I got you, Bloody Champions. She's a mental health fitness coach or a mental fitness coach. She's a counselor. She's an acceptance and commitment therapy practitioner, and she's a Japanese psychology practitioner. She's the better half of the Paul Taylor and Carly Taylor. She's the smarter, she's the better collaboration. We'll call it a marriage, but fuck it.
Hi Carly, Hi, thanks for having me.
Oh, thanks for being hat Should we say like to tif Tiffany and Cook who was part of a polygamous arrangement with a cat and a dog. It's I don't know if it's technically polygamy, but you are in a very happy kind of trilogy.
Yeah. Yeah, we have lots of love here.
Carly. How are you?
I'm good? I'm really good.
What's her? Is Carl's volume loud enough? Tiff good?
Is it?
Okay? Okay?
Good?
He gumdrops? What have you been up to? You've just been out, you know, doing God work, just helping the masses.
Do you know something I have been up to is I've joined CrossFit, so CrossFit three times a week with the family, and it's just it's just been brilliant. I never thought that I would be saying that about CrossFit, but it's it's something I'm looking forward to every week. And I go with the kids and I go with the husband as well, so it's a family thing.
That we do. Oh the husband, I've heard of him. Yeah, I mean, I'm not pro or anti most of those things. I think it's finding the right product, or the right class, or the right program for your needs. And like people I get asked, it's like I get like you probably like TIV, probably, what do you think of Paleo? What do you think of CrossFit? What do you think of it forty five? What do you think of you know?
Whatever I love about it is this is the second CrossFit gym that I've been to. I was at one before COVID HIT. But I I love the culture of this gym because I'm certainly on the scale, Like there's some really strong athletes in and it scales down to me. I'm always at the back of the pack running, but they are so welcoming. The culture of the place is brilliant and everything's modified, so I feel well looked after.
I don't feel like I've got to push, you know, to pack the weight on, and very much about techniques. So yeah, I'm really loving it and I love the environment of it, and I think that makes a huge difference.
You know. It's funny you say that when we think about like there's so much it's probably just who I follow, but I get so much stuff coming in to my awareness on the social media is people selling programs and gyms and guys and girls trying to teach personal trainers how to make dough and how to make gyms more profitable. But very rarely to people talk about how do we build a culture, how do we build an environment that people want to be in, Like, let's not focus on
the money for a minute. Let's not focus on the numbers for a minute. Let's focus on building a place, an environment, a situation, a culture that people look forward to going to. And I recently opened the Ignite Fitness Business summit in Melbourne at Crown for mel Tempest and a whole bunch of other amazing people were there, and
my presentation was around that. It was around I think it was called the Psychology of the Client, and I was just talking about understanding what people actually want and what I love is that you didn't go. Oh, the equipment's great, the dumb bells, the kettle bells. You didn't go. The battle ropes are fucking amazing. The programs are really well written. You went, Oh, it's just a really good place.
Like you spoke about being recognized and culture and being embraced, and it's so funny that there's so little attention paid to that, yet it's so important. Tis got her finger up. Yes, yeah.
I want to know, Charlie, what was your perception that you thought you wouldn't connect with with cross fit before you went?
That would have been around the competitive side of it, because I'm not a competitive person, and I think in the past, I don't know whether it's my age or I've just evolved, but I don't I'm not comparing myself as much to other people, and I think in the past I wouldn't have gone to a CrossFit gym because I would have gone, oh, well, this this girl's my age and she's lifting this, and it's kind of highlighting my all kind of the negative stuff about myself. But
now I don't know if it's this particular gym. But you walk into this gym, everyone says hi to you, and it doesn't matter if they're the you know, there's one girl who's got tats up to a net, and there's a mum in there, and there's different guys of different shapes and sizes. Everyone's just so welcoming. Everyone works hard and at their own pace where everyone's sweating at the end of it, and there's a lot of sweaty fish pups and high fives at the end as well.
So I think that's I think it started off that my kids were going to it, so I just kept dropping them off and then going home and doing the dishes, and I was thinking, well, if I'm dropping them off, I may as well just stay there, because they had a team adult class, So that's kind of my initial reason for going was it was something I could do with the kids. And then then Paul joined, and yeah, it's been great.
I think it's really important to try to at least build, and not just in gyms, but any organization. You know, you talk to SOD to Stiff. We all at various stages. We're in front of teams and groups and organizers and that whole kind of you know, that meta perception, my PhD stuff, what's it like being around me. More broadly, what's it like being in this place? Do we have a team that people feel comfortable to be part of.
Have I built an environment as much as I can or a destination that people want to come to every day to people get excited about going to work. Do they feel valued, scene loved, appreciated.
Yeah.
I think whether it's a CrossFit or a regular gym or any job. It's funny how much attention and focus isn't really paid carly to that stuff. It's like that, you know. I know we have a HR department in most organizations, and I know we talk about these.
Things sometimes it's the really simple things. I do a yoga as well, and that's something that I haven't done in the past, but I love this yoga studio. And she has this very small little ritual that she does is she offers tea. At the end of it, she says, does anyone want to stay for tea? And she's got this beautiful Japanese tea pot and it's on an open
little flame, and it's just such a lovely touch. And even though I don't often stay for a cup of tea, it's just nice for her to offer that and have that kind of really simple connection at the end of it. It's a simple things.
So if you get a fair few people along to your boxing groups, and I know that you've got good boxing skills, and I know that you work in the gym with good equipment, but I would guess that that's part of it, but most of it is that you just create an environment that people feel safe to be in and want to be in.
Yeah, when I run my boxing workshops, that's exactly what I intend, and that's exactly what people come for. They come and we go for lunch afterwards and wet and people travel so far for that, and the boxing is just the thing, the thing around it. It's that I don't know, you tell a story about it, but what keeps you coming back is And I was just interested in asking Karlie about that because we all have perceptions of especially when you hear something like CrossFit, we have
this perception before we've experienced it, but they do. They do. Really the ones I've been to really cheer you on. And it's competitive, but it's self competitive, and so it was nice to hear you know that you experienced that.
Yeah, yeah, definitely, And I think, especially after COVID, even though it does feel like it was a long time ago, we were taken out of that kind of club environment where we had strong connections. And there are a lot of people who their whole life was around, you know, whether it was a sporting club or whether it was
church or whatever kind of place where people gathered. And I think, especially with social media now, where even though we are the most connected, we're also the most disconnected. So I'm just loving being in that environment and being connected with people.
I think there's something that you can't get well, clearly the physiology, but there's something that you can't get online, Like it's nice to catch up with you too right now, but it's nicer to catch up in person, you know. And I think that you know, online meetings and the capacity we now have with Zoom and the like to be able to have meetings and have conversations and even consultations and all of that, I think it's definitely a valuable tool and a valuable resource. But you know that
depending on the person, of course. But nothing's better than a hug, you know, or nothing's better than sitting down at a coffee table with someone looking them in the eye and like being able to have that three D experience for me anyway. I mean the online stuff is good, but I guess maybe it varies personal person Carly, Yeah.
Yeah, definitely. But when you are when you're actually physically with somebody, you do have that eye contact. You've also got the the movements of the body and like there's just even the aromas and like there's some sensory things that go on that we don't even realize, and it's
so important for that connection and for bonding. I mean, I see most of my clients over zoom, I really feel often and look, it's worked, but I often feel that there is that that's kind of what's missing, is that physical contact of just being in the same space together.
Yeah. We for most of until COVID, you know, every year we had a big camp at Mantaalizer, which was we only have one hundred and thirty spots, and every year it was sold out months ahead, so we take one hundred and thirty people away. Tests been on multiple of them. And it's funny because I don't really say anything on those those camps or those retreats, programs, whatever you want to call it, that people couldn't hear on
a podcast. You know, it's like, you know, when whoever the Eagles come out, or whoever it is, you know, Dua Loopa, whoever it is comes out, you know, you go out and you hear their music or Pink or you know, Teyte whoever it is, Like it's you can hear those songs somewhere else and it's probably even better quality,
but it's not the same. And I was always curious around that, Why does so many people come and they would come from all over Australia to spend forty eight hours with us and to have this immersive experience where it's the same guy saying a lot of the same
things that they've heard multiple times. But it has a different effect or a different impact when that person's in front of you, or when you can ask them a question in real time, or when you know you can you can hang out and just connect and there's no button to push display or to stop or you know.
I think that despite the ever the rapid advancement of AI and technology in the ever evolving tech world that we live in, I don't think there's ever going to be a replacement for that three D version of the human experience.
Yeah, I think even though you had one hundred and thirty people there, there there was still an intimacy there. Yes, And that's what's missing on tech. I mean, and I were talking about the whole AI think, and you know you can you can actually with chat GPT, you can actually have a full on conversation, and they really it today encourages you. It's like you're going to smash it, you know. Yeah, it's like it's like, yeah, that's you rock. It's like, but it's AI. It's not a real person.
And I think this is the danger that we can go into, especially for our young people, because they're connecting physically less and less with their peers and it's more online and now AI is coming, especially for those kids who are who are more introverted and will tend to kind of avoid that physical interaction and go with technology. And that might be a short term kind of avoidant strategy for them, but long term that's not going to serve them well.
And I don't think that's going away or it's not going away, and it's it's evolving by the minute. And I mean I do that too, not I don't chat to my AI but not. But I will still ask a question politely, do you know what I mean? Like I'm talking, and when I get a really good response, I'll say thanks. And one day, one day, my AI just started calling me Craig. Wow, yeah, see that, Hi Craig, How can I help? I'm like, hey, bro, how did
you tell my name? You know? And and I don't know about anyone else's, but my AI sounds to me, to my ear exactly like Tim Ferriss. So when I talk to my AI, I feel like my AIC. I'm in a relationship. It's my third best friend. But I understand. You know, it's It's interesting, isn't it, because and I know this wasn't where we were going to go, but we'll get where we were going to go or not.
But you think about, well, is it bad if somebody who is otherwise lonely and disconnected and isolated has this conversation in inverted commas or this company in inverted commas, and one of the byproducts of that is that they're a bit happy or a bit less anxious, or a bit less lonely, or they feel more connected. I mean, you can't really say unequivocally it's always a bad thing, right, Yeah.
But I wonder, and I'm sure there'll be research on this at some stage, but I wonder whether that feeling of connection or happiness with an AI is just that short term relief, because as soon as they switch that off, they still have to face those those emotions that they have, whether they've got social anxiety or the fear that comes up,
is still going to be there. So it could almost become a bit of an addiction to keep coming back, because it means they're avoiding what's out there in the big wide world.
Oh but also, yeah, I agree with you, But also people get addicted to people, don't they. Yeah, I mean people stay with people who are toxic and unhealthy and fucking sociopathic. They stay in toxic relationships for a range of reasons. But I've spoken to a bunch of people who have kind of said to me that they were addicted to a person and it almost wouldn't have mattered what that person did to them. They wouldn't have left,
you know, eventually, you know they did. But Hey, I wanted to talk to you today about the idea I rang you earlier, essentially around so that maybe the title of this episode I'm not sure we're leading a horse to water, but around the idea that that we can only we can only offer advice, we can only encourage and support people. We can only share thoughts and ideas and strategies and data and information. But none of us, as coaches or whatever we are, can do the work
for anyone. We can't have discipline for anyone. We can't have self control for someone. We can't make the decisions, we can't get up tomorrow and go for a run for them. We can't be inspired for them. Right, And so there's there's you know, it's like when and I've had many times people say you changed my life, and every single time I say, no, I didn't. Thank you. That's very nice and my ego loves that. But I didn't change your life. You changed your life. You know.
I shared some thoughts and ideas and encouragement, but you made the decisions, you did the work, You showed the resilience, you were consistent, you persevered, you ask great questions and you didn't give up. And here you are and that was all you.
You know, I'm saying there with my clients, it's the clients who have had the best results are the ones who have been intrinsically motivated to do the work, and most of them do do this. The toughest clients that I have would be when someone else has suggested that they do coaching and have kind of almost been coerced with the best intentions to sign up. And they are my toughest clients. And it's why I will say right at the start that will not work unless you do
the work. I mean, it's very action orientated, because otherwise it's, as you say, I'm not there. I'm not going to be dragging them out of bed. I'm not going to be making their breakfast and getting them out the door to go for a run.
Yeah. And I also think, you know, while being supportive and encouraging and all of those things, we also can say, by the way, it's going to suck sometimes, and it's not going to be fun. It's not going to be painless, it's not going to be convenient. Sometimes it might be periodically fucking horrible. But that's okay, you know, because we want to be supportive and encouraging and positive, but also practical and realistic. Yes, yeah, you know, it.
Has to be You're right, it has to be realistic. And that's why I with the coaching that I do, I work on the thoughts and the emotions that come up up and that's kind of that's the first part.
I mean, there's always an action at the end of it, but because there's always going to be some kind of barrier, and if we go back to like old habits, it's like there's a thought there like this is going to be hard, you know, and it's very easy for that little inner voice to go, We'll just go back, go back to what you know, yes, And the hardest thing is to kind of move through that and just allow those thoughts to be there, allow the emotion to come up,
but do the action anyway. And that's where the acceptance part comes in. But it's the hardest part because nobody likes to feel uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel anxious or have fear or any things. It's that whole motivation like action first, and then the motivation comes. Yeah.
I always say to people, watch your post motivation strategy and they're like what, ah, like that, Yeah, what's your post motivation strategy? They're like, what does that mean? I go, well, when you're not motivated, which will probably be I don't know, Wednesday, what are you doing on that day? Because you are not going to stay. If we're talking about motivation being an emotional state or a heightened sense of excitement or whatever, what we generally regard as I am motivated, I'm in
the zone, I'm pumped, I'm excited. Well that's not lasting. So when that happens, whether that's tomorrow or next month, when that happens, what will you do then? And people look at me like, I go, you really need to plan for that because that is coming. Yes, if you think you're going to ride this fucking wave of motivation
for the next forty years, think again, you know. And I just think there needs to be that very that's almost that, you know, that stoic mindset of like sometimes this will just be sucky and that is all right. And when the motivation is there, by the way, awesome, you know, milkot ride that wave to the beach. But when it goes, we can't go. Well, you know what
we can. But if we're only proactive, productive and effective when we're in the zone, well we're fucked over the long term because nobody's that forever.
Yeah, yeah, And I think that there requires a lot of self awareness there, doesn't it, because when so often we are driven by our feelings. Yes, they're so fused with those feelings that I don't feel like going out for a run today, Therefore I won't, whereas you can go, well, I don't feel like a run today, but I have a reason to do it, tapping into that reason, values or purpose or whatever it is. I will put my shoes on, I put my trees on, put my gear on,
and I will get out the door. And nine times out of ten, once you get going, you're all good. It's the starting that's the hardest part.
I think Carly and Tiff and everyone else, I think we give this is this is very Craig harpersm. But we give ourselves to get a psychological and emotional get out of jail card. You know. It's like, ah, well you know this or that or but and I've said this probably too many times, but Tiff knows Joel and Joel's been. Has Joel been on your show? TIF?
Yep?
So Joel Sarti, who's a friend of ours, who was a soldier frontline, you know, in the war in Afghanistan, came home, had an accident, fell down some stairs, broke his neck, and you know, so now he lives life in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. And you know the thing, when I'm thinking about mindset, right, I think about someone like Joel, and I think, well, Joel, See, Joel doesn't have the opportunity to get up today and say I'm not doing quadriplegia. He doesn't have the option to say,
you know, fuck that wheelchair. I'll do the wheelchair next Monday. But this week I'm just going to walk. I can't be using the wheelchair. I'm not in the mindset. I don't have the attitude like things are a bit you know, I'm going to do the wheelchair next No, he doesn't have the choice. So every day there's no kind of thought that I won't do this because it's not an option. And so for me, it's like, how do we get that?
And I know that's an extreme example, but the bottom line is most of us could pretty much turn our life around today in terms of thinking and behaving and decision making an outcome given the right set of circumstances or perhaps the wrong set, if you know what I mean. You know, but when the consequence is not enough. We go, oh fuck, I'll start Monday. But you know, it's like the person who says, oh, I can't give up whatever,
you know, junk food. If the next time they ate junk food they knew they were going to drop dead twenty four hours later, they would never eat junk food. But that's not the case, right, you know. So we know that we have the ability to do awesome and to turn our life around and to create a different operating system, but we also know that it's going to suck. So we have this story I'll start soon boom, and now I'm fifty and I never fucking started. Yeah.
And I think there's an optimism bias there because when we look long term, especially with men, I think men think they've got this shield of steel on it. It's all going to be fine in the future, and two years time, I'm going to be healthier and I'm going to be fitter. Therefore it doesn't matter if I have
the doughnut now, because I'll be fine. But not having that awareness that what you do today and every single day is actually going to dictate what your position, your health in two years time, I think it's hard for people just the way our brains are wired far ahead count it well.
And I think also there's no day to day. I mean the good and bad is day to day. We can kind of do bullshit to our bodies and for the most part, we get away with it, and sometimes we get away with it for fucking decades and you're like, what are you talking about. I've been doing bullshit to my body forever. I'm fine. And by the way, and even if I had to, I could turn this shit around quickly if I had to. But you know, and by the way, Carl, you've got to have a life. Yes, you have a life, Carli.
And that's the that's the challenging one because it's interesting because I if I ate donuts every day, I would feel really, really sick, Like it just doesn't. I guess in that respect, I'm kind of motivated to eat healthy food because I know I've got a short term impact on me because it feel good. Where if somebody just has a junk food addiction and they don't actually feel anything, then it's harder for them to be motivated to change.
Yeah, And we're not trying to be judgmental here, it's like, I'm just I'm fascinated with human potential, fascinated. I'm fascinated with what people can do when either they have no option or they believe they have no option. You know, And I've told this too many times, but I probably haven't told you, but my dad, you know, drank too much, ate too much, moved too little for fucking ever, then had a heart attack at seventy two, and then had a quadruple bypass and came out of that like a
new man. Like he had no self control issues, no WheelPower issues, no time management issues, because he was fucking terrified of dying. So the guy who just couldn't get his shit together got his shit together completely and lost heart. I know, twenty five kilos in a few months, walked every day and halved his food and reduced his booze by eighty percent. And that was the same guy that I was trying to get to do a version of that for twenty years leading up to the heart attack.
Has the heart attack, gets faced with his mortality, shits himself metaphorically, is terrified and now all of a sudden, that's like Craig, tell me what to do, Like, you know, but pre heart attack to post heart attack. He didn't have any more potential, he didn't have any more resources, he didn't have any more hours in a day. But what he did have was a completely different worldview. Yeah.
Yeah, it's a completely different attitude.
Now what frustrates me is he could have done that twenty years earlier.
He didn't at that time in his worldview, have a compelling reason to do that.
Yeah, And isn't it funny that you would think living long and healthy is not a compelling reason?
Yes?
Yeah, yeah, but I think that's where this optimism advice comes in. It's like, it probably wasn't in his reality that that was going to happen. Everything okay, and then all of a sudden, I mean it's a very common story. Yeah, it's you know, they have the heart attack or they get the big CEA and then all of a sudden, it's like okay, I'll change.
Yeah. What's the breakdown of your clients male slash female? Like? What percentage? Is it mainly women?
It is mainly women?
Yeah, why do you reckon that? Like we were talking about this recently, I don't know was I talking to you about it? Tiff? About how many dudes? How many ladies? Come to my things. Anyway.
I've talked about it, not recently.
Yeah, the majority of like I did a gig last week, Yeah, the weekend before lasting menygo open to the public, Ali and eighty five percent of the people who came with ladies. And I always asked this question, you know, put up your hand if you're a bloke who's been dragged here against your will. There's always a bunch of blokes because you know there's a woman in their life going. You need to listen to Craig Harper or whatever it is, right, you need to get your shit together, you need to
come to this. And they don't want to be there, and I feel bad. I feel bad for them. But what's your theory either of you? But we'll start with you, Carly. What's your theory around why perhaps ladies are more open to personal growth for one of a better term?
Gosh, I think that's a that's a tricky one because I don't I don't. I haven't sort of looked at any research on this, but I know from men tend to be and I kind of know if this is the right thing to say, but really focused and busy on work where women are more are nurturing, and you know they might be. Yes, there are working women as well, they tend to have a more nurturing kind of side
to them. And also I think women tend to when you know, if they meet for a coffee, they're very, very open that will talk about they will go through the layers a bit and talk about personal stuff, where the typical guy who's going to the hub, they'll talk about the sport or kind of more top level stuff. So and look, that's just my sort of subjective opinion there.
Yeah, but that's all we're about, I think. Correct me if you think I'm wrong with either of you on this. But I feel like, not always, but more often than with women, a lot of men get a sense of self and self worth and identity through their job, yeah, you know, and what they do, whereas you know, women not so much. I mean, obviously, lots of women have great jobs, and there's lots of powerful women in industry
and blah blah blah. But I feel like men get their confidence from you know, stuff more than and again that could be this coming from a bloke by the way, So.
Yes, Tiff, yeah, I think relative to what both of you said when you ask that question, I would say women tend to get to a point where they go, I'm ready to fix or improve me, and men go, I've got to fix this so and your stuff is literally the U project. It's if you're ready to fix your shit. And men kind of I feel like they are fixers and doers, but they probably look outward not inward.
Yeah, I want to get all the dudes in Australia and just go, bro. It's like, you don't know how liberating it is to go, I'm a fuck with and I'm the problem, not always, not in every instance, but I'm the problem here. I did the wrong thing. I'm scared. I don't know, try this with me all the men. I don't know. Fucking hell that doesn't come out of too many men's mouth. I fucked it up, you know.
And it's not about self loathing. And obviously sometimes I'm not the problem, and sometimes I don't fuck up, but there are lots of times when I am the problem. I am the issue, or my habit is the issue, and my thinking is the issue. And I think that you know, we're not trying to throw ourselves under the bus or to to immerse ourselves in self loathing but rather self awareness. And we can't work on the thing that we won't acknowledge, you know, we can't improve the
thing that we won't own up to. And if you're being a fuck with but pretending you're not, well, you're still being a fuck with. It doesn't matter the rest of us know, you know. And I just think that when you do well, give yourself a pat on the back. When you fuck up, go fucked up. I want to do better, you know. For me that that has been
very liberating, you know, and also it's amazing. Not only is it personally liberating, but to my complete surprise, it actually builds much better rapport with an audience than the other way.
Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's interesting what you were saying about the guys being dragged to your workshops, because you wonder what happens after that, because I would say that that's the first step, like they've actually come along. They haven't said no, so there is a bit of coercion there, But you don't know whether that has been just that little drop of motivation, that's just all the seeds being planted, and then they go away and make some sort of change.
But it's definitely. People don't like to be told what to do. They like to believe what comes out of their mouth, not out of somebody else's. And I think that's where you know, when people are being told what to do versus figuring it out themselves. And of course that comes with the questioning really yes, and being able to develop or increase that self awareness and have and a bit of flexible thinking. Yes, a lot of the time there's this fixed thinking and the blinkers are up
and they're not seeing the whole perspective of their life. Yes, And it can be hard, It can be really hard if somebody is really their habits of step set in stone and they have got somebody going well if you change this, you change this. That can even bring up fear, that can bring up identity kind of issues, and if they've been stuck in their ways for so long. So there's so many nuances I think with that.
And we like to think we're open minded, but not many of us are truly open minded. Because if you really and I'm putting myself in the basket, like, knowing about awareness or open mindedness or consciousness doesn't mean you're open minded or aware or conscious, right, It's like I under stand or I know about some things, but I
don't truly understand them. But I think you're right in that when we get our sense of identity from a certain way of thinking, or a certain belief, or a certain spiritual paradigm or whatever it is like, And it could be CrossFit is the best way to train. If you don't do CrossFit, you've got it wrong. It could be being a vegan. If you eat meat, you're a bad human. You're going to Karma is going to kick
you in the dick. Or it could be you know, if you're not if you haven't accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior, you're going to burn in an eternal lake of fire. Right, there's so many And when you believe whatever it is that you believe, and I've said this too many times, but you truly believe that you are right, then you automatically believe that everyone in the world who disagrees with you is wrong right, And that's
a precarious stance. And also when you believe that you are right about, absolutely, unequivocally right about something for which you have no actual proof or evidence, then you know and your identity is intertwined with that belief. Then now you're pretty much unteachable. Yeah, yeah, you can't be taught anything new because you know, and if I don't agree with you, i'm wrong. So whereas I'm like, oh my god, I'm being wrong about so many things for decades, now
I'm much more. I used to think I knew more when I was in my twenties than I do now. Like I genuinely thought I knew not everything, but I thought my knowledge was pretty vast. You know, by the time I'd been working in the gym industry and training people and talk about all the shit I took that ten years in, I thought, yeah, I'm my knowledge is vast. And now thirty years later, I'm like, fucking noll, I don't know one percent of what there is to know.
And that's not me being falsely humble. I just know that. It's oh my god. When I opened the PhD door, I went, oh, okay, I'm an actual idiot, you know, because I'm in a new space. I'm doing new things with new people, I'm learning a new language, I'm reading new things. I'm like, fuck ow and this is you know, and I'm in the psychology space. Studying a drop of water in an ocean of knowledge and an ocean of research and an ocean of science. And I'm studying a
drop of water for five years. And you know, so I come out being an expert in inverted commas asterisk in that drop of water. And by the way, I'll get surpassed ten minutes after I finished my PhD. You know. But you've got to know that, and you've got to be okay with that.
Yeah, yeah, And I think people struggle with change when they don't have the knowledge or they don't have the interest as well. Yes, and they're so I think it also is hard today because people are, well, we're so busy, but we're also so distracted to like we anytime we have space, we can be scrolling on social media or watching the news or whatever. And so people think they don't have time to change, They don't have time to exercise, don't have time to think about the food. But actually
it's looking where their attention is going. Yes, So attention is energy. It's like how you live your life is what you're paying attention to. So if you're not paying attention to the fact that your doctor is saying to you that if you don't change your lifestyle, you're going to end up with a heart attack. Can you just walk out of the room and just start watching the news, then then that's how you're going to live, and that's
the path that you're going to take. A lot of this is about where your attention is.
Going, Yes it is, and where you're Like where your attention is, you know, where your what your mind is focused on, what you're you know, your emotion are there, your body's there, you know, And yeah, that's so that's such an interesting thing to think about, Like where my mind is is where I am and I might physically be in a situation, but in a way not even there so to speak.
Yeah, that's right, And that kind of goes into that passive living versus active living, and so many people are living passively now and I think that that kind of brings into the health as well. It's like it's when you are living passively and you're not actively involved in your life, you are more likely to be sententory. You're more likely to be reaching for the easy, processed foods, whereas if you can step back and go right, I'm going to take control over my choices. Even if it's
a small step. Then that means that you start living actively your life.
So go, I'm sorry, God, say.
There's a question I would ask if a client was really struggling with motivation to change, even if they knew they had to change, they just can't seem to do the behaviors. I would ask them that question, which comes from motivational interviewing, which is on a scale of one to ten, how important is your health to you? Most people are going to have a high number. Most people are going to go, well, it's an eight. It is important to me. And then the next question is, okay,
well why isn't it a two? Why isn't it at eight and not a two? And that's when they give their reasons. Yeah, I want to be around for my kids or you know, I want to have energy. I want to I want to to be able to just go out and go for walks and feel good about it. And so that if you ask those questions, and anyone can. I you don't have to be a coach to ask
those questions. You can. You know, you can ask your husband or your wife these questions, and it starts bringing that awareness of why you need to change.
Yeah, I love it. And it's like when you ask those questions where we're really kind of trying to identify what's important to us, like or what our values are, and then you can say, okay, so based on that, what are you doing that's not working? Yeah? You know, it's like if you could put your life up on a hoist, like we put a car on a hoist and just walk around and kick the metaphoric tires. You know, how are things? How's it traveling? How's it running? As
the engine? How's the gearbox, how's the tires? How's it? You know? Yeah? Because I think you know you actively, I think you call it. I think we're on the same page. I talk about unconscious versus conscious living, like I think a lot of us are in a almost like an unconscious auto pilot in terms of choices, behaviors, actions, reactions,
lifestyle habits. But if we if we hit the metaphoric pause button and step back and say, what are the things that I typically do and in terms of who I want to be and how I want to be? Are these things working? Yeah? You know, we can make it more sciencey and complicated, but we all know, you know, if we were all brutally honest. We could come up with five things in probably thirty seconds that we're currently
doing that are kind of stupid. Yeah yeah, kind of out of alignment with what we say is really important. TIF do you need to jump out?
I've got to pay five five minutes?
All right? Yep, Carli. I just wanted to check in with you. Oh yeah, Now do I remember correctly? I'm sure I do that you're doing your masters.
I am. I'm doing my master's in counseling. That I've had a bit of a break, a bit of a long.
Break, have you. Oh that's okay, it's been nice.
I go back in October, and my schedule now is I'll be finished by next Christmas.
Awesome. Awesome. So let's wind up. So people who feel like maybe they're living out of alignment, and by that I mean, you know, they're doing stuff that really doesn't work for them in terms of who and how they want to be. I know there's no three step plan. I know there's no set protocol. But where might we start If someone's you know, what's one thing or two things that we can do to create some momentum and maybe lean into those changes.
I think if I mean asking that question I think is a good place to start to start thinking about what is important to you and really identifying that and then looking at as you were saying, what are your current behaviors and in act we call them towards moves in a way moves, So are you doing things that are taking you towards that person that you want to be and the thing they are important to you? Or
are they taking you away? And having a you can even write them down and then every day do like we I mean, I'm a big fan of the ritual board and having that visual where you can tick off small rituals and start small, like if you're somebody who has not exercised for years and the thought of even just you know, going for a jog a small dog just is just like no way, I'm not doing it,
and don't do that. It's like, let let's scale that back and all you need to do is put your trainers on, put your gear on, and that's all to start with that, and then see what happens. And then over time you put the gear on and then you might walk to the corner, Well then you know you're going to go further, so and it's just those small steps that you can do that over time are going
to add up to big changes. And I'm such a big fan of that because people underestimate, They over estimate what they can do in a day, and underestimate what they can do in a year. That's my attitude with CrossFit with me is that I know that the weights I'm doing it are really light. Sometimes I don't even have anyway on the bar, but I know if I can be consistent and start small that this time next year, I'm going to see a real progression. So it's what
you do every single day. It doesn't matter how small it is, that slowly, slowly you're going to see changes.
And how great is it that you will be a year older. Chronologically on the calendar, you'll be a year older, but you might be biologically one or two or three years younger than you are right now? Yeah, I mean that's fucking I love that shit. That's exciting, right yeah.
And I think it helps. What's helped me too, is to actually think about my future self. So think about me. I've just turned fifty five the other week, so next fifty six, what is my fifty six year old want from me, Now, what do I need to do? If they were going to say to me, color, I need you to do this, I need you to stop doing this, and I need you to start doing this. That's what I do.
I'm not trying to be nice to you, but oh my god, you do not look tiffed. Be tell out, be honest. She looks like my sister. I forgot that you were that old. You're a fucking dinosaur. But the good news is you look at least ten years younger than you actually are.
Thank you, thank you.
Wow. Wow.
Do you know?
I don't know about you. I've just found it turning fifty five. I just feel like the window is closing for as far as improvements, and then it's going to be maintenance. So that's why I'm quite motivated as well. I've got a real why behind why. I'm really putting a lot of effort into the exercise and the resistance training because that's so important for bone density.
I've become obsessed in the last five year is about improving my brain. You know, cognition, memory, you know, mental acuity, communication, all of that brain based decision making, all of that brain based stuff. It's hard to be objective because I'm me, but as objective as I can be. I'm pretty sure I'm better than when I was forty five.
To ask you when you were going to get started.
That's hurtful, Carly. Tell everyone how they can find you, connect with you, and pay you an obscene amount of money to work with you.
So my website, Carlietaylor Coaching dot com dot au is the best place.
You Just fill out the form, thank you your ace, Well say goodbye affair, but for the minute, Tiviny and Cook. What's your middle name?
Carli Paige p A I D e U.
Tiviny and Cook, Carli Page, Taylor, Craig Anthony Harpers signing out you projectors. We appreciate you. Thanks ladies, Bye bye