I got our team. Hope you're bloody terrific. Have you ever had a friend and you got to the point with that friend, with that friendship, and you thought, yeah, this doesn't feel much like a friendship, or this feels this, this feels somewhat toxic. I'm not feeling the love, I'm not feeling the kindness. I'm it's a little bit one way. I don't know that this is healthy. You know, it's like they call themselves a friend, but everything else is almost the up, like the there's the label, but there's
not really the behavior. There's not the expression, there's not the connection, there's not the love, there's not the kindness, there's not the support, and it's almost like, yes, we kind of know each other well, and it might be because we grew up together, or because we work in the same joint together, or it might be just the situation, circumstance environment that you happen to know that person quite well, so therefore you we're friends. But then I don't know.
I feel like with friendship there needs to be certain criteria that are met, and there are certain things that might happen. There might be certain things happening in a in inverted commas friendship that to me would say that's probably either not a friendship, it's just a person you know, or it's a friendship that's in need of work, or perhaps it's a completely toxic, unhealthy relationship masquerading as a friendship. And I've had a lot of people over the years.
I have, by the way, I have some great fucking friends. I have friends that are awesome and beautiful and love me and you know, support me and care about me and also tell me I'm a dickhead if I'm being a dickhead, but done the right way the right time, with the right energy. So I get all of that. But I've also had people over my journey, as have you.
I am sure, who would present themselves as friends, but when my value to them expired, when I was no longer valuable to them in a way that I had previously been they'd gotten everything they need, they would disappear. So there's the persona, the friend persona, and then there's the person behind the bullshit, and sometimes there's a bit of bullshit. And if I'm being completely self aware and vulnerable and honest, I guess I have also not been a brilliant friend to people at times that has never
been my intention. But I am sure that if I did a deep dive and a deep reflection, that I would discover that I had been a shit friend at times. Two. So I think when we're doing reflection and we're talking about problems in our life and we're talking about relationships and interpersonal things, I think it's also good to ask have I done this? Do I do this? Am I part of the problem or what part of the problem
am I? So there are some what I would say red flags that I want to share with you that might indicate that it might be time either to talk to a person, to walk away from a person, to try to fix a friendship, or perhaps dissolve a friendship. And I don't think that this needs to be a melo dramatic life changing event. I don't think it needs
to be painful and horrible or confrontational. I just think that we need to think about I just think that we need to think about I just think that we need to think about where and in whom and how
we invest our time and energy. Now that's not to say that relationships need to be strategic, of course, but I do think we need to apart from the emotion and the emotional connection, we also need to have an awareness around whether or not this particular relationship or this particular person is healthy for me, or they add value to my life. I try to add value to all of my friends' lives. I don't always do it, but I really try to. And of course it's not like
they're an asset that we've brought into the situation. But at the same time, if it's a very very lopsided relationship, if it's a one way friendship, if it's a one way relationship, then I would say that's not a friendship. I would say, if you associate more negative than positive emotions with a person, then you might go, oh, this, I don't know. Maybe this technically is a friendship, but experiential it feels like dogshit. Experientially it feels like dogshit.
So you know, that's up to you to figure out. But if you are, for example, regularly given feedback or judgment or direction or coercion that you haven't sought from somebody, If somebody's telling you what you should do and why and how, and you didn't seek that out, you didn't you didn't want advice you didn't want judgment or feedback.
You haven't sought that. But that's a constant occurrence. Also a red flag if the relationship, the friendship is driven by one person, like, for example, you work really hard, you're really kind, you're really thoughtful. You always ring them how are you? Are you okay? How's your dad? How's your kids? What's going on? Can I do anything for you? Your kind and you're generous and you're thoughtful, But that's a one way kind of transaction. Then also, you know,
don't compromise yourself that way. It's nice to be nice, it's nice to be generous and kind and supportive, and we don't do things to get something back. But if we are genuinely thinking, well, this is a relationship, that is a friendship, then there needs to be a little bit of something in return. Otherwise that person's not a friend. They're just a project that you're investing time and energy in.
And if you're cool with that, and you're cool with the dynamics of that, then identify it for what it is. But that one way kind of love and connection and kindness and support one way, that's not friendship. Also, when somebody has an opinion or an idea or a belief that they are always ramming down your throat and they want you to think like them, to be like them,
to share their beliefs and ideas and values. And if you don't listen to them, and if you don't align with them, and you don't believe or live or eat or whatever it is. In other words, if their operating system is not your operating system, or they're thinking is not your thinking, there's a problem. You need to be like me. I can't believe you don't support me in this. Again,
bullshit not friendship. In fact, if you only have friends who think like you, if you only have friends who are basically another version of you, you're in a cult. You're in a cult of thoughts and a cult of behavior. Diversity is great, and if you can't connect with other people who don't necessarily share the same kind of ideas or behaviors or habits as you, that's definitely something to
think about. I think we need diversity. I mean, you're going to connect with who you connect with, of course, but when people our friends need to meet a certain criteria. In other words, you know, you need to be kind of a version of me to be my friend. Well, then whether or not that's coming from you or coming
from them, that's a problem. Also, I guess when you are an emotional dumping ground from people for people or a friend of convenience, When you only hear from people when they need or want something, they appear and disappear on planet you when it suits them. There are people that I know and I by the way, I don't dislike these people. I just wouldn't call them close friends. But there's I'm thinking to someone right now, and there's a fair chance you know this person because this person
has a profile. But anyway, this person and five or ten others, I only hear from these people when they need something from me. There's a bunch of people that I know pretty well. Don't dislike them, but they're not friends. They're just people I know pretty well. But they would tell others that I'm their friend because that suits them
at times. And also they'll reach out to me when they need something, but they will never reach out to see if I need anything, and I'm good, I don't need anything, but it'd be nice again if it wasn't the one way thing. I guess. Also, you know red flags when your life or your welfare or happiness is you know, not really of any interest to them. They
don't even really know. I worked with a guy I can't say too much, but for quite a while, what like years, in a capacity I can't say too much, but it's fair to know that I know a lot about this person, a real lot, because we had rock bottom hundreds of conversations about him and his stuff. This guy wouldn't even know if I was married. That's how little interest he took in me and my life every time. But he would tell people we're friends, and it's I'm
okay with that, but we're not friends. He's just a guy that I know well. He doesn't love me, he doesn't care about me, he doesn't support me, and that's okay too. There's no self pity here. But I think it's just really important that we clarify what is friendship and also what am I investing my time and energy in? And who am I investing my time and energy in?
And is this And if I'm investing time and energy in people where there's nothing in it for me in inverted commas, that's totally fine, and I choose to do that. That's totally fine. But I think that I think that we all need people in our life who are genuine friends. I think if you have three or four fucking amazing friends, then you're doing great. I think that you know, when a friendship is conditional based upon your value to the
other person, that's not great. But when you when you have somebody on planet you and if it's one person, unfortunate. I have a few amazing friends who just fucking love me. I don't know why they do, but I'm glad they do. They support me. Would matter what my job was, wouldn't matter. You know that if I was a moro on they would tell me that. If I was doing bad shit, they would tell me that. But for the most part,
these are unconditional friendships. So know when to unfriend my friends better to make the decision, Like I said, doesn't need to be a big melodramatic moment, doesn't need to be a big kind of confrontation or anything. But sometimes it just means stepping away quietly and you know, utilizing your time and your energy and your love in a different way. See you next time.