#1646 A Brief Coaching Session - Harps

around for a long time. If you're a typ stalwart, hey appreciate you. So you will notice the last few days have been a solo Greg Anthony Harper, who for some strange reason is talking in the third person. And so I'm going to give you the snapshot as to

why that is. So. What happens when you produce a daily podcast a three hundred and sixty five days of the year show, about three hundred and fifty five to sixty of those, generally three hundred and sixty are ones that I have recorded, like I'm recording right now today Sunday for tomorrow Monday, A few times a year, we might replace something that was very popular that's old because for a range of reasons, we can't get a new podcast, a brand new content podcast up. The practical reality you

don't need to know this. Some of you might be interested, though, But the practical reality of my life is this full time work, which is corporate speaking, which is corporate consulting, which is a little bit of coaching that I don't do much of anymore, which is a little bit of what I would call unpaid helping people out stuff as well, which is part of my purpose and mission. And on top of that, as most of you know, full time ish kind of fluctuating between part and full time research

ch PhD study. At the moments, maybe if you're interested, maybe around six months away from submitting my thesis, handing that in and in the middle of writing what's called a systematic literature review, a couple of empirical papers and a thesis, which is about an eighty thousand word kind of sixty to eighty thousand word kind of story of

your PhD journey. So it's called a PhD project my projects, So that will be the kind of the story from day one November one, twenty nineteen to the end of this yearish, early next yearish, and what research I've done, what studies I've run, what participants I had, protocol, methodology, how we did it, what we discovered, what we looked at, why we looked at it, why the world needs his science, and so on, and a couple of older parents and trying to go to the gym every day, and so

that adds up to a very busy existence. And the podcast is very important to me. And part of the reality of our situation is that I'm always trying to get good guests for you, and I probably receive emails from I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but somewhere between ten and fifty people a week who want to be on the show, who for a range of reasons, probably aren't great choices for the show. They don't want to be you know, you can figure it out, you know

what I'm saying. Anyway, And some people are great and some people get through that way, but please don't send me an email to be on the show at the moment. Thank you, please, and thank you. Generally, I chase people that I want to talk to, but also I guess the practical reality of that is for every one hundred people that we and when I say we generally Melissa or Tiff, we send an email to to reach out

to to be on the show. Of the ninety the one hundred emails that we send out, we maybe get five to ten responses, so ninety five people don't respond, and that we might get somewhere between one and five people over the line to now, when you do seven shows a week, every week of the year, that's just a practical reality that's at times, you know, because this is not my primary it's very important to me, but obviously there's a lot of moving parts on Planet Craig,

and so when we can't get like I could have a different guest every single day of the year, I could probably have three or four, but they wouldn't be guests that I would be happy with. They wouldn't be

guests that would be of value to you. And yes, that's a little bit presumptuous, but I've done this for a fucking long time, and so I know, and they've been a lot of not a lot, but they've been quite a number of podcasts that none of you know about that I recorded that just were not good enough to they didn't meet the standard, and they were not something that I would be happy to share anyway, my

long winded, fucking round about messages. So there are going to be periodically there will be weeks where there might be seven interviews and there will be weeks where there might be two interviews and five solos from me. I get different feedback about both. Some people really enjoy the me and you coaching format where I'm just sharing essentially I'm doing an education or a coaching session. Some people enjoy that. Some people are like, Nah, not so much.

I just want to listen to you talk to interesting people. I completely get that either way, whatever your preferences, totally get it. Just know that, Just know that I'm always doing my best to give you something every day that will be of value to you. And sometimes you know, there are I can't say for obvious reasons, but sometimes there are interviews that, even with some high profile people I've done that just were what were the word A fucking train wreck. I'll be honest, and I can't use it.

I can't use it, won't use it. It's not gonna not going to do me or you any good. It's not going to do that person any good, And so we just figure it out. So today is you and me. Today is And I know I didn't need to say any of that, and clearly I just press the go button and start recording and talk. And I think that some of you like that organicness, that this is not scripted,

This is not Craig reading off anything. And like, I know what I'm going to talk about today, but between pressing the go button and getting to the stuff that I'm actually going to talk about and share with you, that space could sometimes that could be one minute of

a ramble or ten minutes of a ramble. But I feel that it's important that I give you a peek behind the door of what happens at the U Project and in my world and the practical, real world reality of trying to produce good content three hundred and sixty five days of the year while not going insane, while doing a PhD, while traveling around the country, while writing a bunch of academic papers and a thesis, and all of those things. And it's just no complaining or sooking

here at all. I'm very very privileged, I'm very blessed, and I'm very very grateful for my life. However, it's a lot. It's a lot, and so you know, so every time I sit down to do this, it's one it's an honor and a privilege, but also it's something that I need to get myself in the right space so that when I show up to do what I'm about to do now, which is just a really the actual content part of this is probably going to be somewhere around fifteen to twenty minutes, but is really just

something of value to you. And it's just a brief coaching session, all right, So here we go. So I'm about to share with you some of the questions that I use on a daily basis. I've covered some of these before, but this is probably just a good little what is this like, a good little kind of grouping of them. That's not the right word. What am I calling a good little list? A fucking hate list? But anyway, it's a list, I guess of questions that I use

on a daily basis, if not almost daily basis. And I've used these questions since the nineties, or some of these questions since the nineties when I was a personal trainer, conditioning coach, and more back in that space. But They are the kind of questions that kind of transcend just fitness and health and they can kind of spill into every and any component of your existence. So here we go. So question one is Question one is what specifically do

you want to change? So everyone that comes to me for a consult, everyone that came to me over the years as a potential client or member or whatever scenario I was in. Every person comes to me because there's something about their life, their situation, their habits, their body, their relationships, their mindset, their outcomes, the real world results, their operating system, their habits, their internal dialogue. There's something

that isn't working, There's something that needs to change. And so when I sit down with somebody, I want to really dig into what that is that needs to change. So tell me what you want to change, and I need as much detail as possible. The more detail we have, the more clarity we have, the more focus we have, the more ment, the more momentum we create, the better the results we create over the long term. So when someone says to me something like, you know, I just

want to I just want to be healthier. Cool? What does that mean though? Does that mean you want to be able to run five kilometers. Does that mean you want a lower resting heart rate? Does that mean you want less back pain? Does that mean you want lower blood pressure? Does that mean you want to change your body composition? You want more muscle and less fat? Does that mean that you want to change the way that

you eat? Do you want to sleep better? Do you want to have more do you want to have more energy? And So when we have something which is really broad and vague and gray and not black and white, not clear, not specific, one, it's very hard to create a plan and execute a plan around that because the target is so fucking vague and two, the less likely we are

to actually change anything over the long term. For me, I've always found both personally for me but also with my clients and the people that I work with, the more clarity, the more specificity, the the greater the focus on the individual thing or things, then the more likely we are to build an operating system around that that's actually going to work. So number one is what do

you want to change specifically? Number two is not going to be a shocker, and that is why that's going to be why why do you want to do it? So in goals, we always talk about the what. That's the thing I want. The goal is the thing I want. It's my what. But the driver, the reason, the motivation, the underlying catalyst, like what actually because the why is the real motivator. That's the thing that you really want.

There's the thing that I say I want. For example, i want a job where i earn two hundred grand a year and I'm in a different place with a better boss. So I'm earning more money, I'm in a new new environment, and I've got a better boss. That's my goal. That's my what. But it's not totally about the new environment or the new boss, or the new money or the increased wage. It's about what I think all that stuff will do for me. What I think

it'll do for me. It's the reason behind that particular target. So I think I have a belief that if, for example, in this theoretical example, if I'm making more dough, if I've got a better boss, if I'm in a new environment, I'm going to be happier. I'm going to be more content, I'm going to sleep better, I'm going to enjoy going to work. I'm not going to have the same level of stress and overthinking and anxiety and all of that stuff. Life will be better. I will be better bibberdy Bobby boot.

And so what I think is my belief is that if I number one, if I get my what, which is new job, news, new environment, then my why will also be met. That is, when I create that external shift new boss, new situation, new wage, then my internal situation happiness, joy less anxiety, less stress, more purpose, more contentment, blah blah blah, then that that will be fixed or that will be resolved, Those internal issues will be resolved because I'm going to create some kind of external shift.

Now that might happen, that might not happen, But it's always good to to put that initial goal, that initial what, under the spotlights so that we can really unpack it to see if we've set our sights on the right target, on the right goal. So, for example, when I was morbidly obese, my what was my what was lose thirty kilos? That was my what? My why was? I want to be more attractive to someone. I want to be included socially. I don't want to be isolated. I want someone to

pay attention to me. I want better self esteem. I want to be emotionally less broken all of these things that all of these internal things that I thought that external weight loss would change. It certainly didn't hurt, but at the same time, it didn't resolve all of those emotional and or psychological and sociological issues. So one is what do you want too? Is why do you want it? Number three is what happened last time? So last time that you tried to do this or do a version

of this, what happened? Because if we basically just press the reset button and do the same thing the same way with the same mindset or pretty close to the same thing the same way with the same mindset, guess what kind of outcome we're going to produce. So the question is what did I learn last time? What happened last time? What did I do well? And what did I not do well? And what will I do this time that is different to last time which will produce

or hopefully help me produce a different outcome. So number one is what do I want? Number two is why do I want it? Number three is what did I do last time or what happened last time? And what do I need to do differently this time? Because I'm guessing. For a lot of you, the goal that you are thinking of or the thing that you want to change. If you're in the majority, then you've tried to change this, or you've tried to do something like this or achieve

this goal or a goal like this previously. Yet here we are thinking about I better hit the reset button. So we need to learn from our previous experiences, good or bad. Number four is how uncomfortable will you get? And I probably speak about getting uncomfortable every second, third, or fourth podcast, and some of you are probably so

sick of that. But you know, the truth is this that the majority of people are somewhat addicted to, or enamored with, or in pursuit of comfort and convenience and certainty and predictability, and none of those things are empowering on an emotional and a psychological level in terms of your growth. Where we tend to learn, grow, adapt, evolve, become a better version of us is when we are in mess, in the mayhem, in the discomfort, in the uncertain,

in the unknown. And that doesn't mean life spin got to be an ongoing shitfest. It just means that sometimes we need to lean into the pain a little bit. Some short term pain for some long term gain, so that not only do we create the outcome that we want to create because we're doing the hard things. So there's the practical measurable outcome, which is a reward in itself. But the other reward is who we become in the

middle of the mess. Who you become when you push back, Who you become when you choose to do the thing that scares you, when you choose courage, when you choose inconvenience, when you choose to delay gratification and not push that

dopamine button or the dopamine mutton. When you push the dopamine button repeatedly while you're giving yourself some short term pleasure, you're disadvantaging yourself in terms of your own growth and your own capacity to build resilience and competence under pressure. Number five is what's your plan? Number five is the

how how will you get this done? Sure, you're motivated, now, you know what you want, You've got some clarity, you've acknowledged what happened last time, You've learned through that you're going to do something different, and you put up your hand and said, yep, it won't be fun, quick, easy, or painless. I'm okay with that. I'm going to do the work. What is the work? What does the work

look like? How will you get the job done? The emotion of motivation and excitement and inspiration is really good, but it's also short term. So I want you to acknowledge the emotion, lean into the motivation and the inspiration, but also be logical and strategic. What is your plan? What is your timeline? What is your structure? How will you stay accountable? What is your process? What is the protocol that will work for you? Not the other bloke, not the other girl, not the dude across the road,

not the online guy that you saw. What will work for you? Because different things work, even to create the same outcome, Different things work for different people. So you're trying to figure out what is optimal for Craig Harper because you ain't me and I ain't you, But what is optimal for you? So what's your plan? And when you're not motivated, when you're not inspired, and when you've forgotten all of these words, which is just a matter of time, how will you stay doing the thing that

you need to do? Number six on my little list is what are your barriers. What are your practical, mental and or emotional barriers? What are the things that might get in the way, What are the things that got in the way last time? What historically have you struggled with, what's been a hurdle, what's been a mental and or emotional or practical issue for you? Will tie this in with number seven, and what's your plan to navigate that? What's your plan to overcome that stuff or at least

be able to recognize it and coexist with it. So, for example, one of my barriers has been historically I'm a little better these days, but self doubt, overthinking, underdoing, and so I have learned to navigate situations, circumstances, environments, challenges, phases of growth. I've learned to navigate all of those things, being able to coexist with my own insecurity and self doubt. I know that I can't just switch it off. I

know that, And it's much better these days. And it's a one or two out of ten mostly a not a kind of paralyzing nine out of ten self doubt. But we need to be able to recognize what in the past has been a limitation, a hurdle, be that mental, emotional, practical. But what has been a thing that is typical? Has it just been the fact that you always get two, three,

four weeks in and you lose focus, you lose motivation. Cool, then that's all about, as I said in my previous point, that is all about creating some kind of accountability system so that next time when you lose focus and motivation and inspiration, which is just part of the human experience and very normal, doesn't make you bad or weak or flawed or broken. It makes you kind of like me, makes you kind of like a lot of other people. But you need to recognize and realize that I have

a history of starting things that I don't finish. Why are the reasons or the reason? What is the reason or reas that I don't finish? And how do I plan for that? Now? How do I plan for that? Now? Let me do two more so? Is your end game is your ultimate? When we go through the what and the why, and then we dig even deeper, is the intention? Is the goal? Is the hope? Is the aspiration? Happiness? Is that the end game for you? And if not? Then what? So? I think that we have this? This

is just me thinking out loud. This is not formal research. But I feel like we have this misunderstanding of happiness and the practical reality of happiness, and like that we will do some things, will create some outcomes, we'll set some goals, we'll tick some boxes, and then we And I know a lot of you don't think this, because you're quite advanced on your personal growth journey. But there are a percentage of people who think that happiness is a state that we can just get in and stay in.

And while that seems really good, I see virtually no evidence for that. Even some of the happiest people that I know still battle self doubt, good days, bad days, peaks and troughs, occasional anxiety, occasional stress, occasional sadness, occasional emotional distress. Even some of the happier people, and I would say that I am typically I don't know. See, even the definition of happiness is a funny thing because and this is one of the subjective realities of emotions.

Like what I might call contentment, somebody else might be experiencing the exact same thing. How would we know, though, But they could call that calm. Somebody else could be experiencing the exact same thing, And they don't call it contentment or calm. They call it joy. Somebody else calls it happiness. Anyway, the bottom line is, I guess we can all agree that we want to be in a

good place psychologically and emotionally. Now, whatever label we give that good place, that state, that state of joy or calm or contentment or happiness or periodic euphoria, we might even call that. You know. One of the interesting things is I've spoken with many people and over the time, when we get through all of the smoke and mirrors

and all the stuff, they don't want specifically. What they do want is they just want less anxiety because their constant state, or their semi permanent ste or their regular somewhat regular state is one of existing in that anxiety.

That is, you know, soul destroying, isn't it. So when you think about the stuff that you want to do, be create change, and you go want to own that or earn that, or weigh that or do that, and then your why as well, I want that because that will change this and I'll feel that and that when we get through all of that, what's the end goal

for you? What is it? What is it that you really want for me if you say, well, harps, I don't really know what you're talking about for you, So I guess I for me that contentment, and I guess satisfaction and confidence that I know that I'm doing the right thing. And this sounds a bit nap and cheesy, so feel free to believe me or not believe me. But I've tried, as I've said before, or I've tried selfishness, I've tried focusing on me, me being the center of

my universe. I know that if I don't have somewhat transcendent thinking, that is, I don't have bigger than me thinking, I don't have a purpose bigger than me, an objective bigger than me, and that involves serving and helping and loving others. That for me, I never get close to that date or that space of being where I feel like I am emotionally, mentally and spiritually in the right place. And I guess my last question is will you start today?

Will you start today? And if you won't start today, And I'm not trying to leverage you or emotionally blackmail you, but think about why that is now? When I say will you start today, I'm not talking about your life upside down on making massive decisions or you know, creating a new protocol. By lunchtime, I'm just talking about will you do something today? It could be a really small thing, but it could be it could be something that opens a door, that creates some momentum that is the beginning

of that little thing might be the beginning of something bigger. Anyway, Team, I hope you got something out of that. I feel like I might have waffled a little bit. That's one of the challenges of talking to yourself in a room. You know. It's funny is it's five thirty three now, and when I started, it was bright in this room, and now it's getting dark, and now I'm squinting at the fucking screen. Ah hallelujah. All right, Team, enough from me. You have a great week. See you soon.