I'll get a team just quickly. It's Christmas Day. Well, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out, it's Christmas Day. I know that that is a day that kind of creates or anlics. It's a broad cross section of feelings and experiences and interactions and behaviors and emotions, and all I can say is that I hope you have whatever you do, whoever you do it with, wherever you're at, I hope it's somewhere between
okay and amazing for you. Towards the amazing end of the scale would be great, but we know that that's not always the case for everyone. Nonetheless, I'm sending you love and energy, and I hope you have a good day and in the middle of it all you find something to celebrate. Today, I want to talk to you about the habit that many of us have of trying
to press people. Now trying to impress people. We can kind of do that in a healthy way, and you know, we want the boss to be happy with us or that other person, or we want them to like us or approve of us. And to a level, I think that's okay as long as we're being authentic and us. But the trying to impress people I am talking about is when we are essentially going out of our way to create an impression that is not authentically us, where
it's almost like we are role playing. It's like we are acting a part because we want people to see us in a certain way and to think that that we are perhaps something that we're not. And we do that, and I've done that, You've done that, We've all done it. But we do that because on some level we don't think we are enough. So we've got to be more. We've got to put a bit of mayo on top. We're insecure. We don't think that we will fit in or that we will get your approval or the other
person's approval or what it is. So one of the things that I do is, on a reasonably regular basis, I sit with somebody that might come to see me
for a meeting or for whatever. I don't do many consults these days, but somebody who not that I'm a big deal on any means, but somebody that they know who I am and they've followed me or read me or seen me, and now they're sitting down with me for the first time, and as is often the way, when somebody sits or sits with or meets somebody for the first time who they respect, to like or look up to. Often I'll have somebody sitting across from me who I can tell they are trying to impress me.
I can tell that. And it's not because they're a bad person, and it's not a bad motive, is it. But the problem is when you are trying to impress somebody, you are trying to create an image or an impression or an experience that is not actually you, just being you. And the problem with creating an impression or role playing or you know, presenting a persona rather than being the
person is that eventually that comes undone. And by the way, when you're trying to impress people, now I'm talking about in that over the top, incensey role playing way, not just trying to be a good person to do your job well, so you know the boss likes you, or the people that you're with you know, care about you or connect with you. I'm talking about in this over the top trying to create this this impression that that is inauthentic. But when you do that, we know what's
going on. I know what's going on. I've had say to lots of people in a sensitive way. You know, I don't say exactly this, but i'll kind of say, you know, you can drop the whatever. It's all okay. I like you. You don't need to You're good enough. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad we're talking. You know, Let's get through the kind of show. Let's get down to you as quick as possible, and then we can
deal with what we need to deal with. Because sometimes when people are nervous, or sometimes when people feel insecure, and I have been this, I've done the thing that I'm telling you not to do, or the thing that I'm perhaps opening the door on for you to think about. I've done it. Have I been insecure? Have I been nervous? Have I tried to impress people? Have I Have I tried to create a persona that was more acceptable and palatable and likable and impressive. Of course I have, of
course I have. But it ain't the go and it screams of insecurity and self doubt. So what to do? So the thing to do for me, the thing to do is be you be authentically, you be honest, be genuine. The more real you are with people, the more authentic you are. When when people talk to me about their stuff, they're not trying to impress me. They're just trying to just deal with stuff, acknowledge the good and bad, their flaws,
their strengths, their issues and challenges. For me, that's more impressive because it's authentic and it's real, and there's no show. There's no show. You know, what's interesting is for me, I learned this the hard way because I was so insecure when I was young, and I had so many issues and you know, I still have issues. Everyone has issues, but I had so many issues around, you know, self worth and body image and body dysmorphia and all my
eating bullshits, and because I didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel good enough, because I was the morbidly obese kid who who wasn't a good academic, who wasn't a good athlete, who wasn't a social superstar, and because of that, and that was nobody's fault. Nobody did anything wrong, per se.
It was just my experience. But the result of a combination of things was that I was insecure, that I felt not good enough, not worthy enough, not pretty enough, handsome enough, athletic enough, lean enough, all of these things. And one of the many byproducts of that was me trying to impress people. And guess what, when you try to impress people in the way that I'm talking about,
it does the opposite. It does the opposite. And when you are trying to be something that you're not, to create this persona as I said before, people know what's going on. And ironically and almost counter intuitively, when you drop all of that and you talk to people in a real way when it's appropriate and when it's you know, right time, right place, right conversation, you don't just have to rock up and go, Hi, I'm Craig. I'm insecure.
Lots of issues now, I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about when it's appropriate, when that that is you know where you're at in that relationship or that conversation. Guess what people lean in not a way. People tend to have more respect, not less. People tend to engage rather than disengage. People tend to believe you more when you are more real and down to earth and not trying to be impressive, but rather being who you are, the good, the bad, the messy. The amazing they not
so amazing, you know. I believe one of the reasons that the U Project has done really well A part of that, not all of that, part of that, A big part of that has been the amazing guests and production and Melissa and Tiff who work on the show and all of that. But a big part of it has been because of the authenticity of the conversations where it's just, you know, I'm happy to put up my hand and say, Okay, I'm not bad at this. I'm
pretty good at that. I'm terrible at that. I need to improve it that here's what I overthink, here's what I'm insecure about, you know, and I'm working on all of it. And it's that that being you. You know, what's that saying? Be you and see who hangs around. I think it really matters. So let's go to a break, let's hear from a sponsor. I'll be back in a minute to wind it up. Alrighty, and we're back. So the question for today is, let's do a couple. Number
one would be who's approval? Do I need to stop seeking? Is there a person in your life that you're always trying to get their approval and ironically you never get it. Well, maybe when you stop trying, maybe when you don't do that anymore, maybe that will turn around a little bit. And the second question is what are the things that I need to focus on, that I need to give my attention to, the questions that I need to ask, and the things that I need to acknowledge so that
I can just be authentically me. There's two questions to get you going for today, Lovey guts, enjoy day evening. Whenever you listen to this, see you next time.