#1929 Finding Your Purpose - Harps

our kind of north star? Do we default to our purpose to figure out what we should do and not do and what decisions we should make, an action we should take, and how we should respond. And this is a conversation, just the broad purpose conversation I've been having with people for a long time, people that are training with me or being mentored or coached by me, but also you know, people that have helped me along the way, and also just you know friends and family where we

just talk about stuff. So what I'm about to share with you is definitely not, you know, the final word on purpose, but it's my thoughts on it. It's my thoughts on it based on you know, my research and my work and my interactions and my journey and my personal you know fuck ups and failures and breakthroughs and breakdowns, and my own soul searching and my own kind of you know, journey that has taken me far and wide

and out of that. I've got a bit of an idea about for me what purpose is, so we might start there. And obviously this is just my thoughts. So for me, purpose is purpose is My purpose is? Well, it can be found at the what's the right term, I don't know, at the intersection maybe of where my beliefs and values and goals I should probably write nights and passion and connection and contribution and meaning and growth and pain and joy. It's where all that stuff kind

of intersects. It's not always fun like out finding our purpose, being aligned to our purpose, operating within the parameters of our purpose, and trying to live our purpose in the middle of trials and tribulations and tricky situations and peaks and troughs and emotions and tough relationships and good days and bad days and physical mental emotional challenges, and trying to live our purpose in the middle of all of that.

Whatever our purpose is can be a challenge, and I think one of my early questions was, what is it even like this idea of, you know, when you find your kind of I think the story that I grew up with and maybe you grew up with is that when you find your purpose, well, your life will be better and then you'll know how to live because you'll live a life of purpose and a life of choices and behaviors and lifestyle and relationships and all of those

things aligned to that purpose that you somehow figure out what that is. But one, how do we figure out what it is? Two? Is it one thing? Like? Do you only have a purpose? Yes? My purpose is to help people get in shape. Okay, well, surely there's more to you, Craig than that. Maybe that was one of your purposes. Maybe we have a bunch of not a

single purpose. But maybe maybe the overarching purpose for me might be in this little example that I am valuable to others, that I am at the service of others. Maybe that's my purpose. And by the way, of course, I do a lot of things in my life which don't fall under the banner of you know, living in purpose. That might be I'm you know, it might be I'm going to the gym or I'm riding my motorbike, and I ain't part of my purpose. It's just shit that I do. But if I go, well, what is my

compelling force? What is the thing that really drives me to learn and grow and evolve and to serve? What does that look like? And so for me, you know that part of my purpose at the very least is serving others and learning and teaching, and I guess, I guess helping people to understand their own potential. And that's something that I've really been what's the word, not frustrated, but almost frustrated with almost anxious, not anxious, sad about

with people where I see people's potential. I see people's capacity to do great things often when they don't see it. And you know, so often especially when I'm for example, doing a mentoring group, like I'm in the well, I'm not in the middle. I'm week nine. I finished week nine of ten weeks last night with a group that I'm with and they're great and we have a good time. And you know, essentially in a mentoring group, there's there's some interaction, there's some Q and A, there's some back

and forth. But a lot of it is me sharing thoughts and ideas and strategies and messages and downloading hopefully a bit of inspiration and information and education. But ultimately, what I am giving them all I can give them on an interactive zoom call to people all around Australia and around the world. All I can share is the

theory of whatever it is we're talking about. All I can do is provide the theory of you know, food or exercise, or lifestyle, or self management or self awareness or self regulation or building a business, or overcoming addiction, or being the calm and the chaos equanimity, or all of these great things that we talk about, you know,

creating change, creating positive and lasting change. You know, reprogramming our mind, creating a new normal and new default setting, and you know who we want to become and our reason and our drivers and all of those things. Right, And I'm constantly doing what I'm doing now, which is I'm talking to someone or someone's But my frustration, on my my angst lies in how do I actually get

people too? And I know I can't, but how do I talk in a way, How do I anyway even in this moment, how do I share these thoughts and ideas around purpose that's going to be valuable to people, to you the listener, and then more importantly, perhaps not only how do I make it valuable and how do I make it relevant and meaningful and understandable, but how do I increase the chances of you doing something with

the theory that you hear right now? And so that's, you know, that's one of my ever present thoughts is how do I get people to lean into their own ability, to be courageous, be brave, step out of the little safety in it that they live in or the little box that they live in, and try new things and do new things and fall down and get back up and be okay and get embarrassed and all of that stuff that's part of the human experience. And so I'm always thinking about how do I help others find their

purpose and live purpose? And I guess their purpose and I guess, you know, part of my purpose is to help others live their purpose. That's interesting, isn't it. I just thought that now as I'm going so, and I think another question is, and forgive me if I'm rambling, but is my purpose the same forever or is the thing that drives me, my north star, my internal sat nab, my reasons, whatever, whatever that all kind of intermingles with purpose. Is that the same when I'm twenty five or thirty five?

Does it evolve? Does it change? Is the thing that was really could it be that the thing that was really important to me to do, to be, to create, to live when I was thirty that at sixty one that's not the same anymore? And is that bad? Or is that just an evolution or is it something else? And my suggestion is that for most of us, our purpose, our reason, our primary driver will evolve over time. It won't be the same necessarily, and that's not good or bad.

But many things, most things, I would think, within the context of the human experience, are fluid, They are dynamic, They evolve, they change, and as you change, as you learn it and grow and evolve and become more self aware and open new doors and have greater understanding and greater insight and greater resilience, and you learn new things, and you have perhaps a different focus and a different kind of lens through which you view the world, and

you've had new experiences and new encounters and different moments. Maybe maybe in the middle of all of that, your purpose is evolving, if not completely transforming. Maybe the thing that was really important to you twenty years ago is completely unimportant now. Maybe your focus, maybe your reason for being, maybe your purpose is completely changed. Maybe it's come out

of an experience you had, Maybe you've seen something. Maybe you've been in the middle of a situation, a circumstance, an event happening that you had a revelation, and in the middle of that experience, in the middle of that thing, you realize that you wanted to do something about that. Maybe you had a bad experience, and maybe you don't want to have that bad experience again, and maybe you

want to help others not have that bad experience. And in the middle of all of that, some passion grew, some awareness grew, some inspiration and motivation grew, and this became your new focus. This became your new reason, This became your focus. But ten years ago, you hadn't yet had that experience, you hadn't yet had that revelation. I think, like many things, you know, purpose is something that is cultivated and grows and evolves, and it's kind of sometimes

you know, sometimes there might be a lightning bolt. I don't think often. I think I think people think they're going to, you know, they're going to find their purpose one day, like they're going to find their car keys. It's like, in a moment, what here it is found? It's over here. It's just it's just down here next to my coffee cup. Here's my purpose, you know. And look, maybe people do that, not in my experience, not with the people that I've worked with. I think that it's

something that almost reveals itself. It kind of finds you, It reveals itself over time. And I think in general terms, purposes something that expands beyond the self. In the middle of your life, it's bigger than you, it's bigger than me. It's not about you necessarily. That doesn't mean that you don't benefit from it, or that you can't at all be looking after you. It doesn't mean that, of course, it doesn't mean that. But I think for most people it's you know, when we talk about the role of

surface service, that purpose often expands beyond self interest. And I think I think we also confuse, you know, things, certain things with purpose, like career purpose. I would argue that that career does not equal purpose. I would argue that career is a vehicle to perhaps live your purpose, that your career could be a vehicle and purpose is the destination. A career can help you express your purpose or it can completely derail you from your purpose, depending

on what it is. I think also, especially in the days of you know, social media and podcasts and Instagram and all the things you know, is that people if you look at how some people live, you would think that their purpose was to become more and more popular. Wherein truth and by the way, being popular, not that being popular is a bad thing, but I don't know that popularity is the idea that popularity equals purpose. I don't think that's a healthy idea. I don't think that

ends well. So perhaps popularity is a metric, and perhaps purpose is a mission chasing validation about being liked and versus living on purpose is a out being aligned. I think also some people I reckon I was going to say I was one of I don't think I was. I think I was close to this, and that is money being our purpose, Like my purpose is to make money. Nothing wrong with making money, nothing wrong with being incredibly wealthy, building a brand, building a business. Having all more dough

than you can spend, knock yourself out. Nothing bad about that. But for me, money is a resource, not a reason. You know, money is a tool. Purpose is a truth. Money can fund your mission, but it can't be your mission. I'm going to say that again. Money can fund your mission, but it probably shouldn't be your mission. It can be a resource to help you do awesome stuff, to serve others, to create change, to be of value, to get the needle moving on the things you want to move the

needle on. So it can be a valuable resource, but it's probably not a reason for your existence. And we've seen time and time again with people whose identity is completely intertwined with their wealth. Well, that never ends well because they never get to a number where the number is satisfactory. Oh I've got two billion. I'm done. I'm happy, I'm content, I'm fulfilled. I'm financially set, and I'm spiritually and emotionally and socially and physically. I'm set. I'm good.

I got to the number. All I wanted was two billion, All I wanted was two million, All I wanted was two hundred grand. Whatever the number is, I'm at the number, and now I'm good because money is not purpose. Money is a tool, money is a resource, and maybe maybe part of your mission is to create lots and lots and lots of dough so you can help lots and lots of people. And I'm not trying to sound judge you here, and as I'm saying, I'm thinking, maybe it

does sound a bit judge. I don't think there's anything wrong with making lots of money. I make reasonable money. I get paid quite well for my corporate speaking all of those things, and I'm very grateful. But in the middle of all of that, I realize what it is and what it isn't and what money is for me, And I think what money probably should be for most of us is something that we can use to do good, do good for ourselves, or do good for others. That's

just my slightly moralistic take on money. Do with what you will. And I think the last one, so we've got career, money, popularity. The last one on the you know kind of purpose, fake purpose kind of list is comfort And you know, comfort is a state and purpose is a compass. Like we don't find perp in the

comfort zone generally. Again, nothing wrong with being comfortable. But when our mission in life is to take the easy path, when our reason for choosing anything is because it's the most comfortable route, very very likely that we're going to be fulfilled, that we're going to grow, that we're going to evolve, that we're going to become a better version of us. And back to the matter of how do we find or identify or cultivate our purpose. I think this is a weird saying, but I think the clues

are in the pain. I think the clues are in the pain. Think about, like what breaks your heart, think about what upsets you, think about what pisces you off, What do you want to fight for? What do you want to fix? As I said before, you know, purpose often grows from or a rises out of adversity or deep emotion. And as I intimated before, for me, it's painful watching people suffer that I know don't need to suffer. I know they've got the potential to rise above that,

to do better, create better, produce better. People that I see who are wasting their body, they're wasting their genetics because they're doing bad, self destructive things to their body. And I'm not being judgmental I'm being compassionate. I don't care what they look like or what they weigh. There's no judgment in terms of you know, aesthetics or anything like. It's only about I want you to have a healthy

body to live in for as long as possible. And I'm watching you and I'm seeing you destroy your body with bad behaviors and bad choices, and it makes me sad because I know that you can be healthy and amazing and so too, you know, with other habits and other you know, people who have talked themselves into a corner where they have convinced themselves that they're useless, that they're hopeless, that they are inept, that they are unlovable,

that they are untalented, that they don't have the potential to create something special. And I see more potential in them than they've ever seen. I see more in five seconds than they've seen in themselves in five decades sometimes. And so for me that you know, the clues are in the pain. That's where part of it came from. For me, for being the fat kid, the kid that was picked last, all those boring Craig Harper stories, all of that bullshit, right, But at the same time, that

bullshit was real. That bullshit was painful, It was uncomfortable, it was emotional, you know, falling down and failing and being embarrassed and humiliated and all of that kind of you know, marginalized somewhat at times, all of that shit, which is part of the human experience, of course, but for me, that really compelled me to one do better for myself and then off the back of that, help

others do better also. So all right, heading towards the end, I want to weave in a couple of kind of psychological and vaguely research based well not vaguely research psychology threads,

not high level science. But you know, one of my favorite authors was Victor Frankel, who of course wrote Man's Search for Meaning and also developed logo therapy, form of kind of existential psychology, psychotherapy based on the based on the idea that the primary human driver is not as much pleasure or power, but meaning, and so he was

all about this purpose and meaning. Victor Frankel, of course, he was a survivor of being a prisoner of war in the Second World War, and he was an Austrian psychiatrist. But one of his famous quotes was those who have a why to live can bear almost any how. Those who have a why, a reason, a driver, a purpose, I'm adding in some Craig words, to live can bear almost any how. And he did that. He was one of the few people that survived the most horrendous, heinous, horrible,

inhumane conditions. And then you know, in the middle of I can't remember if he said this or I just thought he said this, but I'm pretty sure he said they can something like they can take everything from me, but they can't take my mind. And I love that. I love that. I love that, as hard as it is, sometimes we still get to manage what goes on in our head. Ain't always easy, of course. And I also love a concept called icky guy, which is ikey guy spelled I k i g ai ikey guy, which is

a Japanese concept. And in this concept, it's really the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for. And I love that because that's where for me, I think that sentence, and I'm very grateful because it took me a very long time that that concept, that word, that term iky guy, that's almost representative of my life now. It wasn't for a long time. But I'll just say again, I'll just share it with you again. So ikey guy.

That the Japanese term for essentially what it means is it is the intersection of what you love, what you're passionate about, what you're good at doing, what you excel at, what the world needs, as in what people need, what you're bringing to the world, remember, a purpose bigger than you and something you can make a few bucks from.

It exactly describes part of my life anyway. Number three on my little list here that I've got is self determination theory, which is autonomy, competence, and relatedness are essential psychological needs. I'll say him again. Autonomy, competence, and relatedness are all essential psychological needs, and they often correlate with purpose. Is you figuring out who you are, who you want to be, what you want to connect with, what your

reason is. And in the middle of all of that sometimes we find clarity about why we're here or our ideas about why we're here and what we're going to do and who we're going to be or who we want to be moving forward and building creating I guess a purpose driven life an aligned life, a life and an operating system, a way of being, an existence that is reflective of you know, our values, our faith, our beliefs, the things that matter to us, the things we want

to do, be create, change, our goals. And the last one I want to share with you is a little bit of a red herring compared to the rest, a little bit of an outlier. It's interesting though, And so there's been research looking at the correlation between or the relationship between life satisfaction. So you would think a person living their purpose would have a high level of satisfaction. So we might tie those in purpose, life satisfaction, and

mortality and mortality studies, I should say. And so what we know is that purpose correlates with living our purpose, having a clearly defined purpose, executing that living in the middle of it correlates with reduced risk of Alzheimer's, of cardiovascular disease, and of depression. So living a purpose filled or purpose driven life is literally good for our health. Alrighty, So let me finish with four questions that just simple questions to think about that might help you find a

little bit of clarity. Questions that I've asked myself and I ask others about this. So question one is this, if you weren't worried about money failure or judgment, what would you do more of? If you weren't worried about money failure or the judgment of others, what would you do more of? Question two, what's something that you do that energizes you but drains others? What's something that you can do that energizes you but drains others? And also

I would suspect in the energizing gives you joy. I guess for me, I was thinking about that what energizes like, what energizes me is talking to an audience. And it's so funny that sometimes I can talk for three hours

and I come away from that. I might get on stage at nine o'clock and finish at twelve or twelve thirty, and we've had a small break, but essentially I've been speaking for three hours, and I literally have better energy at lunchtime than I did at breakfast time, despite the fact that I've been doing something which for many people would be overwhelmingly terrorizing and also energetically very expensive, And

I'm super grateful for that. So question number three is what advice do people always come to you for like, what do people need help with that come to see you? What are you the person where people go, ah, really need to help with this, or they know that you are good at advising or helping or being of value with a certain thing. You may or may not find your purpose in the proximity of that. And my last question for you is what's the thing that you would

regret not doing? What's the thing that you would regret not doing? And so you know, here's the thing with this stuff, like if you're waiting for you know, some kind of lightning bolt or burning bush moment or dove on the windowsill sent by God, probably not going to happen. I think that more likely for us to find our purpose and to start to move into that and to live aligned with our purpose. It's about it's about asking questions of others and of ourselves, of trying new things.

And I think sometimes over time we'll find clarity and awareness and joy and will realize Oh, and sometimes it's a really slow burn. And also, as I said earlier, sometimes it isn't now what it was then. There was a time where a big part of my purpose was helping people get in shape physically that was a big part of my purpose, and that did intersect with making a few bucks and having fun, but also at the same time helping people who needed physical help to do

good things to their body. For me, for a very long time, that was a big part of who I was, or my purpose at the very least, But these days not so much. And it's not that that's a bad thing or a bad purpose. It's just that I've changed. And so my value and my value to others and my capacity need to help others in different ways has evolved. And now you know, yeah, I still talk to people about their body, of course, but I talk to I'm more interested in the person, the totality of the person,

than the body that they live in. And so that might be mind stuff or body stuff, or emotional stuff, or career stuff or internal you know, non physical stuff, or the external practical, three dimensional we can all see it stuff. But either way, I'm helping. I'm passionate about helping you. I'm helping. I'm passionate about helping people become the version of themselves that aligns with their values and

their purpose. And I guess also the version of themselves that incorporates a level of calm and contentment and joy. I probably should have thought about this more before I open my mouth at the start of this, but again, like I said at the start, this is me riffing. I hope you got something from that, and I hope you're great. See you next time.