfortable, I fucked up a thousand times, and
it grew. There was no opportunity on a silver platter. But I created an opportunity and I built on the opportunity and it became a thing. And you can create your own opportunities. And I've spent because here's the funny thing for me, because I've never been recognized. Nobody's ever gone, hey, you're a fucking superstar. We want to give you an opportunity that's literally never happened to me ever. In my life. My life has been about thinking, this is where I am,
that's where I want to be. How do I get there? Do I sit on the couch and wait for the knock on the door? Or do I ask questions? Do I do research? Do I talk to people? Do I gain knowledge? Then do I start the wheels turning? Do I make it? Of course, this is literally just the process of creating an opportunity. We create the opportunity, we create the process, we create the outcome. If somebody does happen to come to the metaphoric front door, great, and
I'm all for it. Like I'm I'm super happy for people who do get presented with opportunities, but they are in the minority, the majority of us. For the majority of our time, we'll need to create these opportunities ourselves. My second last one is in terms of how we get in our own way. This is a bit deep. Is we allow ourselves to be a character in someone else's story. And by that, I mean we don't really choose our path. We let other people choose it for us.
We become what is expected of us. We become who they think we should be. It's almost like they choose our path and purpose and belief and value use and job and academic path and all of these things. And then we wake up and we're twenty five or thirty or sometimes fifty, and we realize I've basically been doing a version of what people tell me to do or want me to do, or expect me to do forever. And here I am, and I've done all of these things. And now I'm thirty or forty or fifty or sixty,
And honestly, I don't love my situation. I don't love it. I don't love my job. I in fact, I don't like this Actually wasn't my choice. This is where I am and how I am and who I am, and my current situation is really just a byproduct of a bunch of stuff that for much of it I didn't choose. So this aligns with old blend these in this aligns with number ten, which is not living in tensionally right, And so by that I mean we are some of us are living almost as like I said, a character
in someone else's story. We're living reactively and defensively. Not so much are we consciously and intentionally and proactively creating our own path and journey based on what we want, who we want to be, what we know, what our values are, what we determine success to be. Now, this is not selfish, this is self aware. You don't have to become what people want. In fact, when you are becoming what people want you to be, you're moving away from your core nature. You're moving away from who you
are at your core. And if people need you to be a certain way to fit into their paradigm, that's not love. That's not kindness kindness. That's manipulation and control. And there are a lot of people in the world who love to manage and control and coerce and manipulate people, even people they in inverted Comma's love because it suits them. And the moment that the person you or me go hey, that's cool, I know that you really love that and want that. I don't love that. I don't want that.
What I want is this and the moment that you get clarity about who you are and who you want to be, and your path and your values and your purpose and your meaning and your direction and you really know that. And then if they protest, if they try to get in the way, that's alarm bell time. So in a loving way, fuck them. You don't need to control them, you don't need to tell them how to live. You can let them be them. You can still love
them and care about them. But the moment that they're trying to write your story is the moment that you should step away, if not literally metaphorically. All right, kids, I think that was all right. Listen to me pumping up my own tires. I love this stuff. How good is this stuff? Anyway? Have a good day. If you think this was of interest to maybe or of value to someone else, you know, do me a favor and maybe them a favor and share it with them if you would see you next time.