#1714 Sleepwalking Through Life - Harps

And I think, to an extent, to different levels, at different times in our life, we move through phases of consciousness and unconsciousness, and you know, where we're more focused, we're more awake, in inverted commas, we're more aware, and then other times when we look up and it's been a year and it feels like five minutes, it's like

a did I get here? And one of the things I've said many times on this show is people who say to me, after decades of doing life, you know, and then at forty or fifty or sixty, they say to me, referring to where they are at their current point of their journey, this wasn't my plan. This wasn't my plan. I'm not where I wanted to be. And when I say, and you've heard me say this before, but this will be a springboard for the rest of

the conversation. When I say to them, well can I see the plan, they look at me quizzically, and I say, well, you said this wasn't my plan. Where I'm at now, can I see the plan that you're talking about? And of course there's no plan. And for many of us, while we are making a level of decisions or a degree of decisions and living with some kind of focus and intention, maybe this is not relevant for you, so

tune out. But for some of you, and especially for me, over the years, there have been times where I was unconsciously doing things on a daily basis that were somewhere between suboptimal and fucking terrible. Where creatures of habit we do a lot of things without really paying attention. It's like my analogy is riding a motorbike. So for me, I started riding motorbikes when I was a kid, and I started in the dirt in the bush. Then I started riding motorbikes on the road when I was eighteen,

which was forty three years ago. So I can get from A to B. I can go on a one hour ride where I've got to go somewhere, especially if it's somewhere I've been before and it's familiar. I can get there and I can't remember specifically putting on the indicator, pulling in the clutch, putting on the front brake, the rear brake, twisting the throttle because I'm paying attention to

the traffic and the road. But in terms of all of the things that I do on autopilot, which is riding the motorbike and using all of the various bits and pieces on the aforementioned motorbike, I can do it without thinking. Now, if doing stuff without thinking in inverted commas produces a good outcome, if it's a good habit that producers a good outcome, well then that's great. So me being able to ride a motorbike without thinking about, Oh, I've got to move my fingers on my left hand

to pull in the clutch. I've got to move my fingers and I've got to get my thumb to pull this thing across to the left to turn on the left indicator. Then I've got to push that thing in with my left thumb to cancel the indicator. Then I've got to click up this thing or click down this thing with my left foot to change the gears. And then I've got to twist this thing here with my right hand to accelerate or open up the throttle. Then I've got to push my right foot down on this

thing over here to put on the rear brake. I've also got to put on the front and rear brake. That's right hand and right foot at the same time. So it's imagine if I had to think all of that through while I was on a motorbike riding somewhere, I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what's in front of me, to the changing environment, to the changing variables in front of me that I need to navigate and deal with when I'm on a motorbike. Right, So there's a degree of I guess what's that auto pilot.

There's a degree of repetition, there's a degree of habit that can be really valuable. But then at the other end of the scale, there's the stuff that we do. We're essentially barely conscious, we're just doing stuff that doesn't work for us. So day after day we're doing the thing that didn't work the day before. We're on a

kind of an autopilot of self destruction. If not self destruction, at the very least, we're wasting our talent, we're wasting our potential, we're not optimizing our time or our energy or our genetics, and we're not doing the things that produce the results that we would love to see in our life. And one of the challenges with that is that your life and my life has its own energy.

Like my life's already up and running, you know, And by life, I mean situation, circumstance, environment, job, other people, relationships, you know, habits, behaviors. My life kind of as a thing that I inhabit. It's kind of got its own It's like a river that's already flowing. It has its own energy, it has its own momentum. It's moving in a certain direction, good or bad. And to a point,

my life is already happening. And there are times when I am I am the author of the story, or I am the driver of the bus or the boat in the river and I am steering the SS craig, or there are times when it's almost like I'm up the back of the bus or the boat and I'm a passenger in my own life. And I look up five minutes later, and it's been two years, and now I've been doing things unconsciously, unintentionally but nonetheless automatically that

don't serve me. That are not optimal, that don't work for me. And now I'm two years older, and the thing that I wanted two years ago, or the things If you had have asked me in this hypothetical two years ago, Craig, would you like to be a bit fitter and healthier? I would have said yes. And if you had asked me two years ago, Craig, would you like to be a little bit stressed and a little bit more calm calm? I would have gone shit, yeah? And what about would you like to be a bit

more productive? Would you like to be a bit more efficient? Would you like to waste less time? Would you like to be more effective and productive and less busy? Oh? Yeah, I would love all of that. Would you like your relationships to be or some of your relationships to be a little bit healthier? Would you like a little would you like a better return on your energetic investment? Oh? I would love that now in this hypothetical, I wanted all that stuff two years ago. But in the interim

I haven't done anything to create that. It's just something I wanted because I've just been in the flow. I've just been in the momentum and the energy of my own life, and I've been telling myself stories, and the stories are how busy I am and how much time I don't have, and how I will do it. But I will do it soon when the mystical, mythical, magical right time comes. And that's not this week, and it's probably not this month or year, but it's coming soon.

And when that time comes, and I'm going to change my life, I'm going to step in underupa bar and then I'm sixty. Now, I'm not for one moment suggesting that living this kind of conscious life where we are designing and creating and we're stepping out of the sleep walking into the conscious creation kind of model. I'm not suggesting for one second that it's easy, that it's comfortable, that it's convenient or fast or painless, as I always say.

But if you are a person who has listened to a lot of my stuff, or listen to a lot of self help or personal development or behavior or psychology in whatever format, whatever forum, you know, whether it's whatever video, audio, audiobooks,

something that you're reading physically, it doesn't matter. But at some point, if we really are going to be the change that Gandhi talks of, if we're really going to be the change, then we need to step out of this unconscious kind of repetition, you know, this propensity that we have to choose instant gratification over growth to be able to go. Look, I'm I'm going to do this. This is not the thing I feel like doing because

this isn't fun or you're comfortable. I don't feel like doing it, but I know that I need to do it because I don't want to be living in this groundhog day that I've been in for the last ten years. And also, I know I have more I know I have more talent. I know I have more potential. I know I can do better with my genetics. I know I can do better with my time. I know that I can create better relationships. I know that I can

learn how to be a better communicator. I know that my life is telling me, my data, my results are telling me that what I'm doing is suboptimal. It is not optimal. I don't want to be an Olympic athlete. I don't want to run one hundred meters in ten seconds. I don't need to be a billionaire. I don't need to cure cancer. I don't need to join the Space program. I don't need to be elite in general terms, but what I would really like I would like to be

a better version of me. I want to the one who is creating opportunities, not hoping opportunities come along, or not waiting for an opportunity to present itself. I want to be the creator of opportunities. I'm going to make decisions and do things, and I'm going to do a stock take on my current life, and I'm going to do a stock take on my current habits and behaviors.

And I'm going to assess brutally and honestly and courageously what I'm doing that works and what I'm doing that doesn't work, based on who and how I want to be.

I'm not going to bang on this about this today, but you know, this idea of stepping out of the sleepwalking model of life and into like for want of a better term, living fully awake, for me, it just means abandoning the autopilot and embracing conscious choosing, conscious behaving, and rejecting that that allure of quick fix and magic pills and instant gratification in favor of something that's going to create the best version of you over the long term,

and recognizing that you know, while your past has shaped you, it doesn't need to define you. Past you doesn't need to be future you. What you did yesterday doesn't need to be what you do today. It's about creating a life with intention and purpose. So sometimes I share stuff like this and I just jump off, and I feel like maybe a flaw in the way that I teach and coaches that I don't I don't leave you with

perhaps some thoughts or suggestions or practical stuff. So that's my bad, and I'm going to try to do that a little bit more. And so here's here's something. Here's a version of what I do with clients coaching clients. And I've done a version of this with me many times times, and so using a one to ten scale. And this is very much bro science. This is Craig science. You're not going to find this on the interwebs. You'll find a version of the interwebs. But this is a little,

very simple model that I created. So let's say we're using a one to ten scale. If you want to write this down one to three, if you're scoring any of these particular areas that I'm about to dive into you with. If you're scoring any of them are one to three, then that probably needs well, that definitely needs urgent attention. So you go and crap at that you can do better again, No self loathing, just honesty, your self awareness, courage. We're not beating ourselves up. We're just going, yep,

I do this that shit, I can do better. I'm gonna do better. Not I hope I do better, not I want to do better. I'm going to fucking do better. And this is how I'm going to do better. So one to three, that thing is, it needs urgent attention. Four to six on the infamous Craig Harper scale is it's not bad. It's not great, it's not terrible. It's average. It could be better, but it's okay. It's not dire straits.

Seven to eight is that's pretty good in that era of my life with that particular task or that particular variable or that particular factor that I need to address to be the best me and to live consciously and to step out of the sleepwalking paradigm. I'm giving myself a seven to eight or an eight whatever on this, which is pretty good. And if you're scoring yourself a nine or a ten, we'll get you out. But a cup you can probably give yourself a big pass on

that or a pat on the back. And so that some of the and you can come up with your own I guess assessment protocol in terms of assessment variables, the things that you want to assess. So when I, by the way, when I sit down with someone and I do this, I really say to them, look, don't overthink it. Don't overthink it, like, just what is your number? And so with you, I'm going to say to you same. You know, we can we can wax and winn and go,

oh well what about this? What about or we can just instinctively we know, we know, don't we Like if you said to me, the first one on my list is overall physical health, and by that I just mean everything. So I mean I mean your body composition, I mean your cardiovashcal fitness, I mean your your immune system, your posture, you know everything, your overall physical health. So if you said to me, Craig, what's your number, I'm going to go seven or eight. And it would really take me

a while to figure out why I'm saying that. But I kind of instinctively and intuitively know I'm not perfect, but I'm not shit. I'm pretty good for a sixty one year old bloke. I could do a few things a little better, and I could. I could sit down now and tell you how I could make myself a nine or a ten and so on. So number one is overall physical health, So one to ten, remember that little rating system. Number two is diet. And these are

of course, of course I'm saying this stuff. But and that could be not only what you eat the content of your diet, but the quality of your diet. It could be energy in and out. It could be calories, overall calories. It could be your relationship with food. It could be the fact that you eat. You don't over eat, but you eat sporadically and there's no rhyme or reason

and you know. Or it could be that you eat when you don't need food, and then there are times where you do need food you're not eating because you're distracted or whatever. But overall, like in terms of how healthy or how optimal your diet is for you, what's your one to ten score? Next one is cardiovasckela fitness or aerobic fitness, heart lung fitness. It's really you know whether or not you are seventeen years old or seventy seven years old, or eighty seven years old or eighty

five like my old man. It is really important that you are doing something to maintain or depending on your starting point, potentially improve your aerobic fitness. And of course that aerobic fitness is relative to your ability. We're not talking about what's your aerobic fitness compared to a twenty year old marathon runner or a thirty year old marathon runner.

We're saying for your potential if you're based on your age, your chronological and biological age, and your physiological potential and your capacity and your genetics and all of those things. Like if if what's possible for you is a ten, where are you currently compared to that ten? So aerobic

fitness strength is my next one. Of course, physical strength, being able to move your body, being able to lift stuff, being able to get in and out of a chair and a car, and being able to get up on a ladder without killing yourself if you need to, Being able to pick up a kid or a grandkid, being able to carry the groceries more than ten feet and all of those things. Being physically strong, of course, correlates to a whole bunch of things that I've told you before,

I won't tell you again. My next one is job satisfaction. Job satisfaction for me is really important. It is important that I love what I do. For me. It's really important that there is a divergence or an intersection of me having something that makes a few bucks, that pays the bills, that also is a vehicle for me to grow and to learn and to develop and build understanding and competence, and also a vehicle for me to have fun, and also a vehicle for me to build relationships and

meet awesome people and so on. So for me, a job is much more than a thing that I do to pay bills for me, Because you know, you think about your job or the business that you own, or

your career or however you want to. You know, the time that you spend doing stuff to make money is such a huge part of our adult life, our waking hours, and for the obvious reasons but also the not so obvious reasons that your work affects everything from obviously your bank balance and your ability to pay bills and tick all the practical boxes through to your emotional health and your mental health and potentially your spiritual health depending on

your belief system and your immune system, and what is happening in your body at a cellular level. If every time you step out of the car to walk into the office, now your sympathetic nervous systems go on nuts because you hate your job, or you don't enjoy your colleagues, or you work in a toxic environment or culture. Guess what your job is literally fucking bad for your health. So what's your job? Out of ten? And we're not

just talking about how much dough do you make? We're talking about all those things I just mentioned now specific to money. Out of ten, has your relationship with money? I would say my relationship with money is about a nine or ten. And that's not because I make heaps of dough and I'm amazing with money, but it's because it's not, you know, I make enough money, I pay the bills, but it's really not something I think about much.

And that sounds maybe like a lie, it's true, and yes, I acknowledge that that is a privilege that I have and I'm very grateful for that. But I don't have a wife I don't have four kids, I don't have grandkids. I don't have a lot of the demands and a lot of the challenges that some people have. So for me it's very easy. But what's your score for money? For me, money is not something that I'm driven to get more of. For me, money is a tool. It's a resource that means I can do stuff, help people

do stuff, build stuff. It's all it is. The Next one is lifestyle habits and behaviors. So what's your number out of ten for your lifestyle? And by that I mean I mean things like sleep hygiene, I mean things like managing stress and anxiety. Or we might just call overall balance, life balance, booze, drugs, cigarettes, How many could you have? Thirty four coffees a day? Do you drink any water? How do you socialize? Is the way that

you socialize good for you or bad for you? Because we can socialize in a way which is actually good for our health, it's good for our physical, mental, and emotional health. Or we can socialize in a way which is toxic and destructive and potentially life threatening, which sounds melodramatic, but it isn't because it's true. I've got a few to go, So one ten mental health kind of touched on that a little bit. There close relationships one to ten and that could be family, that could be friends,

that could be your intimate partner. That could be your kids, could be your parents, could be a parent, could be it could be one relationship that you have one relationship in your life that's toxic and unhealthy, and then you need to figure out do I want to fix that? Do I want to fix that relationship? Can I fix that relationship? What's my role in fixing that if I

want to? Or do I need to change the nature of the relationship or the dynamics of the relationship where that thing that's really affecting me I want to fix it, But for a range of reasons, it's not possible because it takes two people. So maybe the way that that relationship impacts on you or the way that you interact

with that person. I've had many people in my life that needed to be in my life because of a particular situation or circumstance or role that I was in, and so it wasn't optional at that point in time. Those people were going to be in my sphere, in my vicinity and I did need to talk with them, into act with them and work alongside them, or coexist

with them. And so, rather than ending the relationship, which is another option, but in this case, would I would try to figure out how do I work optimally with this person, how do I need to be not so that I'm compromising me and not so that I'm endorsing necessarily their toxic behavior, but rather rather than wasting time and energy on something that I can't perhaps fix in inverted commas, I'm going to figure out out a way

to coexist with this person. And then, like I said, perhaps the last option there is depending of course, there are a range of variables around this. But over the years there have been many relationships. I don't mean hundreds, but you know more than a few relationships that I have ended because I don't think that well. I know that that relationship, those particular relationships were closer to the unhealthy end, not their healthy end of the social scale

for me. And then the last one is and this is purely dependent on you as an individual, bud is is you know the religious and spiritual stuff. So and I've shared many times with you like my spiritual kind of paradigm is just that it's far less religious than it once was. I grew up in a very religious box, and then I eventually got my big toe out, then my foot, then my leg, and then I kind of jumped out. Doesn't mean I'm anti religion. I'm not. I'm

anti some religious behavior. I'll give you the dip. But for me, my spiritual practice is kindness and love and service, which sometimes I live up to that and sometimes I don't. I would probably give myself a five or six on that. Sometimes I'm a champion and sometimes I'm I let myself down. But anyway, there it is food for thoughteam Sleepwalking through Life