Get ready to have your Sandler Slot ™ rattled, because it’s time to talk about a pickle-eating shoe man in the form of The Cobbler! The Cobbler? More like The SANDLE-er. Adam Sandler! 23 seasons in, and we’re still somehow alive. Also… big shoutout to Slowdrip for suggesting that we watch this one. We’re all worse off for it, so thank you for knowing how to play the game. Alliterations! Shoe shiner and slip on surfacer slips into sandals and stilettos, assuming status of citizens of the city, so...
Jul 09, 2025•1 hr 31 min
This week, we get into Goodfellas for some coke blowing, titty slapping, Pesci whacking fun. Good movie week? Great movie week! We all love this one, but there is one GLARING problem in the opening act that will make you reconsider some things... or WILL they? Who are we to say? We’re just a few guys asking questions. Here we go! Gangster goings on and gangs grifting goods, gaining growing gangster ground! Getting heavy on the Pesci! Continuous underbelly club shots! Doesn’t insist upon itself! ...
Jul 02, 2025•1 hr 19 min
Imagine this scenario: A new Neil Breen joint drops, and you beg your mom to take you, and she tells you, “We have Neil Breen at home,” before firing up A Talking Cat?! on streaming. That’s exactly what this movie is. But for some reason it’s not without charm; come for the talking cat, but maybe stick around for a while, throw your feet up on the ottoman while you’re working on coding, and wolf down a couple trays full of cheese puffs. We’re not saying that A Talking Cat?! Is a good movie. In f...
Jun 25, 2025•1 hr 29 min
Boy, oh boy… this week, we get into Timecut, A.K.A. Rob’s “Rosebud.” This sci-fi slasher is a turd of the highest order, rife with time-travel inspired junk science, the worst kind of nostalgia baiting, and frequent trips to Olive Garden to let audiences know that Olive Garden is, in fact, a real restaurant that you can help shareholders earn money with if you get the chicken alfredo and cheesecake with extra strawberries. They must have eaten at Olive Garden, like, seven times! But wait, there’...
Jun 18, 2025•1 hr 31 min
Hold up… it’s still bad movie week isn’t it? Then why in the name of John Woo’s BUTTHOLE are we buring 90 minutes of sweet, sweet podcast runtime talking about Face/Off? 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, Chris. What the hell?! There's a lot to talk about because this movie is an insane time capsule that perfectly articulates the height of ‘90s action movie excess. It’s illogical, but who cares? It’s overacted in a way that’s both operatic and absurd, but, also, who cares? Face/Off fucking rules, and I’m w...
Jun 11, 2025•1 hr 18 min
Last season, “Life On the Line” won the title of Worst Movie ™, and it’s thanks to the star-studded collaboration between John Travolta and Devon Sawa working as linemen (LINEMEN!). This season, we bring Fred Durst into the mix (again, kinda) with The Fanatic; also starring John Travolta and Devon Sawa but they hardly do any line work at all! Let’s fucking gooooo! A fan of a famous film fellow and a friendly female photographer focus on and follow folks for nefarious fulfillment! Chris and Rob’s...
Jun 04, 2025•1 hr 24 min
This week we talk about John Carter! The movie that didn’t have Jared Leto but so desperately wanted to (it would have sucked anyway). It seems like a copycat movie, but that’s an anachronistic take once we get into the nitty gritty, so let’s do it! Yelling! Giants, Deja, and Jeddaks join John on a Jihad, journeying to a juggernaut of jousting javelins, just so Johnny can jangle his jewel! Alien animal cruelty! Jumpin’ John’s abrupt abductions! Junk astronomy! Native American martians! White sav...
May 28, 2025•1 hr 18 min
Paul Bart: Mall Cop! Wow, what a movie! Here we go. Fat fella flunks a field test final, forcing the flabby fatso to fend off foes at a food court, flingin the fleshy full-figured fucker, fracturing fixtures and frontage. Preeminent pipe logic problems! Boomer humor for the lazy consumer! Poking fun at single parent passed on by pudgy expat! Porky pranks for the entire picture! Sandler’s just-competent-enough Farley Surrogate? Bob’s Pahud bazooka! Inconsistently crashing through glass, and much,...
May 21, 2025•1 hr 28 min
This week, we take over the HOV lane with Carpool; the family comedy that wants so badly to be edgy, but ultimately fails because it’s trying to capture the minds and hearts of a younger audience. The end result is a movie that’s got really great pacing and sense of cause and effect, but has just a little too much Tom Arnold for comfort. Here we go! Clingy carny criminal cajacks and kidnaps kids, is caught by a Karen cop, and continues to cut and run, causing chaos constantly! Child abduction br...
May 14, 2025•1 hr 27 min
This week, we take a bite out of Munchie; Gremlins' very own B-movie version of Mac and Me. This also marks our 200th episode. We celebrate by hitting rock bottom, and we plan to sink even lower in the coming weeks! Here we go! Double Doms on the pod! A garbage Gremlins and Ghoulies grift where Gage gallavants with a geezer, a girl, and a greasy grotesque gargoyle, getting even with grungry guys, his guardian’s gullible gal pal, and a goon who’s gatekeeping at a grade school! Detectives detain d...
May 07, 2025•1 hr 23 min
Baby Geniuses. We have nothing to say about this in the writeup aside from our yelling and alliterations. Total dogshit. What a bullshit way to start Season 22! Don’t watch this movie. Listen to this episode though, it rules! Babies who are barely babies bewilder buffoon behaviorists, break out of the bio lab, only to break back in and bonk baby bashing bastards with a brawling baby bot. DeLuise’s lug nuts! Pee-oopie bottoms baby bowel banter! Broad daylight duffle bagging! Big baby fat shaming ...
Apr 30, 2025•1 hr 32 min
Good movie week, thank god! Though you could argue that last week’s Y2K episode was an honorary good movie week because Rob said so. Anyhow, this week we’re talking about Leon: The Professional. It’s sentimental. It’s action packed. And our titular character drinks SO. MUCH. MILK. Time to yell: A hermit hitman who’s helpful and humble is hired by a hopeful half-pint to harm the hostile, heartless, and hypocritical henchmen who hurt her homeboy! “Damn he’s good” trope done right! Sleeping seated!...
Apr 23, 2025•1 hr 28 min
This week we take a look at Y2K, the poignant historical fiction of our time that accurately encapsulates the fallout of our first robot uprising. We know this is the end of our “bad movie” season before doing a good movie next week, but we (read: Rob) will argue in this movie’s favor for being such an explosive exploration of retro-futuristic tech, teen romance, and our lord and savior, Fred Durst. Did you think this movie sucked? Because we (read: Rob) thought QUITE THE OPPOSITE (fuck you, Chr...
Apr 16, 2025•1 hr 18 min
This week, we put our lives on the line while reviewing Life on the Line; a movie about life on the line, where the line between the life off the line and the life off the line is constantly on the line… for life. That’s a really convoluted way to say a whole bunch of nothing, which is fitting for a movie of this caliber. Yelling: Linemen labor on the line living lives within a lethal landscape, and lap up lots of liquor living with a looming liver loss liability! Hymens busted by linemen! Bob’s...
Apr 10, 2025•1 hr 19 min
This week, we get into Universal Soldier. Is it an action comedy, or a comedy with action? How long does it take for Jean-Claude Van Damme to expose his perfectly chiseled ass? Is this basically a Terminator knockoff? Listen along as we unpack the above questions. Zombie Zealots zip, zigzag, and zero in on a zippy jezebel and another zombie at his zenith! Huey kablooey! Talent taping television pre-termination! Asking 80s action actors to acquire American accents! Female phone fumbling! Return o...
Apr 02, 2025•1 hr 24 min
This week, we get into Unhinged, or as we like to call it, “Falling Brown”... like the Michael Douglas movie, but with “brown” meaning poop. They really thought they had something like this one with their whole “man is pushed too far” thing, but in order for that to work, the characters need to be written as likeable. BUMMER! Rotund and reckless Russell road-rages ruthlessly rather than reflecting, then rejecting the rules and ramming a Range Rover! Hammer man! Underfunded federales! Idiot adole...
Mar 26, 2025•1 hr 27 min
This week, we collectively yell “FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCK!” as we try to make sense of 1993’s Deadfall, prominently featuring the man, the myth, the legend, Nicolas Cage. Wow, what a movie. Just watch it, it’s worth your time. Cage can’t contain chaotic yet carefree characteristics while cunning cons continue conning competing cons! Craving columbian cocoa crop kibbles! Chuck Sheen! Deep fat frying your former friend’s face! Eddie’s pre-third-act-load-blow! Rob wins the season? Chris gives too much cre...
Mar 19, 2025•1 hr 36 min
This week, the gang gets ready to rumbleeeeeeee with 2000’s Ready to Rumble, a total bag of dicks of a movie that you should never watch. But we watched it, so we need to break it down for you. Oliver Platt deserved better, and if he were dead he’d be spinning in his grave like a fucking pinwheel. Here we go! Relatively rotund and really raunchy wrestler regains resolve and receives award! Poo-pump proprietor punished by pungent parkway prolapse! Nonsense noose on Nitro! Beyond obvious Butterfin...
Mar 12, 2025•1 hr 25 min
This week, we fire up the Breen Machine and explore I Am Here … Now– the best religious themed Sci-Fi action alien romance environmentally over toned thriller of its time. You’ve gotta listen to this one because the almighty Breen can do no wrong, until he does, but it still feels so, so right. Back to Breen basics with braless biotech bimbos, boring business men, and a buff brother blasting bullets into bones! Spirit Halloween Slipknot mask saliva swapping! Hard Drive Jesus! Breenie bits but no...
Mar 05, 2025•1 hr 26 min
Like the Saw movies? Well, you’re going to love 2007’s Steel Trap, which is like Saw, but instead of having to cut off your own foot, you have to record yourself eating your own shit, upload it to PornHub, and then gratify yourself to the footage of yourself eating your own shit while held at gunpoint. That being said … do you want to play a little game? Here we go: Drunk doopable dummies are deceived, dispatched, and deserving of death. Professor Pudgy and the previously porky perpetrator! Patr...
Feb 26, 2025•1 hr 10 min
Adam Sandler! Going Overboard! His first movie ever! Streaming for free on Tubi, and you’ll still want a refund! This movie is really, really bad. Hard to be clever and/or poetic after watching something like this. Absolute bullshit experience all around. Welcome to Season 21 (or is it 24?). Unfunny funnyman fails at farce, fumbles with female fraternization, and fosters flare for foes with firearms! Sandler satiating simpletons with sexism! Witless fourth-wall wavering! Straight-jacket homo-jac...
Feb 19, 2025•1 hr 20 min
It’s the end of season 48, which means it’s time for an episode of THE BEST Movie Ever Made where the boys talk about Hereditary. We’re doing something a little different this week because Rob is underwhelmed, Bob is neutral, and Chris wants to be tea-bagged by Paimon and gargle all of his demonic goo because he loves this movie so much. Is Hereditary the pinnacle of “elevated horror,” or is it patronizing poo-poo that undermines its own premise through its excessive use of foreshadowing? Tune i...
Feb 12, 2025•1 hr 28 min
This week, we’ll be singing “VIVAAAAA LAS BIO-DOME!” because we’re talking about Bio-Dome. What a classic! What a great movie! What a masterpiece of cinema that Rob loves unironically while Bob and Chris try to figure out how to remove him from the podcast indefinitely as punishment for requesting that we review this one. Maybe they just don’t know how to free the weasel as masterfully as Rob does. Maybe they made attempts, but ended up getting their dicks caught in the ceiling fan instead. Who ...
Feb 07, 2025•1 hr 30 min
OHHHHHHHHH! ECKS GON GIVE IT TO YA! That’s Ecks vs Sever… as in Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever– the worst movie ever made according to Rotten Tomatoes. Seriously. 0% across 118 reviews. This movie makes no sense, and we make no sense trying to make sense of it. What a mess! We’re sorry. Confusing cluttered calamity with cop killers, cars, kidnapping, carnage, and countless kinds of chaotic crap! Channeling the Banderas Flare! Caging a kid you’re caring for! Bald guy back-alley nose break! Blaringly ob...
Jan 29, 2025•1 hr 26 min
This week we talk about Willy/Milly, also known as Something Special, also known as I Was a Teenage Boy; a problematic body-swapping film from the’80s that definitely exists for some reason-- even though the version streaming for free on The Roku Channel is clearly an upload from a copy, of a copy, of a copy of a VHS tape. We also welcome Dave/Schmave, Bob’s brother, to talk about the movie that he requested for the sole purpose of watching us suffer immeasurably... Geeky girl grows gonads and g...
Jan 22, 2025•1 hr 27 min
This week, we get into 1985’s Gymkata, a spectacle of martial arts, gymnastics, deadly games, tongueless women, men with fake faces on the back of their heads, and a healthy amount of men falling to their deaths with a satisfying splat. This one’s not currently on streaming, but is worth the $4 if you were to indulge in on-demand viewing. Okay, yelling: Johnny the gymnast joins a jiu-jitsu journey just to jab a jezebel! It’s a movie podcast, not a English tutorial! Mullet-O-Mania! Pitchforking p...
Jan 16, 2025•1 hr 15 min
This week, we get into Theodore Rex; a film about a cookie-loving dinosaur with a heart of gold who needs to save the world from a new ice age because his creator has fish DNA that can freeze stuff, starring Whoppi Goldberg. We wish that the previous sentence didn’t exist, but that’s the most succinct way to break this movie down. If you want to know how bad this movie is, we need to gently remind you that this movie cost over $30 million in 1990s money and saw a direct-to-video release. Truly b...
Jan 08, 2025•1 hr 25 min
This week, we’re doing something a little different and talking about Steven Seagal: Lawman– a cop show starring Steven Seagal that’s streaming for free on Tubi, where it belongs. We point our focus to two episodes: “The Way of the Gun,” and “Crack War,” and we don’t think any further introduction is necessary to be entirely honest. Steven Seagal sees suspects scurrying several suspicious scenes! Professor pudgy panting and pretending to be a police person! Jizz jazz jamming it in the same hole!...
Jan 03, 2025•33 min
This week, the guys get into ... nothing at all! It's New Year's Eve, and we're tired. 2024 ran us through the meat grinder, and we're currently trapped in the casing of a 3am hotdog. But in all seriousness, we've been doing this for 182 weeks without missing an episode, and we'll be damned if we break that streak! Chris is on a strange soul-searching pilgrimage in the Belgian Congo, we haven't been able to locate Bob since his last ether frolic, and Rob... he's probably just sitting in the corn...
Jan 01, 2025•3 min
This week, we dive yet again into the Neil Breen Cinematic Universe (NBCU) to talk about the film that started it all: Double Down. There’s not much that we can tell you about this film aside from what Neil Breen tells us about himself through his many, many exposition dumps, so you might as well watch the movie, and then listen to this episode. Let’s do this! Desert dwelling dude donning diverse devices, deadly drugs, and a dead damsel! Terminator timpanis! You can tune a piano, but you can’t T...
Dec 25, 2024•1 hr 26 min
