Leading Through Change and Conflict

And the thing is that most of us we're probably never trained to lead through chaos. We're usually trained to strategize, to build consensus, analyze data to execute, right. but we're finding ourselves surrounded by uncertainty in WordPress and the tech industry and the world, and there's an imperative for business owners and freelancers. Any leader to adapt. And so you are probably being asked to lead in ways that you weren't trained for. And the stakes are really high.

It's no wonder that we are all really stressed these days. and it's also why we really need to talk about the work of change in conflict as essential leadership skills that are critical to success in modern business. I gave a quick intro, but I've got the intro slide here. So I'm gonna give a quick, quick thing about who I am, to talk about all of this. so yeah, until the end of last year, I was an automatic sponsored contributor.

I. And I left to, actually pursue a master's degree as well and to become a leadership coach specializing in transition. So I'm really helping people who are moving into a leadership role or increasing their leadership responsibility. and so I'm frequently supporting people through these big, high stakes changes or. Intentious disagreements or lots of ambiguity. And so for me, change in conflict have really become the work. and like I said, this topic is, near and dear to my heart.

So I also have done a fair amount of research and reflection on this particular topic. And so this webinar is. Informed by both theoretical and practical experience. And in particular here I'm drawing from a really great book by Adam Kahane. which honestly I would recommend just for the title alone. It is called, collaborating with the Enemy, how to Work with People We Don't agree with, don't like, or Trust. I'm wondering if that resonates with anybody here.

Okay, so this is a really big topic, that we're packing into, I think about 30 minutes. And so if there is one thing I really want you to take away, it is this, change is inevitable and conflict is natural, and leadership is learning to work with both, starting with yourself. Leading through change is not about having the perfect strategy. rather it is about how we participate and how we advance, starting with examining what our role is in the dynamic.

We are going to dig into all of this and, I do wanna be clear, I'm not promising that you're gonna leave with all of your stickiest conflicts resolved. but I do hope that you're gonna walk away with some new perspectives and maybe even some actionable steps on how to navigate, the uncertainty and change that you are facing, and perhaps some clarity around your role as a leader in this space. And so to get started, let's, get some baseline of where we all are now.

this is a new to me tool, so we're gonna see how well this works. that if you scan that QR code, it should take you to a Mentimeter poll. And I would like you to rank the level of change that you are facing today, from one to five, one being. Blissfully bored. So no changes whatsoever, to five being help. It's chaos out there, so changes everywhere and you are feeling very overwhelmed. let's see. I think it should update live, but it might, I might need to just like refresh it.

So we'll give it a second and see what happens here.

three being you're okay with it, you're engaging a little bit, and five being you love conflict. You're ready to take it all on. All right. Let's see. Oof. All right. We've got one. I avoided it at all costs and one, I try to be diplomatic. So yeah, it's, thank you so much for sharing. the reason I, I like asking this is because change in conflict bring up such a range for us. Like everything here is completely normal as a response. fear of, change of uncertainty.

Doubt are all very normal responses. and at the same time, they can also inspire excitement, right? The possibility of something new or new opportunities or new connections. even conflict itself holds the same. Like some people really abor confronting others, while other people. I've got a good friend who's just like. Loves to confront people. and so it can be really exciting too. sometimes a good fight can clear the air and actually for just a stronger bond between people.

So very normal that we feel so much around changing conflict and in my opinion, also pretty cool that humans have the capacity for all of that. So, okay, I'm gonna quickly focus on change at its fundamentals. So when any sort of change happens, it is both an external and an internal shift. So the change itself may be situational, like it's happening all around us. and we are also going to undergo an internal transition in experiencing the change.

So to visualize this, I always like to pull the, William Bridge transition model, which captures how a group of humans will move through a change over time. So at the inception of change, you're gonna have some people who are already on board, some people who are kind of unsure, and then quite a few, depending on the change, who are focused on what is lost, and then over time. That kind of shifts.

So not gonna stay here for too long, only to say that there is a ton of work to be done with any change. just in like, not just in the number of things to do, but also for most people, the emotions or the feelings around the situation that have to be processed. And so an exceptional leader will be able to kind of anticipate that and successfully bring their people through this, and point them in the same direction. So to illustrate this with a simple example.

One big change that we've probably all heard or seen somewhere is implementing AI driven support. often when this happens, there's everything from fear to excitement, for example, fear that AI is taking your job, or questions around if the AI is going to do the job well. there might be excitement in modernizing the tools, and with any change. Conflict is also natural.

You're gonna have the people who are just staunchly against implementing that AI driven support, or you're gonna see disagreement on how it should be done. And so in those moments, you can use some great leadership tactics to just help your people through the change, right? For example, acknowledging that things are lost and validating those experiences. You can provide resources or training leading up to the change. You should celebrate the wins along the way. That's, one we often forget to do.

you can also paint a clear vision of what is to come. And so all of this works really well within conventional collaboration, which is what usually happens within one company or just one team where we can generally agree on what the focus of the changes, the goal, the plan, the steps forward, and even who is responsible for what. However, all too frequently now we are not so isolated, right?

Like we have to work outside of our nuclear teams, and increasingly we are dealing with overlapping issues. So I. For conflicts and changes that pop up. We're also seeing increased polarization where we have people who are very much on opposite sides of the issues. And on top of that, you have multiple changes and multiple conflicts happening simultaneously. And so the world that we're faced with today, William Bridge's great transition model, looks a little more like this. It's kind of a mess.

you don't really know where it starts or where it ends or even where you are. and this unfortunately is more the norm for everyone in these days. And then to compound the problem, we likely disagree on the problems, the plans, the focus, and we, there's no way that we are going to agree on who is responsible for what. I see this everywhere.

for example, if I were to ask five people what the biggest challenge facing WordPress is today, I would probably get at least four, if not six, different answers. Is it governance? Is it the product roadmap? Is it marketing? Is it lawsuits? and then WordPress itself is also part of broader challenges facing the tech industry, right? Like we have questions around ai, ethics, security. Also governance.

and then beyond that, the tech industry itself is part of even broader concerns facing the world. Political concerns, socioeconomic, environmental concerns. These are really enormous challenges. and as I mentioned earlier. In these complex problems, we're seeing more and more polarization and disagreement, and so we aren't going to agree on what the core issues or what the solutions are, and so it's already supposed to lead through that.

well for these most complex of challenges where we don't know the future, where we can't agree on the problems we're facing or how to move forward, we are going to try for what Adam Kahane calls stretch collaboration. So stretch collaboration is necessary for when we don't agree on the focus, when we can't control the outcome, and maybe we don't even like or trust those we have to work with. What we do know is that we cannot stay where we are now. We have to make progress.

And so this is a big change in of itself. Like you can see why it's called stretch collaboration, right? Because essentially what I'm asking you to do is to let go of those tightly held hopes for consensus and alignment and trust and shared goals, all of those really beautiful things that leaders are usually striving to build, which is pretty terrifying. And it can also be really freeing.

So I'm gonna talk through three core leadership shifts that can help us lead through these really complex changes and conflicts. First, you gotta connect to the conflict and change. you have to connect with it if you're going to lead people through it. This is because everyone is going to connect differently, especially given how complex these situations are. And so even if we don't agree, we can still discuss what is happening, meaning we have to welcome it and create space for that.

And as leaders, change in conflict are critical signals. Critical signals. They are indicators that something is happening. And when something happens, we have to know what our priorities are, right to us, to our team, to the success of our work. It really starts with us connecting to the conflict and change internally and defining what we hold important.

And then because we are part of broader communities and industries, we also have to connect to other people and see where our priorities overlap with theirs and where they diverge. And what we're working towards here is building a culture of pluralism, which is a concept that has. Roots in political, religious, organizational philosophy. basically that disagreement leads to better outcomes. And it's not about everyone agreeing but moving forward, even when we do not. So WordPress itself.

Another great example here, WordPress is not a singular mind or voice. It is many with overlapping buckets of priorities. And so a culture of pluralism will acknowledge the significance of all of these different voices. and I do really wanna make the distinction here that this is. Not about building consensus. It's simply acknowledgement, meaning that we do have to listen to other people, and it is about being willing to work together despite the disagreement.

And in order to build pluralism, we have to engage and assert in turn. So when we connect with conflict and change and the people we have to work with, we have to do both. We have to engage and we have to hear what other people believe are the problems. Just as we share the same and we listen to what we hold, what other people hold as their priorities, and we assert our own so that we do stand up for ourselves, our clients, our teams.

To do this requires both the capacity and the awareness and a balance of both. this quote by Martin Luther King Jr. Captures this sentiment. Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Engaging and asserting in times of complex change and conflict helps to further the conversation.

However, if we go too far with just one or the other, we're gonna find ourselves only listening to other people or only asserting our priorities, and that comes at a cost to ourselves and at any cans at progress. And so to connect this to your own work, I'm gonna offer you this question for reflection in a conflict or change that you are currently facing, how are you engaging and asserting? So that's the first big leadership shift. The second, leadership shift that we is, that we are going to.

Abandon the illusion of control in favor of experimentation. one very unfortunate and also very normal outcome of change and conflict is getting stuck and we end up losing time to trying to agree on the problem or the solutions. and what we're doing there in effect is that we are trying to control the situation. We're trying to get certainty and clarity when. We aren't going to get it. It's, it's impossible to do so.

And so if we are willing to give up some control, if we are willing to accept that people disagree with us, it frees us up to act. And this step absolutely relies on our ability to connect and engage with change in conflict, because we need to be able to connect with priorities that are different from our own. And when we can acknowledge that we don't have some control here, we can experiment. So, project managers and people who love to plan in this room, I, I see you.

creating plans here can really help as long as they are flexible and you have some idea of knowing, when that plan no longer makes sense, and then longer term strategies can be realized through this kind of experimentation. And the goal here is to simply try and to learn and then to try again. success here is not that you achieve every single, make your priority, but rather success here is getting unstuck and moving forward. And to tie this into word pressy terms lead like a jazz musician.

Improv is still bound by the definitions of music, but allows for that expression and experimental free form. And, sometimes that, that unexpected riff is what changes everything. I. So when it comes to abandoning control and embracing experimentation, I'm gonna ask you this. In the conflict or change that you are facing, what is a singular step that you are willing to try? All right, so that's number two.

And, we're gonna move on to the last big leadership shift, which is, honestly the most profound and the most challenging. and it is you look inward and to be willing to change yourself. If you are currently in a leadership role, you've probably had the experience of leading a project or a strategy or something where some unexpected challenge came up.

And in that moment you probably examined what happened, looked around, and you were able to quickly identify what happened and you were able to address it immediately. And in this case. You had control over that situation, right? You had the power to do so, but in stretch collaboration, you're not going to have that level of control. So even if you do identify what went wrong, chances are you're not able to do much about it in that moment, or at least exert that much control over the situation.

And, unfortunately we experience that more and more these days and when that happens, one very natural thing that people do, most people do in this situation is to blame. we say things like, oh my God, what were they thinking? God, they really shouldn't have done that. If I were in charge, I would not have done that. you can see I, I'm good at doing this. we, we say this to our friends, sometimes we take to social media and we get affirmation in return. It is.

Really natural for us to overestimate how correct we are and the value of our actions. yeah, I've done this a million times and I will, likely continue to do so. It's normal. When we feel conflict, it's often because something is going against our value system and our priorities. And so by overestimating how correct I am in my actions, I am affirming those values. Right? And, I'm also, affirming what I do not want to stand up for. Again, super normal thing to do.

what matters here is that we are aware of it because one side effect of overestimating how correct we are, is that we underestimate, how correct other people are and their values, and so. If we hold onto this self-affirmation too tightly, we really impede any chance of moving forward. One thing that you're always likely to have control of in these moments of conflict and change is control over yourself and your actions.

And so growing yourself awareness and examining where you might change is a really powerful way to get unstuck. And so, the next time I invite you to just notice when you start to blame others, when you are faced with change in conflict, just notice it, and then turn it inward. What is your role here and what are you willing to do differently? So those are the three leadership shifts.

to recap real quick, in those moments where scratch collaboration is needed to address the complex changes and conflicts you are facing, these are the leadership shifts to try. The first is to connect to the conflict and change by engaging and asserting. You have to know what your priorities are, and you have to be willing to acknowledge the priorities of others. The second is to abandon the illusion of control and focus on trying something, even if it is something small.

and remember here, success is getting unstuck and moving forward. And then last but not least, to look inward and to examine what you are willing to change in yourself so that you can change the dynamic of the situation that you face. Because remember, change is inevitable. Conflict is natural, and leadership is learning to work with both starting with yourself. and as I wrap up here, I just wanna acknowledge that, It is super easy for me to come here and say all of this.

and so I really get it if, you're dubious about some of this or feeling overwhelmed or not sure. because these are very big, broad ideas that are. Way easier said than done. And we are really living in uncertain, chaotic times. And, I'm guessing that many of you are under a lot of pressure right now because leading other people is already an immense responsibility. And most of us probably know what it feels like to be led by a great leader or, conversely by a really terrible one.

And so choosing to lead from a place of awareness and humility and responsibility is not easy at all, but it is invaluable. for, for your clients, for your team, for your community, and for you. Change is inevitable and conflict is natural, and leadership is learning to work with both. Starting with yourself. So the work that we do in here is just as important as the work we do out there. And moving forward is not just an outward reaction. It's not just an outward action.

It's sometimes resting and reflecting, and sometimes it's spending time with the people who you love and who do think like you. And sometimes it's just letting yourself be because you cannot navigate change or conflict. If you are depleted or disconnected, and so caring for yourself, getting rest, finding joy, holding hope, those are all essential leadership practices as well. And so I'm gonna leave you with one last question for reflection.

If change is inevitable and conflict is natural, what kind of leader would you be if you showed up wholly unabashedly yourself? And that's the invite. It's not to fix it all, but to stay engaged and to stay human and to keep on leading. That's it. Thank you everyone. my name's Angela and this is how you can connect with me. I am Angela Essin on all the social medias.

and then if this talk was interesting to you and you would like to chat more, or if you are looking for a leadership coach who is offering some very competitive rates, because she isn't trading right now, that QR code will take you to my Calendly where I offer. For, some free 30 minute consultations. All right.