#1939 The Home Straight - Harps & Tiff

meaning to be rude. She's like, can I just ask you? And she got a little bit awkward. Right, So she knows who I am, not that I'm anyone, but she doesn't know me well. But she sees me at the cafe. She goes, do you wear the same thing all the time? And she's like, so, so you don't have to make any decisions or like, I don't mean to be rude. And I'm like, that's hilarious. I go, you can ask me whatever the fuck you want. It's all right. I go.

If there's one person that ain't getting offended about his outfit, it's jumbo, so ask away. So I said, I have about twenty pairs of these shorts, and I probably have fifty black T shirts or similar. I probably have fifty flannel shirts. And I dress for comfort. You know, I don't want to look horrendous, but I don't get up and think how good do I look in this? That's not a consideration, you know. I dress for Am I warm? Am I comfortable? Can I fucking run if I have to? Yes?

I can, I'm good? Is it clean? Have I turned my jocks inside out back to front? Is it day five or day four? Do I change them? You know? And yeah, But it's just funny. It's like the things which are not say, people should not care what they look like. I literally don't. I mean, well maybe I do a little bit, but not. You know, it's it's not even in the top fifty things that I think about on a given day. What do people think of my clothes? Is this? You know? Like I you know

how people are like, oh, this is Louis Vauton. This costs fucking twelve thousand dollars. I'm brag. I go, this flannel shirt costs four bucks. This cost four, This was twelve. I got it for four at big w Fuck, I'm winning at life. And then people go, why do you do that? You could have fallen like a two hundred

dollar shit. I'm like, well, I can't agree about it, but why would you know with your two hundred dollars, I could buy fifty of my four dollar shirts or one of your two hundred dollar ones.

nights that we had stuff on. But as soon as people compliment, I'm like, this was ten dollars, I'm like, you should shut up.

we'll put that to one side. And so I saw them and I was wearing a long black T shirt which I normally don't write, and so not a not a T shirt T shirt, but a long black but made of T shirt material, quite tightfitting, quite you know, you could see everything and it looks expensive. But I think it was like twelve dollars, right, But it looks expensive. It looks like one of those designer like body fitting

or hugging. And she goes, oh when I saw them, she goes, oh, that looks She goes, where did you get that? And like I knew she was trying to figure out whether or not she should like it based on how much it cost. I said, I think I got it in South Yarra some She goes, what did that cost? And I said it was a lot. I go for me, it was like a hundred and something bucks. She goes, I knew it. It looks amazing. I go, fuck you, it cost twelve dollars and she's like, yeah,

like I knew that. That was Like that's why I told you you should she and I knew that if she thought it was worth a lot, she would like it. But it wasn't worth a lot at all. But anyway, that's praise the Lord. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to I wanted to have a chat today about something that's been ruminating around my skon a little bit lately. I don't even know, Like, this is not a lesson anyone. This is me thinking out loud. I may even need a lesson from you, TIF I may need a lesson or

advice from you listeners. If you have anything to help me, feel free to go to the You Project podcast Facebook page and say, Harps, here are my thoughts, here are my ideas. So I've been thinking, not obsessing. But as you get older, right, you become more aware of your mortality. No shit, Sherlock, as Mary Harper says, no shit Sherlock. That's a favorite Mary saying. And so I'm I'm sixty two in December, and I think about this. I do this exercise with people. Shut me up if you need to,

or interrupt if you need to tip. But I do this exercise with people in workshops, sometimes not regularly, but sometimes. And what I do is so for me, I will put on the board on the whiteboard. I'll put it the left hand side, far left side of the whiteboard nineteen sixty three. I circle it like I'm doing right

now on my pad in front of me. Then I draw a line right across about ninety percent or eighty five percent of the whiteboard, and then in that circle, I'll write, if I was doing it right now, i'd write twenty twenty five, and then past that I would do say, go to two thousand and forty five, and I'd say, now, statistically, if I'm statistically averagish, like, this is my life, and then everyone looks at my life

and it's like, oh, it's about eighty percent done. It's about your life based you know, it's like and what we know. And then I think about and I just say, listen, I don't want to use you as an example. Let's use me, right, because we just want to talk about this thing. We don't want to be morbid, we don't want to be sad, we don't want to create anxiety. But here's the thing. We're all going to die. Okay, We're all going to die. We know that. And most

of us don't die in a great state, right. It's not like too many of us go out, you know, bootscooting and laughing and you know, doing shots at the bar and then get hit by a fucking missile or something on the way out the front door. You know, happy as fuk got blown up in the car park rip jumbo doesn't happen, right, So, and just thinking about, not obsessing, not worrying, but it's just thinking about, Oh, so if I'm now, let's let's say let's round that

up to sixty two. And the average aussy bloke, in fact, I think, only lives to eighty or eighty one. But let's say I've got twenty years. Hopefully I've got more. But let's say I've got twenty years. You go, well, statistically, probably five of those are going to be fucked who knows, hopefully not. But then you start to think about, I can't undo anything I've done. What do I want to do? This is I think what do I want to do in the next Like I don't know how many great

years I've got. My intention is to have more than twenty, of course, But I think you also need to be realistic and practical though, and a little bit what's the word vulnerable? I guess and go, well, yeah, that's cool, Craig, great plan. But lots of people who live pretty healthy lifestyles die earlier than they'd intended because of a genetic thing, or an accident or a something. Right, So that's a possibility. So I've been thinking about what I want, you know,

the next twenty years. Who knows how many I have the next ten years. Like my intention is to like I'm just hopefully winding up my PhD now, to have my PhD next year, and to be able to you know, do some different things, and to keep growing business and the podcast and keep learning new things and keep helping people and keep being of value and service and keep having a life that's somewhat meaningful. But I think back about, you know, the people that we've had on the show,

like on this show that aren't around anymore. You know, we had my friend Nima who passed away last year, a pharmacist who came on a bunch of times and died and left behind two kids who were I can't even I think somewhere in the ballpark of like I don't even want to guess young younger than twelve, right, I don't want to rip Nema. And we had you know, Johnny Ruffo that we loved and he was and he

passed away. And we had a friend of mine called Simon Hammond who owned an advertising agency and he was on and he passed away. And then we had did I say, Danny Frawley Spud.

my parents. My dad's eighty six, he turned out other day, and you know it's like, I gotta be careful what I say. But things are not amazing. You know, things are not amazing, and you know it's like, oh cool, and then you go again, if this is self indulged in everyone, I apologize. I don't talk about this stuff publicly, but I'm going to today and then I think, ah,

so well, and nobody's fault. This is not there's no zero self pity in this, But I go, well, I don't have a wife or a partner, which is cool, that's how my life is. But I don't have brothers and sisters. So I have no siblings, and I have no nieces and no nephews. And then one day Ron and Mary won't be around, and then you're like oh,

and then no self pity, just curiosity. I'm like, oh, wonder what life is like when you literally have no family, like none, no brothers, no sisters, no kids, no parents. I mean, I have, you know, relatives, but I rarely see my relatives, and half my relatives, God bless them, I don't even know them, you know. And I go ge.

So that's why when you know we've spoken before about you know, life after work and retirement, and I think, because I love people, I need I need to have a purpose, like and so I'm thinking, you know, even now,

I'm thinking, you better get your shit together. You better keep your shit together, and also you better you better be a fucking good son for the next however long it is, like, because you know, Ron and Mary not doing any marathons or you know, entering the fucking Great Race on Channel ten anytime soon, or you know, it's like, okay, so it's just yeah, life just presents itself and you

just you just deal with that. Think when you think about it from the perspective of that, like, you know, what's sixty as a percentage of seventy five or sixty as percentage of eighty is seventy five, right, you go, so I'm seventy five percent through my life, maybe maybe a bit more, maybe a little bit less. But and then you think about, oh, which sounds wanky, what like,

will I be missed? Not in an egotistical way, but I think, ah, like because one of the I'll shut up after this and you tell me what you think. But I because I've never thought I'm particularly special, and I'm definitely not saying that so anyone, including you, will go, oh, you're this and that. I genuinely don't think that. And I also I'm very conscious that, like I always you know, I'm the one who goes, there's eight billion people in

the world. I'm not fucking outstanding on any level. Right, There's eight billion people and there's been I don't know how many more billion over you know, she managed is timeline, And then it kind of opens the door for me on you know, well, what if what if this isn't all there is? What if there is? You know? And then I think, am I thinking that because that's comforting? Or am I thinking that because I've actually had to peek into something bigger than you know, the three dimensional

reality of human existence? You know? So do you ever think about it?

what if what IF's bad? Something bad happens? Who's going to like, oh have I got or what about when I'm old? So for you, when you think of that, when you think of well, in ten fifteen years time, what emotions come up? Or where does that take you? Or what do you what do you explore or think about that?

you can't do any work. You can't you can't write anything, you can't talk to people in the way that you can't do. You just need to watch Netflix, go for some walks, and you know whatever, I would say, keep you a hundred million, I would die. I need stimulation, I need learning, I need interaction, I need socialization. But ironically, because I'm lived by myself and have forever, I also need time away from that. You know. But I'm like

I've spent a couple of times. I've spent weeks by myself, I mean in complete isolation, not talking to anyone, isolation. But that's about my limit. Like two weeks, I would probably go nuts by week three, Like I need, I need to talk someone. But I think to get away from your life and away from yourself in inverted commas for a while is a good thing, but too long it is probably not. Yeah, And I think I don't know I told you and I won't retell the story.

But my second MM who died six months ago, and sitting there with her in that moment, and it's just like just how you know, she had, you know, in real terms hours to live, maybe seventy two hours or something or and like sitting in that room with her, just there's a paradigm shift that you that I don't think, well,

I can't have if I'm not in that situation. There's a like a perspective that you get when you're sitting with someone that you love that is dying, that you can't have that perspective if you're not in that Well, I can't anyway, but I want to actually because I look back on that with profound gratitude and this intersection of both joy and sadness, but more joy than sadness.

You know that I had, I had that time, you know, And then I think about how much bullshit I do, and I think I'm probably not you know, I probably am not the biggest doer of bullshit, but I still think I waste time on shits and I bullshit myself, and you know, and I guess there's got to be that balance between purpose and fun and just you know, being.

But yeah, it's like I and then I talk to Nicky, my friend who's the dueler, the death dueler, who you know, who's been on the show a bunch, and she sits with people who are dying, and she says that being with people in the last hours of their life, for her, it's a blessing. She says, it's an absolute privilege, and that's her calling. Her calling is literally to help people, you know, move on or whatever we want to call it, but be there. And she describes it as beautiful. She says,

it's beautiful, it's amazing. And it's the thing that fucking terrifies most of us is being around someone who is super sick or dying or has just died. And it's like, I think that's maybe a cultural thing for us. I don't know, what do.

you know. It's like I care about people that I care about, And you know, I've said this before, and people think I'm being maybe some people think I'm being a bit negative, and I'm definitely for me, it's not an expression of negativity. But I think if you have five people in the world that love, I mean love love, love you, I don't mean conditionally support you or like you or if things are going great, they're there for you.

But I mean just I reckon you're batting above your average, you know, And so I think that, you know, that kind of write or die, which is an American expression, but that write or die love or connection or camaraderie, friendship whatever. I don't. I really don't have a lot of that in my life. And maybe I'm the problem. Maybe that's my fault, like I have lots of friends, but I do. Having said that, maybe I do have a few. You know, probably probably been my best mate forever,

and probably the crab because I saved his life. But you know, they're probably pretty loyal, you know, probably two's two might be too more than average. Who knows, But yeah, and I think about you and I chatted briefly before we press the record button about a funeral. Just tell me that little story because about I don't know if you can. You don't need to mention who it was.

have a significant moment to do that. And I just yeah, she's she mentioned's.

I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of people standing around saying what a great bloke I was, people that haven't seen me for ten years and really weren't in my life, and you know all that I'm like, eh, makes me feel a bit creepy or something. I don't know.

felt like a big thing to do. Anyway. He'd been sick for a while, obviously too sick to continue training for a while. And then I saw on LinkedIn through his company that he had passed and I got to go to the funeral and I always think of him. He had a set of boxing gloves on his coffin, like I always think of him. I have goosebumps right now, and I am so grateful that I happened to see the announcement of the funeral. And I would have been harp if I didn't.

where it is. It's true story, though, And he used to go to the train station every morning with his dad, who would go to work, and then every night and he'd just wait there and his dad would come home from work, and then they'd go home together, went to work one day, didn't come back. The dog stayed there for years until he died, and then they'd put up

a statue of the dog in the town. Like he wouldn't leave, Like he just stayed at the train station for like seven years or something, waiting for his dad to come back, or his owner, I call him his dad.

she would you know, she didn't make it. She had everything planned out, but she and after I had her on the show for conversation. We were talking about it. We're talking about the grief that she needed to process for years of her life, that kind of she was on hold waiting for these misdiagnoses. And I'm like, the funny thing is we're sitting here having it. Not funny, but we're having this conversation and people would do this all over the world, and we're because of something that

you have gone through. Like I could be sitting there with stage four cancer I don't know about and I could be dead in two months, but we just don't know, and we yeah, that's morbid.

So we used to train together. He used to train at one of the gyms that I managed when I was younger, and we've stayed in touch and he's a real blokey bloke bloke right, So he's a builder, but about he was one of the oldest guys to get into the fire brigade as well, so I think he became a fiery when he was like forty three or four. But he's like this elite athlete and so he's been in he's probably fifty seven now. He's probably been a fiery for like fifteen years and still does building and

all of that shit. Bloke manny man man And anyway, I saw him at the cafe the other day. I was just doing my thing and he sits down. He goes, oh, you meeting anyone. I go nuh. He goes oh cool. So we just sit there and we talk and we're talking about for now, and he goes, I will have to catch up one night for some food, like you and me catch up food. I'm like, of course that'd be great. And he goes, yeah, well you know, let's talk. And I go sure. I go, well, how's next week

and he goes, ah, nah, next week's no good. I go all right. He goes, no, I got to go. I got to go get a thing done. I go, and I'm like I'm curious. I go, I've got to go get a thing done. All right, that's such a fucking dean thing to say, what are you doing, Deani? Are you getting your nails clipped? Are you're getting gromets in your ears? Are you getting your nasal hairs plucked? Like? What is going on? He goes, oh, I just got to go to hospital for a bit. I go, yeah, cool,

what for? He goes, oh, I'm getting the kidney removed. I'm like, well, you could have led with that. That could have been the headline kind of conversation topic. And he goes, I go, you're getting a kidney removed? Like this dude doesn't drink much, doesn't smoke, supremely fit. I go, why are you getting a kidney removed? He goes cancer? He goes all right though, and I'm like, it's just so funny anyway. So it's it's well, you know, but he's got kidney cancer. But he's like, oh, it's contained.

They're pretty sure it's contained. And I'm like, fuck now, you know, it's so funny and not saying anyone's good or anyone's bad, but the way that some people and he wasn't in denial. He wasn't, I mean, he just wasn't legitimately wasn't worried about it. I go, are you worried? He goes, nah, nah. I'm like what why not? And he's like what can you do? He goes, well, they'll fix it. It's like, you know, it'll be a right.

I'm like, yeah, it will be all right. But yeah, just that where I'm that always amazes me, Like the human condition and the way that we respond and the way that you know, we tell ourselves stories and the you know, the the pause between or the gap between stimulus and response, like the stimulus in this case being hey you've got kidney cancer, we need to take your kidney out. Response all right? When you know it's like that's that's something that most people would not do.

going fucking hell. This is the fuck? And can you tell a dick joke? God's sake?

a particular faith. I just don't like the certainty that I had I don't have. But it's not to say

I have no faith, you know. And it's like the intersection of knowledge and awareness and science and critical thinking and faith is an interesting intersection because you're literally saying, I'm open to the idea that this thing that is based on this scripture or that scripture, whichever book you're talking about, whichever religious text you subscribe to that talks about the afterlife or what happens when you die, you're

opening yourself to that. And I think it's you know, it's it's a challenge because you don't want to be uh, what's the word like? You don't want to be naive and gullible, right. You still want to think critically, You still want to choose your beliefs, You still want to choose your faith, but also as somebody who is really curious and has a real life built around learning, I'm well aware that I, of all there is to know,

I don't know anything. Like of all there is to know, I'm I am truly convinced I don't know one percent of it, and trying to understand what is beyond what I can understand, trying to comprehend, you know, like we talk about knowing an intelligence and awareness, like we have a monopoly on all there is to know about what the fuck exists in the universe. We don't know. We just know what we know, and even then we get

most of that wrong eventually. So yeah, I And also you know, so many people who have in inverted commas had and what they call an NDA near death experience who a lot of people say, like really really really similar stuff, and you're like, I don't know, I don't know.

Maybe that's just you know, chemicals flooding the brain as you're being deprived of oxygen and dying and you have the best hallucinations of all time, or I don't know, I don't know, but we had I can't remember his name, I should, but a guy who literally had who was

a neurosurgeon. I think he was a neurosurgeon who himself died, and he was an absolute atheist and non believer, and now he's fully convinced that that there's life after death, you know, one hundred percent, and he was one hundred percent the other way before his NDE.

then find faith or find something. Yes, it was always there, they just didn't need it.

you know what I mean. It's like the joker, you know in cards. Yeah, I don't know. To me, that seems I don't know, there's just something my intuition or

whatever it is. I feel like just going. You know, there's and there's scriptures in the Bible that you know like that that some people hold on to that And it's almost like, and I know this because I've done this where you go, oh, I can do all this sinning and then I've just got to say this prayer and it's a spiritual get out of jail card, you know, because essentially the Bible teachers, I don't know what the other you know, text teach, but the New Testament anyway,

not the Old Testament, but the New Testament teaches that you're saved by faith, not by works. In other words, faith in believing, and it says he who is faithful and just, or who is basically whoever confesses their sins will be saved, right, irrespective of kind of what you've done. And there's an illustration of that when Jesus on the cross at Calvary. He's up there with two criminals. So he's in the middle and there's a criminal either side

of him, and one of him. One of them asks Jesus for forgiveness as the story goes, as the parable goes, and he's been not a great guy his whole life, and he turns to him forgives him and says, you'll be in paradise with me today, right, and so like that's the and that's one of the interesting things about what Christians call salvation. You can't earn it, yeah, Like

it's it's a gift. Yeah. Like there's so the salvation scripture, which is sorry, everyone, feel free to zone out, but the Christians cling to is called John three point sixteen. So Matthew Mark Luke John the fourth Gospel at the start of the New Testament, as New Testament starts with four Gospels, which is four different accounts of Jesus' life

by four different apostles. Right, So Matthew Mark Luke John, and John three point sixteen says, for God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, that's it, would not perish but have eternal life. Whosoever believes that's it. It's not whosoever believed. It's not whosoever does all this great stuff or ticks all these boxes, or you know, goes and works with the s or you know, it's just whosoever believes will

not perish, you know. And so, and I think there's much more to it than that, but that is that is the most famous scripture in christiandom. And you know they hang their hat on that a lot. Yeah, So it's and again it's all like what do you know? You go, well, that's just what I was raised in. If I was born in another country and my parents were Muslim, I'd be quoting the is it the Quran? Yeah, the Quran? To you you know, it's like if I was a Buddhist, I'd be quoting the Buddha. You know.

It's like, it's just this is what, this is what you know, and you become what you've grown up in, or you become a version of that. So, wow, how do we end up here? How did I end up explaining? First the first ball books of the Bible, from Death to Salvation. That's it. Well they might go closely together. Who knows why. It's been fun and for everyone who's now a little bit sad. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'd love

to hear your thoughts around this. Everyone. So new project you know podcast Facebook by the way, just out of and probably there's two people listening. But a whole bunch of new dates of new exciting events coming up, which is going to be launched soon. We've got a new mentoring group coming up at the end of this month. But we've got some which if you want to be involved in that. It's eight weeks. The new mentoring group got to my paid my website Craig Garba dot ned

to have a look at that. But maybe more importantly, we've got some face to face humans in an actual room and we go on all around Australia and then the end of the year we're doing We're doing a bloody retreat. We're doing a bloody retreat. I can't tell you where it is, but I will say it's very fucking morm and sunny. I can't tell you where it is may rhyme with beans land may but I can't because militia will shoot me.