#1546 Becoming Ungiveupable - Harps

to resonate with many people. So rather than reinventing the wheel, we've touched it up a little bit and yeah, I hope you enjoy it, so have a listen. It's one of those things that you may want to take notes, you might want to you might listen to it and go, I'm going to go back. But there's just a lot of good stuff of getting out of just the inspiration and the motivation all of that into the practical reality of how the fuck do I actually change my life?

And that is very much what this is about. It's also I will say, have it you know, little aster risk. If you're a bit press harden the fuck up? No, you just kidding. If you're a bit presh, might not be a thing, and that's okay too. Anyway, here we go becoming unfucking give upable, all right, I want to talk about the propensity that we have to give up, to stop, to throw in the towel, to make excuses

to rationalize not doing it anymore. And so, as you would have seen, I'm calling this podcast becoming ungive Upable, which is a ridiculous title, but it made me laugh when I thought of that word unngive upable, because I would like to be ungive upable. I don't think I am that, but I think I'm working towards it. And I don't know that it depends what you call giving up too. I'm not talking about sometimes we just decide to not do something because that's strategically necessary or medically

necessary or practically necessary. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about I'm talking today about the things that we just throw the towel in on that we know that we shouldn't, the things that we rationalize when we know our rationale is actually bullshit, and the times when and again there's no I don't mean to be any judgment in this, just acknowledgment because I have done not only have I done this. I've done it many, many, many times.

So I'm speaking from personal experience that is me doing it, and also personal experience working with tens of thousands of people for decades who have also struggled with this idea of maintaining the behavior, doing the thing, doing the work, creating new habits, creating a new operating system, creating a new behavioral default setting and new eating, default setting, exercise, default setting work, default setting, relationship to fault setting, whatever

it is. So that thing that we used to do when we were temporarily motivated becomes the thing that we do all the time now because we've created a new blueprint. We've created a new system, a subconscious, conscious, behavioral, and practical operating system that aligns with our goals and our

purpose and our values. And so what we know is what we know is and I've mentioned this a few times over the years, that gym owners can sell or gyms can sell more memberships than the gym can accommodate because they know that people won't come, They know that people will make decisions that they don't follow through on.

They know that people will come in the door, they'll hand over their money, they'll sign up for a year or two years, or they'll sign up on a direct debit, weekly, monthly, whatever it is, and more than likely they will not use that gym or those resources or that membership the way that they intended to on day one. More people won't do it than will. So the gym that I currently train at has I think it's around fifteen or

sixteen hundred members. I don't have data on how many go or don't go, but I go at all times of the day, and I can tell you I see a lot of the same people there, and I'm there seven days a week, and it's not often I see I mean, I see new people. Yeah, but you would think that if all of those fifteen or sixteen hundred people were training, that I would see just constantly different

people than I don't. So, you know, the best guess is that they're or my best guess is that there are somewhere around fifteen to twenty percent of people who train who are current members, who train consistently and well and do what they intended to do. There's and again this is bro science, this is from forty years of working in gim and watching. There's maybe another twenty percent

who are somewhat spasmodic. There's maybe another twenty percent who go every now and then, and then there's forty percent who are current members who pretty much never go. And so now that's not the fold of the gym. That's just a reflection on or a commentary on our ability to do the thing that we set out to do. Yeah, so I have a few questions. I want to go through some general stuff, some practical stuff, some cognitive stuff,

and I want to ask a few questions. And I guess the reason that I'm very passionate about this is because as a coach, personal trainer, exercise scientist, you know, high performance speaker, blah blah, all the shit that I do. Not an expert though, by the way, not an expert, but just a bloke who's spent a lot of time talking to people about change. Like literally, you think about my job. When I go into work with a company at one thousand people or ten people, we're talking about change.

That is, how do we think better, do better, connect better, perform, better, serve our clients, better, create a better culture. How do we do better? Better? Equals change? Positive change. When someone comes to my workshop or a seminar, They're not there because they want no results or no change or no difference. They're there because they want to change. There's something about the way they think or do life, or behave, or interact or communicate or experience the world around them that

they want to change. When someone joins a gym, it's the same. When someone sees a dietitian. It's the same. When someone jumps into my mentoring group on Monday nights, as you know, where nearly finished our twelve week program. It's the same. When someone buys one of my books, it's because they want to learn, or they want to evolve, or they want to be prompted or motivated, or they want to be informed. Because why because something's not working?

Why do people listen listen to this podcast? Well, for a range of reasons, but one of the dominant reasons is because there's shit I want to learn and understand and know. Because there's stuff about me or my body or my thinking, or my habits, or my life, or my behavior or my outcomes or my relationships or my self talk all my stories. There's something that I need to change. I know I need to change, but by the way I've known that I've needed to change it

for ten years and I haven't. So that's the conversation. The conversation is why not? How do I become the person that makes decision, the decision that creates, the plan that implements, the plan that does the work, that adapts to the bullshit, that works around the messiness of life and the messiness of people, and the messiness and uncertainty and unpredictability of things, events, happenings. How do I be that person that, in the middle of all of those

uncontrollables and variables, me the controllable. I can control me. I can control my behavior and to an extent, my thoughts and my choices and my reactions. How do I be the person that doesn't keep giving up? And why am I not that person already? Do I have a history of stopping and starting? This is a question for you, the listener. Do you have a history? Again? This is not about beating yourself up. This is just about being honest. This is about being aware. This is about going You

know what I do, I keep stopping and starting. I'm going to go welcome to a really big club. That's okay, You're not bad, You're not broken. You're not weird, You're human. Me too. I've spent a lot of my life starting and stopping things that I shouldn't have stopped. I should have just maintained. But did I know? Am I broken and weird? No? I'm just like you. We're the same. So the question is not what's wrong with me? The question is what is it that that precipitates this falling

off the horse all the time? Or off the wagon, the metaphoric wagon that doesn't exist? What is that? So do I have a history of stopping and starting? And what's really what's really stopped me? Like? Why do I really give up? And if we're being really honest, okay, I'll be really honest. Why have I stopped in the past? Well, the main reason is it's hard the end and it's hard. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's impractical, it's unfamiliar, it doesn't in

the moment, it doesn't suit me in the moment. You know what I want in the moment? I want fucking cake, That's why. And I know that in the moment I can gratify myself. I can self gratify with cake, I can self gratify with chocolate milk, and ice cream mixed in the blender. I can self gratify with a hamburger with fucking white bread, sandwiches with potato cakes and salt and pepper and cheese and sauce. Oh fuck, I'm getting myself into a state as I speak, Come on, right,

and I know that I can eat. You know, I just talk about food because that's my issue, not drugs, not booze. But for me, that's been my issue. Why did I do it? Well, I did it. I did

it because it made me momentarily feel fucking amazing. And so the biggest challenge for me, and dare I say, the biggest challenge for many of you moving forward, brothers and sisters, is our ability, Oh come on, our ability to delay gratification, Our ability in the middle of that shit, in the middle of that moment of fuck will I won't ee, in the middle of that moment of temptation, and that fucking no one's looking, no one will know

I deserve this. Like what we do is we have this inner war where we start to tell ourself a story that we know is bullshit, and we start to rationalize it. And usually the antidote or the justification is it's all right, it's just now. It's all right. I'll go for a run later, or I'll start again tomorrow. I'll be back on track tomorrow, and then it's July. This is what we do. And the reason the reasons that we do that are many. One of them is

that we are, in many ways hardwired for pleasure. We are, and we are hardwired for instant gratification. And of course, as do I we just love feeling fucking great. But the problem is that that feeling fucking great is very short lived. Nobody who is out of shape or overweight, or over fat or unhealthy, and I mean all of these things with respect because I have been all of those. Nobody nobody goes and over indulges and then two hours

later feels great. Nobody, everybody, either physically or emotionally or psychologically, or all of those, when they've just gone and overeaten and eat a whole lot of food that their body doesn't need, whether they've got this inner battle going on because they simultaneously want to feel great in the moment, but they also want to change their body over time. Nobody feels great about that. And this is our challenge,

Our challenge is that. Well. One of the big challenges with this is that the journey that we need to take. This is why we talk about the narrow path, because very few people take this journey, and this journey is the I am not going to do that thing that makes me feel momentarily good. But also what's not going to happen is today I'm not going to change significantly. I'm going to avoid the I'm going to avoid the chips and the potato cake sandwich. But I'm not going

to necessarily lose weight today. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and be ten kilos better off. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow with abs because my journey is maybe a three, six or twelve month journey to get to the place where I feel and look and function the way that I want. So what I'll do is I'll just eat this shit right now and I'll start tomorrow, and that dialogue will I will eat this shit and start tomorrow. That becomes a record in our

brain that plays on repeat for fucking decades. And some of you, I'm talking right to you, I'm saying you need to take that record off that turntable, smash it in a million pieces and create a new operating system.

And also we need to get to the point where we stop looking for something or someone or some pill or some program or some post or some fucking scientific breakthrough to do the work, to do the work, because not only does doing the work ourselves create the outcome that we want, the physical outcome, right, not only does it create the outcome, but what it does it also changes who we are and how we think and how

we operate and how we do life. Because when you finally get to the point where you go from being the person who's going around and round and round in this kind of groundhog day existence of starting and stopping and losing a bit and gaining a bit, or giving up cigarettes and taking them up or whatever. The doesn't need to be anything about food or dope or cigarettes

or booze. It could be some other destructive habit, right, But when we keep going around and round and round in circles, we just build an existence for ourselves that's almost impossible to get out of. And time stands still, you know, and at the same time it flies and we kind of lose perspective. And so for us it's really necessary to go the answer is me. There is no shortcut or hack or quick fix not to create

lasting change. And we are we are challenged because all around us, you know, there would be many businesses, many businesses, many products, many services, many people that would be out of business. If everyone in Australia and around the world stopped buying quick fix type services, a lot of businesses would go broke tomorrow. Right if everyone stopped buying the shortcut, the fat burner, the this that, the eight weeks of this, the four days of that, the hack, this like if

everyone just went, well, I've done. Let me see, I've tried thirty seven different shortcuts, and here I am worse than when I started. Worse, not even in the same place. I'm worse. So, after you do thirty seven shortcuts or thirty seven miracle cures or pills, or you listen to thirty seven gurus who will tell you how to get the result without doing the work right, at some stage, hopefully you get to the point where you go, oh, they don't actually care about me. They just want my money.

And also, not only don't they care about me, they don't actually know me. And this is why sometimes well I polarize people for a range of reasons, because I say fuck a million times. Probably that's part of it. Ah, get over it though, But the other part is because I my message is not sexy, yep, my message is not feel good. My message is not oh yeah, you can do anything. You can't fucking do anything. You can't.

You can't run one hundred meters in nine seconds. You can't get up on the roof of the house and fly to the house next door. You fucking can't. We can't all become prime minister. We can't all be elite athletes. We can't all be world famous singers. We can't for a range of reasons. That's not negative, that's just fucking real. But however, asterisk, we most of us can do a

lot more than we're currently doing. And so, you know, I think we need to step out of the you know, the the self help bullshit and into the practical reality of Okay, I'm a grown ass man, I'm a grown ass woman. I have if I'm being honest, you know, I've been going around in circles with the same issue for a very long time, and I've asked a thousand people a thousand questions, and I've read this and I've done that, and I've tried this, and I've tried that.

But nonetheless, here I am, and I'm still doing the same thing that doesn't work. I'm still choosing to do things. I am still consciously choosing to do things which self sabotage my own goals. I am not accidentally eating shit. I am choosing it. And the reason that I'm choosing it is because I'm not fully committed to the process

of changing my life, habits, behavior's outcome. Because being fully committed, Like, why do people commit to twelve eight and ten week programs, Well, because they're twelve eight and ten weeks long, that's why. Because it's short term, because it's temporary, because I can stop, right. But why don't people do forty year programs? What? What? What? Because on a subconscious level, we want to get out

of jail card. We like the idea of looking permanently amazing and having a permanently I'm talking about, you know, for our potential. I'm not talking about instant model. I'm talking about whoever you are, wherever you are, what you know what eight or nine or ten out of ten out of ten is for you, not compared to anyone. But when we go okay, everyone, put up your hand. If you want permanent positive change, that is, you want to look feel function good forever. Everyone puts up their hand.

Now put up your hand. If you're all going to do the work required forever, the hands stay down. Why are well? Huh? Because you've got to have a life. Oh yeah, that's it. Oh yeah, Oh there's my guy. You've got to have a life. Okay, you've got to have a life. Let's explore that. What does that mean? So does that mean if you're not eating shit or getting pissed or falling down or doing dumb things that

are inconsistent with your values of goals? Does that mean you're not living your best life or you're not having a life. Oh no, no, but that's you said to me, you've got to have a life. So what does having a life mean? I would suggest that having a life means walking around in your best body, with your best health, your best mindset, doing your best job, being in your best relationship, having the best lifestyle. That doesn't mean it's all going to be perfect, of course, because nothing is

perfect and no one is perfect. But what's required for you to live more optimally or more ideally, or more congruently or more authentically or more in alignment. You know, I believe that there needs to be a deep, deep, deep, deep internal revolution, not an external solution. A deep, deep internal revolution, not an external solution, because I have seen people with not much talent or potential or knowledge or

resources or support. I have seen many people do fucking unbelievable things when they were one hundred percent committed to doing the work. Yep, you and I spoke with a lady yesterday who Marie who. I'm not sure the timeline of our episodes, but she'll either be up soon or she was on recently. By the time you guys hear this, I'd say she's probably been on recently. But she literally fell down a mountain four hundred and fifty meters and hit rocks all the way and was given no chance

of survival. They basically went to retrieve her body. The rescue crew basically went just to collect a body. They got there and she wasn't dead, obviously, And you know, I mean, she pretty much broke everything in her body, you know, fifteen ribs, broke her spine, broke her neck, broke her pelvis, broke her foot, had her kidney, her liver, her lungs shut down. She was on eventilator, she was in a coma for a month and a half. She was good, you know. And now here's the thing. What's

that skull? That's right skull? She had an internal brain hemorrhage, an external brain hemorrhage, a form of a stroke. And here's the thing, right, And we spoke to her as we're recording this, We spoke to her yesterday. And what this woman, what this fucking incredible, amazing, inspiring woman has been able to do because she has just tapped into this fucking reservoir of possibilities and potential that most of us don't tap into. She is not gifted, she said it.

She's not genetically gifted. There's nothing special in inverted commas about her other than her thinking and her behaving, and all of that is optional. Now. I know this sounds melodramatic, but when I talk to people and they start to complain about how hard their life is, I want them to sit down with Marie and you can go, oh, yeah, but it's all relative. Maybe maybe, but guess what we're all Where is our relative? Where does our reality come from.

I'm not talking about our situation, circumstance, environment, I'm not talking about our external world. I'm talking about our internal reality. It comes largely from our stories. And if our story is I deserve this piece of cake or whatever. And by the way, I'm not anti cake or pizza. I'm not saying, whatever your issue is, you need to apply this principle or you don't need to do anything. But I'm talking about applying these ideas and principles to your challenge.

It might have nothing to do with food or your body. It could be something else. But what I know, and I've seen it time and time again, like with Johnny that got blown up, with my old man that had a heart attack and died three times, like with Marie that fell down a mountain, that normal people can do fucking incredible things when they have a story in their

mind that says, oh, this is not optional anymore. This is not something I'm going to do if I'm inspired or motivatd This is something that I'm going to do. That thing that I used to do, I don't do that anymore. I don't do that anymore. This is my new normal. This is not only is this my new normal. I don't have a choice. Now I can't do the things I used to do. I literally can't do the things I used to do. So now I have to

adjust and adapt to build this new life. And what I have said many times is we see what happens when people are backed into a corner through medical reasons or some kind of life threatening experience or some kind of catastrophe. We see repeatedly people who have not been able to do certain things turn their habits, thinking, life, and behaviors around almost in a day because they had an experience. So what that tells us is that ability

was always there. What happened in the experience, Well, what happened was there was a complete shift in thinking. Hmm. Because the mind is the driver. The mind is the driver. Somebody said to me yesterday, how are you going with your PhD? And I went, yeah, you know, it's it's it's work, you know, And they're like, do you regret starting it? I went no, and they went is it as hard as you thought it would be? And I

went harder? And I thought it would be hard. And they're like, if if you were going to start, like if you didn't have it and you got the up. Would you if you started again? Like, would you do it again? I got one hundred percent? You know, And so like I I'm constantly learning new things. And I'm constantly and it's not even about my area of research

that I'm learning so much. I'm learning, of course because I'm studying and I'm doing a literature review with lots of other kind of insecting psychological theories and constructs and how they interact or intersect or relate to my stuff. All that, all the psychology. That's cool, that's relatively interesting, sorry,

relatively easy. It's very interesting. It's relatively easy. But what's hard for me is learning how to load one hundred surveys into qualtrics and learn all of these programs and all of this technology and learn how to do you know, it's the because I'm fifty seven and not twenty seven.

It's all the technology and all the stuff that you know, Like even last time I studied at university was twenty years ago, and that you know, there were still computers around, but it was still very I mean we still literally had a library full of books. Where I am there's no library, there are no books, no physical library there's not Oh, let's walk into the because nobody uses them, not where I'm at anyway, not not at PhD level.

It's all online academic journals. You know, it's different. But I think once you go, And by the way, could I fuck up and fail? I could? I hope I don't. But I'm practical. I go, Well, of course it's hard. It's a fucking PhD. Of course it's hard. Of Course you're tired. Of Course it sucks. Of course, it's long hours. Of course, it's a massive commitment. You're not doing a fucking you know, you're not doing a four week tafe course in fucking cake making. God bless all the cake makers.

You know. It's like, this is what you took on, you fucking idiot. So that's what's required. Don't complain. So I don't complain. I just but if someone says to me, is it hard, I'll tell them the truth. Yeah. Is it exhausting? Yep? You know. Would you do it again? Yep? And you know why I do it again because one, in a weird way, it is fun in a weird way, I kind of sometimes pain is fun, you know, but also what it's doing is it's I'm developing new skills,

I'm learning a new language. I'm you know, it's like, you know, if you break your life into pretend your life as a whole bunch of rooms, you know, it's just your life is a composite of different rooms. And one room you go in and there's your family. There's your mum and dad, Melissa, and your sister and your brother in Laura and Hugo and what's her name, the little one, not Hugo, don't tell me. It's Olivia and Alexander. Yeah,

And you know, that's one room. And then you go to another room and there's work, and then you go to another room. And you know, depending on where you're at, you kind of you have different levels of experience or different kinds of experience. So, for example, when I come into the podcast room, which is one of the rooms

in the house, that is my life. You know, it's fun, it's enjoyable, there's a level, there's a level of confidence and competence because I've done this many, many, many many times, and before that, I did a lot of radio, and so I come in here and as objective as I can be, I go, I'm not bad at this I'm okay at this, this is what I do. But then I walk into the PhD room in my life and I'm like fucking l plates on and training wheels and falling down and getting up and bumping into things and

asking dumb questions. But that's the room that I'm in when I'm doing academia. Then I go into the public speaking room that is part of my life. I go, I'm not bad here either. I've done this a lot. I'm okay, you know. Then I go into the you know, the managing my body room, and you know bits of that. There are different cupboards in that room. There's the exercise cupboard, there's the food cupboard, there's the lifestyle cupboard. So even

in that room, there are sub rooms, you know. And this is the thing, Like what we do is we tend to stay in the rooms where we're most comfortable. What the byproduct of that is we don't grow. The byproduct of that is when we get forced into another room where fucked because we never leave our own room.

We love being safe and comfortable and familiar and predictable, and we love but this is the thing, like when you are stepping out of back to our topic, when you are stepping out of a behavioral program that doesn't work, or a habit that doesn't work, or a lifestyle that doesn't work, or a situation that doesn't work, you're stepping into new territory, and part of your brain will fight that.

Part of your brain will fight that because your brain's like, fuck, we're not sure what's going on over here, so get fucked. Let's go back to the couch that we know.

You know, nobody stays in that state permanently. People have peaks and troughs and good and bad days, and so we go, all right, well, let's acknowledge the impermanence of that state. Now, how do we create the permanence of this habit? How do we How do I the dude who starts and stops and who is or has been dependent on motivation to get there? How do I become? How do I discard that addiction? How do I discard that dependence? So if it's there, I'll use it because

it's a great tool. But when it's not there, so, you know, becoming ungive upable is about how do I keep doing what I need to do to live my purpose or my values or my goals, or to create my optimal outcomes, or to be aligned to who I say I want to become. How do I do that when I can't be fucked? How do I do that when everyone else would give up? How do I do that when I would have given up in the past? How do I do that when I don't, in inverted commas want to in the moment? How do I do that?

And this is why just trying a new pro doesn't work because it's about our default setting. It's about what's happening in us. You can do all the programs, and this is why some people get results on one program and other people don't get results on the same program, because if it was about the program, everyone would get the same outcome. It's about the individuals doing the program.

You know. I might have mentioned this once before, but I read something the other day and it's in one of the groups that or I need to not get myself in trouble. But anyway, I'll just say it. Someone posted I don't know if I said this to you might have been tear four. I don't know. I can't remember all the shit I say, but anyway, it's worth repeating. So somebody was coming towards the end of their twelve weeks of Body Challenge program and they were doing their

final photos and the caption was is it pizza o'clock yet? Oh? The caption wise, you know here in my final photos? Is it pizza o'clock yet? Right? So, and by the way, this person looked amazing. But isn't it funny that we do this temporary thing eighty four days and we look different, and we change our eating and we change our exercise, and we change our regime and our operating system, and we change, you know, what we're doing day to day. But the one thing that this person posts about is

going and eating junk food. Now, wow, now I'm push right. And it's not about the pizza. It's about the thinking. It's about the why are you rewarding yourself with food that you avoided for the last eighty four days. Now you avoided that food for a reason. The reason is you wanted to change your body and how you looked and felt and functioned. And you did, and now you look good, and now you feel good, and now you're functioning well. And now you're rewarding yourself with that thing

that is actually at odds with what you've been doing. Yeah, you know, and this thinking this, I'm going to reward myself with shit that so fucking annoys me. If you want to eat shit, eat shit, but don't motivate yourself with an unhealthy goal or an unhealthy target. It makes no sense to me. But the problem is that we have a story, and the story is, yeah, but if I don't eat pizza, or if I don't eat cake, or if I don't drink boozel, then I'm missing out. Let me tell you pizza. By the way, can you

have some pizza or booze or cake? Of course you can. I've never been against any of those things. When I talk about food, I'm always talking about the story, the story that we have about food, because the story opens the door on the problem. If the story is I'm rewarding myself with pizza because I haven't eaten pizza for eighty four days, that's a worry. Because if we said to that person who now looks amazing after eighty four days, would you like to look good for eighty four days

or would you like to look good forever? They're going to say forever. Then I'm going to say, why are you opening the door on this thing that probably I don't know about this person, But most people who do these programs, including me, I don't do the programs, but I'm putting myself in this group. Most people have had or do have issues with food, issues with weight, issues with appearance. Right, and we know that managing ourselves around food that's not ideal is part of the problem. Right.

And this is why I love and hate twelve week, ten week, eight week programs. It's why I love and hate them. Love them because they can be the beginning of something. They can be the start of something amazing and transformative. And their structure and process and accountability, which are all good things. There's camaraderie, which is good, there's

social connection, which is good. But there's also this subconscious knowing that, oh, I'm finished in three weeks, I'm finished in two weeks, I'm finished in a week, I'm finished today. Is it pizza o'clock now? Right? And this is just the reality, and this is the problem. This is the problem. That food is not the problem. Our weight is not the problem. What the number between our toes is not the problem. Our health state is not the problem. They

are all just the consequences of the problem. The problem is that we don't fully commit. The problem is that we give up. Call it what you will. We give up, we stop, We throw in the towel again, I said earlier in the show, is a time to stop. Oh you've got a medical issue, you've been advised not to, you're in pain. All good. They're not excuses and they're not giving up. They're legit reasons reasons are reasons tick, but excuses are not reasons. Bullshit stories are not reasons.

And when I get people tell me, I would say two in ten it's a legit reason eight inten it's bullshit or it's a version of bullshit. And I know because I'm the biggest bullshitter. I spent the vast majority of myself lying, of my time of my life lying lying, and so I'm being honest about my lying. Did I lie to myself? Yes? Did I lie to other people about my own habits and behaviors? One hundred percent? I did.

And it takes courage to say that because it's embarrassing and it's humiliating, But you know what else it is it's honest. It's honest. And I can get defensive and go, oh yeah, but you don't but fuck and you get fucked and you get rooted and you or I can go nah, there is I'm the problem. I'm the problem, not self loathing, just self awareness. I'm the problem. You know what, When I ate myself to one hundred and twenty kilos or thereabouts compared to my current eighty three,

nobody had a gun to my head. I was I owned gyms. When I was doing that, I was an exercise scientist. For God's sake, I was a personal trainer. I was a gym owner. I was educated, I was intelligent. I had resources, I had information, I had access to everything that I needed, and I ate my way to obesity. Nobody's faults but me, Oh, you shouldn't be hating yourself. I'm not fucking hating myself. I'm telling the truth, like just the truth. There's no self loathing, just self awareness.

And this is the problem. We're so fucking precious that nobody wants to own up to anything because they feel like they're hating themselves or someone else is going to go time. But you did your best, Bullshit, you fucking didn't do your best, because your best is your best is a better outcome. I didn't do my best hardly ever, and you know this is the thing. Of course, there are going to be times when you know when you

are trying and it's not working. Of course I'm not talking about that, but I'm just going we need to get to the point where at some stage, and this is why I go around in circles and I go, hey, you go read whatever book you want, do whatever program you want, buy whatever pill, powder potion you want. Cool, and then in five years when you're in the same place, come back to me and let's have a chat. And by the way, I'm not the answer. And by the way, my podcast is not the answer. And by the way,

my programs and books they're not the answer. They're just resources. And anyone who tells you that you are not the answer to your own problems, they're scamming you. They want your money, they want your dough. I'm telling you you, your brain, your choices, your resilience, your mental toughness, your attitude, your decision making, that is the solution. That is the solution. You are the solution. And until you maybe hit rock bottom, which I hope you don't need to, maybe you're not

going to change. I'm telling you a lot of people don't change till they hit rock bottom. The other thing I'm going to tell you is you don't need to hit rock bottom. So, folks, I love you. I'm on your team. I know I'm a hard ass. Sometimes I'm honest, and I'm you know, by the way, am I off

and wrong? Fuck? I'm off and wrong? Could I be wrong about this or some of this maybe probably, But what I do know is that I've been in this space helping people change, working with bodies, bums, legs, mines, carbs, fat, protein, micros, macros, thinking, beliefs, values, attitudes, emotions, psychology.

I've been working in this space for a very long time with thousands of people, and a common observation and a common experience of mine, is people who don't think enough of themselves, who don't believe in themselves, who are always looking for some external antidote. And it's just sometimes it's just our willingness to say, you know what, I've never really, really consistently done the work, and I'm going to do it, and i know it won't be fun, and I'm okay with that, and I'm sick and tired

of being that person who's I'm just done. I don't want to be that. And it's not about having some big cathartic breakthrough or moments or revelation from on Hey, brothers, sisters, But it's just about you know, going, yeah, I hear your harps, I know what you're saying, you know, And if your next question is, yeah, but how do I well, my question to you is why won't you, because you know how, how how you change your life is you get up tomorrow and you don't do the same thing

that you did today. That's how. You don't eat the way that you ate today. You don't move the way that you ate today. You don't you don't talk, you don't choose the way that you did today. If those things are relevant for you, we literally just start doing what is uncomfortable. That is generally step one. What's uncomfortable, Well, what's uncomfortable is stopping these ten things that I need to stop. Okay, stop or stop one and build on it, stop two, build on it and build up to the

ten over time. Be honest, be brave, Be brutal with yourself, not brutal in a destructive, brutal in a healthy way. Yeah, I am doing this. I am fucking up. It is me. Sure I want to blame people, and sure I want to go oh, but you don't stand my situation. I've got you know, I've got this work and this many kids and this back issue and all those things. And I get it, and I understand, and you have my sympathy. But guess what, there are lots of people with kids.

There are lots of people with jobs. There are lots of people with shit genetics, there are lots of people in less than ideal situations. And while you have my compassion, that's probably not going to change in the next week or two. So what about wherever you are, however, Well, you can do it with whatever you've got available to you, time, energy, resources, knowledge, anything. Just start, Just start and put that get out a jail card, that safety net out of the picture. All right, team,

there you have it. That is the director's cut. That is the slightly briefer version of ungive upable hope. There were some good takeaways for you, love you, got to see you next time.