#1531 The Gift Out Of The Darkness - Trevor Hendy

inspiration that we're popping up in the conversation. And I get that feeling a lot when I run breath retreats or I work with people. Time just disappears whenever there's connection. And I think connection trump's time, you know, it actually basically makes it. You know, time is the slave of connection or the other way around, you know. So I

think that's probably one of the mistakes we make. As soon as we actually have a desire to connect with someone, everything else disappears, including any feeling shit about ourselves or whatever, because it's something Connection is a very powerful healer, right.

of the autopilotness of our existence. Like it's very easy in twenty twenty four with you know, KPIs and to do lists and boxes to tick and teas to cross and eyes to dit and shit to get done and schedules and accountability and processes and fucking winning and posting, and it's very easy to look up and you go, it's twenty twenty six now, and I've basically been in groundhog Day for the last year or two or three, and we're always you know, there's things we're always intending

to do, but we don't do those things. How do we open the door on, you know, being a little bit more aware and a little bit more conscious day to day rather than the unconscious kind of autopilot.

And you know, have something special about me to be needed, to be required to be, you know, to stand out in some way, shape or form, you know, And that version of myself is rooted in fear and insecurity that if I'm not relevant, you know that the only way to succeed in this world is to stay in front of the pack. You know. It's not hard to take me from there back to racing. When I'm racing in a pack full of people, that is an iron man in the ocean, you know, And you've got to stay

in front of the pack. And the one who wins the race gets the prize money, but he gets the sponsors, and he gets the girl probably you know, at the party. He gets the free drink yard and gets the respect and gets the title next to his name and all

that sort of stuff. So even though that feels like a past life, as I've sort of transferred into helping people more and being more of service, I'm still completing this process of I suppose breaking down or dissolving the old or the original ego that needed to be in front needed to prove, need to perform, need to be on top of you know. And so I think that part of me, as I said, fear in insecurity. It

operates on the belief that the universe life itself. If you're religious, you might say, God, you know whatever it is, that life itself is not that friendly. I've got to go out there and get it myself. And I've got a there's only a fair share, or you know, there's only a certain amount of resources, and you know, I'm in a competition for them, whether it's love, whether it's money, whether it's respect, whether it's speaking jobs, whatever it is, you know. So I think I have to be for

that self to stay alive. Moment to moment. I have to believe that I'm not enough the way I am, and I've got to be more than myself, and that life itself is not enough, that it doesn't have the

answers for me. And I know there's an old Christian saying like asking you shall receive, you know, And I'm not religious, but I'm fascinated by the beautiful people that have walked before us, whether it's Christ or or whoever it may be, and they what they said and certainly how it was misconstrued and wrapped into a control mechanism, But the beauty of what they said, asking yourself shall receive has been something I've been really practicing lately, because

when I ask and I say okay, I usually use the words universal life, I say, sometimes I say angels. Sometimes I'll say beautiful many, you know, if I'm really need of some emotional help, but I'll say, okay, can you help me? Can you help me make my day effortless today? Can you help me line everything up so everybody comes at me right when I'm available? You know? Can you help me enjoy this and see the fun and the beauty and the whole thing. It's even as

simple as that, you know. And then it might be can you help me with the financial resources? Look, I really want to go on that holiday. Can you help me free my calendar up. I actually found myself in the last five or six years, Craig, asking questions like that more and more often. And I'm fascinated to report that whenever I ask and I'm open to receiving, it works out in miraculous ways. So this old self that existed for a long time exists in the belief that

that's not possible, that's not available. Got to fight for what you get and someone else is fighting for it too, and it's you versus then, And so that's the underpinnings of the belief of this other me. And then the other part of it is when I'm in that other me far out mate, I'm exhausted, I'm fried, I'm rattled, I'm not happy, I'm not myself, I'm not who I really want to be. I'm not attentive, I'm not caring, I'm not listening, I'm not functioning at the highest level.

There's certainly no magic around me or it's very limited. And so not only does it not work for me, you know, moment to moment, it's like a trap. It's like a trap the belief that I'm not enough the way I am, and the world will not give me whatever I need to help me through this scenario, not

what I want, but what I need. And so as I've began to shake that, it's like I started, and for those that are listening not watching, I started with this much of that self, that fearful, separate itself, separate from life, that needed to compete to survive and be relevant, and I had this much as an adult that was beginning to become aware of this too much, which is

a tiny circle of beingness. And every time I've challenged the old self and this bigger circle that I'm holding of, the old self has shrunk down in its capacity to convince me that I'm smaller and on nothing and I need to be desperate. Every time it shrinks down, it's I'm actually taking energy out of that realm or reality or dimension of this old self, and it's feeding back into this other smaller circle that's expanding, which is my buingness. And it turns out my binginess is much bigger, my

simple gentleness is much bigger my timelessness. You know, we talked about connection Trump's time. You know that that's much bigger than this little self. But this little self made itself out to be so big. It's beliefs were so dramatic and all of the fdence that you've got. But I've got kids and I'm mortgage in the house, and no, no, you know, can I stare on this one?

Every man a woman's got the white wolf and the black wolf inside of them, and how do you know which is going to win? What's the one you feed? So the more that I've gone, every time I rush or I get busy, I get out of the moment I go. I can feel myself going rattling. I can feel myself getting agitated. I feel myself needing an answer from the next person, or needing, you know, whatever it is I need, and if I don't get it, I'm like, oh,

you know, And so I'm like far out. It's getting becoming so obvious that I can't be attached to anything. I can still want and need things and like them, but when I'm attached to it like a high need, I'm gone. I can't expect anybody to operate anything other than their current level of consciousness. And they might have been my beautiful best mate yesterday, but they're stressed today, and then there's not listening to me at all. So, you know, could be my partner, could be myself. You know.

So I can't expect anything because expectation just destroys you. I can't put significance on things. I've got to have that open because that's basically significance is basically a limitation in disguise. So it means I'm carrying the limitation. Then unless I get that, I'm going to be in trouble. This is not going to work. And so those are a great teacher I once work with. He put those four things together, significance, attachment, limitation, expectation, and it spells

sale and you sold. Yeah, puts those four things and he basically said they're the most dominant, predominant hooks that hook us back into out of the now, into the past and future, good and bad, right and wrong, win and lose, success and failure. Richard, poor, fat and skinny, dumb and smart, slow and fast. You know which is

ultimately it's good enough, not good enough, acceptable, unacceptable. And I'm happier on abby, you know, it's a present or not present, I'm desperate or not you know, So those four things is you know, when you ask me, how do we stay present in this moment? I teach what I most need to learn, and I'm finding the more I teach it, the more I do learn it, so

it's not all don't teach it till I've learned it. Fully, the more it's reflected back to me in different forms, the way other people are staying in the desperation, the more I get to see it in myself, and so what I'm discovering Ultimately, the long answer to this question is the more I'm in service to the moment, in service to the part of me that wants to be in service to others, you know, which is also means

in service to the moment. It's not about building an ego that I help other people, because that's that's the same bullshit in disguise. It's more about, oh, we can all win at the same time if somebody in the conversation is present, you know, so presence being in the now, research, looking in and going and the now right now? Am I in the self? Am I trying to serve myself? Is this something I want? And if there is, it has to be totally okay for me to see it. Not,

you know, that's wrong. I'm in service to the self. It's like, oh, what part of that, what part of me is still believing I can get something from this person rather than I can give or share something with this person where there's a win win, rather than you know, that's going to serve me. And if you serve me, I'll give you my full attention. But if you're not serving me, I'll dismiss you. You know, the person at

the bus stop, the person in the shop. So slightly but surely, I'm moving as the biggert circle, the bigger presence circle, and not what is now becoming the little self which was once the big circle. You know. So I'm finding That's the way I deal with twenty twenty four is I ask myself, do I need to make myself relevant today? Do I need to post that? If I post that, will I lose my presence to gain some future reward? And I'm beginning to go more and

more going I caut screw it. I'm not posting anything. I'm actually I'm going to share. And I've just had a beautiful session with someone. I'm going to walk downstairs and be with my family, or I'm going to sit on the belcon, I'm going to walk to the beach, and I'm going to expand my true self, not my little self. And I don't know, I still find it a challenge. I'm in the midst of it. I think i'm past the halfway point because it's easier for me

to do now. But I'm grateful to report that. But I love what happens when I'm not in the me, you know, when I'm in when i'm in the ass, when i'm when i'm seeing people as we're all we're all more connected than we are separate.

to talk to people. You've got to talk to fucking harps on a podcast. You've got to get your shit ready. You've got to be on time. You've got to think clearly. Me too, And so there's all the practical requirements of requirements of being a human. But at the same time, yeah, we want to open the door to the other. You know, it's like that the other in, but not of you know, it's like.

the answer at all. I'm just opening the door to the answer. I'm just a contu to the answer, you know. And that kind of when you can like truly not I mean, it's all good to get on podcasts and do stuff where everyone talks deep and philosophically, and it's almost like I think sometimes a pr exercise, and I'm sure I've done that myself, but when you can truly try to get your head around the idea of being

something really bigger than you. So I'm just a fucking tiny cog in this great, big, gorgeous machine that's trying to serve and help, and I don't know for me, the more I focus on me, the worst things go.

It's like, yes, I need to self manage to appoint, but it's like the more that I think about me and my body and my brand and this, the more the like I need to do that to a point, but I need to know where the cutoff is because if I start to obsess and hyper focus on that, now it's all about fucking Craig and Planet Craig, the Craig Show, then I become a prick, you know, like one of.

the world at a thing which is fucking incredible. But it's very hard, well, I would imagine it's very hard to think about much else, and I would imagine it's hard to not have your entire sense of self and self worth intertwined with that thing that you are the best in the world at.

think it's a really powerful thing. I think. Firstly, before I answer that question, I just want to say that the one thing I've discovered is that the me, the self, the I planet, Craig planet, Trevor planet, whoever, it operates under the idea that we're separate, you know. So I love viewing God as source, you know, as doesn't have that connotation of God. I love seeing it as source because it just makes it feel like it's the source

of everything, you know, source of life. It's the life force, you know, and I know that we when we're in our clearest moments, we feel like we're sharing the same life force. And you're talking about doing your speeches and when you're in that almost prayer, meditation or speaking your truth rather than your skills. You have this thing that

happens is almost like that holy spirit or moment. The moment comes through or the spirit or and it's something, something is transcended and people go, oh my God, and you know, and you know, I get it a lot where people go, oh my God. You know, you can look at six hundred people and six hundred people are crying, you know. And so how did we get to this place? Not by the story, but by the essence or the honesty or the vulnerability or the connectedness that's coming through

the story. And so something magical happens in that moment, you know. And so the I always say that the great lie is that we are separate. You could call the great lie, the great distortion, the great The truth is we share the same life force. We're much more like than we are different. And we you know, I love eck Tolls thing that your primary purpose in life is to know yourself as source, you know, and your

secondary purpose is to do something with it. As soon as you lose your primary purpose while doing your secondary purpose, you've got to return to your primary purpose. So you know yourself a source and then you're going to try

and help with your people. But then you start taking what you're saying seriously, and you start defending your position, and you start trying to promote it and sell it, put some gloss on it, and you've actually lost the primary purpose, which is know yourself as source to deliver this secondary purpose which has help other people with it. So that the great revealer, or the great truth revealer is is that we are all source, or we are all one. So that sounds a bit strange, right for

a lot of people. A lot of people are like, oh my god, yes, I'm ready for that. Some people are what the hell are you talking about? But I know when I stand up and do a talk, I noticed that when I started to tell the story about racing.

So if I told the story in the old days about the racing and it showed how special I was, and I utilized it to motivate people, afterwards, I would feel like I'd done a good job, but I'd feel a bit icky on the inside, like a bit like oh, I just kind of like I don't know, you know, like self flatulation, you know, and but everyone to be cheering you and clipping and saying what a great story.

He's a great bloke, he's the guy next door. And so the rules of this current planetary situation would say, you've done a great job today, you really hit the mark. You've inspired my crew. And then I'd noticed that the CEO would say that's just what they needed to hear, you know, like the CEO is the guy that knows everything and that you know, or the leader or whatever.

And then I so in the world of duality, when I started to discover, oh my god, I need to not be telling my not needs to be not about my story, but you know, opening about who we really are, or talking about life itself. And it's like I've gone from and the eye man to being a sort of a religious figure or a spiritual figure or something else. And it was like that was actually quite a duality.

It seemed like an advancement from the eye man up to the spiritual guy, but actually it was just a duality. You know, talking about winning from a place of winning or talking about spirit from a place of winning. But I was still in the place of winning. So I started to realize that it's not one or the other. So I tell my story a lot, and I say to people, look, don't believe anything I say. You have all your own answers, But I don't tell a story about me. But what I'm hoping is you'll hear a

story about you. The name states and places are different, and the intensities of the different patterns are different. But I'm going to boil it down to the bottom line. Where I felt insecure in myself as a kid. I grew up with great values from a parents that actually really sacrifice a lot to give me some great things. I took that as a security and a certainty that I would always have that. Then I felt a sat from that and I had to break out from that.

But then it went out to the rest of the world. You know, this is a story that takes an hour and a half often, but I'll give it to you in two minutes. Minute and a half is that when out of the rest of the world, met all these other people who also had the same insecurity. But now it's seeing the person who had the strongest ego or persona or I had the greatest attributes of a winner seemed to control all the insecure people. So he was the least insecure on the surface, and we were the most

insecure around him. So that's the dog eat dog alpha world of growing up in a surf club or a football club or could be a netball club or you know whatever, it is a friend's circle. And so after a while, you know, I kind of got you know, bad rights of passage where I got sort of flushed and initiated and taken through the trials and tribulations of being someone in that group you know of dog eat

dog males. And then I started to see women as objects that if you can hook up with that woman, that you are more popular or more secure the next day, and you know, you've got some credit in the bank and that amongst the boys and all this sort of stuff. So women with one something I feared, but then something I had to master so that I could actually get a strength because I needed to be able to be

with a woman or whatever it was. So this is some pretty messed up stuff that's starting to go through a young man's mind. And then I look at oh, the winner of the Australian title, and you know, he gets the girl, He gets the last laughs, he even got my girlfriend while I was had my back turned. You know, he gets all the control he's big, I'm small. He gets the last day, he gets to decide when we go in and out of the surf. He says

the funniest things. I say the stupidest things. So after a while I'm looking seems to be the winner gets all the credit and all the respect and all the power. And so I then look at another winner, Dwayne Tires in my life, who id lives, used to write me postcards from overseas and everything. Is five years older than me. He was the world iman champion. So there's a young winner that was a year older than me, and I wanted to be like him or beat him, to destroy him.

I'll become like him so I can destroy him. And because he's making me feel this way, this is all obviously unconscious and starting to ruminate away in my mind. But then Dwayne is my positive example of it over there, who I love and he seems to respect me and see some beauty him. At this stage, I'm fifteen or sixteen, never won a race in my life. And then the coach of the world champion comes in, Billie Haylock, and

gives us to set these goals. He does this incredible motivational speech, so I feel like he's talking just to me, and I put my hand on the pillow like he said, and I dream up the goals that you know, I would only dream with my head on the pillow, not the ones that I think I could achieve. So I write this incredible goals out and they're one year, two year, five year, ten year, sporting goals, and they're sporting professional

personal goals. Make more friends, get a girlfriend, get married, to have a car, house, million dollars, have a house on the water, sports car, win this title when that title, win more titles than anybody, you know, be a speaker, you know, all this sort of stuff I write down as a fifteen sixteen year old has never won anything. Fifth out of sixth in my own surf club in a junior in the Junior Ironman, the kid had got

six As my best mate. I talked him into the club championships because he couldn't paddle a ski, so I wouldn't finished last, you know. And so the cunning you know, the cunningness, and I and then this thing trips in me where I go, no, I want to be the Australian Ironman Child Champion, because he'll get he doesn't. He won't be treated like this. He won't have trouble getting the girl. He won't. He'll get to call the shots. And not only that, this this, these people I'm dealing

with are so mean and unreasonable. When I become the Australian Champion, I will change all the rules and I will make it fair for everybody, and I will be the guy that looks after everybody. Just just a quick you know, the morning I turned turned into the same.

experiences and everything else. And I would say that what happened was the spirit of my father taking us around Australia for two years when I was three to five years of age in a caravan and growing up playing with indigenous kids, with our First Nations people, and you know, learning to swim in the daily river in the Northern Territory and finding my way back to the caravan after a forty five minute walk in the bush, and you know, all of the great values that my mother and father

and my sister die had instilled in me. I went into the surf club under the dog a Dog Doggy Dog world, and then I went, I'm going to throw all them away because none of them have made me safe in this environment. In fact, they've probably set me up. You know, my gentleness has become the target on my forehead, you know. And so when I walked into the club the first day and realized that they were talking about me up in the bunk room to flush me and

initiate me like everybody else had been. But the only words I heard is who does he think he is? Riding his pink girl's bike around? And I had this tough black Melbourne Star bike and I got in a car crash with the car destrove my bike and I had to ride my sister's bike around, my sister's pink girl's bike. But I was so determined to keep training, and to get myself to training, I rode the pink girl's bike. And then I find out that my friends, not so much my friends. I thought it was all

of them, but it's clearly one of them. And then he had his own insecurities and own fears and everything else. And I love and appreciate the role he played in my life of making me go through these experiences. But literally it was an experience of ah, the pink girl's bike. So I just thought, anything that looks like a sissy, a girl, gentle caring, I've got a tough enough ru this,

you know, pairing love inside of me. So all the beautiful values I have with my mum and dad became my enemy, right, But then my connection to my mum and dad. So I've got this weird thing I've got to do where I've got to be a couple of different people. So with mum and dad, I've got to be the gentle guy and you know, just answered nicely and did it there and be the you know, the son that they respected. That he's a nice, gentle guy, and he doesn't drink or smoke or swear, you know,

and he's nice. He's nice to women and everything else. And then when I was in this other world, I was the player, I was the guy, I was swearing, I was carrying on. Eventually I was drinking. I never sm never smoked a cigarette in my life, never had a path, you know, just for some reason, I wasn't. I've had half a cup of coffee in my life. Is just the way life worked out for me. Never

a drug person. And but my goodness, when I started to go out with these insecurities that I'm not enough, even though I'm winning, I've still got the insecurity that I'm not enough. And then but now I'm walking in as the champ and I'm getting the drink cards. And it's not like somebody who's dealing dealing drugs, maybe they're the coke dealer or whatever, and they're surrounded by the bevy of beauties, you know, because they're handing out the candy.

And I was like that I'd get the free drink card because like Tray, while you're back, you know, the Gold Coast boy and growing up in Sevice prols, you just won the world told of the Australian Total. The uncle Toby's Ray said come on, and then we'd be surrounded by people, so you know, the world of temptation and the world if you don't have to feel alone anymore, you don't have to feel small anymore, you don't have

to feel like a no one. You're someone now you can actually take all the things that you deserve from all the hard work you've done. And it's just this convincing thing in your mind. So in the end, I became the guy or the guys that I wanted to be like to beat them so I didn't have to be like them. But it sounds insane, but I was trying to be like somebody else so I could eventually be myself, And of course that didn't work, so I ended up with broken relationships and marriages and a body

that was reflecting that shoulders tender. Notice the way I carried myself in races was through aggression and defensiveness, and I'd look smiling on the surface but scratch below it. I was like, in a win it all cost mentality racing, I'd only breathe on one side, so I ended up imbalanced and all this other stuff because I'd be like I'm going to you know, and I'd default to the mail side that has to smash and destroy everybody and

put them back in their place. And so you know what's crazy about all that, Craig, is that I basically just described building a house, you know, putting all the foundations in place and the structures and the walls and everything. And in the end, I've got this room right in the middle where no one can get to me. And then I got to build a big yard around maybe a motor a pick at fence, and put some security

cameras up. And then I'm going to maybe build some land around a long driveway and you know, slightly but surely to keep for people further and further away from this original little kid that was on the inside. So when I I tend to tell that story in a minute half but it went into the longer version.

over myself. You know, in a lot of work that I do, and this is work is borrowed from someone else, it's the front cover. The front cover is the winner, the projection to people that I've got it all together. The back cover is the insecurity, that the deepest fear that people might see that I don't feel worthy, I don't feel enough. So you can build a pretty big, strong front cover that in some ways it really pushes

further out from you to push people further away. But as it's pushing further out, it pushes closer up against you, so there's no room for the real you. In the end, the bigger it gets, there's less room for the real me to show through. So I wasn't showing through a relationship and family and friendships. Even in my relationship with myself, like what I would do to care for myself became completely misgigstrued. Oh that's caring, having a night out, that's caring,

giving yourself some time off, you know. So the bigger the front cover got, the bigger the back cover was as well, because now I had more things to worry about that people might see, Oh you did that, no one knows, and oh look at you. It's like it's almost like the Devil's going, ah, now I've got you in the track. You can't ever show anybody, but you can still feel good if you went and did it again.

And it's so it's like this fascinating thing where the self became bigger and bigger and bigger until something had to give. At first gave in my body, but it gave in before that. It gave him my relationships. But you can actually just say, oh, that person's not the right person or that person, that's not what they're talking about. It's not to let a tax in on your own body, your own maybe, your own mind, your own mental health. You know, because I was in the ocean all the

time and I was a positive guy. I wasn't attacking my mental health as such to operate day to day, but certainly emotionally, I was stuck in this place. But it was the body that collapsed first. And I went to a chiropractic, amazing man, Keith Maitland, and he said to me two things. One is that you appear to be dairy and tolerant, you know. And I'm thinking, don't take chocolate and ice cream often. It's the only thing people alive, you know. And then he said, you also

appear to be angry. You know, you've got some anger issues that you suppressed anger. And I'm standing there smiling at him, ver seeing him for the first time, this guy that I've been recommended to go see. My body's all in a collapse mode. He told me you won't win another world Your body's telling me you won't win another world title unless you resolve a few things. Looks like some intolerance is perhaps dairy, and looks that you

might have some suppressed anger. And I'm standing there smiling looking at him, Craig, and I'm at the same time, I'm smiling, aren't you. Oh yeah. There's a part of me going in the background, like hacting behind me, going the fuck is this guy thinking? Is well suppressed anger? What I still couldn't get past the fact that he said, you won't win another world titler. I'm three times world champion. Like it was the first time I became aware that I had an ego, because before that, the ego was

in my face, you know. And this saying came up earlier. It was another I think it's another one from the Bible, right is I can see the splinter in your eye, but I can't see the log in my own, or something like that. There's something about yeah.

thought I was was this massive big bit. Now was the thing. It was the show. I was the show. I was the guy, you know, brought ratings, brings, sponsors, oh, he walks in and he's got an aura. Well, the aura was my beingness being utilized by my ego. You know, because in my in my beingness, I have a gentleness and a presence when I'm in it. That I do know that people go, oh my god, I feel so loved by you or supported by you. But the aura was being utilized by the ego to go look at

this being the show. You know. Anyway, I was so angry at old Keaty and I couldn't believe it, and then I just went I had this moment where I meant, mental note to self, too, I do appear to be angry about what he said, you.

intelligence to fool myself. I just smiled and nodded, because what I thought was what I'd do with everybody at that stage, was I'll just get you back later. In fact, what I thought was this, how ridiculously stupid the ego is. In my own ego, I thought, he said, so if you come back tomorrow, I can do some work with you. Didn't touch me. I'll just do some work with you, and we can begin the journey of rectifying this. And my ego said, I'll come back tomorrow, all right, I'll

come back tomorrow to prove you wrong. So I was going to go back and see him, to get fixed by him, to prove that I didn't need to be fixed by him, and to go win the world title with his help, to prove that I wouldn't win the world title without his help. And so that's how insane that is, right, And I looked fine to the story as I drove off down the road and I went up over Burley Hill. He was at Palmi and I went up over Burle Hill and I'm shaking my shoulder

and my body. I'm driving the car. I'm thinking, here's this guy I think he is. I'm thinking of my manager, trying to work out what my managers it's because my manager is this and he sent me to him. You know, I'm just hating on everybody right and I'm I'm grabbing everything I can. Ego is just trying to put me back in the hole that I was in because Keith had pulled the lid off somehow. I didn't know it yet, but I drive over Burlie Hill and I'm like, and he didn't it? And I go and I'm moving my

shoulder around like I'm angry. And then I realized I've got no pain in either of my shoulders. I've got no pain in my hip and no pain in my arch because my whole right hand side of my body was out of whack, which I'd later understood that's the male side of the body, that's the doing side. It was all out of whack. It was the yang side, and it was not being nurtured for a long long time because it was in there just smashing, you know, smashing everybody to win. So I I went wow, and

I'm moving around. I'm like, there was no pain, and I'm like, there's no pain. Then I I said to myself, but he didn't touch me. But he didn't touch me. And this voice that used to come in when I raced often as like an intuition. It would say, you got to go your own way in the singing voice, go your own way, that be in my head. You got to go your own way and go out through the ocean a different way to everybody else. And that's

quite symbolic, isn't it. And he said, and this voice goes, he told you the truth, clear as day, told you the truth. I'm like, and I didn't stop and go where's that voice coming from. I just was like, told you the truth? And I went what. And then all of a sudden, the whole coming down Burly Hill under the northern side, all the green trees went bright green. Everything went from a two D flat image to a three D. There was depth and everything. I went from

vibration inside of myself to stillness. And I'm driving down the hill and I'm observing myself driving, my hands on the wheel, and I'm like, what is going on, and I felt this beauty and this love and this peace, and I'm circulem going along, driving going what did he.

But so I tell parts of that story and whatever part relates, and eventually I tell the story how it led me to the realization that I was so off track that when my son TJ was born, I wasn't the man that I really wanted to be. And I won't go into that story today, but it was the wake up call I needed to see his big brown eyes staring back at me. And I just won my fourth World iron Man title, and after Keith had said, you know you are in another I worked with him

won the fourth. I won eight out of ten races international races that year, international level races got two seconds and I won that title. And I crossed the line and my goal for my whole iman career is to perfect the iron Man race. And I crossed the line and I went, oh, my god, I just perfected the race. It was the only time I ever felt like I

perfected the race. And as I went past the cameras and the people because they'd moved us to another beach from Big Surf and we're in like a harbor and I run, beach is pretty short and I go through the line and there's nothing. It's right on dark because we've been moved, and there's a sheer rock wall in front of me. And I was like, you've just perfected the race. And then I went, oh, crap, what do I do next? And the very next image was a sheer rock face and that sheer rock face was so

sim by Craig. I cannot explain to you my pregnant wife that I wasn't truthful with and I, you know, I was trying to leave and we'd already broken up, basically, I with our second child, you know, with that's Jackie, my first wife, and and were married at nineteen. Because you know, I was so insecure, we're married, you know, all this sort of stuff. So I was like two people through that relationship. But so I'm not being true to her, not being true to myself. The rock war

was like all the lies and the deception. It was the slippery rock face that I had to confront and deal with. And I'd always had this saying about the conditions are always perfect, you know. It's what are they

perfect for? That perfect for me to do my skills today, or my heart rate or my fitness or my trust or whatever it is, you know, And it occurred to me ultimately the conditions were perfect if I wanted to become the man I needed to be for my son to be born and have a father that could really be like my father, that held values that were strong, you know. So it took me down a path of four or five years of personal development and looking at the shadow and digging all this stuff out, and I

finally had the impetus. It was like it was like no relationship or no no one for whatever reason could get me to change this. And then somehow TJ had this thing that his big brown eyes made me go, enough is enough, and I should have been able to do that for Christelle, my first daughter, for anybody else. But for whatever reason, I needed just one more piece of information and one more piece of spirit to said, listen, Asho, you have lost your way. You've got to find your

way home. Like your father taught you, to get back to the caravan. You've got to get back to where the heart is. And I was presented with opportunities, and one of which was my son having this amazing day at KINDI that it was Piatet's dat Kindy, and I tell the story which I won't go into today, but I had to go speak to all these men, you know, farmers and sons, and ultimately I realized I had to go to Piet's day at Kindy, and I went to

that pirate's day. And as I sat there, it was like my son looking at me, TJ going, Dad, you finally chose purpose. You finally chose at the moment you stopped training. You're not being the guy. You finally chose by choosing me, chose your heart, you know. And this whole change occurred. And then he told me, Dad, you've

got to go. You've got to get your plane. I'm like, mate, the plane's going to go another plane's waiting for you, and this whole story about it's this incredible serendipity, this incredible silver lining. It dropped in and I braced off to the airport after being with him and filling his

cup and him filling my cup. Got to the airport and the plane was waiting because it suffered happened, and I got as soon as I got on the plane that were we're ready to go, and I flew off and I got to do all of it and have all of it, which goes back to what we talked about earlier about being able to have it all that the universe is a friendly universe when you put the heart first, when you let the heart lead you. The heart has the mat to make all the sums add up.

The brain doesn't have the math does make all the sums had out that the heart has a circular math. The brain has a linear math that straight line maps, and the heart has the feminine mass the circular We're all in this together. And so when I tell that story, Craig, you know, in its entirety, which is an hour and a half and all the bits and pieces, it's more often than not that everybody's crying in it because they

realize that I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about them, talking about how hard we've tried to be the thing we've needed to be, but how much we've traded off who we really are, who we think we need to be, to get what we think we need to get so we can be ourselves. But we never quite get ourselves.

We never hear in the moment where we're ourselves, and how the people to get swept up in and caught up in at most are our children and our loved ones, our partner, the people around us, even our workmates and everything else. And so the stories actually goes from it's a story about me to a story about all of us, which means it's a story about great values leading to exchanging values for crooked values, to lost and failure into winning,

into more lost and failure. Because I won from something that wasn't from my higher self through to a resurrection and a phoenix out of the ashes and through to it was always there the whole time. I was just listening to the wrong voice, you know. And so I find that now I'm not telling a story about myself and losing everybody, or telling everybody about the spiritual path and losing everybody. I'm telling a story about myself finding that, and I end up meeting everybody in that place where

we can all relate, you know. And there's a saying that came to me one time. I've utilized a lot in teamwork and everything. I just popped into my head.

I don't know where it came from, but it is, we can travel a lot further over common ground, you know, and when we realize we've all got the same stuff, the telling of my story can actually release someone else from theirs, you know, and then they then they're then they feel comfortable to enter into their own story and look at it and perceive it because they go what you supposedly the winner. You've got all these titles through in the Hall of Fame, blah blah blah. You got

is after your name. You know, you're on Baywatch, you hung out with MADONNAE, you met Michael Jackson. You know you did it da Dad? You know you you you were one of those people you and like, hang on, no, you're not, You're me, And it just takes the whole thing away. And not only that, by the way that I'm a man talking about love and talking about forgiveness and talking about resurrection and unconditional love, and that there's a gentleness that comes out of me that was there

in the start. You know that I just had hidden between the front cover and the back cover. So I'm not even sure if I answered the original question, but I certainly I loved it.

to create a persona to be this like personal. Yeah, you were the person and then you had to be come this persona of aggression and high performance and with the doe and the girls and the what you know, the power and the coolness and the but that's you know, I think that's almost not not that story, of course, But you know, I think everyone has to find, you know, that space between the person that they are and the

persona that they present to the world. And and you know that could be that can be terrifying, and that's a very acute exercise in you know self amnness.

an amazing woman, my mother. They traveled everywhere together, they made decisions together. They were a team, they were a unit, you know. And I wanted to be like my dad. But the thought inside of me, Craig, was, I'm not enough. I'm not my dad. I can't be I can't be like my dad. A most freakly skinny little kid, freckly you know, like getting right down to the raw. Honestly, I'm a freakly small dick, skinny little kid, runt of a kid that's got nothing going for it, you know

like that? You know how mean the voice in your head is, it just picks whatever it can to make you into not enough, not even a man physically, you know, like.

to be enough, to be enough to be loved. So the bottom line of the illusion, the distortion and the shadow was it's like a voice in your head going, you're a fucking nothing. You're a fucking nobody. You'll never be like your father, You'll never be like these great people. Who do you think you are? It's like a really quite violence, you know, self talk back there somewhere, and

I don't even know that it's self talk. I almost think that it's like it's a thing that comes into a lot of young boys and a lot of young men, and a lot of young girls and a lot of young women people all around the world says, who do you think you are, you're a nothing, you got and it almost goads us into giving up on our intrinsic values and trading them off for something that will make that pain go away and you know, make me feel lovable.

So at a deep, vulnerable level, it's about love, but at a psychology level, it's like I'm channeling some other dark force that goes, don't let this guy see that he's lovable the way he is. Don't let this guy see that he's actually been you know, he's inherited some wonderful values and everything else. Don't let From one level, there's other energies like do not let him see that his gentleness is the only thing he ever needs that

will save the day many many times, you know. So there's something about the violence of the self talk that says we are not enough the way we are, and that I think we've very rarely acknowledged the degree to which it's. Why can we not shake it? Because the things just demanding to be to be listened to and obeyed, You are nothing. You need to use me to become something. It's almost like you're trade off with the devil. With it said, i'll give you power, you'll be lovable. You'll

be so loved, You'll be loved by everybody. It's like it's very much like a seduction, you know, because I realized I'm still shaking it off myself. But when I'm not in it, I feel just so loving and connected to everybody and just shut up and I just listen. You know. It's it's just a beautiful place to live. And when I'm when I'm not feeling that gentleness, that stillness inside of myself, I go into needing to prove and win and everything we said back at the start.

So but when I boil it down to it at a heart level, I just realized that it was actually about being like my dad. That was where I first felt not good enough, and the illusion that I had to be exactly like him, rather than seeing, you know, receive his love and allow that to give me strength, rather than be like him, receive his unconditional love and allow that strength to stay with me while I went

through the journey. I needed to to be my own version of that, and probably ultimately, at some level that's what happened, because he loved me unconditionally right through all the obscurity he handled for me and all those races, all those years, you know, and when I was hiding things and not being true to myself and a part of a bit of a posse of men having a great time in life, you know, being superstars. He still just backed me and loved me. He didn't encourage me

to keep doing that. He didn't stop me from doing anything. He just quietly went, don't need to know what you're doing. I'm just going to love you. And it's like he demonstrated what I ultimately needed was just to stay present until I could go all the way through this journey and come out. And I find that perhaps gentleness is more wise now. You know, if I hadn't kept it

from the start, I wouldn't have this experience. If I hadn't trade it away for some temper glory, you know, I wouldn't have the certainty around who I really am and who we really all are, and how wonderful the journey of losing yourself in the darkness actually is when it helps you find your light and really trust it.

of it was who I was. And one of the you know, there's this there's this divergence or there's this space between the appearance of success, like you appeared really successful, so did I, but the experience, like I had all these people telling me how great I was doing and had you had that times a million, because I'm just fucking shitkicker, but you had that times a million.

human in the picture. Yeah, And so it's like in the middle of the chaos and the mayhem and the fucking success and the money and the whatever it is, and the brand and the you know, the Hall of Australia, sorry, Hall of Fame, this and that, all the shit that you did, which was fucking amazing.

all of us. It's just we're learning it in different ways for different reasons, because potentially we have a slightly different purpose. You know, you came through your channel and what you've learned makes you an incredibly stable, beautiful man to be around. I said this to you on the podcast last week. I sat there in love with you. I was in love with you, you know, I was sitting there in the love going, oh my god, I

can feel this space around you. Man, You've made it so safe for people to walk their journey because of how precarious your own journey's been. So the compassion understanding you've had to have for yourself has created a safety for others. You know, and set you're free. So I just think what a gift has come out of the dark.

You know, that creates more lights, so you know, is there dark and light well a level, but ultimately it's all serving us to hop into this vortex, to this funnel and actually find our way out of this bullshit where we compete with each other. But I feel, you know, often relate to people. I say, my realization was it was switching from win it all costs to win on all levels, you know, And I say, it's a win

on all costs mentality to a win on all levels understanding. Yeah, And I can tell when people have got it because they noticed the difference between mentality and understanding, you know, because when they say, ah, I went on all cost mentality to a win on all levels mentality, It's like, no, it's not a mentality, it's an understanding that oh my god, I am you, you are me. We all got the same shit going on. Even if you can't see this big amazing thing that the Jogis and Christ and everyone

else has spoken about. We are all one, you know, the Christ conscious of the unity conscious. This is amazing thing that can be tapped into without sitting six months in a ca It's actually inside of everybody. But with it, just leave that alone. It's like, oh, maybe it's the top rung on the ladder we need to be climbing. Is the recognition of oneness, But don't worry about that.

As long as you're on the right ladder. The RUMs work their way down, and you know, you work your way and just take care of the rung that you're on.

But ultimately, the simplest way of saying it is, if you really stop and scratch by the surface, the person walking past you in the street will have a story that will fascinate you, and you'll have a story that will fascinate then, and they'll have a depth and a root in the story that you'll understand and you'll appreciate because you can relate to and so will you for them. So it's not actually the oneness is not the problem.

It's the perception of otherness. It's the perception that you're a different skin color, a different financial status, a different gender, a different you know, religious, you know bent, you've got a different emotion running through you at the moment, you look angry and I'm a peaceful person. Bot you we've all got the capability of being angry, you know. So the appearance is out on the surface. That's the way

that all expresses itself. I can't often say. It's like saying that you saw a wave break and you said, I understand the ocean. Now you know? You know, No, you saw the wave break, and you saw the wave break behind the wave break behind. You look left and there's more breaking down. Then you look more right and there's more breaking down. Then you look at the point and they're wrapping around the point. You look at the

reef break and they're surging over. You look at the gutter and they're coming through and surging on the shore. You look at the sandbank and they're spilling on the back. The waves are breaking many different ways based on the dynamic that they're meeting. You know, they circumstances of their life. But where has every single one of those waves come from? While it's an energy force that's come from an energy force pressed onto the ocean, so oneness is going through

an experience. The ocean would be the oneness, and it's going through an experience of local conditions and local weather, and it expresses itself in waves. It's very much how an individual is. And when the wave breaks, what does the wave do? It doesn't go up the beach into the car park, wash, the shopping center away, keep going up to the mountains. When the wave breaks, it expels its force to whatever was given in the first place, and it releases its force up the shore, and then

it runs back down. It goes under the next wave breaking and joins the water that's going back out to sea. And where does that wave? Where does that water go to? It joins the ocean again. It temporarily expresses itself. So to say I saw a wave and I understood the ocean, only if you saw its relationship with the whole ocean. It'd be like saying, I've seen that person and I understood if you can see the way that person relates to all of us and the ocean they come out of.

So ultimately, there's this beauty in seeing who we are. And I recognize that I'd been on a ladder in my life, and at the top of the ladder was clouds, and I just wanted to get my head above those clouds. I climb that ladder like a determined mofo. I used some great characteristic traits and great spiritual determination and great things that I could later use for other things. No one get in my way pushed people off the ladder.

I'm getting to the top because I've got to get my head above those damn clouds, because I'm not going to stay under these clouds one more day. I eventually overtook everybody on the ladder, pass broke all the records, got up the top, and then young people started following me up, you know, people I was coaching and training with me. And I get to the top of the ladder, and in the symbolism, it's actually how it appeared to me as as I stuck my head through the clouds

and grabbed onto the top rung of the ladder. I pulled my head through the clouds, and I could see the blue sky above the clouds, the one that's the beauty. And I looked up. The first thing I noticed was the ladder I was on didn't go any further. It only allowed me to stick my head above the clouds, you know. And I actually looked over across the beautiful

top of the clouds, rather than violent underneath them. I looked across the top and I saw this other ladder that came up through the clouds and kept going all the way. And on that other ladder was all these humble, simple, beautiful people climbing up mining their own business, not looking good, not looking great, you know, not looking like winners, not

in the hall of not cleans honors around there. You know, they could have all those things, But the ones on that ladder were the ones that were actually just attending to the the desires of the heart. And I looked over and went, oh fuck, I'm on the wrong ladder, you know. And I started trying to climb down the ladder. And as I was climbing down, I'm stepping on the heads and the fingers and the shoulders of all the people that I said, come with me, We're going to freedom.

Come on, kids. I was the leader of the pack, like the pied piper on the wrong ladder. And then I'm climbing back down and they go, what'd you see what's up there? And I'm going, We're on the wrong ladder,

and they're going, bollshit, this is the right ladder. And now I'm climbing over them and I'm around them going I'm telling you, we're on the wrong ladder, and they're going I've got to see for myself, and I'm like, fair enough, I'm just getting off this ladder and I climbed back down over everybody, and one by one all those friends and people around me stuck the head up through the clouds. Well, I well. I proceeded to eat

humble Pie to get off the ladder. I was on humble Pie to crawl my way across to the base of the other ladder. Humble Pie did begin to be invited to even climb that ladder, and started working all out, just looking at the self, looking at my own bullshit, looking at Oh my god, what an illusion like having

to be a laugh at myself. And the further I got up that other ladder, I started, you know, getting a tap on the feet or like here hey, and I'm like looking and they're running from the other ladder over to this and going I'm following you, you know. And that's the easiest way I relate to win. It all costs to win on all levels. I literally got that vision in my mind. I went, oh my god, I'm on the wrong ladder, you know, And no one would believe me, because you have to see it for yourself.

So what I'd say to people when people told me that, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but but I'm on a good thing, I'll do it differently. And I had to see it for myself, and so I think I've learned, don't interfere with other people's journeys. Tell them that you're changing ladders if you want or a different ladder, and if they ask for your help, reflect back what they want.

But otherwise, mind your own bloody business. You know, people are actually the failure they have today might be the impetus they have, you know, the egos desire they have today will be the failure they have to demirow, which is the impetus they have to change the day after, which is the awakening they have the day after that. So who am I to tell them they're on the wrong ladder or the wrong place. It's like, go for a man, have the experience. It's pretty amazing, And I'm

with you. Whatever you do is what I've learned, you know, because you know, I think I've had to apply that to myself and go Even when I discover that I'm still full of shit and I'm still at this moment, i still want to punch someone in the face, and I still want to fight to defend my my viewpoint, I have to go back to the base of the ladder again. Go are you're still holding on to being right or winning? You know you have to crumble it again. You have to start at the beginning.

to get the craigness, you know. And sometimes even on even on my own podcast, Less from Me is More, And you talked a lot, but I loved every word, and I you know that sometimes I'm probably over talking now. But sometimes I finish a podcast and it's like, not often, but every now and then I'm like, yeah, I'm not sure that person says all the things and they're super articulate, and you know, I don't know that I don't know that away from the microphone, that's what's really going on.

But with you, with you, you are just you're fully present, you know what's and all good stuff, bad stuff, you know, and it's truly a gift. It's truly a gift to chat with you, to connect with you, and to bring you to my audience.

so different. But the obvious is out on the external it's like judging it by the waves that are breaking. But when you go back to the ocean, it's like, my god, we've actually walked the same journey around fears and insecurities and you know, and back on the podcast we spoke about you had some challenges around your weight, you were too you you felt you were too fat.

I felt I was too skinny. Yeah, you know, we've ended up in the middle somewhere with strong male bobbies, just to make sure nobody ever criticizes the game, you know. So we're coming from different angles. But I love the fact that life's made as collide again, mate, and I'm appreciate it, and I would love to do part two whenever. Whenever it is if people want to hear that, we can talk about other stuff. And that's about my story and more about has some fun with some other concepts.

things on every now and then. Got a little YouTube channel of my travels, you know, for driving and reflecting in nature. It's which just Travor Handy YouTube. There's a website Trevor Handy dot com. I do talk to do one on one sessions with people, you know, all that sort of stuff. And that's probably enough, mate. It's just a great journey. I'm pretty humbled too, I don't know, to be able to learn and share on this journey.