#1695 "I Was Wrong" - Harps

don't have a script. So if periodically these are not the super slick, polished, you know, highly produced, mind blowing kind of experience that some podcasts are not mine, but some are, I apologize in advance, but I think. I think what I want to talk about today is a really important topic and a really interesting thing to think about at this point in time for all of us.

And as you know, because you've already read the blurb or you've seen the title, I want to talk about the idea of being wrong and the fact that we are so reluctant to say we are wrong, or to not only say that we're wrong, but even to consider the fact that we could be wrong. We could have made a mistake, we could have fucked up, we could be completely, unequivocally, absolutely flawed in our thinking, but we don't want to say that for a range of reasons,

which I will go into if I remember. But you know, here's a sentence that very very few people would say, and you will, you know, like you know, religious leaders, politicians, health experts, spiritual gurus, nutritional zealots, in general, narcissists. Most people with a platform and a decent audience would not say something like, Look, here's what I believe, but I could be wrong. Here's what I believe, but I could

be wrong. And that's for a range of reasons. But the problem is that one of the many problems around this inability, or this lack of willingness to even think that. Look, I can have certain ideas and beliefs, and I guess ideologies and philosophies that I can share with the world.

But if I'm genuine about this thing called personal growth and service and kindness and having an awareness bigger than me and all of these things that I bang on about, I need to know, and I do know, and I do acknowledge that I will probably say things today in this little monologue that in a week I might go, I don't exactly think that anymore, or perhaps I got that wrong, or perhaps I could have explained that better, or perhaps I didn't really articulate that in a way

which lands with people. Not a bad idea, just explain fucking terribly harps, as I often do. And for me, this need that everyone has to be right. It's a self created anchor. Like if you're wrong, if you get something wrong one, it's okay. You're human. Of course you'll get shit wrong. And if you're wrong, you're wrong, it's okay. It doesn't need to be the end of you. In fact, it might be the beginning of something better, because when

we know better, sometimes we can do better. Like our ego, our ego wants us to be right, and we don't. We don't like being wrong because it makes us uncomfortable. We don't like being wrong because we might, we might lose face, we might get embarrassed, we might get disconnected from the group. We want to be right. We want to be right because we want to impress people. It's like being right is being smart. Being smart is in our minds. Sometimes it's social currency. It's being connected. Look

at me. I know. We don't want to look stupid. We don't want to be embarrassed, we don't want to be disconnected, we don't want to be thought less of, And so we just fucking dig our heels in because we know we're right, and we know we belong to

the right group. We I hate the thought that we could be wrong, in part because our identity is intertwined with this idea that we think is right, with this belief that we think is right, that this philosophy, this ideology, this way of thinking doing being that we believe is unequivocally the right way or the right idea or the

right paradigm to inhabit. But, as I've said many times before, the problem with this, the problem with knowing that I'm right in inverted commas asterisk, the problem with knowing that I am right also means that I concurrently know wink wink wink, that everyone in the world who doesn't agree with me is wrong. Well that's all kinds of precarious for the people around you and for you, because at the moment that I think I am unequivocally right, I

mean general terms, everything that I believe is true. Then I believe everybody that doesn't believe like me is is wrong. And now now I'm a wall Now I'm now I'm unteachable. Now I can't unlearn and relearn because I already know. And the you know you think about you think about the consequences of being okay perhaps with being wrong, like I'm ok to be wrong. In fact, not only am

I okay to be wrong. I find it interesting and sometimes empowering when I learn something new which supersedes what I thought by you, or it undoes what I thought on you, or it proves to me unequivocally that what I was doing or that my thought or my idea or my protocol was in some way somewhere between a bit wrong and completely fucking flawed. You know, like the way that the way that I ate when I was young,

I thought I ate mostly healthy. I thought the way that when I was you know, I'm talking about thirty years ago, when I was a young PT gym owner, I was training lots of people, and without going into specific, some of the things that I was teaching people back then about everything from training and progression and recovery and nutrition and genetic optimization and some of the things that I was teaching people were somewhere between completely fucking flawed

and not the best device. And was there any resistance in me to say that I got it wrong? Of course, of course there was. Because I wanted to look good, I wanted to be smart. I have an ego, I have self esteem. I was the leader. I didn't want the people around me to think that the leader didn't know. But of course the fucking leader didn't know what he was doing half the time. Of course I got things wrong.

Of Course I still get things wrong. And when I learned to do better and I learned to get over my own bullshit, which is still a work in progress, and I started to actually acknowledge to people that without giving fifteen reasons or rationalizations or justifications. But I just started to explain to people or share with people. Ah, I completely got that wrong. I got that wrong. It's like I got the food pyramid wrong. I've got the food pyramid wrong, because the food pyramid we now know

is very fucking flawed science. In fact, it's not even science, it's propaganda. I won't go into that. Well, this is what I currently believe. Anyway, The problem is or the reality for me was I was teaching people how to eat a certain way based on a science in inverted commas that was at the very least flawed. I was teaching people to have lots of grains and lots of cereals and hardly any fats, and as as per my education around how to eat well. And that's not good

or bad. That's just part of my story. And when I understood what I was doing, and when I understood the mistakes I was making, I endeavored to rectify them and to learn more and to keep learning. Which is why you know, at sixty one years young, I'm still studying. I'm literally still studying and I'm still learning. And when I finished my PhD, which will hopefully be pretty soon, I will keep learning. I will keep unlearning, I will keep learning. I will keep getting things wrong. I will

keep admitting that I'm getting things right and wrong. But I will be open to I will be open to fucking up. I will be open to not knowing. I will be open to admitting that I got something wrong, because that is how I learn and grow and evolved, and that is how I be authentic and live in alignment with the stuff. The stuff that I teach you.

You know, for me, there was a period of time where, talking about things that I personally got wrong, I believe that training every day was the optimal way for me to train. Now I'm talking about back in the days where I trained hard and heavy every day, which I do not do anymore. I trained differently. I still train most days, but it varies between pretty easy and quite hard.

But there was a period of time there where I pretty much trained in period of time I mean years and years where I trained seven days a week like a crazy person. I trained hard and heavy and intense, and I was quite in quite good shape, and I had quite a lot of muscle, which is what I wanted at that stage. And I was quite big, which was what I wanted. That's another conversation, a flawed idea, by the way, but nonetheless that's what I wanted at

the time. And then when I opened my first PT studio, I was busy than I'd ever been in my life. So all of a sudden, I had this business. I had this bricks and mortar business. I had staff, I had a team to lead. I had to run an organization and train people, train clients, educate clients and also train my trainers to be trainers in a time where nine ninety there were no personal trainers or very few. There was no qualification, there was no insurance, there was

no personal training industry. So I'm trying to figure out how to how to create an industry that doesn't exist. I'm trying to figure out how to train clients, how to understand all the things that I didn't understand, how to deal with real estate agents and lawyers and accountants and have all these fucking grown up conversations. And one of the byproducts of that was I had to reduce my training from seven days a week to three just

because I literally did not have enough time. I was getting to the gym at four thirty five o'clock and leaving at ten, and I was fucking exhausted. And so I made a decision to compromise my training and to go from seven days a week to three days a week for a period of time, knowing in inverted commas that I would go backwards, I would lose strength and I would lose size. But I literally went from zero days or maybe one day a week recovery to four

days a week recovery and three days a week. Training on the three days a week, I trained as well as I could, and to my absolute astonishment, but not yours, because you're smarter than me. To my absolute astonishment, what happened in the first few weeks was because I never trained two days in a row, and by the time I got to train, I was so fucking excited and enthusiastic, and my body was so well recovered compared to normal. I got stronger, and I don't mean one percent stronger,

I got ten to fifteen percent stronger. In about a month, all of my lifts started to go up, all of my aches and pains disappeared, my joints were better, My recovery was fucking astonishing, my sleep was awesome, and everything started to improve. And everything that I'd done, and everything that I had thought about recovery and about how many days I should train and how much recovery I should have, and pretty much all of it was wrong. All of

it was wrong. But what was great was in the middle of learning that I was wrong, I also learned at that time in my life in that training model, I learned what would work for me, And so out of that willingness to go and by the way, I couldn't even argue that I was wrong because the evidence was overwhelming. But it also it changed the way that I communicated with people about strength and hyperch fear and building muscle and recovery and building power and building strength

and improving function. Because here's what, and it's kind of embarrassing, but it's just true. Here's what. I didn't really understand how to optimize rest and recovery because I was twenty six and stupid. I didn't really understand it. I didn't really under you know, I theoretically understood it, but experientially and on a deep level, I didn't truly understand how significant it was to not only train my body optimally, but to to let it recover and to give it

space away from the dumbbells and bar bells. You know, I remember many times in my business where you know, so my business started as a small fifteen hundred square foot facility in Hampton Street, Hampton, and you know, so literally a fifty foot by thirty foot room or thereabouts, with a couple of little change rooms off that and a very small kitchen, so ladies changing room, guys change room, a couple of toilets, no showers, a very small kitchen

at and around fifteen hundred square foot of floor space, which compared to my subsequent studios, was tiny, but at the time it was fucking amazing. But then I went from there and that did really well, and I got pretty busy, and that fifteen hundred square foot space didn't really after a while accommodate my trainers and their clients or our clients, and it was getting a little bit

claustrophobic in there. So I moved to another facility which was double that, three thousand square feet, and then that was in Hampton Bluff Road in Melbourne. And then I opened another one in Corefield, which is about twice that. Again, then I opened another one concurrently, so I had all these. Then I had another one in Brighton which was ten thousand square feet, which was at the time the biggest training definitely the biggest personal training facility in the Southern

Hemisphere and maybe the world. Very very very well equipped all of that, and so I went from this. I went from this very small operation to this big operation. I also opened two other businesses. There's a point to this story, it's coming. I also opened two other bricks and mortar businesses in the health and wellness space. So at a certain time I had five standalone businesses, five lots of stuff, a team of about one hundred at

that stage. And how I'd been taught and told and trained was that bigger is better, that more businesses, more locations, more staff, more income is better. And I guess it depends on your metrics for measuring better in inverted commas, or the KPIs for success. But for me, the bit that I got wrong in business is that I thought,

and again, this was my wrong. It might for somebody else that might not be wrong, by the way, But as my business grew, and as my team grew, and as my responsibilities grew, and as my number of locations grew and expanded, and even as my brand and profile grew, and I started traveling and speaking at conferences, and as all of that grew, so did my exhaustion, So did

my anxiety, so did at times my confusion. And I'm just speaking personally here, And so for me, what I discovered for me, for Craig Harper, the biggest business is not the best business. Now, even if for me that, by the way, all of those businesses were making money, so it's not like, Wow, I was going broke. I wasn't going broke. All businesses were in the black. Everything

from a financial point of view was doing okay. But what I got wrong was I somehow thought that if I can build this fucking empire, because I that's the model of success that I grew up in, is that that more is better, that bigger is better, that more income equals more happiness, that more moving parts equals more flexibility, and more variable variables equals better outcomes. And for me that wasn't the case. And it wasn't that it was

catastrophic or terrifying. But I can honestly say, from the first to fifteen hundred square foot studio to where I had, you know, some years later, a multitude of locations and different businesses and lots of people, it didn't equate to my life is better. It didn't equate to I'm happier, I'm more fulfilled. It didn't equate to enjoy, It didn't equate to calm. For some other person, my wrong could have been their right, but I got it wrong for me.

And the moment that I mean, the moment that I kind of realized that this is this particular operating system, this protocol, this model, whatever you want to call it, this way of working, this way of doing life, this way of building an empire, this way of a creating income. For me, it's not optimal, optimal, And I could do a whole podcast on why. But what was good was it made me realize, or it helped me realize what I didn't want to do and who I didn't want to be. And what I don't want to be is

an entrepreneur. What I don't want to be is a massive business owner with a thousand moving parts and a thousand staff. I don't want that. And it's not that that's bad, but it's just not that it's not good for me. Like for me, this the idea of not being wrong is ridiculous for me personally, because I've gotten so many things wrong. And I don't say that with false humility, I really have. You know, there was a time when my leadership model was everybody's got to fucking

love me. I've got to be everybody's friend. I've got to be all things for all people. I've got to be the most resilient, the most resistant. I've got to be the happiest. I've got to be the funnest. I've got to be the best guy. I can't have any chinks in my armor. I can't let the fucking guard down. I can't let people see behind the Craig curtain. I've got to be an inspiration all the time. And every just doesn't work, does it? Because one, that's bullshit, nobody's that.

But because I was insecure, and because I wanted to be liked, and because I wanted I didn't want any fucking waves. I wanted everything to be smooth sailing, because that's how life works. I'm going smooth sailing. I was the chronic people pleaser, even as a boss, I was a fucking people pleaser. And then one day, not literally, but one day I went, how I do this doesn't work? How I do this doesn't work? Even you know, there's a real m. How do I say this? There's a

real I think there's a real propensity for peace. People who have a platform like me to say what they think people want to hear, to say what they think will be popular, to say what they think will earn them browning points or more followers or more likes or more friends, or more acceptance. But they're not they're not being genuine, they're not saying what they In fact, sometimes they don't even fucking know what they think, because you know, at the core of their message, it's really what do

you want me to think? What do you want me to say? What will What can I say that will make you like me? What can I say that will make me more popular? How do I get you to talk about me more? How do I you know? But at the end of the day, it that also doesn't

work because eventually that fizzles out. Eventually, you know, the amount of people in my journey that I've pissed off or people that have disc agreed with me or whatever, which are many, also many that have agreed, many that like and support also, but also over time what has happened quite a bit is people have circled back and gone, you know, you kind of pissed me off when you said this, or you kind of I didn't agree with this, or but I kind of get it. I kind of

get it. And you know, when I share, like when I talk on this podcast, when I coach, when i'm mentor I'm well aware that I am not the popular voice I'm not the comfortable, user friendly voice. I'm well aware. I'm well aware that I could say things and do things on my platforms that will probably get more likes and follows and clicks and support. I'm well aware, But I also know that I wouldn't be being me. I would be all playing someone else. And I don't say

things because I want to piss people off. I don't say things because I want to alienate anyone. I say things because that's what I believe in that moment to be true. That's what I believe to be good advice, or that's what I believe to be an interesting story that might create some insight or awareness or curiosity or

inspiration for my audience. That's what I do. But also I'm well aware that in the doing of that, in the sharing and the inspiring and the storytelling and the downloading of science and different kind of ideas, I'm well aware that I will on a pretty regular basis not only will I fuck things up, not only will I get things wrong, but I'll alienate people. And guess what,

I'm okay with all that. And the reason I'm okay with all that is because I don't have an option because if I choose not to be okay with that, then I've I've either got a one pretend I'm someone else, or two constantly have my feelings hurt and constantly get in therapy because people don't align or agree or support what I'm saying, you know, And I think just this propensity to be able to or this perhaps capacity is a better word to be able to, you know, reflect

as I've taken you through a couple of times through the whole kind of self reflection, self awareness, self regulation, kind of you know, pathway to be able to just self reflect? Am I getting things wrong? Is there any way that this thing that I think is not true? And you know, the truth is that when we are more vulnerable, when we are more flawed publicly, when we

are more open and honest with our own bullshit. This is just my opinion, But I truly believe the fact that I am not spectacular, the fact that I am not a genius, the fact that I have spoken many times about, you know, my mediocre childhood and mediocre me

in the middle of my mediocre childhood. But the fact that I also I'm very hopeful and I'm willing to work hard and I'm willing to fall down and get up, and I'm willing to support and encourage you, and I'm willing for you to like me or not like me. I'm okay with all of that. I think it's being that, being a version of that, your realest, rawst, most authentic self that you can be. I think it's that that makes you actually more relatable, more authentic, more real, more

potentially more likable to the people around you. When people see you, whether or not that's they read you, or they hear you, or they see you on a video or they just see you out and about. When people see you, and what they see is this flawed but relatable kind you know, human just trying to navigate the fucking mayhem that is life. And in the middle of all of that, you can share some kind of kindness or wisdom or insight or generosity or love. That's a

recipe for connection, that's a recipe for engagement. That's a recipe for trust and respect. And you know that you're wrong a lot, and we know that you're wrong a lot, And it doesn't mean we've got to walk around and beat ourselves up. But if we are constantly on this chest beating kind of war path of my beliefs are wrong, your beliefs sorry, my beliefs are right, your beliefs are wrong. It's not a way to exist moving or not a healthy way to exist. There's so much less pressure being

able to go, oh, I was wrong. And also there will be times where you get it right, and there'll be times where you don't even know. Maybe you think you're wrong, but you end up being right. So it's not just a one way thing. But one of the benefits of being absolutely fine, being able to embrace your mistakes or embrace the things that you get wrong or believe that the beliefs that are flawed, is that it opens a door for you that is closed for others.

And that door is the ability to unlearn and relearn. See, when you believe something that's wrong today and you believe it for the next ten years, it's still it's wrong day. It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself it's right. And if you keep telling yourself that flawed ideology or that thing that's wrong, if you keep telling yourself that's right, you are now unteachable. You are also very hard for people to warm to because you are absolutely unapproachable unless

I'm living in the same echo chamber as you. You're now in the middle of confirmation bias, and I think I'm thinking as I go, so excuse me. I'm looking out the window, eyes raised to the bamboo thinking. But I think also like having set beliefs. Do I have set beliefs? I absolutely do. I have some. Really, I have some set beliefs that I think I'm right about, but I don't know I'm right. I think I'm right, but I know i'm right. I'm sorry, I don't know

I'm right. So I'm okay with that though, because that's human. And I'm also very comfortable to have friends who don't share my beliefs and who may even think with some things the opposite of what I think. Now, as long as they are what I consider to be good people, then they don't have to agree with me. They don't need to align with me. And in fact, if all of my friends have to think like me and believe like me, and agree with me and support me and

align with me, then they're not friends. They're fellow cult members living in my thought cult, living in the Craig cult. So you're going to get stuff wrong. I'm going to get stuff wrong. Remember that sentence that I started with at the top of the show. It was, this is

what I believe, but I could be wrong. And if you open your eyes and you take a look at what's going on in the world right now, whether it's in the political space, the religious space, the how do I get the best body space, the nutrition space, all the fucking the myriad of experts selling a myriad of ideas and programs, generally with self interest underneath it all. We know that we know that they're all getting it wrong at some stage, just like you and me. So

let's not hold on too tightly to those beliefs. See you next time.