#1600 Lipstick Duty - Harps & Tiff

he is on his official first morning. So Mavid, you know who you are. I know no one else. They haven't figured it out, but you know who you are. Mavent be officially warned and appropriately terrified. Hey, I did

a gig today. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you about a gig that I did, an idea that came out of this because I just loved it, and it's around a concept that I talk about a lot, which is having having an unreasonable friend or having somebody who tells you, you know, sometimes what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. And anyway, I was kind of explaining this concept. So I was doing am I allowed to say who I was doing it with?

I think? So? So I was doing it with Vic Pole and we're talking about this, and it was we weren't really talking about policing stuff or the main reason I'm in there, which is to roll out of a particular project, but we're just talking about interpersonal stuff. So anyway, we're talking about this idea of self reflections, self awareness, self knowledge, self regulation, and then self actualization, which we could unpack at some stage on the show. I love

that whole kind of process. But then we're talking about how this propensity that we have to surround ourself with people that tell us what we want to hear. And while it's nice to hear what we want to hear, it's not necessarily great for our development or our resilience, or our self awareness or our you know, our success over time, because we're probably living in something of a positive affirmation bias echo chamber, which don't really suit us anyway.

He said, Ah, anyway, this dude, his name's James. I told him i'd give him a shout out, So I'm giving him a shout out. James, who's a gun by the way. And he said, oh, yeah, yeah, I had with my mum when I was a kid. I'm like, what do you mean he said, yeah, I used to

be on lipstick duty. I'm like, what's lipstick duty? And he goes, well, you know, it's like because being the unreasonable friend is pointing out things to your friends that they can't see, right, so they don't know about themselves but other people can see.

And at the same time, it's a person that will, you know, support you and encourage you and tell you you're doing a great job when it's warranted, but not when it isn't. And I think, in you know, in twenty twenty four, I don't know that that person is. I don't know that that's a welcome person in some people's lives.

all the kind of interpersonal stuff. And I was talking about one of the challenges that I had when I had, you know, lots of personal trainers working for me, especially in my Brighton center, which was massive, you know, So we would have thirty trainers on the floor regularly, each with one or two clients, so there might be eighty people on the gym floor, and I would, you know,

I would do my thing. I would walk around and just kind of I'd either be training someone or i'd just be working the room and you know, pressing the flesh and saying hello. And but there'd be times when I would see people, obviously do see trainers do things that I didn't love. Not too often, but often enough when you've got that many sessions and that many trainers. And it might just be that they're wearing something that looks fucking unprofessional, or it might be that they say

something that's not exactly anatomically or physiologically right. It's closed, but it's not right, and or it might be that you know, whatever, and so me. My responsibility is to obviously enlighten them, support them, encourage them, but you know, tell them, you know what they what I'm either not happy with or what I think they got wrong. But the challenge is how do you do that? When do

you do that? Like you surely don't walk up on the gym floor and go, hey, can you just come over here for a minute while they're in the middle of a session, because you don't embarrass them, You don't want to draw any attention to that. But there was the odd time where I had because someone was doing

something potentially dangerous and I couldn't wait. Not many times, but a few, but yeah, that was an ever present challenge is how do I still be the guy that's supportive and encouraging and positive while talking to people about things that they need to improve or change or be

aware of. And of course, if you've got thirty trainers on the floor, you've got thirty personalities and you know they're and even with the same person, like for example, with you and the same with me the other way around. Like there's probably days where I could say to you something which might not be a criticism, but it's just

an observation about a way that you could do something better. Now, depending on the day, you might go, ah, yeah, that's good, I haven't thought of that, thanks, Or you might go fuck off, do you know what I mean? You might not outwardly, but you might inwardly go fuck off because on that day. You know, so there's all of these variables around, you know, because I know with some of my staff, I could walk up, I could go hey, listen, champ,

just a quick bit of feedback, and they'd go, oh, yeah, cool, thanks. Yeah, I didn't even realize thank you. Thanks, And they're genuinely good and they genuinely fix it and it's there's not even a speed hump, it's seamless. And then with other people, I really have to be careful because I've got to navigate and negotiate you know, shitty self esteem and a bit of ego and all of these things. So yeah, that for me was you know, an ever present kind

of into personal challenge. But but back to this go on.

That's eight out of ten. But I'd just like you to do this for these reasons. You know, what you're doing is not terrible, but it's not optimal. So let's try this. And look, did I ever, you know, did anyone ever get their nose out of join? Of course they did. Did any of my trainers ever fucking hate me for three days? Of course they did? You know.

But like this is one of the challenges of leadership, Like there's going to be times where people hate you and you'll say the same thing to someone else and they'll appreciate you. And all you can do is, you know, live in alignment with your values and say, well, I care about my client's welfare. That's the priority. Yeah, the priority is their well being, not my trainer's ego or

self esteem. And so if someone gets there now and knows how to joint, which I don't want, but if that's the consequence, but I have to intervene here, you know, and then we could if I knew that that created a problem for them, then as much as I could, I would sit down with them. But you know, the truth is that you know, I had hundreds of staff, and of course there are I'm sure there are people out there that that worked with me or for me

or under my banner who don't have great things to say. Statistically, that's inevitable, and there are other people who say the nicest things. Ever, and by the way, some of those negative things warranted, I'm sure one hundred percent. You know, and being able to recognize that you're going to get things wrong, you are going to do things that the end result of that, even though you didn't intend it, is that somebody got offended or somebody got hurt and

you were unintentionally the cause of that. That's just one of those ever present dynamic social dynamic challenges of working with a bunch of different humans, thinking about like, right now, how many thousand people are listening to this episode and some are really resonating and some are not. Some have already tuned out, and some are leaning in, and some are like, I'll see if it gets better. But everyone's listening to the same thing.

and I didn't because they're such a lovely person. I'm like fiding my tongue. I'm like, cause if I speak, I'm going to be a little bitch because I'm feeling tired with my responses and it's all me created, right, so I know it's unreasonable where I just want to go. I'm like, I want to winge about all the reasons why not? Which are me reasons? Someone who's going to pay all my bills and who's going to pay for

the holiday? And oh, that's all well and good for everyone else in the you know, like yes, And in that moment, I know that that's and it was like any other day this would be a nice conversation, but today this sends me on a tirade.

your self awareness. By the way, it's like self awareness is one of the hardest things in the human experience because you know it's you are you are trying to examine yourself and your own mind and your own behaviors

through the subjective window that is you, right. So it's a real challenge, and that's why sometimes having somebody else give you a little bit of input, you know, watching yourself on a video, listening to yourself on a podcast, your unreasonable friend saying hey, sometimes you you know, like, I know you don't mean this, but sometimes you're a little rude, or sometimes you're a bit intimidating, Craig, or you know, all the things that I've had, you know,

or sometimes you're you're not very patient, or sometimes you're a little bit too blunt or direct or I've had all of those things, and I understand times for some people I am because like and I, this is something that I just need to be aware of because and I say this openly, I'm more interested in helping people build a better version of them over the next one two, five,

ten years, physically, mentally, emotionally, blah blah blah. That I am concerned with making someone feel good for three minutes. I don't want anyone to feel bad. But my goal is not to stroke someone's ego or make them emotionally secure for the next three minutes just because I want to make them have a comfortable experience. But anyway, so

that these five kind of these five steps are. One is self reflection, which is just where we're trying to get a bit of distance between us the observer and our actions, our choices, our responses, our operating system, our normal protocol. So just reflecting without kind of putting any weight or judgment. So it's really just about curiosity. And

then what arises out of that is awareness. So when we recognize something when we try to look through that unbiased hard to do, but that unbiased window where we're just reflecting on what happened, we're trying not to emotionalize it,

we're just being attentive. Then something comes up where you go, yeah, I am like you said before, So you just demonstrated awareness where you said this person was their intention were good, they were saying something nice, but I knew in the moment, right, that's awareness that I needed to bite my lip or else, so I was going to tell them to fuck off

or whatever you were going to do. Right, So then and then that gets embedded in us as So the next one is self knowledge, which is where we just have a greater understanding of us, Like I know now that For example, I can be intimidating, so that's something that I know, so I factor that in. I know that I can talk over the top of people in terms of using language that they might not resonate with

or even have heard. So I'm very aware that I need to use words and language and dialogue, especially on this show, where the conversation is meaningful and relevant and understandable. Otherwise what's the point, right, So I operationalize that knowledge, or you know, a much more practical form of self knowledge is I know that my body works well on two meals a day. So that's self knowledge that came out of, you know, experimenting in a kind of awareness.

And then the next one so self reflection, self awareness, self knowledge. The next one is self regulation, which is me learning to manage me with this new knowledge. You know. So like you know, for example, you might know that your energy, your focus, your productivity, your efficiency tip is better between six am and two I don't know what it is, right, but like you know how you work best,

so you operationalize that. So you know, you doing podcasts at eight pm probably not a great idea, you know, or whatever. You you having a deeper meaningful with someone when you're starving. Not a great idea because you won't focus because you get angry. Right, But you have that awareness, you have that knowledge, and so you would say, all right, well, I've got to do a workshop at three o'clock this afternoon for two hours, three to five, I'm working with

these people. There's no way that you would go into that not having eaten, yep, because that would impact your performance, you know. And then and then the last one, so self reflection, self awareness, self knowledge, self regulation. The last one is self actualization, which is just you becoming that better version of you. You know, you having recognized what needs to change, made decisions, taken action, improvised, adapted, and now the actualized version of that is you're better. You're

more efficient, you're more effective whatever it is. You're making more dough, you're more patient, you're a better listener. You've changed your body composition, your bank balance has grown. These are all versions of self actualization, which is becoming the thing the person you want to become, or creating the outcome that you want to create or want it to create. And now you're there. So I like that little framework.

I'm going to give a shout out. So we're talking about unreasonable friends and so full of disclosure everyone where we're at right now. So we're recording this twenty five to six. It's Wednesday nights or Wednesday late afternoon, and so the old man Ronald Edward, personal Clarence Terrence, James Ambrose, Aloisious Harper, my dad at Ol. My dad went, he had to go in hospital today for a little procedure.

We'll just leave it at that, the procedure anyway, So I had a gig this morning and in the city between, which meant I wasn't going to be back home in hampt until about one month thirty. And Dad had to be at the hospital in Brick, which is an hour away, and he needed to be picked up in more Well, which is two hour anyway, The not too long version is that one of my best friends for the last thirty years, in fact forty years, oh my god, yes,

since we were about twenty Greg. So Greg said, you know, like, I'll pick up your dad. So Greg lives in Brick Tiff. He lives in Brick, which is where the hospital is that dad's at. So he lives in Barrick. He drove to Moore, which is an hour and a quarter give or take, picked up Ron. Now remember Ron's eighty five. He's got a few issues, he's diabetic, He's got a bit of stuff going on. Then he drove Dad from Morewell back to Bhrick and to check in at midday.

Now they got there probably twenty thirty minutes early. Of course they did checked him in and last time I chat to Greg, which was about thirty minutes ago, they are still sitting there. So five thirty in the afternoon still hadn't gone in to be operated on. So my mate left home this morning at about I guess nine o'clock, went and got my dad, took my dad to the hospital, got there at eleven thirty and has been literally sitting with my dad for the best part of six hours,

just to make sure my dad's okay. What the fucking what an amazing? How good? You know? Like to me, it almost makes me teary that somebody would do that for me. Obviously do it for my dad, but do it for me like to me, that's I love that. I love that so much that somebody is just And I've rung him a few times and gone, mate, I'm so sorry, because I mean, obviously it's not my fault, but I'm so so sorry. Sorry. It's like, ah, it's okay, it's okay, that's all right, we're having a good time.

I'm sure they're not having a good time. They're fucking sitting. He's waiting for surgery. But I just didn't want to be dad to be left alone for six hours, you know, because it's a bit you're eighty five, is a diabetic and also he hasn't drunk anything like no liquid or no food sense yesterday, so twenty four hours and I'm like, I'm a bit worried. And you know, how good is it to have human beings that come into your life that truly there's that unconditional love, you know.

time to give yes and they. He points out a research paper, just a small research study, but one that shows the people's subjective relationship with time. These busy people, the ones that actually created time to give to others, to focus on others, transformed both. Yeah, this subjective relationship with time. And I guess how you what you get out of that? It was God, I'll have to share it.

I'll share it in the top group because I've justice, but really, because I fall in that category at times, I always complain I'd like to do more meaningful stuff. But I knew live to him, I.

No one ever went I'm lazy. Everyone went, oh, it's time. Because if it's time, then it's not me. Right, It's because it's like I can't control time, so therefore it's out of my hands. It's a time issue, equals it's not a me issue. But if it's laziness, then it's me. I'm the problem. So what I want to do is I want to deflect and I'll go, fuck, it's time. But at that time I did some research and it was a bit varied, but on average, the Australian the

average Australian punter watched twenty eight hours of television per week. Right, So four hours a day. Now, you think if you turn on the telly at five thirty or six when you get home, and you turn it off at nine thirty or ten, and you watch a bit on Sunday, or you watch a bit in the morning you turn it on, or you're watching your Brecky in the morning show, like,

four hours a day is not a lot. I mean, it seems like a lot, but it's actually easy to like not these days for me, but back in the day, I would turn on the telly at five and flick it off at eleven. Well that's six hours. That's forty two hours a week. So it's a job. You're working

with the fucking job, right, So what's my point? My point is in a country where the number one reason that people gave for not having enough time to exercise, and you think, even if people did seven days a week, thirty minutes, that's only three and a half hours, seven days a week, thirty minutes, three and a half hours. Those people who couldn't find the time were on average watching twenty eight hours of television per week. And again, I'm not trying to be critical, I'm not trying to

throw on anyone. I'm just going you know what this is, we bullshit ourselves about the truth because it's like, well, if it's a me issue, then I've got to be responsible. I've got to be accountable. I've got to make a decision. I've got to change. And it's so easy to deflect and avoid and deny and point fingers because it's just then I can stay in this holding pattern.

Sorry for the disappointment, but you know we'll be back tomorrow. We'll try to make it better than a three out of ten. See see it, Tim, see it helps fucking nvid