#1577 Passion, Purpose & Potential - Andrew May (PT2)

the whole human. So bio is your physiology and us a human and operating system, psychos thoughts and feelings and emotional and we've got to regularly do an iOS upgrade on our head, we need to do on our iPhones. And then that's social is no man, no woman is an island. So you look at relationships social, you also

look at cultural that's massive. I find in sports, especially a lot of the contact sports union and League high in Pacific nations, like I could have the best toolkit in the world around psychology, and this is the mistake I think a lot of psychs make, or previously made when they're running corporit or sports programs. He'm a psych and it's about schema, and I've got all these tools

head down. But I know a lot of players have more of a physical intelligence, so it's legs up or toes up, and then some are right in the middle. So answering your question of a long way, awareness is everything self awareness. And I've been deep on mindfulness the past twelve months. And if apparently mindfulness has been around a while, it's not new. Two and a half thousand years ago. The Japanese samurai, we're practicing mindfulness. You look

at different is like the Yogis in India. We're doing a very similar time. And while you've got different cults, there's totally different parts of the world. And they didn't have a mobile phone. There was no Snapchat or Twitter or whatever it's called these days to share information that's fascinating and Buddhism and the evolution of that as well.

So there's multiple tribes and cultures that you know, a couple of thousand years ago were looking at this notion of being still and being present and hups men, women athletes, corporate athletes, everyone in between.

But the biggest challenge to mindfulness is distraction. And if you can get your kids, if you can get people that work for you, if you can get whole organizations to not be on the mobile phone first thing in the morning and not be on it at night. I think the average now is four hours and seventeen minutes a day that people are on their mother It's freaking crazy. So any athlete, and if I brought it out to performer, because performer is high performance athlete and someone who wants

to perform in life. Any performer, I tell them now, the gold medal standard is ten minutes a day. So that research I was saying before six minutes in your mad minimum effective ten minutes from most people is totally in the sweet spot. So to grow self awareness, because we know there's two main benefits of mindfulness that samuraized didn't have the research. The Yogis didn't have the research. They just did it because it made them, what kept them alive way back then. But the first branch of

mindfulness is exactly that. It's self awareness, and it's awareness on your thoughts, your feelings, your body and the environment you're in. So just slowing down and dropping that intensity to have that awareness. The second level, or the second outcome on mindfulness is wisdom and insight, but I think that comes with a lot of years. So I am big on mindfulness with any performer I work with now, mate, and then I'm sure you get the same tif you

get the same with your clients. Yeah, I'm hearing what you're saying, Cham, but I'm so bloody busy. How do I do it? Well, get off your phone for ten minutes and let's micro does mindfulness that you brush your teeth first thing in the morning takes two minutes, the rich person two minutes. So as you're brushing your teeth, just set a daily intention today a great day looks like?

Or how am I going to show up today? While you're doing the teethy bags as you commute to work four or five minutes, just drop down, turn off the radio, get off your mobile phone, and just look around. You and I have some of the footballs. Go fuck, bro, I'm doing that that mindfulness commute thing. And there's trees near our live yeah, you know there's birds. So you do it, brushing your teeth for two minutes five minutes in your commute. You add that up mindful eating. It's

called mastication. Don't stuff up your constance there, ladies and gentsmen. Masticating is actually chewing your food. I'm a guzzler harp so like I inhale food like it's sizzler or you know, last flight to quantits and you've got to eat all the horse herbs.

unfortunately passed away a few years ago from cancer. But Tiny used to say, you got two ears in one mouth, and that's the balance you should have when you're communicating. So stack that two minutes brushing your toothy fangs, four or five minutes in your commute to work, just dropping in and being present around your thoughts, your feelings, your body, the environment. Do you realize there's birds? They put some trees up here. And then when you're chewing tiff, We'll

just keep it at chewing. It's really like feeling the texture of the food and slowing down. And this is not new. They've been hearing this in cultures around the world the thousands of years, and then just communicating and having that approach when you're with someone, Hey, how are you and listening and pausing. So it's pretty easy to stack ten minutes a day and get people to do a twenty one day challenge because this whole Hey, you do it for three months, which you really need for

behavior change. It's a crock of shit to say make good break a hab it in twenty one days. It's not true. Three to four months is the real point. But give them a start three weeks, ten minutes a day. It's amazing when you see people have agency on this and they do it. Totally change your self awareness. It was a very long answer to a pretty simple question.

to over complicating everything that it's too simple. Five or six years ago I did a three day meditation retreat and a silent retreat actually, and weirdly didn't realize it was going to involve sixty seven hours a day of meditation and it was amazing, but I remember kind of almost a bit of a frustration when they would teach us, as Buddhists do that the walking meditation and it's mindfulness, right, but they is slow present walking and feeling your feet

and being like just and I was so because I'm so type ai. I'm like, this isn't doing anything, This isn't the thing, Like, this is just walking? Why is this? This can't be met a because we're so used to science and data and all of the things that we abandon it because it's too simple.

some people, then twenty years later, go what doing. I've been doing everything to impress people that I don't really like. I've got a car with seven seats that no one sits in. I've got a big house with all these rooms that no one visits. I'm a miserable, rich bastard

because it's all been that external. Back to what I was saying before, that vision of success is winning, and it's more the Western definition of success, money, power, kudos, and there's nothing wrong with that, and as long as you get the end, add some pleasure, meaning and purpose, and I think that's where we've got skewed tip that we've been brought into or sold. It's all about success with the collateral damage. So to me, absolutely, if I

work with them. I work with some founders who are worth bees billions, but for them to not be a really rich asshole, they've also got to work on themselves because they're just like all of us. So it's a constant work on it really is. And you can't download this, and I think that's the other thing. We want the pill, the potion, the bottle of the lotion, but you've got to do the reps in sets. So that's why I love that practical ten minutes a day, and I can

knock you out with the research. I don't give you papers and everything else, but I think, I think, and I'm interested in your thoughts. HAPs I'm adding more science than I used to, for sure, but I think enough to get the skeptics on board. And then it's you don't need any more science, because a coping mechanism or a form of avoidance is intellectualization, where you want more data, more facts. And sometimes I'll say to someone, you've got

enough data. They've been doing mindfulness for two and a half years, two and a half thousand years. Just fucking do it ten minutes a day for twenty one days. Come back and then tell me what your data says. Then I can give you more data.

didn't look after my brain. I didn't look after my relationships. But fuck it, that's what I'm doing again today. So to live like genuinely, to live a conscious, intentional life when we can easily default into a version of groundhog day, requires awareness and courage and effort and energy and consistency. It's like everybody loves the idea of having a fit, strong, lean, functional body, but almost nobody will do the work consistently.

So the theory versus the practical process. And I think, like I've spoken about this before, but if I say to people all the time, In fact, I said this to someone this week earlier this week. It's Friday night. As we record, I was talking to a dude, and I said to him, I want you to We're talking about Portsy, which is on the Potinula here in Victoria. I said, I want you to picture this. So I'm

giving you a block of land at Portsy. You're looking at the ocean, and I'm giving you five million bucks to build a house that you want on the block that's looking at the ocean. I said, when are you going to So you've got let's say, you've got counsel of proof. We can build whatever you want. But here's all the dough When are you going to start building?

And he said, well, And then we went through the list of things that he would have to do to build this house, the house that he wants to be in, you know, landscaping and architecture and fittings and furnishings and colors and like the myriad of things that you would have to do and plan and strategize and execute to build a house that you want to live in, to consciously create something that's a place that you want to inhabit. Right, And then I said, what's more important your life or

your house? Is? Like, well, my life, I go, why aren't you doing that? Forel life right?

three out of ten. You know, that river that you're in the flow of, You've got to now swim to the side of the river, which is hard, get out of the fucking river, which is hard to find a level of awareness and perspective because now I'm on the ground looking at the river, and I can't be objective about the thing I'm in the middle of. My long winded point is that I think some people live this unconscious, unintended existence while simultaneously going how did my life end up like this?

Because effectively, what the three of us will work with people around is getting them out of the level of this comfort that's comfortable, meaning people are comfortable being uncomfortable. I'm carrying five to maybe eight kilograms too much. My cognitive recall is not great, but I'm still functioning at work. I'm getting on okay with my kids in the family, but not great. So it's not horrible, but it's not wonderful. And then they just get stuck. As you said in

Groundhole Day. So I talk about you get comfortable being uncomfortable, how do you dislodge that? Because one of the hardest things is raising awareness. Because if someone comes to me or you and says the wife or the hubby's about to leave me? How serious are they? This happened to me last year. She's got the spare car reversed in the garage, knows out bags in the back for her and the kids to go to a parents' house or

to go to a motel. So serious. So this guy, his backside was burning and it wasn't just a bunch and burner on his backside, it was two bututane burners. Yeah, so if I had someone like that, or I'll often get an executive who's one level from CEO and they've been told you're really competent in your domain, mastery of the industry, you're an asshole or under stress, you crumple and you don't know how to perform in itself, reaking, like do you want to become CEO? Absolutely, they're in

your pocket. So when you've got people who are really uncomfortable and then the outcome there's fire ahead, then they're going to get change.

bad of today. The good is there's a whole bunch of interesting and potentially transformational ideas and theories and strategies and tools and resources that you can use. The bad or the con is that I'm just a bloke up the front sharing theory. Like I care that you enjoy today and get something out of today, and hopefully you like me because I'm insecure and hopefully it's a good experience. But what I really care about is that after today you will do stuff that will change your life, because

life's not a theory. And so for me and I like to bring to people's attention the reason that maybe they are not changing, and also even to say, you know, guess what. This maybe uncomfortable, but in a minute, you're going to be five years older and on your current rejectory, your life is going to be shit. And you know that, And your body's going to be worse, and your relationships are going to be worse, your brain's going to be worse,

your outcomes are going to be worse. Based on what you've told me now, is that what you want?

happen for you to actually stop fucking around? And sometimes that sometimes and I've had people tell me ten years later, remember that when you gave me the tough love, you fucking scared the shit out of me, or you in what ever, But even then they were the one that still went and did the work, Because I, honestly, in this sounds I don't mean this to sound bad, but I get to the point where I almost can't be fucked with some people because I go, dude, this is

we've had this conversation. I can't tell you anything new. Like often it's friends who have asked me one hundred times how to get in shape. Like I'm not fucking telling you.

and we call that a lift Life score. And the Live Life Score. We measure biological age and also a mental fitness gauge. It takes four minutes and is integrated with wearable tech. Now, so we can have a group had just done a big, big group of specsavers around Australia in New Zealand, so we had eighty percent of them did in the score. So then I get in

the room. They know their biological age, they know their mental fitness gauge, and I could just go right, here's where you are, so suspend whether you like me, whether you think I'm the shiny head banging on with shit up the front. Whatever science says your biological age is shit, What are you going to do about it? Science says mental fitness gauge or whether it's psychological detachment or whatever we're talking about, is horrible. What are you going to

do about it? And we do similar for mental skills, and we do similar now for leadership capacity. That's been a game changer, yes, because it creates that cognitive dissonance. But here's the hard thing. When you're doing a podcast, people aren't filling out a questionnaire or a diagnostic to let you know where they are.

not always the experience. You know. It's like, I remember when I've told this story too much, but I was at a stage in my life when I was financially doing great. I had multiple businesses and staff, and I was killing it. And from the outside looking in it was razzle dazzle, but the inside out because I wasn't looking after me and I was just quite at that point in my life one dimensional, and you know, and like my experience in the middle of this successful picture

was anything but success. Right, how do we kind of navigate that? How do you navigate that with people? Because and I'll shut up after this, but I guess in our culture, success is really about what people can see. You know, what you have, what you earn, what you own, what you look like, what you drive, what people think you your brand, your bank balance, oh your shit, like no one goes. I'll look at that guy living in that one bedroom flat driving the twenty five year old car.

He's really calm with a pet. So successful. Yeah, yeah, like it. Success is all about things, but in reality at ain't. How do you navigate that with people?

teach people now that you can have both. So it's getting into success external and there's nothing wrong with having stuff. And there's some research on this. Todd Cash, Dan not Kardashian there's no credibility with that surname on research. But Todd cash Dan looks at the difference between the good life and the goods life. So the goods life is about that ower, money and success. I love that, Tift jotting that down like a little bloody high performance.

family tradition on my mother's side. Mum and Dad still together, and I was so focused on what everyone thought of me, had a chronic case of FOPO that I wasn't tending my own garden, caught a relationship in reality, whenever any

marriage breaks down, the reality is somewhere in between. But I was so focused on working with sporting teams building a business that I wasn't focused on the marriage, and then I had eighteen months functioning depressed, where I was walking around like I was carrying a metaphorical cross because I was so worried, so concerned what everyone thought of me. But the reality is everyone just gives a fuck about themselves and how you go and mate okay, and they

move on to their staff. I learned the hard way personally, and they've been It's just so it's a gift to work with the sort of people we do. So you get to work with all domains, all different types of career and codes, and I just I don't say now success is just because someone's title. I think success one of my best mates. He's one of the most successful people I know. He's probably at a job two levels below what he can do, but he's a connected Dad's

got a good marriage, he's healthy and fitness. He's best mate you could ever have. He's always there. So it's that juxtaposition between success and also looking at fulfillment, and I really do think he can have both. But it's bloody hard because you've got to work. Like the P word purpose, A lot of people want to purpose. Now they go off and do a course. I listen to a podcast. It takes months to craft a purpose that has meaning for you and mean we know the purpose

has got to be future focused. All the research shows it's future focused. It's got to be more than you, so it's about others and it's got to excite to live in daylights out of you. And the research further on purpose shows people with a clearly articulated purpose one live longer, unce back from resilience and through they're going to earn more money. So you listen to all that and go why would I not have a clearly articulated purpose? But you ask so many people what's your purpose? Harps

and they're working for a big company. Our purpose is to increase return for our shareholders and stakeholders and positively contribute to the community and having though, fuck, that's your company's purpose. So back to the original question, we don't spend enough time looking at the dance between the two. How do you have both? And your house analogy is beautiful, but you've got to do as much planning and work on you as a human. What do you want to

be like? What is your experience like with others? Good? Bad, are and different? What do you want it to be? Like sorry to If I knew you were going to come in with a beautiful, poignant statement, then.

fun in their life. I find a lot of people tiff around that mid forties to early fifties when they've got a bit experience, may have a family, may not, but it's I am probably at the halfway point or I'm just beyond fuck.

I work with. I won't mention the names because I work with them one on one and I'm doing some work with some of them about this, and I don't have permission, But I can name that.

the middle of emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, it ain't there. And you're like, fuck, because I had a story that when I arrived at this place, this would be my experience, you know, And it's and I think are really easy to understand. One for people is and Tif's probably done this. I'm sure you've done it, Andrew. I've worked with hundreds of people that I took from really out of shape to really in shape, and very few of them were happy when they got there, like or content Like. Very

few of them got to the point. I mean they were happier, and they were healthier, of course, but the amount of people who would go, oh, just one more kilo, I just just two more kilos, just one more dress size or pant size, or like that experience or state of being truly content, I mean truly I am where I want to be. I don't need any more. I don't need to be lighter, I don't need to be leaner, I don't need to be richer, I don't need more attention. I don't need you to tell me I'm amazing. I

don't need more accolades. I don't even know if that's almost possible.

is that external performance based identity. I've worked with so many people mate, who've gone to the Olympics, who've gone to the World Champs, who've achieved insert in a sporting environment, and then they come back and they go, fuck, it feels empty now. And it feels empty for a couple of reasons. One is there was nothing to replace that. It was a journey that put an arrow in the dartboard and when that's where I'm getting to, and that's what it's all about now, there's some merit in that

because to be world class in anything. You know this, you've got to be massively unbalanced. If I have a young man young woman come and meet me and say, hey, I want to represent the country. I want to be the best musician, actor, whatever it is, but I want to have a bower's life. I have laughed at them. I do that gypsy laugh I was doing before. We've see that that's not going to happen. If you want to be world class, you've got to be fucking unbalanced

for a decade or two. Then just make sure you don't blow everything up so much that the collateral damage is still repairable with relationships and well being in and I can run with you on that. And what I like about that is your being up front and letting them know you're not going to go to the partners. If you have a relationship, you go. I have someone who actually is very attuned to your needs. That's a classic example, mate, that post Olympic depression. There's even a term for it.

did a session on self identity. So the fact that I'm working with NRL players in the off season, and it's totally outdated, as you know in AFL saying they're all book heads and idiots and just drink and sort of party. That notion has gone out decades ago. There are late athletes. But we started to talk about self awareness and we're just dipping it in. So I had a couple of players come up and say, can I

have a bit more about that? So it was a light touch and back to the question TIF, I think the teacher appears on purpose when the student is ready as well as so. I'd done courses, I'd read books on purpose, I'd listen to people. I was at KPMG mid forties, earning a fortune, and I was empty.

do some consulting for them. But I just didn't be on a pay packet where for me success was driving revenue.

much around physiology. And but for me, that part of my life or that that that purpose had it used by date, just like milk and bread has a use by date. You know, So you know, what might be your focus or what blows your mind, or what meets your needs, or what gives you joy, or what stretches you or grows you. It might be different in five years,

so you know. And also another kind of I guess piece of advice is that you like when you hear's somebody like Andrew talking about purpose, you don't need to figure this out by lunchtime tomorrow. This is there's no urgency, you know, And I think the idea of just opening the door and like gently walking through the door and start to think about living a life with more purpose, whatever that means for you. And by the way, there's no it doesn't fucking matter what it is. It only

matters to you. It doesn't matter to me or Tip or Andrew. And also you know, just living that as we spoke about, you know, everyone's going to wake up in a minute, and we're five years older, and so in order to inhabit that five year life that we would love to that five year later life. You know that's really a big part of that is dependent on what we do now or what we do moving forward

from now. You know that, Hohle, this wasn't my plan. Well, if you don't have a plan, you're definitely not going to go where you would like to know. So I think that I'll step down off my bloody high horse now. But I just think that that giving people permission Andrew also to not need to figure this out in the next ten minutes. But at the same time, don't put it in the bottom drawer and think it's just going to fucking sort itself out, because that too, is a

bad idea. I'll jump on your high horse.

into this. Don't freaking go there. It's just going to stress you out. And you're almost see a collective. So you mean I don't need a purpose? No, no, no, it's just not the right time now. So when you've got more time, more energy, more attention in this set into going deeper, Well what do I do now? Champ makes sure you've got some meaning, some fun, some pleasure, some joy in your life and supplement and and I see people go because life can be tough. We've had COVID.

There's ups and downs in relationships and work and everything else. Here's what I've learned from having four kids. Number one, Fuck, they're expansive. I think that's it. That's really the story. I've learned from kids. My kids play and the two little girls, Sophia's four, Millie is two.

Whether it's with the kids. It could be fitness, play tiff like you know you're there, you're not full on smashing into someone, but you're just grappling, doing a bit of wrestling, just having a bit of fun with it. Or it could be you know, I love a swim in the ocean or a surf. So people listening to

this harps is on the money. Don't go to purpose if you're not ready, but don't use that as an excuse for not having a bit of fun and a bit of pleasure, a bit off join your life, because, as you say, you wake up on five years older and go, yeah, that was pretty shitty boring five years. And I've seen this too much and so few harps. It's that you climb the mountain and you have a miserable, boring bastard when you get there.

leaking oil. Blah blah blah. Right, And I think we can draw an analogy on our life is that. I think if you're not sure on your purpose, or you don't have clarity about absolute clarity about where you want to be in one, two five years, I think a really good starting point is to do a roadworthy on your life, is to kind of put it up on the hoist and go, let me have a look at my life. What's my current operating system. What am I investing time and energy and focus in. What are my

results telling me? What kind of outcomes am I producing with my body, with my health, with my career, with my relationships, with my projects, with my academic pursuits, with my you know, maintaining my cognitive function. What am I doing like I'm sixty years old, am I doing anything that's going to make my brain work better when I'm sixty five, would I like it to work better?

many times. I won't bore everyone. But when I was about thirty five, I hit the pause button on my life and I went away for ten days and spent them alone because I literally wanted to figure out what the fuck I was doing with my life. Even though I was successful in inverted commas, I didn't feel it. And so for me, stepping back from my day to day and the people I interacted with, and my roles and responsibilities and the gym that I went to every day with the same bloke and trained at and the

you know, I just went to a different place. I didn't talk to anyone. But what that distance, that metaphoric and geographic distance gave me was a level of insight and perspective and awareness that I couldn't get in the

middle of the day to day. So I think, my long winded, fucking point is if your life, your results, your outcomes, your health, your lifestyle, your relationships, your mindset is not working in inverted commas, whatever that means, then start to try to put your life up on the hoist to get a perspective, an awareness, and insight into what you currently can't what's working, what's.

do this beautifully. You've got the metrics and you just know what the metrics are for your business, whether it's sales meetings per week or turn around time on proposals or dispatch in a warehouse. There's KPIs on running a good business, and it's always measured by revenue. You look at engagement and a couple of other metrics as well, market penetration. And I look at the time we spend on a business and the planning on a business, so planning on building a house, and we do fuck all

on our bodies. So even if you just took a little bit of that and every year did a bit of a review, it's like the annual review, where am I at? I do this every year harps, I do this with my clients. So as an ex athlete, I think you don't lose that metrics. But I know what I want my resting heart rate to be. I know what what I want my heart rate variability to be. I know what my sleep metrics. So with people on

wearable tech metrics get the heart rate variability. So you have all these metrics and then you can dial up the data. The training, the strength training, the fasting, the fasting and having a bit of fun and everything in between. I just find that we do such a good job on businesses, generally on metrics, but we do such a poor job. So as you're saying, the hills hoist, if our audience just your audience just had a couple of metrics or came back like the annual review, how am

I going? Do I fit into these genes? And Bernard Salt wrote a great article a few years ago, pretty controversial. Have you ever had Bird on the show? No demographer rites for The Australian and he wrote that he thinks a relationship should be a bit like a bank. So you have a home line three years time, I know my line for the apartment comes up. We've got to go and renegotiate with the bank. Now, hopefully interest rates will be down. On negotiating, we'll lock some in fixed,

some variable And there's your answer. Bird was saying we should do similar with our relationships. I'm in a relationship, So how am I to you? What's working?

hour episode. I know I'm going to get Tiff to chop this in half, but tell people where they can connect with you. So your show is called Performance Intelligence?

I love the Harps. So I did a shout out to the team I was with yesterday, but also a big shout out to my support team. So Angela Poune, Luba Posha, Valeya, Sean Pern and Angeline Bonato, and I just thought, oh my god, I've got so many wonderful

women and men in my life. And it's diversity, Like there's Angel and Sean have got an Asian background, Luba's Russian and Jillin's from the Philippines, and love that we hang out with different people, learn convergence, divergence, You've done three podcasts, Wrap me Up.