#1730 The Confessional - Harps & Tiff

to myself. The only reason I will is just to basically critique whether or not it as a show, or whether or not you know, what I can do better and what I'm doing that needs to change or more of or less of? Do you listen to.

she's not exactly. I mean she's she doesn't really. I mean, you know Kate Middleton. Let's say that, yes, you know Princess Kate. But then I'm no Princess Bill either, I mean Prince Bill. Oh god, So you've been crook. What's the update. It's as we record this, it's one thirty six month, y obo. You've been crook. You've been projectile spewing apparently, And might I say, I haven't seen you for four or five days, and I'm glad because whatever

you got, I don't want it. And you were giving me in some detail the kind of the whole visual before on the phone.

i go to bed. I've got a workshop tonight. I'm doing a potty with you. Now I've got to do some PhD. I tell you my mom is working better my not only just kind of creativity and clarity, but like my ability to stay present and focus. Last night I had a meeting with Chris, my senior supervisor, brother Christian for my PhD. That is, in case everyone's going, what does that mean? Does he work at Dalton have advisor? No, this is for my study, my research, and I'm going

to be honest. I sometimes in those meetings I struggled to stay really present because it's deep and it's long, and it's like it's it's it's not which has got nothing to do with him or me or it's not fun you know me, I'm like a fucking child. Is there any way we can make a PhD? I don't know, like a party? No? No, none, none, And it's it's so. And I was meeting with him last night, so I've had a bit of a revelation. I feel like I

need to go to confession. You've never been to confession, have you?

how weird is that? Let's just think about that. Think about that as a so what you do you're going, you know, but when you're a Catholic, you don't think about it. Oh you walk in that see that little box over there with that little Weeni door. Yeah, you walk in little weenie door and there's a thing we know, and it's like kind of down on the floor and a bit of better. Didn't you kneel on that? Okay?

And then what well, then there's another bloke next door who's sitting on a chair and you're going to tell him all your sins are like, oh, okay, and then what happens? Ill then he will absolve you. What does that mean? Oh, that means he'll clear it up with God. He'll take them off your soul and then you're good to go. You've had you know, it's like you've had

a spiritual transplant. You goot to go no more. And then per chance, if you get hit by a truck when you walk out a confession, you going to heaven. If you get hit by a truck on the way to confession, you're fucked because you've got these sins on your soul. Right, So I grew up in that. It's funny when that's all you know, you don't think, oh, this is weird, isn't it? Like is anyone else anyone else?

our Fathers and twenty Hail Mary's. So then you've got to go out and you've got to kneel down and and this is basically your your punishment or your fucking ticket to spiritual freedom for another month or two or three. It's just when I think about it now, I'm like, oh God, really.

there's twelve major religions. There's over four thousand minor religions. So you know, we're talking four thousand plus religions in the world, and for the most part, all of those religions think they are the one true religion. And while there might be other similar religions, you know, like even under the banner of Christianity, which is a major religion, they're like a bunch of different denominations or a different

versions of Christianity. And you know, like I grew up in the Catholic Church that thought it was the one true church, and the Church of England and Anglican and Uniting Church and Baptist and Fundamental Christians that they were all lost, you know, and then so too then I went to a different church which thought, you know, and taught and it's not. These things are not ideas or suggestions, these are mandates. Like this is this is taught as

absolute truth. So when you grow up in an environment that's totally familiar to you, with people that are totally familiar, and a protocol and a culture and an energy and a theology that you've never known anything different, Like you don't walk out one day and go, I don't think that's blue when you're looking at the sky, Like you know it's blue because you know what the sky is because someone taught you at some stage, and someone taught

you that that color is blue. Now, if you'd never been given any information, you wouldn't know what the fuck it was. You'd recognize it, but you wouldn't know its name. And if you'd never heard about colors, you wouldn't know that it was blue. But just like you know that the sky is blue, when you are a Catholice, you know that the priest absolves or takes away your sins right and you never are given Nobody says, look, this is our working kind of idea. This is the working idea.

We're not sure that it's true, but this is what we're going with, Craig, So look, you choose for yourself. But this is this is our current take. Nobody says that. And so you grow up and this happens in you know, this happens with everything. This happens with you know, different kinds of relationships and friendship groups and vegans and carnivores and crossfitters and endurance athletes and strength athletes and Collingwood Football Club fans and Hawthorne for you know, and so

on and so on. It's just they're different groups of people who believe they're the best group essentially, or they're in the right group, as I've spoken about before, but yeah, it's it's an interesting thing. So for me, yeah, when and then when I started to think I'm not sure about all this, Like if you're in a group and you question essentially the underlying basis or principles or ideas or philosophy or theology of the group, well you are

definitely not encouraged to question, you know. And yeah, I just started it's like things just didn't make sense. I'm like, I'm not even trying to be difficult or rebellious, but like when I was young, young, it was a sin, right, it was a sin for women to walk on the altar. So that is the thing up the front of the church, the altar. It was a sin in Catholicism. And then one day I'm at church and then there's a lady up on the altar and I'm like, Mum, I mean church.

I don't know. I was maybe eight. I go, Mom, how come there's a lady on the altar. She goes, oh, that's not a sin anymore. I'm like, what, Yeah, no, the pope changed it. I'm like, what do you mean? And I'm like, even I don't know how old I was, but I was young. I'm thinking, well, it's either a fucking you or it's not. Like it's a sin on Tuesday, but it's not a sin on Wednesday? Did God sanction that? Did? Like?

Who makes these decisions? And even then I'm thinking, it feels like people make this up as they go, you know.

And the problem even with this conversation right now is there are people that think, you know, our listeners understandably, just like me, they'll have a certain idea about I know, there really is a God and the Bible really is true, and there really is heaven and hell and judgment and eternal damnation and heaven and you know, eternity with the Father or there isn't that's all bullshit, or there's an Yeah, it's kind of like that, Craig, but it's more specifically

it's like this. And so you know, when people have their own absolute, you know, fixed idea of what is, then you know that's where we come in for all the bloody mayhem that we come in for, because people are not comfortable to say, this is what I believe, but I could be wrong, and you know that's hard.

It's like there's been many like I have been wrong many times, and there are still things right now twenty twenty four that I believe or I think they're true, but I also am aware that they might not be true. And the reason that I say that is because I've been wrong so many times. And you have to acknowledge, like, if you think that everything that you think is unequivocally right, then life is going to be hard for you or you're going to have a lot of conflict and confrontation.

And also, at the risk of sounding judge, it's extremely arrogant and self righteous for you to think that all of your beliefs are true and correct and absolute and everyone in the world who doesn't think like you is wrong. I don't know what is true, but this is what I believe. And by the way, I could be wrong, as I have been many times before.

I don't want to be right, brothers and sisters. He's he's going hard, I mean real hard, you know, I kind of you know, whether or not somebody is a Christian or an atheist, or a Muslim, or a Buddhist or a Seventh Adventist or a Mormon or a scientologist or whatever, or a fucking vegetarian. What I look at is one, are you doing any harm to anyone else? And if the answer is no, I'm like cool. And then what else I look at is what is the net result of this thing that you are now doing

that you weren't doing? Is your life better? Without condoning or accepting or supporting or saying whether or not he's right or wrong, I would look at him and you know, try to I guess, observe over time whether or not he his life and his output, and how the fuck I would measure that I don't know. But if he genuinely seems to be doing better things, doing better himself less, self absorbed, less selfish, less addictive, he's talk he talks about all this stuff all the time, then you go cool.

Well for him, that is great. You know, there's another guy called Sam Harris. Have you heard of Sam Harris? So Sam Harris does very well, for the most part, very anti religion. But it's not just that he's he's he understands that some people get a lot of benefit from religion, but his against the fundamental We're absolutely right,

they're absolutely wrong. And you know, because the truth is, the uncomfortable truth for religious people, including me, is that we don't have proof of a god, you know, and if we had absolute proof, then there would be no need for faith, because faith is literally believing in something for which you have no evidence. Right now, that doesn't

mean there isn't a God. It just means that we all believe in or some of us believe in this, this deity, this entity, this supernatural something that we can't and there's no consensus. By the way, four thousand religions refer to part one of the podcasts. You know, like, there's no consensus, there's only divergence and disagreement and separation,

you know. So, But I think, I think with whatever you know, whether or not it's strength training or Christianity, or whether or not it's living in a fucking kibbutz in Israel, or it's it's leaving a certain job and working in nature, I think, what is the thing that you were doing now that you weren't doing, and what is the net result in terms of the quality of your life and the quality of your physical, mental, and emotional health and also your impact on others.

and I think that's where it, like I noticed. I said to my one of my clients this morning, I said, I'm gonna have to unfollow a bunch of pages that I've been supporting on social media because like around violence against women and women's deaths and things, because there's been so much of it lately, and after seeing that dude in the flesh the other day, my internal reaction, it's just starting to give me this cognitive bias and this kind.

for a little while. Not that I don't support it or care about it, but I just like I said with religion, it's just it's becoming a bit all encompassing and making me, I don't know, it's interesting.

at the world through a certain lens all the time. Yeah, like that's the only lens you look through as the I don't fucking trust anyone lens and and every every person is a potential predator and or every male and you know, part of me understands that. But it's going to be hard for humility to progress because you know, it's it's and so it's it's like, it's it's dichotomy because on the the one hand, yes, we've got to be aware and we've got to keep pushing these messages,

but also there are you know, there are some good men. Yeah, hopefully hopefully I'm one of them. You know, it's like and it's it's yeah, it is as like and also and let me just say, I think unequivocally women have it harder than men. So there's no sympathy being sought here. But men are still killing themselves three to one, you know, it's seventy five percent men committing suicide. And it's like this, it's like, yeah, but they're men. Though, It's like, well, yeah,

I get it, but who's saying that. Well, it doesn't you know, it doesn't get much attention compared to the attention that that and like, firstly, all all the heinous stuff that's happening to women and girls, it needs all their attention, and it deserves all their attention. It should, but there's a and I could be wrong, but to me, it seems like if you're a man and you're talking about how hard it is to be a man, people like,

fuck off, you're a man. And by the way, you're a white man and you're a middle aged man, so fuck off. Like, but the truth is that men and women, children and adults, you know, all cultures, all religions, like, we're all humans and all people suffer. And it's not

that one is less or more important. But you know, like I get a lot of messages from people saying, like the Jamie steedman that we had on the other day, and it was great chat, and we're going to get him back and it's in a great and important conversation. We're going to have more. But I probably get fifty emails from people saying talk about that, do that, but

maybe not one to fifty about men. It's like, and it isn't that men are more important at all, But I just think we need to have conversations all round, and we need to try to understand what's happening. You know, can I tell you an interesting story. I haven't told you this. No, I haven't told you this. So the other day I was doing one of my walks right, and to me, this is like, I don't even know I fuck it. This is just absolutely true. So however it comes out everyone, I'm not trying to make any

particular point, but this is just my experience. So it was on Saturday two days ago. I was walking down Hampton Street, so not far from where I live, and out the front of Saint Vincent de Paul. Right, I had my headphones on, so over your headphones, and I s walked past and I just kind of vaguely heard commotion,

which is hard to hear with my earphones on. And I turned around and there was like what looked to be like a sixtysh year old lady wrestling with what looked like a thirty year old young man twenty five or something like, skinny dude, glasses. Not the kind of guy that is going to be looking for a fight. I wouldn't think, right anyway, I'm looking and then she's screaming and he's like no, and then just I didn't

know what was going on. And there's a cafe right there, and then this lady's over the face having a sandwich. She's got sandwich coming out of her mouth, and she starts screaming at the guy to stop attacking her and all this, and then all these people are screaming at this dude. And anyway, what happened was there was a really expense handbag in the Saint Vincent de Paul, which was worth apparently thousands of dollars. It's like a designer

bag that somebody must have. Anyway, this lady stole it. So this lady stole the handbag, and the dude was stopping the thief, right, So she was stealing this handbag and one of the shop assistants, a lady, asked him to stop her, to stop her stealing, so he followed her out and grabbed the bag. Now, all everybody did was they wanted to beat up the dude. And I'm like, she was a thief. He was trying to stop a thief, but because he was a guy, everybody wanted to punch him.

And I'm like, hang on, hang on, hang on, what's going on? Hang on? And then just as I kind of I didn't do anything, by the way, I didn't fix save anyone, but as I moved in, and then she just bolted, and I'm like, you don't always know the story, you know, It's like this poor little dude, he was borderline having a breakdown, and there's no way

he would have intervened. And then this lady, fortunately, the lady in the store who asked him, she came out and said thank you, you're a hero, and gave him a hug, and it was all good. But I'm like, yeah, because at the just initially like everybody was just ready to take this dude to the ground, but it was actually what everyone thought was going on wasn't going on. So you know, and of course I'm always going to

default to protecting the woman, of course, of course. And I was ready to fucking grab him by the hair and pull him to the ground and then but I didn't actually know what was going on. Yeah, and then I went ah, oh, so yeah, anyway, that was my Saturday, as my.

about one hundred meters above base camp. And while i have made progress, I mean, I've look in my defense, your honor, I've all the research that I had to do, the studies I had to conduct, I've conducted them. You have to pass for academic milestones. I've passed all them in front of a board. But I'm on the home straight. In that I need to be writing up everything. I need to be writing a systematic literature view, a couple

of empirical papers. That just means a research paper that you write explaining and dissecting the research that you did, so two of them, and then a thesis, which is basically the story of my entire PhD journey. Let's just stay tiff. Based on where I'm at, I've probably got a good twelve to eight month's work left and it's all got to be handed in in six months. So let's also say that Christian kind of in the nicest way possible when get your shit together, like get your

shit together? And he's literally said to me, how many hours every day can you commit to your PhD? Like how many days? And it's like pretty much, you said to me, you need to be doing four to six hours, seven days a week for the next six months. And I'm like, I know, I know, So today was I mean, I've been working. It's just and it's no excuse. But

the problem is me. But I do work full time, and I do do seven podcast a week, and I do fly around Australia, and I have probably bitten off more than I can chew a little bit, but nonetheless, so I got reprimanded by in a nice way but totally deserving. Right, I am one hundred percent the fault at the problem and then the other night or the other day. This is confession, right, So we're back to part two of the episode confession, so it comes to

the full circle. I don't even yeah, I just want to share this because I've felt bad for two days, fucking terrible, right, So I'll tell you who af faired, but I'm not going to on air. So I am. I was chatting with some friends of mine, a couple, and I said something that was It was said in jest, but it was me. Remember I told you when I was young, I had this sole wise dude in my life said to me, you know, you need to be careful with your mouth because you can build.

to it. I apologized, and I even I've sent two messages apologizing and also apologized in the moment like seventeen seconds later. But you know when you're just like, I'm one hundred percent at fault. I fucked up. I've been hating myself for two days because I'm like, I'm the guy who tells you how to be aware of how you're coming across, Like that's literally your fucking PhD, you idiot.

And I just said something that, when in my head and coming out of my mouth, was meant to be like a bit of the equivalent of a verbal punch on the shoulder, you know whatever. But it wasn't. It wasn't, and there was yeah, And once it's done, you can't undo it. And so that's my little confession. I feel fucking terrible. Anyway. All I can do to fix it I've done. I've sent multiple messages. I apologized.

you know, and you probably deluded. But I feel bad that I did it, But I feel more bad that I hurt her. I fucking hate hurting people, and I did. I heard her, I heard her feelings, and yeah, I fuck if I could take back that moment in time, which I can't. But anyway, so that's me off to the rumor mirrors for a fucking look at myself again.